Chapter Text
Years of being Hokage had prepared Naruto for this exact and defining moment of his career. Perched on Orochimaru’s knee, gently being bounced up and down, he was jostled about by waves of Uchiha and Hyuuga who gathered about a cleared and prepared briefing room deep within the Tower. Snapping, snarling and hissing insults at each other, it was the sort of pissing contest that had to be seen to be believed. When Naruto was old enough to know the families weren’t bosom buddies, there was only one Uchiha left around to hold a grudge. Seeing rows of them form rank and posture at each was on par with watching the formation flying of each year’s rival migratory birds.
“It doesn’t make any sense!” An Uchiha with three tomoe was staring at Naruto. Naruto cheerfully waved and the Uchiha gingerly waved back, clearly distracted by whatever notes he was machining out into his notebook faster than Naruto could physically see.
“Of course it doesn’t make any sense, Uchiha. Your chakra detection skills are vastly inferior to our own.” Man, that was rough coming from a Branch family member.
“So’s your security when you need a seal for your Branch family members,” another Uchiha sneered from a corner and Naruto felt Orochimaru wince and throw them to the ground. An instant later, a chair flew through the space they’d occupied. Naruto heard a shriek and narrowly caught a glimpse of a masked ANBU bodily dragging a Branch Hyuuga from the room.
“There’s a child present, you idiots!” A female voice hissed so poisonously that Orochimaru twitched and Naruto happily beamed. Anko was on duty as crowd control. It was only a matter of time before one of them took a lamp to the face and Naruto had front row seats. Really, being gawked at like a zoo animal had it perks. Meanwhile, Orochimaru hummed and Naruto couldn’t tell if was the random outbursts of violence or the fact that Hyuuga on Uchiha action had watered his crops for the next decade.
Then two ANBU squidged in on either side of Orochimaru, both noticeably tense. “This wasn’t what I had in mind when the Hokage said he was getting chakra experts involved,” Orochimaru breezily commented. Through it all sat Orochimaru, who beatifically and gracefully accepted cup after cup of tea while Konoha’s two foremost families suplexed each other through decades of political bullshit that was now mountain sized in scale. Orochimaru may as well have died and gone to heaven with the amount of kekkei genkai flexing happening in this chamber. Kami, even Naruto was impressed and he’d seen Sasuke’s big boy eyes in action compared to the little baby flex off happening in here.
Sharingans spun wildly, a number of Uchiha elders squinting furiously at Naruto while making notes. On the other side of the room, a mass of Hyuuga were recoiling at the sight of Naruto, where he glimpsed one gagging into a nearby bin. Bits of paper flew, insults were fired like mortars and at some point Itachi Uchiha waded his way over through the chaos, to pull up a chair next to Naruto and associates, causing a minuscule flinch as Orochimaru readjusted his grip to shift Naruto to the knee closer to Itachi. Naruto silently prayed that Orochimaru’s real form wasn’t visible within his borrowed set of flesh, because now really wasn’t the time to discover another freakishly talented member of either family.
“Your situation is unusual,” Itachi, ahead of his years as usual, commented as if on the weather. “I’ve never personally seen chakra so whole and nor has my father.” Of the mayhem, Itachi and Fugaku, who was now pulling up a chair of his own, were among the most level headed. Quiet, dedicated. It was hard to see Fugaku being involved in a coup. Not that there was going to be a coup this time around judging from Orochimaru’s pleasantly vacant expression. Apparently they were a soothing experience for him, provided they weren’t Itachi.
“It’s extremely dense,” Fugaku agreed. “It’s almost a tangible force even when not manifested.”
Do it, Kurama whispered. You know you want to. It’s better we get this out of the way before anyone starts looking too closely. And Kurama had a point there, because Naruto couldn’t exactly hide that he was different without crippling himself in the long term. At least this gave him some degree of plausible deniability.
Naruto decided to spare all of them the effort dancing around the issue and kicked a grenade into the room with gusto. “Fluffy says its because of his chakra spilling out with mine.”
Silence. The entire room hammered with a mute button and Naruto didn’t need to turn around to see Orochimaru swallowing down a cackle with his tea. Whatever happened after the Ōtsutsuki problem was resolved remained to be seen, but Naruto doubted Orochimaru would manage returning to his former career. Naruto had walked in on him whistling cheerfully and chatting to the houseplants some days, along with the giant Haguromo tree in their garden who sometimes talked back in demonically flavoured whispers that only Naruto could hear. That was the sound of a content retirement if Naruto had ever heard one. It was a shame Mitsuki wasn’t there to see his old man behaving like a normal retired shinobi, plants and all. Or to see him sobbing at night from Mitsuki's loss.
“Fluffy?” Hiashi Hyuuga dragged yet another chair into position, at a respectful distance from the Uchihas. “Who’s Fluffy?”
“Fluffy. Nine Tails. Big Ears. Likes green tea a lot. He said our combined chakra does it and makes the trees grow because Mr Treebeard is a family member.” I can’t wait until they find out who he really is, Kurama crowed.
“Naruto,” Fugaku’s voice wobbled. “Is Fluffy a giant fox with nine tails?”
“Yeah! He’s nice!” Naruto fist pumped the air. “He said he’s upset that mum and dad wouldn’t let him eat Madara.” Naruto paused as Fugaku began to hyperventilate. “He said there’s always next time though, because Madara won’t stay dead like a normal person.” Naruto emphasised this with an exaggerated nod. “Madara sounds like a butthead,” Naruto cheerfully added. “Fluffy said he wanted a boyfriend and not a girlfriend and that’s why he’s so mean.”
Orochimaru’s careful decorum failed at that moment. Through it all he sat perched in his carefully pressed purple yukata, freshly picked up from a nearby dress shop, teacup delicately perched in one hand, but this was a step too far. Tea sprayed from his mouth, both of them fell sideways and a pained Kakashi was left propping up the incognito Snake Sannin up as he gasped at the air, between howls of laughter. Yamato on Orochimaru’s other side was making a half hearted effort to extract a sobbing Orochimaru from Kakashi, one hand stopping a dangling Naruto from faceplanting into the floor.
“He-wanted-!” Ororchimaru continued to choke and wail into the deepening silence. “Naruto, you can’t say things like that!”
“But it’s true!” Naruto yelled back, only to see Fugaku slip sideways off his chair, into the arms of Hizashi Hyuuga who was as pale as his eyes, while Itachi was doing his best to drag Orochimaru off Kakashi and Yamato. “Fluffy said he was a loser who was jealous of the First’s wife!” There was another strangled noise from a distant corner of the room, before it blew up into sheer anarchy.
I’m going to cherish this moment forever, Kurama sighed dreamily as a lamp sailed through the air and beaned a bright red Uchiha in the face.
All in all, Naruto thought the meeting was going spectacularly. It was violent yes, scandalous certainly, but now the Uchiha as a clan were clear and free of any implication in Obito’s plans. With that alone the coup had to be off the table, even if it was at the expense of a Founder’s admittedly already limited dignity.
Hiruzen’s door blasted off its hinges, with his guests flanked by two skittish ANBU. Privacy seals barely popped into existence before the furious Hiashi and Fugaku skidded to a halt at his desk.
“He can talk to the Kyuubi!” Hiashi exploded, spittle making Hiruzen lean back in his chair.
“Forget that, Madara Uchiha is still somehow alive! I told you the fox attacking had nothing to do with us!” Fugaku elbowed Hiashi to the side. “We’ve been cleared by the demon itself!” Fugaku launched himself into a seat and dragged the Hyuuga head into the seat next to him.
Hiruzen was regretting his life choices as the words “he can talk to the Kyuubi” and “Madara Uchiha is still somehow alive” registered and dully resonated. “Excuse me. Hiashi, you first.” The fox having influence over its host was a far larger issue than rumours about Madara Uchiha. Hiruzen could forgive the mangled state of his door with that sort of news.
“The boy has full communication with the Kyuubi! By all accounts it’s been regaling him with sordid gossip about our founders,” Hiashi snapped out. “The Kyuubi told the boy that the Tree Incident happened due to its chakra mixing with the boy’s own and that the tree is in someway related to the boy.”
Fascinating. “So the demon is responsible for the tree?” This would need further investigation to see if the tree was a threat to the village. Anything that was an extension of a Tailed Beast was bad news as a standard. Apart from Naruto. Naruto was adorable.
“Not entirely. The boy said that the demon told him that he was related to the tree and that this combined with the demon’s chakra is what created the tree,” Fugaku clarified. “I doubt it’s literal, but the tree has taken on a humanoid visage. It could be that this person it’s mimicking is Naruto’s relation rather than the tree’s own will.” There was a careful stress on the word that sent chills through everyone in the room. Naruto’s complicated family tree couldn’t be allowed to escape and had to be carefully contained, especially with this revelation. Hiruzen did smirk at the irony of the literal tree parked on their borders being a less immediate issue than what was lurking in Naruto’s family tree.
“And how does Naruto feel about this communication with the Kyuubi?” Kushina had always said that communication with the beast was unpleasant and threatening at best. This was unprecedented. Jiraiya would have to be notified immediately to inspect the seal.
“No major complaints,” Fugaku faintly replied. “The Kyuubi treats him well, enjoys green tea and has an appetite for soap operas. Apparently Madara Uchiha was far more… interested… in the Shodai than he was obtaining his own wife and the rejection is what addled his brains. It was he who arranged the Kyuubi’s attack on the village.” For a minuscule moment, the Uchiha clan head’s face spasmed wildly. “This information has…” Fugaku struggled with his words.
“It’s escaped into the wild already and everyone’s grandmother, dog, nephew, cousin and green grocer’s friend knows about it,” Hiashi finished for Fugaku, pouring him a glass of water. Fugaku then attempted to drown himself in said glass of water.
Hiruzen tensed. “And the source of the information?” If the civilian population knew that Naruto could speak with the demon…
“Blamed on a Yamanaka clan member who was brought in to assist with the boy’s mental health following his near death experience with the Tree Incident. Nobody outside of the meeting is aware that the boy acted as a conduit for the demon. Itachi Uchiha was remarkably quick thinking,” Hiashi admitted, under the full weight of Fugaku’s stare. “The wider public is not aware of the meeting’s true purpose or discussions.”
“Small mercies,” Hiruzen breathed. It did say a lot though, that of everything revealed by the demon that Madara’s failing love life was the part that received the most attention and circulation. How very typical for this village’s inhabitants. “What of Mitsuki?”
“He laughed so hard at the Kyuubi’s revelations that he broke three ribs and needed a visit to the infirmary,” Fugaku sighed. “It’s fortunate that Madara Uchiha is already considered a traitor. Our reputation wouldn’t recover if he was still positively affiliated with the clan.”
“On the bright side, Uchiha, at least everyone now understands precisely why even Madara Uchiha’s clan weren’t convinced by his arguments.”
While Hiruzen was understanding of Fugaku’s need to crack a chair over Hiashi’s head, these ones were expensive and so he offered for them to take it outside where cheaper and more plentiful steel chairs were available. And to where he’d summoned urgent reinforcements to quell the unfurling disaster happening at the base of the Hokage Tower.
The notes concerning Naruto’s unique chakra would have to wait until later. It was becoming readily apparent though that Kakashi was the only one who could be trusted with Naruto’s… unique relationship with the Kyuubi given what it had so eagerly divulged and the sound of the results wafting in through his open window. Hiruzen could only hope it would bestow Kakashi with a renewed sense of purpose.
Kabuto had never seen so many Uchiha and Hyuuga gathered in one location in his entire life. Slipping back into Konoha was child’s play usually, but the guards at the village’s official entries were suspiciously light. It was only after he padded down towards the Hokage Tower that he saw a veritable tsunami of Hyuuga and Uchiha collide with each other and it all clicked into place. Hoisting himself up a lamppost, Kabuto’s suspicions were immediately confirmed by a team of four ANBU who were shielding Naruto-kun and Orochimaru from the melee.
“At least our founder wasn’t trying to start relations with a married man!” One Hyuuga yelled, before three Military Police members dived on him with handcuffs. Were… were they talking about Madara Uchiha? Kabuto slowly blinked and pushed his glasses further up his nose. It was a decade too early for Madara to have outed himself… unless… Naruto had done it for him. A feral smirk inched its way up Kabuto’s face.
What fascinated Kabuto the most was that this brawl wasn’t even traditionally aggressive by ninja standards. Notebooks were being pelted to and from clan members, an Uchiha had a Branch member Hyuuga in a headlock and Shisui Uchiha was inching towards the ANBU formation with his cousin Itachi. As far as ninja brawls went, this was almost civil. No real force, no real weapons and the Military Police were yet to set anyone on fire.
Awww, and weren’t they all so tiny and adorable? Itachi from before he gave Orochimaru a nervous tick and Shisui from before Danzō had ruined them both. Naruto-kun looked especially cute courtesy of Orochimaru’s preference for big bows. Orochimaru’s fashion sense had barely changed at all, but with the addition of a brown potting apron, steel toe boots and a thick set of well used leather gloves. It was evident to Kabuto that the Snake Sannin had absolutely no issues adapting to a new research field.
In so little time, so much had changed without the residents so much as noticing that one of their greatest enemies had moved back home for a decidedly not quiet retirement. Of the changes, Kabuto couldn’t miss the giant Hagoromo shaped tree that now occupied the edge of the village where one Mitsuki Mikami resided with Naruto Uzumaki. It too couldn’t be ignored, not when Kabuto could’ve sworn it waved at him when he came into view. They’d been in the timeline for all of five minutes before Naruto-kun and Orochimaru had inadvertently forced Iwa to change it’s uniform colour to a darker shade of brown when their spies had reported the tree’s existence.
When the Hyuuga and Uchiha were done with the collective trauma inflicted upon them by Naruto-kun and Orochimaru, he may as well head over and see the tree for himself. And if he happened to kick off an entirely organic, most definitely not planned conversation about botany that got him adopted by one Mitsuki Mikami as a research assistant, even better.
In the wee hours of the morning, Hiruzen opened the notes of one Itachi Uchiha and read “He said he’s upset that mum and dad wouldn’t let him eat Madara. He said there’s always next time though, because Madara won’t stay dead like a normal person.” and his eyes locked onto "that mum and dad wouldn't let him eat Madara". Hiruzen's heart was lodged in his throat.
The Kyuubi itself had told Naruto the identity of his parents. And by way of his delivery, everyone inside that room now knew that Naruto was the son of Minato and Kushina. Hiruzen, for the first time since Minato's death, felt his stomach clench, gripped by the Kyuubi's overly human and clawed hand.