Chapter Text
Kim
Kim stared at the keys of his piano as if they held the answers to every question in the cosmos.
It had been so long since he’d sat there… so long since he had touched a piano.
Since… yes, since that night when he had sworn his heart would never beat again.
Kim grimaced. Stabbing his love for Chay on purpose had been one of the most painful and difficult things he had ever done… and until just a few days ago, it had felt irreversible.
But Chay… even drunk and completely lost, had undone all of his hard work in mere minutes.
And Kim… he didn’t know what to feel about that.
He had crushed his own heart to save his mission, but the result had been nothing but darkness.
Since his last mission with the son of the Yakuza family, Kim had been living in robot mode.
Answering only when he had to, singing when he was obligated or committed to it… even music had lost its beauty in his eyes once he had accepted that he would never be worthy of Chay’s love.
But now… Kim sighed, placing his fingers softly on the keys.
Now hope had returned, as beautiful and as painful as the first time.
And with it had come all the feelings he knew he shouldn’t have… all the ones that, for Chay’s own good, he should bury again.
His fingers pressed the keys into a melody that was new, even to him, as he closed his eyes and let himself drown in his memories.
How could he ignore his heart again… when Chay’s hands in his hair and on his back had brought him back to life?
How could he kill his hope again, when Chay had sworn that even if Kim broke his heart ten times… he would still love him?
The melody swelled into a crescendo… marvelous, filled with life and hope… but suddenly it stopped, as the next question struck him.
How could he go on living… missing with all his soul someone who could never be by his side?
Kim lowered his head. No, even worse… how could he let Chay chase after a ghost? Wait for something that was never going to happen?
His fingers trembled over the keys, and to give them something to do, he let them fall again, filling the room with a continuation that was melancholy… almost magical.
No, he couldn’t do that to Chay… but how else could he explain to the boy that they could never be together!?
How could he explain it to his damned heart? The one that kept asking when they would once again hide from the world in the young man’s neck, when they would once again feel peace in his embrace?
Kim grimaced. Not since he was a child had he felt so strongly the desire to be… carried… supported, protected.
He let himself sink deeper into that desire and nostalgia, his fingers now moving faster across the keys.
It was stupid—he knew it. He was the one who had to protect everyone… but he wanted—he longed—to be able, just once, to rest on someone else.
He trembled slightly at the thought of what it would feel like to lean against Chay’s chest, to close his eyes while Chay ran his fingers through his hair… to feel peace… even if only for a second.
A second… Kim felt a tear slide down his cheek and fall to the floor, but he didn’t open his eyes. The melody shifted once again, into something softer… less real… something that belonged to the realm of imagination.
Yes, a second was all he wanted.
A second where he didn’t have to think about the dangers waiting to devour him, a second where he could still hold Chay… kiss his cheek and laugh when Chay complained that only Kim was allowed to kiss him.
One more second… If he couldn’t have a life by his side, if he couldn’t have any of what his heart begged for, could he at least have that? Was he asking for too much?
His mind began to fill with lyrics, lyrics heavy with pain and innocent longing.
Lyrics that belonged to a child who didn’t understand how the world worked… but he didn’t stop them. After all… it had been months since he’d composed anything.
Later he would hate himself for having to sing a reality that would never be his.
Later he would want to burn his notebook, once his illusions were crushed by reality.
But for now… he was going to let his mind wander into that second… the one that would never be his.
Kinn
(Still inside Kim’s memories)
Kinn heard, more than saw, his father approaching the bars. He had no powers or anything of the sort, but Kinn would recognize that slow, steady walk anywhere.
He wrestled with his own mind for a moment. He had to watch… the conversation about to unfold could hold the key to his plans, could reveal his father’s true face in ways he had never seen before.
But on the other hand… he wasn’t sure he could take any more. More pain inflicted on Kim. More injustice. More cruelty.
In his heart, a deep respect took root for Chay. The boy had endured these memories for months and somehow kept his sanity. How had he done it?
“Kimhant.”
The soft voice of his father filling the cell forced Kinn to summon strength from somewhere he was sure he had none left. Trembling, still with his eyes closed, he pushed himself upright.
His pain didn’t matter. His rage mattered even less. All that mattered was gathering every piece of information he could, if it meant freeing Kim.
And if he never came back the same after this night… well, that would be a fair punishment.
Kinn clenched his fists, lifted his head until he was standing straight, drew in a deep breath—then forced his mind to be ready for whatever came, and opened his eyes.
The scene in the cell hadn’t changed much—the only difference was that Kim was no longer pressing his foot against the young man’s neck. His eyes were fixed on Korn, who calmly stepped into the cell and walked toward him, not a shadow of fear on his face.
Kinn watched his father closely. Korn looked exhausted, his eyes glinting with pain, but when he finally spoke, his voice was as calm—and as maddening—as always.
“This young man,” he said, motioning with his hand toward Song, who hadn’t dared step into the cell and only stared at the ground, his body tense, “claimed you would kill his partner if he didn’t come see you.”
His tone betrayed nothing—whether anger or surprise at Kim’s maneuver—but his younger brother didn’t seem concerned with that. Instead, Kim lowered his head, fists clenching, before muttering,
“I… wanted… to ask you, no… to beg you, please let me go find…”
Korn didn’t let him finish. With a simple wave of his hand, he gave a signal.
Lek—whom Kinn hadn’t even noticed until then, too focused on his father and brother—stepped forward, pulling once again that device from his pocket.
A second later, the iron rings bolted to the wall that kept Kim’s chains taut and his arms spread open released their hold, the chains falling slack.
Kinn ran toward Kim almost by instinct as his baby brother collapsed face-first onto the ground, his body trembling from all the strain it had endured.
“Kim… nong,” he whispered, not daring to touch him, while Kim forced himself up onto his hands and knees—just enough to look up at Korn once again.
There was fire in his gaze—anger… even hatred—and Kinn nearly lost his resolve when he saw Kim take a deep breath, clearly forcing himself to play the obedient son, before starting again, teeth clenched, fists tight… but determined to save Kinn.
“I apologize for my… my mistakes, and I beg you to—”
But once more Korn cut him off.
“Enough, Kimhant,” he murmured, and Kim pressed his lips together hard, desperation burning in his eyes, while Korn turned toward his guards.
“Lek, get this young man out of here, and wait for me in my office,” he said, pointing at Alan, who still lay unconscious on the floor.
Kinn noted with grim satisfaction how Lek’s usual arrogant expression darkened.
“Khun Korn… are you certain you want to be alone with—”
“I’m certain, Lek. I’ll call you if I need you,” Korn replied, with more patience and calm than he ever would have granted one of his children had they dared to question him—Kinn was sure of that. But his voice still carried enough authority that the man, though clearly displeased, merely gave the order for Alan to be dragged away by his feet and hauled out of the cell.
For a moment, everything fell silent—Korn standing over Kim, and Kim still on the floor, breathing with some difficulty, radiating anger and defiance even as he forced himself to stay quiet.
At last, Kinn saw Korn sigh and step closer, stopping right in front of Kim, before pulling out and offering a jar of water.
Kinn briefly wondered if his father would be so “brave” as to approach Kim if he didn’t have that magical protection Chay had spoken of on his side. But he set the thought aside when Kim, lips cracked and dry, only shook his head at the gesture.
“I don’t want water… I want to go find Kinn.”
Kinn let out a groan.
“Nong, please! Drink the water… you need it! To hell with me! You matter more!”
He gripped his own arms in despair. Yes—during those long hours of torture, he had wished with all his soul for someone to save him… but he would have preferred weeks more with those men if it meant Kim hadn’t had to endure a single moment of what he was going through now.
Korn sighed, as if asking the heavens for patience—and once again Kinn wanted to strangle him—as he leaned down until he was at Kim’s eye level, those eyes now dark again.
“That’s not going to happen, Kimhant.”
Kim curled his lip in a strange way, twisting his face into an expression of rage Kinn had never seen before.
“Why not?! I already begged, I already apologized! What more do you want? Tell me and I’ll do it!”
Korn shook his head, looking at his youngest son with disappointment.
“I trained you better than this, Kimhant… don’t you see? The problem isn’t what you say… it’s what’s in here.”
He placed his hand on Kim’s chest—over his heart—and Kinn bit down hard on his lip to stop himself from tearing the man’s hand away when Kim flinched.
“What’s in me?… I don’t understand,” the youngest finally murmured, and Kinn trembled when Korn smiled.
“Oh, I think you understood me perfectly, Kimhant.”
Kim furrowed his brow.
“What is it you want? For me to say I’m no longer angry? To treat you like my father again?”
Korn shook his head, and Kim’s eyes burned with fury before he bit his lip and exhaled, his shoulders slumping, at last betraying how exhausted he truly was.
“Fine… I’ll even promise to work for you again… is that enough?”
Kinn tugged at his hair in despair.
“No, Kim! Don’t give him what he wants!”
But both brothers froze when Korn straightened, speaking again.
“No, Kimhant. That’s not what I want.”
Kim glared up at him from the floor, confusion and hatred in his eyes, but Korn spoke before he could say anything.
“I just want you to answer one question.”
Kim narrowed his eyes, forcing himself to stand.
It took him two tries to get fully upright, leaning against one of the cell walls, his wrists still bound in shackles. At last, he looked at his father with determination.
“What’s the question?”
Korn looked at him a moment longer before speaking, his voice soft and cold.
“What is the goal?”
Kinn tilted his head in confusion, while Kim twisted his face into a frown.
“What?” they both asked at once, and Korn stepped closer to his youngest son.
“What is my goal, Kimhant?”
Kim drew a deep breath, clearly trying to order his thoughts, before finally looking at his father.
“You always said it was to protect your family.”
But his tone made it clear he no longer believed that—and Korn didn’t seem inclined to convince him otherwise.
“You’re not a child anymore, Kimhant. Give me a real answer.”
Kim clenched his fists but stayed silent, shutting his eyes before trying again.
“To have the best weapon?”
Kinn growled. It was already unbearable that Korn and his men treated Kim like a thing, but hearing Kim speak of himself that way was far worse. Especially because… he was almost certain that was the very answer his father wanted to hear.
But once again, they were wrong, because Korn only sighed.
“Isn’t that rather arrogant of you, Kimhant? To think all my work revolves around keeping you obedient at my side?”
Kim threw his hands up in desperation.
“That’s what it looks like! Otherwise, why force me to stay here when Kinn is out there?! Can you really deny you’re using this situation to put me back in your grasp?!”
Korn’s brow furrowed.
“I deny it,” he answered—and his voice was so certain that Kinn almost believed his father truly couldn’t see his own sins… until the man continued,
“Did I teach you nothing, Kimhant? I don’t take advantage of a situation… I create it.”
Kinn’s breath caught in his throat as something cold ran down his spine.
What… what had Korn just said?
As if echoing his very thoughts, Kim shook his head and spoke in a broken voice.
“What… what are you saying?… I… I don’t understand.”
Kinn’s heart clenched at hearing his baby brother so lost.
Despite everything he had been forced to endure, Kim had remained strong, unyielding. But it seemed that whatever Korn was admitting now was… too much, even for him.
Korn looked calmly at his son.
“You do understand, Kimhant… you understand more than the others ever could.”
He took another step closer before whispering,
“Only you’re still clinging to an illusion that someone smarter than you would have let go of long ago.”
Kim shook his head violently.
“No… you… you wouldn’t do that to Kinn… you wouldn’t… no…”
His legs gave out, and he collapsed onto one of the stones that bound him prisoner.
Kinn wasn’t doing any better… but, surprisingly, he was so outraged for Kim… so worried for him, that all his focus was there.
And the fact that he had been betrayed in such a vile way by the very one who should have protected him—he only felt it distantly… his love and pain for Kim eclipsing it.
A part of him was trembling with fear and rage… a part of him was still screaming as the torture replayed in his mind again and again.
But that pain was nothing compared to what he felt now, watching Kim shake, staring at their father with disbelief and terror.
Nothing at all.
“You…”
He murmured, but Korn cut him off.
“I do whatever it takes to reach my goal, no matter how painful it is… and your mistake was forgetting that.”
Kinn dropped to his knees beside his baby brother, his heart shattering as Kim’s eyes shifted from black to green, blazing with fury.
“You damn monster! He’s your son! How… how can you..? Ahh!”
Kinn flinched as Kim slammed his fist against the stone he sat on, making it tremble—and reopening the wounds on his wrists until they bled again.
“Nong!” he cried. Wasn’t it enough that everyone seemed determined to hurt him? Did Kim have to add to it himself?
But Kim didn’t even look at his injuries. His green eyes stayed locked on Korn, who only shook his head.
“I understand your reaction, Kimhant. It must be easier to call me a monster than to accept that it was you who drove me to this.”
Kim froze, his lip trembling violently, his green eyes filling with tears… which only made them look unjustly, achingly more beautiful.
“I… no… no! This isn’t… this isn’t my fault… no…”
Korn raised a brow.
“No? How many times did I summon you, Kimhant? How many times have you ignored my orders this past month?”
Kim pushed himself to his feet, trembling, but steady.
“You killed Allie! You chained me with magic! What the hell did you expect?! A hug?!”
Kinn glared at his father with hatred. Yes… what had he expected? That Kim would stay by his side? That he wouldn’t hate him after everything he had done?
Korn narrowed his eyes.
“I expected your hatred, Kimhant. But I did not expect you to put your pain above your love for your brothers.”
Kim staggered, his eyes widening.
“I… I didn’t do that… no… I never… I love my brothers!”
Kinn let out a broken sound, shutting his eyes.
How he had longed to hear those words… for years he had dreamed of restoring his bond with Kim… of hearing from his lips that he did not hate him.
But now… hearing his voice crack, full of guilt and pain… he wished, with the same intensity, that his baby did hate him, that he would laugh in Korn’s face and say he didn’t care what happened to his brothers—that he would never be controlled again.
Yes… he would gladly accept hatred over seeing Kim in chains… chains that bore his own name.
“And yet… you let your pain put Kinn in danger.”
Kinn felt like he was losing his mind, watching his father wield his name like a sharpened knife against Kim, who let out a strangled sob, staring at the floor and shaking his head.
“Do you still deny it?” Korn went on. “Will you deny that, deep down, you knew what I was capable of—but chose to ignore it, all for the sake of your wounded pride?”
Kim pressed his hands over his ears, still shaking his head fiercely, eyes squeezed shut—and Kinn couldn’t take it anymore.
“Leave him alone! Stop confusing him! This… none of this is his fault!”
He shouted in rage… and then let out another scream, just as furious, when he remembered that his words reached neither of the two men in the cell… when he remembered that he could scream until his throat tore, and no one would hear him.
No, he wasn’t there… he was outside, wishing his dad would save him… and that his brother wouldn’t hate him.
Could life be any more ironic?
To have longed for what he had always had, and sworn to possess what had never been his?
“I… I didn’t know,” Kim murmured, and a pearl fell onto the floor of the cell—one that made Kinn’s chest ache with sharp pain. But before he could even worry, Kim continued,
“How could I have guessed you’re devoid of love? That your children… your family mean nothing to you?!”
For the first time, Korn’s eyes burned with fury… and… no—were those tears?!
Kinn watched, sick to his stomach, as his father’s mask of calm slipped away and he glared at Kim with rage.
“That’s what you believe? That I don’t love Kinn? You… you’ll never know all the sacrifices I’ve had to make in your name!”
Kim’s eyes widened, fury sparking—yet a certain clarity flickered back into his gaze.
“In my name? No, in yours! In your desire to have the best weapon, to be the most powerful family! This is all your work! Your handiwork… you can’t pin it on me!”
Korn stepped forward, and Kinn instinctively moved to stand in front of Kim. Never… never had he seen Korn so unhinged!
“It was always in your hands to prevent all this, Kimhant! All you had to do was follow my orders! But no! The boy didn’t want to swim, didn’t want to train, didn’t want to obey!” Korn pressed his hands together, his knuckles turning white. “You’ve shown me my true strength, forcing me again and again to act with a coldness I never thought I had.”
Kim stared at his father, confused and afraid.
“What… what else did you do? Who else… what else have you done?!”
Korn straightened to his full height, his eyes flashing with pain, tears running down his cheeks… tears that did nothing to stir Kinn’s heart.
“I did what you forced me to do! Do you think it was easy? Do you think I’ve slept at all this week? Watching the videos of what Kinn suffered? How he screamed for help? How he begged not to be hurt anymore?!”
Kinn didn’t know at what point he stopped seeing what was around him, when his mind filled with scenes he wished he would never have to remember again.
The wooden chair… the chains around his arms and wrists… the gag, soaked with tears and saliva, his throat burning as yet another damned scream tore out of him… and at the end… the pain, rushing from the tips of his toes to his head, swelling like a wave each time one of his nails was ripped out… or a knife cut through his torn skin.
Again, he felt the dizziness he had suffered back then… bile rising in his throat from lack of food… and finally his eyes… heavy, weary… on the verge of surrendering.
But this time… he thought he saw something more… he thought he saw his father in the distance, seated in front of a computer, watching everything… without lifting a finger to stop it.
The same man he had screamed for in delirium and pain, begging him to come save him.
A low, hissing sound pulled him out of his memories, dragging him back into Kim’s… back to the torture his brother had endured.
Almost as if in a trance, he saw Kim hurl himself at Korn.
It took him a few seconds to understand what was happening… just long enough that when he shouted at Kim not to do it… his baby was already on the ground… a scream of agony breaking from his throat, his whole body convulsing in pain.
The magic unfolding before his eyes… everything Chay had said.
Kim truly could not attack Korn… he could not lift his hand against his father… no matter how much he wanted to.
Kinn no longer felt the strength to do anything… except drag himself to Kim’s body and simply stay by his side, while his brother breathed deeply, trying to calm the tremors running through his body, still tangled in his own chains, his face wet with stress and tears that had pooled around him, even as his eyes remained tightly shut.
When Korn approached Kim, Kinn didn’t even lift his gaze—and Kim even less so. It was as if neither son had the strength left to fight their father.
“I won’t hold that against you, because I know firsthand how hard it is to watch your family suffer,”
Korn murmured, but Kim still didn’t look at him.
Kinn, on the other hand, couldn’t help but let out a broken laugh.
Firsthand? How could their father even dare to place himself on the same level as Kim?
His baby brother had done the impossible just to reach him, even while bound and injured, his only concern being Kinn’s well-being… while their father…
Kinn shook his head and, almost without realizing it, lay down beside his brother, unable to tear his eyes from him. The love he was receiving was too much to put into words.
He supposed he should feel shattered, seeing that his own parent had not even the smallest trace of love for him… but the truth was, the love he now knew Kim had carried for him… covered and surpassed any need or desire for familial love he had ever felt.
Standing tall, Korn sighed, running a hand through his hair as if fighting to compose himself. When he spoke again, his voice was once more that chilling calm he always wore.
“Kinn has already been rescued, and in a few hours he’ll arrive here at the mansion.”
Kinn growled when he saw Kim blink weakly before turning his gaze toward their father.
It was as if Korn always knew exactly what to say to draw some reaction from the younger, who only managed to raise a brow with effort.
“Kinn… has already been rescued?”
Kinn understood his confusion and doubt. At this point, he himself had expected their father to demand something of Kim—to force him to pay a price for Kinn’s freedom. But it seemed the game went far beyond anything either of them had imagined.
From the look of disdain in Kim’s eyes, his brother thought the same, but Korn still wasn’t looking at him.
“I know my methods haven’t been clean or good… and in many cases, they’ve been the most painful. But… they’ve worked,” he said, before turning to look at Kim with possession in his eyes. “I have you.”
Kinn felt his rage was about to make him explode.
“He’s not an object! He’s not yours!”
But Kim said nothing. He just kept staring at Korn, who let out a snort.
“Everything was going well, Kimhant… until you decided to defy me… to test me. Well,” he spread his arms, “this is my answer to you.”
The chains around Kim’s wrists fell to the ground, making him jump in surprise. Then, the cell door opened.
Kinn’s breathing quickened… what the hell was Korn playing at?!
As if he could hear his desperate thoughts, Korn approached Kim and pulled an airplane ticket from his jacket pocket.
“It’s in your name, and it leaves in two hours… you can fly south, and dive into the sea… just like you’ve always wanted. You never have to come back again.”
Kim’s eyes went wide… and Kinn’s heart sank when he saw him shake his head, completely lost.
“But… no… I don’t—”
Korn tilted his head.
“You don’t what, Kimhant? Haven’t you wanted to see the sea since you were a child? Don’t you hate that I never let you go? Well, here’s salvation—you’re free to leave.”
Kim blinked.
“No… but Kinn and Tankhun… they—”
Korn smiled. He smiled! And Kinn bit down on his lip so hard it nearly split.
“Ah yes… your brothers. You see, Kimhant, a weapon tied down is of no use to me. It’s no use if you only act when you want to save them. What happened here was just the proof I gave you of what I can do… if you defy me again...if you leave”
Kinn yanked at his hair with force.
“You damn psychopath! Leave him alone!”
Kim, on his side, clenched his fists tight, a glimmer of his old tenacity flashing again in his green eyes.
“You’re not going to kill Kinn… he’s your heir.”
Korn nodded with terrifying calm.
“That’s true, I need Kinn… but not Tankhun.”
For the first time, both brothers reacted the same way—fists clenched, a growl rising from their throats, eyes burning with fury.
“Tankhun is off limits!” Kim shouted, and Korn lifted his shoulders with elegance.
“That’s not for me to decide, Kimhant, it’s for you. Take this,” he said, stepping closer and offering the ticket once again. “And don’t look back. Leave the fate of your two brothers in my hands, and be free… it’s the last time I’ll offer it to you.”
Kinn felt tears start running down his cheeks again as he saw that Kim didn’t even glance at the ticket—at what could have been his salvation and freedom—and instead kept his gaze full of hatred fixed on Korn.
“Kinn will never let you touch Tankhun, never! If he knew the truth… the whole truth… he—”
But Korn didn’t let him finish.
“Who will tell him? You? The same one who, just days ago, called him a ‘stupid fool who only wants papa’s approval’? Do you think he’ll believe you?”
Kim swallowed hard, the fire in his eyes flickering for a moment.
“I… Kinn would know that—”
But Korn shook his head.
“You’ll tell him the whole truth? That you’re only half human? That you’ve been lying to him for years? That you’re not even brothers by both father and mother? Why would he believe you, if you couldn’t even save his mother?”
Kinn shot to his feet, his body trembling with rage and helplessness.
“That wasn’t his fault! He’s my brother! And I would have believed him!”
But his mind immediately began to torture him.
Would he have believed him? Would he have been able to see things clearly? Would he have accepted Kim’s words over his father’s?
Kinn closed his eyes, overwhelmed with anguish. Yes… yes, he would have! … right?
Kinn let his face fall into his hands… this wasn’t fair!
Kim had no real choice here! If he left… Tankhun would die, but if he stayed…
“I told you many times, Kimhant,” Korn whispered, his voice full of both pain and triumph. “You cannot have everything you desire in this life.”
Kinn lifted his gaze just in time to catch a flicker of longing in his father’s eyes, as Korn kept them fixed on Kim.
“Do you think I wouldn’t have loved to have a happy family? To not be alone? For your brothers not to know pain?” Korn paused, drawing in a breath and closing his eyes before continuing, steady but with a trace of weariness. “But I couldn’t have that and fulfill my plan. I saw both paths, and I made a choice—for life. Now it’s your turn.”
Kinn looked at his brother, pale and trembling, still kneeling on the floor—even though the chains, at least the physical ones, had long since fallen away.
He watched him glance at the ticket. Once. Only once. Then squeeze his eyes shut and shake his head.
Kinn wanted to wake up immediately. He couldn’t stand it, he couldn’t stand to see his father strip away his babe’s freedom… no, worse! To see Kim surrender his only escape from that hell, in the name of him and Tankhun.
Through his tear-filled eyes, he drew closer to Kim, taking in the delicate and beautiful features of his young, weary face.
Kim was so talented, so beautiful… he should have had a bright, happy, free future!
Even knowing it was useless, he couldn’t keep silent.
“Kim… Kim, think of yourself, yes? Just this once… just this one time! I don’t matter! And phi Tankhun…” his voice broke. There it was, wasn’t it? The core of it all. How could they gamble with his brother’s life?
Yes, it was useless. In Kim’s place, he would have done the same. Even if it tore his soul in two.
“I will stay here,” Kim murmured.
And Kinn let out a sob. Yes… he already knew what Kim would say, and in a way, he couldn’t be prouder of his baby brother. But… oh, how it hurt to watch him choose the chains.
Korn didn’t smile, didn’t shout in victory—in fact, he only narrowed his eyes and took a step toward his son.
“Do you understand what you’re saying, Kimhant?” he asked, but kept speaking before Kim could answer. “I will no longer tolerate your rebellion or your refusals. If you stay… you do so with full knowledge of the consequences of your mistakes.”
Kim stared at his father for a long moment before struggling to get to his feet. Kinn bit his injured lip, helpless, unable to aid him.
When he finally managed it, though he was still breathing hard and barely able to remain standing, his younger brother lifted those cold green eyes, full of determination, back to their father.
“I will stay here and be your weapon—without questions, without complaints. I’ll do whatever you ask. Long ago I should have understood that you would never treat me as a son, and the truth is… I no longer desire it. Not anymore.”
Kim drew a deep breath, fists clenched, hatred once more burning in his gaze as he raised an accusing finger toward his father.
“I will obey every order. But if at any moment I fail, as could happen to anyone, you will never again take it out on my brothers! What happened here will never happen again. If you’re angry, take it out on me. I’ll bear every punishment, every impossible mission you can come up with, in silence… but you will leave them alone.”
Kinn shook his head fiercely.
“No, Nong! You can’t… you can’t…”
His voice died when Korn smiled, victory gleaming in his eyes, as he nodded.
“I am fair, Kimhant. You never rebel again, and I will never again have to wound us both through your brothers.”
Kim closed his eyes—relief, relief!—clear in the posture of his shoulders, as if this ending was the most important thing to him! As if he hadn’t just sold his soul to the devil.
Because yes, there could be no other being with whom Kinn could compare the man standing before them, still smiling as he chained his son once more to him.
Kinn had never felt so much hatred and pain at the same time in his entire life, never… and he doubted he ever would again.
In the end, no one could wound them the way their father already had.
And when everything began to darken around him, Kinn sobbed with relief… and then with guilt.
He couldn’t bear those memories any longer… but for Kim, one day, that had been reality.
A reality Kinn had not protected him from.
Porsche
Porsche rocked his unconscious boyfriend’s body in his lap for what felt like the hundredth time, whispering his lullaby of lies under his breath.
“Everything’s okay, Kinn… everything’s okay.”
Even as he felt like the biggest liar in the world.
Because how could everything be okay?!
Kinn was drenched in sweat, his lip split open from biting down on it so hard, blood still running over his teeth and chin—even though Porsche had wiped it away more times than he could count. His face was soaked in tears, his whole body trembling.
No… nothing was okay. Not at all.
Another soft groan slipped from Kinn’s lips as he shook his head, and Porsche held him tighter against him. Fuck! He hated this—hated seeing the people he loved suffer while he couldn’t do a damn thing to stop it.
…And surely that was what was killing Kinn, too. Watching his younger brother suffer, without being able to lift a single finger to help. After all, Kinn had called his brother’s name so many times by now that everyone in the room was out of guesses.
Vegas and Macau had kept their distance, but Porsche had felt their worried glances more than once. Chay had stayed by his side for a while, trying to calm him, but in the end he too had fallen silent—surely tormented by the endless questions spinning through all their minds every time Kinn cried or muttered something half-coherent.
Porsche had forced himself not to try waking him. Partly because he knew it wasn’t his right—Kinn had chosen freely to see Kim’s memories, and Porsche had to respect that. And partly because it probably wouldn’t work anyway—Chay had already said that even when he had begged with all his strength to wake up, the potion hadn’t let him go until he had seen everything he was meant to see.
But the strongest reason? The one Porsche was ashamed to admit?
He was afraid. Afraid of the man he was going to receive when Kinn finally woke up.
Would his boyfriend be so depressed, so weighed down with guilt, that they wouldn’t be able to lift him from the bed again? Would Kinn keep closing himself off more and more, until not even Porsche could break down the walls he’d built around his heart?
Porsche bit his lip, looking down at his boyfriend’s face pressed to his chest, his expression twisted with rage and pain. Other doubts clawed at him.
Would Kinn be so consumed by anger that he wouldn’t listen to anyone once he opened his eyes? Would he want to solve everything with his fists, right here and now? Would they have to restrain him by force?
Or… or maybe… Porsche swallowed hard, closing his eyes as a new image filled his mind. Maybe Kinn would wake thirsty for blood and vengeance, devoured by that desire. And it wasn’t that Porsche couldn’t understand why—his boyfriend had every reason in the world! But… would Kinn’s good and gentle heart be lost in the midst of his hatred? Would he change so much that Porsche wouldn’t even recognize him anymore?
Out of the corner of his eye, he looked at Chay, who was leaning back against the headboard, eyes closed, but with fists clenched tight, giving away that he wasn’t asleep.
Yes, if Chay… his sweet nong, the purest soul he had ever seen, now carried a gaze filled with anger and pain, fury radiating from him every time Korn’s name was even mentioned… what would become of Kinn? Kinn, who hated being born into the mafia but had been hardened by it? What changes would those memories bring to his tender, romantic, slightly silly boyfriend?
Porsche shook his head, annoyed with himself. He had to stop thinking about everything that could go wrong. Even if those scenarios came to pass, he would be at Kinn’s side… helping him in his revenge… but not letting his soul be consumed by it.
And, looking again at his brother, his hand caressing his boyfriend’s hair, he promised himself he wouldn’t let Chay lose his good and kind heart either… he couldn’t allow that.
Just then, Kinn’s body jolted so hard that everyone in the room turned to look.
“Did he wake up?”
Chay asked, his voice anxious and worn out, but Porsche, after checking his boyfriend’s face, shook his head.
“No… looks like he’s still trapped in the memories.”
Macau, who had stood up, dropped back onto the couch, Vegas returned to his work, and Chay… Chay gave the bed a little punch.
“Fuck… waiting from this side is horrible.”
Porsche was far too exhausted to scold him for the curse, so he just held out a hand, and Chay took it immediately.
“Everything will be… maybe not very well,” he finished, remembering he had promised not to lie anymore, and Chay let out a small, broken laugh, shaking his head.
“Hia… sometimes it’s okay to lie,” he murmured, and Porsche nodded… yes, sometimes one should say everything would turn out fine, even if no light could yet be seen at the end of the tunnel.
Chay stopped laughing when another tear rolled down Kinn’s face, his own expression darkening, and Porsche squeezed his hand gently.
“Nong, maybe things aren’t going very well right now, but they will get better, and that’s not a lie.”
Chay sighed, his eyes shining a little.
“No, hia… no one can change Kim’s past… no one can erase everything he’s suffered, no matter how much I want to…”
Porsche settled Kinn onto the bed so he could turn toward Chay.
“Nong,” he said, his tone both firm and gentle, “no one can change his past, that’s true. But by seeing his memories, you gave all of us the chance not only to change his future, but to include him in ours. If you ask me, what he needs is to leave that past behind and receive in his future everything that was taken from him, don’t you think?”
Chay looked at him with tearful, angry eyes.
“But… but what happened to him wasn’t fair, hia!”
Porsche shook his head.
“No, it wasn’t fair, Chay. But if we stay staring at the pain of the past, we’ll force it to accompany us for the rest of our lives—when it was only meant to be with us for a part of it.”
Chay opened his mouth, then closed it again, frowning as he tried to put his thoughts in order, before finally answering.
“But… but we have to make justice… he has to pay… Korn has to pay.”
Porsche nodded with vehemence.
“Of course, Chay! And we’ll all do everything in our power to make it happen,” he exclaimed, before leaning closer to his younger brother and placing a hand on his face. “But we have to be careful not to lose our essence in the process. Otherwise, even if we win, we’ll have lost the chance to be happy with our victory. Do you understand?”
Chay looked at him intently, and Porsche could see emotions swimming and churning fiercely in his dark eyes, until at last the young man sighed, looking down at their joined hands.
“Not really… to be honest.”
Porsche smiled a little.
That was fine—he didn’t even understand where this strange wisdom came from whenever he spoke to Chay, but he trusted that his younger brother would understand in time.
“Don’t worry, nong. I raised you. I know you’ll understand eventually.”
Chay froze at that, before glancing up at Porsche with a guilty little face.
“What is it?” Porsche asked, and Chay swallowed hard before looking down at his hands.
“I… I just wanted to say that… that when I said… well, you know… when I said back at the mansion… that thingaboutyounotbeingmydad—I didn’t mean it!”
Porsche blinked, confused.
“What?”
Chay took a deep breath, his cheeks turning red as he fixed all his concentration on the bed.
“That… when I said that you’re not my dad… I didn’t mean it!” he finally blurted out, and Porsche forgot to breathe for a second—a second Chay seemed to misinterpret.
“I mean! I know biologically you’re not! Of course I know that! But… well, I… I really do respect you as if… what I’m trying to say is that I… that I…”
Porsche would’ve called anyone insane if they’d told him he’d end up laughing that night—and then sent them straight to the asylum!
But here he was, laughing hard at the sight of Chay blushing furiously, trying to tell him he loved him. Oh, the wonders of being a teenager—embarrassed by everything!
“Stop laughing!” Chay exclaimed, throwing a pillow at his face, but Porsche dodged it and threw himself on top of his brother, wrapping him in his arms.
“Hia! You’re heavy as hell!”
Porsche only laughed more, pinning Chay down with him.
“I don’t even know why I worry, nong! You’re still just as sweet and adorable as when you were little.”
Chay huffed in indignation.
“I’m not a—”
But Porsche didn’t let him finish, hugging him tighter.
“I love you too, Chay. So much. You’ll always be my little baby.”
Chay stopped struggling in his arms, frozen for a moment before wrapping his own arms around Porsche’s back.
“Yeah… whatever,” he muttered in a muffled voice, and Porsche smiled, turning his eyes back to Kinn, who was still sleeping beside them with determination.
“I swear to you, Kinn… one day you’ll be able to hold your younger brother too… I swear, one day you’ll share in my happiness.”
Kinn
This time, Kinn embraced the darkness that surrounded him. It no longer stressed him, no longer weighed on him. No… now he knew there were things far more horrible than complete silence and solitude.
He wanted to cry… to tear the sadness and despair out of himself somehow, but his eyes seemed to have given up, as if he no longer even had the strength to shed tears.
Kim… his baby brother had lived years in loneliness and pain, forced to work for their father, to endure rejection and misunderstandings from the very same people he had sacrificed himself for… all while keeping his head down, pretending he didn’t care.
And Kinn hadn’t seen it! No, He had preferred to believe a vile man who dared to call himself their father… he had left his baby alone, in Korn’s hands.
He brought a hand to his mouth, trying to muffle the sounds tearing out of his throat, but in the end, he just let them go.
What did pride or the appearance of strength matter anymore? What did it matter if someone heard him?!
The moment he stopped covering his mouth, the scream ripped out of him, almost expelled from within.
Kinn fell to his knees, his sobs shaking him violently, even if no tears came to his eyes anymore.
When the light around him began to drive away the shadows, he shook his head fiercely.
“No… no more… I don’t want to see anymore,” he sobbed, exhausted, feeling incapable of watching more of his brother’s suffering.
But just as he had ignored Kim, the potion ignored him—conjuring before his eyes a room he recognized instantly.
It was the hospital wing room where he had woken after being rescued from his kidnapping.
Kinn sighed in relief when he saw that there was no one else in the room—only a younger version of himself, lying on the hospital bed, completely unconscious.
By now it was truly stupid to expect this memory to be a good one—it was!… but Kinn couldn’t help clinging to that tiny hope with all his strength. Stumbling to his feet, he slowly approached the bed.
He grimaced at the sight of the state he had been in at that time. No wonder Tankhun had to be sedated when he saw him for the first time!
His face was pale and emaciated, his lips split in more than three places, one of his eyes almost green… though he was certain at some point it had been purple. His chest was wrapped in bandages, and his feet… Kinn trembled slightly as he saw up close the raw flesh of his toes, nails missing, covered in whatever ointments the doctors had managed to find.
Kinn winced, yes—he really had been left worse than…
The door behind him opened softly, and his breath froze. Oh God!
He had asked, upon waking, if his brothers had come to visit him while he was unconscious, and they had told him only Tankhun had gone—and that, seeing him in such a state, they had been forced to sedate him and take him away.
No one had given him any explanation about Kim… and he had assumed his brother hadn’t cared enough to come and see if Kinn had survived. But now… Kinn trembled, certain that if he turned around, he would find his baby brother standing in the doorway of his hospital room, in the middle of the night, alone, with no one knowing he was there.
Kinn didn’t move, didn’t turn, paralyzed with fear… and not even sure of the reason.
Was it fear of the guilt he would feel if he was right? If he understood that once again, he had played Kim wrong?
Or was it really fear that it wasn’t Kim? That his brother, though he had sacrificed himself for them, might deep down still hate him?
The slow, weak footsteps behind him made him waver, but still he didn’t turn… he couldn’t. He kept his gaze fixed on his younger self, until a new shadow fell over the unconscious body.
Kinn took a deep breath—he couldn’t be such a coward! He had to look to his side and put his doubts to rest!
But before he could do it, a small voice filled the room… one that made him groan in relief and in pain all at once.
“Hia… oh God, hia,” Kim murmured, his voice so far, so far from the one he always used, the one where it seemed he couldn’t care less if someone pointed a gun at him or kissed him.
No—this was the voice Kinn had heard when they were children… when Kim still felt safe with him.
“I… I never thought he could… that he would ever hurt you… I…” Kim bit his lip hard, and Kinn only nodded softly, walking toward him.
There was no need to say who “he” was—it was clear now. Just as Kim had never imagined Korn could hurt Kinn… Kinn had never imagined their father could ever sink his filthy claws into his baby brother.
Both brothers stood gazing at the unconscious body of the younger Kinn… both finally understanding just how far their father’s lies had blinded them to the reality they lived in.
At last, Kim broke the silence, leaning slightly closer to Kinn’s sleeping face.
“I swear to you, phi… this will never happen again. I… I’ll never fail you again, I swear it.”
Kinn closed his eyes—and apparently, he did still have tears left in him, because they ran down his cheeks. But for some reason, hearing Kim gave him a strength he hadn’t felt until then.
His baby thought he had failed Kinn, and nothing could be further from the truth! The only one guilty here was Korn!
But… if Kim, even carrying all that guilt—unjustly!—could swear never to fail again, could swear to try to protect once more… then couldn’t he do the same?
Couldn’t he take all his pain and guilt and turn them into fuel? Into what would drive him never to fail his baby brother again?
Kinn straightened, the pain hadn’t vanished, the rage still burned, the thirst for vengeance still consumed him… but now it had a direction, a purpose.
He looked at his little brother, still gently caressing the unconscious Kinn’s face, and leaned toward him.
It didn’t matter if Kim couldn’t hear him, if he never found out—Kinn spoke anyway.
“I swear to you too, Kim… never again will you be ignored, never again will I be blind to your reality.” Kinn clenched his fists tightly before finishing, “I swear I’ll give back the freedom you sacrificed for me… I swear it.”
Kim, of course, didn’t hear him, but he did stop caressing the unconscious Kinn’s hair, straightening up before whispering,
“I… I’m leaving the house. I can’t… I can’t see you every day after knowing everything I put you through… I can’t.”
Kinn’s mouth fell open in shock… That was the reason?! Guilt? A guilt Kim should never have carried?!
But the younger one had only just begun. Kim carefully took Kinn’s hand and placed it against his chest. and as he did so, the sleeve of his left arm slid down, revealing his still-injured wrist, the skin raw and red. But there was something else—a strange bracelet Kinn had never seen him wear before. It was black, with a thin line of metal. Kinn frowned. Why would his brother put on a bracelet when his skin wasn’t healed yet? However, when Kim began to speak again, he completely forgot his question.
“But don’t worry, hia, I’ll still take care of you and phi Tankhun… no… I’m not abandoning you… I really am not. I just… I can’t… I can’t stay here anymore…” Kim closed his eyes, biting his lip as he pressed the unconscious Kinn’s hand against his cheek. And Kinn thought he might die right then and there from the tenderness and the pain when he heard his brother’s next words.
“Please… please don’t hate me… don’t hate me for this.”
“I’ve never hated you, Kim… never!.”
Kinn cried out, desperate from not being able to speak directly to Kim, who only let out a broken laugh.
“But if you do… I won’t blame you. I just wish… I wish I could tell you the truth… I wish I could explain what happened. But it’ll have to be like this… until I can save you both from him.”
Kinn had to close his eyes, trying to steady his mind and stop himself from going mad and throwing his arms around Kim right then and there.
So that was it? That had been the moment that allowed him to see his baby brother’s memories? When Kim had wished, even for a second, that Kinn could understand why he was leaving?
When he had been willing to not even get angry if they hated him unjustly, so long as the people he loved were safe?
A small, almost inaudible whimper forced Kinn to open his eyes again. Kim had already let go of the unconscious Kinn’s hand, now only gathering up his tears—his pearls—before glancing one last time at Kinn, eyes full of pain.
“G… goodbye, hia,” he murmured, voice shattered, before visibly forcing himself to leave the room.
Kinn remained standing there, watching as his brother’s silhouette disappeared through the bedroom door, and as everything around him began to fade into darkness.
Yes, maybe Kim had said his farewell at that moment, but for Kinn, it was only the beginning.
The beginning of his war—for his brother’s freedom, for justice, and to make every single person who had ever laid a hand on Kim pay ten times over for the pain they had caused.
He knew he would surely wake up restrained, Vegas and Porsche certain he would lose his mind, but Kinn was in control of himself… or maybe it was his vengeance that was in control.
Well, it no longer mattered. He would pay whatever price had to be paid, do whatever had to be done, so long as it meant giving Kim his life back.
The last thing he saw was a small pearl his brother had missed, caught in the sheets—a clear testimony of the pain Kinn was now determined to change. Before finally opening his eyes in reality, and seeing his lover’s face by his side.
Yes… at last, he had returned to his reality.
Ready to change it.
Kim
Kim stared at the pages filled with scribbles and messy words in his hands, unsure whether to smile with pride at his new creation… or throw himself off the balcony of his apartment for being such a masochist.
Oh, his musician’s side was leaping with joy—he had done it… he had found enough light within himself to write again, to tell a dream, a wish that people could relate to. Wasn’t that why he’d started his music career in the first place? Trying to honor what Allie had taught him? Her desire for everyone to be able to see themselves in at least one verse of her poems?
But… his heart sank deeper with every reread of the lyrics he had created that night.
He glanced at the clock on the wall—it was already past 2 a.m. Kim grimaced, knowing he was going to pay dearly the next morning for not having slept.
After all, he was supposed to be preparing for the long list of missions and trips his father had piled onto him at their last meeting.
Yes, he should be resting to be more than ready to go after the young Yakuza his father wanted under control—to hand him back to his family and strengthen the bond between both houses. He should be studying maps and arranging flights for the following month, or at the very least, trying to figure out what his father’s plan really was, why the old man wanted to tighten every single alliance.
But… that night he had chosen to dedicate it to Chay—or rather, to his memory.
He had allowed his longing to be close to the boy, even if just one more time, to guide him in writing those lyrics… to finish the melody that had been haunting him for hours. And now… he had it. All that was left was to hear it.
He placed the strange, messy sheets of music on the piano stand before sitting down and staring at them intently.
He took a deep breath—if he was going to sing, he had to make sure he didn’t burst into tears while doing it!. Kim grimaced.
Oh, why had he written that song!?
His heart spoke to him, timid but filled with hope:
“Just this once… can we forget why it’s impossible? Can we forget tomorrow and reality? Just this once… can we just dream?”
His eyes burned. Oh, the fall back into reality afterward was going to hurt… it was going to hurt too much. But… but he also wanted to dream without fear, to imagine without acknowledging that what he wished for would never be real… to sing without thinking, simply letting the love he had locked away spill free—at least for that night.
He nodded, looking at the sheet music and placing his hands on the piano.
Just one second, just one breath,
A single heartbeat free from fear and death.
Just one second in your arms, my rest,
And for that moment I would live again.
One small second is all I ask of fate—
One where I can lay my face on the rhythm of your heart’s weight.
Kim shook his head—he could almost feel it, almost believe that if he leaned his head, he might touch Chay’s chest, lose himself in his warmth and scent, relax while listening to the strong beat of his heart… living proof that no one had taken him away yet, that no one had destroyed that being of light who owned his love without even knowing it.
He forced his eyes to the final verse, continuing purely by willpower, tears once again sliding down his face, but his voice still clear and soft, ending with the determination to dream awake, to long for what would never be his.
And it wouldn’t matter if you failed to see,
If your drunken eyes didn’t recognize me.
I care so little if my name fades away—
Isn’t it enough that I think of you each day?
For me it’s enough to hear your voice unwind,
That fleeting second, a joy I find:
Where danger is gone, the world erased,
And only your smile brings me peace, embraced.
Kim sang the last note, and then—silence. A silence that nearly crushed him, but he shook his head firmly.
No! He wasn’t ready yet—not to stop dreaming, not to stop seeing Chay’s kind, smiling face… he still wanted one more second… just… just one more.
Chay
Chay gazed at the lake before him, watching how the rising sun bathed it in its rays, making it look as if liquid gold ran across its waters. Yet despite the beauty before his eyes, his mind remained trapped in everything that had happened the night before.
He could count on one hand the times in his life he had stayed awake through the night… but none had been as tense and filled with revelations as the one he had just lived.
He knelt by the lake, dipping his hand into the cold water and moving it from side to side, creating little waves as he reflected. How had they even gotten here?
Chay grimaced. They had ended up talking about new plans to overthrow Korn, because Kinn had awoken from the memories with so much information… and so many tears. That only happened because Chay had been willing to give him a drop of his potion—something that never would have happened if he hadn’t already confessed the truth to everyone. And what had led him to that? Well, it had been trusting his older brother a few days earlier, revealing all the secrets he had been hiding.
But even that had an origin. After all, he never would have spoken to Porsche if he hadn’t run into him when he was drunk! And he wouldn’t have been drunk if he hadn’t gone searching for Kim… and he wouldn’t have gone searching for Kim if he hadn’t decided from the very beginning to drink that potion, to see the young man’s memories…
And he had seen them because—Chay sighed, pulling his hand out of the lake and rising to his feet—because no matter how angry he had been with Kim… he had never stopped loving him.
Chay shook his head. Good heavens, could he ever have imagined what his stubbornness would lead to, what it would unleash?
The answer was simple—no. He never could have imagined it. But he didn’t regret a thing… not a single thing.
He didn’t regret having cried over the musician for months, and still doing so, even if the reasons had changed.
He didn’t regret going to the carnival that Sunday, nor accepting the potion from the witch’s hands.
He didn’t regret drinking it.
He didn’t regret seeing his memories, even if they now filled his nights with nightmares and terror.
No… he didn’t regret never truly giving up on his Kim. He didn’t regret it, because all of this had led here, to all of them together… searching for a way to free the young man, to give him back the peace and love that had always been rightfully his.
And for that ending, Chay would be willing to go through all that pain—and more—however many times it took.
He drew in a deep breath, his nose filling with that characteristic scent of nature—damp, alive, and warm. Behind him, Kinn was giving orders to pack everything up for their return to the mansion, while Porsche remained stationed in the room to keep anyone from entering the bathroom and discovering Vegas and Macau. The two of them would leave once the cabin was deserted.
But Chay didn’t look back. Porsche’s words—that the fact he’d seen those memories was what had started it all—were still stuck in his head.
It was a little hard to believe… but if he closed his eyes, he could still see with absolute clarity the way Kinn had said, “Either we free Kim, or we die trying.” He could still see Vegas sketching out at least five different plans, still see the fire in Porsche’s eyes, ready to defend and strike at anyone who dared come near his family. Even Macau had been more than willing to help, after hearing the story Kinn had shared upon waking.
And yes… all of that had begun with him.
With his love for Kim.
Chay smiled with tenderness and sorrow all at once. That was the beginning of everything, wasn’t it? Kim.
Kim. Kim as a weapon, Kim as a protector, Kim as a brother, Kim as a son… Kim as a lover.
Kim and his past, his memories, were what had brought them here… what had united them to find the answer to their future.
Chay stood as tall as he could, gazing straight at the sunrise before whispering,
“Just wait a little longer, love… wait, and you’ll see the future I’ll create for you.”