Chapter Text
[Cecilia Immergreen]: I miss you too. Lunch with Sora. Meet you at the dormhouse later?
[Gigi Murin]: woowwwowww the humblebrag. Okaay chu
…
Gigi stares at her phone with eyes glazing over. She’s currently holding it behind her knees and trying not to act like she’s hiding what’s on the screen. She’s not doing the best job of pretending.
“Gigi? Oooh Gigi?” Gigi jerks her head a bit at this and drops her phone into her lap casually, stretching her arms and legs out as far as they’ll go.
“Yesssss…. Sorry Mori Calliope. I was just looking at photos of you.”
Calli puffs her cheeks out in some sort of mock expression. “Uh-huh. Looking at photos when the real thing is right here. Who you texting over there? Never seen you look like that, Gigi…”
Gigi licks her lips exaggeratedly. “MMmMmMm… Mori Calliope fanfiction. Writing one.”
“Oh yeah? Can I check it out?”
“Too lewd, it’s explicit.”
“Ara ara. Wowza…” Mori pauses, glancing at Gigi’s mixed expression, something between mischief and shame, before looking down at her hands. “Guess there’s no helping it then.”
Gigi sticks her tongue out. “No Mori Calliopes in this zone.”
Calli’s eyes soften. “Oh yeah? I thought I was welcome to the Gigi spot anytime.”
“Not this Gigi spot. The other one, sure.”
“Tsun Gigi, wow…”
“Bites you… Nuzzles you… Pounces on you…”
“There she is…”
Gigi was squished into the corner of Mori’s couch, the two of them watching episodes of Alien Stage together. Gigi shoved her phone back into her pocket, taking her Ceci egg plushie back off of her lap and squishing it hard between her fingers; trying to make it ooze in between them like play-doh. It wasn’t working. No matter how hard she squeezed, Eggcilia stared at her cutely through her fingers, shape fully retained. It wasn’t substituting the real thing very well. She groans internally.
Calli blinks in curiosity, trying not to stare. She couldn’t help it. Ever since she’d gotten to know Gigi, she’d come to terms with Gigi’s two sides. The playful, flirtatious side she shows to most everyone, especially Calli. And the quieter side, where things were more of a reflection of how she felt on the inside. Gigi tried to push it all down beneath the surface, muddying the waters with brainrot and humor and extraneous everything, but the shine of a red heart still comes through, and Calli had taken notice.
Gigi clenches her jaw, lost in thought. Last night was infernal, in the best of ways. There was a fire burning in her, and it was so ferocious that not even irl time with an oshi could put it out. This is how she knew how fucked up it all was. Was she a sex addict, or was this what true love was like? Cecilia… she was haunted by images of Cecilia’s body, her words, her voice… everything they’ve done and would do. It clung to her and followed her like some sort of stilted, horrendous demon, the phantom stench of it lingering on her skin. For the life of her, she was afraid others could smell it too.
Hanging out with Mori Calliope was a blast though, and they’d had a great morning eating bagels and chatting about future plans. Calli had shown her all the Warhammer figurines she’d been painting, and Gigi had asked her if there was any yaoi in the series.
“Not really, Gigi. Hate to disappoint.”
“My friend said Space Marines 2 had a poly yaoi relationship.”
“I don’t think we played the same thing, Gigi.”
Now, they lazed around on the couch, Calli on the opposite corner, occasionally reaching down to pet Ghost Cat. Gigi had been right there next to her, doing her best impression of a needy kitten, seeing Ghost Cat as fierce competition right up until her phone had pinged with Cecilia’s reply, and she’d launched herself away to answer.
Last night echoes in Gigi’s head again. Oh my god, it never ended. *I’m gay. I’m gay, I’m gay, I’m gay, I’M GAY!!!! I LOVE CECI, FUCK!!! UGH!!!* Her head was a cacophonous place right now. It was hurting her, and the thought of Cecilia sitting in a cafe somewhere with Tokino Sora was driving Gigi up the wall, just ever so slightly. She was gonna have to give it to Cecilia good later, but not before checking her scent, holding her tight and close to her as an excuse. Not that she wouldn’t have anyways.
She was a little jealous, maybe. But mostly not that. She just… missed her. Fuck. It’s fine though. It’s been two hours. What was she, some sort of American Psycho? Was she walking past cubicles on the 11th floor of the American Gardens Building, listening to Katrina and the Waves on her cassette player?
Maybe. Maybe she was.
Mori Calliope distraction. Mori Calliope McDonald’s pheromones. Time to be silly. Time to be yuri, and time for Gigi Murin to come out of her little eggshell and act how she usually acted, once again. She loved Mori. She loved women. It was time to do what she did best, whenever she had brain worms of any sort, which was just about constantly.
Gigi crawls across the couch and lays her head on Calli’s lap, a welcome and normal type of oddity for Calli. Gigi was her weak spot, and admittedly, she had a bit of a crush. It was whatever. Gigi knew this and played into it at every opportunity. When a cute thing knew it had its hooks in someone, it didn’t let go. Mori was one of her besties, but she was also Gigi’s pincushion. An incredible, amazing, talented individual who just so happened to melt when it came to any interaction with Gigi, and so Gigi stuck her full of little pins. Found what made her tick.
Calli was hard. Gigi had the reverse-Midas-touch. It was like discovering she had the ability to turn Tungsten into Candy. Of course she’d abuse that power.
The problem was that it went both ways. Calli was beginning to understand her. Just a little. Calli bites her lip and chews on a thought.
“You’re a little quiet today, Gigi. What’s on your mind?”
Gigi moves her head from side to side. “Mm. Boys kissing each other. People exploding. Mori Calliope. Aliens. Legs. Feet.”
“Oh yeah? Usually you’d just talk about that stuff then, huh?”
“Tired.”
“Long night?”
Calli can feel Gigi twitch, just a bit.
“Not really.”
Calli raises an eyebrow. It was time for the offensive to really begin. Calli had been getting insider information from Kiara. The natural gaydar that Kiara had was tremendous, and she had been spilling the tea to Calli every so often. Autofister. Calli knew there was something going on. Something about those two. It was part of what made it so much easier, and more fun, to accept Gigi’s advances, her aggression. She knew it was all just for fun. But with Cecilia? There was a different energy around them.
“You been hanging with Ceci a lot?”
Gigi pokes Calli’s knee, trying to pass it off as a simple mindless action. A compulsion or a physical stem, and not the nervous response that it was.
“Yeah.”
Gigi had *some* difficulty lying to Mori Calliope, as it turned out.
“Yeah? Staying in the same room?”
Gigi bites Calli’s thigh and Calli lightly flicks Gigi’s side in response. “Hey, I need those; get your gremlin teeth away. I’m taking that as a yes.”
“Yep. Yep yep yep.”
“Mhmm. You two are close, huh?”
“Besties. But I don’t see her the way I see you, Mori Calliope.”
Another eyebrow raise.
“You know, we’re not on stream, Gigi. You can be a little honest, at least. You really love me like that?”
Gigi laughs and puts her hands out in claws, stretching them down to reach Calli’s feet.
“Yesh. I’m going for your feeeet, Mori Calliope.”
Calli shakes her head.
“You want me so bad, huh?” There’s that little huskiness to her voice that Gigi likes, but it makes her pause, because she compares it to the airy, cute, raspy tone that Ceci’s voice takes on sometimes.
“More like the other way around. You want me. They all say it.”
“Uh-huh. They say other things too. They talk a lot, actually. Also if I want you so bad, why don’t you stay the night then? I’d ask that. Since I want you so bad.”
This has Gigi a little shocked. She sits up, rotating herself and throwing her legs across Calli’s lap.
“Yeah? What’s in it for me, Mori Calliope?”
Calli smiles.
“Well, I dunno Gigi. A nice couch to sleep on, a couple of cute cats to keep you company. A tired Mori to make you play horror games.”
Gigi stretches, her fingertips extending past the other end of the couch.
“Mmm. This sounds crazy, but I’m anti-sleeping on couches. I might eat your cats. And I uh… my doctor told me no horror games for the next month or so, or my seizures could come back.”
“So you’re rejecting me, huh Gigi?”
“I’m just playing hard to get. Also you won’t offer me your bed? I can’t sleep with you, Mori Calliope?”
“ ‘Fraid that’s off the table for now, Gigi. Not sure I’m ready for that next step.”
“Ahhhh. Life is a prison. Can’t even… I shan’t say.”
Sidestepped that whole thing. Nice. How Gigi managed to reject Calli and somehow keep it feeling natural, she had no idea. She felt like John Wick, except if John Wick was the dog. Dog Wick. She was a stunt dog, and she just did the sickest backflip, through a ring of fire.
“What’s Ceci up to right now?”
A backflip into a pool of acid.
“Oh. Um. I don’t know. Why don’t you ask her?”
“You’re the one that would know. You guys are like fuwamoco, but different. You miss your cc, huh?”
“Sustained. Objection.”
“I think those are two different things, Gigi.”
“Order in the court.” Gigi lightly pounds Calli’s thigh.
“You want her so bad, Gigi.”
“Buying into the narrative.”
“Well, I am gullible.”
•
•
Things weren’t going much differently for Cecilia. Well… there was one difference.
“It’s Gigi…”
Sora covers her mouth with her hand, letting out a whispered *kyaaaaa*. Both have their phones on the table, translators ready.
“Gigi-chan… you two are dating?”
Cecilia laughs a bit before pursing her lips, typing. “Well, not exactly…”
Sora smiles abashedly before typing, deleting and retyping. It took her a moment to decide on what she wanted to say, it seemed. “But you’ve kissed? Sorry if that’s forward.”
Cecilia puts a hand over her mouth and clutches her stomach, bursting into her airy, raspy laughter. Sora grinned at this and giggled along with her. It was a good thing they were seated outdoors, Ceci thought to herself.
“Umm… We’ve kissed, yes. Sora-chan is very cute for asking that.”
Sora smiles a bit, looking almost confused before her eyes widen and she covers her face with the napkin that was on her lap. When she regains her composure, she types, blushing madly.
“It seems like I’m a little shy about this topic after all. I get flustered about this, but I couldn’t help my curiosity after all. I’m just curious… about love.”
The last few words reverberated through Cecilia like a slap from a wet and icy-cold hand. It has her wanting to do things she probably shouldn’t, like hold Sora’s hand again or pat her on the head. Move closer to her. Sora’s statement was magnetizing. Cecilia was a person who followed her heart though. They all were, she reckoned. That’s why they ended up in this line of work. Following their hearts… it was a way of life for them, to a fault.
“Sora… that’s ok. If it helps… I was curious about it. I still am. I love her. We… if you don’t mind me saying, we slept together.”
Sora tries to play it cool but her jaw drops. Cecilia giggles again at this.
“Ahh! But no details, no details. I won’t disturb you like that, Sora-senpai” Sora laughs and corrects her. Not senpai, just Sora-chan. Cecilia apologizes and continues. “But… yeah. The point is…”
Cecilia pauses and breathes, typing more. Sora waits patiently.
“I’m still young. But I’m an adult now. There’s a lot of life behind me, but a lot of it ahead of me. I used to treat love like a toy in the past. I messed around a little, I learned things. But I didn’t learn about love itself. Now that I’ve finally been learning who I really am and what I want to do, and now that I’ve found someone I think I truly love… well, I want to follow that thread until the end. I want to see what answer lies at the end.”
Sora grips the edge of the table.
“At the… end?”
Cecilia’s eye twitches and she smiles. Her lip almost trembles.
“Yeah. It’s scary.” She laughs a bit before she feels like her chest caves, nearly. She didn’t realize her hand was forming into a ball, and she grabs it with her other hand to steady it. Sora’s eyes soften and she reaches across the table to place a hand on top of Cecilia’s. Ceci exhales.
“Arigatou, Sora-chan. You’re too kind.”
Sora smiles. “Friends. I’m your friend.” She lets Cecilia’s hand go. Cecilia looks at her phone after typing and opens her mouth again, almost pausing.
“It’s scary, following two paths at once. The idol path and also love. It’s a bit contradictory, isn’t it?”
Sora shakes her head. She types madly, biting her tongue in deep focus as she did so. It was cute. When she was finished, she spoke earnestly.
“I don’t think it’s contradictory, Cecilia. Being an idol is about shining brightly for others. Some idols struggle with things internally. Some even hurt themselves or worse. To avoid this, you need to love yourself. And loving yourself means doing what makes you happy and following your heart. Taking big steps is important, and the best time to do it is when you’re shoulder to shoulder with your friends. All of us are taking big steps together. You have a lot that you’re working on, Cecilia. Ahh, but I’m getting sidetracked! You said being an idol and being in love are contradictory? They’re not, and that’s because you shine brighter when you’re in love.”
Sora sits back in her chair, satisfied with her answer.
Cecilia stares at her a little, feeling any possible reply leave her brain. The breeze comes by and all she can think about is what she wants. And there is one answer. It was far away from her at the moment, but not unreachable. Nothing was unreachable.
“You’re amazing, Sora.”
Sora laughs, playing with the rest of her pasta. “Amazing? No. Cecilia is amazing.”
“No, Sora is amazing!”
Sora smirks.
“Cecilia.”
“Sora.”
“Cecilia!”
“Sora!”
They laugh together again before resuming their conversation.
“Cecilia-chan. I’ll be forward. I see something special in you, and the thing is, that’s a personal thing for me. That’s the thing about idols. The fans each have a personal connection to their idols. They get to share in it with each other, however.”
Sora breathes slowly, setting her fork down on her plate and folding her hands together.
“But I’m not like them, in the way that you’re right here in front of me. I can reach out and touch you. It’s… more than I know what to do with. I’m actually relieved you’re taken. I don’t often feel this way about people. But this is a reminder that things don’t always turn out the way you expect.”
There’s a fleeting solitude to Sora’s expression, like the shadow of a bird passing by, and just like that it’s gone again.
“I don’t know, I’m rambling! I’m bad with words. You said you’re scared, Cecilia. I am too. Between you and me… I don’t know what I’m doing. You and I are around the same age, and I actually think you’re further ahead than me in life experience. I want to watch you grow and learn from you.”
Cecilia widens her eyes a bit and laughs, the air nearly leaving her lungs as she does so. Sora? Learn from her? Life was so strange. It was wonderful.
“How about you learn *with* me, Sora? I don’t know what I’m doing either. I’m… I don’t know. I might be an idiot. I'm not sure. Maybe I’m in over my head. Who’s to say? I’m just going to try my best. I need a friend who understands that. You and I have different kinds of experiences. I don’t know if you can learn anything from watching me… but I’m here for you.”
Sora nods her head, maintaining her smile. She doesn’t speak. Cecilia hesitates and then continues.
“Sora… I don’t want there to be a distance between us just because of anything silly. When you say you want to watch me, don’t do it from far away. Okay? Don’t go back to your own world and close the door.”
Sora is taken aback by this. She turns away for a moment and wipes her eye and shakes her head, giggling a bit through her complicated emotions.
“How cruel, Cecilia. Making an idol cry. Hehe.”
Cecilia gets up and walks around the table. Sora twitches a little, looking up through eyes that water further. When Cecilia gestures with her head, a nod towards herself, Sora scoots her chair back and stands up, looking to her feet.
Cecilia wraps her arms around Sora, resting her hands on her back. Again, it astounded Cecilia how small Sora was when things around her were so large. The weight she carried on such a slight back, the feeling of her shoulder blades against Cecilia’s palms a stark reminder of this fragility. Her hands cradled a girl, not some titan of the industry. A young girl who needs love and support.
Sora hugs her back, just barely, her fingers lightly touching Cecilia’s back. That’s how it starts, but Cecilia sways a bit and Sora gives in, resting her chin on Ceci’s shoulder and gripping the back of her shirt.
The glass around Sora was still there, but Cecilia could practically hear the slight cracks spreading through it, and she was hearing it from inside of the bubble that Sora lived within. Standing with Sora, she could feel the atmosphere of Sora’s world again.
She remembered that when she touches someone, words weren’t necessary in that moment. When you hold someone, you can feel almost everything they’re feeling. She wishes it were unexplainable, but it makes perfect sense.
The shifting of Sora’s weight, signifying a lack of confidence. The grip of her fingers - a desire for love. The slow adjustments she makes to the way she held Cecilia - a careful and thoughtful girl who didn’t want to cross the line, but who was becoming a little more comfortable with a friendly touch between them.
Sora’s uneven breath -
Something Cecilia pushed out of her mind.
And Sora was thinking the same thing, at the same moment.
The way Cecilia had crossed over to her and pulled her into a hug… she was so kindhearted. The way she’d been perceived by Cecilia, and somewhat seen through… it was indicative of not only Cecilia’s great empathy, but her intelligence. The way Cecilia held her close, with her hands unwavering and steady… it showed how she sure she was of what she doing, and of how she was touching Sora.
The way she’d told her about Gigi and how she couldn’t cross that line, and yet was still able to happily get lunch with her, have a heartfelt conversation and then comfort her when something had struck her deeply.
The way Cecilia’s hair smelled. Her skin… ahhh. It made her want to do something bad. And that’s why she unclenches her fingers from Cecilia’s shirt and steps away, giving her another smile and a thank you. She was going to go home for the day and have some ice cream, maybe watch a movie. Get some work done and maybe stream later!
But not before walking with Cecilia towards the train station. Oh, but then she had to lead Cecilia through the tunnels and to the right train stop, telling her when the train would arrive.
And then she gets on the train with Cecilia, telling her exactly how many stops it’ll take before hers, and when to get off.
She was a bit worried, but the truth was, she had trouble leaving just yet. She wanted just a little more time with the girl who saw into her heart.
Just a little.
•