Chapter Text
Agnes Digital sighed as she watched the two girls walk away, their hands in tandem with eachother’s, their forms slowly fading into the dim light.
She was on the brink of sobbing a waterfall just a few minutes ago, and now she was on the brink of squealing right in the middle of a bar.
It was too exciting—Digital witnessing with her very own eyes Desire having practically confessed to Vodka! And then watching the two hold hands and walk away outside together! And the look on Vodka’s face—AAFBawhabfjwfgJKHGWAFawjk!
NO! She had to hold it in, she just had to hold it in—please don’t squeal, oh goddesses!
She covered her mouth—
“Awdahiw—” Shoot!
Her eyes darted around, hoping, praying, that none of the patrons had their heads turned towards her, that she wasn’t too loud.
A few turns of the head, and Digital sighed in relief. Phew… No one saw—
Digital froze in place, a cold chill running up her spine. She was wrong; there was one person looking at her—glaring straight into her soul. She could feel said soul rising out of her mouth as Tanino Gimlet pointed daggers with her eyes.
“A- Ah–” OH SHIT! I’m going to die!
She closed her eyes, as if the darkness would provide safe passage to her leaving soul that she now waved goodbye. Welp. Goodbye world. It was nice knowing you. It was good helping out, Vodka, Desire, Doto, Opera, Spe, Machan—
A tug and pull on the head pulled Digital out of her thoughts and out of her hood, as she opened her eyes again. Only to see Gimlet, now standing right in front of her, looking less than amused.
“Guh– Hahh.” Digital slumped in her chair. A light smack on her head woke her up. “Eep–!”
“What the hell are you doing, Agnes Digital?”
“O- O- Oh– I- I uh—” Digital stammered, fearing to meet Gimlet’s gaze for even a second. “I– Uh–”
“Answer me,” Gimlet interrogated. “I saw you over there. You were watching us, weren’t you?”
“I- Uh– Uh…” Digital only continued to stutter, her brain short circuited. This was suboptimal…
“I won’t kill you if you tell me.”
“OKAY!” Digital yelped as she bolted up. “Oh, uhmm. That was too loud,” she muttered as she sat back down. “I- I was just trying to help, I swear!!!! I won’t get into any more of your business! Please! I’m a respectful and distanced simp! I mean no harm, I won’t look at you while you—”
“Hey, now. You’re going too fast.” Gimlet rubbed her temple. “...You said you were just trying to help? With what, exactly?”
Digital perked up, her eyes widened in surprise at the question. Well… it was a valid one. Gimlet was the other party on the other side of this situation… If anyone should know, it should be her, Digital decided. She put a finger to her chin.
“Well, see… Red Desire was feeling down after Vodka ran away from her. And of course, being the dedicated fan I am, I could never—” she aggressively shook her head, “—and I mean never! Live with that!” She clasped her hands together, her usual enthusiasm seeping in again. “So, I decided to help, of course!
“I, with my extensive knowledge of all the Umamusume in the school—uhm, don’t get the wrong idea…—I thought about it, and I made a list of all the places that Vodka might go to when she’s stressed out. And one of those places was here, and behold! I stumbled upon you and her having a talk. I was trying to be lowkey, so I had a hood on, but you found me now, ahah…”
Gimlet took a second to understand before nodding. “I see. And then I assume you were… spying on us the whole time then.”
”Ack!— Not spying!!!” Digital frantically waved her hands around. “I-I was only helping!! I was only watching to help Desire find Vodka so she could talk to her and nothing else!! I didn’t mean to eavesdrop I promise!!”
Digital’s eyes slammed shut as her mind ran wild with possibilities, all of them resulting in either a smacked head or a harsh scolding, or worse, the destruction of any sense of respect Gimlet might have had for her.
Her eyes swung open in surprise as she realized that none of those were happening. Instead, Gimlet’s hand wasn’t poised to strike her ridiculous face like a hammer to an anvil. Instead, Gimlet’s hand softly lay on Digital’s shoulder, doing nothing. Digital stared with wide eyes as Gimlet calmly gazed back, smiling.
”You know…” She chuckled, as her voice quieted to a softer, gentler tone. “Vodka is a tough nut to crack. She’s desperate to be seen as cool. She looks up to me for that.”
Her gaze began to drift away. “…When she began to feel like she didn’t deserve to be seen that way… I got worried, you know. Heh, pretty unlike me. But I care for her. She thinks I’m cool, and she’d do anything to be like me. I respect that. And I’d do anything to help her in that way. My days are behind me, but…”
She chuckled to herself. “That girl’s got potential. I just really didn’t want to see that potential fall flat because of her own doubts. I wanted her to crush those fears of hers. And I think… Red Desire was really who she needed then. I saw how determined Vodka looked when Desire was there, watching her… I’m glad they made up. I’m not sure how it could have happened any other way.”
She turned to Digital, a light smirk on her face. “So thank you. For your help. I’m not sure it could have happened without what you did.”
A few seconds of silence. “…Surprised?” Gimlet asked, as Digital stared at her, the otaku thoroughly dazed until Gimlet had to flick her forehead.
Digital yelped as she jolted backward, earning a hearty laugh from Gimlet. “Heh, that did the trick.”
”I- I just…” Digital fidgeted with her hands, twisting her fingers and her words together at once. “I never knew about that side of you, Gimlet—!” she exclaimed with a wide, wide grin. “You’re even cooler than I thought!!1!!”
”Ahahah!! I am Vodka’s senior after all,” Gimlet cackled in response to Digital’s ecstasy, before leaning her arm and herself on the table, her other arm reaching towards a glass. Her eyes moved towards the window, to the now dark outdoors. A rare soft sigh escaped her lips. “…I wonder what she’s… what they’re up to now.”
The two uttered no words as they walked, the only sounds between them being the soft clacks of their shoes, the occasional passing car blinding their eyes, and the low sigh of the breeze as it slithered in between their intertwined fingers.
Both of their eyes fixated forwards, onwards. Occasionally, Vodka would find her gaze drifting away from the night sky and onto Red Desire, only to break contact a second later, every time causing pink to flash on Vodka’s face. Other times, Vodka’s eyes would be met by Desire’s, a mutual contact, only for it to be broken as well.
It was agonizing.
Vodka was supposed to be confident in her stride. Her entire image relied on the idea that Vodka was the strong one, the tough one, the cool one, the coolest.
So why couldn’t she look at Red Desire without her heart jumping out of her chest?
Was it because they were holding hands? Maybe Vodka would feel better if they weren’t?
No, I… I’m not letting go, she reluctantly thought to herself, her ears going flat at the embarrassing thought. I… like it. A lot. I feel… warm.
Perhaps it was something Desire said? What had she said?
Vodka tried to remember every word said during the last 15 minutes. Her mind strained, her brow furrowed as her eyes narrowed at a view down the road. Yet, for as hard as she could think, nothing came up. …Gosh. Maybe I’m just tired…
”Tired” would be an understatement. Nothing about the past 2 days had been relaxing. At every turn, every corner and every straight, stress was waiting. Despair was waiting for her as she tried to confront herself, tried to remember why she was worth anything. And for a while, she had forgotten everything.
Even Red Desire could not make her remember. But that was at Vodka’s emotional climax. Vodka’s mind was clouded, utterly muddied by the overlapping fog of doubt. Vodka was… too rash, to give herself mercy with words.
Simply thinking about it caused Vodka’s shoulder to shudder, played off as a reaction to the wind. It wasn’t. Vodka simply hated the memory—found herself terrified by what she could have caused. It was Red Desire that Vodka ran from.
Vodka was lucky to have someone so devoted. Vodka was everything to Red Desire. She’d do anything for her, as long as Vodka was… Vodka. She had come again, to remind Vodka of that. This time, Vodka had listened. This time, she understood.
She understood that Red Desire loved her.
Love…
The word began to spiral in Vodka’s head, every combination suddenly finding itself a corner, every meaning of it fighting to be realized.
Desire had said it once before. Months before, when Vodka was still a tiny bullet of dreams and ambitions. A bullet on the brink of being knocked out of the air, until Red Desire began to hold her up. Red Desire—her first true fan.
Vodka remembered. She was at the track at Tracen. Red Desire had come to watch, as she always did since the day that they met. Desire had given Vodka a water bottle, the kind soul. After that, they began to talk to eachother. They talked about rivals, how they pushed people on.
Except that Vodka felt differently. She was embarrassed to say it then, and might still be now, but it was truer now than ever.
Vodka ran for Red Desire and Red Desire only.
Vodka loved it when Desire got excited whenever Vodka ran. How her eyes lighted up during Vodka’s final spurt, a happiness bright that Vodka could see it—feel it—even as she ran. How her soft, low voice raised at the sight of her. How her gentle saintly demeanor collapsed at the sight of her. How pink her cheeks would get.
How she took the time and effort to make Vodka a specially crafted amulet for her birthday. How she took the trouble just to move into her room. How she adored Vodka so much that she held a massive stock of Vodka merch.
How she never gave up on Vodka.
What do you call that kind of dedication?
Affection?
Adoration?
Devotion?
Respect?
Idolatry?
Or…
“Hey, Desire,” Vodka said, breaking the silence.
The girl in question perked up at the sudden call. “Oh– Yes, Vodka?”
“I just wanted to ask about…” Vodka’s gaze averted away, her pause between words as she mustered up her courage only highlighting the increasing thumping of her chest.
“...R-Remember that time like, some months ago?” Vodka finally asked, her ears lightly twitching from what she knew she was about to say. No, you got this. Say it, Vodka!
“Ah, I mean— a month or something after we met. I was on the track, remember? You gave me a water bottle,” she added.
Desire put her open hand on her chin, her eyes dimming in contemplation, before they lit up and she put on a soft smile. “Oh, that time! I remember that, yes…” She giggled as the memory played out in her head. “What about it?”
“Oh, uhm.” Vodka gulped, pushing the lump of nervousness down her throat. Her breath nearly began to hitch anyway, her ears flattening further against her head. “I was thinking about what we were talking about then. You said something, and I just, uh… I wanted to ask you what you meant. C-Can I ask you that?”
“Oh, sure. You can ask anything!” Desire said as she eagerly began to listen.
Vodka nodded sagely at her response. She sighed, intrusive thoughts airing out to give way for the one question on her mind.
“You said… I love you.”
T-There.
I said it.
The surroundings seemed to slow to the stillness of a picture, framed on the wall in a house struggling to keep itself together. Vodka tried to keep herself together.
She let in the breeze and cool air to escape the heat that started to overwhelm her body, to no avail. Her heart only seemed to pump harder, her chest only pushing out further; she just needed this off of it, now.
So she said it, there and then. Now Vodka needed an answer.
Her eyes averted from Desire’s without thought, as she forced her mind to drift ever so slightly out of the fresh pool of anxiety that had now started to well up after a second of silence.
Two seconds.
Three.
Yes, she needed an answer. Only now, however, was Vodka starting to remember what it felt like to wait for an answer. Frightening. Anxious.
Did she even want an answer?
Certainly not that time, where the only thing on her mind was the agonizing question: Does she hate me? There was a reason that Vodka had fought so hard to avoid its possibilities, instead choosing to contend with the worst that she could have been able to live with. And even that was heartbreaking. But it could have been so much worse.
Yet she had gotten an answer regardless.
And what it was led Vodka here.
Does she hate me? was not the question anymore. Now it was flipped on its head.
Do you love me?
Please answer.
Please answer.
Please answer.
Why was she desperate for an answer?
Please tell me that you do.
Why this answer?
…Because I have an answer for you already.
“Vodka…”
Vodka whipped her head around to face Desire as she spoke.
“Of course I do. I told you this many times already,” Desire said as she smiled the way she always did.
Vodka’s eyebrows raised, her eyes averting down again as she realized something. “O-Oh, uhm…”
The question wasn’t complete. The answer wasn’t what she really wanted. It was good, yes, but there was something else on her mind. Something that needed to be said, even if it meant exploding on the inside.
“Actually though, ahah,” Vodka awkwardly chuckled, trying to ignore the monstrous lump in her throat. “I… should have clarified…”
Vodka took a deep, deep breath. “...F-Fine, I’ll just… say it.”
She gulped as she looked back up at Red Desire’s yellow eyes, staring back at her, like suns in the night.
“Do you love me in… that way?”
Vodka closed her eyes as the words drifted into the air. She could feel the tears start to well up inside. For a moment, she considered opening her eyes again. She was already vulnerable enough right now, so what’s the use in hiding her emotions?
She was scared again, she knew that. More than ever.
If hate was heavy, love was heavier.
After several minute-long seconds, her eyes pried open again. She couldn’t see anything now. It was all blurry. For a moment, she considered keeping it that way.
Yet her hand moved to her face, her fingers to her eyes as she wiped the liquid away from her eyelids. There could be any face, she knew, that could be waiting on the other side. Despair, confusion, disgust.
She wanted to see anyway. Because Vodka knew better. There would be none of that.
“Vodka…” Desire whispered.
Vodka saw a smile on her face, as radiant as ever, if not more.
The smile told her that there was nothing to fear, no answer to brace for. It should have been that way.
“...Why… Why do you ask?”
Uncertainty.
The expression said that everything was going to be fine. The question raised uncertainty. A question answered with only another question.
Something wasn’t right. Something was tilted. Not falling, not rising, but on a precipice, amiss.
That question was the last step, Vodka knew. She’d have to pool up all of her courage.
All of her courage. The kind that Tanino Gimlet wanted from her. The kind that Scarlet needed to be hit with. The kind that the people cheered for. The kind that Red Desire wanted.
With a shaky breath, her fingers digging like claws into her clenched palm, she spoke.
“Because, I… Red Desire, I…
I do. I-In that way.
I love you.”
Desire’s pupils silently widened as Vodka’s began to close again, once and three times more, as her eyelids tried to wipe away new tears.
“I–”
None of this was going according to plan. Now there were too many tears, not enough air left in her lungs to speak over the silent wind. Yet Vodka kept talking anyway. Just send it, she told herself, one phrase piercing through the rest of her scattered brain.
“I… I guess it’s just–...”
Come on, that’s pathetic.
You can do better.
“I’ve just been— w-wanting to say that to you for a while!”
Desire recoiled as Vodka’s outburst echoed against the street. Vodka did too, her hand moving to cover her mouth as the rest of her face heated up.
“Ack–! U-Uhm–” Vodka stuttered. The Vodka that once was wanted to crawl away into a tree and disappear into the forests again. The Vodka that loved Red Desire and wanted Red Desire to love her: she said floor it.
“I– Ugh, fine!” Vodka burst out again, startling Desire. “I’ll just say it! I’ll say it, I’ll say it, I’ll say it.”
She didn’t wait for Desire to ask, “say what?”, if she wasn’t already stunned speechless. Good—Vodka wanted Desire to know what she meant. Vodka wanted a true answer to it.
“Ever since– W-Well, ever since you gave me that amulet on my birthday, I’ve just started to realize— Actually, ever since the month we met, Desire, I… I think I’ve been falling in love with you.”
Vodka could feel the volcanos on her face erupt and spew red-hot lava all over her face. But she wasn’t over, not yet. Those volcanos could erupt all they wanted, her chest could burst all it wanted to.
“Because, well… I-I just think you’ve been super nice to me. N-No, that’s— That’s not it. You’re not just nice.” She took a deep breath.
“Y-Yknow what, I’m just going to keep it simple.
…I’m everything to you, aren’t I? I’m everything to you, and you’ve done everything for me.
…You’re an angel for that, Red Desire. I mean it! Really. It’s all thanks to you, Desire. I wouldn’t have gotten this far without you. Everything was because of you.
So… You’re everything to me, too.”
Vodka reached her hand out to an astounded Red Desire. Here was her courage again, on full display. She got it when she needed it.
“...What do you say?”
The question was over. The answer was imminent.
Vodka was ready.
It took a long, long few seconds for Desire to break out of her red-faced stupor, as her hands clenched at her chest for the words she wanted.
Instead of words, all Desire could muster were sudden, rapid tears.
“D– Desire??” Vodka gasped, moving closer.
Desire’s hands were over her face, obscuring any reading of her emotions. Except for the fact that she was crying, there was no indication of what she was feeling. Another hidden face that could be anything. Anything.
C-Could she be sad that I told her that? O-Or maybe she’s feeling angry– N-No, NO! That can’t be true, this is Red Desire…
Vodka stared in dreadful anticipation, waiting for when Desire would end her tear wiping. Waiting for the response.
Please… Don’t be any of those. Please. Please.
Vodka gulped as Desire lifted her head up. Her hands came off her eyes, water still lodged in between eyelids.
Her mouth was open. Not a frown, not a scowl.
A smile, a wide open one. The widest smile Red Desire had ever shown.
Upon the sight reaching her eyes, Vodka returned the smile with her own, forced out by the force of relief. She was more than relieved. She was happy. Red Desire was happy. Vodka could tell from her smile.
She would get the answer she wanted.
“Vodka.
I’m… You don’t understand…”
W- What? Vodka yelped inside her head. Did- Did I say something wrong?
“...How happy I am right now.”
“Oh!” Vodka sighed out loud. Really, she could scream right now.
“Fufu… Were you–sniffle–were you surprised?” Desire quipped. “...I know I am. I… I never thought this day would come.
When I started to make that amulet, I didn’t think that I would end up putting so much… love… into it. But I did, and I— When I gave it to you, and I saw how excited you were over it… How happy you were because of me…
At that moment, I didn’t feel like a fan anymore. I didn’t want to just be cheering you on from the side. I didn’t want to be…
I wanted to be more.
I—”
Desire’s words were cut short by her breath being swept out of her. Vodka had suddenly stepped closer, closer, until she had her hands laid on Desire’s shoulders. Their gazes meeting, close enough to see the lines in their eyes.
Vodka’s eyes were piercing. She had nothing to fear now. Only one thing left to do.
“So let’s be more,” she said. “...You’re not just a fan anymore. You’re everything.”
“...You’re everything,” Desire repeated. Vodka smiled at that.
“We are. We are,” Vodka declared. “We’re not just fan and idol anymore, are we?”
Desire shook her head, and Vodka did too.
“We aren’t.”
“Heh… Thought so.”
“So… does that make us…?”
“Oh– Well… Yes. That does make us, uhm…”
“Girlfriends. We’re girlfriends now.”
“Ack-!” Vodka’s tail shot up. The embarrassment had caught up to her, finally. “I-I’m still not used to thinking about that…”
Desire giggled. “...Never change, Vodka. Never change.”
The two of them had a good laugh at that.