Chapter Text
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Tellin' myself it's the last time
Can you spare any mercy that you might find
If I'm down on my knees again
Deep down, way down, Lord, I try
Try to follow your light, but it's night time
Please, don't leave me in the end
There's darkness in the distance
I'm beggin' for forgiveness (ooh)
But I know I might resist it, oh
Oh, I love it and I hate it at the same time
You and I drink the poison from the same vine
Oh, I love it and I hate it at the same time
Hidin' all of our sins from the daylight
Song: Daylight
By: David Kushner
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“What’s that ?” Inej chuckled when Jesper came into her room at the Mansion. Her mother had to turn her head away to hide her smile.
The sharpshooter grins, “Isn’t it gorgeous?”
Inej looked her tall friend up and down. He was wearing an orange suit, which contrasted beautifully with his dark skin, a purple waistcoat with a green vines pattern wrapped around his torso, and on top of all that sat a black wide-brimmed hat.
“The black should match something else in your outfit, I think.” She laughed.
Jesper scowled, “I know! But Kaz wouldn’t budge on the color.”
“What if we wrapped a ribbon in the color of your waistcoat around it?”
“Brilliant!” The man said and ran outside again.
“Inej tell him it won’t work. This is the seventh outfit already.” Nina groaned.
“I’m bored out of my mind in this house. I’m glad for some distraction.” Inej muttered. Her eyes went back to the rain pelting on the window panes.
“He’ll visit,” Nina softly says. Her hand squeezes Inej’s.
Would he though? She wondered. Kaz had shown his face only twice since the moment she woke. And they were never alone. He came in, babbled about some nonsense, asked her to sign papers, and she’s too tired to even read them, and he’s gone again. Leaving her feeling empty. She knows she has to rest and is still healing, but why wasn’t he staying? They could share the bed if they were careful.
“He feels guilty,” her friend says while munching on another one of her neverending waffle supply. Another promise Kaz had made and kept. They were silent for a moment and listened to Wylan play some tunes on the piano downstairs.
“He’s an idiot.”
“No objection to that, but you weren’t there, Inej. When we all thought we lost you.”
“Tell me everything.”
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“You promised!” Boreg shouted while the Stadwatch dragged him away. Kaz just smirked in reply. Watching from the stands as one of the witnesses in court. The Council of Merchants called out the verdict.
“Death by hanging tomorrow at noon,” and the spectators booed the ex-councilman when he got taken away.
Boreg rips himself free in the commotion and storms over to Kaz, a crazed look in his eyes, another Stadwatch already grabbing his shoulder. “You promised on your Wraith,” he begged Dirtyhands, “She’s still alive.”
“I promised to get you out of Hellgate if they locked you up there. You’re not going to Hellgate.”
All the fight left Boreg’s body at Kaz's sneer.
“Bastard,” he hissed.
“Indeed,” Kaz nodded and they took Boreg away. The Barrel only bred bastards.
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Kaz could count on one hand the times he had been surprised and the majority of them had been because of the same person now sitting on his window sill at the Slat. Feeding their crows. The glint of the bracelet he once gave her luring them closer.
“The unmovable mountain mourned the loss of the rain coursing down its sides. Crying and crying until a puddle formed at its feet.” Her soft voice spoke while breaking off another large piece from the loaf of bread in her hands.
“I could never follow most of your Suli proverbs,” Kaz said, quirking his lip playfully at her and closing the locks on his door. Placing the new hat she had gotten him, before they left for Ravka, on the crates that formed his desk. “So I would gladly get to the point of whatever wisdom you’ve prepared for me today.”
“The puddle grew so wide and deep it turned into a river, it visited the mountain daily. Earth and water united once again.”
He shrugged out of his coat and took a step closer to his wife.
“All earth needs water.”
“Am I your water?”
“No, you’re my rock and I cannot flow without the ground I’ve made my home.”
“You’re leaving,” Kaz replied softly, drawing closer still. Her presence a magnet he could never resist. The realization that her mind had been made up shook him to the core.
“Not immediately, but I’m better now and there are still people out there that need to meet justice.”
“And the swift vengeance of the Scourge of the Sea,” Kaz grunted, balling his hand to a fist to keep from touching her. He would have to tell her the reason why he hadn’t allowed Nina to heal the knife wound. Why he had wanted to feel a heartbeat, jumping in his hand, reminding him of her. Something told him, she didn’t need an explanation, though.
“I’ll return. To take you to Ravka. We have a deal.”
Kaz nodded, his heart hopeful.
“I’ve missed you,” she admitted out loud and Kaz wished he was so brave. Wished he could be the rock she needed.
“I… I couldn’t be there. I couldn't…"
“Kaz, it’s okay,” Inej said warmly, and she gracefully slid off the ledge and made her way to him. Her hand slowly reached to his so he could withdraw if needed.
Their fingers met and Kaz could swear he felt the air crackle between them. Thunderclouds clashing and warring for a piece of the sky they both shared. He had missed her too. It had been worse than losing Jordie. Burning fiercer than his vengeance for Pekka Rollins. He dropped to his knees, ignoring the pain in his leg, and clasped her hips tightly, pulling her to him so he could rest his face against her stomach. Her fingertips dragged through his hair, absolving him, and he was home .
“I went mad with grief, my darling.” He confessed to her belly. Afraid that, if he looked at her, it would be too real. His grief would return and when she clutched him closer to her in answer, he realized it had never left. Breathing harshly through his nose, he bit his lip and tried to hold back the whimpers that threatened to escape.
“I couldn’t lose you. Not after everything. Not after Matthias or Jordie. I just couldn’t.”
“I’m here, Kaz. I’m here.”
When he finally dared to look up, his eyes red rimmed and face blotchy, he saw the tears on her cheeks. Her dark eyes watched him with a feeling that could not be contained. A feeling he knew too well.
“My love, my treasure,” He groaned and pulled her down to sit with him on the floor. Kaz’s hands were trembling while he cradled her face. Their foreheads touching, breaths mingling. He could smell cinnamon and the strong tea she preferred in the mornings, the almond oil she rubbed in her hair and he exhaled shakily. “I want to kiss you.”
“Tell me when to stop,” Her lips soft as a whisper on his cheek and he closed his eyes. Inej pressed her mouth to his and held them there suspended in a second, an hour, in the universe that had shaped them both and where they had clawed out the mold for their souls. Giving themselves a fighting chance in a world that had been too cruel. Fitting snugly together. Belonging .
Kaz deepened the kiss and groaned again. Chasing the thrill of being able to kiss her without feeling the water touch him. Without Jordie whispering over his shoulder. Telling him what he couldn’t do.
With her he could do anything .
“Tell me when to stop,” She urgently said again while pressing him down on the dusty floorboards with kisses peppering his face. Her teeth nipping at his throat.
“Don’t stop,” Kaz gasped. Her hands nimbly opened his shirt and he scrambled to follow suit. Nearly ripping off her shirt to feel her skin on his, his fingers deftly making quick work of the wrappings around her chest. She sat in his lap, knees braced and Kaz leaned forward so he could kiss her mouth again.
“Oh, Kaz, my love.” Inej groaned and dropped her head back, her hair cascading on his knees and shins.
“ Inej ,” The only thing he could say. The only language he could translate in kisses and touches, long thought impossible, on her skin and imprinting on her heart. “ Inej .”
Inej pulled back and he gaped uselessly for a moment at her beauty, never wanting to stop touching her. A feat he could have never imagined. He whimpered at the loss and his hands fell to his sides. Her eyes as dark as his own, something brewing behind them and she righted herself. Dropping her hands to the top of her pants and Kaz’s mouth ran dry. Yes, yes .
“I want you,” He choked out and tears returned to his eyes. She was so precious to him and he felt grateful to any Saint willing to listen to his thieving prayers. Wanting to steal her to him and never let go.
Her bare hot core pressed against his hardness, her undergarments kicked to a forgotten corner in the room, and she flexed her hips to grind against him.
“Tell me to stop,” Inej repeated and kissed him soundly. Kaz shook his head, refusing her to stop. His fingers ran over her back, the outside of her strong thighs and he didn’t know where to kiss or touch first. She was completely naked and he was beneath her, fully dressed and his mind had turned into a molten puddle of thoughts shouting at him to keep touching her . To keep loving her.
She undid his pants and reached inside, her hand clasping around his erection, pulling him out. The cold office air and her hot hand on his skin made him hiss and then keen when she stroked him once, gathering some of the wetness seeping out to spread over the tip. Her other hand clutched the back of his head and she pressed him to her chest. Kaz kissed her breasts, his hands toying with her nipples and caressing her sides. He kissed the still healing scar of the bullet wound on top of her chest. Closer to her heart he could physically never get unless she allowed him to cut it out and place it in his own chest. That way, he could guard it and be together always . Her heartbeat buzzed beneath his mouth and he focused on that when she lifted herself up and angled his cock toward her center.
The first brush of her nether lips on the head of his hardness had him freeze. Until now, he had been lost in a haze of lust and grief and love that felt like it would transcend even death or make his mind splinter back into madness, but this made him pause.
“Are you sure?” He gritted out, he didn’t want her to do this if she thought she had to. He wanted to try, but if this was the only thing they could do physically, he would be content for the rest of his life. “We don’t have to.” He was fighting against wanting to move, wanting to beg, wanting to seek his pleasure, he couldn’t. Wouldn’t . Somewhere, in the back of his mind, he had fantasized about this. Dared to imagine taking her to the Geldrenner, booking the best suite, and toasting to her with strawberries and champagne, celebrating their love. Rose petals scattered on the bed and any other romantic cliché he could come up with. He wanted her to be wooed, to feel adored, but if she didn't care about all that, then he wouldn't either.
“I want you .” And Inej slowly pressed down, her face the perfect picture of concentration and Kaz forgot to breathe. Her heartbeat strong beneath his cheek while he clutched her close to him. She mumbled something under her breath and he soothed her back with his hands while she waited a moment to adjust. Inej drew back up for a moment and pressed back down. Repeating that several times, on each downward move, he slid deeper inside her and Kaz had to think of the worst things imaginable to keep from coming then and there.
Flush to him, Kaz could only stammer the first words that came to him. “I love you so much. You’re so strong and stunning and I don’t deserve you.”
Inej smirked slightly and moved and he couldn’t stop babbling nonsense to her he would be ashamed to remember after. Kaz wanted her to feel pleasure too, but he couldn’t concentrate on anything else but the gripping heat that was drawing everything from him. Beneath her hands he was nobody and everyone all at once. She made him and broke him at the same time.
“Come for me, husband.” Inej groaned in his ear and Kaz obeyed at once. Careful not to leave bruises on her hips with his hands while she ground down on him. His shout muffled by the skin on her chest, her hands in his hair until they both stilled. He was stunned and it took him a while to realize his mouth was hanging open at the miracle that had just happened on his dusty old office floor.
Inej’s wince when he softened and slipped out her, shook him from his stupor and with his eyes, he pleaded for her to trust him and she nodded, leaning back on the floor. He ripped off his waistcoat so she at least had something to pillow her head with while she laid down. His leg kept shooting sparks of pain through his body, and he welcomed it. It would keep him from losing himself to his memories while he kissed his way from her mouth, down her neck, lingering on the bullet wound scar and going lower still.
“Can I?” He breathed, his mouth nearly watering at the thought of tasting her and he smoothed his hands down her thighs to ease the trembling. Inej looked down at him and he held her gaze calmly while she bit her bottom lip and nodded sharply in agreement.
Kaz took his time, slowly, softly at first, easing them both into it. Making her relax and grow used to the new feeling. He could taste her and himself on his tongue and he couldn’t care less about the bitter taste he had left there. He could taste her beneath it. Musky, slightly salty and so very Inej . He lapped at her like a thirsty man fearing to never have a sip again. Moaning against her, his fingers still touching her wherever he could reach, and pressing his nose into her mound while he dug a little deeper with the tip of his tongue. Dragging it back up and sucking gently.
“Oh, just like that!” Inej suddenly groaned and her legs nearly snapped shut around his head, so Kaz repeated that and remembered that day on his knees in the bathroom in Lij. Remembered what she had liked then and did more of that. He felt himself grow hard again, but it was less urgent this time and he swore to himself he would see her satisfied.
He drew out her pleasure until she sobbed and begged and almost curled into herself when she came. Her slickness growing and he felt wetness seep down his chin, he wanted to continue but she dragged him up and over her so she could kiss him. Kaz felt his jaw ache and hoped he would get better at it.
“Was it… Was that alright?” The insecure young man he still was, deep inside, without armor, asking her if he made her happy.
Inej's back bowed to get closer to him and she pressed her hips to his while nodding empathically, easing his worries, rubbing herself and her slickness over his hardness.
“I want to feel you inside me,” Inej murmured, her hands cupping his face so she could pull him to her again and taste herself on his lips. “Like this. With you on top of me.”
“Are you su…”
“Yes, I’m sure,” She smiled and canted the lower half of her body a bit so he could reach better.
“Don’t you want to be in a bed for this?”
“Kaz Rietveld-Ghafa, if your cock isn’t inside me in the next five seconds, I will get my knives and make you.” His lovely wife threatened and Kaz chuckled. He loved her so.
Fitting between her legs, he ground down on her, making them both hiss. Kaz leaned on his good leg and shifted on one arm so he could take himself in hand and guide his cock inside her. He slipped several times, never quite finding the right angle and it made her giggle which made him smile like an even bigger idiot atop of her. With a bit of her assistance Kaz slid back in and he held himself on both hands so he wouldn’t crush her with his body’s weight.
They both stilled and held their breath.
“I never thought we would…” His voice quieted down when he saw her face. Her eyes on him and she was present . She was there with him. Triumph coloured her face. Their memories hadn’t won. The Menagerie or Tante Heleen couldn’t touch this. Couldn’t taint this forever. They had taken it back.
“I love you,” Kaz exhaled proudly. He had never before seen such a smile lit her face and if he could put it there every day starting now, he would never regret his past. Not when it brought him to her and something told him that nothing would keep them apart. Not in the way it mattered.
“Make love to me, Brekker,” She grinned and he did, remembering he needed to thank her for his new hat .
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“Brisk, send a runner,” Kaz snaps and folds the note he just wrote in two before handing it over to the boy standing behind his chair. The boy is quick to grab it and disappear back into the shadows. Kaz turns back to the rest of the Hoops. “Geels, I want your men enforcing the new etiquette at the Pleasure District.”
“Got it, Boss. What about the pigeons that don’t listen?”
Kaz grins darkly and tightens his fingers on the crow’s head cane. “Make sure they leave Ketterdam weighing less than with what they’ve arrived with.”
“Money or meat?”
“I don’t care as long as the Stadwatch won’t be involved.”
Geels nodded, it had taken a while for him to take the tattoo and the offered chair on the Barrel Hoops, but once he did the remaining Barrel bosses easily followed. With Burt out of the picture, Geels had been quick to step up and take back the lead of the Razor Tips.
“Now for the issue of the counting customers,” Kaz started and faced Anika at his right to start her explanation.
“Yes, so we’ve installed a new system to make sure the pigeons aren’t adding their own cards during the game. Our experts,” Kaz knew she meant Van Leeuwen and Wylan, “Have added a small dusting of a certain metal that…” Anika paused her explanation when she noticed Dirtyhands tilting his head.
The bells of the Harbor were sounding. Nine. Ten.
Geels frowned but couldn’t fight against the slight grin stealing over his face.
Eleven. Twelve.
Kaz turned his whole face now toward the window. It had been six months. Everybody held their breath.
Thirteen.
“Anika, take over. Make sure the notes are on my desk by tomorrow noon.”
“Yes, Sir,” Anika stammered through her smile.
Kaz swept his gaze over the assembled Hoops in front of him. “Gentlemen. Ladies.” He sneered and quickly made his way out of the room on East Stave.
Brisk was already jogging behind him.
“Does this mean she’s back, Kaz?”
Kaz grunted.
“Kaz, will you meet her at the Berth, Kaz?”
He was regretting ever giving the boy permission to use his name.
“No, I’m not. She’ll be busy docking. I’ll be at the Nest. It will be the first place she wants to see after starting up her little organization.”
Brisk rolled his eyes. Little organization. As if. Inej had used the floors beneath Kaz and her apartment to start up a safe place for ex-indentures. The Grisha’s were sent to Nina running her own operations at Little Ravka, but the remaining ones needed a place to stay too.
Together with the Hoops, Van Eck and several anonymous donations from one Mister Rietveld, she had made it possible for the ex-indentures to have a roof above their heads and also the option of safely getting back home or getting help to find a job. It partially served as an orphanage and Brisk was volunteering at the shelter whenever Kaz didn’t have need of him. A certain Kaelish girl working there now might have something to do with that as well.
Kaz was nervous. Kerch indentures had ended, but that didn’t mean new slavers weren’t trying to get back on their feet. This time focused on Ravka and Novyi Zem. Inej had been ferrying from one country to another for the past six months with no time to spare to stop at Ketterdam.
Their marriage hadn’t remained secret for long. The proud display of their rings a dead giveaway, but also the fact that he had taken off a month once everything in Ketterdam had calmed down. A month for them to go back to Ravka, bring back her family and marry for real. Returning back to Ketterdam, united and backed by some of the strongest, richest and most talented people in the world. Fear coursed over people’s spine with an icy shiver when they heard both their names mentioned in the same sentence.
She had been glorious in her red silks and yes , she had danced at their wedding. Kaz’s heart quickened whenever he thought about it. Their wedding night had been less of a success in the traditional sense of the word, but it had been perfect for them. Holding hands and sharing kisses. Knowing their family and friends were near and they were safe. The new scar on her chest, just above her left breast, his favorite place to kiss. Remembering that she had almost been taken from him.
“What would you have done?” She had asked when he kissed her there for the thousandth time. Tears clinging to his lashes. Ready to worship every Saint she believed in for the chance to keep doing this until his dying breath.
“I would have followed every slaver to the end of the world to avenge you.”
“What about your Club? Ketterdam?”
“None of it is home without you,” He had murmured before kissing her again. Trailing his naked fingers over her strong shoulder. Playing with the ends of her dark hair.
“And after that? When you killed them all?”
“I don’t know,” He had whispered, terrified.
“I know,” She replied, “You would have lived. For us.”
“Would I?”
“I’ll pretend to believe that.”
And he had pretended too before willingly giving himself over to drown in her love. Waters he welcomed gladly.
They saw Nina making her way outside of the building the moment they turned the corner of the street.
“Nina!” Brisk called her attention and strode up to her. Kaz followed steadily, leaning heavily on his cane. He had been pacing much too fast and his leg wasn’t grateful for the extra strain.
“I heard,” Nina smiled, “And I’ll be at Little Ravka. Please tell Michelle I’ll expect her for lunch.”
“My Wraith won’t be glad to have you steal her accountant again.”
“Your wife will be,” the heartrender grinned, “Because Michelle’s office is right below your bedroom.”
Kaz flushed before he could help it and snapped back at Nina, “Get out of here, Zenik. And take the boy with you.”
“Gladly. Have fun kids.”
Kaz flipped her off to Brisk’s great amusement.
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“Happy anniversary,” Kaz smiled his crooked smile at his wife. They were laying belly down on a rooftop, watching the Menagerie burn down. The matches he had handed her, uselessly beside them.
Kaz had bought the building for this reason alone. Tante Heleen had left the country shortly after Boreg’s imprisonment, and if she ever returned, his Crows would be waiting for her. So, he had deemed it a wise investment to acquire a new property and it had been the perfect gift for their one year anniversary.
“Any more secrets?” She asks him, grinning about scratching off just one more thing off the list to help her heal. Turning her beautiful face to her husband, her hand propped under her chin while they ignored the people panicking below.
“Just one.”
“What’s that?”
Kaz took a deep breath and kissed her soundly before replying.
“The manifest was fake. I found out the names of the Tides’ children and planted the list.”
Everything had been a set-up from the start. He had stacked secrets and schemes like a card house and never told anyone he had them glued together against every blow of the wind. Defying their odds from the very beginning. Cheating the game like the magician and thief he had always been.
Inej laughed.
Kaz warmly gazed at her, “That’s the laugh.” He murmured.