Chapter Text
The morning after Jean’s illness Eren emerged, carrying dirty clothes and dishes out to be washed, grey eyed with sleeplessness.
“And where are you going?” He couldn’t stop the question in this state, eyes falling on Levi as he fastened his cloak around his shoulders.
“I need to go into town and get a doctor, how is Jean?” Levi’s steel eyes glinted as he turned, watching Eren set his load down.
“He’s doing well,” Eren made a mental note that this was the fourth person Levi had now spoken of by their first name. The team was coming together nicely. “I think the worst is over for now, but you had better get a real doctor.”
“Whoa,” Levi must have seen him sway, crossing the room in a heartbeat to catch him. “You need to get some rest,” he shifted his weight to support Eren’s tired body. “Don’t work yourself to death.”
“I won’t,” Eren leaned on him heavily, closing his eyes in the welcoming warmth of Levi’s arms.
“Damn you’ve got to stop growing,” Levi murmured, nestling his face into the crook of Eren’s neck. “You’re going to get so tall I can’t support you anymore.”
“Pillars are always shorter than the building they hold up,” Eren muttered playfully. “Ugh I’m okay,” he straightened up, hand to his head. “I should get some rest, though, you’re right.”
“I usually am,” Levi sighed. “Enough of this, I need to leave.” He jumped at Eren’s roughened fingers catching his wrist.
“Something happened…” Eren told him. “Something I can’t… I don’t know how to explain it to you…” The flashes from the night before turned his stomach, stole the color from his face.
“Eren?” Levi caught his face in his hands. “Focus, what’s going on?”
“I…” the images passed and his eyes found Levi’s face, expressive and serious. “I don’t know…” Thin eyebrows dropped down into a scowl and Eren felt his heart skip a beat.
“You need rest,” but there was a note to his voice that churned Eren’s stomach. As if he had some idea of what had just transpired. “If Hanji gets here before I do don’t let her wheedle you into doing anything. I don’t want you shifting like this,” his hands were cool and rough on Eren’s face where they captured his cheeks.
“Yessir,” he nodded into his palms. Anything for you, sir, he wanted to add.
“Alright I’m going, keep everyone in line. There’s plenty of snow so be careful about going outside. We’re being watched,” he turned and walked to the door, pulling his hood over his hair.
Those words struck Eren cold and for a moment he wanted to reach out to him, to touch his shoulder just once more. As if that would reassure him that nothing bad would happen.
I won’t let anything bad happen.
As soon as the door shut he was in charge. Maybe it wasn’t the greatest set up. Maybe Eren wasn’t the best tactical mind like Armin or the best with the maneuver gear like Jean or the strongest like Mikasa… but he was the one Levi trusted the most. And Levi’s trust meant more to Eren than anything else at that moment.
“Hey!” Connie’s face brightened when Jean trudged out into the den looking marginally less ill than he had in the previous days. “How are you feeling?”
“Better,” Jean ran his fingers through the long strands hanging over his brow. “Hanji’s already here?” He glanced over to see Eren sitting across the table from her, face serious, with Levi standing behind him with a hand gripping his seat back. They looked like a war party, and Jean supposed they were.
“Yeah we’re getting ready to go out and start the testing,” Armin answered easily, blue eyes sparkling in the sunlight. “Finally some progress!”
Jean’s face softened, leaning on Armin’s shoulder playfully, “So who’s on watch?”
“Well if you’re feeling up to it you can come with us. The more the merrier,” Armin smiled up at him.
“You’d say that wouldn’t you?”
“Only if it helps,” Armin shrugged with mock indifference.
“Yeah, yeah,” Jean ruffled his hair and walked over to pour himself tea.
“Is there something going on between you?” Sasha asked, tilting her head, eyes following Jean.
“What?” Armin blinked.
“There’s definitely something going on,” Connie agreed.
“You’re just agreeing with Sasha because she’ll beat you up if you don’t!” Armin defended.
“Nuh uh!”
“Hey!” Levi’s voice broke their squabble, “Shut up.”
Eren and Mikasa echoed each other, hiding their faces; Eren behind his smirk hand and Mikasa’s behind her scarf.
“So you’ve got a place for this?” Eren asked, looking up at Moblit.
“Yes, no worries, it’s got a bit of an overlook so Captain Levi should be able to get you out of a tight spot if necessary,” Moblit puffed up with import. Hanji may have been the titanic genius but without him she wouldn’t remember to put her shoes on in the morning.
“Okay,” Eren nodded. “Let’s do it. It’ll be great!” He felt the stroke of a finger on the nape of his neck, turning to look at Levi curiously.
“Are you sure about this?” There was concern reflected in the shine of steel eyes that always seemed to bore right through him, concern that made a bubble of warmth and affection rise and burst in his chest.
“Yes,” he nodded with determination. Whatever I saw before… I can’t worry about that right now…
Maybe he should have… waking up to learn that the mission had been a complete failure. Learning that he was now of less use than ever before… that nearly crushed him.
And the flickering memories…
Who is this? He wondered at the face in the mirror for the briefest of moments, eyes searching the unfamiliar eyes.
“Their memories will help you.”
“Eren?” Levi’s voice drew him back and he lifted his face from the cloth in his hands. “You know what this means right?”
“I’m useless again,” Eren murmured.
“That’s not--” Levi raised his hand and Mikasa stopped talking, surprising everyone in the room.
“Do you know what the air smells like here?” Eren sought out Levi’s eyes, latching onto them desperately in the hope that their cold steel would offer him some comfort… and as Levi’s words circled the drain he thought maybe they did. As Levi spoke, as ineloquent as always, there was something in the way he spoke and the way he never took his eyes away from Eren’s that lit something bright and hot in his heart again. A passion that had been flickering of late, that he feared may be extinguished if they never accomplished anything. How could he be humanity’s greatest hope if he had no hope himself?
“What he means is we need to work harder than ever!” A voice interrupted, shoving itself rudely between them and breaking Eren’s concentration. He wished Hanji wouldn’t have spoken, feeling the wick quiver deep in his chest, barely rekindled with Levi’s words.
That’s not at all what he meant… Eren looked back, finding that Levi’s eyes had never left him.
“Well we should let you rest!” Hanji pat his thigh and Eren nodded. “Right Levi?”
“I’m not comfortable leaving just yet, but you all have things to be doing,” Levi replied quietly.
“Oh uh… okay…” Hanji muttered through pursed lips and ushered the others out, glancing once more over her shoulder at them. “This isn’t the end,” a silence passed between them and she sighed, pushing a smile back onto her face before shutting the door.
Eren folded the towel up absently, feeling a little uncomfortable under Levi’s gaze. It had gone beyond watching and somewhere beyond the threshold of the uncomfortably long stare and he just hoped it would end soon, squeezing water out all over his lap as he folded the towel smaller.
“What’s wrong?” He finally asked and Eren released the breath he hadn’t known he was holding.
“What do you mean what’s wrong?” Eren muttered. “I’m kind of useless again…”
“Well that’s the most honest you’ve ever been,” Levi’s voice was smooth and reassuring to Eren’s nerves.
Who was that woman?
“I shouldn’t have let you do this, I don’t think,” Levi rose from his seat on the bed next to him and walked to the window, folding his hands behind his back.
“I mourned…” Eren whispered.
“For half an hour,” Levi said. “You sure were upset about something.”
“I’m scared, Levi,” he stared down at the leaking square of cloth, hands shaking as he tried to fold it even tighter. “I’m scared of what’s going on and I don’t know how to control it.”
“I’m here, that’s what I’m for right?”
“Not that kind of control… things are… happening to me and… I’m starting to think they’re related to becoming a titan,” Eren looked up to find Levi looking back at him. He’s watching me a lot today. “Is something bothering you?”
“Don’t change the subject. What’s happening that you won’t say in front of the others?” He walked back to Eren’s bedside.
“I’m having these weird memory lapses,” Eren said, “sometimes I see things that aren’t there… just now I--”
“Captain Levi! We just got a message from Commander Smith,” Armin interrupted. “I’m so sorry, Eren.”
“It’s okay, Armin,” Eren smiled reassuringly.
“We’ll talk about it later,” Levi dismissed. “Go take a shower.”
“Yessir,” Eren swung his legs out and stepped off the bed. “Who’s cooking dinner tonight?”
“I thought I told you to do it until I told you otherwise?” Levi answered from down the hall, turning a corner and vanishing.
“You have a smile on your face,” Armin said pleasantly. “It’s nice to see you look relaxed again.”
“Huh? I’m still pretty down but it’ll be okay, right!”
“Of course, Eren, you’re our greatest hope… never forget that… but it’s not just that, you know? I mean yeah it’s a pretty big burden to be the greatest hope but it’s not just about you it’s about us as well… just knowing you’re there is enough, I’ve told you that before.”
“You think?” Eren searched his friend’s face. “You’re getting taller…”
“Oh? Am I?” Armin touched the top of his head. “I hadn’t noticed because you and Jean just keep growing too.”
“Armin you’re my best friend, you know that?” He wondered why he felt the desire to reassure him. What if something awful happens?
Where is this feeling coming from?
“Of course, Eren! And you’re mine!” Armin’s uncertainty flickered across his face but he took Eren’s hand and squeezed it anyway. “Every time you stand up. Every time you fight back. Every time you keep moving even if you don’t know if you can win… those things make me believe that we can do this. You were willing to give everything for me. And I am willing to do the same,” Armin told him seriously.
“I won’t let that happen,” Eren’s confident smile flashed over his face. “I won’t have anyone else sacrificing themselves for me.”
“It’s not your fault if they have to, just remember that.”
“I’m working on that, I’ll see you later.”
“He’s not going to do anything,” Armin sighed heavily. What do I have to do to get through to him?
“Worried again?” Jean asked and Armin closed his eyes under the familiar feeling of Jean catching a piece of blonde hair between his fingers and funneling it through his knuckles.
“Eren’s stubborn.”
“You’re telling me,” Jean curled his arm around Armin’s neck and pulled him back against his chest gently. “I promise I won’t breathe on you.”
“No it’s alright… even if you were contagious I already had it…” Armin said, smiling weakly.
“Oh! I see how it is, you gave it to me and now you feel bad? Well you should!” Jean chided. “I got four days off work because of you,” he teased.
“But you were sick the whole time,” Armin countered his body, turning to press his hands to Jean’s chest. “Am I getting taller?”
“Anything is better than scraping chicken shit off the-- eh?” He tilted his head, arching an eyebrow. “Taller?”
“Yeah am I getting taller?”
“Is this a trick question?” He started to laugh before he could finish his sentence.
“Hey!” He slapped his shoulder. “You are the rudest boyfriend.”
“No the rudest boyfriend would be Levi, could you imagine?”
“I try not to think about my superior officers like that,” Armin wrinkled his nose.
“Oh? Really?” Jean’s face took a sly smirk and Armin felt fear creep up his spine. “Are you sure?” He leaned in close, lips brushing Armin’s ear.
“Jean…” panic filled his voice. “Jean don’t…” he wasn’t sure if he should laugh or cry, but he was rooted to the spot. He knew he was joking, that there was nothing to his words but a hot ball of molten terror built in his chest. “Jean…”
“Because I seem to think…”
“--Jean stop--” He let out a nervous giggle, hiding his face as blood filled his cheeks in response to Jean’s teeth scraping over his ear.
“That there may be a certain Commander you have the hots f--” a fist hit him so hard and fast he was sent sprawling to the ground and a breeze cooled Armin’s flushed face.
“Get the hell away from Armin!” Eren’s fist was steaming, knuckles bruised from clashing with Jean’s cheekbone. “Don’t touch him.”
“Eren!” Armin couldn’t decide if he was flattered or horrified, torn between going to Jean’s side and staying with Eren. “Eren he wasn’t doing anything he was just teasing me!” He broke and went to Jean as he sat up.
“Shit that hurt, what the hell is your problem?”
“What’s happening down here?” Mikasa had joined, hurrying towards them with Levi in tow-- making quick, quiet strides behind her that terrified Eren to no end.
“I uh…”
“Eren just punched me!”
“Eren?” Levi’s brows furrowed.
“Uh he was… I…” Eren looked baffled, bombarded with new information and multiple voices.
“It was my fault, sir,” Armin said. “Jean and I… we were talking and I prompted him so Jean said something kind of rude to me but it was a joke.”
“Damn right he was! Armin he--”
“Eren Jaeger!” Armin stood his ground. “You two are friends, right? And you’re friends with me? So you can believe what I have to say right? You know Jean wouldn’t…”
Eren hesitated again, looking between Levi and Jean before biting his bottom lip.
“I’m not going to have squabbles in my squad. If this is going to be a problem--”
“No!” Eren interrupted when no one else would and Armin’s jaw dropped. “No sir it won’t be a problem!”
“Good,” Levi’s face softened. “Somebody get Jean some ice, we have more important things to be worrying about.”
Eren glanced at Armin and just beyond him Mikasa bore a similar expression of concern and curiosity before her face softened as well, “I’m glad for you, Armin.”
“What?” Eren sounded incredulous.
“It’s uhm…” Armin’s blood rush returned, trying to hide his face behind his hair. “Eren we were… you know…”
“They were obviously flirting and you interrupted like a blockhead,” Mikasa nudged his cheek with her knuckles.
“Flirting?” Eren’s dumbstruck echo drew a snort from Jean. “Flirting!?”
“It’s kind of a new… I was going to say something to you but… I don’t know you had so many other things on your mind?” Armin smiled sheepishly. “Maybe I should have… I’m sorry, Jean.”
“S’not your fault,” Jean shied away when Eren offered him a hand.
“Here I… it’s my fault,” Jean stared at the offer for a moment before catching his wrist and letting Eren pull him to his feet. “I misunderstood… uh…”
Now that Jean had the chance for a closer look he realize that Eren’s face was scarlet beneath his tan, unlike the angry boy he’d known in training. The one who had yelled at the lovebirds and berated people for wistful thinking.
“Eren?” Armin’s heartbeat picked up, watching brilliant green eyes fall on their Captain for the briefest of moments. He could have sworn he’d seen Eren’s pulse flutter in his throat. Is he going to tell us?
“Uh… well that kind of changes things I… anyway… I’m going to go take a shower…” Eren turned and nearly crashed into Levi and Armin would have sworn on his life a second time that day that Levi smiled for the briefest of moments. Then again it could have been his imagination.
“If the snow hadn’t melted I could have just shoved my face in it,” Jean grumbled.
“We’ll get you some ice,” Armin chuckled and walked him out into the kitchen.