Chapter Text
Chapter 2
Nancy shouldered her way through the crowded stands, three beers balanced precariously in her hands. She almost spilled one of the drinks as some asshole pushed his way past her, but she saved it with a quick shift of her balance. Satisfied that her load was safe, she made her way the last few feet to where Paul, TK and Mateo were seated in the bleachers.
She passed two of the beers to the boys before pulling a water from her pocket for TK. “I can’t believe Marjan does roller derby, how did I not know this?” Mateo asked.
“Why are you surprised, Marjan is a badass.” Nancy supplied, sitting between the guys. The announcer came over the loud speaker announcing the teams as they skated out. Their little corner of the stands erupting with loud cheers, Nancy the loudest amongst them as they announced Marjan.
The game was underway quickly and off to a brutal start. Their group was cheering and hollering louder than the rest of the crowd and Marjan’s performance seemed to only be boosted because of it. They all quickly noticed the other man in the crowd that was cheering just as loudly for their friend though. Nancy was immediately on the defensive, not liking some random dude cheering on their friend like he knew her. That was one of the downsides to Marjan being insta famous. FireFox was a legend and maybe it was more surprising that there weren’t more fans there cheering her on.
Nancy tried to shake it, tried to keep her focus on Marjan and the game in front of her, especially when Marjan took a pretty serious blow to the face by an opponents elbow. Her worry spiked, but she knew the feisty woman could handle it. And handle it she did as she knocked the other teams Jammer off course and cleared the way for their jammer to get ahead and score them the point.
At the end of the game their small group waited a little ways away from the locker rooms for Marjan to come out, and they all noticed the fan that was obsessed with Marjan lingering close to the door. “She come out yet?” Mateo asked as he passed a few bottles of water around.
“Not yet, and it looks like we’re not the only ones waiting for her.” Nancy grumbled and Paul shot her a look that felt like he could see right through her.
“I keep telling her to make her social media private.” He offered instead of commenting on her weird behaviour.
“You don’t get three million likes by being private.” TK offered.
“Or creeps showing up to your games.” she mumbled and TK shot her his own look like he knew a secret. She didn’t like how transparent they both were making her feel. She was allowed to be protective of a friend. Even if that friend was one she had been sharing a bed with for the better part of a month now. Even if that friend was definitely one she wanted to be more than friends with. But that was none of their business!
“You think he’s a creep?” Mateo asked, but before any of them could answer him, Marjan stepped out of the change room and Nancy was quick to smile and wave her down. And it made her heart warm when she saw Marjan smile brightly as soon as she noticed her. Them notice them.
Her smile was quickly dimmed though as the creeper approached her from behind, “Marjan.” Nancy was quick to make her way to Marjan’s side, not wanting to let her face this creep on her own.
“How did you know I’d be here?” Nancy heard the anxiety in Marjan’s voice and was immediately at the defensive.
“Instagram, Surprised?” The stranger explained.
“Everything good here Marj?” Nancy asked, and the boys were quick to fall in step behind the two women, crossing their arms to look more intimidating.
“Yeah, uh, yeah everything is fine.” Marjan seemed to shake herself from her surprise at the man’s appearance. “These are my friends from work, Paul, TK, Mateo, and Nancy.” She explained to the stranger. “Guys, this is Salim.”
“Oh so you do know this guy.” Paul was the one who finally asked.
“Only our whole lives.” The stranger, Salim explained.
“You Marjan’s brother or something?” Mateo asked.
“Salim is my fiancee.” Nancy’s head whipped to look at Marjan, a million thoughts and feelings running through her too fast to process.
TK Was the first to recover from their surprise, “Uh... Congratulations?”
There was awkward laughter from their whole group, before Nancy finally got enough of her thoughts in order to actually say something, “When did this happen?”
“When we were twelve.”
That seemed to only leave more questions than answers, and Nancy’s head was swimming again. She thought she knew Marjan rather well, since Tim, she would even consider Marjan as her best friend for everything she had done for her. But right now, it felt like she was looking at a stranger.
Salim said a few words directly to Marjan before heading out. The gang bombarded Marjan with questions, but she dodged them all before making her own excuses to go home.
While the others seemed to accept this new information in stride, Nancy was reeling. When she woke up that morning, she was in full acceptance that she had a tiny crush on her coworker and friend that would likely never be returned. So she would just squish down any feelings of affection until they went away. Now that she was faced with the fact that Marjan was definitely not a possibility, she couldn't deny that that little crush might actually be real feelings. And those feelings were definitely going to get her heart broken. Fuck.
~*~
The next day on shift Nancy didn't actively avoid Marjan, but she didn't seek her out either. And she was miserable. It's not that she didn't want to see or talk to the firefighter, she really did, but she had no idea how to act around her, or what to say now that there was this new information. She wasn't ready to make a fool out of herself, and knew that was the only possible outcome if they interacted.
The others didn't have the same qualms. She had overheard on more than one occasion them talking about Salim. How there was no passion, no heat between the two (a point for Nancy). But how in her culture marriage isn't about heat, it's about growing to love someone and building a partnership, one that Marjan and Salim had been growing since they were twelve (point Salim).
They had a plan to establish themselves independently first before getting married. Something Nancy knew was not a common circumstance for arranged marriages. He was on board with her being a firefighter and supported her social media and roller derby team. He seemed nice, and sounded like he cared for her a lot. And at the end of the day, if Nancy couldn't have her, then she would want Marjan to be with a nice man who had her best interests at heart.
It was a long shift with all of this going back and forth through her head, and trying to figure out what she should say or do when Marjan inevitably asked her why she was being so weird. But somehow she managed to make it the whole day without any run ins. Now the team was laid up in their bunks trying to get what little sleep they could before the next call inevitably came in, and Nancy was wide awake.
For the past month whenever they were on shift together, the only way she had been able to fall asleep was if Marjan was holding her, or she was holding the firefighter. At first it was to ward off the nightmares, but somewhere along the line it became just a comfort, then a want. Neither of them had really talked about it, but it seemed like Marjan wanted it just as much because she always left the covers turned down for Nancy and pulled her closer once she crawled into her bed.
Tonight though felt different. She found herself staring at the ceiling, unable to sleep but also refusing to follow her heart and climb into Marjan’s bed like she wanted to. It felt like a violation now, feeling how she felt and knowing that Marjan was spoken for. She would just have to get used to sleeping on her own again and hope that the nightmares stayed away with Marjan a few feet away from her instead of holding her.
She sighed and rolled onto her side to get just one peek at the woman on her mind, and found instead of her sleeping soundly, she was throwing the covers off her and climbing out of bed. For a moment, Nancy’s heart leapt into her throat, holding her breath to see if Marjan would come to her bed tonight. She didn’t. Instead walking right past and out of the bunk room sniffling like she was trying not to cry.
Nancy’s brow scrunched together, and her heart ached. Any thought of keeping her distance from the firefighter went out the window as she threw off her own covers and followed after her. Her socked feet padded quietly through the bunk room and to the kitchen area where she found Marjan leaning against a counter, biting at her thumb nail absentmindedly. She had never seen the firefighter look so unsure, so unlike her usual confident self, and her worry spiked.
“Marj?” She kept her voice soft, hoping not to startle the woman that was so caught up in her thoughts, but the firefighter jumped anyway.
“Fuck Nancy, you scared me.” Marjan chuckled as she pressed a hand to her chest to calm her racing heart. “What are you doing up?”
Nancy hesitated for only a moment before telling her the truth, “I couldn’t sleep, and I saw you get up. You seemed -” upset, sad, nervous her brain supplied but none of it felt right. “Are you okay?” She settled on instead.
“I’m fine.” the firefighter answered quickly. Nancy just raised an eyebrow, not believing that for a second, but she didn’t push, instead letting silence wash over them until, “Okay I’m not fine.” Marjan admitted then shook her head, “Do you want some tea?” Nancy nodded and carefully came around to lean against the island across from her.
“Did you want to talk about it?”
Marjan sighed as she poured the boiling water into two mugs, “I guess I just have a lot on my mind.”
“Let me guess, Salim?” It was an easy guess, and as much as Nancy didn’t want to broach the subject with a ten foot poll, she knew Marjan needed a friend right now.
“Amongst other things, am I that obvious?” The steaming mug was gently pressed into her hands and their fingers brushed, and Nancy was sure she was only imagining the slight linger of Marjan’s fingers on her skin.
“Can’t say I’m surprised, it’s all anyone seems to be talking about today. It’s not everyday that one of us comes out with a massive secret like the fact that they’ve been engaged for thirteen years.”
“It wasn’t a secret.”
“You just chose not to tell anyone.” Nancy pointed out.
Marjan squinted her eyes at Nancy before shrugging. “Honestly, I don’t really think about it a lot, it never occurred to me to tell you guys.”
“Understandable.” Silence fell over them, and Nancy let Marjan take her time to decide what she actually wanted to share with Nancy.
It only took a few seconds before Marjan spoke again, barely loud enough for Nancy to hear, “He’s asked me to dinner tomorrow night after shift.”
“Okay, dinner doesn’t sound bad.”
“He’s made a reservation at Osteria Cielo.”
“Oh.” Nancy couldn’t think of anything else to say. A fancy restaurant like that could only mean one thing.
“Yeah.”
“Do you think he’s going to-”
Marjan cut her off before she could finish, “I don’t know. Maybe? He’s a good guy and all, but he’s still a guy, what if he’s gotten tired of waiting? Wants to throw our plans to wait out the window?”
Nancy took a deep breath. She wasn’t sure she wanted the answer, but she needed to ask, “Do you love him?”
“I-” Marjan opened and closed her mouth a few times before running her hands over her face. “I do love him, he’s family, but I’m not-” her voice caught, “I’m not in love with him.” the firefighter took a deep shuddering breath. “I’ve always been taught that we’ll grow to love each other, but I-” Another deep breath, “I don’t think that’ll ever be true for me, not the way that he wants at least.”
Nancy took a moment to soak up this new information, trying to read between the lines that Marjan was giving her, but was coming up empty. Before she could ask any more questions, Marjan continued, “My future has been planned since I was twelve years old, so I’ve never let myself think of any other possibility other than Salim, you know?”
Nancy could only nod.
“But a part of me, even though I refused to acknowledge it, has always known that Salim is not what I want.” Marjan’s hands were trembling around the mug now. Nancy took the single step needed to close the distance between them and gently took the mug from the firefighter’s hand, placing it on the counter behind her before taking shaking hands into her own.
Being so close now, Nancy could see the tears forming in Marjan’s eyes that she was refusing to let fall. “Before he showed up, I think I was fooling myself. That if I didn’t think about him, or talk about him, I could pretend that our future together wasn’t real. That I could live in a world where I could be myself and actually love who I want and not be ashamed.” the tears started falling now as Marjan choked on her words took a shuddering breath in.
Nancy was quick to wipe her tears away with the pad of her thumb. Her long fingers resting gently on Marjan’s pale neck, and palm cupping her cheek to make deep brown eyes meet her own. "Why would you ever be ashamed of being who you are? You are one of the most amazing people I know."
Marjan tried to look away but Nancy wouldn't let her as she continued, "You're crazy confident, a total badass, and have such a beautiful heart. All you want to do is help people and make this world a better place. The only thing you should feel about your life is proud of what you've made of it, Marj." she gently stroked the firefighters cheek, "I know I'm proud to call you my friend."
Her last words seemed to strike something in the other woman because she winced and pulled Nancy's hand from her cheek, holding it in her own instead. The firefighter stayed quiet for a moment just staring at their joint hands before finding her voice again. "I'm ashamed because I'm- because I'm gay."
Nancy's heart was beating a mile a minute. Could this really be happening? Could she actually have a chance with the amazing woman in front of her? She shook her head, now was not the time to think of herself. Marjan needed a friend, someone who understood, to listen and to love and support her. It filled her with warmth knowing that she was who Marjan had trusted to be that person for her.
She used her free hand to guide the firefighters eyes back to her own, needing her to see the sincerity of her words. "There is no shame in loving another woman. Finding love in any form is such a blessing that it should be cherished and something to be proud of. And I'm so proud of you for taking that first step and saying it out loud." she took a deep breath before finding her own strength to continue. "I know how hard it can be the first time. But I promise each time it gets easier and easier until it comes just as naturally as breathing."
Marjan's eyes widened, "You-"
Nancy chuckled lightly, squeezing the hand that still held on tightly to hers, "I'm bisexual. And I promise no matter what you decide to do, be it marry Salim or choosing to follow your heart, I'll be there to support you."
Marjan sniffled then gave a tug to their joint hands pulling Nancy close and stepping up on her tip toes to wrap her arms around Nancy's shoulders and burying her face in her neck. Nancy didn't even hesitate to return the hug, pulling the firefighter closer wrapping her arms around her waist and just hoping Marjan couldn't feel how wildly her heart was beating with their chests pressed against each other.
They held each other close for a few minutes, Nancy letting Marjan take whatever comfort she needed from the hug. When they finally did part, Marjan was trying to hold back a yawn and Nancy could only smile affectionately. "Come on, let's get you back to bed before we inevitably get called out again."
They put their used mugs in the sink to be dealt with in the morning, and Marjan was quick to slip her hand into Nancy's as they walked back to the bunk room, only letting go once they reached their beds. Nancy sighed, not wanting to go to bed alone, but not willing to push Marjan after such an emotional night. She climbed into bed, pulling the covers over her and turned expecting to see Marjan do the same in her own bed, but instead found her still standing at the foot of Nancy's bed, biting at her nails again.
"Come here." she said quietly, pulling the covers back and making room. The relief on the firefighters face was instant as she climbed into bed beside her.
All the other times they had shared a bed and cuddled it had been spooning, but this time Marjan faced her in the bed, their noses only an inch apart. "Thanks Nance, for everything."
Nancy was going to respond, to let Marjan know she would do anything for her, but her brain short circuited instead because she was sure Marjan had moved even closer. Her breath hitched and she looked into brown eyes to see if this was really happening and saw nervousness shift to resolute confidence just before the firefighter closed the space between them, gently kissing Nancy. It was soft, nothing more than the pressing of lips together, but it lingered longer than could be excused as a friendly peck.
When Marjan pulled away, Nancy kept her eyes shut, not wanting to chance opening them and having this all been a dream. But she felt the light squeeze at her arm where Marjan had been holding her, and her eyes fluttered open to see the firefighter biting her lip anxiously while she stared at Nancy.
She dragged her arm from where it rested at Marjan's hip, up along her arm, until she was cupping Marjan's jaw. She used her thumb to pry the woman's lower lip from her teeth and ran the pad of her thumb over the plump lip before leaning in and closing the distance herself this time. It was just as gentle, and just as slow, but there was no doubt now what this was. Marjan gripped Nancy's shirt at her waist pulling her closer, not that there was much space between them, but now their legs tangled together and their hips were flush. Their stomachs and breasts pressed together in a way that made Nancy's stomach flip with butterflies. Their lips parted and came back to each other, a little more urgently this time, and if this was all just a dream Nancy hoped she never woke up.
Nancy tentatively swiped her tongue along Marjan's lower lip, asking for entrance, but the move seemed to have shaken the firefighter enough to have her pulling away. They were both breathing hard, and Nancy was quick to apologize, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to push-" a quick peck silenced her immediately, and reassured her that maybe she didn't just mess everything up.
"You did nothing wrong. But I'm still engaged to Salim, and until I'm not this isn't fair to you, or him." Marjan explained, and Nancy was quick to nod her understanding. "Can we just -" Nancy couldn't hold back her smile, and moved again, pulling the firefighter to rest her head on her chest. They both sighed contentedly and enjoyed the moment of peace wrapped up in each other's arms.
"Sweet dreams Marj." she kissed the top of her head and relaxed back into her pillow, knowing that there was no way her dreams would be better than this.
In the end they only ended up sleeping for forty minutes before the bells rang out alerting them to a call, but it was the best forty minutes of sleep she'd ever had. They both jumped from bed and scramble to get their gear on and out the door as fast as possible, and by the smirk on TK's face as she climbed into the rig next to him, the extra bounce in her step didn't go unnoticed. She simply rolled her eyes at him, but couldn't stop the smile on her lips as they pulled out of the firehouse.