Chapter Text
Shauna slowly shut her phone, dropping it into her bag. She felt listless after her answering machine conversation with Tai. It was somehow worse than being yelled at and seeing eyes filled with fear looking back at her, the stillness, the quiet, the uncertainty in what Tai was feeling. She was afraid, afraid of how Tai had looked at her, afraid of what she was doing, getting closer and closer to Jackie and leaving her friends behind in the process. No . She wasn’t doing that. She wasn’t leaving Tai and Van to get to Jackie. She would never leave them behind.
“Of course you would Shauna.”
Shauna whipped around, startled by the voice behind her. Nothing. She swore a tumbleweed rolled past, there was so much nothing.
“Hello?” Is this a new supervillain? Am I about to get murdered? Misty?
“Over here, Shipman.” The first time it spoke she convinced herself it was a trick of the mind, but sure enough she knew that voice well, after years of listening to it in a lovesick daze, nights spent replaying it over and over in her head. Forgetting that voice was past any lobotomy, hell, even being hit with an atomic bomb wouldn’t stop Shauna from knowing that voice. Because as she turned back to face the street, there was the voice, more embodied than its previously gaseous state.
Jackie.
Shauna sighed, too emotionally worn out to even be distressed by the girl standing in front of her.
“What are you- haunting me?”
Jackie turned up her nose. “Of course not. Why on Earth would I waste my time being a ghost to haunt you . I’m just your guilty conscience.”
“Leave me alone, Jackie. I have more important things to do than talk to you.”
“Oh, of course honey. That’s why you’re following this lead so you can talk to me.”
Shauna huffed and pushed past ghost-hallucination-guilty conscience-Jackie.
“I’m following this lead to talk to the real Jackie, not some stupid manifestation of my feelings.”
“If you’re already this annoyed talking to imaginary me you should probably avoid talking to real me. You know, with your temper and everything.”
“I don’t have a temper.” Shauna scoffed, turning away from ghost-hallucination-guilty conscience-Jackie.
“Hmm. Okay. Remember that time you saw Jeff holding me by the waist so you punched a locker?”
“That was one time!”
“What about when Jeff spelt my name wrong on my birthday card and you wrote my name out in your diary fifty billion times and then threw it at him the next time he spoke to me?”
“Shut up Jackie.”
“Or what about that time we kissed in front of you at Mari’s halloween party and Randy Walsh asked “why the long face” so you hit him in the jaw so hard a tooth fell out?
“SHUT THE FUCK UP!” Shauna spun around to face ghost-hallucination-guilty conscience-Jackie who was standing defiantly with her arms folded.
“You gonna hit me, Shipman? I mean even for you, that’s cruel. Me? Your Jackie? I mean, honestly, what did I even expect? Of course I’d say something that you wouldn’t like, because the world has to revolve around you, like everything, and you’d snap. I knew it! Of course you’d snap and hurt me again, was Jeff not enough? You’re going to hit me now, just pound me, lay into me, huh? Look in my eyes and kill me, Shauna, just like you killed me before. Go, do it.”
Shauna felt helpless, standing in front of ghost-hallucination-guilty conscience-Jackie, shaking with anger, trying to make her brain think of something, think of any response, something to spit back at Jackie to top all that was directed at her. Her head was empty. Ghost-hallucination-guilty conscience-Jackie was technically her anyway, and the only person Shauna couldn’t argue with was herself. Shauna’s lip quivered, her eyes threatening to spill over with more godforsaken tears.
“Just- JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!” Shauna shouted, trying desperately to make Jackie go away. Maybe if she screwed her eyes up tight enough and wished hard enough she would dissipate, finally leave her be. Maybe one more yell would do it.
“FUCK OFF JACKIE!” Her scream was prolonged, seemingly letting loose every goddamn emotion that was wrestling inside of her, leaving her an empty mess of bones and flannel. She stood there in silence for almost a minute, not daring to open her eyes lest it jinx her wish. Finally, after she was starting to get sore from closing her eyes so tightly, she opened them. Shauna let out a sigh of relief. Ghost-hallucination-guilty conscience-Jackie was gone. Her efforts at meek celebration were cut short with a yell from below her.
“Get your ass down here, Shauna! Laundry’s done!”
She dropped down onto the fire escape and crawled through the window, where Van sat at her desk, focused intently on her monitor displaying Stardew Valley, one hand out holding Shauna’s dry mask.
“You uh… really focused on that game huh?” Shauna gave an awkward chuckle.
Why the fuck am I making bad attempts at small talk with my best friend? I sound like an absent father.
Van lifted a headphone off her ear and looked over at Shauna, rather confusedly.
“Are you… sweating?”
“Haha… whaaaaat…”
Van turned back to her game, still obviously confused.
“Does this have anything to do with you screaming at Jackie on the rooftop? Or was that unrelated?”
“Oh… you uh… you heard that…”
“Of course I heard it, you sounded like she was about to throw you off the building and you were pleading for your life- I wouldn’t be surprised if real Jackie heard you all the way in Midtown.”
Shauna instantly straightened up from her awkward stance near the window.
“WHAT? DID SHE?!”
Van averted her eyes from Stardew Valley to look directly at Shauna.
“No. It’s called a joke , Shauna. Ever heard of that? Matter of fact, do you need me to take me to my leader, you seem lost, maybe you need me to phone home for you?”
Shauna gave her an unamused look.
“I mean Jackie’s always made you a blubbering, hateful, delusional, self sabotaging, psychotic, pitiful, awful to be around, frankly homophobic bitch-”
“OKAY VAN I GET IT.”
“But this is like, dude. Are you four years old??? First time Jackie wanders back into your life and suddenly you barely know the alphabet and are having hallucinations on the roof of our apartment building! Do you not see what’s happening to you?”
“I’m fine , Van, we’ve been through this, okay. I will forever be at the mercy of Jackie Taylor and that’s that.”
“See, that's not normal.”
“Of course it isn’t normal, I can never be normal about her, Van. She drives me mad and she’ll never stop driving me mad, I could fucking kill myself and she’d follow me right down to the fiery pits of hell. She’s probably already down there planning my punishment with the devil.”
“You pass your lit exams with that mouth?”
“I’m stressed , Van, surely that gives me a free pass to sound like a heartbroken thirteen year old.”
“Yeah, and you look like one too in that outfit.” Van rolled her eyes. “I’m only trying to look out for you Shipman, a couple of days into Jackie and you’ve gone into a coma at a coffee shop and are apparently experiencing extreme hallucinations. Not a good look.”
Shauna grumbled. “Look, Van, I appreciate you looking out for me and all, but I’ve got this. I’ve been through worse and survived, like repeatedly jumping off a building trying to kill myself.”
“And who was that caused by?”
“My point still stands, fuck you.” Shauna pulled her mask on and gave Van a pat on the head before ducking out the window onto the fire escape.
Shauna found herself faltering as she stood up, preparing to jump off the metal railing. The apartment was safe, a demilitarised zone if you will, but down there, down in the city, she was at the hands of Jackie. Whatever happened she knew Jackie would make her stutter and forget things and trip and make bad decisions and be stupid Shauna. Of course, she was still stupid Shauna in the apartment, but it was like a simulation, practice for being able to handle stupid Shauna in the real Jackie-filled world. Shauna had not done well with the simulation so far. For all she knew the moment her feet touched the ground she would crumble, struck down by some voodoo shit Jackie was sending her way. She stared down at the pavement, covered in fallen leaves and a curse from the Wicked Witch of Vintage Ralph Lauren herself. The occasional passerby crossed her vision, ignoring Shauna’s attempts to send a mental warning about the lingering mystical Jackie energy surrounding them. Lost in thought, she couldn’t hear the window behind her being lifted open, leaving her vulnerable to heart attack when Van’s voice called out.
“You know I can see you standing there, right?”
The unexpected interjection did not help her already frazzled state, and Shauna’s precarious position on the edge of the fire escape proved dangerous as she jumped in shock and slipped from the railing, promptly plummeting to the ground and meeting the concrete below.
The hit knocked the wind out of her as she stared up hazily at Van, who was peering over the edge with what seemed to be a cheeky smile on her face.
“You are so lucky I have a no kill rule.” She groaned.
“Get up Shauna, you’ll be fine. You always are.” Van’s expression shifted from a mocking one to that of encouragement, beaming down at Shauna.
The stupid Van belief in her was sweet, and felt genuine, nothing like those “motivational” speeches the guidance counsellor used to give her. Finding just enough resolve in herself, Shauna beamed right back at her best friend, giving a half hearted thumbs up to really send it home. Building up the strength within, Shauna moved to lift herself, but was instantly met with a shoe to the stomach.
“HEY!! WHAT THE FUCK??” She yelled, ripping off her mask to glare at her assailant, who lifted a headphone off his ear, apparently unaware of the sidewalk hazard he had just stepped on. The man looked dumbfounded, and rather confused at what was yelling at him.
“DUDE.” Shauna announced indignantly.
“Oh- uh, sorry, man.” He turned away awkwardly and kept walking.
“Yeah, you will be! You’ll be super duper sorry when you’re hanging from a building and need ME TO RESCUE YOU!!” Shauna yelled after him.
The man either didn’t hear her through his headphones or was trying his best to ignore the insane teenage girl lying on the pavement. Shauna turned her head back to see Van absolutely losing her shit on the balcony, keeling over with laughter at her predicament.
“AND YOU SHUT UP TOO!!” Shauna huffed angrily. Heaving herself up, she looked down at her shirt to see a massive muddy footprint on her stomach.
Great. Now I look and feel like shit.
Still half in tears, Van waved goodbye to Shauna.
“Go out and do your Spider-Man stuff- or is it Foot-Man? Are you Foot-Man now?” Van was wheezing at her own terrible joke.
“That- that doesn’t even make sense!!” Shauna shouted up at the balcony, turning tail furiously and running down the street, finally forcing herself to leave the safety of the apartment. Once she gained enough momentum Shauna leaped as high as she could, snapping her fingers down on the web shooters to fling a web out in front of her. Connecting with a building, Shauna swung up higher and repeated the motion, shoot and swing, shoot and swing, shoot and swing until she had regained her usual rhythm. A sudden calm washed over her. Up in the sky she was perfectly alone, flowing through the air with only the company of her own thoughts and some rather brave birds. A swallow brushed past her, flicking its wing over her nose. The movement tickled her, forcing her nose to scrunch and a small smile to flicker across her face. She was light, swaying between buildings, laying back and letting gravity carry her down before twisting away with another web. This felt like Shauna. Not sulking in her room listening to her concerningly large playlist of sad love songs, not reading old text messages, not wishing she actually hated Jackie instead of her stupid fake hate, none of that. She was just… Shauna. Free from the ties of Jackie, up in the clouds watching everything swim past her. Shauna didn’t even know if she existed without Jackie, but being up in the sky sure felt like it. She could watch the trees and the cars and the people for as long as she liked, running along the sides of office buildings and waving to those working inside. It was loud and quiet at the same time, dampened by her height with all the sounds melding together and drifting up to where she swung in the sky. But no matter how kindred she was with the wind and clouds, she still had a job to do. Warehouses, guns and girls. Hell of a morning she had ahead of her.
The second closest location Van had sent to her was in the East Village, on Ludlow Street. Shauna liked the East Village, all the old fire escapes made for a fun game of sorts, leaping from railing to railing, ducking under hanging ladders and the occasion washing line hung from someone’s window. Shauna’s clumsy nature always left her with a stray towel or t-shirt hanging off her shoulder, which abruptly halted her game as she retraced her steps to return it, sometimes delivering a somber apology to the victim. All the hiccups didn’t matter however, as Shauna’s practiced pace, zipping around corners and bounding off lamp posts, brought her to Ludlow Street in no time. As she neared the location, Shauna shot two webs at a telephone pole and flung herself forward, severely overshooting the landing and diving face forward into the pavement, instead of neatly on the pole as intended.
Jesus Christ. As if today could get any worse.
Shauna stood up weakly, rubbing her nose where it had smacked right into concrete. Waving her hands she dispersed the small crowd forming around her, and sure enough, in two seconds everyone had forgotten about her mishap and went about with their days, walking right past her like she was the telephone pole herself.
Gotta love New York.
She brushed herself off quickly before leaping back on top of the telephone pole and straightening up, ready to be super serious and survey the scene.
Terrible alliteration Shauna.
The building in front of her was a parking garage, and looked fairly normal from where she was poised, covered in the regular graffiti and odd looking stains, nothing out of the ordinary or supervillain base of operations like. Hopping down from the telephone pole, Shauna climbed over the small fence and stepped foot in the garage. Still pretty normal. It was fairly large, a wide open space dotted with cars, and what seemed like a toll booth at one end. Walking past the cars she peered inside all of them, but nothing leaped out at her, just the usual mess of kids toys and random pieces of trash. Shauna scanned as she walked by the cars, running her eyes over the walls and ground, desperate for any clues relevant to her investigation. The seemingly endless amount of vehicles made Shauna unimaginably bored, and the repetitive nature of the search of course made room for a certain someone to sneak into her brain space. Shauna started to wonder if Jackie would drive any of these cars. Basically all of them were flat out no’s, too big, too boxy, too sleek, ugly colour (cmon it’s Jackie, she’s chic). The elimination process continued for quite some time, with Shauna pondering over some decent looking vehicles, but none quite catching her eye until she reached the far corner of the garage. She was almost dumbstruck at how perfect it was. Small and smooth, with round headlights and a cream finish, Shauna was practically staring at Jackie inexplicably in automobile form. She ducked around the back, reading the model badge.
Ford Pinto.
Shauna whipped out her camera and snapped a photo of the badges on the rear, then moved to a side profile and took a full photo of the car. Something inside her pulled her to text Jackie, tell her what she found, like she would always do, sending her photos of buildings and stray cats and flowers, anything she could caption “you” with. Could she still do that? I mean, did Spider-Man know Jackie well enough to send her the most Jackie car ever and just pass it off as a subtle vibe? Maybe that would help her case, convince Jackie that Spider-Man truly is the one for her. It is a pretty romantic thing to do. Before anything in her could yell at her to stop, Shauna pulled out her phone from her pocket and flipped it open, clicking on Jackie’s contact and adding an attachment in the text window. The grainy camera on her ancient phone didn’t produce an exactly clear picture, but it was good enough to take a quick one and send it to Jackie. Shauna pondered over what to write to caption it, simply sending it wasn’t enough any more, she needed to explain herself.
Dear Jackie
Hi there!
Hey foxy lady
Shauna decided to bin the formal introduction.
Saw this car and thought of you!
That was enough, surely. Shauna deleted the exclamation point. Wayyyy too needy. She needed to be mysterious and like, super nonchalant.
Saw this car and thought of you.
Now that was something. Thoroughly satisfied with the construction of the message, Shauna closed her eyes and slammed her thumb down on the send button, not daring to look at what she’d done. She shoved her phone back in her pocket and returned her attention to the case at hand. Though, something about that car would not let her look away. She studied its wheels, with their chrome rims and smooth tires, nothing like the tactical treads on more modern vehicles. The two door system, the wide back windshield, all of it was fascinatingly beautiful but still, something kept her fixated on it, something felt… off. Shauna knelt down, pressing herself to the floor and wriggling under the car, turning her head to inspect the rear of the wheel. Still, nothing. But as she turned back to crawl out and resume her search, her gaze halted. In front of her was a slight, almost invisible lip, a separation of the concrete that stretched for a metre or so under the car.
“YES!!” Shauna couldn’t hide her excitement, but the car she was under had other ideas, as she smacked her head rather roughly in her joy.
Even when I catch a break, I can’t catch a break.
She slid out from under the car and positioned her hands under the rear, preparing to pull. The handbrake being on certainly didn’t help, but Shauna had lifted heavier, and with ample grunts and moans she dragged the car from its parking spot. Once it was out of the way she leant down and pressed her fingertips against the slight raise and pulled up, calling every bit of strength she had to lift up the hatch. She felt a rise in the concrete- then her fingers slipped. Positioning herself in a wider stance and wiping her hands on her pants, Shauna tried again. But just as she felt a slight purchase, she had lost her grip. No amount of heaving and concentration could do it though, it was just too small of a hold for her to grip onto.
“AHHHH!!!” Shauna yelled in anger, slamming her fists down on the concrete repeatedly. Why couldn’t anything work???? Slowing her breathing and trying to calm herself down, Shauna opened her eyes to see she had just pushed the hatch completely flush with the concrete floor.
Jesus Chr- wait. I’m literally Spider-Man.
Praising her own genius brain, Shauna stood up and shot two webs down at where she guessed the hatch to be (now practically invisible thanks to her little fit) and tugged firmly upwards. She had severely overestimated the amount of strength needed, as the piece of concrete covering the hole shot up and slammed into the ceiling, before crashing back down at her feet. Shauna spun around, checking frantically that no one was in the hearing vicinity of her blunder. Nothing but cars. Phew. Once she was sure no one was watching her, she dropped down into the hole.
It was a small room, barely bigger than the bathroom at her apartment, but packed with boxes, certainly maximising the efficiency of the space. On a closer look the boxes were practically identical to the ones she had seen at the docks. Prying one open, she could see the contents was identical too, rows of firearms laid over packing peanuts. Shauna pulled out her camera and took a few photos, lifting the lids of as many boxes as she could, scouting them out for anything that gave her more of a lead to the source of the weapons. Running her hand across one her finger scratched along something. Something rough. Turning the box to face her, Shauna’s breath hitched as she saw the engraving.
miss you xx
It wasn’t a trick, it wasn’t a one off, wasn’t something a random thug did because he was bored, it was real and it was right in front of her and FUCK.
Just as she was getting back to Jackie and everything and of course it wasn’t perfect, it was actually super duper fucked without the love notes in gun crates. She couldn’t go back to that, she promised herself, no more, it was done. No matter how confused her stupid brain and stupid heart and stupid sex drive was, she promised that she was done.
WHY WHY WHY????????????
Shauna’s head was reeling, filled with too many memories of nights past, too many memories of her , and then of course Jackie was there, Jackie was always there, the wondering and the guilt and the what-ifs and the regrets about everything, everything, EVERYTHING. It was too much, and there she was on the floor, unable to hold her body up as her mind ran far away. Those stupid mistakes and stupid choices and she wanted it, she had wanted it and ached for it and clawed her way to it, no matter how much her heart screamed at her to stop. How it tormented her, pushing her to tears and blood and way too many journaling sessions. Her head was muddy with hurt and lust and stupid, stupid memories, she felt as if she was going to explode. Her knuckles were furiously grinding into the concrete floor, beading with blood as her skin gave way to the rough. Her teeth were clenched and her eyes were milky, dazed, and filled with red. Her brain was fucking overloading and it was too much, too much, it was all too much-
Bzzt.
A vibration in her pocket shocked her back to reality, pushing the blur from her eyes and forcing her alert, like a big bucket of cold water had been poured on her head. Shauna thrust her hand into her jeans and pulled out her phone. The little screen proudly displayed:
1 New Message from Jackie xx
Shauna’s heart fluttered, her mind suddenly free from her . Back to Jackie, a very familiar subject. She opened the message.
Jackie xx: omg!! how did you find me in car form??? ^-^
Jackie xx: thinking about me on the job spidey… am i that lovely?
Shauna blushed, quickly tapping back a response.
Me: Maybe
Was that too nonchalant?
Me: Maybe as in yes
Me: Lovely
Me: You are that
Me: Fuck sorry that sent in the wrong order
Shauna slammed her phone shut and dropped her head in her hands.
“Shauna, that was terrible.”
Van’s voice in her earpiece quite literally gave her a heart attack as her head shot up from her hands and crashed into the box behind her.
“VAN?! WHAT THE FUCK?!”
Silence.
“HOW DID YOU- WHAT- are you in my fucking brain right now????”
An exasperated sigh sounded from the other end.
“No, Shauna, I’m not in your brain. I tapped your phone dummy.”
“YOU TAPPED??? MY??? WHAT????”
“Jesus Christ it’s not that hard of a concept to grasp-” Her voice slowed and took on a patronising tone. “Me. See. Your. Text. Messages. You. Bad. At. Flirting.”
“Why the fuck are you looking at my text messages, Van? That’s like a total invasion of privacy, you FREAK!!!”
“To try and prevent situations like this . You know, making a complete fool of yourself.”
“That doesn’t- that doesn’t excuse looking through my messages- okay. Van. I appreciate your advice and support in this trying time, and I will, of course come to you when I need to, but you can’t just try and stop me from even talking to her. I know I’m terrible at flirting. She makes me stupid. But hey, maybe she likes that. We don’t know.”
“I mean- WOAH, WOAH, WOAH- YOU MIGHT BE RIGHT! HOLY SHIT, SHE TEXTED BACK!! SHAUNA ALL HANDS ON DECK. JACKIE MIGHT ACTUALLY WANT YOUR SORRY ASS!!”
Shauna grumbled.
“Don’t sound so surprised.”
She opened the message.
Jackie xx: you are sooo weird spiderman
“Eugh… that is not good.”
“No, no, it’s good, Van, she’s like flirting. She’s calling me like, flirting-nice-weird. This is what Jackie does. THIS IS WHAT JACKIE DOES!”
Shauna grinned from ear to ear, Jackie was calling her weird in the way she always did, whenever Shauna would correct her on her grammar or tell her about whatever book she was currently reading or try and rant about stupid Shauna things. This was Jackie!
Shauna shot back.
Me: It’s Spider-Man. There’s a hyphen.
Jackie xx is typing…
Jackie xx: okay spider hyphen man.
Jackie xx: ^v^
Shauna giggled to herself. Jackie was so funny.
“Jesus, you’re whipped.”
“Shhh, Van.”
Bzzt.
Another message?
Jackie xx: oh also i have updates on the gun numbers
Jackie xx: can you call?
Shauna froze. Call? A call? Like- a phone call? She wants to call ? They had called before, but that was Shauna’s coffee shop coma, that was Shauna calling her , not the other way around. Jackie wanted to call her. Jackie.
“Shauna. Holy fucking shit balls.”
“Dude. She wants to call me.”
A pause.
Then both of them let out the biggest cheer they had in a long while.
“JACKIE WANTS TO CALL YOU!!!”
“JACKIE WANTS TO CALL ME!!!”