Chapter Text
Izuku was used to losing things.
He’d lost the chance at a normal childhood full of friends and the typical conversations about quirks because he was born wrong in society’s eyes. When he was given the chance to be a hero with a gifted quirk, he gave up the quirk to save the world, as well as the opportunity to be a hero alongside the people he cherished the most. Then, without his quirk and without a sense of direction, he lost himself.
Hero Deku died the day he gave up his quirk and was replaced by the empty shell of sixteen-year-old Izuku Midoriya, hero to the world and nothing to himself.
He didn’t tell his friends he was angry. He pretended everything was fine and brushed off their worried looks and words with empty reassurances that losing everything didn’t kill him. And yet, it was a lie; he lost the one thing that made him fearless and it killed him to watch everyone live out the dreams he couldn’t attempt to reach anymore.
The day he lost the embers, he puked and cried while everyone prepared for their holiday party. No one noticed nor asked about his absence, accepting his excuses of not feeling well before involving him in the holiday cheer he couldn’t feel.
He took the offered teaching job at Yuuei after graduating in a futile attempt to feel something other than empty. It only made him resentful until Nezu and Aizawa forced him into therapy that left him feeling exhausted and on edge every time he came out of it.
Avoidance is not a cure for loss, the pink-haired therapist always said with sad eyes. You must allow yourself to grieve it to accept it is gone. There's no right or wrong way to do it. Once you accept it’s gone, only then can you grow into something more than the rage you are now.
She said so many wise things that made Izuku angry, but everything made him angry nowadays. And sure, his students and the faculty in his everyday life didn’t see it, but he felt the anger and bitterness inside him swell like ocean tides every time he remembered One For All and its loss. Isolation and avoidance were his best friends for dealing with the loss in his own way, and he was fine.
Not suicidal, not happy, but fine.
And then Shouto called him a liar for saying he was fine, effectively ripping to shreds all the walls and layers of false bravado he’d put up for years.
The night he told Shouto he missed his quirk was the first time he allowed himself to say it, and when Shouto squeezed his shoulder to comfort him at his own father’s funeral, it made him realize just how not fine he was with accepting the loss.
Izuku was tired of losing things. So when Shouto offered him something he knew he could lose someday, he had to pause and think if he wanted it.
Sleeping with Shouto —unfairly handsome and kind Shouto who always put others above himself and who he admired endlessly— would come to an end one day. He would never get to keep him. But he didn’t want to be the man who lost everything. Just this once, he wanted to be the man who had something.
Somewhere, however, everything went wrong and Izuku stopped believing he would lose it one day and truly believed this was the one thing he would get to keep; Shouto Todoroki, his lover, his friend, the man who kept him alive and made him forget the loss in his life that made him angry.
Somewhere in between the six years of sleeping with Shouto he stopped showing up to therapy because being with him made him forget the anger at all the other losses in his life. But then Shouto started getting angry at his avoidance, and then they argued until they avoided the avoidance, and then Izuku received the chance to be a hero and cowardly opted out of it, and then it was over.
Izuku lost Shouto just like he’d lost everything else in his life and was forced to acknowledge that all the losses in his life, especially his quirk, made him angry and afraid of being brave. He was angry at losing his quirk and afraid of the potential complete loss of his hero life if he picked up the title Hero Deku again with the suit. He was afraid acknowledging that loss still upset him would make Shouto look down on him and leave him, but losing him proved he was always going to lose him either way.
But he swore that despite the lies and the avoidance of his feelings about his quirk and hero life, they were in love. He knew they had to be in love.
So he fought his battles in therapy and eased himself back into the mindset of being a hero after accepting his quirk was gone but he wasn’t just a pile of losses, and when Shouto came back he still didn’t have him. But then, when Shouto gave up pretending they were nothing when they were everything, Izuku swore Shouto wouldn’t be another one of his losses. He was going to chase him and love him the right way with no lies and avoidance between them, and he was going to fight to keep him.
Staring at the hospital linoleum flooring under his feet with bloodshot eyes and buzzing skin, he wasn’t so sure he would ever get the chance to do that.
“Deku!”
Heels clacked on the floor as Ochako ran towards him, the sounds of someone else running behind her echoing off the empty hallway walls.
“Deku,” she said softly as she stopped in front of him. Placing her hands on his shoulders, she said, “Deku, look up at me.”
Wordlessly, Izuku looked up at her with his bloodshot eyes. “His heart stopped once on the way to the hospital. He was down for five minutes.”
“Where is he now?”
“Surgery.” Swallowing, Izuku rasped, “He’s been in there for four hours. His heart has stopped twice so far. They’re blaming it on the bleeding. He lost a lot of blood.”
“Deku–”
“I think they’re going to remove his spleen. The metal rod skewered it in half so they were talking about that being the best decision to avoid him bleeding out again. A few more inches up and it would have hit his lungs.”
“Deku, breathe–”
“He didn’t break his legs and there’s no spinal damage like I was afraid of, but either way they’re saying it’s going to take weeks of recovery and countless follow-up visits to make sure he’s okay–”
“Hey, shut up!”
Izuku’s vision suddenly focused on Katsuki’s concerned ruby eyes that watched him like a hawk. His hand was placed securely on Izuku’s shoulder almost like an anchor, and only then did Izuku allow his face to crumble as tears pooled in the corners of his eyes for the umpteenth time that night.
“It’s not fair. I just got him,” he cried as his vision went blurry. “Now I’m losing him–”
“Don’t talk like that,” Ochako scolded, though her voice wobbled somewhat as she spoke. “He’s going to pull through this. I know he will.”
“That Todoroki’s as tough as nails,” Katsuki assured him while looking down at his dirt-stained curls. “He’s going to be fine. And then when he’s fine you can yell at him for being a piece of shit and confessing his love before almost dying.”
“Katsuki.” Ochako scolded, “That’s not funny.”
“The fucker would rather die than face the aftermath of his love confession to all of Japan,” Katsuki retorted with a glare at the woman. “He’s a coward and a bastard for trying to get out of hearing Deku’s side of it. What kind of idiot chases a bomber by himself?”
“He was with me,” Izuku rasped as he dropped his gaze to the floor again. “I was supposed to protect him, but I failed. It should’ve been me.”
“What, so Shouto could be the one out here blaming himself?” Ochako retorted with raised brows. “Think seriously, Deku. If it were Shouto out here and you on that operating table, would you want him blaming himself and wishing he was dead instead?”
“Of course not–”
“So stop being so harsh on yourself. It was an explosion; neither of you could control something like that. This was out of your hands.”
“I wish it was in my hands,” Izuku rasped as he closed his eyes. “If he dies–”
“He’s not going to die,” Katsuki snapped. “If he pulled through the gunshot wound years ago, then he’s going to pull through this now. So do us all a favor and go get your injuries checked out because you’re stressing all the damn nurses by refusing to leave this freaking chair.”
“I’m not going anywhere. I have to make sure he makes it out of his surgery.”
“He’s going to be in there for another two hours at the minimum.” Looking down at him pitifully, Ochako said, “Go get patched up. I’ll stay in case they bring him out sooner.”
Wary, Izuku looked up at her. “You promise?”
“Yes.”
Looking into her weary chocolate brown eyes full of determination, Izuku lost every bit of fight left in him. Wordlessly, he stood up and made his way down the hall to where he knew the nurses were waiting for him.
The nurses made him strip out of his hero suit and into a hospital gown to check his injuries, putting him in a private room so no one else could see his state. Izuku let them search his body for injuries and let them patch his scrapes and his burns while staring at the TV hanging on the opposite wall, watching the live footage of the ongoing rescue that he should’ve cared about being at.
But sitting there in a hospital gown in a clean room while Shouto was fighting for his life in a bloody operating room, he couldn’t find it in him to care about the rescue. He had cried and begged in silence for years for the chance to be a hero again while lying about not caring, and yet all that mattered now was Shouto. The world had kept spinning without his help for eight years; it didn’t need him tonight. Shouto needed him tonight.
“Your injuries are miraculously minimal compared to what they could have been,” a kind doctor with pink eyes said once the nurses had finished patching him up. “Only a few minor burns from the blast and a sprained wrist from the fall. You’re very lucky, Deku.”
“How’s Shouto?”
Her face shuttered for a minute before she said softly, “He’s still in surgery. Your friends are keeping watch in the hallways for when he comes out.”
“How is his heart?”
“Beating.” Tucking a strand of hair behind her left ear, she said, “I will do my best to make sure he’s out in the room beside yours, but only on the condition that you stay in your room and work with the nurses.”
“I need to be with him.”
“With all due respect, you will be more helpful to him in recovery alive than dead from a missed injury. We need to run more tests on you to make sure you have no internal injuries or undisclosed fractures we may have missed.”
Biting his tongue, Izuku said, “Fine.”
“Thank you. I’ll have the nurse send for someone to take you for a full body scan. If it’s clear, we’ll keep you for observation for a day and then discharge you.”
“Fine.”
Izuku didn’t think of much as he was transported downstairs in a wheelchair. He didn’t think of much as he laid down on the CT table. He didn’t think of much as he was told to stay still while they ran the test. He couldn’t think of anything until he was back in his room in his bed watching the news briefly break their coverage around two in the morning for a rerun of a gossip segment between a blue-haired woman and a pink-haired one.
“I must say, today has been good for hero gossip. There’s not a single person who hasn’t seen the leaked images of Deku and Shouto in Paris, and there certainly isn’t anyone who didn’t hear Shouto’s love confession earlier this evening.“
“Yes, and what a love confession, might I say!” The blue-haired woman laughed, her brows jumping high into her hairline as she did. “I sure hope Deku was listening. There’s very few men left in this world who will love someone the way Shouto apparently loves him.”
“Oh, how right you are, Hanako.”
Izuku closed his eyes at that, fingers curling into his blanket while tears fought to fall down his cheeks.
Of course he’d heard the love confession. He had been working on his Paris report with Ochako as moral support in his office when Kyouka and Denki went live with their radio show for the evening.
Dynamight Agency, hours ago.
“I honestly don’t know what to tell you, Deku. I wasn’t there to hear what went down between you two to tell you if you’re making things up–”
“I am not making things up,” Izuku snapped. “Look, I’m telling you the truth. He was upset about what happened in Paris and I was upset because he kept holding it against me like it was my fault— which wasn’t, by the way. He came to my room and kissed me.”
“Right.”
“He kept telling me I screwed the arrangement up because I chose to sleep with him instead of fixing my issues–”
“–which he was right about.”
“I’m not saying he was wrong! All I’m saying is that it was unfair for him to just make all those assumptions about me dating someone else and use it as an excuse to end things without even asking me if that’s what I wanted. That’s it!”
“Except that’s not just it, otherwise I wouldn’t be here listening to you plan a live air confession tomorrow.”
“Listen, this part is important.” When Ochako sighed, Izuku quickly shook his head. “No, I’m serious! When I finally got fed up and asked him why he kept coming back to me if I was such a mess, you know what he told me?”
“What?”
“He told me that I was everything to him.”
Ochako stared at him like he’d grown six extra heads, disbelief written across her features. “Deku. I am saying this with all the love I can muster, but your bar is in hell if you’re taking that as a love confession.”
“You don’t understand, Ochako. When it comes to Shouto this is as close to his real feelings as I’m going to get.” Running his hands through messy curls, he rushed out, “He knows what we had wasn’t just platonic or casual. It was more. He has to know if he’s telling me something like that.”
Ochako sighed at that. “If you want to chase after Shouto in the privacy of your own home based on his one sentence, then fine. That’s on you. But on live television?” She flashed him a pitiful look. “Your heart isn’t as tough as you think it is. Declaring your love that loudly and not having it reciprocated will kill you. I know it will.”
“But I have to do something. I can’t just let him walk away like this–”
“Dick move on the leaker’s part, don’t you think so?”
Izuku’s attention immediately snapped to the radio in his office. He’d had Jirou and Kaminari’s radio show playing in the background for ambiance and for support but hadn’t been really paying attention to it. At least, not until now.
“Did he–”
“Oh, completely. I personally can’t see myself waking up one morning and going ‘hey, let me leak private images that I’m not supposed to have to start up some drama,’ but hey. I’m a Cancer, and this is clearly some Gemini behavior.”
Ochako’s own widened eyes full of surprise snapped to meet his own. “They’re talking about you and Shouto?”
“I thought you said they weren’t going to talk about it,” Izuku said, nausea creeping up his throat. “Ochako–”
“I swear I didn’t know! They told me they didn’t want to talk about it because it was such an invasive leak–”
“–these are our friends–”
“I honestly can’t gossip about this particular bit of news without feeling like a dick, either. Both Deku and Shouto are good friends of ours.”
”Yeah. We couldn’t in good conscience talk about this without hearing all the facts, so we reached out to Shouto for an interview.”
A pause. Despite the nausea rolling in his gut, Izuku scoffed at that. Pulling his coffee mug to his lips, he prepared himself to hear the dozens of excuses Shouto and Suzuki had given to not give an interview.
“Hey, Shouto. How’s it going?”
“Things could be better.”
Izuku dropped his mug.
“What the hell? Is that Shouto?” Ochako gaped at the radio. “You said–”
“No, no way, what is he doing–” Izuku stared incredulously at the radio. “I’m the one in charge of talking. Suzuki and Sawabe told me everything I needed to say so we could survive this shit show. Oh god, he’s going to get his name dragged through the mud right now–”
“Thank you for having me on your show tonight. I wish it was under better circumstances, but. Well.”
“I feel like I have to tell you that we’re all on your side, man. It must suck having all your personal moments put on blast like that all at once.”
“It does. I wouldn't wish it on anyone else.”
“So the pictures are real, right?”
“Yes. They've been around for ages, but no one’s put too much thought into looking for a commonality in the second individual present. My team is somewhat impressed. I’m not.”
“Leaker, be careful! Sounds like Shouto’s lawyers are coming for you. I’m taking you never intended for people to put two and two together, right?”
“No.”
“People have spent the better part of the last day arguing whether or not you two were in a relationship or not during these last six years. Do you have an answer for them?”
Of course Shouto had an answer for them. It was the one he’d given Izuku and the one Izuku had agreed to tell the public: they were just friends who made a mistake and slept together and then couldn’t stop. There was no love involved, no strings attached, and certainly no chance it could evolve into something more. It was the lie Izuku had been trying to convince himself was still real when it hadn’t been the truth since he was eighteen and he fell in love with Shouto.
He braced himself for the answer.
“Yes. We were in a relationship.”
Izuku’s jaw dropped. On air, he could hear Denki and Kyouka’s shocked gasps. Beside him, Ochako mimicked it with her hands flying to her mouth.
“Wow. Sorry for that, folks, that was just…unexpected.”
“H…how did you two end up together?”
“We made an arrangement. I guess some people were right. It did start out as something completely different. Something sexual, something casual between two good friends. But you don’t sleep with someone for six years without it becoming more. Especially if you were in love with them the entire time.”
“What? So you–”
“Fell in love with Deku? Yes. I’m pathetically head over heels for him. Have been since I was sixteen, actually.”
Pressing his head against his closed fists, Izuku’s body began to tremble as years of memories began to pass through his mind.
Shouto, face flushed and body warm after the first time Izuku’s hands touched him. Shouto, fast asleep beside him with early morning sunlight kissing his bare shoulder blades after he forgot to leave the night before. Shouto, bringing him coffee and then making out in his classroom before leaving for a mission overseas. Shouto, laughing at the kitchen table the morning after celebrating someone else’s wedding night like it had been their own. Shouto, drunkenly dancing around his apartment in Izuku’s favorite All Might hoodie that now lived in his closet. Shouto, so angry and heartbroken the night he ended their arrangement and made things fifty times more complicated for them.
Shouto, a breath of salvation amidst the chaos in his mind for the last six years. Shouto, the kindest and gentlest soul that put up with his pity party for longer than he should’ve. Shouto, who loved him all along despite the shattered state he was in. Shouto, the man who was finally reaching out and telling him he’d been right all along; it was never just about sex. They were stupidly and madly in love, and six years late to the truth.
“We didn’t even realize it was a relationship until we were years into our agreement. To us it was just stress relief between friends. But it was a relationship. A messy one to the eyes of any outsider, but real to us.”
“What about Gale Force?”
A phase. A man who had had the misfortune of becoming entwined in their messy story. A man who also fell victim to Shouto’s magnetism and his charm. A rebound and a mistake.
“A bad attempt at trying to force myself to look for something else. I owe him thousands of apologies, ones I hope he’ll accept one day. If he doesn’t then I’m fine with that, too. I’ve never been fair to a single partner of mine in my life.”
“But, Paris– are you two back together? Dating?”
“Paris was a relapse. You can’t walk away from the past when you still want it. I still love him. I don’t know what will become of us, but I still love him.”
“So–”
“So my statement is this: Deku and I were in a relationship, I was in love with him, and I’m still in love after trying not to be. That’s all there is to it.”
Izuku cried in his chair at that, letting the tears spill and his sobs echo across his office because this was it. There was no going back to the past now. Shouto had taken the plunge and confessed his love in a way Izuku had no choice but to believe, because Shouto didn’t do things like this unless he meant them. Shouto’s love confession wasn’t a calculated PR move or a written script from Suzuki and Sawabe; it was the raw truth that he knew Izuku would understand.
Izuku remembered the first time he’d almost come close to telling Shouto it was all bullshit.
Chalk. A ticking clock. A new rank. Talk about marriage pacts. Mangos and peaches.
Shouto, sitting on a desk looking unfairly pretty with freshly washed hair and a gray hoodie that Izuku knew belonged to him. Shouto, smiling half-heartedly at the mention of marriage pacts and turning down his offer of a marriage of convenience.
Shouto, sitting there in Izuku’s classroom like something out of his dreams, saying, “Just be sure to let me know when this is all over. I don’t plan on adding ‘homewrecker’ to my resume.”
Izuku remembered the truth dancing on his lips for a minute, the words I love you, I’ll never stop loving you lingering before he forced himself to swallow them and kissed Shouto in a way that he wanted him to remember. He kissed him in a way that was too gentle for what they were, yet in his mind, it laid bare everything his heart was screaming for years.
I love you. I love you. There’s never going to be anyone other than you.
“I promise I won’t let you be a homewrecker.”
It’s impossible to wreck the home that’ll only ever belong to you. My heart, my soul, everything will only ever be yours, Shouto Todoroki.
Did Shouto know that he kissed him like that on purpose that day? Did he know that the kiss was meant to be a love confession? Did he know Izuku loved him?
Of course he didn’t know. Izuku had never been brave enough to voice the truth his actions screamed.
“Deku, honey, you need to talk to me,” Ochako said. Hands pressed firmly on his shoulders, she said, “I know this is a lot, but I need you to talk to me–”
Izuku nearly slammed his head into her nose when he shot out of his chair, eyes red from crying but determination burning in his veins.
“I have to find him.”
“Woah! I need you to sit back down–”
“He doesn’t know I love him,” Izuku rushed out, looking at Ochako in the eyes with fear in his heart. “I have to find him and tell him I love him too–!”
“Slow down! You can’t just run to him like it’s a romcom. You’re still on call and if you step out there you’ll be swarmed by reporters. You have to stay here, Deku.”
“He needs to know–”
Then the entire building shook, and emergency sirens started going off and the radio show cut off, starting the apocalyptic night.
Shouto’s baritone voice on the TV brought him out of his thoughts. His love confession played on loop in the background as the women talked about how Izuku was lucky that he was loved like that, but all Izuku could think was how unlucky he was.
Shouto had confessed his feelings multiple times that night, both on air and minutes before he passed out from blood loss after the explosion, and Izuku hadn’t gotten the chance to tell him he loved him. He’d lost Shouto multiple times tonight and up until two hours ago had been drenched in his blood, and Shouto still didn’t know Izuku loved him.
It seemed like life was trying to take something precious away from him yet again. It was like a game; Izuku would find something he adored, and then he’d lose it. Yet with his eyes closed and hands pressed to his chest, he prayed that life would spare him this once and let him have this one thing.
Let him be safe. Let him live. Let him be mine.
Despite his exhaustion, Izuku couldn’t sleep. Dawn broke and early morning rays of sunlight that used to dance on Shouto’s face danced on his wrinkled bedsheets. His bones ached with fatigue and his body was begging him to at least close his eyes once more, but he couldn’t. Not until he knew Shouto had survived.
“Izuku?”
Izuku shot upwards in bed, his bloodshot eyes locking on familiar blue eyes framed behind thick glass. Fuyumi.
“Is he alive?” was the first thing he asked.
Something broke in Fuyumi’s eyes at that, and stepping forward to take his left hand in her own, she whispered, “He’s alive. He was just taken down to the intensive care unit. They’re going to monitor him for the next twenty-four hours to make sure his heart is stable before bringing him up here.”
“But he’s alive?” Izuku repeated, heart pounding.
“He’s alive,” Fuyumi affirmed once more, and then Izuku broke into loud sobs that echoed on the walls of his empty hospital room.
Warm arms came up to pull him into a tight hug, and Izuku’s sobs only increased when the familiar scent of jasmine from Fuyumi’s perfume filled his nostrils. Shouto always smelled like her after their weekly dinners together. Clutching onto her for dear life, Izuku let out ugly cries of relief.
“There was so much blood a-and his heart stopped so many times…I was so scared–” Izuku cried, shoulders shaking. “I almost lost him tonight and I never– I never even told him–”
“Hush now,” Fuyumi whispered as she gently patted the back of his head with her left hand. “Don’t confess your love to me. Life has granted you the opportunity to tell him yourself now. Don’t take this second chance for granted.”
Izuku nodded, still crying. He cried until his eyes were dry, and without realizing it, he fell asleep in Fuyumi’s arms.
When he dreams, he’s sitting in a sage green sunroom overlooking a large lawn with a forest behind it.
There’s a fireplace with a live fire, and there’s Christmas throw pillows on the white couches that perfectly match the walls. There’s a three-legged tabby lounging in a nearby cat tower and a book about a secret garden in his hands, but all he can focus on is the weight on his lap.
Fiery red hair spills into snowy white, and it’s not short; it kisses his shoulder blades now, almost like their owner is trying to grow it out again. Messy bangs cover a scarred left eye, and his lips are pulled up into a content smile. Shouto looks beautifully at home asleep on Izuku’s lap, and Izuku doesn’t want him to wake up.
But Shouto wakes up, because he’s always been in the habit of contradicting what Izuku wants. It’s one of the many things he loved about him.
Beautiful turquoise blue and marble gray eyes look up at him through thick lashes, and the smile that blooms across his cheeks is so pink and lovely that it steals Izuku’s breath. There are some wrinkles in the corners of his eyes and his features are softer; he’s older, and he still looks as beautiful as he did at sixteen.
“We should take a nap together upstairs before Tenya drops the kids off from school,” Shouto says, voice rough with sleep.
“A real nap or a grown up nap?” Izuku finds himself saying.
The smile widens across Shouto’s face. “What do you want?”
Izuku’s first instinct is to panic, because he doesn’t just want sex. But there’s a weight on his ring finger and they’re in a house that they bought together for their children, and Shouto’s looking up at him with a real smile, so he doesn’t panic.
For the first time in his life, he says, “Let’s just take a real nap together. The grown up nap can wait.”
The next time he woke up, it was two in the afternoon and his mother and Toshinori were sitting at his bedside holding his hands.
“Mom?” he rasped, “All Might? What are you doing here?”
“Oh, Izuku!” His mother wailed, pressing his hand up to her lips while fresh tears fell down her cheeks. “I saw the footage of the explosion last night and was so worried, but I couldn’t get down here because of all the road closures.”
“How are your injuries?”
“I have a few first-degree burns in the areas my suit couldn’t protect me.” Shifting in his bed, he rasped, “Have you heard anything about Shouto?”
“We just came back from getting coffee with his mother,” Inko said, eyes swimming with sadness. “They couldn’t save his spleen. The damage was too extensive. It was basically torn to shreds.“
Noticing Izuku’s frown, Toshinori leaned forward to pat his ankle. “Don’t worry. You can live without a spleen. He’ll just have to take extra care of his health from now on.”
“What else?”
“He has a concussion from when the debris hit his head. The doctors told his family it was a miracle he didn’t have any brain bleeds.” Looking at Izuku knowingly, Toshinori said, “Whatever prevented his head from slamming into the pavement saved him from a potentially fatal injury.”
“What about his legs? His spine? He told me he couldn’t…” He couldn’t feel his legs.
“It was most likely a shock response to his internal bleeding. His legs are fine, though. So is his spine. The only major concern right now is the recovery from his surgery and monitoring his heart because it stopped a few times.”
“Three times,” Izuku whispered, looking down at his hands. “Once in the helicopter, twice in the operating room.”
Inko nodded. “He’s going to be put on bed rest for the next month until they’re sure his heart is strong enough for him to return to duty. His quirk apparently already puts quite a bit of strain on it, so they need to make sure the episodes aren’t indicating a deeper issue that they can’t see yet.”
“Is he awake yet?”
Toshinori shook his head. “He’s in an induced coma right now. They need his heart to recover after the surgery. His sister was saying that if all goes well, he’ll be transferred into the room next door in the morning.”
Izuku flashed him a weak smile and nodded. Unable to stay strong, however, his lips quivered and he dropped his head into his hands as tears threatened to escape.
“I’m sorry,” he rasped, fingers digging into his scalp like he wanted to rip the curls out. “I’m sorry. I’m just so relieved–”
I didn’t lose him again.
(July, nine months ago.
Takeout. A documentary playing at a low volume on the TV. Rain tapping on the windows like tears falling on red cheeks. A glass bowl with matching key sets.
Izuku runs out of Shouto’s apartment with his keys in hand, his raincoat still hanging on the hook where he’d forgotten it. He doesn’t even bother waiting for the elevator, choosing to run down the staircase from the top floor all the way to the bottom as tears while his lungs burn and eyes blur from the tears that won’t stop falling.
Halfway down, he stumbles and catches himself on the railing. He pants and huffs to catch his breath, but it’s no use because the sobs coming out of his mouth and the tears streaming down his face won’t stop.
No one steps into the staircase, all hiding in their apartments from the rain.
Slowly, he collapses on the stairs and lets his head fall into his hands while he cries freely. His chest hurts and his body is shaking from the force of his tears, but he can’t stop; he’s twenty-five, he’s just lost the one thing keeping him tethered to the love of his life, and there’s no one to blame but himself.
He doesn’t want me, I’m alone, and I lost him–
He was never mine to keep in the first place.)
Inko only continued to rub circles into his hands,
letting him get the tears of relief out of his system.
This time wasn’t like last time he lost him.
Shouto, beautiful and selfless Shouto, was his to keep.
Entropy Agency @Entropy
On behalf of Shouto’s family, we’d like to thank everyone for the support of our Number Two hero. After countless hours of hard work from dedicated doctors and nurses, Shouto is out of critical condition and is expected to make a full recovery.
gigi @notgigihadid
shouto out of the woods 😭 i can breathe again
lili replying to @notgigihadid
i bet deku feels the same way
Izuku was discharged the next morning and practically had to be dragged out of the hospital by his mother.
“You’re not going to camp out at the nurses station and scare them into telling you when Shouto’s been moved,” his mother had scolded as she helped him put a dark blue hoodie on that wasn’t his. “His family will let you know when it’s appropriate for you to visit him. But no son of mine is visiting someone in a hospital smelling like soot and ash, so we’re taking you home first.”
Izuku had wanted to protest, but then Toshinori had shook his head behind his mother and he’d relented.
He’d had to slip out the hospital through the back to avoid the reporters loitering at the front doors. His first stop was his own apartment to get cleaned up. After a lot of convincing and a home cooked breakfast, Inko let him leave with the sole condition that he returned for dinner.
His next stop was Shouto’s apartment.
Standing in the familiar doorway as the door creeped open, Izuku took a deep breath.
The last time he had been in Shouto’s apartment had been two days before his return from New York.
He’d made it a habit of stopping by every few days to water Shouto’s plants, taking care of them like they were precious to him because he knew they were precious to Shouto. Back then, he knew what the apartment looked like; there were oven mitts he left on the counter to bake with, some of his ties were still in the closet, and his toothbrush was still in the bathroom.
He’d expected it to look different this time. After all, a stranger believing himself to be Shouto’s true love had waltzed through it many times since Izuku’s last visit.
The truth was that hardly anything had ever changed.
Closing the door shut quietly behind him, Izuku quickly glanced around the apartment with his heart in his throat.
The Dynamight oven mitts he’d gotten Shouto as a housewarming gift years ago were still on the counter like he’d just left them there after stress baking. The tennis shoes he’d left in the genkan were also there, laces still untied like he just had to slip his feet in to go for an early morning jog before returning to make Shouto breakfast. On the coffee table, the most recent newspaper was still sitting at the center, like it was waiting for Shouto to read it and for Izuku to tease him for still reading it despite the modern times.
Some things had changed; there was a vase with withered roses in the far corner of the countertop, a dark blue ribbon with a faded name etched into a name tag around its neck. The daisies on the windowsill were now accompanied by forget-me-nots, both blooming with life. The throw pillows on the white couch were a pale spring yellow, no longer a bright summer red. They were minor changes, but they were proof of the life Shouto brought and the passing of time.
Walking through the living room to get to the far windowsill, he stared at the daisies.
(July, nine months ago
He doesn’t know why he’s here.
He and Shouto had fought two weeks ago. They’d basically broken up as far as he was concerned and his immediate instinct after so much as thinking of Shouto was still to cry. He hadn’t reached out to Shouto at all to beg for him back or to explain that he got things wrong, that he wasn’t dating Ochako but rather seeking her out for help with his feelings for Shouto. He hadn’t spoken to him since he walked out that door and falsely promised he would never come back if Shouto didn’t take back his words.
And yet, here he was, stepping through Shouto’s doorway with bags under his eyes and a heavy heart because he couldn’t stay away.
“Does he know you’re breaking and entering?”
Izuku flashed Katsuki a tired look, sinking deeper into the navy blue hoodie that still smelled like Shouto. “I have a key. He should’ve taken it back if he didn’t want me to use it.”
“Tch. I still think you’re making a mistake coming here. You said you didn’t want anything to have to do with him after the breakup.”
Pitifully, Izuku replied, “I know. But I don’t know how long he’s going to be gone for, so I have to water his plants.”
“His plants.”
“Yes.”
Katsuki stared at him, incredulity clearly written in his eyes. “Why are you doing this for him? He broke your fucking heart. He doesn’t deserve to have you care for him like this.“
“Do you think I’m stupid?” Izuku snapped. “Of course I know that! My heart is broken and I’m still so sad and pissed off, but I still care for him because I–!”
I love him. I’ve never not loved him. I’m never not going to love him.
Gritting his teeth, Izuku said, “I know he hurt me. But I know I hurt him, too.” Swallowing the ball in his throat, he continued, “He was right, Kacchan. I am afraid of returning to the field. I’m afraid that I’ve been lying to myself for years that teaching is my true calling, and I’m afraid of how Shouto’s always known and how he’s not afraid to call me out on it. I’m afraid that I messed everything up between us by lying to him, so now all I can do is water his freaking flowers because I’m afraid to tell him he was right.”
The incredulity in Katsuki’s ruby red eyes gave way to pity. God, how Izuku hated that pity. It was why he’d started telling everyone the lie in the first place, and why he’d started believing it after so many times of saying it, too.
“Don’t look at me like that.”
“It doesn’t surprise me. You’ve always been shit at admitting what you want.” Quieter, “I guess it’s a good thing he’s gone. He’s given you time to decide what you're going to do.”
“What are you talking about?”
“You have two options. You can water his plants in silence and never talk to him again, or you can water his plants and get back into therapy so you can tell him he was right and that you want him.”
“I don’t–” Izuku curled his fingers into fists. “It’s pointless. He doesn’t feel the same way.”
Katsuki fixed him with a flat look, arms folded tightly across his chest. “If he didn’t love you, he wouldn’t give two shits about you not being true to yourself. He blew up the only thing keeping you two together to make a point about it, and you still think he doesn’t care for you like that?”
A pause. “Don’t be an idiot. Water his goddamn plants and come back with me to talk to Tsuyuri. When half and half returns, you’re going to stop pretending what you want doesn’t matter and tell him you love him instead of pretending sleeping with him is enough.”
And Izuku, for the first time in years, found himself nodding and saying, “Okay. I’ll go.”
For me. For Shouto. For what I want to be mine.)
Watering the daisies and forget-me-nots, Izuku couldn’t help but wonder why Shouto had suddenly decided to add the blue flowers to his collection.
After watering the flowers, he focused his energy on tidying up. He put away the dirty dishes Shouto had left in the sink before leaving for Paris, knowing fully well he hadn’t eaten a single thing at home since they returned. He folded the gray throw blanket Shouto had left on the couch, setting it neatly beside a pale yellow throw pillow. He folded the newspaper and didn’t stare too long at the grainy image captured of him and Shouto kissing in Paris.
Finishing up in the living room, he found himself walking down the hall towards Shouto’s bedroom.
On the wall, one of the portraits was still crooked from the time they’d fumbled through the hall half-drunk and giggling through kisses after Hagakure’s wedding. On the glass covering it, Izuku could still just make out the smudge from his fingertips. He never knew why Shouto didn’t bother to fix it, but now he supposed he did.
He didn’t want to forget what we had, just like me.
Stepping into Shouto’s room, Izuku nearly collapsed to the ground.
The glow in the dark stars he had put up behind Shouto’s back the first day he moved into the apartment still littered his ceiling, pale in the afternoon glow. The All Might figurine that he’d gifted Shouto during third-year was still sitting on his vanity, polished clean and obviously taken care of despite the lack of Izuku’s nagging about how important it was to take care of things. The first-aid kit he’d bought to patch Shouto’s scrapes up after work was still on it as well, the Dynamight sticker he’d stuck on it to tease Shouto now fading.
The bedsheets were a mess. Shouto clearly hadn’t thought of making them before scrambling out of the apartment after the news of their relationship reached the world’s ears. There were no pajamas on the floor to suggest he’d ever changed out of his hero costume after landing the night before. He’d have to remind Shouto to always change out of his hero costume at bedtime later.
An orange cat plush on the left pillow caught his attention.
(July, six years ago
A beachside town. Locals who pretend they don’t know who they are. Salt-kissed winds and sun-kissed skin.
Izuku’s a few days shy of turning twenty-one when he asks Shouto to accompany him on a trip to a small beachside town in Okinawa. He’s at his wits end with Toshinori who keeps asking him to return to therapy with him and feels the tickling sensation under his skin that tells him to run. He runs to Okinawa with Shouto and only tells Katsuki in case of an emergency, and it’s the best week he’s had in years.
He and Shouto have sex in every room of the house they rent for the week, and Izuku never gets tired of hearing his name fall from the other man’s lips. He cooks Shouto breakfast and they explore the town like they’re on a honeymoon getaway, and it’s so real that Izuku almost believes they’re in love.
They’re at an arcade when Shouto spots the cat plush in a claw machine game. He tries four times in a row and fails, and Izuku laughs at him before stepping in. He wins it in one go and hands it to Shouto with a twinkle in his eyes and a pleased smile on his face.
“You’re welcome,” he teases, and Shouto stares at him with flushed cheeks before mumbling an embarrassed ‘thanks’ that makes Izuku laugh harder.
The trip to Okinawa ends a few days later and they pack up their bags to return to Musutafu, but Izuku finds himself yearning for an opportunity to pretend like they did that week, just once more.)
Izuku hadn’t seen that plush since that trip to Okinawa six years ago. He thought Shouto had given it to his niece or had thrown it away; after all, it wasn’t an expensive thing. It was a claw machine prize. But here it was, soft and obviously well-worn from years of being held, more living proof that Shouto had loved him all along.
His phone buzzing brought him out of his thoughts.
Fuyumi (03:25 PM)
> Hi Izuku!
> Shouto’s been moved out of the ICU and is able to receive visitors now.
> If you don’t mind, could you please stop by his apartment to make sure things are in order?
Izuku (03:27 PM)
> Hi Fuyumi 👋
> I already tidied up and took care of his plants.
> I’ll bring him some clothes and other stuff to cheer him up since he’s most likely going to spend a week in the hospital, right?
Fuyumi (03:30 PM)
> You know the drill 😞
> Thank you for this by the way. He’s lucky to have you.
Izuku (03:35 PM)
> I’ll be there within the hour.
Within the next hour, Izuku was walking through the same hospital wing he’d just been in. The nurses and doctors whispered amongst themselves and shot him pitiful looks as he passed them. He assumed it was because he still looked somewhat like shit, being as worried as he still was.
Fuyumi greeted him outside Shouto’s hospital room. She looked as equally as rough as he did, all eye bags and tired eyes, yet her smile was still gentle in a way that reminded him of the way Shouto used to smile at him before they ruined things by not saying what they truly wanted.
“When you said you’d be here within the hour I didn’t actually expect it to be that soon.”
Izuku flashed her a wry smile. “I can’t stay at home knowing he’s still here.” Wiggling the bag in his hand, he said, “I brought some clothes to have in case he’s discharged soon. You know how picky he is with that.”
Fuyumi laughed softly. “Yes, I do.” Features softening, she said, “I haven’t had lunch today. I’ve been too scared to leave him alone. Would you…?”
“Of course,” Izuku answered without missing a beat. “Don’t worry. I’ll take care of him.”
Something flickered in Fuyumi’s eyes; humor, perhaps, but all she did was nod. “Thank you. I’ll be back soon.”
Izuku watched her walk away for a few seconds before breathing in deeply. Preparing himself, he counted to three before pushing the door open and stepping into the room.
He got as far as the foot of the bed before the door closed itself shut behind with a quiet click. Yet, he didn’t hear it over the sound of his heart pounding at the sight of Shouto in that hospital room.
The Shouto on that bed wasn’t the smiling, tempestuous man who knew Izuku better than he did himself. The Shouto on that bed was connected to various lines and a heart rate monitor that beeped with each beat of his heart, proving that he had made it out alive. The Shouto on that bed was pale and unmoving, laid out like a beautiful porcelain doll that was fragile to the touch.
The Shouto on that bed was not the Shouto he fell in love with, and yet Izuku still collapsed at his bedside and pressed his slender left hand to his lips because this shell was proof his lover would be coming home to him soon.
“Shouto,” he whispered with the man’s hand pressed to his lips. Kissing it gently, he closed his eyes. “Oh, my Shouto.”
(December, six years ago.
It’s seven in the morning when Izuku wakes up to a warm arm slung over his hip.
His first instinct is to jump out of bed, because he’s not the type of person to pick up random strangers and bring them to bed. That’s when the memories of last night start flooding in; Shouto, knocking on his door and kissing him, Shouto, taking him to bed and falling asleep after having sex to forget he had a decision to make about his future.
Looking over his left side, Izuku’s eyes landed on Shouto’s sleeping face. He was curled up on his right side, his left ankle hooked around Izuku’s left leg and his left arm draped over his hip like it was normal for them to be this close.
It wasn’t normal. They were only allowed to be this close when Shouto’s legs were hooked over his shoulders and his body became one with Shouto’s nails clawing down his back for more. This touch was softer than that; it was almost intimate, in a way, like they were in love and not just lovers.
Shouto’s warm breaths ghosted along his back, his lips pulled back into something almost like a smile. His hair pooled out around him almost like a halo, and the sun kissed his shoulder blades like he was priceless treasure.
Izuku stared at Shouto’s sleeping figure for what felt like hours. Something unfamiliar squeezed his heart and made his chest ache, and his fingers were moving before he could process what was happening.
Rough, scarred fingers brushed soft snowy white hair out of the way, giving way to a scar and long lashes. Shouto moved a little in his sleep, and Izuku almost shot out of bed at that, ashamed of being caught. Then Shouto nuzzled his cheek against Izuku’s fingers and sighed deeply in his sleep, smiling like an angel.
I could do this forever, Izuku thought unbiddenly to himself. I want this forever.
And Izuku knew he loved Shouto; he loved him as a friend, yet also liked him as more than just a friend. But that moment, throughout the confusion and blurred lines, everything clicked into place.
Shit. I’m in love with my best friend.)
Shouto didn't move in his bed despite Izuku taking his hand captive, the steady rise of his chest and the beeping heart monitor the only signs that he was still alive.
Izuku took the opportunity to reach forward and run his fingers through his hair, admiring his sleeping face because he was allowed to do that now.
“Your hair’s starting to grow out again,” Izuku murmured, playing with the red and white divide of his bangs. “I wish you’d let it grow out. You look so beautiful with long hair.” A huff. “Or maybe I’m just greedy. I love detangling your hair in the shower. If I’m being honest, I’d do it for the rest of my life if you’d let me.”
Shouto didn’t move, eyes remaining shut.
The small smile that was beginning to form on Izuku’s face fell at that. He brushed a thumb over Shouto’s left brow, tracing it delicately like he was trying to memorize every bump and curve of the skin and bone underneath.
“I’d do a lot of things for the rest of my life if you’d let me,” he murmured. Chest aching, he barreled on. “I’d make you breakfast every day before work, no matter how crazy our schedules are. I’d make you that crazy French toast you’re obsessed with without question. I’d bring home a kitten so that you finally get to raise something other than plants. I’d switch your bandages after a rough battle and kiss your wounds like you kiss my hands when we have sex.”
Throat constricting, he rasped, “I’d give up my apartment so I could wake up by your side every day. I’d give up my suit and my job just to be able to be by your side every hour of the day. I’d go celibate for the rest of my life to prove that I love you for you, not for what you can do for me.”
No attachments my ass, he thought with a bitter smile. I want to be attached to you on purpose for the rest of my life.
Feeling brave, he whispered, “I swear, I’ll love you with purpose for the rest of my life.”
If this were like the movies, Shouto would stir at that moment and return the love confession before kissing him. But this wasn’t like the movies; Shouto remained asleep, expression unwavering despite holding all of Izuku’s heart in his unmoving hands.
“I hope you know I’m so mad that you confessed before I could say it back,” Izuku confessed with his lips pressed to Shouto’s bandaged hand. “It was such a dick move. But…I can forgive you if you just come back to me. Come home, Shouto. Come home to me.”
He remained in that room holding Shouto’s hand in his own for what felt like an eternity before Fuyumi gently knocked on the door.
“I’m back,” she announced quietly, gently closing the door shut behind her. Two cups of coffee were in her hands, one clearly lighter than the other. “I brought you something. I hope that’s okay.”
“Thanks,” Izuku murmured, taking the cup from her hand.
“Has he moved at all?”
Izuku shook his head, eyes flitting back to Shouto’s unconscious form. “I wish he had. But if this is what his body needs to heal itself, then there’s nothing we can do but stay with him. I’m honestly just glad he’s alive right now.”
Fuyumi hummed, sympathy swimming in her eyes. “You were the one who got him out of that building collapse, weren’t you?”
“Yes,” Izuku answered quietly. “Had I been a better hero, I could’ve gotten him out of there uninjured. I’m so sorry–”
“Please don’t apologize. You did everything you could to get him out of there with as little damage as possible. There is nothing more heroic than that. I know Shouto would feel the same way, too.”
“I still wish I could’ve done more.”
“What you did is more than enough,” Fuyumi said with a firm hand on his shoulder. “You brought him back alive. And I’m confident he’ll survive this. He’s stronger than he seems right now.”
Strong enough to stay for years even though all I was doing was hurting him, Izuku mused silently to himself before flashing her a small smile. Now I’m going to spend the rest of my life making up for it.
“I’m sure you’re right.”
Fuyumi merely smiled at him. “I’m glad he has someone like you by his side.”
Cheeks flushing, Izuku’s gaze flickered down to the tips of his shoes. “I think I have a lot of making up to do before I agree with you.”
“Don’t be so harsh on yourself. You’re doing your best, just as he is. Whatever’s left to figure out, I’m sure you’ll figure it out together this time.”
“Thanks.”
Fuyumi looked like she wanted to say something else, only for the buzzing of Izuku’s phone to interrupt them.
Izuku flashed her an apologetic look before detangling his fingers from Shouto’s. He immediately mourned the loss of Shouto’s hand in his own before slipping out of the room, hastily pulling his phone to his ear.
“You know I’m on sick leave, right?” Izuku whispered somewhat frustratedly into his phone. “I told you that I’m not taking any business calls at the moment, so why are you calling me?”
“I wouldn’t be bugging you if I knew you weren’t ignoring everyone. Sawabe’s been nagging at me to get in contact with you. Says you’ve been ignoring her calls.”
“That’s because she wants me to speak at the press conference of the building collapse tonight," Izuku said irritatedly. “I told her I’m not doing it. I’m busy.”
Katsuki scoffed at the other end of the line. “Busy doing what? Moping around Todoroki’s room and waiting for him to wake up?” Silence. “He just had major surgery, dumbass. He’s not going to wake up for at least a few more days. You of all people know how it is.”
Picking at a hangnail, Izuku sniped back, “I don’t care. I’m staying with him until he wakes up. I’m not risking being gone when it happens.”
“You are going to drive yourself and everyone else insane if you stay glued to his side like that,” Katsuki flatly replied. “Call Sawabe back.”
“You’re being real shitty to me.”
“No, I’m giving you a chance to step away and take a breather. You need it.”
“No I don't.”
“Your mind has been running on nothing but adrenaline for the last twenty-four hours. All you’re thinking about is Todoroki, but you need to think about something else before you spin yourself into another mess like you were two nights ago.”
Izuku wanted to fight more, but deep down he knew Katsuki was right; if he stayed with Shouto, all he would do was keep thinking about how he almost lost him and how he would have to spend the rest of his life apologizing for hurting him for so long.
Biting his tongue, he bit out, “Fine.”
“He’s going to be fine, Izuku.”
“I know. I still worry.”
Katsuki huffed out a laugh at that. “Yeah. That’s the real shitty part of being in love.” A pause. “I’ll be at the press conference too. Dress nice.”
Izuku chuckled weakly at that. Chest aching, he said, “All my good ties are at Shouto’s place.”
Katsuki ended the call shortly after that, and Izuku finally called Sawabe back. He bid his goodbye to Fuyumi shortly after that and with one last kiss of Shouto’s hand, he made his way out of the hospital.
Five hours later, he was in his hero costume at a press conference with dozens of reporters staring him down, their pens clicking on their writing pads and cameras ready to go off at any moment.
A handful of heroes sat at the table, some friends and some just acquaintances. Beside him, Ochako and Katsuki sat like guard dogs, both knowing the inevitable question that would arise that night. Izuku didn’t care, though. He’d let the media pick him apart so long as he had what he wanted waiting for him in a hospital room in Tokyo.
On Tsukauchi’s command, the cameras began rolling.
“Good evening. Today, we are here to discuss the building collapse in Shizuoka prefecture that occurred one day ago.”
Izuku listened to the man drone on about the logistics of the collapse and the story that they had pieced together: that it was a man-made explosion, that he had been taking revenge for the government not taking his pleas seriously, and that more than twenty percent of the civilians living in those buildings had regrettably perished.
A reporter raised her hand. “It’s quite bold to make a claim of that being the reasoning behind the bomber's attack. Is there factual basis behind it or merely speculation?”
“There is a factual basis for this claim. The hero that encountered the villain first hand gave his spoken testimony after the clean up had been completed.”
“Who is this hero?”
Taking a breath, Izuku leaned forward into his microphone and said, “It was me.”
All the eyes that weren’t already on him turned their attention to him, clear delight in their eyes that he was speaking. Izuku could practically see their tongues full of sharp questions and digs ready to try and get under his skin.
“Could you elaborate on that, Hero Deku?”
“My partner and I were in the building that had the most damage saving a civilian when we began to theorize that the explosion wasn’t above ground as initially thought. Only an underground explosion could generate the amount of damage found on scene. We both went down to the basement of the building to try and find clues when we met the bomber.”
“Did he confirm he was the bomber?”
“Yes. He said he was doing this as revenge for his daughter who had died from an accident due to faulty structuring that the city never fixed despite his pleas for them to do so. The second explosion heard that night occurred in front of our own eyes during which the bomber committed suicide.”
“I’m sorry Hero Deku, but you keep saying ‘us.” Sharp blue eyes from another female reporter stared into his soul as she asked, “Who is this other person you were with? Why are they not giving their testimony to corroborate your words?”
Jaw set, Izuku thinly replied, “Because the other person I was with is still in the hospital as a result of the second explosion and is unable to give his testimony.”
“And who might that be?”
“Shouto.”
Another reporter raised his hand, brown eyes staring him down. “I’m sorry, Hero Deku, but it’s quite hard to take your word seriously when it’s Hero Shouto who is the one backing you up. How do we know he simply wouldn’t agree with you because of your personal relationship?”
Beside him, Izuku saw Katsuki shoot the reporter a nasty glare.
Holding back a glare of his own, Izuku answered, “Shouto and I keep a professional relationship on the field. He is the nation’s number two hero, a feat he hasn’t achieved by lying about what occurred at the scene of a crime. To say he’d fake his testimony simply to make me look good is a disservice to his character.”
“Hero Shouto is the nation’s number two hero, yes, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t capable of lying. Given last week’s revelations, you two have been perfectly content to lie to the entire world for years, after all.”
Picking up his microphone, Tsukauchi said, “That is an inappropriate question–”
“The world isn’t entitled to the private lives of heroes,” Izuku spoke up, silencing the murmurs of reporters and heroes alike. Sitting up straight, he continued icily, “That being said, the fact that something like this is enough to shake your confidence in a hero like Shouto is astounding. What will you use to call him a liar next? The fact that he hasn’t told the world that he gardens? It is ridiculous to correlate something as personal as a love life to one’s ability to work as a hero.”
“If a hero cannot be upfront in all parts of his life, he shouldn’t work as one.”
Inhaling shapely, Izuku said, “Yes, I agree.”
The reporter faltered. “You…you do?”
“Yes. So I’ll be upfront with mine. I wake up and make eggs for breakfast because it’s easy, then I make coffee before picking out a hero themed tie to wear to work.”
Katsuki snorted loudly beside him, a grin spread wide on his face while the other heroes fell into a fit of smothered giggles.
“That’s not–”
“Do you hear how ridiculous you sound?” Izuku snapped. “This isn’t about honesty. It’s about everyone being upset that we’re not flaunting our personal life for everyone to pick at.”
Murmurs arose across the group of reporters, some looking ashamed and others looking downright angry at being called out.
A reporter with green eyes and thick black glasses raised her hand. Somewhat timidly, she asked, “But why hide your relationship?”
Fingers curling nervously over his knee, Izuku said, “I think Shouto said it best. Our relationship has been…a journey. It didn’t start out as something romantic and we were both too stubborn to call it what it was for a long time. But the truth of it is that Shouto wasn’t the only one in love. I loved him, too. And though I think it’s kind of ridiculous to crucify us for it, I don’t think there was anything wrong with us wanting to keep it to ourselves.”
“Sorry for interrupting, but it is improper for a hero to behave that way, though,” another reporter piped up with a frown. “What do you have to say to all the fans who you’ve disappointed with your behavior?”
“If propriety is what you want from me, then I have to apologize. I don’t care about that when it comes to my personal life. If fans cannot accept me for who I truly am and who I love then they should look towards a different hero.” Chin raised, Izuku declared, “Nothing will change the fact that I love him and will continue to love him, regardless of whatever the world may say.”
Loud murmurs arose around him, both from flustered heroes and reporters, as well as looks of disgust from some reporters. But Izuku didn’t care; he didn’t care about propriety or disappointing people. All he cared about was Shouto, beautiful Shouto who changed his world and made him want to be someone worthy of being loved.
The same timid reporter raised her hand then. “What’s your official statement on the matter, then?”
Izuku curled his hands around the microphone on the stand in front of him, eyes making direct contact with the recording camera.
“My official statement is that Shouto and I have been romantically involved for years, and will be for the rest of our lives regardless of what people may say. Plain and simple. And whether or not we share that with anyone else down the line, that’ll be our decision. But it’ll be one we make together.”
“What do you have to say to the fans who are going to be disappointed that you are into men?”
“I love who I love. There’s no crime in that. Now can we get back to the building collapse?”
gigi @notgigihadid
in tears at how obvious it is that deku loves shouto oh dynariot they’re coming for your crown
Pro Hero News @PHNews
Hero Deku gave a statement regarding the recent scandal regarding his relationship with Shouto, Japan’s number two hero. [clip_1]
Pro Hero News replying to @PHNews
Deku also gave a statement regarding the outing of his sexual orientation. [clip_2]
ShoDeku News @shodekunews
in absolute tears tonight i fully expect a wedding in the next two years deku’s obvious love for shouto is making my heart hurt 😭
Deku News @DekuNews
“I love who I love. There’s no crime in that.” Deku do not make me cry tonight ☹️that is such a poetic way to say it amidst the chaos that made him address it 😭
pinky’s gf @adorababyxo
are you a “i love who i love” daughter or “i still love him” son
thea replying to @adorababyxo
this is sickening
fuckyeahshoutodoroki
In case you missed it, here are the highlights of the Shizuoka press conference involving Shouto:
- He is in stable condition but has yet to wake up from an induced coma. He had to have invasive surgery to repair a tear through his abdomen and his heart stopped a few times on the way to the hospital and during surgery. He’s expected to make a full recovery (🙏🏼)!
- He (via Deku’s words) confirmed that the explosion was man made and not a result of faulty wiring as previously thought. His injuries were a result of the second explosion caused by the bomber.
- He gardens.
- He and Deku have been ridiculously in love for six years and he’ll probably be married sometime in the next two years.
#shouto todoroki #shouto #deku #shodeku #yeah deku’s confession just left me speechless #that adoration is what shouto deserves #don’t fumble again deku
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“You know, a lot of people are predicting you’ll be married within the next year.”
Izuku looked up from where he was combing through Shouto’s hair with a wooden comb, frowning. Ochako’s amused chocolate brown eyes met his, her pink phone held loosely in her hand as she showed him an article.
“Oh.” Izuku looked back down at Shouto’s hair, proceeding to comb through it once more. “I haven’t checked social media since our pictures in Paris were leaked. Why are they saying that?”
“Well, since you had the grand idea of confessing your love on national television a few days after Todoroki did, people are betting on a wedding sometime soon.” Sighing, she said, “I honestly can’t believe you two. Years of dancing around it, only to confess in front of the entire nation that you're in love…don’t be surprised when they create a manga based on you two.”
Izuku hummed noncommittally, eyes still trained on Shouto’s hair. “I’d be surprised if that’s all they do considering how big Shouto is.”
“You say that as if you’re not going to be officially ranked in the top ten during the next mid-year rankings.” Ochako sighed. Shaking her head, she flicked him gently behind the ear. “If you two start dating, you better wait to announce it until after Katsuki’s wedding. He’ll actually kill you if take all the attention away from Eijirou that day.”
“Why would I ever–” Izuku stilled at her pointed look. “Alright, fair enough.”
Ochako nodded. Gaze flickering from Izuku to Shouto’s unconscious form, she murmured quietly, “I wonder if he’ll be awake in time for the wedding.”
“The doctor said he should be awake by the end of this week but to not get our hopes up. His heart’s doing better but the rest of his body might be catching up on some well deserved rest.”
Ochako hummed, sympathy filling her eyes. “Being Number Two must be hard. He needs to be kinder to himself.”
“Yeah,” Izuku murmured. Hands stilled over Shouto’s hair, he asked hesitantly, “Hey, Ochako?”
“What is it?”
“Do you…” A pause. “Do you think I’m really allowed to have this?”
“What?”
“Do I really deserve to be thinking of all these future plans with Shouto when I was the one who broke him in the first place?” Turning his wide-eyed gaze to her, he barreled on, “I broke his heart and made him so miserable, and I know he still said he loved me, but I just…I can’t help but wonder if I really deserve this?”
Ochako’s confusion gave way to understanding. Sighing softly, she placed a warm hand on his shoulder.
“You answered the question yourself, you know. It seems to me like he already answered it by saying he still loves you despite everything that’s happened.”
“That’s different though.”
“Is it really?” Her pink lips formed a sweet yet amused smile. “Whether or not you believe he deserves you, he’s still choosing to love you.”
She then laughed, amusement filling her eyes. “Wow. I’m afraid those negative thoughts of yours finally met their match with him.”
Despite his worries, Izuku couldn’t help but let out a chuckle at that. “Yeah. Maybe.”
Ochako lingered for an hour more to update him on the status of the cleanup at the building collapse that was apparently still ongoing, as well as to give him the latest gossip over his students and their new professor. Apparently they were devastated not to have him for the first term, something Izuku thought impossible but was nonetheless horribly pleased with.
Ochako left around noon with the excuse that she had promised to meet Tenya for a lunch date, leaving Izuku alone with Shouto again.
It had been like that for five days. Katsuki had given him the week off for his ‘injuries to heal,’ though Izuku suspected it had more to do with Shouto’s state. He was truly a softie when it came to matters of romance like this ever since he and Eijirou first became a couple a few years ago.
Izuku watched Shouto’s steady chest rise and fall, the beeping of the heart monitor beeping rhythmically and the IV drip slowly with pain killers. He knew he couldn’t do anything, yet being beside him made him feel better than sitting at home waiting for the news that he was awake. Besides, he needed to be here when Shouto woke up. He’d wasted over half a decade pretending he wasn’t in love when he was; he wanted his beginning with Shouto to begin as soon as possible.
Deciding to make himself useful, Izuku stood up and began to clean the pile of gifts up. Dozens of sunflowers, tulips, roses and daisies littered the windowsill, gifted by worried friends and family. The more withered ones got pushed back so the fresher flowers were at the front. Shouto would never forgive him for throwing away flowers, because he always insisted he could save them. I have a green thumb, he’d say like the ridiculous man he was.
Izuku loved him endlessly.
Balloons with smiley faces and cats attached to Get Well Soon cards were rearranged so the funny cat ones were at the front. He knew they would make Shouto laugh. The plate of unpeeled oranges that Natsuo had left out “because he likes oranges so it might help” were placed at his bedside table, because Izuku would take a chance on anything to wake him up.
The orange cat plush from their trip to Okinawa catches his eye. Picking it up, Izuku pressed it to his face, inhaling the scent. If he focused enough he could smell the sea-side salt air and taste the ocean on Shouto’s lips after making out in the kitchen after a day at the beach. If he focused enough he could hear Shouto’s laughter at Izuku’s sunburnt back and see his sun-kissed smile captured by the Polaroid camera Izuku had brought with the sole intention of capturing pictures of him to keep for himself; physical reminders of Shouto when he couldn’t have him anymore.
Okinawa. The ocean. The sand. You, just you, loving me all along.
Sitting down on the chair at Shouto’s bedside, Izuku opened his eyes and held the plush up at eye-level
“I wonder if you have a name,” he mused aloud.
“Three,” Shouto rasped.
Izuku nearly dropped the cat plush. His neck almost snapped by how fast his head twisted to look at Shouto, whose eyes were fluttering open and fingers were twitching at his side.
“Shouto!” Clutching the cat plush tightly in his hands, Izuku practically tripped over himself to stand up and lean over Shouto’s bedside. “Shouto, are you awake?”
Shouto’s marble gray and turquoise blue eyes finally fluttered completely open, and gasping shakily, his gaze flickered around the room.
“Where…where am I?” Hazy gaze flickering over to Izuku, his twitching fingers stilled at his sides. “Izuku?”
Izuku couldn’t help the sob that escaped his throat before he was running out of the room, cat plush forgotten on the bed.
“Nurse! Doctor! He’s awake!”
Various medical personnel rushed into the room while Izuku shakily pulled out his phone to inform Shouto’s family. Fuyumi promised to be there as soon as she was out of work and Natsuo promised to take the next train out of Fukuoka the next day to visit. Momo burst into tears when he called her, and yeah, Izuku could relate.
It took an hour before Shouto was cleared to receive visitors again. The nurse who had been in charge of him for the week —Miyazono, he remembered— patted his shoulder and smiled at him as she told him the news.
“No deficits. Just try to ease him into talking again. It might be a few hours before he’s fully aware of everything again.”
No sooner were the words out of her mouth that Izuku was back in the room, closing the door behind him for privacy.
Shouto was propped up a little in bed now, enough for his eyes to immediately snap to Izuku when he entered the room. Despite being comatose just an hour before, he looked pretty alert.
You’re so cool, Number Two.
“Hey,” Izuku greeted with a shaky smile. “Welcome back to the world of the living.”
Shouto opened his mouth to say something before closing it again. Brows scrunching and unscrunching, he finally said softly, “Thank you. Sorry for making everyone worry.”
“You have nothing to be sorry about. I’m just sorry I couldn’t pull you away in time before the stupid explosion happened.” Sitting down on the chair at his bedside, he said gently, “I’m glad you’re back.”
Shouto grimaced as he gestured at his abdomen. “Most of me. I apparently don’t have a spleen anymore.”
“Yeah, the doctor said the damage was pretty extensive and trying to save it wasn’t a priority over your heart.” Quietly, he said, “Honestly, I have to agree with him.”
“That’s right. My heart.” Shouto blinked slowly. “What happened to my heart?”
“Didn’t they tell you?”
“They tried to explain it to me, but I wasn’t listening. But I’m sure you know what happened. You were with me, weren’t you?”
Swallowing the lump in his throat, Izuku said, “Your heart stopped on the way to the hospital and stopped again a few times in the operating room.”
“Oh,” Shouto breathed quietly. “That’s a first for me.” Noting the strained smile on his face, Shouto softly said, “I’m sorry.”
“What are you sorry for?”
Shouto reached out seemingly to press his fingers to the eyebags on Izuku’s face, but retracted them before they could touch skin. Eyes averted to his legs, he pressed his lips thinly together.
“You look terrible. I’m assuming that’s my fault. I’m sorry for worrying you.”
Despite the solemnity of Shouto’s words, Izuku couldn’t help but let out a snort. At Shouto’s confused look, Izuku’s shaky smile turned into something a little playful.
“I look terrible? Geez, you sure know the way to a guy’s heart.”
Shouto’s eyes widened. Cheeks flushed, he stuttered, “That’s not…I didn’t mean it like that–”
Izuku burst out laughing at that. Affection filled his chest as he watched Shouto frown, his eyes full of uncertainty as they watched Izuku laugh.
“I’m sorry, it’s just–” Taking a breath, Izuku’s wide smile settled into something smaller; something fond. “I know. I haven’t been sleeping well since Paris.”
Shouto’s eyes darted to his hands at the mention of Paris. “Right. Paris.” Silence. “Are we going to talk about it?”
Sobering up, Izuku nodded. “We should. We’ve avoided it for long enough.”
“You’re right. I–”
“Hold on, will you?” Smiling weakly at him, Izuku’s hands curled tightly over his knees. “You already had your turn to say your piece. I think it’s my turn to talk now.”
Shouto stared at him, but nodded nonetheless. “Go ahead.”
“Right.” Izuku exhaled shakily, emerald eyes meeting beautiful mismatched ones. “I’ve been thinking about how I’d put it into words for the last week, but now that we’re here I can’t even begin to put it all into words. It’s like…you’re here, and everything’s better. And that’s not a new thing, because it’s been a thing since we met.”
“Izuku…”
“I have terrible luck with everything,” Izuku barreled on, flashing him a weak smile. “My dreams, my relationships…I never get to have what I want. I’m always losing the things I care about the most.”
Smile fracturing and tears pooling in his eyes, Izuku continued, “S-so when I heard that you apparently loved me despite the shitshow I’d put us through for six years, I vowed to tell you everything as soon as I could. But then that stupid building collapsed and you confessed your love right before you passed out and then your heart stopped–”
A choked sob escaped Izuku’s throat as he leaned forward, elbows on his knees and head in his hands. “I was so scared, Shouto. I’m–I’m used to losing things, but you’re the one thing I can’t lose.”
Izuku looked up at that, and with tears streaming down his face, he confessed, “I love you, Shouto. That’s been the truth from the beginning. I can’t exist if you don’t, nor would I want to. You’ve been my best friend for years, and I was so caught up on not losing you that I was willing to put my stupid feelings aside and false hopes to accept whatever you were willing to give me. But I was so focused on myself that I never realized I was hurting you and– Shouto, I’m so sorry.”
Shouto’s lips quivered at that and his eyes grew glossy. “You don’t have to apologize–”
“But I do!” Izuku insisted with tears in his eyes. “I hurt you for years and you never said a word. I didn’t tell you the truth of how devastated I still was about losing my quirk, I didn’t tell you what I really wanted, and I didn’t see the freaking signs that were everywhere around me. I was so focused on using what we had to keep me afloat that I hurt you and you just let me, because you’re so good and I’m terrible–”
“You are not terrible,” Shouto fiercely snapped, glaring at him and simultaneously silencing him. “Don’t you dare say that. Was I hurt? Of course I was. But I could have said something as well. It was my choice to keep our arrangement going as long as it did because I couldn’t gather the courage to tell you what I wanted. I was content to keep you in my life, no matter how. I’m equally to blame for this mess.”
“I still should have seen it. I was so buried in my own head that I didn’t see how stupidly we handled the arrangement. We literally had dinner at your sister’s house regularly and went to birthday parties together, and not only that but I practically lived with you–” Izuku grit his jaw, anger coursing through him. “I felt like we were dating that whole time, and I acted like we broke up after we ended the arrangement, but I never even once dared to tell you I loved you. All I did was kiss you and use you and–”
“Hey.” A soft, gentle hand cradled his left jaw. Meeting Shouto’s eyes, Izuku fell silent again. “Listen to me, Izuku. Listen to me well. I’m not going to sit here and let you apologize for a mistake we both made.”
“Shouto–”
“I knew what we were doing wasn’t just sex,” Shouto confessed with a pained expression on his face. “I knew that the morning kisses and grading papers over breakfast wasn’t casual. I was too scared to hope that I could keep having that if I told you I loved you, so I didn’t. But god, Izuku, I loved you. I loved you more than my heart could handle.”
“But–”
“If you’re going to apologize, then let me apologize too. I’m sorry for denying what we had and acting like it meant nothing. It meant everything to me. You mean everything to me, and I’ll spend the rest of my life apologizing for pretending you’re easy to get over because you’re not. I’m never going to get over you.”
“You suck,” Izuku cried as he clutched tightly onto the hand cradling his face. “You suck so much. First you confess on your deathbed, and then you steal my moment and confess again…”
Smiling softly, Shouto said fondly, “Sorry.”
“You’re really a force to be reckoned with,” Izuku laughed through his tears. Wiping them away, he said, “I still don’t know if I deserve you. You don’t let me pretend I’m happy when I’m miserable. You’re not afraid to call me out on my bullshit on the field or off. You’re not afraid to tell the world you love me even when you don’t know what I’ll say.”
“You think too highly of me. I was terrified,” Shouto confessed with pink cheeks. “That day at the agency? After our relapse in Paris? I still wasn’t convinced it was more than just sex. But someone chased after me and told me that I was being stupid and to really look at what was happening, and after that I made my decision.”
Izuku gaped at him, eyes wide. “Kacchan?”
Shouto nodded, eyes warmly focused on where Izuku was holding onto his hand. “We owe him a very nice wedding present.”
Izuku huffed at that, letting his forehead rest against his and Shouto’s joint hands. “I owe him more than that after my press conference statements…”
Shouto frowned. “What press conference?”
“It’s nothing.” Izuku sighed, cheeks flushed red. Looking at Shouto’s beautiful frowning face, he felt his heart grow ten times its size in his chest. “Hey, Shouto?”
“Hm?”
“I love you,” Izuku said again, like it was as easy as breathing. When Shouto’s eyes widened, he smiled and pressed a kiss to his pale hand. “Will you go on a date with me?”
“Izuku, I don’t mean to alarm you, but I think we’re been dating the whole time,” Shouto deadpanned, but his lips were fighting to form a smile and his eyes were glowing.
Izuku laughed at that, leaning forward to take both of Shouto’s hands in his own. “Right, silly me. What should we do if we’ve been dating for six years, then?”
With a devious glint in his eyes, he asked, “Do you want to get married?”
Shouto stared at him with wide eyes and pink cheeks, and his fingers twitched in Izuku’s hands. “Are…are you being serious?”
“Depends. Do you want to get married?”
“I…” Shouto rapidly closed and opened his mouth for a few seconds, clearly at a loss for words. “You still have your apartment.”
“Half of my wardrobe and kitchen supplies are still at your place. I can put it up for sale and move in with you.”
“You just started working full-time as a hero again. Your schedule is still up in the air when you return to teaching next term.”
“You already help me grade classwork and if we live together we’d see each other every day even if our work schedules get a little crazy.”
Shouto licked his lips before asking, "You're sure you want this?”
“I’ve wanted you for six years. I’m not going to let you go when I finally have you.” Suddenly serious, Izuku said, “I’m okay with dating if that’s what you want. I’m okay with taking it slow to make up for lost time. I’m okay with anything so long as it’s with you.”
“You’d really be willing to settle down with me?” Shouto asked, searching Izuku’s face for any sign that he was lying.
“Anything. Everything.”
Shouto stared at him for a few seconds before breaking out into a small, teasing smile. “You don’t even have a ring to ask me this.”
“I could get one. A nice one. It’ll be better than the one Kacchan got for Eijirou.”
Shouto finally let out a beautiful laugh, one that filled Izuku’s hollow bones with honey and made his heart swell.
His fond eyes landed on Izuku, and smiling, he said, “As attractive as your commitment to me is, let’s go on a few dates first. Then you can buy me a nice ring and we can talk more seriously about a wedding.”
“Okay,” Izuku breathed, smiling so widely that his cheeks ached. “Whatever you want. I’ll give you anything you want.”
“Will you go to the Bakugou-Kirishima wedding with me?”
Grinning, Izuku said, “You don’t even have to ask. You were always my date in my mind.”
“Okay. Then how about a kiss?”
Izuku laughed, and when his lips met Shouto’s lips, it was with the relief of knowing that he didn’t have to fear that this would be their last kiss.
There was no sense of urgency in the kiss, no lust or secrecy; it was sweet, unguarded and slow because Izuku knew with certainty for the first time in his life that he’d get to love Shouto for the rest of his life without inhibition or secrecy.