Chapter Text
Eddie had to admit; he was wrong. He thought therapy was for rich people who couldn't decide how to screw over the lower class and needed help making a decision. Or girls who were sad about marrying badly. Which is a terrible thing to think in retrospect, but hey. 20/20 and all that, he was just glad he kept his thoughts to himself at the beginning cause no doubt Robin and/or Nancy would've had words with him. But it really was helping.
"Should I leave Hawkins?" Eddie asked.
"Do you want to?" Isaiah asked calmly. The man came recommended by Owens and he really was good at prying shit out of Eddie and making him deal with it.
"I don't know. I feel like I can't move on if I stay here." Eddie said.
"Move on in what sense? From your reputation? Or from Steve?"
"...from Steve. I feel like I'm holding him back. How are we ever supposed to be friends again if just the sight of me brings back horrible memories?" Eddie said, flopping back onto the couch. Steve always stood up for him too, whenever he heard people talking. He'd almost been in a few fights already and did get into a fight with one of Jason's cronies, and it was his fault, he knew it, even if no one said so. "I feel like I hurt him just by existing. Like I should've just stayed dead." He finished in a whisper.
"Eddie, your friends and your uncle are all happy to have you back. Steve is a complicated case, yes, but don't neglect to remember just what your survival has meant for everyone. Steve is happy you lived, even if that happiness is wrapped up in mixed feelings." Isaiah reasoned. "And, Steve has told me, and I have his permission to tell you, that he's glad you survived. Not just for everyone else, who you know are beyond happy to have you back," Here he gave Eddie a firm look until he nodded in acknowledgment. "Steve is happy you're alive as well. He thought he failed you, bringing you into this mess only for you to die. He's glad you're alive."
"Fuck! Why is this so hard? I don't even have memories of this bullshit but the nightmares come almost every night." Eddie could feel tears burning in his eyes and he quickly took some deep breaths, trying to keep them from falling.
"It's still a traumatic event Eddie. And even if you don't remember, it happened and your mind has to make peace with that." Isaiah said.
"I just want this to be over. I want to be okay." Eddie whispered miserably.
"Do you wanna know why I think you haven't really moved forward?"
"Enlighten me doc." Eddie sarcastically said, waving a hand for him to continue.
"You haven't let yourself break." At Eddie's look, Isaiah continued. "You may be here, but you haven't let yourself process it, it's all just a nightmare to you and I think it's why you have them so often. Eddie, have you even cried yet?"
"Why should I cry? I'm not the one who got kidnapped for days, or died." He shot back defensively.
"Crying is cathartic, and therapeutic. If you're embarrassed you can do it alone, but it's usually best to break down with a loved one so they can take care of you after. And Eddie, did you mock Steve when he ran away to skull rock?" Isaiah calmly explained and asked.
"What?! No! That'd be a dick thing to do!"
"And it's the same for you. No one will make fun of you."
Eddie just whined and slumped back. "I just want things to not be so hard." He repeated.
"It's going to be hard for a while Eddie. You know, when soldiers return from war, the most common outcome is they either kill themselves, or their lives fall apart around them. Do you know why?" Isaiah asked.
"M'not a soldier." Eddie mumbled.
"No, but you all went through some pretty heavy shit huh." Smiling, he waited till Eddie stopped laughing before he continued. "They fall apart because they don't talk. They bottle it all up, and it sits and testers like a bomb until it goes off and damages everything around them. And of course, therapy for the weak and women, right?" Isaiah smiled wryly at him and Eddie squirmed in embarrassment, blushing as his thoughts at the beginning of this were brought up.
"So what, I'm gonna explode one day?" Eddie deflected.
"No, maybe, even with therapy sometimes things still go wrong. But it's important that you repair those relationships you damage. Steve still has outbursts, a leftover from high school and his 'King Steve' days, but he apologises, and he owns up to it." Isaiah pointed out, laughing at Eddie's look of distaste. "And Eddie, the last percentage of soldiers, the ones that don't self-destruct or end up alone. You know what they do Eddie?" Isaiah asked, bringing them back on track.
"What?"
"They live."
~~~~~~~~
"Steve, what is this?" Robin asked. She was helping Steve clear out his childhood bedroom as he found an apartment to move into.
Turns out his asshole parents had put the house up for sale and had sent Steve the paperwork to access his inheritance. Not that he really needed it with four government payouts. But who said his parents needed to know that.
Looking over his shoulder to see what Robin was talking about, he saw she was holding a stapled pile of papers. "Hmmm?" Putting on his glasses - which he'd been neglecting using and boy had he gotten an earful for it - he took a closer look. "Oh! Don't worry about that." Reaching to grab it, Robin pulled it away and backed up.
"No, Steve, is this? Is this your college essay? I thought you got rejected?" She questioned, looking through the pages.
"I mean, rejected, never applied, it's all the same." Steve tried to say.
"Steve! What the hell?" Robin shouted.
"It's fine, I wasn't gonna get in anyway." Returning to his packing, Steve moved away from Robin who was looking at him in shock. "And then, I didn't want to leave. The kids grew on me, and I wanted to be close in case the Upside Down came back. Which it did, by the way!"
"Steve, this isn't a bad essay." Robin said, but she was cut off by Steve.
"It's bad. I had Nancy look it over and she wasn't impressed."
"Nancy's a snob when it comes to academics." Robin reminded him, rolling her eyes.
"Robin!"
"It's true! You and I both know it. She's a perfectionist in life and it's worse with school. But honestly, Steve, I've seen so much worse and they got into school." Robin argued. "I'm pretty sure my college essay was similar to this."
"No it wasn't, you're good at this shit." Steve told her.
She smiled at him, but then she got that glint in her eye and she ran. With his essay.
"Robin! What the hell?" Abandoning his packing, Steve chased after her, having fun despite his embarrassment.
When he reached the ground floor, he found her standing in front of the door, car keys in hand. He raised an eyebrow at her, knowing that she couldn't drive and was far too anxious to try without any proper lessons. From a professional. And apparently Steve didn't count.
"Come on," She said, tossing him the keys. "we're gonna talk to someone who isn't Nancy."
It was cryptic, but Steve decided to indulge her anyway. Within minutes they were pulling into the driveway of a modest home. Following Robin, she knocked on the door and it opened to reveal…
"Mr. Clark!?" Steve yelped in surprise.
The poor man looked just as surprised to see them as well, but he was also a professional. "Hello kids! What can I do for you?" He asked, confused but not unhappy.
"Hi Mr. Clark! Sorry to bother you outside of school, but I was wondering if you would mind looking over this essay for us? It's for college." Robin explained, holding out the bundle of papers.
"Robin, no, it's fine. Sorry Mr. Clark, you don't have to do this." Steve tried to interfere, a blush forming on his face.
But Mr. Clark was already taking the papers and opening the door further to welcome them inside. "Come on in, it's no problem, especially since I haven't been able to teach for a while."
Walking in, their former teacher got them set up with coffee and cookies at the kitchen table, all of them sitting down as he went over the essay.
It was a tense silence, or, at least it was for Steve. He spent the whole time just making faces at Robin and she made them back, the two of them communicating without words. He was baffled as to why they were here, so he didn't actually submit a college application. So what?! He's pretty sure they had bigger issues than whether he was in school or not and besides, he was dumb. What was the point? The point, she argued, is that he wasn't planning for the future because he didn't see a future and that shit was just grim. Not to mention, he wasn't dumb, no matter what some teenagers said, genius or not, he could go to school if he really wanted.
Their silent argument was brought to an end when Mr. Clark softly cleared his throat, their attention snapping back to him.
"Well Steve, I'm quite impressed. You managed to take an event that your grandfather experienced and relate to yourself, then you tied it together. My only concern is that you don't seem to be looking forward, instead ending it a bit ambiguously." Was his assessment.
Ignoring Robin's sharp look of 'I told you so', Steve thanked the man, hoping this was the end of the conversation. "Thank you Mr. Clark for indulging my friend here," He gave her his own sharp look in return. "but I know where my skills are and schooling is not one of them."
Robin was giving him a worried and confused look now, he rarely spoke all formal around her or their friends, but speaking with an authority figure had him slipping into the manners his parents had instilled in him. He hated it, but it was a habit, one that Hopper and Joyce and even Owens had stopped in its tracks when it came to them.
And maybe, here as well because Mr. Clark was giving him a worried look.
"You know, if you wanted to wait to go to school that's fine as well." He said with an encouraging smile, catching Steve off guard. No one had ever told him he could wait, it was always urgent that he start as soon as possible. "Not everyone knows what they want to do right away, and if you wanted to take a year or two, or more, to figure it out l, I think that's better than forcing yourself to go for the sake of going and ending up doing something you'll hate. Do you have an idea of what you want?"
"I, uh… I haven't really thought about it." Steve whispered shamefully.
"That's okay, I didn't know what I wanted to do at your age either." He soothed.
"Really!? I thought you were born a teacher." Robin blurted, slapping her hands over her mouth.
Mr. Clark just laughed. "It's okay, I'm glad I give off that aura. Once I realised I wanted to teach, a year had passed since I graduated, and thankfully I worked during that time so I could afford to go on my own. My parents wanted me to be a doctor." He winked at them. "And, you know Steve, with everything that's happened recently, I bet you could rework this essay to more closely tie yourself closer to your grandfather and make an even stronger essay."
"Uh, what do you mean? We just worked after the uh, earthquakes." Robin tried to cover, by lying. Badly.
Steve just have her a look of 'why did you even try?'. Robin just flailed at him.
Mr. Clark just looked at them, serious all of a sudden. "I may not have probed, but I do know that things are more complicated than they seem. And I know a lot of you kids got wrapped up in it." He gave them a look of sorrow. "Maybe it's cowardly to have not asked questions, but I don't think I could handle knowing. The only thing I can do is try to be here, and mind my business. So Steve, if you want to go to school, I'd be happy to look over any essays for you. And if you never want to, well, there's nothing wrong with honest work."
Leaving it at that, Steve and Robin put their plates away, letting themselves leave it when Mr. Clark insisted that he could handle the dishes. Walking them to the front door they said their goodbyes, but Steve turned back.
"Mr. Clark? It wasn't cowardly, not to look. It would've just ended badly. But you've always been there for the kids, Dustin and then I mean. You're a good guy, and a good teacher. So thanks. For looking at my essay, even though school hasn't started yet." Steve told him.
Mr. Clark smiled at him, eyes a little shiny. "Thank you Steve, I really appreciate that."
~~~~~~~~~
When Eddie got home that day, his mind was spinning with everything Dr. Isaiah had told him. He'd cried after nightmares, letting his uncle hold him, but not always, and they were always brought on by adrenaline and fear. What would happen if he just, let go?
Groaning in frustration, Eddie stripped down and headed for the shower, getting distracted, as always, by his reflection. He turned on the water, waiting for it to warm up, trying not to look but his eyes were drawn back to the mess of twisted flesh that was his sides and stomach. He had a scar on his arm as well, on the tricep as Steve pointed out once (if it's on the back it's the tricep, the front is the bicep), and one on his jaw, and another on his neck. For some reason, those didn't bother him as much even though they were much more visible.
But looking at the pockmarked skin just brought back the worst memories. He wasn't brave enough to take off his shirt in public, but Steve was. Just the other day they were at the pool, a rare day where Steve felt comfortable around him enough to stick around, and Eddie had felt confident enough to be out in public. Eddie kept his shirt, a tank top, on the whole time, but with how the wet material had clung to his sides, it was easy to see it didn't lie flat. He could hear the whispers all throughout the pool, but what surprised him most was how most of them were sympathetic. He could see people do double takes at Steve's sides and back, then look closely at his shirt, and he saw people's eyes fill with pity. Afterall, Eddie had been 'held captive for several months by Henry Creel', and no doubt people could guess he looked worse since Steve was only 'attacked while rescuing his friend'.
Even Jason's old buddies hadn't dared come near him after Steve's little display in the grocery store. The cashier lady still gave him dirty looks, but if she was the only one available she'd check him out without saying anything. He'd even been given his diploma, an apology from the school and town for letting the basketball team hunt him for sport. Life was, amazingly, okay right now. Did he still want to run away and leave Hawkins behind forever? Yes. But he had his friends, his new family that included more than just Wayne now, even his Hellfire crew had been allowed to come near him again (turns out their parents had kept them apart, which still stung considering he'd known them for a while). Realising he couldn't see himself in the mirror due to the stream fogging it up, Eddie shook himself out of his revere and stepped inside. When he was little and still living with his parents, he'd sometimes hide in the shower so he could cry without being heard. Maybe muscle memory or some shit would kick in now and have him balling his eyes out.
An hour later and still no dice, Eddie exited the shower, more frustrated than before which is the opposite of what a shower should do in his opinion. Quickly dressing, Eddie stomped down to the kitchen, groaning all the while.
"Always nice to see you in a good mood son."
Jumping into the air in shock, and much higher than he would have been able to previously, Eddie spun around a saw Wayne standing in the kitchen.
"Jesus H. Christ Wayne, I thought you were at work!" Eddie yelled, hand clutching at his chest in fear.
"We had some extra people today, new hires and all. They offered to le time come home and I figure, we got some breathing room now, might as well." Wayne explained.
"Good for you. I'm proud of you." Eddie grinned, calming down and shooting his uncle a thumbs up.
"So what's got you grumbling like that?" Wayne asked, reminding Eddie of his frustrations.
"Ughhhhhhh!" Throwing himself on the couch, Eddie slumped back and waited for Wayne to join him. "Isaiah says I need to have a good cry so I can exorcise my demons or whatever." Here, Eddie out his hands beside his body and shook them, demonstrating what he meant and getting a chuckle from his uncle. "I think I get it, Steve looked like he felt better after we had a moment, and so did I, but I haven't really been able to since."
"Hmmm. You know Eddie, when I came back from Nam, I was a shell of who I was. Blew up my relationship, couldn't find a job until I got lucky that the foreman had a soft spot for veterans. Found a couple in the factory that I still talk to. Lost a few friends as well, when they couldn't move past their demons. But I was stuck. I wasn't living, just surviving. Until one day, a scrawny little thing with the biggest brown eyes showed up on my doorstep with nothing but a bag on his back." Wayne looked to be lost in memory, staring at the wall with a soft smile on his face. Eddie was hooked, he never heard his uncle talk about this before and he never knew.
"So what, I brought you back?" He whispered.
"Almost. It was hard, that first year or so. But then came a day, when I managed to sneak up on you. You shrieked and jumped, yelling and looking like a that stray cat we had around when Mrs. Johnson would spray the hose at her." They chuckled at that, remembering how that cat would yowl and look so offended. "That was the first time I managed to sneak up on you, y'know. Everyday you were so tense, so aware of where I was at all times. That day was when I realised how far we'd come. You finally let your guard down around me." Wayne had tears in eyes, and Eddie could feel his own eyes burning but still he didn't feel the urge to cry.
"What I'm saying son, is you'll find the thing one day, the sign that shows you just how far you've come and that day, it'll all be worth it." Wayne reached over and Eddie let himself be pulled into a hug.
"That day Eddie, you'll find yourself again."
~~~~~~~~~
One thing that changed with all their shit being out in the open was the number of 'holy shit we survived' get togethers. Which was fun, and it helped make sure everyone was okay, no more slipping through the cracks like before, i.e. Nancy and her guilt, Johnathan with his bad coping skills, Steve needing glasses from his various concussions (and boy, were all of those conversations.). But it also meant the kids had even more opportunities to be little shits.
"Come on Eddie, just jump off the roof! Or at least from one of the windows. You're a vampire now, you'll be fine." Mike goaded, the other kids making agreeing noises.
Except for Will and El, the absolute saints.
With everything settling down, the kids decided now was the time to test how Eddie's vampire powers compared to the lore. Even Max, now healthy enough to leave the hospital, was goading him on. They had Eddie running through the forest to test his speed- above average but not supernatural-, his strength- strong enough to life Johnathan above his head with no effort-, the sunlight and garlic thing was already disproven, and crosses didn't phase him. They kept thinking of more 'tests' to run, which now apparently included asking Eddie to jump off roofs to see how durable he is.
"Hey, shitheads! He said no, we said no, back the fuck off and leave him alone. He's barely even a vampire anyway." Steve yelled at him from where he was helping Hopper grill food.
The chill was really starting to set in now, and the school was repaired enough that classes would be starting back up soon. A week later than usual, but everyone was eager to go back to normal. So they were throwing a BBQ to celebrate, set at Joyce's new house, a gift from the government which meant it was big enough for her, the kids, Hopper and a guest room for Argyle. He was set to return to California soon, so Joyce had offered the room to Steve when they'd heard about Steve being, essentially, evicted from his house, a thing none of them would have known about before these get-togethers. But he wanted some independence, so he found a nice two bedroom just outside of downtown and Robin would be moving in with him while she saved up for college next year.
While everyone dug in, Steve noticed that Eddie hadn't grabbed anything. Keeping an eye on him, he took the opportunity when Eddie went inside to grab some more drinks. Quickly finishing his food, Steve got up and followed him.
"Eds, you okay?" Steve asked when he found Eddie in the kitchen, reaching into the fridge to grab fresh beverages.
"Huh? Oh, hey Steve, yeah I'm fine." Eddie replied as he placed the drinks on the counter.
"You sure? Usually you can eat some actual food at these things. The kids didn't push you too far did they?"
"I'm okay Steve, really."
"Are you hungry?" Steve asked.
"Uh, kinda. But it's whatever, I'll live." Eddie tried to brush off.
Steve looked at him strangely for a moment, then he turned his head so he was looking past Eddie. "I can feed you, if you want."
Eddie's brain kinda broke at that.
"You, huh, hmmm, wha?" Yeah, his brain was broken.
Steve flushed, but turned his gaze back to him. "You're hungry, and you can't enjoy the food if you're not topped up on blood or whatever-"
"I hate the way you phrased that."
"So why don't you feed from me? It's not like Joyce has blood bags here after all." Steve finished, completely ignoring Eddie's interruption.
"Steve…you know you don't have to do that right? It's not like anyone has to. I have my blood bags and just cause I can't eat people food right now doesn't mean I'm missing out or whatever."
"You're still people Eddie. Just different. And besides, I want to feed you." Steve was blushing bright red now, arms crossed defensively over his chest.
"I don't know if that's a good idea. I've never fed from a person before and besides! What if I hurt you? We're barely okay right now, I don't want to set us back." Eddie confessed.
Steve looked at him for a moment, considering. "You know, for the longest time, I thought it was just girls for me." Eddie's head shot to look at him, not sure where this was going. "When we met, I felt something. I just didn't have the words for it. Then you died and I thought that was the end of it. I didn't want to explore these feelings with anyone else." Eddie was leaning forward as Steve spoke. Steve wasn't even looking at him at this point, but Eddie was still drawn forward. "Then you were back, but you weren't you. I was scared Eddie, I won't lie, but I knew it wasn't you. And I was even more scared when we got you back, and you almost died again. It's been a fucking rollercoaster man." Steve laughed without humour, and Eddie could smell the salt of fresh tears, even though Steve wasn't crying. "I think we're okay now, and I know we still have a long way to go, but if you're interes-"
"Yes!" Eddie cried out, practically face to face with Steve now.
"Yeah?" Steve repeated, a goofy smile breaking out on his face. "It's not gonna be easy. There are still days I can't stand to have you behind me still."
"Worth it. Anything with you is worth it stev-sweetie."
"Good save." Steve chuckled.
"I try." Eddie grinned back.
"So," Steve pulled back slightly and rolled up the sleeve on his flannel, a gift from Hopper. "will you feed? From me? I'm pretty sure that was your end goal when you were Kas, so I just wanna know how much it'll hurt."
"Planning on feeding me in the future?" Eddie tried to joke, but it fell flat. Both of them were nervous about this.
Steve just blushed some more and held out his wrist.
Tenderly, Eddie cradled his hand and brushed his thumb along his pulse point. Slowly, checking to make sure it was okay, Eddie brought Steve's wrist up to his face. Gingerly, he pressed a kiss along the tendon and moved further up to avoid the delicate structures and veins he could feel under the skin. Checking one last time, he got a nod of confirmation from Steve, so he opened his mouth, feeling his fangs descend from behind his canines.
Biting down on his forearm, Eddie quickly sank his fangs in, holding Steve's arm firmly when he instinctively tried to jerk back. Cradling his arm, Eddie removed his fangs and started a gentle suction, resisting the urge to moan in pleasure at the taste of Steve's blood. How he'd go back to bag blood was beyond him at the moment. He didn't linger too long, pulling back as soon as he felt sated, licking the wounds until they stopped bleeding and pulling back.
When he dared to look at Steve, his breath stuttered in his chest. Steve's face was flushed, and he was biting his lower lip with hooded eyes. He looked like he just had a steamy makeout session quite frankly.
"Steve? You okay?" Eddie asked, trying to steady his breathing.
"Yeah." Steve was not as successful. "It wasn't bad," He continued, pulling his arm back into his sleeve. "just pressure, really."
"Okay, good to know." Eddie had never felt so awkward in his life. "Uh, we should prolly head back."
"Yeah! Yeah we should, but, uh. Do you, maybe, wanna plan something?" Steve asked, shifting on his feet.
Fuck, Eddie thought to himself, he's so fucking cute. "Yeah, yeah! Uh, Friday maybe? Dinner and a movie at my place?"
"Sounds good. I'll bring a lasagna." Steve agreed, grabbing half of the drinks Eddie removed earlier and heading back out.
It took Eddie a moment to come back to himself, but when he did, he couldn't stop the giddy smile from taking over his face. Grabbing the rest of the drinks, Eddie went to join his family.