Chapter Text
—NEXT MORNING—
Lute woke up a mess on the floor—limbs sprawled out, eyes crusty, hair sticking up in multiple places, and her dried tear tracks shining in the early dawn’s light.
Her eyes fought against her attempts to open them, but she managed to do so.
It was the absolute worst sleep of Lute’s life. She already wasn’t a morning person, but even getting there was uncomfortable now. When her eyes finally closed, it wasn’t rest that took her but a new kind of agony. A dreamless sleep that wasn’t a quick bliss but a prolonged boredom and loneliness. Perhaps then it wasn’t dreamless. Maybe it was a subconscious reflection of her own inner turmoil and dread. The Fallen didn’t care enough to know. What mattered now was that it was over.
Now it was time to start her first real day in her… new life? Banishment? Whatever she or Heaven called it, Lute was determined to get out of bed.
She slowly sat up, wincing when her joints cracked and popped. She carefully picked herself up off of the floor and went over to the chair where she’d placed her borrowed clothes the night before. She moved to grab them but stopped upon noticing a mirror hanging on the wall. The darkness must have hidden it the night before. Lute stepped towards it and decided to take a look at herself.
Her hair and skin were still white, thank God. Her irises remained golden like the gates of Heaven. But they no longer shined. That glow of white and gold that would illuminate the dark was missing. She saw her own sad frown looking back at her. That was the truth of it. Her light was gone. All that remained was a pale face that looked dark and dreary in contrast to obvious physical traits.
“What has become of you?”
After another pause, she sighed and grabbed her clothes.
After putting them on, she trudged out of her room and peered out into the still darkness of the hallway. Maybe she was imagining it, but she swore it seemed to stretch around her. She shook the thought away and stumbled around, trying to find the bathroom. The lights weren’t on and there were no windows in this part of the hallway. She ended up stumbling around until she finally found a door ajar, revealing a sink inside. With an annoyed groan she walked in
Lute ran the water, it was not the clear blue stuff she was used to, instead being slightly grimy but still fresh and presumably drinkable. She splashed some of it onto her face, before she noticed her once pristinely white teeth were starting to yellow around the edges.
‘Great—now I actually have to brush.’ Another thing to add to the ever growing pile of her mortal problems.
Speaking of such inconveniences, an increasingly familiar growl came from her stomach. Now knowing what it meant, she left for the kitchen. She just had to find the stairs first. Lute arrived in the kitchen to find Stan cooking over the stove. The sound of sizzling and the smell of grease made her mouth water. The man looked over his shoulder and gave her a nod.“Morning.”
“Morning,” she nodded back, taking a seat at the small table.
“How’d you sleep?”
“I slept,” she groaned.
“Yeah, been there. Here,” he handed her a plate filled with long and flat strips of meat and round fluffy things she remembered a Winner calling… panflaps?
“What are these?” she poked the meat with her fork.
“Uh… bacon,” he answered after a moment. Did I really hit her with my car that hard?
She took a bite and her eyes widened at the taste, the salty flavor causing her to temporarily forget her restless night. She practically inhaled the piece of bacon and almost did the same for the others when she suddenly remembered her similar behavior last night. So, willing restraint, she consumed her meal at a much slower pace, blushing as she did.
“These are… nice,” she complimented on the panflaps.
“Thanks. I call them stancakes. They’re like pancakes but with bits of my hair in them.”
Lute’s eyes immediately widened in horror and her face turned green. Her fork clattered to the table and she started to gag.
“Wait! Wait, no! I was joking! I was just joking!” Stan hastily explained, not wanting her to heave all over his floor.
The Fallen took deep breaths to calm her innards down. Next she took a long sip from her glass enjoying the orange liquid inside. She set it down and paused to regain her bearings. That’s when she noticed something else about Stan that filled her with disgust and shame for not seeing it sooner.
“WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOUR PANTS!” she screamed, hastily covering her eyes.
An hour later it was time to start work. With that mortifying experience out of the way, Stan was once again dressed in his suit and the two stood in the giftshop. The human was adjusting his cufflinks while the Angel leaned against a shelf with her arms crossed.
“Soos and Wendy will be here in a few minutes. I may be forced to keep you around, but I want you to make a good impression on them.”
“Okay,” she nodded. “What are they like?”
“Soos is the handyman. He’s a bit of an oddball, but he also had to grow up here. The guy’s frustrating at times but he's a good man and actually knows how to fix things. Just don’t tell him I said that. Can’t look soft.”
“Noted.”
“Wendy’s my teenage employee working the cash register. She slacks off a lot and I’d fire her if I could, but she’s a cheap hire. Her dad also built this cabin, so I kind of owe ‘im.”
The door to the gift shop opened and in walked two people that could only be Soos and Wendy. She was quite tall for her age, with long legs and lengthy red hair to match. She wore a flannel shirt, boots, jeans, and a trapper hat. The outfit screamed lumberjack. As for Soos, he had on similar clothes to Lute’s: a shirt with a question mark on it and cargo shorts. Only his was green while hers was orange with a yellow background.
It was then that she looked down at her own attire and turned to a clothes rack with the same shirt in a variety of colors.
‘Of course he gave me his merch to wear.’
She was really getting a sense that this man was very cheap. As for the other, she took another look at him and was baffled. “Are you some kind of gopher man?”
“Heh! I get that a lot,” he laughed. “Nice to meet you, girl-dude. Mr. Pines probably told you all about us. What’s your name?”
“Lute.”
“Sup,” Wendy greeted, a chill expression on her face. Lute tilted her head at that. “What?”
“Nothing, I… I just thought I recognized you for a second.”
“Yeah, I have one of those voices,” she shrugged. “Some people have said I sound like Velma.”
“Who?”
“Oh, you’ve never seen that show? We’ll show it to you later,” Soos said.
“Alright, enough chit-chat. Time for work,” Stan cut in. “Alright people, tourist season is picking up again with Summer Break. That means I need this place to be as presentable as possible so we can lure them for all the cash they have to spare. Soos, the deck has splinters and that could lead to lawsuits. Sand it down.”
“Yes, sir, Mr. Pines!” he saluted.
“Wendy, I need you to check the inventory. If we don’t have enough stock, that means I’ll have to close early and your dad will send you to your uncle’s lumber mill for the summer.”
“I’m on it,” she nodded, her laid back look replaced by determination.
“And now my newest hire. You’re new here and definitely forgot a few things due to the accident that will remain unspecified."
“You hit me with your car,” she deadpanned.
“Anyways!” he continued before Soos and Wendy could react to that. “You’re not ready for anything too big. So, I’m giving you an easier job.”
Lute sighed. “What do you want me to do?”
Sweeping.
It wasn’t something Lute expected to ever do for work, but she wasn’t complaining. It was definitely better than cleaning the outhouses. She had to admit, there was something strangely tranquil about it. She was actually doing something that distracted her from her bad thoughts, but it wasn’t physically taxing. In a way, it was rather soothing.
A week had gone by since everything had happened and Lute could safely say that she had found some manner of a groove.
That being said, her new job wasn’t without its challenges.
“Heads up!” Wendy called out.
Lute quickly ducked out of the way as something sped right where her head had been. She looked where it landed on the floor to see a small paper triangle.
The Angel groaned. She may have enjoyed sweeping, but that didn’t mean appreciated people making a mess.
“Sorry, dude. We almost gave you a papercut,” Soos apologized.
“Right,” she bowed her head.
Papercuts. That was a thing she could have now.
I’ll never get used to this.
Lute bent down and picked up the piece of paper, she eyed it for a moment before turning to them quizzically. “What are you two even doing?”
“Playing paper football,” Wendy answered, getting another one ready.
The two were seated at the poker table with small stacks of the paper triangles on the sides. The redhead put the one in her hand in its side with her finger curled at the top.
“You hold it like this and flick it.”
“And you aim for the space between the other player’s fingers,” Soos raised his index fingers like a goal.
Lute watched as Wendy flicked the paper and it flew right into the goal. “How many to win?”
“Best out of three.”
“Wanna join us?” Wendy asked.
The Angel looked at her in disapproval. “It’s the middle of work hours.”
“So? Stan’s not here,” Wendy smirked.
Lute thought about it for a moment. Then she placed the broom against the wall and took her seat. “Who am I playing first?”
“We both have one point. If I get this next one, I win and you’ll play me,” Soos said. He fired his paper and it missed. “Now if Wendy gets this one, you’ll play her.”
Wendy flicked her paper and it reached its target. “Another win for the lumberjack,” she grinned. “I’ll let you go first.”
Lute nodded. She took one of the papers and set it up just like she watched Soos and Wendy do. After taking a moment to eye her target, she flicked her finger…
…and it didn’t even touch the thing. The paper remained in her grasp, unmoving. Lute frowned and narrowed her eyes at it.
She tried again, and this time the digit made contact, but the paper just stumbled. Lute groaned and set it up again. This time it fell to the table and slid halfway across the surface.
Wendy’s snickering made her eye twitch.
It went on like this for eight minutes. Having enough of her own misses, Lute decided to have Wendy go first. The redhead’s hit went through Lute’s goal, giving her the first point.
“You wanna try this again, or let me have the next point?” Corduroy smirked.
“Not on your life,” she growled, causing her to laugh.
The Fallen set her paper up again and this time she was very careful with how she did it. Her hold was light, her strength she readied in her finger was measured, and her eyes were leveled at the angle.
“Come on, come on,” she muttered.
She flicked it and…
…it soared straight into the target.
“I DID IT!” Lute shot up and cheered.
“Yeah, you did!” Wendy beamed.
“WOO HOO!” Lute then took a deep breath to calm down and cleared her throat. “Okay, your turn.” She sat down as Wendy got ready. “Take your best-”
Wendy scored another point.
“Two out of three. I win,” she smirked.
Lute just stared. Then she firmly placed her hand on the table and looked Wendy dead in the eyes with determination.
“I want to go again.”
It went on like this for quite a while. Lute played against Wendy. She played against Soos. The Fallen was actually smiling again. The feeling of her scars seemed to disappear and a warm feeling welled within her. But just before she could put a name on it…
“SOOS! WENDY! LUTE! WHERE ARE YOU?! THERE’S THIRTY PEOPLE AT THE CASH REGISTER AND YOU’RE NOT COLLECTING THEIR MONEY!” Stan called out with an obvious sense of desperation.
The three squawked, quickly left their seats and sprinted for the gift shop.
“Behold! The Invisible Man!” Stan introduced a crowd of tourists to a bowler hat and glasses hanging in the air. Everyone marveled at the sight, causing Lute to groan.
Come on, the strings are so obvious!
She just grumbled and continued cleaning the glass window of a cabinet filled with other fake exhibits. There was a quiet squeaking sound as she rubbed the towel over it.
“Now there’s a fee for pictures.”
“Sure, how much?”
Lute growled at their stupidity and continued cleaning, the squeaking sound getting louder.
“A hundred bucks per picture.”
“Absolutely!”
“Take our money!”
“How are you humans this idiotic?!” Lute turned around and screamed at them. The group gasped.
Stan looked at her nervously, glancing at the tourists. “Uh, Lute-”
“Save it, Pines!” she snapped. “I have been here for two weeks, and I have had to endure too many of these idiots who believe everything poorly put together here is real. I have had it!”
“Oh my gosh…” a lady said. “She’s an elf!”
Lute blinked. “…What?”
“Yes, Yes! Look at her skin! She must be an elf!”
“Amazing!”
Stan grinned and Lute could hear the cash register going off in his mind.
He wouldn’t.
“Ladies and gentlemen! Meet our next exhibit!”
He would.
“The Angry Elf! Pictures are also $100.”
The entire group began taking pictures of her. The flashing made the Angel cover her eyes. Thankfully, it ended a few minutes later. The tourists departed, leaving the woman to glare daggers at Stan.
“What the fuck was that?!”
“That was payback for yelling at the customers,” he grinned. Then he handed her a wad of cash. “Here, your cut. Ya know, we could both make some extra money with this.”
“Fuck no! I am not your Angry Elf!”
“Of course not. You’re either albino or have a vitamin deficiency.”
“…That’s what you think I am?”
“What else would you be? All this monsters and magic stuff is made up to sell junk to people who will buy it.”
A loud part of her wanted to scream that she was an Angel and subjecting her to such things for monetary gain was heresy. But Lute knew that Stan believed she had a few screws loose. So she decided to refrain from that.
“Listen, Pines. I am not going to be another one of your fucking attractions. That is the end of it.”
“You might wanna count the bills in your hand first.”
She did so and quirked an eyebrow at him. “800. Is that supposed to mean something to me?”
“That was just one tour group. Three more appear every day,” he paused to let her do the math. “That’s enough for you to buy a new wardrobe. Those burgers you like. Ice cream. Soos has noticed your sweet tooth. I’ve also seen you working out with the mop and water buckets. You could buy a dumbbell set. Who knows what else?”
That made her pause. That certainly would make things more familiar. Her dignity though…
“Mr. Pines! Phone for you,” Wendy called out.
“I’ll let you think about it,” Stan said and walked away.
Lute looked down at the money in her hands. She didn’t have the security of just getting things anymore, she’d have to pay for things now. The angel had to admit, he had a point.
With a groan, she pocketed the cash and headed for Stan’s office. She arrived to see Soos and Wendy peeking from around the door.
“What’s with you two?”
“Stan’s talking with I think his nephew on the phone. He was a little down at first but now he’s really happy,” Soos said.
“I’ve never seen him this excited,” Wendy was baffled.
“Yes! Yes, I would love to watch them for the summer! When can they get here? …A WEEK?! Oh, you betcha I can have this place ready in a week. Trust me, Alex, this is gonna be the best summer of their lives. …Yeah, yeah. Love you too. Bye!”
Stan dashed out of his office with a wide grin on his face and stopped at the intercom in the gift shop.
“Attention, everyone! The Mystery Shack is now closed! Come back soon!”
“Did he just close early?” Wendy blinked.
“But Mr. Pines never closes early,” Soos’ eyes widened.
“Something odd is going on,” Lute surmised. She may have not been here long, but she’d been here long enough to know that this wasn’t normal for Stan. Something important was happening. Important enough for him to pass on money.
The man came back with that wide grin still plastered on his face. “Alright people, listen up. I just got a call from my nephew and his wife. To make a long story short, their kids are gonna be staying here for the summer.”
“Ah, sweet! The twins you’ve told us about are coming here!” Soos beamed.
“Wow, I’ve never seen you this excited,” Wendy commented.
“You bet your axe I am! I haven’t seen the little tykes since they were infants and I had a fight with my brother just to hold them for a little bit longer,” he laughed.
Huh. This is… kinda wholesome.
“So, now that the kids are gonna be staying here, I’m gonna have to lay a few ground rules,” his expression hardened. “Rule #1: No cursing while they’re here.”
“Okay,” Lute nodded, but Stan kept giving her that look. “What?”
“Lute, I’m serious. No cursing in front of the kids.”
“I said okay! Why are you hounding me with this?”
“You curse more than anyone we’ve ever met, girl-dude,” Soos said.
“It’s true. You do,” Wendy nodded.
“I don’t curse that much.”
“Oh really?” Stan raised his left eyebrow.
Montage, baby!
Day 5
“Piece of shit! Open up!” Lute banged on the vending machine, trying to get the treat she bought to fall down.
Soos was sweeping off to the side. The handyman just backed away, out of the room entirely.
Day 9
Lute was stacking boxes of merch when she bumped into the tallest one. The tower tilted and
the Angel cried out.
“FUCKING MOTHERFUCKER! Fuck, that hurt!”
Day 12
She, Stan, and Wendy were in his car on their way to get groceries. Unfortunately, traffic was moving very slowly.
“Come on, move!” Stan honked at the car in front of them.
“Hey!” Lute shouted, sticking her upper body out the window. “Move or I’ll rip your cunt mouth out of your ass!”
“Wha-did you just…” Stan stared at her.
“Lute. Chill,” Wendy said.
End of Montage
“…Okay, besides that one time.”
“You screamed “Eat penguin shit, you ass-spelunker” this morning,” Stan glared at her, eyes narrowed in absolute sincerity. “Seriously, Lute. Try to watch your mouth.”
The Fallen let out a sound halfway between a growl and a groan. “…Fine.”
“Good.” Her boss said, smiling.
“Now, then. Rule #2: Be nice to them. But not too nice. They’re still gonna work here.”
“They are?” the Fallen looked at him like he’d grown a second head.
“Hey, they’re family but I’m not gonna turn down free labor. Besides, it’ll toughen them up. Especially… uh… the boy. Yeah.”
“…Do you not know his name?” Wendy asked.
“Enough questions! Just have this place ready in a week.”
Lute sighed. This was gonna be a very long and tiring summer.
ONE WEEK LATER
The week leading up to the twins' arrival had been the most exhausting of Lute’s life. She thought the preparation for Extermination Day was grueling, but no. Nothing compared to Stan wanting his house to be perfect by the time they arrived. The man wanted the place spotless. He had them repaint the entire building. Twice! Every attraction was washed thoroughly. All those beady eyes were in her nightmares now.
But then finally, finally, the day arrived. In just five minutes the bus would be here, those two little humans would walk in and bring who knows what kind of trouble.
So, naturally, being the soldier she was, Lute sat perched atop the roof with a pair of binoculars scouting the bus stop.
Twins will be arriving in T minus 5 minutes. Threat level to be determined.
She stayed there in her perch, one hand holding the binoculars and while the other lifted a dumbbell. She had also agreed to be the “Angry Elf” for Stan. Her pride was bruised but having her own exercise equipment made it worth it.
The minutes passed and the bus finally came into view. Lute put down the dumbbell and focused all her attention on the door. It opened and out walked two kids carrying their bags. The boy wore a red shirt, dark vest, shorts, and a brown trucker hat. The girl wore a pink sweater with a shooting star, a purple skirt, a pink headband, and had braces. The pair were clearly twins with their shared features; round faces, chocolate brown hair of varying lengths, and what looked like brown eyes.
Targets are in sight. Appear to be 4’8 and skinny. Current status: minor threat.
The twins reached the property and were greeted by a puff of smoke, revealing Stan. “Welcome to the Mystery Shack!” he beamed, pointing his 8 Ball cane at the cabin.
It was at that moment that the “S” in the sign fell to the ground. Being close by, Lute yelped.
“Aw crud,” she groaned. “We forgot to check the sign.”
That was one of the many PG curses Stan had hammered into her over the week. That, much to her embarrassment, was her most difficult task in the last few days.
Stan just continued to beam, the smile no longer reaching his eyes. “So… how was that for showmanship?”
“Wonderful!” the girl threw her hands in the air. “Four out of ten!”
“Four?!” Stan exclaimed. “I deserve at least a seven!”
“Eh, I’ve seen better,” the boy shrugged.
Lute’s lip quired up a little at the interaction.
Stan shook his head and smiled. “It’s good to see you knuckleheads again. You two have definitely grown up a bit. Little Mabel and… uh, what are you going by these days?”
“Dipper.”
Lute looked at him strangely.
Dipper? Is he serious?
“Dipper and Mabel. Got it. You two ready to spend the summer with your Great Uncle Stan?”
“Yeah! Grunkle Stan!” Mabel cheered.
“Grunkle?”
“Great plus Uncle.”
“Hmm… I love it! Grunkle Stan it is! Now come on in, I’ll give you the tour. Free of charge.”
Lute came down and watched as Stan led them through the Mystery Shack. She kept making mental notes as she observed the Twins.
Target known as Mabel appears jovial and easily impressed. Target called… Dipper remains unenthused. One could welcome in danger while the other may seek it. Threat level now below moderate.
“Behold, the Fiji Mermaid!”
“Ooh,” Mabel marveled at the display.
“That’s a monkey sewn to a fish, Mabel,” Dipper sighed. “How many more fake things are we gonna have to see?”
“This fake stuff is what’s gonna be paying for the roof over your head and the food on your table for the next three months, so you bet get an appreciation for it,” Stan countered.
Mabel shrugged with what Lute interpreted as her trademark smile. Dipper continued to frown though.
“And with that, tour’s over. Remember, we put the fun in no refund!” Stan then grinned as he heard the sound of cars parking. “Speaking of no refund, we’ve got our first suckers of the day. Wendy!”
“Yeah, Stan?” the girl asked from the counter.
“Add a few zeroes to those prices. Bleed them dry!”
“You got it,” she shrugged and uncapped a marker.
There was a crash and the sound of breaking glass and everyone turned to see Soos and knocked over a small glass sculpture.
“Sorry, dudes.”
Stan handed him a dustpan and a box with a question mark on it. “Just put the pieces in here and we’ll sell it as another Mystery Box. They’re all full of junk anyway.”
Dipper's frown deepened and even Mabel’s smile was gone.
“You kids go get settled. Lute, show them to their room.”
The Angel nodded and turned to the kids. “Alright you two, this way.”
The Twins just stared at her in shock.
“Oh, right. This is Lute, she’ll also be staying with us for a while.” He then leaned down to “whisper” to them. “I’m pretty sure she has a vitamin deficiency. We have a betting pool going on for why she looks that way. You two want in?”
Lute walked over to the wall and “lightly” banged her head against it. Repeatedly.
“Uh, you good there, girl-dude?” Soos asked.
“Speaker, please take me back? I’ll do anything, just please take me back,” she begged to the Heavens.
“Speaker?” Dipper questioned. His sister shrugged, unsure.
Seeing that the Golden Phoenix wasn’t going to answer her prayer (it was the 2052nd one she’d made since her exile), she just groaned. “Ugh… let’s get this over with.”
The kids followed her to the attic across the hall from where Lute herself was staying. They kept their interactions brief, though Mabel did give her a sticker that was a burger saying “Nice to meat you.”
She liked it more than she’d ever admit.
Once it was clear they could handle themselves from here, Lute went back to work. She went back to check on them that night and saw Stan walking away from their door with an empty expression. Curious, she placed her ear against the door and listened.
“Are you sure we shouldn’t turn Stan in to the FBI and run?” Dipper asked in exasperation.
“Trust the magic 8 Ball, Dipper,” Mabel said in her upbeat attitude.
Dipper and Mabel Pines threat level: Moderate.