Chapter Text
the secret cast of the muppet (20+)
8 : 20
checo :
yuki, pierre, isack, and i just got to the hotel
wow george you sure wolf paid for this?
there's an outdoor waterfountain indoors
george :
do you know how filthy rich professor wolf is?
alonso :
that sure should NOT be coming out of your mouth
but yeah wolf is rich as hell
this trip was probably pocket money for him
isack :
spare some change for the poor holy moly
oscar :
maybe we should get guanyu to order a beggar bowl for us from china
guanyu :
you better shave your head too
OH MY GOD GUYS I JUST SAW BOTTAS
OUR FAVORITE ALUMNI MUAH
daniel :
BOTTAS IS HERE?????
lewis :
no he's on a poster in an advertisement for some travel company
scantily covered, may I add
daniel :
I NEED TO SEE THIS
guanyu PLEASE tell me you got photos
alex :
oh the shining pinnacle of the male anatomy
valtteri bottas, in all his glory
standing tall for the male quary
logan :
he's actually lying down in a donut floatie
alex :
can you fuck off
logan :
we are two atoms away in this cramped ass ford explorer because your fatass insisted on buying airport snacks
so no, we cannot
alex :
im going to castrate your whole male bloodline
logan :
at least we have dicks
guanyu :
damn what happened with YOU guys
the uber ride cannot be this bad
ollie :
it is pretty bad
alex dropped his phone in the seat crack and logan sat on it
nothing happened to it but alex can't handle anything happening to his precious phone because he's sooooo addicted
alex :
i am NOT getting dissed by a overgrown tree embryo
ollie :
trees don't have embryos, they have seeds
WHAT THE FUCK
STOP KICKING MY SEAT
oscar :
what is this infantile behavior
alonso what are you doing
alonso :
im in shotgun and the uber driver is deaf
so this is entertaining
yuki :
can you guys lock in and drive faster
like im hungry asf and george says we can't eat w/out you guys
because we're a team or some bullshit
pierre :
yuki i have snacks
yuki :
yourself doesn't count
pierre :
...
i meant the ketchup chips
yuki :
oh yay
checo :
...
oscar :
god forsaken
guanyu :
kys
actually kys
when i catch you i swear
yuki :
suck a dick
liam :
my hotel room better be 40000000 km away from these two
those sheets are going to be wet and its not going to be water
lando :
room service is gonna wonder why the lotion is sticky
daniel :
"why are they fighting at 2 am??"
charles :
pierre's gonna have 7 bandaids on his neck tomorrow morning
pierre :
check my back too
george :
keep your... vulgarities to yourself.
lewis :
how are you flushed reading about sex
this isn't even about you love
alonso :
AAHSJKALSJAAHAHA
kimi :
:O
ARE THEY FUCKING???
george :
kimi, no.
ollie :
kimi george fucks too
kimi :
:O
george :
alex.
kick oliver's seat as hard as you can
ollie :
BITCH
alex :
DESERVED
isack :
BASHASBHAJSKASJKASJASkl
The automatic doors slide open, and in walks Alex, Logan, Ollie, Kimi, and Alonso, their carry-ons in tow and some expressions more worse for wear. Logan's holding Alex's phone with a triumphant grin, his backpack a defensive shield against the other's punches. Ollie promptly sticks his tongue out to George, to which the latter reciprocates with a middle finger.
"Rather crass action for someone as polished as you," Professor Wolff drawls, before beckoning people to come up to receive their room cards, while the concierge graciously offers to take their luggage to their room for them. "Two people per room, your assignments were as per your requests. Do try to not make our school look horrific as your team waddles around Milton Keynes. We'll meet here tomorrow morning at 7 AM to drive over to the base."
The team thanks the professor and the man leaves, and such all attention is on George and Lewis.
"Where are we going for dinner tonight?" Norris pipes up, munching on a waffle Oscar saved for him earlier. He'd woken up from his nap in the car, mentioning he was starving.
George points to the lounge. "I figured none of you would want to walk around after the flight, so I reserved the lounge buffet for us. It does not include the bar, and if you were to purchase cocktails, do not drink yourselves to a hangover tomorrow morning."
"I mean, the best way to avoid a hangover is to keep drinking."
"I'm not holding your head if you vomit, Daniel."
"Appreciate the love, Checo. Make sure you don't fall face flat in the ice bucket."
"Free blush."
"Grandpas, can we get our walkers on and move." Guanyu groans, already dragging Liam who looked a bit too smug for someone’s whose shirt was basically on the verge of tearing from Guanyu’s strength. Logan's already off with Alex and Carlos, somehow the prospect of food making up for all the shit feelings emanating from the car ride.
They all rush for the buffet the moment they’re allowed, grabbing fresh white plates that are to be desecrated with whatever unholy food combinations they’ve deemed appropriate. Most of the seniors are…relatively normal - their plates including an assortment of everything they properly enjoy and are well balanced. Pierre’s plate was basically colonized by Yuki, and the two just share three plates which include a spread of everything at the buffet, as Yuki wants to try out everything. Lando’s plate notably contains no seafood.
“Ew, what the fuck is wrong with you?” Logan snarls when he sees Alex’s plate.
Lewis leans over to see if and positively laughs his ass off. “Did you put hershey’s chocolate sauce on your shrimp, mate?”
Alex doesn’t even hesitate, shoving a piece of chocolate covered shrimp into Logan’s mouth, a bright, vicious smile on his face. “Eat shit, Logan.”
George simply whacks Alex on the head with all the grace of the older childhood friend he is to Alex. Kimi, morbidly curious, sneaks a bite of it off Alex’s plate, and has a look of pure joy.
”You wanna try it, Ollie?”
”Your - half eaten piece of chocolate shrimp?” Ollie looks like he’s genuinely considering it. Guanyu simply pulls out his phone while Liam snickers in the back. Seeing Kimi’s not-so-averse reaction, Ollie nods, taking the piece. Alex mock gags at the show, while cackles erupt when Ollie spits it out immediately. Kimi finally takes a big breath as he spits his piece out too.
”I know some people do put chocolate in seafood but that is vile, Alex.” Kimi mocks throwing up. George just grabs a napkin to cover up the crime.
“Behave,” George says.
”Be-have!” Alonso and Daniel whistle, to which Checo mocks the George trademarked “I’m disappointed in all these overgrown children” pose.
Dinner is … relatively successful. Charles twirls his pasta in the air to prove a point and accidentally stabs the back of his fork in Max’s eye. Logan unties Alex’s shoelaces while the other doesn’t notice. Carlos is critiquing all the food with the finesse of Dora the explorer, as the seniors watch is amusement. Lando has slid halfway down the seat trying to grab his wallet with his foot that slid out his pocket and onto the floor. Oscar looks too disturbed for someone eating premium steak. Liam has been playing word hunt while eating with Guanyu. Isack and Yuki are competing in who can eat the most caviar from the bar. Pierre and Lewis are engrossed in a conversation about how being vegetarian affects the livelihood of pigeons, complete with sound effects.
Toto Wolff sits miles away from them. Figuratively. Somewhat literally. He does not know these people.