Chapter Text
Yaz wasn’t sure where she was going. She just had to leave. Had to escape from her mother’s hatred and anguish.
Streets she hadn’t seen in years blurred around her as she fought back more tears. The Doctor was really, truly gone. That had sunk in more and more with every minute, every retelling by Dan of the story of her last month and a half on the TARDIS. A month and a half she had mostly been unconscious for. For her, that had been barely three days. Three days, with two nights. Two nights that Yaz could hold the Doctor, love her, touch her, fuck her, want her…
It hadn’t been enough.
It wasn’t fair.
It wasn’t right.
She wanted – no, needed - more time. More time with the Doctor, more time with their love, more time to go on dates and ask boring or not so boring questions. More time to listen to the Doctor’s strange heartbeats, more time to fall asleep in her arms and wake up next to her. More time with her. Yaz had told the Doctor years ago that she wanted more. Ironic how true that had turned out to be.
The cold Sheffield air blew around her. Late November at night was no time to be walking around without something warm on. But Yaz barely noticed the chill seeping through the Doctor’s thin coat. Carelessly, she sunk down on a bench at a random bus stop. Graffiti scrawled over every surface in the shelter, marking permanently the transient people who had passed through here, waiting to go somewhere else. And there, under the harsh light of flickering streetlamps, she let herself feel. Feel everything she’d suppressed for the last month, feel every shred of grief, of anger, of confusion, of desperation… of love. Feel the last embers of hope that the Doctor would come back for her as they flickered and died.
“Hiya, Sheffield. Mind if I join you?”
Yaz didn’t look over. “How’d you find me? Did you follow me?”
“No,” said Dan, settling next to her with a wince for the cold metal bench. “I just was wandering. Trying to clear my head. Graham offered to put me up in his spare room for the night, and I took him up on it. It’s not like I’ve really got anywhere to go right now. Never did ask the Doctor how to unshrink my house.”
Yaz nodded listlessly.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Dan asked quietly.
“What’s there to talk about?” said Yaz. “Seems like you already said most of what needed saying to my parents.”
“I told them what happened,” said Dan. “Sure. But I haven’t had the chance to really ask you if there was anything that you wanted to know. Anything you wanted to talk about, just the two of us.”
Yaz bit her lip. Drawing the Doctor’s coat around her, she couldn’t resist pressing her nose to the collar. But there was no trace of the Doctor left in it.
“How was she?” she said finally. “When she dropped you off. Was she… okay?”
“No,” said Dan with a sigh. “She wasn’t okay. She’d just left the woman she loved behind because she believed with all her heart… er, hearts… that you were safer away from her. She was hiding how much it had shattered her as best she could. So, no. Definitely not okay. But she wanted you to be. That’s why she did this.”
She closed her eyes against Dan’s words. “Did you know what she was planning?”
“No,” he said again. “Not until I walked into the control room just in time for her to land at your parents’ flat. I did try to talk her out of it, but her mind was made up.” He hesitated. “She did ask us, just before she left, to tell you something.”
“What was it?”
Dan rested his hand on her knee. “She said… she’s sorry.”
Yaz wondered if she should cry. Shouldn’t she? But instead, all she felt now was hollow. She’d already cried so much, she wasn’t sure what more tears would do. They wouldn’t bring the Doctor back. They wouldn’t end this waking nightmare that she’d been in since she’d finished watching the Doctor’s last message to her. They wouldn’t repair the scars rent by the Master’s assault on her mind. They wouldn’t change the emptiness she’d been consumed by since she’d woken up alone, after the best night of her life, with no forewarning, no explanation.
Sorry wouldn’t fix this. Wouldn’t fix her. Wouldn’t fix the Doctor to her again.
“Do you believe in an afterlife, Dan?”
“Don’t know,” he admitted. “Before I met the Doctor, I would’ve said there’s no way. I also would’ve said that time travel isn’t real, and neither are aliens. But we’ve seen so much with the Doctor. Who am I to say what might or might not be out there?”
“I don’t either,” said Yaz softly. “I was raised Muslim, but I never really, actually believed. It was always more about my heritage than it was about the religion itself. But now… the Doctor thinks that she’s going to die. I’ll never see her again in this world. What if I could see her in the next, though? What if I could join her there?”
Dan gazed at her. To his credit, he didn’t jump up. He didn’t grab at her, or beg her not to do anything. Yaz knew he understood exactly what she meant. Had he done any of that, she would have simply walked away. Instead, he just looked at her.
“You know the Doctor wouldn’t want that,” he said finally.
“She doesn’t really get a say in this anymore,” Yaz said bitterly. “She’s gone.”
“She’s gone,” he agreed. “But her last message to you, her last wish for you was for you to live. For you to be brilliant for her. She’s sacrificing herself to save you. Don’t waste that.”
“I never asked her to,” muttered Yaz. “I never asked her to put my life ahead of hers. I just wanted to be with her. To tell her how I feel and know she felt the same.” She laughed cynically. “You told me to tell her before the world ended and it got messy. Well, a world ended. And it got really messy anyways.”
Dan smiled sadly. “That’s what love is, though, Sheffield. It’s putting their life ahead of yours. It’s making a sacrifice for them. You were ready to sacrifice yourself to save the Doctor’s life. If you had, would you have wanted her to waste that?”
“That’s different.”
“How?”
“Because we always knew she was going to outlive me,” said Yaz. “I never anticipated outliving her.” She swallowed. “The woman I love is willingly heading to something she’s been told by Time itself will kill her. I don't know where, and I don't know when. I don't even have a spare TARDIS to find her, anymore, to try to help her. I can't do anything, except be stuck here. On Earth. But even if the Doctor survives… would she still be the woman I love?”
“Do you mean regeneration?” asked Dan. Yaz nodded once. “She said she keeps her memories, who she is at her core. The Doctor is always going to love you, Yaz. Because that’s who she is. Someone who loves. She’s even got a whole extra heart to give. And both of them belong to you.”
“But she’s going to change,” whispered Yaz. “Her face, her eyes, her personality, even her accent… it’ll all be gone. Dan, I…” She shuddered. “I’m not attracted to men. At all. What if she regenerates into a man again? What would that mean for us? And where does she go once she regenerates? I know the Doctor will keep the memories of us, but my Doctor… what happens to her? Does she cease to exist? Does she go to an afterlife? Or is she just buried somewhere within that new person?”
“I’m not sure,” said Dan. “I wish I did. But I don’t. I’m sorry.”
“I’m sorry, too,” said Yaz. She slumped back against the bench. “By the way, did you know which planet it was?”
“What planet?”
“The one the Master planted a bomb on. The one that died so I could be here.”
Dan didn’t say anything for a long time. The wind whistled, rattling the panes of plastic that formed the bus shelter. Finally, he sighed.
“Aquilegia. It was Aquilegia.”
The full force of his words slammed into her chest.
“You’re sure?” she whispered. He nodded. “So that little girl you were giving sweets to. Those babies. Everyone we saved from the Daleks…”
“All gone,” he said quietly.
Yaz nodded, stunned. They’d lost people before. The Doctor wasn’t always able to save everyone. But Yaz had never lost someone after saving them, after knowing they were safe. It was because of her. The Master had targeted her, because she’d been stupid enough to try and lure him away. He’d figured out Yaz’s feelings for the Doctor, had used them to hurt as many people as possible. To murder an entire planet. All to destroy the Doctor.
“Did the Doctor say anything about it? Afterwards?”
He sighed. “Not really. She was more focused on saving you, at first. Then she didn’t really talk much for the next month. But she told me about the people she’d travelled with who had died. The fact that she was willing to open up about that with almost no prompting from me said a lot.” Dan scrubbed a hand over his face. “That first night, after doing CPR on you, I left for a bit, once I knew you were stable. Told the Doctor I was going to shower, but it was really just to give her some time alone with you. I came back a few hours later to see if the Doctor needed to check on the TARDIS or something. Found her curled into bed with you.” He laughed fondly. “That bed was barely big enough for one person, let alone two. But she was pressed up against your side, her head on your shoulder, on the smallest piece of bed possible. She’d fallen asleep, still fully dressed. Never knew she actually did sleep, before. She always had the energy of a hummingbird. So when I saw her asleep and still, it was… heartbreaking. Anyways, I put a blanket over you two and left. The Doctor didn’t mention it in the morning, but I think she just needed you.”
Yaz closed her eyes briefly. She’d never really seen the Doctor voluntarily sleep, either. It was only when she was knocked out, the only times when Yaz had ever seen her completely still. Yaz wished she could’ve seen it, could’ve seen the Doctor let her barriers down fully and completely. She wished the Doctor would’ve let Yaz take care of her, like she’d taken care of Yaz thousands of times before. She wished she knew what it felt like to hold the Doctor like the Doctor had held her. But she never would, now.
“Do you think my mum had a point?” she asked softly. “That this entire relationship was fucked up, that the Doctor hid too much from me to actually have a solid foundation for love?”
Dan shrugged. “Only you can answer that for sure. I don’t know what she was like to you behind closed doors. I don’t know what was going on in her head. But I do know that there were genuine feelings there. I could see it in your eyes, I could see it in the Doctor’s. Your mum didn’t know the Doctor. She met her, what, once? When you barely knew the Doctor yourself. Your mum is hurting, Yaz. And she’s lashing out at the person she can pin the blame on. Don’t let your mum make you doubt yourself.”
“But in your opinion,” pressed Yaz. “Was I just deluding myself? Was the Doctor too old, too secretive?” She sighed, studying her hands. “I feel like I barely knew her. I didn’t know the last five people she’d travelled with died. I don’t even know their names. I don’t know how she met River, or Rose, or what their relationships were like. She told me about things she’d found out about herself during the Flux, she told me lighthearted stories, but I barely know anything meaningful about her.”
“You know more than you think you do, Yaz,” Dan said gently. “You spent three years travelling all of time and space with her. I think that’s more than enough time to genuinely fall in love with someone, even if you don’t know everything about their past. Think about it. Did the Doctor know everything about yours?”
“Probably not,” admitted Yaz. She rubbed at her wrist, at the scars that the Doctor had kissed so reverently. Even though she hadn’t known about them until Yaz had accidentally shown her, the Doctor had still accepted them. Had still wanted her, despite her past.
“Well, there you go,” said Dan. “I bet in time she would’ve told you everything you wanted to know. I saw her opening up to you more and more since we stopped the Flux. That trust, that bond she had with you, was real. The past is just that – past. It’s not important for building a relationship. What is important is how you feel, how you tied yourself to her and she to you. How you both brought out the best in each other. The details could come later.”
Yaz closed her eyes. She almost wished she could cry. It’d be easier than whatever this was.
“I just… I just wish she’d told me what she was planning. That she could have trusted me with Time’s prophecy. That we could have faced this together, even if we did decide it was better for me to stay home,” said Yaz. She took a breath. “Do you think she left because she feels guilty? About being in a relationship with me, about me getting hurt because of it, about an entire planet being destroyed? She could’ve… she could’ve taken you. Could’ve called almost anyone in the universe. I know she’s got friends who would jump to help her at a moment’s notice. But she went alone.”
“Maybe. It would fit, to be honest. But maybe she also just didn’t want anyone else hurt. Doing CPR on my best friend, knowing that you were literally moments away from death…” He shook his head. “I’ll never forget it. That’s the worst memory of my life. I can’t even begin to contemplate how the Doctor felt, what kind of an effect that has on a person, especially after everything else. Especially after we watched a planet burn together. Her actions were… cruel. But I can understand why she’s done what she has. It’s rational, practical. Although that doesn’t mean they don’t hurt any less.” Dan put his hand on her leg. “How are you feeling about this, though?”
Yaz flexed her fingers. The ache in her chest magnified, lingering, dull, heavy. She’d been torn from the Doctor before. But the permanence of this time, the finality… the Doctor had actually said goodbye. Her wish of forever on a skimmed stone had not even lasted two months. The wind on that beach had been warm, tossing the Doctor’s hair playfully, even as the weight of the moment had leached any joy from it. Although the Doctor had told her that nothing would happen romantically, Yaz had still let herself believe that the Doctor’s wish would come true. That nothing could tear them apart. But the Doctor had been right. They’d fixed themselves to each other and now… now, it hurt.
“Lost,” she admitted.
He examined her face. “Should I not have told you about Aquilegia?”
“No. I needed to know,” said Yaz. “I… thank you.”
“For what?”
“For always telling me the truth. For always being there for me when I need you.” She closed her eyes. “How am I supposed to do this without her, though?”
“The way everyone else does it, I suppose.” Dan shrugged. “One day at a time.”
As the wind suddenly howled, Yaz shivered. Forever stretched out in front of her, now. Forever, without the Doctor. Forever had seemed so daunting once before, at sixteen, on a lonely hill. Back then, though, a police officer had come to rescue her and asked her to wait three years. And three years later, Yaz had been swept off in a police box that was bigger on the inside. She’d had the greatest adventure anyone could ask for. Had found a bond with not one, but four incredible men. Had tumbled head over heels in love with an astonishing, unbelievable, wonderful woman who’d fallen to Earth like a burning angel, and had been fiercely loved in return. Because Dan was right. It had been love. It was love. Yaz loved the Doctor. No matter what had happened in the Doctor’s past. She loved the Doctor she knew. And she’d had three years with her.
Three years.
Yaz could do three years.
And if in three years, forever still seemed too impossible, then she would find a way to be with the Doctor again. In whatever form that took.
“It’s freezing out here,” said Dan eventually. “Come on. Let’s get you back to your family.”
Yaz shook her head. “I’m not really in the mood to deal with my mum right now, Scouse.”
“That’s not the family I meant,” said Dan, unable to suppress a grin as soon as Yaz called him “Scouse.” “I’m sure Graham would be more than happy to make up the other bed for you, if you wanted it. Wouldn’t be the first time you and I slept in the same room. But that’s what we are. You, me, Graham, and Ryan. Family. Fam.”
“…alright.”
“Yeah? Seriously?” Dan said, his smile widening.
“Seriously. Don’t go all soppy on me now, Scouse,” she said, rolling her eyes fondly.
“Never.” He stood up, stifling a groan as he stretched. “You, er, you may have to help, though. Not really entirely sure where we are.”
Yaz rolled her eyes again and pointed down the street, then set off, leading Dan back towards Graham’s house. The wind kept blowing, but somehow, with Dan at her side, it didn’t feel as bitterly cold as it had before. They walked back in silence, light spilling from the houses around them to light their way. Finally, Graham’s familiar door came into sight. She knocked on it. Barely seconds passed before it was pulled open.
“Yaz!” said Graham, a smile spreading over his face. “How are you, love?”
She shrugged. “Fine, I guess. Do you… do you mind if I spend the night here? I just don’t want to go back to my parents’ flat right now.”
“Course not,” said Graham, stepping back to allow her in. “You’re always welcome here, Yaz.”
She flashed him a small smile as she entered. “And listen, Graham, I’m sorry about shutting you out -”
He held up a hand, forestalling the rest of her words. “Don’t apologize, love. I’ve been there. I understand. If you want to talk about it, I’m here. But if not, I’m here too. Okay?”
Yaz gave him a more genuine smile. “Okay.”
“Ryan’s in the sitting room,” Graham said as he closed the door behind Dan and gestured them into the house. “He can put on the kettle while I make up a bed for you, if you want.”
“Actually, do you mind if I use your shower?” asked Yaz. “I… I’m pretty cold, and it’d warm me up nicely. A cuppa would be great afterwards, though.”
“Of course you can,” said Graham. “Do you want some fresh clothes too? I’ve got all of Grace’s old stuff, but you’re quite a bit smaller than she was. Ryan’s clothes might fit you better, if you’re okay with that.”
“Sounds perfect,” she said softly.
“Great.” He smiled at her again. “Ryan!”
“What is it?” Ryan wandered out of the sitting room. “Yaz! What are you doing here?”
“Gonna spend the night, if that’s okay.”
“Duh,” he said grinning. “Do you wanna watch a movie later? Just like old times?”
“Sure,” she said, returning his grin.
“Son, do you mind showing Yaz the shower and getting her some of your clothes?” said Graham. “I’m going to make up the extra bed. Dan, yours is ready. Second door on the right. Do you want some clean clothes too?”
“That’d be amazing, thanks, Graham.”
Ryan jerked his head and Yaz followed him down the hall to his room.
“So,” he said, glancing at her out of the corner of his eye. “You and the Doctor, huh?”
Yaz laughed shortly. “Like that hasn’t been pretty much all we’ve talked about today.”
“Yeah, but…” He shook his head. “Somehow still can’t wrap my head around it. Erm, sorry if you don’t want to talk about it, though.”
“It’s fine,” Yaz sighed. “What do you want to know?”
“How long was that going on? I had no idea you even liked her like that.” He started riffling through his drawers, pulling out a T shirt and joggers before holding them up for her approval.
“You and me both,” said Yaz with a wry smile. “Even though apparently it was super obvious to Graham, Dan, and the Doctor. It wasn’t long, though. Dan confronted her about how I liked her on New Year’s 2022, and she told me a few days later that nothing could happen. Then I kissed her after we ran back into the Master, and she agreed to give us a shot.”
She hesitated, glancing at the shirt Ryan held out for her. The short-sleeved shirt. Then, she nodded, taking it from him.
“Was she good to you?” he asked quietly.
“The best,” Yaz said honestly. “You were right.”
“About what?”
“I totally pulled.”
He laughed. “Oh yeah. She’s way out of your league. You were definitely punching up.”
“Oi!” she protested, unable to suppress a grin. “And what about you, huh? When were you gonna tell me about how you punched up?”
“What, with the Doctor? I had a crush on her for like, not even six months. Didn’t even attempt to make a move. You probably had her locked down at that time without even knowing it, anyway. Would’ve been pointless, wouldn’t it have. Besides, Rose and River were both women, right? Does she even like guys?”
“No idea. But I’m not talking about the Doctor, you idiot,” Yaz said. “I’m talking about my sister.”
“…I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Ryan’s eyes widened almost comically.
“Yes, you do. How long have you two been dating?”
“How’d you know?” demanded Ryan. “Hasn’t even been a month! We agreed not to tell anyone just yet.”
Yaz snorted. “I was depressed, not blind, Ryan. Sonya always beamed and angled herself so you could look down her top when you came to talk to me. And then you’d go off and whisper together before you left. She’s never been subtle when she likes a guy. I guarantee you my parents know too, and just haven’t said anything.”
“Oh.” He looked slightly put out. “Are you okay with it? We didn’t do anything while you were gone. We were out looking for you together, and we talked about it. It was just too hard, though. But then you came back and we started talking again and -”
“Ryan,” she interrupted. “You don’t have to justify it to me. And for the record, I’d be proud to call you my brother-in-law. You’d make a good brother-in-law.”
“Woah,” Ryan said, his eyes widening again. “It’s been barely three weeks. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves here.”
“Sometimes, when you know, you know,” said Yaz. “And you’ve known each other for years. I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with the Doctor the first time we slept together. And we were together for less time than you and Sonya have been. You know? Just loving her, laughing with her, listening to her tell stories, taking off her clothes and -”
“Oh, gross,” he groaned. “I don’t need to hear about your sex life with her.”
She laughed. “Hey, you started this conversation, not me.”
Ryan rolled his eyes. “And now I’m ending it. Shower is next door, on the right.”
Yaz flashed him another smile, then slipped into the bathroom. Closing the door behind her, she put Ryan’s clothes on the closed toilet. She dug in her pocket, pulling the hologram out and placing it carefully on the sink counter. Then, slowly, she let the Doctor’s coat fall from her shoulders. It whispered to the ground, puddling at her feet. The Doctor’s shirt soon joined it, then the Doctor’s old sweatpants. Naked without the last of the Doctor wrapped around her, Yaz shivered. Quickly, she turned the hot water on as high as it would go, then stepped into the shower.
The scalding water burned her. But Yaz stood there, letting it wash over her as her skin turned red and angry, letting it wash the stagnation of the last month away. She combed it through her hair, watching as rivulets formed on her body and rushed downwards. The last time she’d showered, the Doctor had been there with her. Had knelt between her legs, had kissed her with such reverence that Yaz could still feel it. The Doctor had been warm, solid. Now, the water wasn’t solid, but it was warm. Too warm. Yaz let her eyes drift shut. The memories were razor edged in her mind. But they were crystal clear. She could almost convince herself that the Doctor stood there now. That it was her hand running over Yaz’s body, not Yaz’s own. That it was her warm breath that Yaz inhaled, not steam. That it was her pressing Yaz back against the wall as her hand drifted lower, encouraging Yaz’s legs to part. That it was her love Yaz could feel as fingers brushed and entered her, slowly, carefully. Lovingly.
Tears leaked from her eyes, mingling with the water. But the Doctor in her mind didn’t care, didn’t stop as she hooked her fingers forward in the way that Yaz hadn’t known was possible before that first night. Before the Doctor, Yaz hadn’t known how good sex could feel. How to pull pleasure from her own body half as well as the Doctor had. Yaz knew now, though. And she pressed into herself like how the Doctor had shown her, as the way the Doctor smiled, the way she gasped, the way she went silent when she came, the way she arched into Yaz’s mouth and fingers, the way she tasted between her legs, the way she kissed with passion and love and joy, all filled Yaz’s mind.
The orgasm almost surprised her when it came. But the Doctor held her, whispered to her, loved her through it. And for a moment, Yaz let herself fall into the Doctor.
When Yaz opened her eyes, no one was there. Just the cooling water and Yaz’s own fingers buried inside of herself. The Doctor’s memory lingered. But it was no longer jagged, no longer likely to shatter her in passing.
Quickly, Yaz washed herself and got out of the shower. Toweling off, she pulled on Ryan’s clothes and slipped the hologram into her new pocket. Then, she reverently folded the Doctor’s clothes, laying the coat neatly on top.
“You’re just in time,” said Graham as Yaz made her way back into sitting room. “The kettle’s just boiled. Do you want milk? Sugar?”
“Just a bit of milk, thanks,” said Yaz. Ryan and Dan both smiled at her as she joined them. Graham nodded, then disappeared for a moment, returning with a steaming mug.
“Do you want me to throw those in the wash for you?” asked Graham, nodding at the folded clothes in her arms as he placed the mug on a coffee table in front of her. “They’ll be fresh for you in the morning, if you like.”
“Actually, Graham, I…” Yaz smoothed her hands nervously over the Doctor’s lapels. “I was wondering if you could put them with Grace’s old things.”
Graham’s eyes softened.
“Do you not want them anymore?” asked Ryan, confused.
“No, I very much do still want them,” Yaz said quietly. “I want her so much it hurts. These are the only things I have left of her. But grief needs time to heal, like you said, Graham. And I can’t heal if I’m always looking at them, remembering how it felt to wake up under her coat and how it felt to love her. I’ll come back for them, eventually. In time.”
“They’ll be waiting for you when you do,” said Graham. “Oh, come here, love.” He held out his arms and Yaz stepped into them, burying her face against his sturdy chest. “You know you meant the world to the Doc, don’t you? It was obvious just how much she cared for you from that hologram. And from how she looked out for you when we all travelled together. I know how you’re feeling right now. I went through that when I lost Grace. And you were there for me, you, Ryan, and the Doctor. Only right I return the favor now. You take as much time as you need, you hear? I’ll keep the Doctor safe for you.”
“Thanks, Graham,” she mumbled into him.
He squeezed her, then let her step back, taking the folded clothing kindly from her grasp. As he turned to go, Yaz panicked.
“Wait,” she said. Digging in her pocket, Yaz pulled the new hologram out. It was shiny, unblemished, full of pain. Full of love. She examined it. Then, she laid it gently on top of the Doctor’s coat. She met Graham’s eyes and nodded. He smiled sadly and turned away again.
“You alright, Sheffield?” asked Dan.
The Doctor had said goodbye. She was truly gone. And now, for at least the next three years, Yaz needed to let her go, too.
“No,” said Yaz as she watched Graham disappear around the corner, bearing away her last link to the Doctor. “But I think one day, I might be.”
___
Her new coat was singed. The acrid smell of seared wool filled her nose as she ducked, a Cyberman blast hurtling over her shoulder. Quickly, she spun, leveling her gun and shooting. The lead Cyberman fell over, revealing another right behind it. As the new Cyberman took aim, she ran, her burnt coat flying out behind her.
She whipped around a corner of the Cybercarrier. Her hearts pounded in her ears, her grip on her gun slick with sweat.
“Exterminate. Exterminate.”
A Dalek appeared from nowhere in front of her. She crashed to a halt, skidding slightly and wheeling her arms to keep her balance as she turned back the way she had come. But the Cyberman battalion came around the corner, arms held out in front of them.
“Delete. Delete.”
She was trapped. Lasers began to gather in the Dalek’s weapon and the Cybermen’s blasters. Then, as one, they fired.
She slammed to the floor. Rolling to the side of the corridor, she could feel the air superheat as the blasts roared through it. Metal screamed as it exploded and she spun smoothly into a crouch, using her arms to protect her head from any flying shrapnel. One piece tore past, lashing a line of fire across her cheekbone. Blood welled up immediately, dripping down her neck. The echoes of the blasts rang in her ears. But the Dalek was just a smoking shell now, the way ahead clear.
She ran.
The TARDIS’ top light shone at the other end of the corridor. Her hair whipped into her face as she bolted for the doors. Behind her, she could hear more Cybermen and Daleks converging. Holding her sonic above her head, she let out a short command. The TARDIS doors swung open and she smashed through them as another blast licked her heels. Sparks flew from the TARDIS floor where it hit. Another blast went wild, striking the first column guarding the central platform and shattering crystal into the air. She cried out as pieces embedded themselves in her neck and face like buckshot.
As she reached the dematerialization lever, she dropped her gun to the console. Slamming the lever, she pressed her sonic again. The TARDIS doors swung shut, the familiar whooshing signaling take off sounded. But before she fully dematerialized, she could feel the bombs she’d planted on the Cybercarrier explode at her sonic signal, rocking her to the ground.
Panting, she picked herself up. The TARDIS was safely in the Time Vortex, now. Blood continued to weep from her skin, splattering onto the controls. She stood for a moment, watching the gentle drips.
Then she screamed, slamming her fist on the console in frustration.
The Master wasn’t there, either.
She’d gone to the coordinates he’d sent her. She’d found countless Cybercarriers and Dalek war ships waiting for her. She’d gone from ship to ship, blowing up hundreds, killing thousands. Cybermen, Daleks, CyberMasters… whatever had come in her way. They’d converged on her, just like she’d expected. They’d tried to trap her, to kill her. And she’d barely escaped with her life, escaped without regenerating. She could only shoot so many as they’d surrounded her, and had had to instead rely on the bombs she’d brought. Risky business, blowing up a ship you were still on while trying to escape. She’d had no choice, though. Because the Master hadn’t been there. He was the only reason she’d come, the only reason she’d left everyone she loved behind, the only reason she’d taken such hearts-rending steps to protect the woman she valued more than anything else, and he hadn’t even bothered to show his half-melted face.
And if he wasn’t there, if she couldn’t find him and put him down like the rabid wolf he was, then he was free to hunt Yaz.
He was free to hurt her again.
“Where is he?” she half shouted. The TARDIS whirred in reproach and consternation. “I don’t care! I need to find him. He’s out there, murdering and burning and I need to find him now.”
She buried her hands in her hair, clenching and yanking at her roots, infuriated.
“He’s always one step ahead. How? How has he constantly outsmarted me, how has he always slipped away? It’s not fair.” She hammered at the console again and swept around the platform, ignoring the TARDIS’s spark of protest. “Why? Why is he still here, when so many others are lost? Why is he still alive, when so many are dead? Why is he still taunting me, when Yaz is gone?”
She grabbed the edge of the console, bracing herself. Closing her eyes, she swallowed back her anger, her rage.
“It’s like he’s suddenly gotten smarter,” she whispered. “More cunning, more ruthless. How – oh.” She gasped in realization, her eyes flying open. “The Cyberium. It’s still in him. He’s got a whole battle AI planning out his next moves. That’s why I can’t outsmart him. But maybe, maybe, I can outthink him. And yes, there is a difference, so hush.” She typed a command to the TARDIS. “I had the Cyberium in my mind. It was only for a moment, but I could feel it, feel how it worked, how it could be tracked. It had such a distinctive psychic signature, that’s how the Lone Cyberman found it. If I program my memories into you, we can trace the Cyberium. We can find the Master.” She closed her eyes briefly, before snapping them open again. “He and I have a reckoning that’s well overdue.”
Her gaze fell on her old weapon.
“And I’m going to need a bigger gun.”