Chapter Text
Amelia doesn’t move. She can’t talk. This is the definition of being at a loss for words. She looks at the door. Monica just left. Amelia didn’t do anything. She didn’t say anything. Now Monica is gone and Kai is here, just walking like they own the place and nothing happened.
She looks a Kai now. They are heading for the living room with a small smirk and all the confidence in the world. Then Amelia looks at the door again.
Kai’s gaze sweeps the apartment like they are reminiscing, glancing around like they cataloguing changes, like they belong in there and Amelia’s stomach twists a little.
There’s no hesitation in them. No uncertainty. Just that same composed, effortless confidence Amelia remembers too well.
“She seems nice,” they finally speak, almost absently.
Amelia doesn’t answer.
Kai keeps going anyway, pacing slowly, fingers brushing over the back of the couch, the edge of the table, reacquainting themselves with a place they used to know. “She works at Grey Sloan, right? She said she would see you….” They pause, tilting their head slightly, “I assume she’s new?”
Still nothing.
Amelia hasn’t moved from the hallway. Hasn’t even blinked properly.
Her mind is still outside, still following Monica down the hall, still stuck in the way she said I’ll see you at the hospital with some kind of sad, hopeless voice that Amelia has only heard one time before. That night with the storm. Monica was hopeless and sad and lonely and blaming herself for everything.
Kai turns back toward her, studying her now.
“So what’s her name?”
That does it.
Amelia snaps.
“What the hell are you doing here?” Amelia is catching up to reality all at once, she sounds sharp and angry.
Kai exhales through their nose, almost amused. They totally expected this. “What do you think I’m doing here?”
Amelia lets out a short, incredulous laugh, her arms finally moving, hands flying up as she gestures wildly. “No idea. Seriously. No clue. Because it’s been years, Kai. Years. And I haven’t heard a thing from you.” Her voice rises, emotion cracking through the shock. “And I moved on. And suddenly you’re just what? Here?”
Kai’s expression shifts slightly “So that’s what that was?” They asks, nodding toward the door. “You moving on?”
Amelia stiffens.
“How long have you been together?”
“That’s none of your business.”
Kai huffs a small breath, running a hand through their short hair, still pacing, still too composed for this conversation. “Come on. I just want to talk. Just… entertain it.”
Amelia rolls her eyes. She can feel her jaw tightening “I guess you could say it’s been a thing since…” she hesitates, annoyed even at herself, “yesterday.”
The word lands awkwardly in the air.
Kai lets out a soft, almost disbelieving sound. “Wow. Sounds very solid.”
Amelia shoots her a glare. “Like I said. It’s none of your business. Whatever I’m doing, or whoever I’m doing it with-”
“Amelia…” Kai cuts in, stepping closer. “I know it’s not. And I don’t care about that.” They gesture vaguely, dismissing the entire topic. “I’m here to talk. All that is… very cute, but it started yesterday. And it’s not-” they pause and their voice lowers, sounding more intentional now, “it’s not us.”
Amelia blinks at them, anger flaring again. “Okay. First of all, technically it didn’t start yesterday. It just-” she stops herself, shaking her head, frustrated. She doesn’t really have to give them any explanations, does she? “You know what? It doesn’t matter. Because Monica doesn’t even change he fact that-”
“Amelia.”
Kai steps closer again, closing the distance in a way that feels familiar and very dangerous. Their voice softens, all smooth and controlled. IT’s just the way it always used to sound when they wanted something.
“Come on… let’s just talk.”
And despite everything, despite the anger and the shock and the very real urge to throw them back out the door… Amelia’s defenses drop, just a fraction. Her arms fall to her sides.
Her voice is smaller when she answers. “Talk about what?”
Kai doesn’t hesitate this time. “I’m sorry.” And it lands heavier than anything else they have said.
Amelia’s eyes flicker.
“I’m really sorry,” Kai continues, holding Amelia’s gaze now, no more pacing, no more distractions. “That’s the first thing. I’ve known it for a long time. And I missed you every second I’ve known it.”
Amelia scoffs “You had a funny way of showing it.”
Kai nods once, accepting it. “Because you hated me. And I hated me.” their voice tightens slightly, just enough to feel real. “I didn’t have things figured out. I needed time and… I- I guess I also needed to face the reality of not having you.”
Amelia’s chest rises and falls, her anger flickers and mixes with something else she doesn’t want to even understand.
Kai steps closer again, slower now, more careful.
“Amelia, I know… I know now. I…” they say, softer. “I got everything I ever wanted. Everything I thought I was supposed to want. And I wasn’t happy.” They shake their head slightly. “Because you weren’t there.”
Amelia’s expression shifts, just barely.
“All I could think about was that none of it mattered. Not anymore.” Kai’s voice steadies, more certain with every word. “You changed that. You changed my entire life. My perspective. The things I’m willing to do. The things I want in my life. You did all that”
Amelia lets out a breath and something defensive rises back up. “So what?” she asks, sharper again trying to find some control “You’re also cool with my son in your life now?”
There’s a beat and then Kai smiles.
And Amelia just… stares at them.
That- that wasn’t hesitation. That was certainty. Which makes everything a bit worse.
Monica grips the steering wheel a little tighter than necessary as she drives. Thankfully, her car is still parked outside Amelia’s building. It’s something small and stupid. Yet it feels like a lot more.
Her car at Amelia’s place… spending the night, sharing space like that, waking up tangled together and actually sharing the morning… without ending in disaster. They were so close this time.
Are they cursed?
This morning was supposed to be all that. They had finally figured it out. For a moment it was just sunlight and tangled sheets and Amelia’s fingers tracing her skin, that low and raspy voice…
For as long as you want
Monica exhales sharply, like she can shake it out of her system. It’s been like a day. Just one day.
Her grip tightens again.
No.
No, that’s ridiculous. She can trust Amelia. She knows she can trust her. It’s not like she thinks Amelia is doing something right now but… it’s her ex that completely turned her life upside down. Her tall and brooding ex and-
No.
Monica leans back in her seat when she finally parks at the hospital. She closes her eyes for a second.
She should trust Amelia. She does trust Amelia. But this isn’t about that. It’s about… what if Amelia feels something?
What if seeing Kai again, after everything, what if that re-opens something?
This thing between them is new, and it’s been just a day, and it’s been chaotic, intense, and completely unhinged in a way that somehow felt more real than anything Monica’s had in years.
Nothing is written in stone.
And now, suddenly, those small moments from this morning, the ones that felt almost insignificant at the time… feel like everything. Sheets, touch, smiles and sunlight… those are all the things Monica doesn’t want to lose. Not before she even gets to have them properly.
And if Amelia still has feelings for Kai, then she doesn’t have a choice. She has to let her go. The thought settles painfully in her chest, but with a kind of clarity that makes her hate it even more.
It feels like her heart is breaking just with the thought.
Monica gets out of the car and grabs her phone. She sighs, already annoyed at what she’s about to do before she makes the call.
It rings once. Twice.
“Dr. Beltran?? Hi! Is everything okay with Mr. Miller?”
Monica rubs her forehead. “Y- yeah. Yeah. She’s okay“ She sighs again “…Are you coming to the hospital today?”
There’s a pause on the other end.
“No… why?” Arizona sounds suspicious, then it clicks…“Oh, now what happened?”
Monica exhales, irritation slipping in. “Can you come?”
“We’ve said goodbye to everybody like five times already,” the voice shoots back. “I really need to be back in New York. What did you do now? You guys promised you were going to be okay.”
Monica closes her eyes briefly.
“Can you just come?” she repeats, more irritated “I need to… talk to someone. And as much as I don’t like it, I think you’re the only person I can talk to.”
There’s a sigh on the other end.
“Fine,” Arizona finally says. “I can do Joe’s bar at lunch. Meet me there. I have like ten minutes. And we’re fixing whatever this is in ten minutes.”
Monica nods to herself. “Yeah…” A pause. “I think I can stall Amelia until lunch”
“Sta- what happened?!”
Monica winces slightly but ignores her. “Thank you, see you at Joe’s.” She hangs up before Arizona can say anything else.
“What changed?” Amelia asks, crossing her arms and walking closer.
“Me” Kai replies with a shrug “You… the fact that I really- I thought I had everything figured out, and I thought that I knew what I wanted. And I did. Except you changed it. And I know that I want you more so my entire system has changed. I am willing to-“
“Oh so you’re willing to tolerate a kid in your life just because you want me…”
Kai shakes their head “It’s not like that, don’t put it like that” They take a step closer.
“You are making it sound like that. Like it’s some kind of sacrifice”
“Amelia, it’s not simple. Changing what a person has planned for their entire life is not simple. So it is, in a way. A sacrifice. Not in a bad way. In a hard way, which is different. It’s something that requires changing a paradigm, doing to work”
Amelia shakes her head and scoffs “You are not talking about my son like it’s some scientific experiment”
“It’s the only way I know. Come one, I know that you like that” The smirk a little.
“When we were working. This is life-“
“Exactly!” Kai moves their hands, and then reaches for Amelia’s arms “It’s life. And I’m willing to do anything to make it work” They sigh “Look, I know you’re not looking for a parent. You’re already a great mom, and… Atticus seems to be a decent dad-“
“He’s a great dad”
“Yeah… whatever. The point is… I want to be a part of everything. I can be a buddy, I can help with homework, I can share our space and my space and I can move my entire life because what I want- I told you once that I didn’t want my dreams to come in second. But I realize that my dream is just you. And Scout is part of you. And I can put my shit second. I know I can do this-“
Amelia scoffs and shakes her head in disbelief “A little late for that, don’t you think?”
“It takes time to move your life back here”
Amelia freezes and looks at them again “You…”
Kai shrugs “We were making good progress. We have good funding. I convinced them to have a lab in the United States. Any hospital could benefit from this. I’m sure if I send the proposal to the Fox foundation they will give us the space”
Amelia is at a loss for words… again.
“I can choose Seattle and work from here. We can have everything. If you just want it”
Have everything?
Amelia blinks. She knows the feeling. She has wanted to eebe chosen, to matter, to finally feel like she’s found her home. And everything Kai just said… it just finally made everything click into place. It’s so clear now.
Monica tries to just get busy. She needs the distraction. She does rounds and then oversees discharges herself. She doesn’t have any big surgeries until the afternoon, so she also goes down to the ER.
No patients.
Which is good. No kids getting hurt is good, but she kinda needs to be doing something or she’s gong to smash her head against a wall.
“Dr. Beltran?”
“What, Millin?” Jules has just been following her the entire time.
“We could check on the Russell twins. They are in the NI-“
“I already did that this morning” Monica sighs and then stops in her tracks, making Jules almost crash into her “We could go again”
Jules just blinks “You… sure you’re okay?”
Monica almost rolls her eyes “Yes, Millin” She sighs “I think I’ll just catch up with charts in my office. Page me if something comes up. Just go make yourself useful”
Jules just nods.
And then Monica sees her.
Amelia.
She’s walking down the halfway, maybe 20 feet behind Millin, and walking fast. She sees Monica and then smiles a little, picking up the pace.
“Oh shit” Monica turns around and heads for her office. As if she’s not totally aware that Amelia already saw her and is catching up to her.
“Dr. Beltran?” Amelia raises her voice a little. She tries to sound normal and professional.
Monica keeps walking. But then Amelia is just right there behind her. How is she so fast with those tiny legs?
Monica turns around, forcing herself to smile. “Hmm?”
“Are you okay? Did you not hear me?”
“Uh… I’ve been- It’s been a very busy morning, sorry. I was a little distracted” She swallows and keeps forcing a smile.
“Sorry to hear that” Amelia says and puts her hands in her pockets. Her shoulders pop up a little “I… Also I’m sorry about this morning”
“Yeah don’t- don’t worry about that” Monica shrugs, trying to sound nonchalant “Uhm… but I- right now it’s a little busy”
“You have a surgery? I was hoping…” Amelia clears her throat, and also tries to force a smile but her lip trembles a little “we need to talk…”
Oh…
“I actually do have a…”
What is she going to do now? Lie? Avoid it? She had thought about it already. If this is it, she has no other option than accept it.
“Dr. Beltran!”
But not right now. God, she could kiss Millin.
The resident approaches them, having witnessed the entire thing and just says the first thing that comes to mind “The Russel twins…”
“The Russell Twins!!” Monica repeats “Thank you, Dr. Millin” Then she looks at Amelia “I’m sorry. I actually have to…”
“Do you have to go right now? It’s just going to take a minute…”
Monica turns to Millin and opens her eyes a little wider. The resident just nods rapidly and nervously “Yeah. Yes… they need you right now”
“We can talk later”
“I do have a surgery” Amelia replies, looking a little disappointed.
“Then after your surgery! It’s okay. I’m just gonna…” Then she grabs Millin’s arm and they get our of there as fast as they can.
Monica lets out a breath she didn’t even realize she was holding when they get in the elevator “Thanks”
“It’s okay” Millin replies, then clears her throat and looks up “I hope everything is okay with… Dr. Shepherd. She’s- she’s very nice and very… you know. She looks… not that I-“
Monica finally looks at her “Millin…”
“I’m so sorry. It’s just… the hospital talks. A lot. And last night you two were- and if something is wrong, I hope you can fix it. I know that sometimes talking sounds really scary, but believe me, living without that person is a lot more scary. It can always be fixed”
This time Monica doesn’t yell at her. She just looks down. Because Millin is right. This is scary, it’s terrifying, but the problem is that if Amelia has already made her mind there’s not much Monica can do, and just thinking about facing that is breaking her heart already.
The rest of the morning she doesn’t have to do much to avoid Amelia. Her surgery ends up going longer than anticipated. Monica stops by the gallery for a minute before heading for Joe’s.
And Amelia is just there, looking confident and amazing as she always does. Her hands are really a work of art. They make the smallest, most precise movements, catching bleeds so fast, like it’s nothing. She almost makes it look easy, but all the interns and residents watch in awe from their seats.
And Monica is no different. She’s seen a lot of good surgeons in her life, but very few if any that are gifted like this, like they are born with some kind of super human power and also have such love and dedication for what they do. How could she not-
How could she not love someone like that?
She smiles one last time before leaving. The rest of the walk is almost in auto pilot. She changes out of her scrubs quickly and heads out.
Arizona is already waiting. She gets up from her stool and gives Monica a hug, which catches her by surprise.
“Oh my god. You look like a sick puppy. Like a sick, sad puppy that also got kicked”
“Okay, thanks” Monica rolls her eyes and takes the stool next to Arizona. “Where is your wife?”
“We’re technically not married… at the moment” Arizona smiles, as she does “She’s finishing packing. I didn’t lie when I said that I only have 10 minutes. Also we can’t keep babying you two forever, you know?”
Monica sighs “Maybe you won’t have to” then she turns to order a sparkling water.
Arizona studies her. This time it seems more serious than just them being their usual stubborn idiots, so her tone goes softer “What happened?”
“Kai showed up. Amelia’s ex. The same ex that turned her life upside down and made her love like she had never loved before or whatever…”
“Wow. Amelia told you all that?”
“Kinda” Monica looks down and crosses her arms over the bar counter. “I don’t know if she still feels something. I don’t know if they could work, but if they are here is because they want Amelia back”
“Well, that sucks for them, she’s with you now” Arizona shrugs and takes a sip from her drink.
“She’s been with me for a day”
“So what? It’s still official. You think that Amelia would cheat on you because it’s just been a day?”
Monica shakes her head “I don’t think she would cheat on me at all, but she could have feelings for Kai, real feelings. And Kai is here, willing to fight for her-“
“Okay, enough about Kai. What are you willing to do?”
Monica just frowns so Arizona speaks again.
“Kai is going to fight, what about you?”
“I don’t want to make it more difficult”
“Come on… bullshit” Arizona says and then her eyes drift for a second behind Monica. She smiles subtly. “Are you going to let it all go to waste just because you’re jealous again?”
“I’m not jealous. This is- this is different. I was jealous before because I thought she was sleeping with you and it made me mad because I didn’t even know how she felt, or how I felt”
“And you know how you feel now?”
Monica looks down “I love her. I am so in love with her that I can’t possibly make her choose and hurt her. If she has real feelings I can’t-“
“You can’t what?”
Monica blinks. That’s not Robbins’ voice. She looks up and the blonde is smiling. Then she takes her drink and leaves without a word.
“Monica?” Amelia repeats behind her and Monica just turns in her chair to face her. She’s just standing there with bright eyes and a soft smile.
And Monica can’t even speak.
“I really hope you were talking about me when you said all those things or this is about to be very awkward”
Monica chuckles and then she smiles.
Screw it.
Arizona is right, even Millin was right. Kai doesn’t get to be the only one in the fight.
“That was bullshit”
Now Amelia frowns “That you’re in love with me?”
Monica closes her eyes and shakes her head “Not that. Definitely not that” Then she looks at Amelia and reaches for her hands, pulling her a little closer “Maybe you still have feelings for Kai, I don’t know and I don’t care. But I think you should give us a chance. Maybe we’ve been together for a day and you have all that history with them, but we’re worth the fight. We’re worth a chance” Monica swallows “I thought I just had to let you go and not make things harder for you, but that doesn’t seem fair. I’m not giving up, because I just don’t want to. I do love you. And if you need time to decide, I’ll do anything-“
“Okay stop” Amelia finally speaks, she can’t hold her smile any longer.
“What?” Monica just looks more confused, and her heart is beating faster then ever.
Amelia frowns “Who told you that I have feelings for Kai?”
“I- Oh… I thought… I mean it was a possibility”
Amelia tilts her head and walks closer, standing between Monica’s legs and cupping her head gently “Maybe it was”
“They want you back, right?”
“Oh yeah. They said all the right things. Everything I ever dreamed they would say when we were together”
“And?”
Amelia moves a strand of hair behind Monica’s ear “It made me realize I really want all of that. Just… not with them”
Monica raises her eyebrows, then her concern start to disappear and finally be replaced by a small, hopeful smile. Her heart still beats fast, just for different reasons.
“If anything, seeing them made everything so clear, and so easy” Amelia says, stroking Monica’s cheek with her thumb “I could never want them back, no matter what they offer. Because I want you”
“That’s- that’s very convenient. Since I just basically said that I love you after being together for a day”
“I mean, we gone to multiple first dates” Amelia says and they both laugh “It doesn’t feel like a day” She shakes her head and then sounds more serious “And I think I’m falling in love with you too”
“Wow” Monica lets out a breath and then she moves her hands to Amelia’s waist, pulling her close for a kiss.
It’s so slow and sweet and yet so amazing. Their lips meet briefly, just to make sure all of this is real, and it makes them melt into each other, smiling into the kiss until the pull apart. Amelia sits down in a stool next to Monica’s, she holds her head in her hand and just smiles, all smitten.
“So…” Monica clears her throat, maybe starting to feel a little embarrassed about the whole situation “and what happened with Kai after you talked?”
Amelia shrugs “I don’t think we will be friends. They left”
“Sorry about that”
“It’s okay. That chapter is completely over. I just want to focus on what’s in front of me right now”
Monica smiles and then grabs Amelia’s hand “I’m also sorry I had a small nervous breakdown today. You know my head can go to the worst places so fast. And you did say we need to talk. That’s almost never good news in the history of humanity”
Then Amelia remembers… “Oh that’s right! We still need to talk”
“Is that not what we just did?”
Amelia smiles and squeezes Monica’s hand “It’s about the paperwork”
“What paperwork?”
“Teddy said we have to report our relationship to HR. And since she’s the boss and she already caught us we kinda have to do it now. I got the forms. We just have to fill them up and drop them, it’s not a big deal”
“Oh. That was- that was all? That’s what you wanted to talk about?”
“Yeah” Amelia bites her lip and then she teases “Sorry you had a nervous breakdown after that”
“You know you could have led with something less dramatic after having a heart-to-heart with your ex?” Monica narrows her eyes, playfully.
“And you could have not run away from me, hiding behind a resident, and just listen?”
Monica nods, blushing a little “That’s fair”
Now Amelia interlaces her fingers with Monica’s “That’s okay. That made you spill your little heart out to me, so in the end it worked out. And we have learned from this, haven’t we?”
“Yes ma’am” Monica nods with a smile.
Now Amelia bites her lip. They are thinking the same thing. Just gazing into each other’s eyes with a flicker of something wilder.
But then someone is wrapping her arms around them.
Right… Arizona is still there.
“My favorite people. I’ll take all this eye-fucking as everything is worked out here, right?”
Amelia blushes furiously and looks down “Yup”
“Great! Because I have a plane to catch and Callie is going to kill me”
“Thank you” Monica says.
“I think you’re finally ready to take off the training wheels” Arizona smiles proudly, almost moved “please, I do not want to get another call from you unless it’s good news”
“I think we’ll be okay” Monica says, looking at Amelia.
“Maybe we can visit next. Have that double date in New York” Amelia offers.
“Sounds great” Arizona replies, patting Monica’s back a little too hard “You’re paying for my drink” then she proceeds to give each of them a hug “Just be good, okay? Just talk to each other, dammit”
“We will” Amelia replies and then finally Arizona leaves.
Then Amelia looks at Monica, the blush creeping up again “So, how long until your surgery?”
“About an hour”
Amelia pouts and nods “Do you… want to grab lunch?”
“I do. But I want to do something else first”
Monica quickly instruct the bartender to put the drinks on her tab. Then she grabs Amelia’s hand and it takes them less than 10 minutes to walk back to the hospital and find the nearest on call room.
Amelia locks the door and turns around, but Monica quickly invades her space. Amelia’s back hits the door she just closed, and one hand goes under her scrub top, while the other just slips past the elastic of her pants and underwear.
Of course she’s already wet, and of course they both moan into each other’s mouths at the feeling.
Monica’s kisses move down Amelia’s jaw, then up to her ear. She makes sure to repeat how much she loves her. And every time she says it, it makes her heart fuller, just happier.
Amelia responds by pulling her closer, harder, and she quickly unbuttons Monica’s jeans, making just enough space to push her underwear to the side and rub her fingers against her folds. Monica presses her forehead against the door, gasping loudly.
They know they don’t have much time. But this is just a taste, fueled by excitement and adrenaline and joy and love. They have tonight, and tomorrow, and everyday now.
Their bodies press close together as they get each other off quickly between soft moans and ragged breaths. They just stay like that for a minute, holding each other after they finish.
Monica can tell Amelia is laughing. She finally moves to look at her.
“What?” She asks amusedly.
Amelia looks at her “I can’t believe we were that dumb, when we could have been doing this for months. So many orgasms...”
That makes Monica snort and then laugh out loud too. Then she kisses Amelia’s cheek “We’ll make up for all that time. And for all the orgasms"
Amelia grabs Monica's face with her hand "No messing it up this time?"
"No messing it up. And preferably no Robbins having to meddle in our business"
Amelia laughs again before she moves her hand to the back of Monica's head and pulls her down for another deep kiss.