A Love That Won't Sit Still

by thanku4urlove

Chapter 31

Summary:

Seventeen releases their first full length album, and a lot of other firsts come with it.

Notes:

here it is. the final chapter! enjoy.
(cw for implied sexual content and an unrelated brief mention of dieting)

The very next day was Seventeen's three hundred day anniversary, and Jihoon was allowed to say in his diary entry that the group was working hard on a full album, news for the fans that quickly made it to the press. That put the pressure on a little harder, Jihoon spending the entire week in the studio, Soonyoung working just as hard to try to get choreography made. They took breaks to watch One Fine Day as it aired, and despite the filming conditions, it was a pretty amusing show. Jihoon never wanted to go to Yeoseodo again, and honestly would probably be fine never filming a show with MBC again, but still. It was fun to watch. 

Mingyu, apparently, had been practicing for his driver’s license the entire time, skipping out for a few hours on Monday to take the test and passing on his first try. He was incredibly excited about it, Jihoon wishing he’d known beforehand so he could have prepared something, though Mingyu promised that the kisses Jihoon gave him before they started home that night were good enough. 

By the first of April, the end was finally in sight. All they had left to record was Pretty U, and while part of Jihoon wanted to push through in one day and just finish it, that didn’t end up happening. It wasn’t a great recording day, and despite Beomju’s coaching, getting a proper take out of anyone felt like pulling teeth for all parties involved. There were plenty of takes that were fine, were maybe even good, but Jihoon’s perfectionist streak couldn’t let “good enough” go, and asked the members to run their lines again. When even Chan—a shining star behind the microphone that only really had two lines in the song—took thirty minutes longer than expected, Jihoon made the executive decision to just finish the recording for whoever was going next, then put the rest of it off until tomorrow. 

“I’m going to run to the bathroom,” Beomju said, clapping Jihoon on the shoulder as he got to his feet. “I’ll be right back. Want me to get you anything?” 

“From the bathroom?” Jihoon asked back. Beomju gave a short snort of a laugh.

“I meant from the vending machines or the coffee station or something, but if there’s something in the bathroom that you want…” 

“No!” Jihoon made a shooing gesture at him, though he couldn’t help but laugh too, Beomju still giggling as he ducked out. Mingyu entered the booth, giving Jihoon a bright, intentionally goofy smile from behind the glass, Jihoon giving his head a small, amused shake in response. 

“Hi, Minggu.” 

“Hey hyung.” Mingyu went to raise the microphone, just to frown down at the device. He tugged on it a bit. It barely budged. “Who used this before me?” 

“It was Dino,” Jihoon answered, frowning. The mic was down by Mingyu’s chest; he wouldn’t be able to record like that. “What’s wrong?”

“I think it’s stuck.” Mingyu tugged again, and again, it only moved a few centimeters. “Is there—I don’t know, some button or knob that I need to…?”

He trailed off, looking around on the microphone stand in confusion. Confused in turn, Jihoon got up and entered the booth with him. He didn’t know how to fix a stuck microphone stand per se, but he also didn’t want Mingyu to somehow break the thing. Mingyu stepped back, and Jihoon pushed the mic up. It moved easily. 

Giggles burst from Mingyu’s mouth as Jihoon turned towards him. 

“Minggu.” 

“Hyung.” Mingyu was smiling just enough to show the points of his canine teeth, stepping close, looping his arms around Jihoon and locking his hands at the small of Jihoon’s back. He leaned in a bit. “Hi.” 

“You don’t—” Jihoon was trying to be exasperated, something that would be much easier if Mingyu weren’t so damn cute, waving a hand towards the microphone. “You don’t need to pull tricks to get me to kiss you. You can just…” Embarrassment caught up with him then, a small heat rising up in his cheeks. “You can just ask.” 

“Sure.” The word was a hum, Mingyu pulling him in snug, moving one hand and using it instead to cup Jihoon’s cheek, tilting his chin. “This way is more fun, though.” 

Then he started leaning down, so Jihoon pushed up on the balls of his feet to kiss his ridiculous, ridiculous boyfriend on the mouth. Mingyu was smiling into the kiss, the grin breaking into an exhaled sort of giggle when Jihoon pulled back.

"You're an idiot," Jihoon informed him. 

"Yeah?" Mingyu looked absolutely charmed.

"Yeah."

"I can be a fool for you." Mingyu slid a thumb across Jihoon’s cheekbone, and though Jihoon’s immediate reaction was to roll his eyes, he couldn't deny that it was nice to have this after the two week stretch of recording he'd been sitting through, to have Mingyu holding him and saying these unabashedly cheesy things without a shred of sarcasm or irony. "That's fine by me." 

Jihoon was very ready for Mingyu to stop talking and just kiss him again, reaching up to thread a hand in his hair. That helped get the message across, and though Mingyu had to tilt Jihoon’s chin up just a little further, it was more than worth it when their lips met, Mingyu’s all soft and slow as they moved against Jihoon’s. Jihoon felt his shoulders relax, felt his body relax, marveling at how somehow, Mingyu had known that this was what he needed. 

"You know, I don't think that'll help with his lisp."

Incredibly, Jihoon had managed to forget that Beomju was only going to be gone for a few minutes. He felt every single muscle stiffen, his body going hot with embarrassment, not wanting to turn around to see whatever expression it was that was going to be on the man—his mentor, oh god— 's face. But he couldn't hide, because Mingyu was the one hiding, ducking against Jihoon and holding him close like Jihoon had the power to make him disappear, and Jihoon had the sudden, sharp realization that despite being out to all the members, out to even his sister, Mingyu had never come out to Beomju. 

"Hey," he murmured, keeping his voice soft. Jihoon found Mingyu’s hand between them, giving it a squeeze. "Hey, it's okay. It's okay." 

"Just scared me," Mingyu mumbled back. It took a few more deep breaths, but he did lift his head. Jihoon turned too and was met with the sight of Beomju, taking a drink from the coke in his hand, his lips quirked into a grin. “Um. Hi, hyung.” 

“Hey.” Beomju put the can down on the table. “Are you good to start, or are you guys going to need a few minutes? I can step back out.” 

There was still light amusement in his voice, but an undercurrent of care was audible; he was truly checking in on them. Jihoon looked up at Mingyu, Mingyu looking back and giving his hand a squeeze in response. 

“No, I’m good,” he told Beomju, Jihoon squeezing his hand again to bring the total up to three before letting go and leaving the recording booth. Mingyu did the work of adjusting the perfectly working microphone stand, Jihoon doing what he could to ignore the way Beomju’s eyes were traveling between Mingyu and himself, though he knew his body was bright red. It wasn’t until Jihoon was sitting down next to Beomju again that he spoke.

“Okay, I can’t just let this go though,” Beomju said. “How long has this been going on?” 

“Uh…” Mingyu glanced to Jihoon, but Jihoon didn’t know what to say either. “A year and a half, six months, or two weeks, depending on how you look at it.” 

“I…” Beomju looked to Jihoon for clarification but no, that was pretty accurate. “What?” 

“We made it official on March eighteenth,” Jihoon said, and Beomju went open-mouthed in delight. 

“Oh, it’s official?” 

“Shut up,” Jihoon muttered, just as Mingyu began to laugh. Despite the teasing, Jihoon was glad to see him relaxed, to see Beomju labeled as a safe person to talk to and joke with. 

“Yeah,” Mingyu confirmed. “Jihoonie-hyung is in love with me.” 

Jihoon put his face in his hands. 

Recording went fine after that, thankfully. None of Mingyu’s lines were difficult, and—likely due to the earlier embarrassment—he listened well to both Jihoon and Beomju when they gave him feedback. 

“Okay, Minggu.” Jihoon let the pet name fall from his lips because, well… Why not, at this point? “If Bumzu-hyung agrees then that’s it for you, and you can go. You’re done.” 

Mingyu leaned in towards the microphone just to give a little cheer into it, his hands closed into fists as he gave them small, celebratory shakes up by his head. He was looking at Jihoon, failing to notice that Beomju had opened his mouth to speak and talking over him.

“Thanks, hyung. Want me to call the next member in?” 

“No, I told them to go home. I’m done for tonight.” 

That made Mingyu cheer again, cutting Beomju off a second time. "Want me to walk with you? Or is there something else you need to take care of?"

“As I've been trying to say,” Beomju finally interjected, his voice loud, "I agree with Woozi and you can go, Mingyu-yah. Geez.” The man leaned back in his chair. “It’s like you can’t take your eyes off him.” 

“You say that like it’s news,” Mingyu responded, the cliche phrase making Beomju yell and slap Jihoon hard on the back. Encouraged by the reaction, Mingyu gave Jihoon a grin. “I haven’t been able to take my eyes off him for years.”

“Get out!” Jihoon yelled at him, Beomju collapsing against the table in laughter while Mingyu erupted into giggles.

“I’ll wait for you,” he told Jihoon, then slipped the headphones from around his neck and was gone. Jihoon shook his head, letting out a breath, Beomju turning to him when he straightened up.

“So, are you really dating Mingyu?” he asked Jihoon. “All ‘official’, like you said?” 

“Yeah,” Jihoon answered, the word coming out in a bit of a sigh. This wasn’t really how he’d expected the relationship reveal to go, but he hadn’t planned on trying to keep it a secret either, so he couldn’t complain much. All Beomju did was nod. “You don’t seem very surprised.” 

“Well, I walked in when you started kissing, so I had plenty of time to leave the room, wrap my head around it, and plan my entrance before coming back," Beomju explained. "I didn’t even know that Mingyu, you know, swung that way.” 

It was Jihoon’s turn to nod. “He came out to the members last year.” 

“And he wasn’t just joking around? You really love him, then?” 

“Yeah.” It was the truth; Jihoon might as well say it. “Yeah, I do.” 

“Exciting stuff.” Beomju’s expression was kind, gathering up the lyric sheets for Pretty U into his hands. “Congrats, Woozi-yah. Who all do we have left for tomorrow?” 

His eyes were scouring the lines, and as he read them, a sort of understanding disbelief settled across his features. He tapped at the first verse, the tip of his finger between the lines “on one fine day you magically appeared, intoxicating my heart and stealing my eyes” as he looked Jihoon’s way.

“Oh, Jihoon.” 

“Leave me alone,” Jihoon complained, and Beomju began a loud, loud laugh. 

Mingyu had waited for him by the door, Jihoon reaching out for Mingyu’s hand as soon as he saw him. Mingyu was tapping at his phone, finishing up a message and sending it before putting it away, looping his arm around Jihoon’s and entwining their fingers. 

“Most of the members are still up,” he said, Jihoon glancing up at his face in surprise. “Apparently Hoshi-hyung has been having a really hard time with choreography for Pretty U, so they’re watching a movie for inspiration.”

“Oh.” 

The movie, apparently, was called “High School Musical”, the English title said clumsily by Seungkwan, the film recommended by Jisoo. Jihoon and Mingyu arrived halfway through, so while Jihoon didn’t really know what was going on, the singing and dancing was entertaining enough for him to cuddle himself up under Mingyu’s arm on the couch and watch the ending of the movie with Soonyoung, Seungkwan, Jisoo, Hansol, and Wonwoo. 

“So, was that helpful?” Hansol asked once it was over, all of them getting ready for bed. 

“I think so.” Soonyoung both looked and sounded distracted, like he was talking and thinking at the same time. “I’m mostly upset for the blonde girl, though. Like, she practices so hard and has so much passion, right? And the main characters were late for auditions! Besides… What’s weird about singing, dancing, and playing basketball? All of us do that stuff, and it’s not weird.”

“I think it was an allegory,” Wonwoo supplied.

“Allegory?” Soonyoung echoed. “A what? And what for?” 

That started a discussion about the hidden queer themes in High School Musical that Jihoon couldn’t really contribute to—and was really only half listening to, anyway—as he brushed his teeth and pulled on some sleep clothes. Jihoon had been spending the week sleeping on a futon in the living room, an easy way to come home late and leave early without disturbing anyone, but this time Mingyu took him by the hand and led him to a mattress, pulling him down onto soft sheets and nuzzling close. He began pressing soft, silent kisses to Jihoon’s face and neck, and his warm half-naked body and roaming hands started a small spark of heat in Jihoon’s stomach, tamped down only by the fact that they weren’t alone in this bedroom. Seungcheol and Jeonghan were asleep, sure, but they were still there. 

“We need to sleep,” Jihoon reminded him, though he wasn’t able to stop himself from tilting his head back against the pillows, Mingyu noticing the invitation and kissing his neck again. 

“I know,” Mingyu murmured back. He was situating himself now, curling in towards Jihoon, sliding one leg over both of Jihoon’s own. “I’ve just missed you.” 

“I’ve missed you too,” Jihoon confessed. “The album is almost finished, I promise.” 

“I know,” Mingyu said again. “I’m not blaming you, hyung. It’s alright. The album is important. I just don’t want you to work too much.” 

Jihoon gave him a quiet kiss on the mouth and Mingyu was asleep quickly, Jihoon lying in the dark, left wondering to himself about work-life balance. It was something that would probably be very difficult—if not impossible—to do during things like promotions, or concert rehearsals, or the last few weeks leading up to new releases, and with them now being in those last few weeks with promotions ahead, it wasn’t really something he could work on now. But it was something that he wanted to stay cognizant of, something he could do in the interim; to attempt, for maybe the very first time in his life, to manage his time. Maybe this was what being an adult felt like. 

He pretended to call it work-life balance when he stayed in bed a little longer than he normally would, waiting for Jeonghan and Seungcheol to leave the room before rolling on top of Mingyu and kissing him breathless, taking advantage of the way his boyfriend was shirtless, touching his chest and arms until Mingyu was gasping against his lips and squirming under him, panting out his name. 

“Good morning,” he murmured, and Mingyu sighed, his eyes closed, his whole body arching up towards Jihoon as he brought their mouths together. Jihoon’s hands settled to cup Mingyu’s face, the kisses slowing to something languid and deep that Jihoon was able to feel all the way down to his toes as he kissed back, a zip of excitement running through him when one of Mingyu’s thighs pressed up between Jihoon’s legs, Jihoon able to feel Mingyu’s own hard-on against his hip. It was settling on the border of a bit too much, especially with how any of the members could walk in at any moment, but Jihoon didn’t want to have to say so. Thankfully, he didn’t end up needing to; Mingyu broke the kiss, his head falling fully back against the pillows, Jihoon able to fully sit up and off of him. Mingyu looked perfect, his lips pink, his hair sleep-tousled, his eyes soft. 

“Morning,” he responded, Jihoon feeling so struck with affection that a laugh bubbled from his mouth, unable to help it, Mingyu smiling back as he found one of Jihoon’s hands in the sheets, kissing his fingertips. 

Despite the late start they showered separately, because Jihoon’s shower was going to be warm and not entirely focused on getting clean and he had a feeling that Mingyu’s would be the same way. Mingyu caught him on his way out the door, giving him a quick kiss goodbye that had the tips of Jihoon’s ears lighting up, a spring in his step as he got to the studio where Beomju and Junhui were already waiting for him. 

By the end of the day, with a healthy amount of breaks and an unexpected amount of diversions and distractions, Pretty U got entirely recorded. Seungcheol was the last member in the booth, hanging out with Jihoon to listen, nodding along as he did. 

“This is going to be really good,” he said, and Jihoon hoped so. The song itself was good, Jihoon liked it a lot, but he had no idea about the choreography yet, and that was such a huge part of their performance that it really, really mattered. He was a bit too tired to worry about that now, though; it was late, the sun had set, and he’d done his part. He’d composed and recorded the album. The rest of it wasn’t entirely up to him, and something about that was relieving enough to have his shoulders sagging, the exhaustion he’d ignored all week finally letting itself be known in full force. 

“Let’s go home, Woozi-yah.” Seungcheol took his arm, tugging at his wrist. “Let’s try to get some sleep before we’re in the practice room until four in the morning every day.” 

That… that was a fair point, so after saving and sending and closing all of the necessary files, Jihoon got to his feet. Once they were out the door however, Seungcheol grabbed his arm again and pulled, directing him down the street, but not towards the dorm. Jihoon couldn’t help a small, perplexed sound. 

“The cherry blossoms are blooming,” Seungcheol explained. He was going to the nearby university, a building with a large tree in front of it. “You haven’t seen yet, I bet. I want to make sure that you do.” 

Seungcheol was right; with how cooped up he'd been, Jihoon hadn’t seen it yet, and though he knew the way to the university well enough on his own, he let himself be dragged. The tree was there, in full bloom, the pale blossoms looking stark under the streetlights. It was a big tree, and it was beautiful, and Jihoon followed as Seungcheol sat down in the middle of the empty road to look up at it. 

"We saw it earlier," Seungcheol explained. "We were on VLive, talking to the fans. Everyone is really excited for the new album." 

It was nice of Seungcheol to do this, to think of him, and Jihoon let his head tilt to the side, resting it against Seungcheol’s shoulder.

"I hope they like it," he said quietly. Because he did, plain and simple. He hoped that Carats liked it. It was in moments like this, quiet moments of genuinely thinking about their music being released to the world, that Jihoon could most easily think of their fans as individual people; someone, in their bedroom, listening to the melody he'd constructed and the words he'd strung together. All he could do was hope that somehow, in some small way, it could brighten their day. Could have them feeling comforted, if only for just a few minutes, like music so often did for him.

"I'm afraid of the upcoming dance practices," Seungcheol said. "We're going to be up all night to get it all learned in time. The company is firm about putting this album out before the end of April, so we have four weeks at most."

 Jihoon hummed a little. Some of the smaller branches swayed in the breeze. Yeah, that was going to be hell. 

“But…” Seungcheol let out a loose breath, Jihoon just barely able to see the way his cheeks puffed as he exhaled. “Next thing we know, the album will be done, and then the promotions will be done, and we’ll be here again.”

“The next release might take a little more time,” Jihoon said. He didn’t mean the repackage—those songs were ready. Whatever was coming after that, though, was a complete mystery. Jihoon really only had a few unreleased songs left, but instead of being scared at the lack of content to fall back on, he found it strangely exciting instead. There were so many songs that were born from what he was feeling at that moment, could only exist the way that they did because of the person he had been when he’d made them; he was curious about what he would create in the future, what kind of person he would be. 

“Is this what you imagined, when you joined Pledis?” Seungcheol asked him, and Jihoon couldn’t help the laugh that left his mouth. 

“I only went to an audition because I wanted to see if I could sing or not,” he told Seungcheol. “And I only picked Pledis because their poster was the biggest one on the wall at my school. And then.. Well, I was the only person that passed the audition, right? What was I supposed to do after that, not join?"

That made Seungcheol laugh, Jihoon’s head jostling a little at the action.

“You worked so hard though,” he said. On Jihoon’s first day, he’d been so startled by just how awful his dancing was when compared to the other boys that he'd stayed in the practice room until midnight, just to get a step sequence right. “It was like you couldn’t… Like you didn’t know how not to. It was kind of cute, because you were still really bad.” 

“Shut up,” Jihoon mumbled at him. Seungcheol laughed again, but Jihoon couldn’t deny that he was right. It was something Jihoon had struggled with his entire life, something that was so deeply ingrained in him that he hadn’t even thought it made him different until he’d observed other people: he couldn’t handle moderation. Casual just wasn’t… Well, it wasn’t casual for him. It wasn’t simple, or easy. He felt everything so deeply that it left a physical ache which in turn, made physical touch hard; being touched meant something. It always meant something to be talked to, paid attention to, listened to and interacted with. He was too good at being devoted. 

Usually, it was something Jihoon saw as a bad thing. A weakness, all stubbornness, the inability to compromise or change. But, he realized, it had brought him here, too. Just two years ago, he’d been putting the finishing touches on We Gonna Make It Shine, the first song he’d ever truly tried producing, deep in the closet with what he assumed was an unrequited crush on a straight best friend. Now, by staying here pushing, working the hardest he’d ever worked in his life, he was one of the leaders and main producer of an award winning, internationally recognized, Billboard charting K-Pop group, in a committed relationship with a man that he loved. It was unbelievable. 

“Is this what you imagined?” Jihoon asked Seungcheol. A gust of wind kicked up, a smattering of cherry blossom petals set loose and beginning to flutter. “Did you know that you’d be our leader?” 

“Not at first,” Seungcheol confessed. “Once NU’EST debuted and the new trainees kept being younger than me, I started to think it would probably happen. Doyoon and I were supposed to be leaders together, but then when he left, the thought of doing this alone…” He exhaled again, his hands coming together in his lap, glancing down at them as he lined the tips of his fingers up against each other. “I’m really glad that you and Hoshi are here. I’ve had a lot of doubts.” 

"About what?" Jihoon couldn't help a frown. He was often of the opinion that Seungcheol was the best leader they could have asked for. 

"I'm not assertive enough," Seungcheol said. He hadn't even needed to take a moment, or think about his answer. Some of the pink petals had made their way towards them, Jihoon watching three of them land weightlessly in Seungcheol’s lap. "I'm not confident enough. Sometimes I worry about this—this anxiety, I worry that I'll be too afraid to do something I need to do, something to protect you all, and then I realize that I'm scared about being scared and I just…" He rubbed at his face with his hands. "Seventeen Project was the worst."

Jihoon tilted his head to glance at him, Seungcheol seeming to take the look as a sign to continue. 

"I know that everyone took their rings off because I did it first," he said. The moonlight had put a shine on his hair. "Everyone was looking at me. You were looking at me. But the CEO had said that we would debut after this, so I played along. But Jeonghan really did kind of have a breakdown after episode one, and then the longer the show went on without getting the rings back, I kept having this fear… Vice President Yeonsoo had pointed out the rings when he promised that it wouldn't be an elimination show, but with our rings gone, I was terrified every episode that something like that might happen. We might lose someone, because I convinced everyone to take their rings off." 

“That wouldn’t have been your fault,” Jihoon told him. If elimination was something that the producers had secretly been going for, it would have happened regardless. 

"It would have felt like it, though." Seungcheol shifted slightly. "I'm supposed to keep you all together."

"Yeah, but you don't need to…" Unsure of how to truly vocalize it, Jihoon reached out and gripped tight to Seungcheol’s forearm with clenched, grasping fingers. The members didn't need to be held tight, didn't need desperation; they just needed arms around them sometimes. It was lucky that Seungcheol had such big biceps. He let his hand relax. "This isn't all one mistake away from falling apart, you know? We're with you, hyung. We took off our rings for you, and we're going to keep wearing them for you, too." 

After a beat of silence Seungcheol let out another breath and snaked his arm free, wrapping it around Jihoon’s back and giving his body a tight squeeze. Before Jihoon could anticipate it enough to get away, he then turned and kissed the side of Jihoon’s head. 

His small, disgruntled noise had Seungcheol laughing, holding Jihoon tighter, pressing his lips to Jihoon's head again. It turned into a bit of a wrestling match then, and by the time Jihoon had freed himself and gotten to his feet, both of them were laughing so hard that it was difficult to keep their eyes open. 

"Gross," Jihoon mumbled. The side of his face was wet, and he wiped at it. Seungcheol, looking a bit too mischievous for his own good, relaxed back on the palms of his hands and grinned. 

"Sorry," he said. He didn't look sorry at all. "I forgot you're a taken man. Is Mingyu going to get jealous?"

"Probably," Jihoon admitted. Not a lot—despite their relationship, Jihoon knew that as a whole, the group weren't going to stop all of the cuddling, and the handholding, and yes, the occasional kisses—but definitely a little. "Also hey, don't threaten my boyfriend again." 

"I had to!" Seungcheol insisted, reaching up in request for Jihoon to help him to his feet. Jihoon leaned down obligingly, gripping tight to Seungcheol and tugging. "He needs to know that he can't hurt you. But you can't hurt him either." He straightened up, letting Jihoon go and dusting off his jeans. "Don't break his heart, Woozi-yah. He's got… he's got a really big one." 

"Yeah," Jihoon responded. They turned in the direction of the dorm and Jihoon's thoughts were already headed home, to the warm bed that was likely waiting for him, with the warm body in it that would wake up just enough as he cuddled in to give him a clumsy goodnight kiss. "Yeah, I know." 

 

That Tuesday, they had a big meeting with management about the album's release, which was being called Love & Letter. The tracks were listened through for quality, and the music video filming date was announced. It was less than a week away and upon hearing it, they all went a bit pale. 

"That's too soon," Soonyoung said, point blank. The choreography was almost complete and the group had begun learning it, sure, but it wouldn't be good enough to be immortalized in video by the time the filming date came around.

"We're aware of that," Yeonsoo said, nodding as he spoke. "But we can't film it any later than that and still have the editing finished in time. We spoke to the director, and he's crafted a story for the music video that still fits the theme, but won't need any choreography or lipsyncing."

"Oh. Okay." Soonyoung didn't seem thrilled about that either, which Jihoon could understand; it was disappointing that the "performance" aspect of the new song wouldn't be in the video.

"We'll film a performance video. Something choreography focused," Yeonsoo assured him. "A nice one, not a dance practice. We're already looking into a set location for it." 

Soonyoung nodded a bit, and while not looking entirely pleased, it was nice that the consideration had been taken. The CEO took all of them out to dinner once the meeting had been completed, and once they’d all eaten their fill, a cake was brought out and set in front of Mingyu and oh, right; tomorrow was Mingyu’s birthday. Jihoon had completely forgotten about the passage of time, the date catching him off guard, but with the busyness of their upcoming album preparation, he wasn’t quite sure how to make up for it. 

The members and their manager, though, did have something in mind, Mingyu caught by the arm on the way out and asked to rework some of his lyrics. Jihoon almost intervened—he hadn’t heard anything about that, it was something he felt should have been run by him first—but Minghao grabbed him by the arm and shook his head, pressing a finger to his lips. Oh. It was a prank.

Mingyu stayed relatively late at the company building to work, which all of them expected, but the surprise came when Jihoon woke the next morning and Mingyu wasn’t in bed. He wasn’t in bed, and when Jihoon asked around the dorm, none of the other members had heard him leave, causing them to wonder how early Mingyu had gotten up. They hurried to the company building and sure enough, Mingyu was at the table outside Jihoon’s studio, a notebook out, a whole scribbled page in front of him and a frown on his face. 

“Happy birthday, Mingyu-yah!” Jeonghan exclaimed, the group bursting into laughter, Seokmin and Seungkwan both running over to hug him. 

“I don’t know how to fix these,” Mingyu said hopelessly, putting his pen down. He looked exhausted, his eyes on Jihoon, sounding apologetic. Jihoon started a path towards him. “I’ve come up with a couple of things, you’ll have to tell me—” 

“It was a prank!” Seungcheol told him. “Why did you work so hard?”

“What?” The shock on Mingyu’s face was so pure, so complete, that even Jihoon couldn’t help a laugh. 

“Your lyrics are fine,” he told Mingyu, and at that Mingyu whined, shoving his face into Jihoon’s chest when Jihoon was close enough and wrapping arms around him. The group laughed at him, and Jihoon threaded his fingers through Mingyu’s hair, unable to stop himself from pressing a quick kiss to the top of his head. There was a good deal of complaining once Mingyu resurfaced, unable to believe what they’d done to him, the group laughing as they tried to apologize. 

“We didn’t think you’d take it so seriously!” Soonyoung exclaimed in defense.

“Why not?” Mingyu exclaimed back. “The album is serious, hyung! I didn’t want to hold us back!” 

Jihoon wanted to kiss him again, just for that, everyone falling apart in giggles. 

“We said there was a lyrics problem because we thought that you would go to Woozi-yah for, you know, some help,” Jeonghan explained, wriggling his eyebrows suggestively. Mingyu pouted until he’d received an apology from everyone, then got to his feet.

“Now that everybody feels bad for me, I want to ask for a birthday present,” he said. He sounded more serious now, the members all tuning in to listen. “I know—I know our schedule is busy, but can I ask for the whole group to take a three hour break? At lunch time, maybe?” 

“Do you want to go out to eat?” Wonwoo asked. The question had Mingyu shifting his weight from foot to foot. 

“Kind of. I made a tentative restaurant reservation for, um. For two.” Mingyu didn’t turn to look at Jihoon, but the entire rest of the group did. “I want to take my boyfriend on our first date.” 

First date. First date for the two of them, and first date ever, for Jihoon. Some part of Jihoon did feel like again, he was older and it was Mingyu’s birthday and maybe Jihoon should have been the one to orchestrate this, but getting any kind of free time this close to promotions had seemed impossible, so he hadn't even thought to try.

The fact that he’d been so thoroughly pranked did work in Mingyu’s favor, and after a stern talking-to from Soonyoung about only having three hours and not a minute more, his request was granted. They practiced hard until the break was called, then Mingyu got out his cell phone and began dialing a number.

“What’s up?” Jihoon asked. He tried to keep his tone casual; the idea of their proper first date had a fluttering starting up in his stomach. Was he underdressed? What restaurant were they going to? How public was this going to be?

“I’m asking my dad to bring the car,” Mingyu explained, and Jihoon blinked.

“The—the what?” 

Sure enough, in just fifteen minutes Mingyu’s father was there, rolling up in a car that thankfully, looked incredibly normal. He got out—he was tall too, something Jihoon always forgot until he was face to face with the man—tossing Mingyu the keys. Jihoon hurried to the passenger seat as Mingyu thanked his dad and got a hug from him, wanting to let himself in before Mingyu did something like open the door for him, unsure of how couple-like they should act in front of Mingyu’s father. 

“The restaurant is a bit of a distance, and I figured this would be better than public transportation,” Mingyu explained as he got in, putting the car into drive and starting down the street. “Plus, I can impress you with my driving skills. I only got my license a few weeks ago though, so don’t expect too much.” 

“What does he think about, um.” Jihoon jerked his thumb back in the direction of the company building. Mingyu’s dad was no longer there, having already begun walking to the train station. “He doesn’t know, right?” 

“He knows that I’m going out to eat for my birthday, and that I’m driving you to the restaurant,” Mingyu answered. “I… I kept it pretty vague.”

Jihoon nodded in understanding. Mingyu wasn’t out to his parents, and that would probably come first before talking about a first date. Jihoon realized with a jolt, though, that he himself was out; he could tell his parents that he had a boyfriend. He couldn’t say that it was Mingyu, with how frequently the members’ parents all talked to each other, but the fact that a boyfriend existed was news that he could disclose, if he wanted. With how he’d never officially dated, even all through high school, he had no idea how they would react. The small twinge of anxiety in his chest had him wanting to wait, maybe even until Mingyu was ready too. It would feel better, doing something like that together.

“Sorry I didn’t think of this, or help plan anything, or…” Mingyu glancing over at him had Jihoon trailing off. “It’s your birthday, and it’s our first date. I don’t even have a present.”

“Hyung.” Mingyu’s voice went a bit pouty, clearly not liking that Jihoon was apologizing. “I actually had a lot of fun planning all of this, and I've had it planned for a while. It’s only on my birthday because I figured that was a day I could talk the hyungs into giving us some free time, thanks to how busy we are. Plus,” he reached out for Jihoon’s free hand, Jihoon letting him take it. “Doting on you is a present, to me. So just let me do it, okay?”

Jihoon studied Mingyu for a long moment, wanting to make sure he actually meant it, instead of just making excuses to keep Jihoon from feeling guilty. Mingyu looked genuine, even raising his eyebrows. Then he brought Jihoon’s hand to his mouth and kissed his knuckles.

“Fine!” Jihoon exclaimed, and Mingyu began to laugh. “Fine, okay.” 

Mingyu kissed his knuckles again, extending his hand back to rest it on Jihoon’s thigh. He had to let go after just a few minutes to put both hands back on the wheel because he was nervous in the city traffic, promising that the next time he drove Jihoon somewhere, he’d have had more practice and therefore would be way cooler about it.

The restaurant ended up being a good forty-five minutes away, Mingyu branching off towards the countryside as soon as they exited the city. Jihoon had absolutely no idea where on earth they were going, and with how Mingyu hadn’t disclosed anything upfront, wasn’t sure if asking would ruin what was maybe supposed to be a surprise. So he decided not to, and the thought completely left his mind when conversation started up in earnest; they hadn't had decent quality time alone together in a good few weeks, and though they'd seen each other every day, Jihoon had missed just talking to him. Time felt like it flew by, and by the time they'd pulled up to a small and quaint looking restaurant, Jihoon’s cheeks hurt from smiling. Mingyu parked in the back, grabbing Jihoon’s arm to stop him when Jihoon tried to round the building. 

“Mingyu-yah, I think the entrance is on the other side,” Jihoon told him, as Mingyu walked up to what was very clearly the back door and knocked. 

“I know the owner,” Mingyu explained. “They’re going to let us in through here, just in case.” 

Knowing the owner. Bringing the car. Geez. 

A man with close-cropped hair, a sparse mustache, and impressive biceps opened the door just a moment later, his face breaking into a wide smile. 

“Mingyu!” He stepped out, wrapping Mingyu up into a huge hug. “Happy birthday! How old are you now? Twenty? And all famous! I would say I can’t believe it, but I can!”

That made Mingyu laugh as he pulled back. “Thanks, uncle.” Yeah, Mingyu did know this guy. “I know that we’re a little early, but—”

“It’s all ready,” The man replied. “I’ll lead you back.” 

After also greeting Jihoon, Jihoon bowing in return, the man turned back towards the building and the three of them stepped inside, Mingyu reaching behind himself as he did for Jihoon’s hand. 

“There should be enough of the side dishes to keep you from starving, alongside that extra rice you asked for,” the guy was saying. For a Wednesday afternoon, the restaurant was bustling, a busy kitchen and a dining area full of patrons. “If you need anything else, just let me know.”

A door opened to what looked like one of only two private rooms, revealing a table spread with side dishes, a grill for the pile of raw pork belly on a platter and a simmering pot of soup stock surrounded by various spices and uncooked stew ingredients. It looked… It looked incredible. 

“Thank you,” Mingyu said again, Jihoon quick to do the same. The owner of the restaurant told them to eat well, then ducked out, closing the door behind himself. Jihoon turned back to the food, taking it all in.

“Mingyu-yah, this—”

“It might not be as fantastical as I made it out to be a few weeks ago,” Mingyu said quickly, Jihoon realizing he was talking about the silly date he’d described during their first meal together. “But we did travel across hell and high water, and trekked through the countryside—” Mingyu had driven through the city traffic, over a bridge, and through a short rural patch of road, respectively— “and now we have a feast.”

The equivalences made Jihoon laugh out loud, gently turning their clasped hands to entwine their fingers, using his grip to pull Mingyu close. He placed his other hand on the back of Mingyu’s neck, pulling him down a bit, Mingyu leaning in obligingly. Jihoon pushed up on the balls of his feet to kiss him.

“It’s perfect,” he said, and Mingyu smiled at him. “Happy birthday, baby. Let’s eat, yeah?” 

Jihoon discovered immediately why the restaurant was so full. The food was incredible, everything from the pork belly to the plain rice tasting possibly better than he’d ever had it before. He had to tell Mingyu so, who nodded in agreement. He’d clearly eaten at this place before, with the owner seeming to be a family friend and all, giving Jihoon a grin.

“Plus, it tastes even better ‘cause it’s free,” he said around a mouthful of bean sprouts, Jihoon unable not to giggle at him. “Birthday present.” 

Thanks to how good the food was, the romance of the date was pushed a bit to the wayside. They were too busy eating to even talk much, but Jihoon didn’t really mind and more importantly, Mingyu didn’t seem to mind either, just as enthusiastic about piling food on Jihoon’s plate as he was about putting it into his own mouth. After thirty solid minutes Jihoon stopped to breathe, leaning back, putting a hand on his stomach. 

“Minggu. I just realized.” Mingyu looked up from the grill to meet his eyes, a question in them. “We have dance practice after this.” 

“Oh.” Mingyu looked at the empty bowls around them, the previous holders of copious amounts of rice and various side dishes. The horror on his face had Jihoon breaking down into laughter, now clutching at his stomach, feeling his eyes fall closed as the arm he was propping himself up with went weak. “Oh hyung, we’re going to die.” 

They were going to die, were undoubtedly going to die, but Jihoon couldn’t say it hadn’t been worth it. 

They could only be in the restaurant for an hour and a half if they were going to get back to the practice room in time, and once they were done, they got to their feet. Mingyu looped his arms around the small of Jihoon’s waist, leaning in to kiss him. Jihoon let his lips part, deepening the kiss, Mingyu making a slight hum of a sound as he pulled back. 

“You taste good.” 

Jihoon had to lift his hand, landing a gentle hit on Mingyu’s chest with a closed fist.

“Don’t be gross.” 

“You’re the one that just had your tongue in my mouth though, hyung.” 

All Jihoon could really respond with was a grumble, pushing his forehead into Mingyu’s chest, and Mingyu laughed.

"It's a good thing I'm already full, or I might try to eat you," Mingyu continued, the corny words making Jihoon lean back and look at him, Mingyu laughing at Jihoon's deadpan expression before nipping at his bottom lip and fully stepping back. “I’ve got to do something with the car. Wait here a minute.”

“Something?” Jihoon echoed, confused, but all Mingyu did was wave a hand, stepping from the room. The door was left open a crack, and after only a minute the owner stepped in and began collecting up bowls. Jihoon stood there, feeling awkward, unsure if he should help or not.

“How was the food?” he asked, straightening, and suddenly being spoken to had Jihoon flustering up.

“Good! Good. Very good. Thank you.” 

“Glad you enjoyed it,” he said. There was an easygoing sort of smile on his face. “I told Mingyu that since this was such a special meal, he could use the kitchen if he wanted to prepare it himself, but he said he didn’t have time. Makes sense, with how busy he must be, but it is a shame. That kid’s a good cook. Has a lot of sense, when it comes to food.” 

“He does,” Jihoon agreed, nodding. One Fine Day Castaway had more than proven Mingyu’s cooking abilities, despite his many denials of experience. He wondered what “special meal” meant, if it had any further implications than simply Mingyu’s birthday meal, but wasn’t sure if he should ask. 

“Do you like cooking?” the man asked him, and while his chattiness wasn’t unkind in any way, Jihoon hadn't expected awkward small talk with Mingyu's family to happen quite this soon, and wasn't sure what to say. 

“I’m not any good,” he admitted. “I can make ramyeon, but—”

“Hyung!” Mingyu was back. There was a giggle in his voice, a recognizable embarrassed tinge to it, reaching his hand out for Jihoon. Jihoon was more than happy to take it. The restaurant owner dropped the question he’d asked, simply opening the door for them with his free hand, and Jihoon let Mingyu lead him towards the door.

“Is the car… ready?” he asked back, still unsure of what was even happening, and Mingyu nodded.

“It’s really stupid, but I had to,” Mingyu said, which didn’t really clear anything up. “Just—actually, could you close your eyes?” 

“I… what?”

“Please?” 

Jihoon did, Mingyu guiding him from the building. They came to a stop and Mingyu took a step behind Jihoon, his forearms propped on Jihoon’s shoulders as he covered Jihoon’s eyes with his hands.

“This is really dumb,” Mingyu prefaced again. “And… And it looks silly, and I’ll have to take it off before we actually leave, but, well… I did promise you a dragon, hyung.” 

Then he moved his hands away, and Jihoon saw the car. 

The vehicle had huge pieces of green paper taped to it, the paper stuck together and cut to look like wings, a snout, and a tail. There were even green triangles across the hood of the car to look like spines, white teeth, and an orange, red, and yellow mass of paper placed in front of the car like a puff of fire. 

“When—when did…?”

“You’ve been spending a lot of time in the studio,” Mingyu said. He was smiling, the expression still a little nervous, as though he was unsure if Jihoon liked it. “It gave me the opportunity to get, you know, crafty.” 

It was dumb. It did look silly. If our first date doesn't actually end with us flying away on a dragon, I'm going to be disappointed. Jihoon loved Mingyu so much he felt ready to explode. 

“That—this—you—gyu—” Jihoon couldn’t even speak properly, grabbing Mingyu tight by the hand. He was acutely aware that they were outside right now, and couldn’t pull Mingyu into the car for this—the many relationship exposés done by Dispatch flashed through his mind, the celebrities always caught in their cars—but he was going to die if he didn’t kiss Mingyu soon so he tugged him back into the restaurant, back into their private room.

“Forgot something,” he told the confused owner, the words more of a rushed breath than anything polite, then he pushed the door closed and backed Mingyu against it. 

“You are ridiculous,” he said, pulling Mingyu close by his t-shirt, and Mingyu began to laugh. “You are so dumb, and I love you, and you—you are—” 

Jihoon couldn’t even finish the sentence, too overwhelmed to properly speak, Mingyu’s laughter going smothered as Jihoon kissed him. Mingyu was able to pull himself together quickly and kissed Jihoon back, wrapping his arms around him and leaning down enough for Jihoon to get off the balls of his feet and back onto his heels. Jihoon kissed Mingyu until he couldn’t breathe, until the fierce affection inside of himself had subsided a fraction, breaking the kiss to lean his forehead against Mingyu’s. Mingyu’s fingers had curled in his shirt, loosening before completely relaxing, a smile making its way onto his face.

“So.” His voice was soft and a little breathless, pecking another kiss against Jihoon’s lips. “Did you like it?”

“It’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever seen in my life,” Jihoon answered, Mingyu’s responding bark of laughter loud. “I love it so much.” 

Mingyu kissed him again, slower this time, thorough and sweet.

“You love me too. You said it. I heard it.” His voice was a hum. “Still makes my heart race, by the way.” 

All Jihoon could do was laugh a little, shaking his head, pushing close to nuzzle his face into Mingyu’s neck and trail kisses across his skin. Mingyu brought their lips back together with a gentle finger under Jihoon’s chin, his body going more relaxed and pliant the longer Jihoon kissed him. Jihoon curled his fingers in Mingyu’s hair, using the hold he had to tilt Mingyu’s head, and something about the action had a breathy moan of a sound leaving Mingyu’s lips. The reaction was dizzying, Jihoon feeling a bit hesitant but curious enough to pull just a little bit more, to give the hair an actual genuine tug, the kiss breaking with a gasp from Mingyu, his knees seeming to fail him for a split second as they bent slightly. 

“Hyung.” The word was a murmur, wanton and high, Mingyu’s fingers twisting in Jihoon’s t-shirt, pressing his hips against Jihoon’s abdomen, nosing at the side of Jihoon’s face. 

“Mingyu—” Jihoon started back, interrupted almost immediately by a sharp rap of knuckles on the  closed door, rather close to Mingyu’s head. 

“Everything okay in there?” The owner asked, his voice muffled through the wood. “Find what you’d left behind?” 

“Shit,” Jihoon murmured. He’d completely forgotten about his lie—had, in truth, completely forgotten everything that wasn’t Mingyu—taking a step back. Mingyu, looking almost hilariously dazed, had to give his head a small shake. He seemed to consider his group ring for a moment before shaking his head again, the action a definitive one this time, unbuckling his watch instead and sliding it from his wrist.

“How do I look?” he asked Jihoon.

“Uh,” was all Jihoon could think to say back, because in truth Mingyu looked a bit kiss-stupid, his hair messy and his lips incriminatingly pink. He reached up to smooth down Mingyu’s hair, but there wasn’t much else that could be fixed. “There.” 

Mingyu let out a small breath before turning and opening the door.

“Forgot my watch,” he explained, opening his hand to present the item, resting on his palm. “I kept getting broth on it so I took it off, but then it fell on the floor…”

The owner’s expression suggested that he didn’t really believe that much at all, and when his eyes flicked to Jihoon, Jihoon sidestepped to hide himself behind Mingyu’s body. He was sure he didn’t look much better than Mingyu did, the moan from earlier ringing in his ears, his entire body hot with the indisputable knowledge that Mingyu… Mingyu liked it when his hair was pulled.  

“Right,” the man finally said. His voice was slow, one eyebrow quirked, and Jihoon felt about ready to die.

“We need to be getting back,” he reminded Mingyu quietly, giving him a small poke in the back.

“We need to be getting back,” Mingyu parroted awkwardly, stuffing his watch into his pocket, using his now-free hand to reach back and take Jihoon’s. Jihoon let him do it, willing enough to have Mingyu control the interaction to his own comfort level. “Thank you so much uncle, really. It was a great meal.”

“Of course, Mingyu-yah.” He gave Mingyu two hearty claps on the shoulder. On the second one his hand paused and he gave the muscle a light squeeze instead, his expression relaxing from the confusion of before into something that was inarguably gentler. He glanced at Jihoon again, not missing their entwined hands. “Happy birthday.” 

They made their way back to the car and Jihoon helped Mingyu dismantle the dragon, putting all of the paper into the trunk. Then they got into the car themselves and started back to the Pledis building, the inside of the cabin quiet for a few minutes. 

“So… he knows now,” Mingyu said. The words were an exhale.

“I think so,” Jihoon responded, and then, thankfully, Mingyu began to laugh. His head fell back a bit, both hands on the steering wheel, breath leaving his lungs in one big sigh, and Jihoon couldn’t help but laugh a little as well. 

“Sorry if that surprised you,” Mingyu said, and for a moment Jihoon wasn’t sure what he was referring to. “It surprised me too, honestly. I, um…” He’d gone a bit sheepish, scratching at the back of his head, and oh. “I didn’t know it would feel good.” 

“It’s alright,” Jihoon managed out, needing to take a second. There was some lingering embarrassment, sure, but Jihoon couldn't deny the streak of pride that hearing that put through him, the self-assuring feeling of not only doing something right, something well, but also that Mingyu was comfortable enough to be honest with him. He figured he should be honest back. “I want—you know. I want to make you feel good.” 

Mingyu reached over for Jihoon’s hand again, managing to hold it for a solid twenty minutes this time, Jihoon letting himself be the cheesy one and kissing Mingyu’s knuckles.

 

On the day the first teaser photo was posted for Love & Letter, they began filming the Pretty U music video. They were told that they were to act like carefree youths, with a handful of scenarios put together for them by the director, split up into various small groups to do different things. The first scene Jihoon was set to film was a food fight in a diner, half of the group together on set, listening and nodding along as the director talked to them. 

"It would be best to only shoot this once, so I want to plan everything so the cameras know where to focus," he said. "Who wants to instigate the fight?"

There was a quiet moment as the members looked at each other, then Mingyu fidgeted.

"I will," he volunteered, a mischievous little smile on his face as he spoke. He pointed at Jihoon. "I'll bother Woozi-hyung." 

A handful of the members laughed, Jihoon biting on the inside of his cheek to keep from smiling as well. 

And Mingyu certainly did bother him. He led the way into the diner when directed, coming right up to Jihoon and pushing the hamburger that Jihoon was holding into his face. Jihoon responded by tossing a handful of fries at Mingyu, then the director shouted at them to start, and condiments went flying. They stopped when they were told to and ran out giggling, Jihoon looking around at all of them to see the mess they'd made. 

"Ugh." Seungkwan was looking around at them too, sporting a bright red line of ketchup down the side of his face. He pointed to the mustard that was in Mingyu’s hair, his nose wrinkling up. "This is the grossest thing that's ever happened to me." 

Hansol had a wide grin on his face. "I'll lick it off if you want it to get even grosser," he offered.

"Chwe!" Seungkwan’s shriek was completely scandalized, shoving at Hansol’s chest, and Hansol lurched away, laughing.

The music video shoot took a total of three days, and every part of it was fun. They got to run around town, play in a bowling alley, and even had a big party in a warehouse, the atmosphere only a little crowded with the amount of extras that had come in. The last day of music video filming marked two weeks before the comeback, and choreography practice kicked into high gear. 

Thankfully, the dance for Pretty U wasn’t too difficult on a technical level. It was, however, very theatrical and complicated, which was a lot to remember. They even had props, with a book that changed hands enough for it to be hard to keep track of, as well as an entire couch. Convincing the company to get them the couch had, according to Soonyoung, been a rather hard sell, so they were using the piece of furniture to the fullest: it was being sat on, hidden behind, laid on, stood on top of, walked across, and even pushed apart during the bridge so they could use the whole stage during the final chorus. Jihoon was on pushing duty for one half of the couch alongside Hansol, but he had to admit that the couch was worth having when a part of choreography he wasn’t in was being worked on; it was nice, really nice, to have a comfy place to sit. 

They were working on a sequence with Seokmin, Jisoo, and Soonyoung where they were popping up from behind the couch, trying to get the timing and location of everything right, with Jihoon, Wonwoo, Mingyu, and Hansol all sitting across the seats of the couch in a line. They’d stopped in a moment where the four of them had a leg slung over the lap of the person next to them and Jihoon had simply left his leg on Wonwoo, feeling too lazy to move it, Wonwoo too unbothered to make him. 

At least, unbothered until Mingyu reached over, nonchalant as anything, and put his hand on Jihoon’s knee. Jihoon felt a warm flush start up his neck, painfully visible to everyone in the mirror, while Wonwoo looked slowly down at the hand, then up at Mingyu’s face.

“Dude.” 

The choreography for their coupling song Chuck was inarguably more difficult, all of the moves quick and hard-hitting, easily exhausting, and even having the potential to get a little painful after a couple of hours. They took frequent breaks during practices for Chuck, sweat-soaked and lying around on the floor. But things were coming together, excitement for the comeback building in Jihoon’s stomach with each passing day. 

On the twenty-first of March, MCountdown announced their comeback, followed by Music Bank and Music Core on the twenty-second and twenty-third. Then it was time for their Love & Letter comeback showcase. 

“Okay.” Seungcheol had rounded all of them together backstage, Jihoon looking towards him from his place in the huddle between Chan and Minghao. They were all dressed and ready for their performance, hair and makeup done, in pastel-colored clothes. "Our first full album. I'm really proud of what we've created, and of all of the new things we have to show the fans, and I'm sure they're going to love it. It's really amazing how we keep making such good things, right? It's like we have the best team in the world or something."

The words made Jihoon roll his eyes, but in looking at their clasped circle of hands, knew that what Seungcheol was saying was true. Not a joke, or even an exaggeration; to Jihoon, it was something that felt so right that it wasn't even subjective. He was surrounded by the best people in the entire world. They'd all come together by chance, but were still here by choice, that choice glinting in silver on all of their pinky fingers. They were wearing their new rings now, personalized to them with a "SVT" and their signature triangle symbol carved into the outside. Jihoon’s had one star engraved on the inside of it next to his name, as did Soonyoung’s. Seungcheol’s had two. 

"We worked really hard to make this album happen, so let's go out and show everything that we have. Stay focused," Those words were serious, getting a handful of nods—thanks to the short amount of time for preparation, mistakes were a liability that felt possible— "but have fun. Ready?" 

After a "one, two, three, fighting!" they got fully prepped to go on stage. A handful of the members checked in with Jihoon, Jihoon giving back smiles in response. He was nervous, sure, but he also felt good. Pretty U was good, something that had been told to him by people that he trusted; something that he believed in himself, regardless of what others told him. It was a good song, on a good album. He was a good writer, and a good producer. Not incredible, and certainly not the "genius" that some of the other members liked to claim him to be, but good enough to have wholehearted pride in the things he created. He had enough confidence, now, to acknowledge that. He just hoped that the rest of the world agreed as much as his members did. 

The performance felt a little messy, but more in a fun carefree sort of way than a hectic disorganized sort of way, so Jihoon hoped that it matched their concept and choreography enough to keep it from too much criticism. It was nothing a little more practice couldn't fix, Jihoon not too worried about it until… until Jisoo messed up. 

It wasn’t just a silly mistake, something small or in the back that only Soonyoung would notice in the moment and fans wouldn’t comment on until weeks later. Jisoo was front and center, at the top of the entire formation and in the middle of the stage, and did the signature moves to the chorus a whole two beats early. Everyone saw it, but thankfully Jisoo simply continued on, falling back into the timing with the rest of the group at the start of the next eight count. When he turned around in the choreography he was facing Jihoon, his smile not quite able to hide the slight panic in his eyes. 

Everything wrapped up well, pushing through Seungkwan’s four-tier high note and landing at their in-sync ending move, the stage going dark. They hurried off, and as soon as they were out of sight Jisoo had his hands covering his face.

“Shua-hyung!” Seokmin was the first person to exclaim Jisoo’s name while Seungcheol and Jeonghan both pounced on him, rattling his shoulders and ruffling his hair. “Shua-hyung, we practiced that part so much!” 

“I know!” Jisoo whined from behind his fingers as the rest of the group crowded around him, pestering, poking at him, a few beginning to laugh. His face was bright red. "I don't—I've never messed that up before, I don't know how…"

His words trailed off into a groan, and the group laughed again, Jihoon reaching into the fray to do what he could to rub Jisoo’s back. Jisoo was still pink when he finally lifted his head.

"I'm so sorry," he said, and while the phrase was for all of them, it was directed at Soonyoung. 

"I really liked it actually," Soonyoung said. "It gave everything a sort of ripple motion, you know? Plus, this is our first time doing this choreography, and you acted confident and recovered well. I don't think that anybody noticed, hyung."

"Hyelim-noona noticed," Chan interjected. "I saw her start laughing." 

Jisoo groaned again.

The reception at the showcase was almost overwhelmingly positive, the gratefulness ringing so bright in Jihoon's bones that he had a difficult time speaking. Maybe it was from it being their first full album, but something about this release felt big, bigger than Boys Be had, and he could already tell that he wouldn't be able to sleep tonight. A majority of the members shared that sentiment and management indulged them, letting them turn on VLive twenty minutes to midnight so they could talk to fans while the album dropped. 

The VLive was a bit of a chaotic mess, none of them really sure how to pass the time, too excited and too easily distracted to focus on properly talking to fans. They were at work, piled on and around their Pretty U couch, Seungcheol starting a countdown when there were only a few seconds left. Then it hit midnight, and Seventeen’s first ever album was out. 

Seungcheol started playing Pretty U from his phone and, hilariously, fans began asking them to end the live stream so they could be free to start streaming the album. The phone was passed around the room, each of them saying an individual goodbye, and then the room was quiet for a moment, Pretty U ending and the opening notes of Still Lonely starting up. 

"I think this one is my favorite song," Hansol piped up from his seat on the floor. He was resting his body weight against Chan’s chest, with Junhui tucked under his arm. Chan, in turn, was leaning back onto Jihoon’s legs, Jihoon looking down at the three of them from his seat on the couch, all squished up between Seungkwan and Seungcheol, with Wonwoo sitting behind him, all the way up on the back of the couch, his legs bracketing Jihoon in on both sides. He felt incredibly surrounded, cocooned in warm affection and love, and despite how goofy it felt, couldn't get the smile he knew he was wearing off of his face. 

"What?" Seokmin asked, sounding shocked, his head whipping Hansol’s way. "But Love Letter is so good! And so cute! And you have the killing part during the bridge!" 

The group laughed at his insistence, an argument starting up about favorite tracks that continued as they walked home, ate a midnight snack, got washed up, and changed into sleep clothes. The album was still streaming on repeat from Seungcheol’s phone and nobody got in bed, sitting around in the living room instead to listen to the songs, occasionally singing along. Jihoon didn’t want to sleep but he did want to get cozy and lie down, putting on a thin, overlarge t-shirt and a pair of old, wash-soft sweatpants that Minghao had cut into shorts in the peak of summer the year previously, pulling out a futon and propping his upper body up on a stack of pillows. Mingyu walked in and Jihoon immediately wanted him, making grabby hands in his direction when their eyes met. It had a smile breaking out across Mingyu’s face, his head tilting back a bit as he started over. 

His cheeks were pink from how he’d likely just washed his face, his hair pushed back and away, and as he sat down next to where Jihoon was lying, Jihoon felt an unexpected sort of pang in his chest. He had been originally content with Mingyu simply being close, perhaps lying down next to him, but now Jihoon wanted Mingyu closer, shifting to take Mingyu’s arm and tugging on him. The room was full of members, Mingyu clearly trying to be considerate of Jihoon’s dislike of PDA, but Jihoon wanted snuggles too much to care about that right now. 

“Hyung?” 

“C’mere,” Jihoon insisted, and when Mingyu’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion, said so quietly that he barely more than mouthed the word, “cuddle?” 

Mingyu melted, embarrassingly but truly, his face shifting into a dopey smile, his limbs pliant enough to let Jihoon position him, and ended up resting against Jihoon’s chest, Jihoon’s legs spread to fit Mingyu between them, his arms circling Jihoon’s torso in the crevice of space created by the pillows under Jihoon’s shoulder blades. Mingyu hummed in contentment at the closeness, the sound a ticklish vibration against Jihoon’s stomach and turning into a laugh when Jihoon squirmed.

A small, alert part of Jihoon’s brain was sharp and primed for teasing from the other members at the affection he was displaying, but it didn’t come. Many of them didn’t even spare them a second glance, and after about ten minutes, Jihoon was able to relax enough to let himself reach down and play with Mingyu’s hair, his other hand holding his phone in front of his face to stalk through online forums and browse fan responses about the album. He read out the particularly funny ones, conversation carrying on around him as the album played. It was fun, but by the time the streaming circled around back to Love Letter, the atmosphere in the living room had slowed to something more sleepy and quiet. 

Mingyu had checked out of the conversation a few songs ago, and was now just singing softly. 

“I will hold you tightly, and never let go." His arms encircled Jihoon a little tighter, pressing a kiss to his chest over his shirt before glancing up at him. "I will always be by your side. Wow… I'm so lucky to have such a romantic boyfriend.”

"Shut up," Jihoon mumbled, already embarrassed. Unfortunately for them both, the other members had heard Mingyu; everyone began booing, Seokmin complaining about Mingyu being cheesy, Wonwoo throwing a pillow in their direction. Mingyu yelped and ducked, Jihoon able to bat the pillow out of the air before it made contact. 

"You all are just jealous!" Mingyu accused, his voice muffled from his place of protection against Jihoon’s chest, while a handful of them laughed.

"I am a bit jealous of you stealing everyone else's Jihoonie cuddle time," Soonyoung admitted. Jihoon lifted his head to look at him. 

"You never had any Jihoonie cuddle time to steal," he countered, the laughter dialing itself up as Soonyoung fell off the couch and onto the floor in a dramatic display of despair.

Once Love Letter ended Seungcheol turned the music off, getting to his feet with a groan. It was incredibly late with a long day ahead of them, and in a move that was casual enough to seem coincidental but Jihoon knew likely wasn't, all of the others said goodnight and shepherded themselves into the bedrooms, leaving Mingyu and Jihoon in the living room alone. Mingyu snuggled in comfortably again, Jihoon putting his phone down so both of his hands could bury themselves in Mingyu’s hair, brushing through the strands with his fingers and scratching lightly at his scalp. 

"You like this," he observed, and Mingyu made a small noise of agreement.

"Yeah." His voice was soft. "Feels good. Soothing."

"What about…" Jihoon trailed off before deciding to demonstrate instead, giving some of Mingyu’s hair a small, punctuated tug. Mingyu made a noise in response that had Jihoon thinking that he probably should have warned him, actually. "Sorry."

"No, it's okay." Mingyu sounded more awake, curious and almost hilariously scientific. "I just didn't expect it. Do it again."

Jihoon did it again. 

"It was a little exciting, but probably just because I was thinking about last time. It mostly just felt normal." He tilted his head to look up at Jihoon. "I probably need to be turned on first." 

Jihoon nodded in understanding. He was thinking about it too, the gasp, the moan, the way Mingyu’s knees had immediately gone weak. He wondered if he had something like that too, a sort of instant, pleasurable trigger, how it would feel to feel that good. Something that felt better, while he was being kissed. The thought was kind of exciting.

"Want to?" he asked Mingyu. A smile quirked Mingyu’s lips.

"Want to what, hyung?" Mingyu asked back. Jihoon had been thinking about making out, but realized that without the context, his question didn't make much sense. "Be turned on?" 

"No," Jihoon muttered, though that wasn't entirely wrong. 

"Then what, baby?" Mingyu’s grin was glittery in his amusement, getting up off of Jihoon and moving in, so they could be closer. "Are you asking me if I want to kiss you? Want to ask me if the sky is blue, too?"

"It isn't always blue." Jihoon felt petulant in the face of Mingyu’s teasing. "It can be gray, or orange, and it's black right now, so—"

Mingyu cut him off with a kiss. It was short and close-mouthed, just enough to shut him up. Mingyu was beaming down at him, waiting.

“Don’t push it,” Jihoon protested quietly. His warm cheeks told him that his face was pink. “I already asked for…" 

He was unwilling to say "cuddle" again, the already-there embarrassment making the easier things hard, and Mingyu’s expression softened a bit.

"Okay, you did," he admitted, the teasing gone from his face and his voice, and he leaned down to give Jihoon a proper kiss. It was a genuine kiss, the playfulness having given way fully to affection, and Jihoon kissed back, lifting to rest his hands on the sides of Mingyu’s neck. Jihoon usually focused on simply feeling good or let himself be a bit selfish when they kissed, but this time he tried to focus on what Mingyu might want, tilting his chin up himself, parting his lips, letting his exhale catch into an audible, breathy sort of sigh. 

"You feel good," he told Mingyu. It was something he'd told Mingyu before, saying it now because Mingyu had liked hearing it before, but also because it was true; Mingyu made his body feel good. It had Mingyu making a small, wanting sound in the back of his throat, the noise sending a thrill down Jihoon's spine. It felt so good, making Mingyu feel good, knowing that he was doing something that Mingyu liked. He let his hands roam, sliding down Mingyu’s biceps and scratching at his shoulder blades. Mingyu was warm, firm, Jihoon feeling very suddenly that he was too far away. He shifted under Mingyu, moving himself more solidly under him and pulling him closer. 

As Jihoon thought he might be, Mingyu was already half hard. Recently, most of their makeout sessions had gotten to this point pretty quickly, but between exhaustion from vigorous dance practices and anxiety of not having any space alone, hadn't gone any further. This time, Jihoon let one hand curl up in Mingyu’s hair. 

"Hyung—" 

The word was a quiet, choked groan as their bodies brushed, but it lit Jihoon up. Something about it—all of the implications that the term carried, to hear Mingyu say it, and say it like that— made all of the blood rushing through his veins burn. 

Mingyu was pulling back, and Jihoon was so desperate for him not to that a whine left his mouth, Jihoon marking it down immediately as the most embarrassing sound he'd ever made. 

"We just…" Mingyu actually looked a bit pained. "We really do need to get to sleep soon, and the further we go, the longer it'll take to calm down when we stop."

That was true. Jihoon wanted Mingyu's body back on top of him right now. 

"We could just not stop," he said, and Mingyu went completely still. 

"I… hyung?"

"Like—" Jihoon knew he wanted to keep his clothes on, that he wasn't ready to be fully naked. He wasn't ready to be touched like that, but he put his hands on the sides of Mingyu’s neck again, letting one of his thighs fall to the side, to let Mingyu see how their bodies could slot together. "This. If…" The surprise still on Mingyu’s face, the flush steadily traveling up Mingyu’s neck, had Jihoon feeling suddenly self-conscious. "If you want." 

"I do," Mingyu said, sounding that while slightly astounded, he meant it, one hand coming to rest on Jihoon’s knee. His palm was so warm that it made Jihoon shiver. Mingyu saw the reaction, and instead of moving away, let his hand slide down so it was just barely inside Jihoon’s shorts, his fingers curling to grip Jihoon’s thigh. Something fluttered, low and good, in Jihoon’s stomach. "I just—I need you to be sure. And I need you to tell me that you're sure." 

Jihoon figured that he probably should have expected that, that moving forwards might cause some worry from Mingyu on Jihoon’s behalf when it came to consent. But Jihoon did want this, wanted it wholeheartedly, nodding. His hair shifted against the pillows.

"I'm sure," he told Mingyu. "The sky is blue." 

Mingyu surged in close, and kissed him. Jihoon kissed him back, holding on, pulling Mingyu down. 

 

Jihoon woke the next morning with Mingyu almost entirely on top of him. He was unbelievably warm, and while they’d both wiped down with washcloths and changed clothes before getting in bed, the heat had Jihoon’s entire body feeling tacky with sweat. He wanted to shower, beginning to shift in an attempt to free himself. 

Mingyu started to stir, his face scrunching up, gripping at Jihoon’s clothes when Jihoon managed to sit up. He was cute, Jihoon leaning down and pressing a quick kiss to his sleep-lax mouth. 

“I’m going to take a shower,” he murmured. “Do you want to take one too?” 

Mingyu made a mumbly noise that was, in truth, completely incomprehensible, so Jihoon decided not to wait for him and got all the way to his feet, padding off to the bathroom. 

The first thing he noticed in the mirror was a mark on his neck. It wasn’t a hickey, but instead a light red scrape, starting under his ear and going down the side, angled slightly towards his adam’s apple. It wasn’t very long or deep, not having broken the skin and looking more like a scratch from a fingernail. Tracing the line with a fingertip had Jihoon remembering that it had actually been an accident from one of Mingyu's teeth, a whine muffled into an openmouthed exhale against Jihoon's neck as Jihoon used a hand on the small of Mingyu's back to guide him closer, murmuring a low encouragement in his ear. Undressing revealed small, fingerprint bruises on his thigh from where Mingyu had been holding him, his grip almost desperately tight, a thrill rushing through the pit of Jihoon’s stomach as he looked at them. 

He liked having physical reminders of the night before, something he insisted on when Mingyu entered the bathroom to join him roughly five minutes later and saw them too, beginning to apologize.

“Plus, it’s… um.” Jihoon ran a finger over one of the bruises; Mingyu hadn't hurt him in the moment, and they weren't deep or sensitive enough to hurt now, either. “It’s kind of sexy.”

Despite the bedroom doors being closed and the two of them making a conscious effort to stay quiet, Jihoon was realizing in the fresh light of day that it had been risky to get hot and heavy in the living room. Thankfully though, none of the members seemed to have heard them. No comments were made or looks exchanged, Jihoon relaxing into the idea that the members bad at subtlety truly didn't know, and the ones good at it were either also clueless or keeping it to themselves as they started their schedules for the day. 

Amy had posted support for Pretty U on her Instagram, Jihoon sending her an enthusiastic message of thanks when he saw it. The music video, surprisingly, already had a whole one million views on it, Seventeen spending the day filming that choreography video that Yeonsoo had promised them before having a VLive to thank fans for the support. 

The next day was their first music show appearance, performing on Show Champion. The performance was fun and the fans were loud, though moving the couch did prove to be a hassle that Jihoon wasn’t looking forward to for the rest of promotions. It did seem like an effort that was paying off, though; they were being praised for the choreography’s creativity, and how it enhanced the fun and the feeling of the song. Creative choreography had been a talking point about them before, with the changes they’d made during Adore U’s promotions and all of the playing around they had in Mansae; having the same praise three releases in a row turned it into something consistent, which Jihoon really liked. Consistently good performances was one of the main things Seventeen wanted to be known for, and now it was happening. 

MCountdown was the day after that, excitement for each and every performance mounting as Pretty U got more and more popular. How well it was doing was unprecedented for them and surprisingly, wasn't showing signs of slowing down. 

Unlike releases in the past, they had their first Love & Letter fansign less than a week after the album was released. They were in Hapjeong, in completely white outfits, Jihoon at a table between Jeonghan and Seungkwan. It was nice to talk to fans again, and speaking with them truly had Jihoon realizing how busy the past few months had been, because each one seemed to have a different thing they talked about: how much they enjoyed being called "Carats", how exciting the concerts had been, how fun One Fine Day was to watch, and how proud they were that Seventeen had a new, full-length album. 

All of these things, combined with everything that had happened in Jihoon's personal life, left him feeling floored. But there was something self-assuring about having done all of that, and to have come out the other side like this, as the person he was now. Because while the fans still requested aegyo out of him when they all lined up together as a group, and it was still embarrassing in the moment, Jihoon had Mingyu standing next to him, cooing a bit and poking at his pink ears, telling him that he truly was cute, and that he'd done well. That it was fine, and… it was. Jihoon felt more free, and he felt happy, and in a sudden, wild moment as the fansign ended, he was struck with a realization that had him rooted to the spot. 

He had everything that he'd wanted. Seventeen had debuted, and were doing well, with a momentum behind them that was promising. Songs that he'd written were being performed on music shows and appearing on accredited charts and playing on the radio. He had a whole group of brothers, people that loved him unconditionally and he loved in return. He was more comfortable in his skin than he'd ever been in his entire life. He had Mingyu holding his hand on the way out of the fansign building, giving it a quick squeeze before they parted ways for separate vehicles to go home. In Jihoon’s absolute wildest dreams, he'd always only allowed himself one of these things—maybe two, if he was really lucky. But not all this. Never all of this. 

He was reminded of how much happier and relaxed and open Jeonghan had become after coming out to the entire group, and while it had surprised him at the time, he understood it now. He was at an ease that he hadn't been able to picture, to imagine, because he hadn't even known it had existed. 

"Woozi-yah?" Soonyoung’s voice was soft in curiosity, bringing Jihoon from his thoughts. "Are you alright? You haven't blinked in like five minutes."

"Oh, sorry." Jihoon gave his head a small shake, rubbing at his eyes, and from the car seat in front of them, Junhui laughed. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just thinking."

"About what?" Soonyoung’s gaze was gentle, and when Jihoon didn’t answer, he leaned in a bit with a slight frown. “You can tell me. I want… You can tell me stuff, okay?” 

Something about the look on his face made Jihoon frown too. 

“I know,” he assured Soonyoung. That didn’t alleviate the expression; instead, Soonyoung looked away. 

“Then—why didn’t you tell me?”

Jihoon blinked. “Tell you what?” 

“You didn’t come out to me.” The words left Soonyoung’s mouth in a rush. “Not until—not until you came out to everyone else too. Maybe I was too focused on work and the other members and stuff, maybe I should have noticed it, I’m sorry that I didn’t, but I’m—” He cut himself off with a swallow, his eyes on his hands now. “I’m happy for you, and it was up to you to tell me whenever you wanted to of course—of course!—but I just… Coups-hyung said that you’d known you were gay for a long time, and Jeonghan-hyung said something that made it seem like you were sad or—or upset, and… You looked so scared when you came out. Scared of me.” 

Soonyoung’s lips were pursed in a pinched, upset sort of way, and Jihoon felt his own frown deepen.

“Hoshi-yah?”

“Please don’t be mad,” Soonyoung said quickly. “I just—I don’t like thinking that you were sad, and didn’t want me to help you. I wish I could have helped you.” 

After a quiet moment, Jihoon reached out and placed his hand on Soonyoung’s, in Soonyoung’s line of vision. It rested there for a moment before Soonyoung tucked his pointer finger around Jihoon’s, and Jihoon let out a breath.

“I didn’t tell you because… because I didn’t want you to see something that I didn’t like,” he confessed. “It felt like something that damaged me, right? And I didn’t want that to spread. I didn’t want it to damage something that I couldn’t afford to lose, which… is you. You, you know, being my friend. That was a hard feeling to get rid of. Even when I told myself that it would be okay, it… It still didn’t feel okay, I guess.”

“It wouldn’t have damaged anything,” Soonyoung assured him, a sort of ferocity in his voice that brought a smile to Jihoon’s face. 

“I know,” he responded. “I know. I can’t get rid of you.” 

Soonyoung smiled at that, scooting in close to nudge Jihoon’s shoulder with his own. Jihoon tried to squirm away but Soonyoung didn’t let him, tightening his grip around Jihoon’s wrist, pulling at his arm so that his whole upper body ended up in Soonyoung’s lap. Jihoon really started squirming then, cursing when Soonyoung tickled him, kicking Soonyoung in the shin with his heel.

“Hey!” Soonyoung yelped, and all he did was redouble his efforts. Jihoon was breathless with laughter, Soonyoung breathless from trying to hold onto him, the two of them slumped against each other when the van finally rolled its way to a stop. Jihoon exhaled into the dark interior of the car.

“I like it now, I think,” he told Soonyoung. “Like, who I am, and what I can do, and stuff. It's good, and… I don't know. I haven't ever felt like this before. It's a little…" He let his head tilt, resting it against Soonyoung’s chest. He wasn't completely sure that he was making sense, but the emotion was so foreign and new that he didn't know how to talk about it. “It’s… okay, now? I don’t know. It's nice."

Soonyoung fully took his hand then, giving it a tight, tight squeeze.

"Yeah, Woozi-yah. You…" His expression went a bit pinched again, lips scrunching with emotion, and he gave up on what he'd been about to say. "I love you."

Junhui must have heard Jihoon’s words too because as soon as they'd stepped out of the van—Soonyoung still holding his hand, something that Jihoon didn't try arguing against because it didn't seem like he was going to let up any time soon—he pulled Jihoon up into a hug. 

"I'm okay," Jihoon felt the need to say, his chin tilted up against Junhui’s chest, the hug firm. "I'm okay. I was fine before too but this—it's just new, that's all."

Junhui kept an arm over Jihoon’s shoulders as they walked towards the dorm from the street, his head leaned against Jihoon’s own. 

"It's not the same." His voice was quiet. "There's a difference between really being fine, and being able to make yourself keep going, without the things you need. But you're okay now?"

Soonyoung, completely caught up in the conversation he'd just started with Seokmin and Seungkwan, thoughtlessly squeezed Jihoon's hand. Their second van came to a stop next to the first one, the door opening in an explosion of noise with Mingyu stumbling out first, rushed giggles leaving his mouth as he dashed away from a hot-on-his-heels Seungcheol, Chan’s bright laugh and Minghao’s cute giggling audible from somewhere inside the vehicle.

"Yeah," Jihoon answered. "Yeah, I'm okay now."

Junhui nuzzled his head against Jihoon’s with a happy almost-purr of a hum.

 

April ended with a Music Core performance, and that night during practice for the next day, Jihoon’s phone went off four times in a row. He excused himself to check it, unable to help feeling concerned, surprised to see a barrage of messages from Amy. 

From: Ailee-noona
Hey hey hey hey hey
Jihoon-ah
Jihooooooon
Can I call you?

He couldn’t help a small laugh as he unlocked his phone, waving the device at the other members in explanation as he headed towards the door, getting understanding nods from Soonyoung and Seungcheol. He wasn't technically supposed to step out of practice for reasons unrelated to work, but was taking advantage of the fact that the members likely thought it was Beomju. Once the door was closed behind him, he dialed her number.

“Jihoon-ah!” Her voice was bright, and he smiled. “Hi!”

“Hi, noona. What's up?"

"Are you busy?" she asked, and he couldn't lie to her.

"Yeah, the group is in the middle of practice."

"Oh, boo." He could hear her exaggerated frown, laughing. "Okay, I'll cut to the chase so I don't take up too much of your time.”

“Okay.” Jihoon felt slightly apprehensive, having no idea what this could be about. Amy let out a long breath. 

“Okay. So, I’m going to start working on my next release soon. And I’m writing lyrics for some of the songs, which is really exciting! I think I know what I want them to say, like the feel of them and stuff, but… This isn’t my first language, right? And my grammar… It’s really bad!” 

She said the exclamation with an exaggeration of despair in her voice, and Jihoon couldn’t help but laugh again.

“It’s so bad, Jihoon-ah. And on one of the songs, Eric-oppa is helping me out, but Korean isn’t his first language either! It’s a mess. Would you be willing to help me out?” 

Jihoon's immediate thought was yes, because he definitely wanted to, but his mind was going to their upcoming schedules. They had performances every day this week, and tomorrow was the busiest, with how they were doing both Pretty U and Chuck on Inkigayo, as well as a fansign in Yeongdeungpo. He wasn’t sure how urgent this was.

“I can’t tomorrow noona, but how about Monday? I’m not sure how we could meet, but all I have that day is a performance and practice.”

“Oh, so soon!” His answer seemed to surprise her. “I—yeah! Yeah, sure. How about…” She trailed off, her voice slow in thought. “I’m not sure what Eric-oppa’s schedule is, but maybe we could all get on a call together on Monday? So we wouldn’t have to worry about meeting in person. We can talk about free time and stuff then, okay? And make a better schedule.” 

Maybe not super urgent, then. Jihoon figured that not many other musicians cut their releases as down to the wire as Seventeen did. 

“Sure, sounds good.” 

So, on Monday, Jihoon found himself in his studio after practice, on a video call with Amy and Eric Nam. To Jihoon’s surprise, the meeting was incredibly informal; Eric was only there for about twenty minutes, introducing himself and explaining he and Amy’s ideas for their collaboration before saying he had to go, promising to keep himself available, and hopping back off. Amy was a bit more serious, working with Jihoon to come up with a proper schedule where they could meet up in person to work. 

“This is so exciting,” Jihoon said, a smile breaking out over Amy’s face as she nodded emphatically. 

“I know!” This wasn’t Amy’s first time participating in lyrics or composition, but Jihoon was excited to work with her, and it was nice that she was excited too. The album wasn’t scheduled to come out for a few months, so the plan was to wait until Love & Letter promotions ended—or, at the very least, began winding down—before they genuinely got to work. “This is going to be so great, Jihoon-ah. I’m… Well, I’m excited to create music, and I’m excited to be back on stage. I love singing so much.” 

The qualifiers were a little strange, Jihoon frowning. 

“But…?” he hazarded, and she sighed. 

“I hate dieting,” she confessed. “I hate it so much. It’s the worst thing in the world, and besides—I think it makes my voice worse. I can hear it, you know? I sound weaker.”

“Could you, I mean…” Jihoon felt hesitant, unsure of where to tread, or how. “Could you just… not? Your company wouldn't want you to do something that's bad for your voice, right?"

Amy gave him a small smile that was sympathetic in a way that Jihoon didn't really understand, then let out another breath, lowering her eyes to her hands and picking at her fingernails. 

"Maybe," she finally said. "I mean—" She huffed. "Maybe. It's not like I've ever had the body that the company wants, anyway. I don't look like that at all. I've got bones! And I need muscles!" 

Her voice had gone exaggerated, seemingly in a bit of an attempt to lighten the mood, and Jihoon smiled at her, hoping it would get a smile back.

"Noona, I've always thought you look great," he told her, and thankfully, she did smile at him. 

"Thanks, Jihoon-ah. You're one of the people that matters, so it means a lot." 

Silence fell, and Jihoon couldn’t help but shift uncomfortably. He wanted to do something, wanted to find a way to get a smile back on her face, and thankfully it didn't take much thought. It was something that she needed to know, anyway. He might as well tell her.

"Hey, noona?" That got her attention, meeting his eyes and raising an eyebrow. Jihoon bit down a smile. "I came out to the members."

For a moment, Amy didn't move. Then she blinked a handful of times, her eyelashes fluttering in surprise. 

"What? Really? Jihoon-ah!" Her voice got loud and she began beaming, her smile so bright that he had to smile too.

"And to my parents."

That had her freezing all over again, in a way that was so comical that Jihoon was fighting not to laugh.

"And… it went well?" She guessed, likely by his body language. When he nodded she made a cute sound of excitement, hugging her arms around herself, as though she needed to hug something and Jihoon wasn't there in person. 

"And—"

"There's another 'and'? There's more? When I'm already this proud of you?" 

"Ah, stop," Jihoon complained, feeling his face warm up at her words. She laughed at his bashful expression, light and happy. "I mean, I came out to Bumzu-hyung too, but that's not it. It's—Mingyu is my boyfriend now. Like, officially. I, um…" Jihoon had to look away, embarrassed, "I told him that I loved him."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

She made another hilariously excited sound and he began to laugh again, unable to articulate how grateful he was to have someone that was this full of delight on his behalf. 

"How dare you tell me this over a video call? When I can't hug you? I need to squeeze the life out of you!"

"No!" Jihoon exclaimed back, and his rejection had her bursting into giggles. "I like my life! Don't do that to me." 

Those words did have her calming a little, smiling at him through the screen.

"I'm so glad to hear you say that," she said. It was more sincerity than Jihoon truly felt prepared for; he hadn't meant the words seriously when he'd said them, but that didn't mean they weren’t true. "What inspired you to do it?"

Coming out wasn't a necessity, Jihoon knew, and was pretty sure that now, he'd told all of the people that he likely would ever tell in his life. But to do it, to have the members see what he had long considered to be the most damaging part of himself and not run away, was by far the most comforting thing he'd ever experienced. It was a confirmation he hadn't known he'd been missing until he'd felt it, until the final distance he'd been holding these loved ones at fully closed. He had them and now they had him too, wholly and completely.

"I just wanted to be happy," he confessed. Because in truth, that was all that it really came down to. Amy looked over him, her mouth scrunching up.

"Aish, Jihoon-ah!" She yelled, shaking her fist at the screen. "You're going to make me cry! Stop it!"

"I'm sorry!" Jihoon exclaimed back at her, pretending to duck away, her laugh coming loud through his computer speakers. 

Jihoon messaged Mingyu when he was on his way home. He only half expected a response, smiling when he received an excited little emoticon back. The dorm looked dark and quiet, so Jihoon was surprised when he stepped inside and heard soft voices, the light in the kitchen on.

"But don't you want to go on dates with Woozi-hyung?" It was Chan’s voice, politely confused, sounding like he was speaking with his mouth full. Jihoon paused in place, unable to help his curiosity. "It's been like two months, and you've only gone on one." 

"I mean, sure," Mingyu answered. "I don't not want to go on dates with hyung. But I want the comeback to do well, and that's what's important right now." 

“I guess,” Chan allotted after a moment, and Jihoon peeked around the corner to look. Mingyu was at the stove, looking like he was using some of their household items to spruce up a packet of instant ramyeon. Chan was leaning against the counter, holding a half-empty, similarly spruced ramyeon bowl in one hand, chopsticks in the other, forgotten schoolwork on the kitchen floor. It was just the two of them. “Still, though.” 

“Going on dates is quality time, right? I still get to spend time with hyung. Going out is less comfortable sometimes than staying in anyway, because then we have to worry about someone seeing us. Hyung is always so busy, but taking care of him makes me feel good.” Mingyu swept chopped green onions off of his cutting board and into the pot of noodles with the side of his knife. “I am totally dragging him to the movie theater when Captain America: Civil War comes out, though. I don’t care how busy he is; we’re not missing that.”

Chan laughed a little, and Jihoon felt his heart swell. None of this was new information really, but hearing it was nice, especially to hear Mingyu saying it in a situation where Jihoon wasn’t there, and he was free to complain if he wanted.

“Good, because I want to see that movie too,” he decided to say, entering the kitchen. Both Chan and Mingyu turned, Mingyu’s face lighting up.

“Hyung!” Mingyu’s greeting was happy, and it made the ache in Jihoon’s chest too strong to ignore.

“Don’t look,” he told Chan, before pulling Mingyu down by the shoulder and pressing a kiss to his mouth. He kept it short, able to feel Mingyu’s confusion and unable not to grin about it. “Hi.” 

“Hi.” Mingyu sounded slightly dumbstruck, his smile having gone just a bit dopey. “Want—I—um. Ramyeon?” 

All Jihoon could do in the face of the botched question was fall into a fit of giggles, pushing his now-pink face into Mingyu’s chest.

“Hyungs,” Chan said, a complaint clear in his voice. 

“He did tell you not to look,” Mingyu defended, wrapping an arm around Jihoon, and Jihoon clung to his shirt, laughing even harder. Mingyu looked down at him. “I made the ramyeon for you, if you're hungry.”

“Thanks.” The thought was incredibly sweet. Jihoon kind of just wanted to kiss him again. “We can share it, if you want.”

"I'm going to go eat in the living room," Chan said, pushing up off the counter and walking off, Jihoon sure to reach up and ruffle his hair as he walked past.

 

The next day was their official comeback performance on THE SHOW, their familiarity with the program making it all feel nice and comfortable, in the running yet again to win and yet again missing it. Missing the win did hurt a little but the flood of apologies they got from fans hurt even more, Jihoon now looking at the rest of the promotional period with some trepidation, unwilling to put their Carats through something like that again. These thoughts didn’t change the fact that Show Champion was the day afterwards, and the waiting room was completely abuzz. 

"The more excited you are, the more disappointed you'll be," Jeonghan called out in warning. Despite how true that was, the words did little to dampen everyone's spirits.

Seventeen were, for the very first time on Show Champion, in the running to win today.

Jihoon didn't think it was going to happen. Sure, Pretty U was doing well—better than any of their past releases, especially digitally—but still. Seokmin noticed his lack of excitement, frowning at him. 

"Don't you want to win, hyung? With your song and everything?"

"Sure, but…" It felt too unrealistic. This was only their third release, and they hadn’t even been debuted for a year yet. They hadn't won Artist of the Year the first time they were nominated, and they hadn't even gotten a win on the smaller THE SHOW yesterday , despite the amount of times they'd been nominated; they weren't going to get their first win on a big program like Show Champion. Not up against artists like Block B and VIXX. "I'd rather just be happy about being nominated. It's better than being disappointed later."

The nomination was an accomplishment in and of itself. A win just wasn’t going to happen. It was too soon. 

The performance went well, Jihoon reminding the members not to get their hopes up as everyone got ready to enter the encore stage with the other performers. VIXX greeted them as they walked on—the group was promoting their title track Dynamite —gesturing for Seventeen to stand in front, so they thanked them and did. Jihoon was in the back, and the excitement in front of him was palpable.

The countdown to announcing the winner started, Jihoon realizing that despite the genuine efforts he was making to temper his expectations, his heart was high in his throat. Kim Shinyoung looked even more dwarfed than usual by the giant Show Champion trophy in her hand, wearing an experienced, broadcast-ready expression that didn't give anything away. 

"Three… two… one…" 

Then Pretty U's chorus rang out over the sound system, and the crowd erupted into screams as gold streamers shot down on them, Jihoon’s mind going completely blank with shock. 

"Seventeen's Pretty U!"

Seventeen. Seventeen. Seventeen had won. 

Celebratory music played, but it was background noise that Jihoon barely noticed, because the truth of it was sinking in now. Seventeen had won. Seungcheol stepped up to take the microphone and say thanks, just to immediately choke up and retreat, passing the mic off to Soonyoung. He turned away and met eyes with Jihoon, and the tears welling in them had Jihoon realizing that he himself was crying too. He was already crying, wet tracks running quick down his cheeks, his whole body going weak as an unbelievable relief washed through him. Seventeen had won. 

It was a stress Jihoon had thought he'd let go of. The satisfaction he got from making music and the confidence he had in the skills of those around him had taken a majority of the edge off, when it came to producing. Sure, releasing new music still made him nervous, but it was always from wanting approval, instead of dreading critique. It was always from hope, instead of fear. Fear was something he thought he'd left behind after their debut had gone well, but he was coming to realize that something that bone-deep wasn't as easy to shake off as their first music video taking just twenty-four hours to reach one hundred thousand views. 

He'd been so scared that somehow he'd done it wrong, that Adore U was going to be a death sentence for his members, that the group would be met with an apathy that reduced the past few years of their lives to ash. But now Soonyoung, someone Jihoon loved most in the world, on stage and sobbing his way through an acceptance speech, was holding physical, tangible proof that those fears had been nothing more than the desperation of how much Jihoon cared. 

The encore stage was a blur. Jihoon couldn’t stop crying. He could barely even hold his upper body up, being passed from member to member to be hugged and patted on the head as Pretty U played around them. While a fraction of it was gratitude, the most prominent emotion he felt was relief. The relief of a stress he'd been holding for the past three years—if not more—being washed from his body. It wasn't until they'd reached the Hip Hop Unit outro of the song, Jisoo’s arm around him, that Jihoon realized he should probably be showing the fans that were cheering in the audience a more grateful face, holding his microphone to his mouth to thank them and bowing as the song was finished. 

Seungcheol led the way backstage. He'd pulled himself together well by the end, beaming at the waiting camera crew and accepting the personalized, engraved trophy that the staff handed to them. It was the one they were allowed to keep, the one they were allowed to take home, and somehow it ended up in Jihoon’s hands as he was pushed to the front, Jihoon hearing Mingyu coo his name as he stepped up in response to Minghao’s excited coaxing. The golden trophy was unexpectedly light, the wooden base unexpectedly heavy. He'd held Amy’s trophy for her when she'd won on this same program but somehow, it felt different. 

"You didn't get to say your thoughts on winning earlier," the PD prompted him, but Jihoon shook his head, ducking away from the camera lens. He'd just now managed to stop crying, and he knew if he spoke, tears would just start up again. The only one still actively sobbing was Soonyoung, next to Jihoon, his face an absolute mess. 

"That's okay," he managed out. He'd thank the fans better later, when he was collected and able to say what he actually wanted; to find a way to best convey what he actually meant. "Thank you."

In an unprecedented show of mercy, the PD didn't press him, likely because Seungcheol redirected the conversation off of him, a slight protectiveness in his tone that Jihoon wanted to curl up against. They all managed to pull it together for the group photo, Mingyu turning from his position in the formation and giving Jihoon a bright, joy-filled smile before facing the camera again. 

The PD was satisfied with the behind-the-scenes footage and the camera crew began to leave, Jihoon turning to Soonyoung and pulling him immediately into a hug. Soonyoung hugged back, and Jihoon shifted his arm, getting the trophy out from between their bodies so Soonyoung could be closer, Soonyoung’s hands clumsy, his fingers curling tight, his breath warm and damp against Jihoon’s neck.

"We did it," Jihoon murmured, and he felt Soonyoung’s nod, heard a small noise that he knew was an agreement but at face value, was simply a whine.

"It's going to be okay," Soonyoung said, genuinely sounding like he meant it, but also sounding so watery that Jihoon couldn't help a slight laugh. 

"I told you that it would be," he said, Soonyoung giving a laugh of his own as he pulled back.

"Yeah." Soonyoung used the arm not still around Jihoon to wipe at one of his cheeks, Jihoon reaching up with his free hand to wipe at the other with his thumb. "And I told you I believed you."

The trophy didn't leave Jihoon’s hands the entire way back home. Nobody seemed to want to take it from him, but that was good because Jihoon suddenly didn't want to let it go as they climbed into their vans to leave, Jihoon settling it into his lap as the vehicle began to move. Mingyu had managed to clamber in next to him, wrapping an arm around Jihoon’s waist, and Jihoon let his head tilt, resting it against Mingyu’s shoulder. 

"Hi." Mingyu’s voice was gentle and quiet. He nuzzled his forehead against Jihoon’s hair, the action making Jihoon smile. "Can I?"

Jihoon nodded and Mingyu leaned in, kissing his cheek. 

"Guess what?" 

"What?" Jihoon asked. Mingyu kissed his cheek again. 

"I love you."

Jihoon knew that. He knew, but despite that knowledge, the words didn't feel any less. Somehow, instead, they felt like more every time Mingyu said them, but not in the heart-hammering way it had been the first time. Just engraved deeper into Jihoon, into his heart and his lungs and his bones, the way it was said as a fact. There was no doubt when Mingyu spoke, which gave Jihoon no choice but to believe him; to believe, wholeheartedly, that he was loved. 

"Yeah, I know." 

The response made Mingyu giggle, happy and absolutely perfect, in Jihoon’s ear.

"And guess what else?" 

"What now?"

Mingyu kissed his cheek a third time. This one was a bit wet. 

"I'm proud of you. I am so proud of you." 

Warmth flushed through Jihoon’s entire body.

"You did this too," he told Mingyu, nodding to the trophy. "We all did." 

"Our first win," Mingyu said, leaning his head against Jihoon’s own. Jihoon gave a small hum in agreement. He felt a bit exhausted. "You cried so much, hyung. It's supposed to be a happy thing, you know." 

Jihoon couldn't help his own small laugh, barely more than an exhale through his nose. 

"I know," he said again, and with Mingyu's lack of genuine concern for him, knew that Mingyu was just teasing. "I needed that though, I think."

In truth, Jihoon was happy. He was incredibly, unbelievably happy. He'd thought that being happier wouldn't be possible when he'd first gotten together with Mingyu; he'd thought that being happier wouldn't be possible when Seventeen had debuted. Looking back, those emotions were small compared to this. They were dwarfed by the enormity of how good he was feeling now, and in a way, that was terrifying. Not from a fear that it would fall apart, because with the people he had around him, that wasn't a possibility that Jihoon found rational to entertain. But because in many ways, sitting in this cramped van, headed back to their old, undersized dorm, with their first trophy in his lap and Mingyu’s arm around him, Jihoon knew that this was only the beginning. 

"You'll celebrate next time though, right?" Mingyu asked him. "And the time after that, and after that, and after that, and after that too?"

"How many wins did you just say?" Jihoon asked, truly laughing now. "That's a lot of pressure, Minggu."

Mingyu kissed the tip of his still-pink nose. "I believe in you, hyung."

"Thanks." Jihoon found Mingyu's hand, lacing their fingers. Then he gave a breath of a sigh, and let himself fully feel the bubble of pride that was starting to grow, warm and strong, with the weight of the trophy in his lap. "I… yeah. I do too."

Notes:

i've had the idea that i'd write up this whole sappy paragraph, but now that i'm actually here, i don't really know what to say. i don't know how i got here! before i started this fic, i planned on it being like 150k words max. like, tops. that was going to be it. and i know that there are jokes about things being way longer than planned, but this nearly being 400k feels a little extreme. another complete shock was the way people responded! not only was the reception beyond my expectations, but the comments i've gotten on this fic are genuinely the most kind and thoughtful comments i've ever received in my life. you guys made me cry on more than one occasion!! having something that i've created with care being responded to in such a wonderful way might be the best feeling in the world.

as you might notice, this fic is part of a series now! i can't let this au go just yet, and have been writing some oneshots in the same universe, centered around some of the other members. i won't be posting them on any kind of schedule, just throwing them out when they're finished, so if that seems interesting, you're more than welcome to subscribe to the series! if not, that's fair. this thing has gone on long enough. and so have i! i just want to say again, thank you so much for reading. please don't hesitate to hit me up on twitter, retrospring, or in the comments section here!

twt | retrospring | dreamwidth ch 31

Series this work belongs to:

• Part 1 of ALTWSS-verse