Broken Rosary

by ankheclipse, bluejugoking

Chapter 6: Mirror Mirror

Summary:

A talk among Kings. A lie undone. A master bested. And a room full of mirrors.

:) Enjoy!

CHAPTER SIX

Saber walked out of the woods, holding the girl’s hand. “What is your name, child?”

The girl didn’t look up, keeping up with Saber, “My name is Sakura Tohsaka.”

“Tohsaka?” Saber looked down at her, “Tokiomi’s daughter?”

She nodded, “Yes. I just want to go home.”

Saber nodded, “I am going to the Tohsaka mansion. I will take you there, you have my word.”

“Thank you.”

-

Gilgamesh glanced out the window, raising his eyebrow at the sight in the courtyard.

“ARCHER! COME DOWN FROM THAT ROOM AND JOIN ME!” Rider bellowed from his chariot.

“I can’t believe he actually showed up…” Gilgamesh muttered to himself, amused at the grand entrance the rider had made.

“Gilgamesh?” Tokiomi questioned, also looking out the window, “What is Rider doing here? And so blatant!”

“He insists that I invited him. While in reality I made no more than a gentle suggestion that he were too cowardly to face me on my own property.”

Tokiomi sighed mentally. This mansion wasn’t ‘Gilgamesh’s property’, it was his property! The Tohsaka estate! But he let the matter go and looked at his servant. “So you DID invite him here! To battle!?”

“Nonsense, mongrel.” Gilgamesh snorted, “Does that overgrown joker really look like he has come to fight? He carries a barrel, no doubt filled with some cheap swill he found in the marketplace.”

“That is very specific, Archer.” Tokiomi chided and Gilgamesh turned his gaze on his ‘master’.

“Do you dare question me, Tokiomi?”

“No, King of Heroes.” Tokiomi’s ego took another hit as he found himself forced to beg for Gilgamesh’s continued servitude.

“Good. Because I do hope that Rider is not the only one that dares show his face when presented with my glorious invitation. Saber should be here as well. Although perhaps the invitation was too subtle for her tastes…” Gilgamesh stared out the window at Rider, hoping that Saber would decide to show, and smiling as he walked down the steps, leaving Tokiomi to his own doings. “See that you do not disturb me, Tokiomi.”

-

Rider stood in the courtyard, a huge barrel slung over his shoulder. “AAAH!!! ARCHER! I WAS BEGINNING TO THINK THAT YOU WOULD NEVER JOIN ME!”

Gilgamesh walked calmly toward the huge man, “Nonsense. A king should never miss the chance for pleasure, even if only to converse with a mongrel like you, Rider.”

Rider laughed heartily, letting the barrel land on the ground and smashing his fist into the top, exposing the deep red wine. “COME, ARCHER! Drink with me!!” He dipped a wooden ladle into the drink and drank it down before dipping another for Archer.
Gilgamesh took it dubiously, and sniffed the contents before being interrupted and looking up.

“What do we have here?” Saber’s voice rang clean through the night air and both kings turned to look at her. “King of Conquerors, and King of Heroes. I hardly expected to see the two of you sitting and drinking civilly.”

Rider raised his hand in greeting, “King of Knights!!! How lovely of you to join us! Come! Drink with us!”

Gilgamesh handed the still full ladle back to Rider as Saber sat down with them, “This swill is exactly what I expected from a brute like you, Rider. It smells disgusting. Allow me to show you what a true king should be drinking.” The golden King sighed and held his hand out, opening the Gates of Babylon. A large, golden cistern lowered down from a portal and Rider watched with wide eyes, “OH! Marvelous!!” he exclaimed like a little kid witnessing a magic trick. Gilgamesh silently accepted the praise and let three golden goblets fall into his waiting hand, tossing them to Rider.
Iskandar caught them in a single, massive fist and poured himself the first drink, anxious to taste what the King of Heroes claimed was superior to what he had spent Waver’s money on.
“OHH!!!! YES! THIS IS TRULY THE DRINK OF KINGS!!” He quickly filled the other goblets and passed them to his drinking partners.

“You see, my fellow Kings,” Rider began, refilling his own cup, “Is this not better than battling each other for the grail?”

“What are you talking about, Rider?” Saber questioned, sipping her drink.

“This! Three Kings conversing like civilized beings! Determining who is the rightful owner of this grail!”

Gilgamesh chuckled into his goblet, swallowing before speaking, “What nonsense, Rider. The grail already belongs to me. Whether you think you are worthy of it is no matter. The facts are that it belongs to me, by law.”

“Law!?” Rider exclaimed with a smile, curious to hear more, “Who’s law?”

“My own law, as divined by me as the one true King.”

Rider’s laugh filled the night and only a sip of wine finally stopped the sound, “Ahh, King of Heroes, that is exactly what I would expect from a King. Wonderful. Living by one’s own law is the epitome of kingship. Well, perhaps this grail does belong to you, but it has always been my style to take what I want. And I want this grail so badly I can taste it!”

“If you touch my precious treasure, I will have no choice but to punish you. It is the law.” Archer sideglanced Rider with a smile, thoroughly enjoying their little banter.

“Well then, it seems all we have left to us is combat…” Rider sighed. “But first, would you still like us to help you finish this drink off tonight, Archer? It’s such a beautiful night, and it would be a shame to let it go to waste.”

“Indeed we must, unless you would dare sit there and cast aspersions on the superior drink I did you the honor of providing?”

“Absolutely not! I fully agree that we should finish it off here and now!” He refilled everyone’s cup and went back to drinking.

Saber narrowed her eyes, “Rider. How can you say such things?”

“What things?”

“First you say that you are not the rightful owner of the grail, and yet, you would take it by force?! What makes the grail so special to you, Rider?”

Rider looked down, as though embarrassed and chugged the remainder of his drink, “It’s….” he blushed, “Reincarnation.”

Both Archer and Saber looked shocked. “Reincarnation??” Saber exclaimed, “But, I thought your ultimate desire was world domination!”

“World domination is but an end, and this grail is not the means to that end; but merely a stepping stone to my desire. With this body, I am still a servant to the grail, but with a body of flesh and blood, I will be free to conquer as I please, and not leave the deed to some meer cup!”

Gilgamesh narrowed his eyes, “Mongrel. You would dare challenge me for my treasure. Which you agree is rightfully mine. For something so trivial?”

“Indeed I would.” Rider nodded, “For while the treasure may be in your storehouse, I desire it to be in my hand.”

Gilgamesh snickered, “Well then the matter is settled. I shall take great pleasure in killing you myself.”

Rider laughed again, a rich, deep laugh, “You don’t have to remind me of our inevitable battle. I will be busy plundering your storehouses bare, so get ready, King of Heroes.”

“That is hardly fitting of how a true king should behave…” Saber spoke up, looking at Rider. The distaste on her face was palpable and she clutched her cup, glad that Lancer’s curse was no longer in effect.

“Oh? Well then, Saber. Let us hear what you would wish from the grail!” Rider turned to her with genuine interest. “We already have determined what I desire, and that Goldie desires nothing but continued ownership. So what is it that you would wish?”

-

Sakura walked through the front door of the house she had spent the first few years of her life in. It looked exactly the same as she remembered, even though she had been so little the last time she had been there. The same polished floors, and pretty furnishings. The stairs were easy to climb now, and she made quick time upstairs, hoping she remembered where her father’s study was. He had spent so much time in there, and she didn’t even remember a time when he hadn’t been sitting at his desk. There must have been times when he wasn’t, since they had dinner together, and such...but she couldn’t remember it.
The door still creaked slightly when she nudged it, and there he was. Still sitting in his chair. Chin resting on his palm. Still not looking at her. She stepped in, never taking her eyes off him as she closed the door silently behind her. She made it halfway across the carpeted room before he glanced over at her. It didn’t register at first, and his eyes flitted away before his mind forced them back. No words came out of his agape mouth at first, and he just stared at her, in shock.

“Hi Daddy.” she said, not bothering with a smile, although her voice was unnaturally cheery.

“S-sakura??” the word sounded foreign leaving his lips, like he hadn’t said it in years. And probably hadn’t. She stared at him, unblinking and unsmiling. She looked nothing like the sweet, brown haired girl that Tokiomi had sent away. Her hair was Matou purple now, and her eyes no longer looked like her mother’s. She truly looked like a Matou, and it unnerved him. “Sakura? Is that really you?”

“Yes.”

“How..? What are you doing here?” He stood up, walking quickly around his desk to get to her. Quickly kneeling down in front of her, he put his hands on her shoulders and couldn’t help a smile, “Sakura! I...I can’t believe you are here, but why?”

Sakura watched the man she had once called father. How shocked he looked. How emotional he was about seeing her. His hands were still big on her shoulders, and when she had been smaller, it had been comforting. But now, she felt nothing for him. No spark of familiarity. No interest or comfort. It looked like he was going to cry. She didn’t change poses as he hugged her, or when he pulled back and asked her again why she was there. He asked again, and again. And each time, she just stared at him, wondering what he was thinking about. Wondering if he knew what would happen to her. And if he would have changed the past if he could. “Daddy...what is your wish for the grail?”

Tokiomi paused his questions for a moment and looked at her, “To find the root of magic.” He said honestly, breathing a sigh of relief that at least she knew enough to ask about the grail war. And certain that she would agree with his path, he smiled at her.
“And once I have won, there will be no need to wonder, or to strive for that ever again.”

She looked up at him, blinking once. “I lost everything.” Her voice was clear, and unmoved by the thought of her past.

He looked confused, “What do you mean?” Suddenly he looked horrified, “You lost your magic??”

“I lost everything…” she repeated flatly.

“What are you talking about, Sakura?”

“My family. My mother…” she looked up at him, “My sister, my innocence.”

Tokiomi staggered backward, shaking his head.

“I lost everything because of you, Daddy…” She continued, taking a step forward to each of his backward.

“I was trying to protect you! To protect everyone!” He said

She ignored his reasoning, not caring about it at all, “Is that what you told yourself when I was being eaten by worms? When they were crawling inside me and hurting me, Daddy!?”

Tokiomi ran into his desk, knocking hard into it and sending something crashing to the floor.

“You sent me to hell. To be a toy for a pit full of worms.” her voice still didn’t sound different from the flat tone she had started with, “That was your protection?”

Tokiomi’s face wore the torment of someone that had pushed their pain aside for too long. Of someone that consoled themselves with the idea that there was no other way. Of someone whose past had come back to haunt them.

“Are you going to send be back?” She stood just inches from him, head tipped all the way up to look him in the face. Her head looked dislocated from the rest of his body and her eyes were wider as she wrapped her little hands around his wrists, “Are you going to kill me again, Daddy?”

Tears streamed down his face as he looked down at his daughter, knowing he was entirely to blame. “Sakura...I -” He didn’t get to finish before she interrupted him,

“Spiritus maniacal chaos et amorem, ut non cum patribus tuis, ut daret mihi in me,”

“Sakura??” he stammered, “What are you doing?!” the words were unfamiliar to him, and his arm tingled. “Sakura??”

She continued the incantation she had memorized. Although she had only heard it once, when the tall priest had taught it to her, she remembered every word perfectly, “Magia potentia. Sed quiesce in corpus meum. Corpus mutaverit cura mei.”

Tokiomi wrenched away from her, crying out in pain. He whipped his hand into view and stared, mortified as he watched the command seals fade from his hand. “WHAT HAVE YOU DONE??!”

She ignored him again, as he had ignored her pain for the past years, and looked at her hand, “Thank you, Daddy.” She looked up at him, and turned on a heel, still looking at the glowing command seals on her tiny hand. “They’re pretty.” She giggled. It was highpitched, and unnatural, and made Tokiomi’s skin crawl. No...it wasn’t her laugh that made his skin crawl. He swatted frantically at the worms that had crawled from her hands onto his wrists. “AH! What are these??”

She turned her head and smiled back at him, “Now you can hurt like I do, Daddy!”
Her new shoes clicked on the hallway as she left her panicked father to try to fend off the worms while listening to her fading, creepy girlish giggling.

-

Gilgamesh was listening to Saber’s demeaning comments toward Rider when he winced slightly, his mana feeling suddenly drained. His master certainly was in trouble, but it didn’t seem life threatening, so he ignored it. As a King, he saw it as his sovereign duty and right to weigh all possible decisions. And right then, listening to Saber’s deliciously incorrect ideas about what a King should be like was far more interesting to him than whatever was bothering Tokiomi. Especially since he was certain it involved that freaky purple haired girl...what was her name?
Saber was yelling now and Gilgamesh decided to listen up, since his mana felt like it was settling down now.

“What is so funny, ARCHER?” Saber spat and Gilgamesh realized his struggling for air must have sounded like a laugh, and decided to go with it.

“Your ridiculous notions for what a king is, amuse me. How am I not to laugh?”

“Amuse you? What is amusing about my ideals!?”

“You say that a king is to serve his people, when the exact opposite is true. It’s total nonsense that only a fool would spout.” He laughed again and Rider spoke up, calmly.

“Um, Saber. Your wish is to undo all that you did when you were King of Britain? Is that true?”

“Yes!” Saber said loudly, having thought that she made herself abundantly clear when she said it a moment ago.

“But, how can you wish for such a thing?” Rider’s voice was growing louder, but in an impatient way that neither Archer nor Saber had heard before.

“It was my actions alone that led Britain to ruin! And If I can undo that, even if it means sacrificing myself, then I will!”

“That is folly!!” Rider shouted, “A martyr king...it may look pretty on paper, Saber. But a king is not someone that serves the people. Rather it is the people that serve the king. A king is someone that is greater than all the others. He must be more greedy, laugh for longer, rage for longer, than all the other men. So that his subjects look upon him in awe. That is what makes him the king. No small minded person is fit to be a king. And a king that lives the life of a martyr to his ideals...is foolish and childish indeed.”

Gilgamesh waited until Rider paused in his outburst before speaking up again, “Assassin! Why not tell her how foolish her wish is!” Archer looked into the outskirts of the courtyard where he had known Assassin was listening from, “I, King of Heroes, give you permission to join us!”

Assassin gritted his teeth. That damn Archer was trouble at the best of times, and now, these servants knew he was alive.

Saber gasped, “What did you say??” She demanded to Archer.

Gilgamesh motioned to the slowly standing Emiya, “Behold, Assassin...he is not dead, and you have been deceived.”

Saber looked betrayed as she stared at Assassin, “You were dead!”

“No…” Emiya joined them, “I followed you here from your fight with Lancer. I witnessed the entire fight and was ordered to follow you by my master. My death was merely a deception. One which has been plundered by Gilgamesh, king of heroes.”

Gilgamesh’s eyes narrowed as his true name was revealed, “Watch yourself, mongrel.”

“No.” Assassin said plainly, “You all must watch yourselves. You sit around and speak of being Great Kings, and then put each other down for the way you ruled, or the wishes you desire. You have all been kings in your own right. Each has been called King by enamoured subjects, each has been mourned and wept over when they died. While it may be true that Saber’s wish would erase all she did as King, it is also true that Rider’s life ended and his empire was broken. And that you, Gilgamesh died and your mighty empire is nothing more than a collection of dusty tablets.”

Gilgamesh gritted his teeth, but let him continue,

“We fight in this war for ourselves. For our own desires. Whether it is reincarnation, or to rewrite history, or simply to retain that which is already yours. We all wish for something dear to us, and they are all equally worthy. There is no good or bad wish. And as you yourself said, Gilgamesh, there is no right or wrong, there simply IS. And none of you have the right to sit there and criticize each other’s true desires.”

Saber’s death grip loosened slightly and she looked into the half empty cup, her ears feeling more red than they should have after half a glass of wine, no matter how expensive it was.
“I owe you an apology, Assassin…” She said softly, “Your words are more honorable than I would have thought an assassin could manage.”

Rider looked humbled as well and raised his glass, smiling a bit, “Yes. You have spoken words of wisdom indeed, Assassin. Especially for a man that was presumed dead. But that deception aside, you have my respect. Your words are as honorable as any King’s words. Perhaps…” he said bashfully, “even more honorable at this moment.”

Emiya nodded, “There is just as much honor in fighting in the dark, King of Knights. Perhaps not the sort of honor you have held yourself to, but honor nonetheless, as we fight in the dark so our kings don’t have to.”

Gilgamesh watched the scene unfold with a tiny smile on his face. The words coming from Emiya sounded like words that Enkidu had said to him, many many years ago, and it did his heart good to hear them again. Even if from a different tongue. Something pushed his arm aside and he looked up just in time to see the purple haired girl plop herself on his lap. A bit taken aback, he glanced at her hand and snickered. What a devious little minx. “Well well well….my new master.” he said cheerfully.

Sakura looked up at him and smiled, her eyes squinting shut with the new movement. “Hello, Archer.” She said, leaning back against him and closing her eyes sleepily as he wrapped his arms protectively around her, looking up to join back in the conversation of Kings. He wore a look on his face that none of the other servants questioned, nor did they comment.

--

Kirei listened to the words Assassin was spewing, absolutely annoyed that Gilgamesh had revealed Emiya’s existence to the other servants. The gilded servant was running on his own rules, and neither Tokiomi nor any other master possessed the willpower or stamina to keep him in check. He was running the grail war to his own liking, seeing no point in any of it, since he assumed that he had already won by default.

“Archer just revealed Assassin’s presence to Rider and Saber…” Kirei spoke to Lancer in a low voice. Kariya was following them out of Caster’s tunnel, but the priest was certain he was so focused on putting one foot in front of the other that he wasn’t paying attention to the conversation.

“How did he do that?” Lancer looked confused.

“I told him to follow Saber after the battle, and she went to the Tohsaka Estate. Apparently Archer invited Saber and Rider to drink with him.”

Lancer raised his eyebrow. It was strange to have his master refer to their home as ‘The Tohsaka Estate’. “Archer is having a party and invited Assassin on a whim?”

“It seems so…” Kirei focused on keeping his feet out of the sludge in the sewer. He had plenty of problems without adding ‘smells like sewage’ to the list.

 

“Well, it’s no matter.” Lancer shrugged, seeing the trouble but making the most of it, “Perhaps such underhanded tactics are best left out of our plans anyway.”

Kirei saw absolutely no good side to this turn of events or the optimism. (Might continue here)

-

“Furthermore…” Assassin continued carefully, swirling the cup of drink that Rider had passed him a moment before. “There are things you do not know about the grail…”

Saber narrowed her eyes, “What do you mean?”

Emiya knew he had the Kings’ complete attention, and with his words a moment ago, he truly hoped they would listen. “I want you to take my words to heart, and know that I do not lie to you.”

“Spit it out.” Rider encouraged.

“The grail is not what you think it is, nor are its powers. The omnipotent wish granting device that you all desire, is nothing more than a fairy tale.”

“What sort of thing is that to say!” Saber burst out angrily, “is this some tactic to get us to lose faith and hope in our ideals? So that you may more easily claim the grail for yourself?”

“No.” Emiya said calmly, knowing that he would have to deal with their anger and shock. “I have no desire to win the grail. And in fact have been working for the opposite.”

“So you are the one mongrel that is not trying to steal my treasure.” Gilgamesh commented.

“I’m not trying to steal anything, or mislead you in anyway. But there are things that I know, for reasons that I cannot tell you. And if you hear me out, there could be glory and honor in it for all of us.”

“Well then let’s hear your tale.” Rider poured himself more drink, happy that the golden container was holding more than he thought it would.

“The grail is evil. It has been tainted, and has no desire to grant any of your wishes. For the grail to even be summoned fully, it will devour our 7 souls, only granting one victor, which will be a master. The wishes that you all have, will not be fulfilled, although even your masters do not know this yet.”

The King’s faces each held shock differently, the most extreme distress being found in Saber. “I wish it were not so, but I feel that you all have a right to know this truth, no matter how unpleasant.”

Gilgamesh didn’t look overly concerned, “You speak like someone that has fought a grail war before, Assassin.”

Emiya locked gazes with the half smiling King of Heroes, “I may have some experience with the grail, yes. But that is beside the point, except to prove that I speak the truth.”

“I for one,” Rider interjected, “Do not care about the method used to glean the information. I only care about it being true and correct.”

“I assure you, King of Conquerors, I am not misleading you in any way.”

“And what is your wish, Assassin?” Rider asked, his voice uncharacteristically soft, “Even if the grail cannot fulfill it, surely you have one.”

“I do.” Emiya nodded, solemnly, “My wish is the same as yours, Rider. I wish to live as flesh and blood. And I intend to, no matter the cost.”

“But without the grail, how are you going to accomplish such a feat?”

“By settling for something just as good.” Emiya held up his gloved hands, “Are we not living now? We are still servants, yes, but only as far as our minds admit. Look at Gilgamesh, he refuses to swear fealty to any man, and is living more fully in this form, than many men of flesh and blood.”

“The mongrel is correct.” Gilgamesh was forced to agree.

“And it is with these words in mind, that I ask you all, to think about what you truly desire. And if fighting and dying again, is going to accomplish what you desire. Or if you would all band together and refuse to bend to the horrid rules the Grail binds us by.”

Rider had been trying to make an alliance with every servant since he got summoned, and his slightly drunken brain perked up at the suggestion, “If what you speak of is an alliance, then I couldn’t agree more!”

“Yes, an alliance, but unlike your suggestion of banding together, there would be no one ruler. No one is going to band together with you in order to conquer the world.”

“Perhaps not. But in light of what you have been saying, I see no need to further this war if the ultimate point is simply to be sacrificed for a single man’s wish. That seems pointless and dishonorable.”

“Indeed it does,” Saber finally said something in a normal tone, having calmed herself considerably from a moment ago.

Gilgamesh was still cradling the sleeping Sakura in his arms as he spoke, “So you wish to force the grail war to a standstill? Is that your plan, Assassin?”

“Yes. We will either be victorious, and the grail war will become obsolete if no master is chosen. Or we will be destroyed by the grail, and have lost nothing, as we are all dead to history anyway.”

Saber shook her head, “I cannot and will not make any decisions without my master. Furthermore, I will not listen to any more of this drabble until I have had time to clear my thoughts.”

Emiya nodded, “I understand, King of Knights. And I would expect no less. Perhaps let us all meet again soon.”

The heroes agreed that another meeting must take place after discussing such details with their masters and parted ways amicably. All except Gilgamesh and Emiya, who stayed sitting in the courtyard, one of them holding a sleeping child.
“Well, Assassin, it seems I am no longer going to be staying in this mansion with you.” Gilgamesh mused, his voice having shed much of its usual flamboyance and volume. He finished off his wine and the cup dematerialized from his hand while he looked down at Sakura. “This war, it is truly fascinating what humans will do to achieve their desires…” he brushed a strand of purple hair out of her face and stood up, “Farewell for now, mongrel.” He said to Emiya, “You have not seen the last of me.”

A golden portal opened across the courtyard and Emiya watched in amazement as a strange machine emerged and settled itself on the ground. Looking like a fighter jet had crossbred with a dragonfly, it was angular and ferocious looking, with green sectioned wings that jutted off the sides like angry solar panels, and a sharp design that would cut through the air. Gilgamesh climbed inside the single person seat with Sakura still on his lap. The machine lifted off the ground and zipped off into the night.

-

Kirei stepped out of the tunnel, followed by his servant and Kariya. The night was warmer than he thought it would be, and he turned to Kariya. “You should go home…”

“Kirei, we still haven’t found Sakura!!” Kariya exclaimed loudly, pulling on Kirei’s jacket, “How can you have forgotten that!?”

“Worry not, Kariya. Sakura is on her way home right now.” Kirei said, almost absentmindedly. The irritation of Assassin being outed was clouding the rest of his mind, and he was having a difficulty maintaining the facade that he truly cared about Kariya’s feelings.

“WHAT?” Kariya didn’t know if he should be shocked that Sakura was accounted for, or that Kirei had known where she was and had failed to tell him. “When did you figure that out!?”

“When we were walking from the tunnels, just a few moments ago.”

“And you didn’t tell me?”

“She is safe, is that not all that matters? I told you that she was alive, and now I am telling you that she is on her way home.” He said, putting a hand on Kariya’s shoulder and smiling. The look of pain on Kariya’s face was enough to make the smile genuine and he patted the smaller man on the shoulder reassuringly. “And I think you will find that you have another ally.”

“What do you mean?”

“Just go home, Kariya Matou. All is well in your little family, trust me, and rejoice.” he turned to Diarmuid and held out a key, “Drive Kariya home. I will walk, it is no issue. And I know you want to check on the girl as well, so go.”

Diarmuid took the key, eyes sparkling like it was Christmas morning, “Yes, my master. I will get him home safely, you have my word.”

Kariya’s eyes widened, “Have you ever driven before, Lancer?”

“No. But I am confident that I can figure it out!” Lancer said with a grin, opening the car door for the more than a little nervous Kariya. He tossed the key in the air, catching it quickly and tucking into the driver’s seat. Kirei watched him back out and drive down the road, a bit amazed that he was so good at driving. Alone once again, he took a much needed deep breath and started the long walk home.

-

Kirei arrived home before the sun, and stepped inside, listening for the sounds of the house. The party was over and the kingly aura of Gilgamesh was lacking, as was the chivalry of Lancer. The only other energies in the house were a sleeping Emiya...
And Tokiomi.

Kirei took the stairs to get to the Mage’s study, and opened the door slowly, his keen ears picking up the sounds of weeping even before he had hit the second floor. And, sure enough, when he opened the door, a most heartwrenching scene lay before him.

Tokiomi’s face was covered with his bare hands and his shoulders shook with the sobs that Kirei had heard.

“My Master?” Kirei stepped into the study, convincingly feigning a look of concern. “What is the matter?”

“It’s over, Kirei…” he didn’t look up, and barely got the words out.

“What is over?”

“My time in the grail war. I have failed. In every way possible.”

“Certainly not every way.” Kirei watched the anguish leak off the distraught man. It was tangible, and Kirei dearly wished that it were something physical that he could contain. Something he could smell and feel on his skin. “But tell me, how have you failed?”

“I failed to win the grail. I failed as a father, and a teacher…” his words trailed off as a fresh onslaught of tears overtook him.

“Failed the grail? How?” Kirei prodded, knowing the answer, but wanting to hear it from Tokiomi’s whimpering mouth. “Where is Gilgamesh?”

“HE’S GONE, KIREI!!” Tokiomi shouted, not angry at his pupil, only the circumstances. “HE WAS STOLEN FROM ME! FROM THE DAUGHTER I ABANDONED, THAT I TRADED!” his past transgressions were literally eating him alive, and Kirei saw a familiar rumple under Tokiomi’s skin.

“You have a worm on you…” Kirei stated calmly and Tokiomi looked at him incredulously.

“You are a stronger man than I am, Kirei…” Tokiomi said, once the shock of how Kirei could stay calm had passed, “Your father is dead, he was my friend, but your father. And you are calm in the midst of all this. You were told that you had only entered this grail war to act as a second master to me. But now, that time is over, Kirei…”

“What do you mean?” Kirei questioned honestly.

“It is time for you to fight for your own ideals…”

“But, Master…” Kirei’s breathing sped up. Suddenly the pain he felt from Tokiomi was his own, and he felt panicked. “I have no desires, or other ideal that would make me fight for the grail.”

“Surely that can not be true.” Tokiomi said, sniffing back tears and blowing his nose, “And regardless of the truth, you must find something to fight for Kirei. As I will no longer be here to guide you. I am going to collect my wife and daughter, hopefully they will still accept me even after this great failure. You have been a magnificent pupil, and I am proud to have called myself your teacher. But now it is time for you to become a Mage in your own right.”

“You are leaving the mansion?”

“Yes, you are welcome to stay here for the rest of the month. And then I will be returning with my wife and daughter, and would appreciate if you would relocate. I do not want my daughter and wife to be in harm’s way. I’m sure you understand…”

“Yes, I understand, and will be gone by then.” He bowed his head, apparently calm again. A week and a half was more than enough time to relocate.

Tokiomi managed to stand up, having gotten himself under control enough to manage the small task. “I am leaving now, someone is picking me up, and it looks like they are here...Farewell, Kirei. I wish you all the best, truly.”

Kirei bowed, “And you, Master…please give my best to your family. Although I’m sure Rin would be happy with not hearing about me at all.”

Tokiomi managed a tiny smile at the mention of his feisty daughter, “Yes...she was not fond of you. I don’t know why...perhaps it is because she is young…”

“Yes, I’m sure.”

Tokiomi began to walk out of the study and turned his head toward Kirei, resting his hand on the doorjamb, “And Kirei...I’m truly sorry about your father. They determined that it was Kiritsugu Emiya that killed him...And I dearly hope that you are able to enact some form of revenge on him in this war.”

“Thank you for the information. And yes, I’m sure that I will. Have a safe trip.”

“Thank you…” Tokiomi left, and Kirei stood in the study calmly until he heard the car containing his old master drive away.

-

Once Kirei was certain that Tokiomi had gone, he began to run back to his room. There was no place for him in the study, and he needed to calm himself in his own, peaceful quarters. The idea of suddenly being on his own was surprisingly overwhelming to him, and he realized how much he had relied on the more experienced mage to shelter him from the finer points of magic that he still didn’t understand. The Mage’s association was one of those points that Kirei didn’t feel prepared at all to deal with. He sat on his bed, hands folded firmly in his lap, and looked up at the wall.
The crucifix that hung on his wall was glaring down at him. Judging him. But, he hardly cared. The realization that he didn’t care what God or the Church thought of him was almost more overwhelming than it would have been if he HAD cared. And with the already startling news that he was going to be a lone mage, he just sat there, unblinkingly staring at the cross. “Why do I feel nothing?” He asked aloud, as though the crucified saviour would answer back. “I feel nothing but….overwhelmed.”

Emiya watched his master from the side of the bed he had claimed as his own. The priest’s running had woken him, but he had been happy to hear what he was saying.

“I have no wish for the grail, and yet I am expected to fight…” Kirei continued and Emiya noticed that his voice was not calm yet, but still sounded like he couldn’t catch his breath. It certainly wasn’t from running, as Emiya had witnessed him run much farther without his breathing changing whatsoever. It was a strange thing to witness, but the assassin didn’t mind.

“I want to have a wish!” Kirei finally deplored the crucifix on his wall and Emiya sat up, wrapping his arms around Kirei’s shoulders. Kirei sat up stiffly for the briefest of moments before melting back into Emiya’s embrace, “I want to have a wish…” He said, holding onto his assassin’s arm.

“You will find a wish. I’m certain of it.” Emiya said reassuringly.

“No. I have never been able to find any sort of reason before. Why should it be any different now? Just because the grail expects me to have a wish…”

Emiya lay back down and patted the pillow, “Lay down.”

Kirei shook his head, “No, not yet.”

 

“Why? You need sleep before your father’s funeral tomorrow.”

Kirei scoffed. He’d nearly forgotten that the funeral was the next day. “Lancer drove Kariya Matou home. And I won’t rest until he is back. But I can’t have both of you using up mana. Him driving and you sitting there talking to me.”

Emiya nodded obediently, “Very well.” his essence fading away until Kirei felt alone again.
He waited in the kitchen until he heard the car pulling up, saying a quick prayer of thanks that Lancer hadn’t crashed it. Lancer’s footsteps were light when he passed over the threshold and Kirei watched him walk in. The Lancer held out the keys, “Kariya Matou is safely at home, Master.” he sounded proud of his feat, although his voice also carried a tone that made Kirei narrow his eyes.

“What is it, Lancer?”

Diarmuid stopped for a second before bowing slightly, “I must tell you something, Master.”

“What?”

“Today, during the battle I had with Saber. When Caster showed up, I was afraid for our lives, and I did something that you will consider foolish.”

“Oh?” Kirei didn’t stop to mention that his servant didn’t know him well enough to make such assumptions.

“There was no way around it. At least, none that I saw. We were surrounded by those wretched demons, and we were losing the fight. I needed Saber to fight with me if I was to survive. And I did something that-”

“Just tell me, Lancer. What have you done?”

Lancer nodded once quickly, “I removed the curse I put on her arm. The unhealing wound.”

“In order to gain the upper hand on the demonic creatures?”

“Yes. However, the only way to heal it...was to destroy my spear.” Lancer hung his head, bracing himself for the fury his master would rightfully feel.

“And why did you not remember that I told you that Assassin would be there to assist you?”

“I’m so sorry, my master.” Lancer winced. Everything he wanted to achieve from the grail war seemed so far away, almost impossible. To regain his honor as a knight. But how...how could he do that if he kept making decisions like he had just made?? “I’m so sorry.” tears stung his eyes. His heart felt like it was smashed inside his chest. That once again he had followed the selfish option. “I forgot, and it may have cost us a win today. All because...because.” Tears flowed down his cheeks and he kept his head bowed, fists at his hips.

“Because why?”

“Because I wanted to save Saber and the girl from those ungodly monsters. And in that pursuit...I lessened your chances at winning the grail.” He clenched his eyes against the tears, but opened them with a start when he felt a strong hand on his shoulder. “Master?”

“Lancer, is it true that you have a second spear, or not?”

“...yes, it is…?” Lancer’s brow furrowed at the strange question.

“And are you nothing without the spear that you broke?”

Lancer stood in front of his master, a good 2 inches taller than him physically, but feeling so small, “I do not understand…”

“Are you going to stop fighting, just because you lost a spear in battle?”

Lancer’s chin trembled when he realized what his master was getting at. “No, Master. I will still fight for you.”

“Then do not trouble yourself with these matters. While it’s true that you should have remembered that Assassin was there to aid you, there is not any point in dwelling on it.”

“Master...may I ask a question?”

“Yes of course.”

“Why was Assassin not assisting me?”

“If he were fighting as well, then I would not have had as much mana to spend on you. So I told him to take a stand only if you were on the verge of death.”

Lancer bowed his head again, “I am sorry for questioning you.”

“Lancer, look at me.”

His head raised and he looked his master in the eye.

“Do not discredit yourself. You fought as you saw fit, and is that not why you are here? To fight? If you were merely a tool to fight for me, then what is the point of giving you free will? Or of summoning spirits at all? And since it is the case that we are partners in this war, then it is also the case that you are to use your wits to fight. Do you find that to be true??”

Lancer nodded, “Yes.”

“Then stand tall, Lancer, and rest. Tomorrow is a new day.”

Lancer took a deep breath and wiped his eyes, “Yes, the fight is not over yet. And, I will not fail you again, my lord!”

Kirei nodded, “Tomorrow I will be attending my father’s funeral, so you will stay in spirit form all day, and stay here, unless I specifically call for you. Understood?”

“Yes, Master.” Lancer bowed. “I shall stay here and await orders.”

--

The funeral was a traditional affair, and soon the guest were all milling out of the church. Kirei had told everyone that he wasn’t having any informalities after the service, and that he just wanted to be alone. Some of the guests had scoffed silently, and others understood the need to be alone after losing a loved one.

After the last guest had left, Kirei sat in the pew, looking around the church his father had left. He knew there would need to be a replacement for the parish, and wondered if he would be considered for the position. The church had contacted him already about the replacement overseer for the grail war, but hadn’t said who it would be.

“I always hated that man.”

The voice sent shivers up Kirei’s back and he turned his head. “I thought I saw you. But then I assumed it was some twisted hallucination I was having.”

“Do you often hallucinate?”

“That’s not the issue, Sister Yolanda. What are you doing here?”

The old nun leaned back in the pew and took a deep breath, “Well, when I heard that old bat was dead, I figured they would come asking for someone to run this ridiculous grail war.”

Kirei sighed. “Of course they would ask my old teacher to come take over for my poor dead father.”

“Don’t act like you’re upset. We both know you aren’t.”

Kirei turned his head back to continue looking at the front of the church.

“You can’t fool me into thinking that you two were close. You didn’t care for him any more than he cared for you. Anyone or anything that didn’t fit his idea of beauty, was trash.” he knew she was right, and didn’t care how insensitive it sounded “And that included his own son.”

“Is that why you are here then? To tell me that my father didn’t love me?”

“No. I’m here to oversee the war. Didn’t I just say that?”

Kirei bit his tongue and stood up, “Very well. I have other things to attend to.”

“I’ll see you for Sunday Mass.”

Kirei paused for a split second before giving a single nod, “Of course…” he agreed.

Sister Yolanda watched her young pupil walk down the aisle and push the church doors open, walking into the late morning sun. He wasn’t a child anymore, and she knew he wasn’t as innocent as he was acting either. She wasn’t entirely certain what he had done, but, knowing she could find out, she walked into the back of the church to begin familiarizing herself with the large parish.

--
(Same morning)

Emiya tipped the cab driver and wished him well before turning to walk up the path to the latest Matou residence. But more importantly, the newest Gilgamesh residence. Kirei had made it abundantly clear that he was not to be anywhere near the funeral, so Emiya had decided on a little travel. Because although he hated to admit it, he needed help, and the King of Heroes was just the sort of advice-giver that he needed. Pausing a moment to have a cigarette, he knocked on the door.
The sounds of Sakura’s stocking-clad feet padding toward the door enlightened him on who would answer, and he put on a smile.

“Hi.” she said plainly after opening the door with a smile.

“Hello. Is Kariya here?”

She nodded and made no effort to let him in, just staring up with her unsettlingly big eyes.

“May I come in?”

“Are you really here to see Daddy Kariya?”

Emiya blinked, “Um...no.”

“Then why did you ask if he was home?”

“I’m..sorry, is Gilgamesh here.”

“My servant is inside.” She said cheerily and opened the door.

It still worried Emiya how she had gotten the golden servant to swear loyalty to her, but he stepped in graciously and slipped his shoes off. “Thank you.”

Gilgamesh was planted on the couch, a drink in his hand, “Welcome, Mongrel.”

Emiya returned his ‘greeting’ with a weary smile, “Hello, Archer…”

“What is it that troubles you so greatly that you would pay a taximan to drive you simply so you could talk to me. Me, your enemy and person that you claim to not be able to stand. Something must have happened with your priest, am I wrong?” Gilgamesh couldn’t help a smirk.

“You’re not wrong...not entirely.”

“So you have come here to proclaim that I am partially incorrect in my assumption?!” he started to look huffy so Emiya held up a hand.

“No, I have come to discuss something, and to perhaps leave a little wiser.”

“Well then!” Gilgamesh pointed to the chair, and only other place to sit down, “You have come to the correct person for advice.”

Emiya noticed Kariya getting Sakura ready to go, and waved as they walked out the door, presumably to get something to eat from a local cafe. Although Emiya had a sneaky feeling that Kariya was just a decent fellow and decided to give the two men some privacy for their conversation.

“Now, tell me what troubles you, Assassin.” Gilgamesh said, pouring Emiya a glass of something from an unmarked wine bottle.

“What is this you are serving me, Gilgamesh?”

“It is an alcohol that someone in the little village made. I was hesitant at first, but he seems to be rather gifted, so I bought him out.”

“Right...of course you did.” Emiya’s eyes travelled to the crates of ‘wine’ that had been stacked against the far wall, “Well, your disregard for money aside, you have been helpful with your advice in the past…”

“Do not comment on how I spend my fortune, mongrel. Tell me your issue or leave.”

Emiya sipped his drink, silently admitting that it was, indeed, some of the best alcohol he had ever tasted.

“Do you know how you came into this world, Emiya Assassin?” Gilgamesh suddenly said, not allowing Emiya to get a word in.

“What do you mean? I was summoned just like you.”

“No, you weren’t summoned like me. Tokiomi used a catalyst to summon me. Something that I couldn’t refuse. Something that I connected with, that I drew power from, that spoke to me and fuels me.”

“And?”

“And what was the catalyst that the priest used to summon you, Assassin?”

Emiya’s brow furrowed for a minute as he wracked his brain, trying to remember, “I…”

“You don’t know, because you didn’t see it.”

“How do you know that?”

“Never mind how I know it. I do, and that is all that matters. That, and the fact that I will tell you what it is.”

“In exchange for what?” Emiya knew a bargain when he saw it.

“Let me help you with your priest.”

“You are helping…” Emiya narrowed his eyes, wondering what Gilgamesh was getting at.

“Yes. I am. But I want to continue, and not as some distant thought or last resort. Your priest is close to being completely broken. I want to see him break, and see how you reshape him. I know of your wish, Emiya, and admittedly, I find it intriguing how you will make it reality. I enjoy watching humans, and you and your priest have proven worthy of my continued interest.”

Emiya still didn’t know exactly what he wanted, but knew that Gilgamesh wasn’t going to give him any specifics so he shrugged, “Very well. Now tell me what you know about my summoning. I already know that I am not The True Assassin. The assassin that is supposed to appear with no catalyst other than the word Assassin.”

Gilgamesh sipped his drink, “No, you are not Hassan-i-Sabbah, that is true. But instead, you are something very close to the grail’s own heart, aren’t you?” he smiled in the way that Emiya knew he was toying with him. That Gilgamesh already knew every detail, and was stringing Emiya on unnecessarily simply for his own entertainment. “You are an assassin that was summoned using nothing more than your master’s own subconscious thoughts.”

“Archer, you are speaking in riddles, be clear.”

Gilgamesh leaned forward, “Tell me, Emiya. Do you feel like yourself?”

“Yes…”

“You don’t do anything, or feel anything that is idiosyncratic with your old personality?”

Emiya instantly thought of the very first moment he had seen Kirei. How he had been drawn to him, although never in his life had he been attracted to a man. How he had slipped into his bed and done things that he never would have thought of, let alone done to someone.

Gilgamesh’s smile widened as he watched the scenarios go through Emiya’s mind and it showed on his expressive face. “You do, don’t you.”

Emiya didn’t have to answer, but just waited for the overly excited King to blurt out the rest of his information.

“Kotomine took a gamble when he summoned you, not using a catalyst. He knew he would summon AN assassin, but not which one, and it seemed the grail did a marvelous job of choosing a catalyst for him.” he poured himself the rest of the drink and continued. “Kirei has 3 deadly secrets in his heart. And the grail knew this, and chose a servant for him that was compatible with those secrets.”

“Deadly secrets?”

“Yes, I just named them that.”

Emiya rolled his eyes but continued listening.

“They are secrets that are kept deep in his heart, that he has never told anyone, not even himself. Things that he doesn’t know he wants, and therefore is the reason why he cannot find a wish, or even a form of joy.”

“What secrets? What are they?”

“You tell me, Emiya. Think of him, and what you know about him. And tell me. Tell me what he wants, even if he doesn’t voice it.”

Emiya thought of the priest. Of how stoic he was. Of his unflinching obedience, both to the church and also to Tokiomi. Even when it went against his own good sense or desire. He thought of how the priest had looked when Emiya had forced him to do things against his will. Emiya’s ears flushed when he thought of things he had made him do. And how he himself hadn’t known why he had subjected Kirei to such controlling behaviour. Of how frantic Kirei had been the night before when Tokiomi had declared he was on his own as a mage.
“He wants to have a master…”

“Very good, but it’s more than that.” Gilgamesh coaxed, “Think of something far more depraved. Something that you wouldn’t want your mother to hear.”

Emiya looked at Gilgamesh and shook his head, dumbfounded that the King even spoke some of these sentences aloud. The man obviously had absolutely no shame, but Emiya took his advice anyway. “He wants to be...a slave?”

“Yes. He craves subjugation. To be used and controlled. You’ve felt it, haven’t you? His desire?”

Emiya glanced away and walked over to get another bottle of alcohol, suddenly needing another glass. Or two.

“The need for subjugation satisfies another one of his Deadly Secrets.” Gilgamesh hinted at the next one. “True subjugation requires two parts; The act of being used, and also?”

“I don’t know.”

“Don’t play coy, Emiya.” Gilgamesh chided with a smile.

Emiya sat down and chugged a fresh glass, wishing he didn'thave such a high tolerance.

“What did he ask you after he blew you?”

Emiya’s entire face went beet red as though he had been drinking all night and his eyes snapped up to Gilgamesh. “WHAT?”

“After you came in his mouth. What did he ask?”

Determined not to get any more play by play of the evening, Emiya thought quick. “He asked if he had done well!” Emiya could hear the bells going off in his head, knowing he had answered correctly.

“Yes. See you are rather good at this game when you put your mind to it. He also desires Acceptance. So two down, one to go. Subjugation and Acceptance and ?”

Emiya honestly tried to think before glancing up at Archer, hoping to gain some hint that didn’t involve his sex life.

“There are two ways to interpret the third.”

Great. Two ways to interpret something that Emiya didn’t even know about. “Then how am I supposed to guess?”

“It should be twice as easy.” Gilgamesh stated unhelpfully.

Emiya’s brain hurt from thinking. What more was there? There was the neverending blank expression. The way he had let Lancer fight his battles with honor; but no, that would fall under acceptance, or perhaps a desire to be sneaky? No...none of it seemed quite right and the alcohol was starting to get to Emiya’s brain, “He never feels any joy…” he said quietly, “Unless...someone else has been hurt. Like the way he seems infatuated with Kariya...but I know it’s just because of the pain Kariya is in. He hasn’t said that, but I can see it in his eyes. The way he drank up the pain that Tokiomi felt. And….other things too…”

Gilgamesh listened, and nodded his head subtly. “The interpretation of that is up to you, Assassin. Is it because he is a sadist, and enjoys watching the pain of others? Or is it because he desperately wants to feel joy. But being unable to do that, and craving acceptance, he revels in the feelings of others feeling the way he always feels. The way he always suffers makes him feel like an outcast. But when he sees ‘normal’ people suffering, he thinks that perhaps he isn’t as abnormal as he thinks he is.”

Emiya nodded thoughtfully, “Yes, that makes sense...So is that it? Acceptance, Subjugation, and…” Emiya struggled to name the third one.

“How do you see it, Emiya? Is it Sadism, or is it Empathy that he craves?”

Emiya thought of the man he had grown so fond of and bowed his head, wondering if he was choosing correctly, “It’s Empathy.”

Gilgamesh smiled, “Both answers are correct, Emiya. There is no need to speak so shyly. But now, do you understand your summoning? The Secrets of Kirei’s heart were the catalyst used to summon you. His desires have manifested themselves in your form and you must decide what to do with this life you’ve been given. Kirei Kotomine is little more than a broken doll, waiting for a master to shape him into something they deem worthy.”

“A broken doll?” Emiya questioned and Gilgamesh stared at him.

“Do not assume that I am a fool, Emiya. Anyone with a pair of eyes and a keen sense of humanity can see that Kirei Kotomine is not human. I know that you know what he is, and we both know he doesn’t. But he should. Don’t you think? That he has the right to know what he is?”

Assassin had no idea how Gilgamesh knew so much, “I think it would break him…” Emiya said

“He is already breaking, wouldn’t you like to be the one that gives the final push? After all, his father is dead, and he is likely to go poking about in places he doesn’t belong. Do you want your mana bank to stumble across that information without you being there to control the outcome?”

Emiya thought of how disastrous that could end up and stood, “I must go. You have given me all the advice and information I can use for the evening. Thank you, Archer.”

“It was my pleasure.” Gilgamesh stretched stretched his catlike body on the couch and closed his eyes, “Let yourself out.”

Emiya left quietly after slipping his shoes back on, his mind stuck on a single event.
Even now he could practically feel the crest worms crawling on him from the battle at the Matous’ house. Of how close to death he had been. And how he had known his Ability would hurt someone close to him, but fate given no other choice. And now he knew, he knew why Kirei’s faith in the church was so suddenly shaken. Why his world seemed to be crumbling. And he knew it was all his fault. The grail had chosen Kirei for the opposing side of his luck. And just as the grail had given Emiya his life back, it was tearing Kirei’s down, piece by unlucky piece. The Priest may have started out dead and empty, but it was Emiya that had broken him.

--

Kirei had already gathered most of his possession from the Tohsaka’s home, and had them packed neatly in a suitcase. The only thing left was the food in the kitchen, and he was sure Lancer and Emiya would make quick work of it. His beloved rosary and the crucifix from his wall were tucked on top of his clothing and he fastened everything down, wondering where Emiya had gotten to. But he didn’t have to wait for long, and a quick glance out the window told him that his servant had gone somewhere in a taxi...how strange. He’d known that he had left, but not where to, as the assassin was good at concealing his whereabouts, even from his master. As maddening as it was. Lancer was still in spirit form, resting, and he put the second servant out of his mind while he trotted downstairs with his belongings, acknowledging Emiya’s arrival with a nod. His suitcase got stowed in the backseat of his car, and he joined his servant on the pathway as they walked together to the door. “Where did you go, Assassin?” Kirei was curious.

“Oh, just to see the sights a little. How are you?”

Kirei glanced over at the smaller man, “I am fine? Why do you ask?”

“Well, you just buried your father.”

“Oh, yes. I am fine.” Kirei held the door open.

Emiya nodded, more as a way to end the conversation than in agreement to anything. His own brain felt full of information and he silently followed Kirei through the mansion.

“We have until the end of the month to move out, but there is no reason to wait. I have called Kariya and he has agreed to let us stay with him for the time being.”

Emiya sat down at the kitchen table, “Isn’t that your house?”

“Well yes.” Kirei began making some tea, “But I agreed to let him live there, and therefore wouldn’t assume that he would let me stay with him.”

“That’s thoughtful.”

“Perhaps.”

“Kirei, I have a question for you.” Emiya took the cup of tea that Kirei handed him, noting with a smile that it was the same Jasmine tea he had ordered from the restaurant a while back.

“What is it?” Kirei sat down without pouring himself anything.

“Why did you retract the order to kill Lancer?”

Kirei didn’t flinch, “I needed his assistance. Caster’s Master had me in a bind, and I couldn’t get out of it myself.”

“You could have called me.”

“And risked the life of Sakura?”

Emiya had a difficult time believing that Kirei cared that much about the girl, “Do you really care for her that much?”

“No.” Kirei said plainly, “She is housing my command seals.”

Emiya nodded with a smile, “You cover up your story well, Kirei. I’m proud of you.”

“Proud? Why?” he wasn’t sure what he had done, but enjoyed the praise anyway.

“You were told to kill Lancer, and you didn’t. Most homunculus aren’t able to disobey their masters. But you did. And I’m proud.”

Kirei’s heart stopped beating. “Homunculus? What do you mean?”

Emiya looked up at the man he had grown so fond of, wishing there was another way to break the news to him. But both men had cut and dry personalities, not enjoying formalities or beating around the bush. And he had decided that it was best to just come out and say it.

“What are you talking about, Assassin??” Kirei demanded

“Kirei who is your mother?”

Kirei stood up quickly, “What business is it of yours, who my mother is??”

“I’m not trying to alarm you, please sit back down.” Emiya’s voice was painfully close to pleading, and he reached out for the priest’s hand. “Sit.”

Kirei wrenched his hand away, “You sit there and ask who my mother is? And lead on to the idea that I am….some sort of meat puppet??”

Emiya stood up, “No, just listen,”

Kirei interrupted him angrily, “That I am some sort of inhuman monster? To what end, Assassin?? Who has created me if I am as you say? Tell me.”

“The church.” it hurt Emiya to say things he knew would cut Kirei’s soul.

“The church?! They would never do such a thing! Creating fake humans is the work of godless magicians and fools. A man of God would never seek to create that which is God’s own creation!” He spewed words that had been said to him.

“They created you to fight in this grail war for them…” Emiya finished.

Kirei banged his fist on the table, “NO! You villainous louse! Do not say that! I was chosen by the grail to fight, because...because…” his mind went blank as he tried to remember what he had been told.

“Because you are a great mage with a powerful wish?” Emiya prompted the reason the grail chose its masters.

Kirei’s face went from furious to blank. It all made sense. “No…” he shook his head, “No. I will prove to you that this is a falsehood. That whoever told you that, or wherever you got this idea from, was nothing more than a filthy lie.” Kirei stood straight and walked out the door, getting in his car without a word and speeding to his late Father’s house. His mind wanted to overwork the situation, but he kept it intentionally blank, waiting until he got all the details before doing anything.

He slammed the brakes on and jammed the car into park, walking briskly into the small house of his childhood. He went straight for the study that he had never been allowed in, not once. The door was still locked. Always locked, ensuing he didn’t get in. Determined, he slammed his shoulder into the door and heard it splinter around him. Stepping back and raising his foot, he kicked the broken door, swiftly sending it to slam against the wall on its single working hinge.

His eyes took in all the surfaces quickly and he took the 3 steps across the room and yanked open a file cabinet.
Church stuff.
Receipts.
Carefully folded tax documents.

None of it was his.

He riffled through every drawer he could see before looking at the safe in the wall. The combination would be easy to guess, and he sat in front of it, clicking through combinations. And as he continued trying every set of numbers he could think of, it occurred to him what Emiya had said. That he had been created for the purpose of winning the grail. “Well then, Emiya. Let’s see if you are correct.” From memory, Kirei pulled a verse of the bible that spoke of Jesus drinking with his disciples. Drinking from the cup that would later be known as the holy grail, and he punched the numbers for the verse, already his mind moving onto the next set of numbers he would try. A sickening click told him that his guess had been correct and he twisted the handle to open the safebox. Several folders sat inside and he pulled them out carefully, opening them up on the floor in front of him.
Summoning rituals.
Servants that had been in past wars, as well as expected servants to be in the war he was currently fighting. His stomach felt sour as he found his own file. His servant was crossed out, and penciled in was Emiya’s name.

“The Heroic Spirit Emiya Assassin…” He read on, “True name, Emiya Kiritsugu.” He looked up from the file in confusion. Emiya Kiritsugu? The master of Saber? His mind whirred with possibilities, wondering if that is why Emiya had chosen to keep his face covered, knowing that he was in a war with himself. Wouldn’t that cause a paradox? Kirei shook his head in disbelief; realizing that Emiya had so much knowledge of the war because he had been here before. Was that right?? No, he couldn’t think about that yet, he needed to find proof that he was human. To prove to Assassin that he wasn’t just some doll for the church…

But it wasn’t to be.

In the very back of the safe was another parcel. A leather-bound journal to be specific. The leather was soft in his hands as he untied the twine that bound the old volume. He flipped through it, recognizing his father’s handwriting and scoffing at old pictures of himself tucked in the pages. He was getting younger as he flipped further, and finally he reached the beginning and the picture that began the journal fell into his lap. He picked it up and glanced at the page it had fallen from. His mother?
He stared at the woman in the portrait. So many times he had imagined her. But had never known what face to imagine. And now that he was seeing her, the only thing in his mind was how Assassin had been right. It was obvious, just by looking at this single picture, that he wasn’t human.

“RAAHHH!!!!!!!!” He slapped the journal on the ground, “WHY!?!?!”
He grabbed anything in reach of his long arms and smashed it on the ground before coming to a crucifix his father had hanging on the wall. It stopped his screaming short and forced control back into his body. Control that he focused into his stance and balled up fist and smashed the crucifix through the wall and watched its bent remains plink onto the ground outside before continuing on his furious rampage. When there was nothing left in his father’s study he ran to his childhood room and flipped the bed upside down, wrenching the post off and using it as a bat to decimate his room. Smashing his foot through his little nightstand and watching his childhood treasures spill out. Little things he had collected while he was small; a shiny rock, a shell from when he had gone to the beach, and a few other things he had deemed special when he was young and naive. Things that made him hurt now. Knowing that he had kept those things in some desperate attempt to feel like a normal child. To cling to the memories of when he felt some semblance of joy. Tears spilled over his cheeks as he leaned down to pick them up, still feeling sentimental about the memories. He walked over to his windowsill and lined up his little treasures, turning back to the destroyed room and suddenly feeling very calm. There was nothing left for him anymore, no reason to live. He never really had any reason to die, and he knew that’s why he trudged on, day after miserable day. Why he had tried so immeasurably hard to be normal. Why he had tried to get God to forgive him his wicked ways. But now...there wasn’t any reason to keep up the farce. God didn’t love monsters, and that’s exactly what he was. He wasn’t even human. His entire life had been a lie, and he could hardly wrap his head around it. Everything he had ever believed, or tried to believe, was irrelevant. It brought a smile to his face, the absurdity of it all, and through the walls of the small house, Kirei’s broken, crazy laughter echoed. He sat in the living room, on the floor, laughing until he cried, and then laughing again. “And to think…” he thought of the Einzburn homunculus he had berated, “I had the gall to call that woman not human…”
He knew it was still technically true, but now it felt so wrong. After catching his breath he got up and walked into the kitchen, opening a drawer and pulling out a large knife, then opting for a thinner one. It was perfectly adequate to get the job done, and there was no need for something showy or theatrical. A small knife, for his small life. How perfect.

-

Emiya ran into the house, hoping it wasn’t too late. He had let Kirei go without him, but followed at a pace he assumed would be acceptable to catch Kirei before he found anything too condemning. But now, he wasn’t so sure. His master’s energy had spiked furiously and then gone so even that he wondered if he was even still awake. He burst inside the house just in time to see Kirei holding a knife over his heart. Reflexes kicked in and he grabbed a knife from his belt, throwing it cleanly into Kirei’s knife and sending them both clanging to the floor. Kirei looked thoroughly shocked and turned quickly to swipe the knife back up. Realizing that Kirei wasn’t giving up, Emiya launched at him, grabbing at his jacket and yanking him back. Kirei fell to his knees and yanked away, determinedly crawling toward the blades.

“Stop it!” Emiya shouted, yanking on his ankle.
Kirei’s face hit the floor and he flipped onto his back, kicking Emiya in the chest. The Assassin coughed hard as the huge shoe connected with his ribs, but he didn’t let it slow him down. “Kirei! Stop!! Listen to me!” He grabbed at the flailing priest, trying to pin him down, “STOP!” He could have used his Time Alter to stop his master, it would have been easy, but he needed him to hear him. He needed him to choose to stop.

Kirei writhed away enough to start to haul himself back to his feet, but Emiya jumped on his back, sending him right back to the ground. Assassin yanked on his hair, stretching his neck to its limit, “Goddammit! I said stop!”

Kirei wrenched hard on his own head but Emiya held him tightly, “How could you try to kill yourself!? Don’t you realize that Lancer and I would both cease to exist if you died?! Why bother saving Lancer just to kill him with this selfish move??!”

Kirei still hadn’t stopped fighting and Assassin realized that he wasn’t even listening. Changing his grip, he smashed Kirei’s head against the ground, instantly feeling the larger man go limp. He stuck two fingers against Kirei’s artery, and when he was certain there was a pulse, he stood up. “You foolish man.” He said, catching his breath, “You almost ruined all my plans in one fell swoop.”

Assassin looked around the tattered house and didn’t have to think to hard to imagine what he had missed. Everything in sight was smashed, and the energy of the room was still furious. Leaving his passed out master, he wandered through the chaos, finally settling in the study. It was the only one with a smashed in door, and it was a disaster.

“Just a broken doll, eh?” Gilgamesh’s unmistakable voice was directly behind Emiya and it made every hair on his neck stand straight on end. “I see he tried to do himself in.”

“What are you doing here, Archer??” Emiya demanded, angered by what he had found.

“Do you remember a few days ago, when I came into your room and told you I had a gift for you?”

“...yes.” in truth, Emiya couldn’t remember, but it sounded vaguely familiar so he went with it.

“I would like to give you that present now.”

“Gilgamesh. For the love of…” Emiya paused, the normal phrasing not going to work, “Just tell me what you are talking about!”

Gilgamesh chuckled, “Don’t burst a vessel, come, help me drag your priest somewhere less dangerous.

Emiya followed him out to where he had left Kirei resting. “What do you have planned, Archer?” Emiya picked up the top half of the priest and Gilgamesh looked at his feet, raising an eyebrow in question. “Just lead the way, I don’t expect you to touch anyone’s feet.”

Looking satisfied, Gilgamesh waved his hand once in front of him and a door appeared from one of his golden portals. It opened silently and Gilgamesh stepped inside, being consumed by the darkness, “Follow me, Assassin, and bring your lump of man with you.”

Emiya sighed and dragged Kirei in, his feet walking across an unfamiliar substance. It was impossible to see anything, so he didn’t put Kirei down until he heard Gilgamesh clap his hands once, and the room was illuminated completely. The sight was startling and Emiya glanced around.

“You look worried, Assassin.” Gilgamesh said, an open bottle of wine suddenly in his hand.

“What is this place?”

“It’s my illumination room.” Gilgamesh smiled, proudly waving his hand in the small space. “There is nowhere to hide, not from yourself, nor the person atop you.”

“Atop?”

“Indeed.” Gilgamesh sat down, his white shirt crinkling perfectly around his waist and shoulders, “Lay your priest down, Emiya.”

The door closed, and they were left in the small space with no contact to the outside world. It made Emiya the slightest bit claustrophobic, as he wasn’t even sure where in the grand dimensions of space this room existed. It certainly didnt’ exist in the house that Emiya had just been in. It was about the size of a walk in closet, with enough room to lay comfortably on the ground, but not much more. And the walls were mirrors. The ceiling was mirrors. The floor was mirrors. It was a delightful temperature in the room, and the surfaces were warm.

“Go ahead…” Gilgamesh motioned to the ground and Emiya carefully lay Kirei down on the warm, reflective surface. “Your doll is broken now.” Gilgamesh said, sitting close enough to cradle Kirei’s head in his lap. Which he did, and began stroking Kirei’s hair from his face, “And I think it’s time you began fixing it.”

“Get your hand off him.” Emiya said, kneeling beside him.

“Why should I.” Gilgamesh kept his hand on the priest’s hair.

-

Kirei’s eyes blinked open. Something warm was all around him, and although the surface was hard, he felt comfortable, and his head was resting on something comfortable. A hand on his head felt nice, and he looked up, expecting to see Emiya.
But it wasn’t what he saw at all, and his breath caught, “Archer??”

“Well well, look who’s awake?” Archer smiled.

“Am I dead?” Kirei asked, wondering if he had managed to finally die.

Emiya piped up, standing near Kirei’s feet, “No, you selfish prick. You’re alive.” the anger that he had tried to calm suddenly flared back up.

Kirei tried to sit up but Emiya pushed him back down with a boot in his chest, “How could you do it?” he said angrily. “How could you try to kill yourself?”

“I am a monster…” Kirei said, trying again to sit up, and being shoved onto his back just like before.

“Killing yourself is the same as killing me, don’t you realize that??” Emiya wanted how furious he was to sink into Kirei’s thick skull, “Do you want me to die?!”

Kirei’s answer was immediate and he shook his head violently, “N-no!”

“Because that’s what would have happened if you stabbed yourself in the heart!”

“I’m sorry…” Kirei tried again to get up from the vulnerable position and this time Emiya let him.

“You think you are a monster, and you are so hellbent on hating yourself that you didn’t stop for a single moment to think that you would be sending me back to hell??”

“I’m sorry..!” Kirei pleaded, “I don’t want you to die!” the idea of being alive and losing his servant was overwhelming and he tried to grasp at Emiya’s cloak. “I won’t do it again.”

Gilgamesh sipped his wine, “How can he possibly know that, Kirei? You’ve done it once, what’s to say you won’t do it again. There are no consequences to your actions. If you die, then you won’t care what happens to Emiya, now will you?”

Kirei clung to Emiya’s cloak, looking up at him, “Please...forgive me.”

“Bend over.” Emiya said, thinking of what Gilgamesh had mentioned about consequences.

Kirei stared up at Emiya, already on his hands and knees, “What??”

Gilgamesh smiled as he watched Emiya shove Kirei back to the ground and drop to one knee.

“You brought this on yourself, Kirei.” Emiya said, putting one hand on Kirei’s horizontal back and raising his other hand in the air, bringing it down hard on Kirei’s ass.

Kirei jolted a bit at the childish punishment and looked at the ground, chin trembling.

“Oh, now that’s no good.” Gilgamesh chimed in. “Who can feel punishment through their clothes?”

The tips of Kirei’s ears were red and he bowed his head lower, feeling Emiya move around him and tug at his waistband. But the pants weren’t of the soft drawstring variety, and Emiya reached around him, letting his groin press against Kirei’s toned ass for a moment while he unbuttoned them. Emiya took his time with the zipper, letting the tiny vibrations work their way through Kirei’s dick. Finally the fasteners were undone and Emiya slipped them down, exposing just his butt. He moved back around to his side, putting his hand on Kirei’s back and swatting him sharply.

Kirei yipped at the sudden pain and Emiya spanked him again. His hand started stinging after one more and he gritted his teeth, hitting him harder.
Kirei bit his lip, and Emiya looked at his red face, stopping for a moment. “Tell me what you feel, Kirei.” He demanded calmly.

Kirei wished the waistband of his boxers weren’t squeezing him, “Humiliated…” he whispered honestly.

“Because of your punishment, or because of this?” Emiya reached under him and pressed his palm against the aroused member trapped in Kirei’s askew pants. Kirei whimpered and flinched when he touched him. “Is this why your face is as red as your ass?”

Kirei squeezed his eyes shut, trying to control himself. What was it about the white haired man that made him lose control like he did? And in front of Archer? He couldn’t think of anything more disgraceful.

“Open your eyes.” Emiya commanded him and Kirei looked up, catching his look of shame in the mirror before him. His distorted reflection of him on his hands and knees, head raised only slightly, and Emiya fondling him. He looked away, but there he was again, but a new angle. He could see his bare ass with Emiya’s handprints all over it and his chin trembled. He even looked down, and there he was again, staring at himself from the floor. It was hideous.

“Look at yourself…” Emiya whispered harshly, “Look at how ashamed you are.”

“I am ashamed…” Kirei parroted.

“I want you to feel every part of your body, Kirei.” Emiya moved his hands up his waist and onto his scarred back, “Feel this.”

Kirei felt him moving across the scars on his back. Across the map of his past transgressions.

Gilgamesh tossed something at Emiya and he caught it in one hand, looking at it. Gilgamesh nodded at him to open it, and he did, bringing it to his nose. It smelled like Gilgamesh, like a cologne but not that strong. Like...a soap perhaps or an oil.

“Erase his past.” Gilgamesh said softly and Emiya tipped the bottle every so gently, watching the thick liquid pour from small, golden bottle. It was warm and spicy, like sandlewood and myrrh, and Kirei moaned as it touched him. Emiya set the bottle down, running his finger through it, and watching with amazement as the scars disappeared everywhere the salve touched. He ran it up several deep scars, leaving Kirei moaning and dipping his back.

“Feel your past leaving you.” Emiya whispered in his ear, rubbing a dripping hand fully on his shoulder, “Until there is nothing there but me. Feel me on your skin, Kirei…”

Kirei moved only to get closer to the touch and soon Emiya had rubbed the liquid completely into his skin, pushing his shirt up as he went. He worked until his back was smooth and soft and Emiya dipped his head down to run his tongue up his spine. Kirei tried to keep his eyes shut, but if he looked up just enough, he could see Emiya’s body rolling over his own. Dozens of the same image of Emiya running his hands up his back, of his tongue tasting its fill of his skin. Gilgamesh walked to his front, kneeling down and tipping Kirei’s head up, smiling at him.
“You look very tempting this way, mongrel.” he said, tracing the outline of Kirei’s face with his slightly too long nails.

Kirei tried to pull back and Emiya growled, putting a hand on Kirei’s shoulder and pulling him away from Gilgamesh.

“Ohh, being a little greedy aren’t we?” Archer commented.

Emiya responded by sinking his teeth into Kirei’s shoulderblade and glaring up at the blond.
The sudden pain make Kirei cry out and his brain felt like it went into overdrive. He was stuck in this room, with no way out. He was trapped. His clothes were being pulled off and he was exposed. It was too much. He shoved Gilgamesh away with all his might and lept to his feet before Emiya could react, yanking his pants up as he lept to the other end of the room, pressing his back against the wall.
“Why are you doing this? Why did you heal me?” Kirei was too confused to come up with a thought of his own and Gilgamesh thought he looked like a scared rabbit.

“Why do you think no one loves you, Kirei?” Emiya stood up, taking a single, nonthreatening step toward his prey.

“I’m an abomination.”

“You are just parroting what others have told you. Why do YOU think no one loves you?”

Kirei’s eyes darted around the room, searching for an escape.

Another step.

“Why are you an abomination?”

Kirei’s eyes frantically moved and his breathing quickened.

“Why does Kirei Kotomine not deserve to be loved?”

Kirei turned to Emiya, a maniacal look in his eye, “BECAUSE I AM DIFFERENT!!” was the raw answer that he shouted. “And now even the reasons that I thought I was different, are a lie! There is not one reason that I should be alive!”

Emiya smacked him across the face, hard enough to force his head to snap to the side. It stayed turned for a second before he looked back at Emiya and continued, “My life is not worth livi-!”
Emiya smacked him again, harder, watching as Kirei fell to his knees, shaking with sobs.

“My entire life is falling apart…” He wept, covering his face with his hands, “My father is dead, my master has left me, and there is nothing I can do about this war! I have no wish, and I am going to disappoint you...There is no way to stop disappointing the people I most want...that I most want to…”

“To what?”

“To accept me…” His voice broke too hard for him to continue talking and Emiya knelt into his space, tipping his face upward and kissing him tenderly.

“Tell me what you want me to accept.” Emiya prodded further into his heart.

“Me…” Kirei said plainly, “I am empty...and broken.”

“Kirei…” Emiya smiled at him, looking deep into his brown eyes, “You don’t have to be broken. I already accept you as you are, but I can also help you.”

“No one can help me. I’m not even hu--man….” Kirei said shamefully.

“I am not human either, now am I?”

Kirei shook his head ‘no’ slowly, knowing Emiya was right. “But...God will never forgive me now.”

Emiya gritted his teeth at the mention of God’s forgiveness and kissed him again, “God’s love isn’t the only ideal worth chasing!” He said, both hands resting on Kirei’s chest.

“But I was created for that single purpose. To be a servant of God.”

“Then pledge allegiance to another master…” Emiya whispered, tucking his fingers inside Kirei’s jacket lapel and pulling.

“But…” Kirei started protesting and Emiya stopped him with a kiss, tossing his jacket to the ground.

“Don’t backtalk me.” Emiya said in his ear, pushing him back against the wall.

Kirei was on his knees, back to the wall, and the dark look in Emiya’s eyes frightened him. Pledging allegiance to another master? Another God? His brain felt like it was firing in every direction.

“You lost all your rights to your body when you tried to kill yourself.” Emiya snarled, tearing the tshirt from Kirei’s torso with one strong movement, and all thoughts of different religions were dashed from Kirei’s mind. There was no other god. There was only his Assassin. The Assassin that had been trying to keep his arousal in check, being self conscious that Gilgamesh was in the room. But, he realized that the blond had been there nearly every other time he had sexed the priest, and stopped caring about propriety. “Your body is mine, Kirei.” He dug his nails deep into Kirei’s skin, dragging them down his chest in a bloody line and shoving his pants down, before realizing there was no way to get them off with Kirei’s legs bent. But he didn’t care about the fabric, and pulled a small knife from his belt, starting the slit at Kirei’s ankle and cutting until the pants fell away.

Kirei couldn’t breathe. His clothes were being torn to ribbons and Emiya had a knife to his throat. “Your life is mine to do what I like with. Say that.”

Kirei knew how easy it would be to fall forward on the knife. He could finally end it all. And be rid of this miserable existence. But suddenly...he didn’t want to. “My life is yours…”

Emiya trailed the knife across Kirei’s shoulder, “Yes. It is. Everything is mine now. Even your very soul. Everything is mine!!” He jabbed the knife into Kirei’s shoulder and watched Kirei cry out as blood spurted from the wound. “Swear it. Swear you are mine, and no one else’s.” He dropped the knife, smearing the blood across his bare chest as he looked him in the eyes. “Swear on your blood.”

Kirei couldn’t take his eyes off the man forcing him to become his, “I swear.”

Emiya smiled approvingly, “Yes. Good. Now…” he sat back a bit, “Put your hands behind your back.”

Kirei did as he was told.

Emiya reached around him and touched both his wrists, “They are bound now. Do not untie them, unless I tell you to. Do you understand?”

Kirei tested his arms movement, curious what sort of curse Emiya had used. “But...they’re not bound.”

“Yes they are. Maybe not physically, but to prove your loyalty to me, you won’t let them part. No matter what I subject you to, your arms will remain tied behind you, understand?”

“Yes…” Kirei knew he could move his arms, that there was nothing actually holding them, but, if felt more real than times that he had actually been bound with rope. It was confining, and his muscles tensed against the imaginary pressure. He wanted to move so badly that his arms burned, but he didn’t dare. Something about Emiya had changed, and it scared him. Something dark and commanding, something that would beat him if he disobeyed, or...be disappointed. So he held still while Emiya finished cutting his clothes away, pushing the scraps that gathered, into a pile and sliding it across the floor where it disappeared.
Emiya knelt in front of him and unwound the mask from his face, letting it drop into the pile of shredded cloth, and pulling a cigarette from his pocket. Taking his time lighting it and taking the first drag while Kirei watched in anticipation of what would happen. He looked deep into Kirei’s eyes, blowing the smoke slowly in his face.
The priest blinked his burning eyes, but didn’t cough, breathing in the smoke that had just been in his lover’s lungs. The cigarette dangled from Emiya’s lips and he held his hand out, putting it under Kirei’s jaw and tipping his head back slightly, as though inspecting goods.
The skin on Kirei’s chest started getting tight where the blood was drying, and he readjusted his weight slightly, trying not to move too much. Emiya’s hand went to his neck and his thumb traced down Kirei’s windpipe, “You’re beautiful…” He muttered and Kirei’s heart skipped a beat. He had never felt so exposed, sitting in the corner of a mirrored room, completely naked in front of the man he wanted to please. The complement raced through his veins, and his skin flushed.

Emiya smiled and took another puff, sticking out his tongue just to lick his thumb. He pressed the moistened digit across Kirei’s nipple and watched his face flinch, “Yes, truly beautiful.”

Kirei’s skin wasn’t the only thing changing with the compliments, and Emiya reached between Kirei’s legs, touching his growing erection with his fingertips, “Does that excite you? Being beautiful?”

Kirei’s hips moved toward the wall and Emiya looked him in the eye, “Tsk tsk, don’t move away from me. Move back.” He held his hand just away from Kirei’s reach.
Kirei didn’t move fast enough and Emiya moved his hand away completely. “You need to obey me, Kirei.”

“I’m sorry…” Kirei leaned forward, worried about the calm tone Emiya had chided him with. “I will obey.”

“You already knew to obey, and yet you didn’t.”

Kirei’s eyes help more apology than any words could and he trembled.

“Bend over.” Emiya said before another drag of his cigarette.

Kirei’s mind screamed at him to stop, but his body tipped instantly, his forehead nearly touching the floor. He winced as his erection pressed between his thighs and stomach.

“Ass in the air.” Emiya said, “Your back is so perfect now…” He admired his handiwork as Kirei inclined his hips slightly. “Higher.”

Kirei whimpered and raised his whole body, hands still ‘tied’ behind his back. Emiya put his hand on the back of his neck, pressing down firmly, “Don’t try to cheat, or your punishment will be even more severe.”

Kirei let his forehead touch the ground and saw himself staring back. He looked away but just saw his abdomen in the mirror.

“I see you looking at yourself, Kirei.” Emiya chuckled, kneeling behind him, “Tell me, do you like what you see?”

Kirei didn’t answer and felt a swift slap on his ass, “AH! No!”

“You don’t like it?”

“N-no.” He stammered honestly.

“I want you to look again.” Emiya reached in front of him and stroked him once, “Look at yourself.”

Kirei looked at where Emiya’s hand was and wanted to look away. He never looked at himself there, and seeing a hand other than his own was more arousing than he had anticipated. “Nnnn. Emiya!” He wanted it to stop and straightened out his back, lifting his head quickly. But instead of being able to bolt, he was met with Gilgamesh kneeling in front of him. The smirk on his perfect face was enough to panic Kirei, especially when he heard Emiya’s pants coming undone and Gilgamesh seized the priest’s jaw in his hand, lifting a wine glass to his mouth. “Drink, Kirei.” Gilgamesh prompted, tipping the contents into his mouth. Wine dripped on the ground as Kirei sputtered and felt hot hands on his asscheeks.

“Spread your legs.” Emiya said, and Gilgamesh tipped the glass again, forcing more liquid into his mouth. Kirei tried to keep his legs together, but the wine made the mirror slippery and one nudge from Emiya’s knee caused the fateful slip. Some wine found its way into his stomach, and Gilgamesh placed the glass on the ground beside him, then forced his head back down so he could watch. “Keep your eyes open, mongrel.”

Kirei still held his arms behind his back, mortified of what would happen if he released the hold. Gilgamesh’s wine glass was full again and he felt the cool liquid splash on his back, gathering in the dimples on his lower back, trickling down his hips, through his ass, down his legs. Emiya’s cigarette was spent, and the last thing Kirei saw was it flicking across the room and disappearing before Emiya thrust into him. He screamed at the rude intrusion, even though he felt tingly and numb everywhere the wine had touched. He wished his body would turn off, but it wouldn’t allow it. Pain flowed through his body as Emiya thrust in harder, each time driving himself in a little deeper. Kirei felt every throbbing inch as Emiya fucked him and something hot ran down his leg. The wine he was kneeling in mixed with the blood running down his leg. He had been torn open. Emiya panted unabashedly, and Kirei looked up, eyes full of tears, hoping the king of heroes would take pity on him and make it stop. But the wish was foolish, and Gilgamesh caught his look with an evil glint in his eye and lifted the glass to Kirei’s lips again. “It will numb the pain.” He promised
Kirei swallowed willingly at first, but Gilgamesh wouldn’t stop and soon he had drained the entire glass just to get a breath. He felt Emiya cum inside him and whimpered, wine draining down his chin and neck.

“Ahhhh…..” Emiya’s sigh of satisfaction gave him hope that it was over. That he wouldn’t have to face anything else. Not in that room. This most horrible, awful room. His head felt fuzzy and Emiya pulled out of him fast, but just as quickly, something else was jammed into Kirei’s ass.

“AAhHH!!” He shouted, whipping his body around to see what had happened. “NO! No more! Get that thing out of me!” Something had plugged him up and it hurt. He was bleeding, and full of liquid, and he wanted it to be over. “NO!”

Gilgamesh watched Emiya narrow his eyes when the priest talked back, and smiled to himself. Being in the room was more than a place to be private, more than just a place to face your fears. It was a place where you became yourself, and couldn’t say no to your desires.

Emiya twisted the smooth golden dildo he had stuck in Kirei’s ass, “I’m not going to stop, Kirei.” He hissed, “And if you think I’m going to waste any of your precious, beautiful pain, you’re wrong.”

Kirei tensed against the feeling and cried out again when Emiya pushed it in harder, “Please! No more!”

“Do you really want me to take this out?”

Kirei nodded, his face twisted and wet from tears. “Please!”

Emiya pulled on it slowly, drinking in the grateful moan that Kirei was giving as it was removed. But just as the last inch was going to slip out, Emiya slammed it all the way in. Kirei’s scream echoed in the small room and Emiya yanked him up by his hair, hissing in his ear lasciviously, “Then blow me, and I’ll take it out.”

Kirei wasn’t trying to control his tears anymore, and they flowed freely down his neck, washing clean lines through the mixture of dried blood and wine on his chest, “P-please…” He begged, squirming at the pain of the golden rod inside him.

Emiya stood up, holding him steady by his soft hair, “God, your hair is soft...it’s almost sinful.” he snickered, walking around to the front of Kirei as Gilgamesh moved behind him. Kirei felt like a wounded deer, being circled by two starving lions. And they weren’t just going to devour him, they would toy with him until they got bored, or until he broke. Emiya looked down at him, smiling, “Go on, take me in your mouth. I bet I still taste like your insides.”

Kirei sobbed, feeling Gilgamesh’s hands touching his sides, running up his spine, defiling him with their filthy touch. Obviously cumming inside him wasn’t enough to satisfy Emiya, as he was still hard as the dildo inside him that he so desperately wanted out. It was with that promise in mind, that Kirei leaned forward and wrapped his mouth around Emiya’s cock. Something dripped down his lips as he pumped him and he gagged, trying to get a breath.

“Don’t stop.” Emiya panted, his hand resting lightly on Kirei’s head.

He choked again and reflex kicked in, pulling him away enough for Emiya to feel the hesitation, “I said don’t stop.” He reminded him, his fist suddenly tight around a handful of hair, pulling him back toward him. Kirei tried to shout a protest, but Emiya just moaned at the deep throated vibration. “Oh god yes.” He said, forcing himself harder down Kirei’s throat.
Kirei thrashed his body violently to get away, but Emiya held his head firmly, fucking him almost as hard as he had fucked his ass.

Gilgamesh added some pleased laughter to the mix of desperate sounds and rubbed himself against Kirei’s ass, making sure that the dildo didn’t go anywhere.

Emiya came again, releasing his hold on Kirei’s head only when he was certain every drop had been milked from him. The king of heroes simultaneously let go and Kirei fell to his stomach coughing hard, covered in fluids, hands still behind his back. The coughs were too close together and he gagged hard, throwing up wine and cum. His body contracted, trying to force the toy out, and Emiya took a second to catch his breath before tugging it slowly out, “You were a very good boy, Kirei.” His voice was satisfied for the moment and he tossed the used toy to the side, accidentally flicking a line of fluid with it. He looked at his spent priest, laying in a pool of the night’s fluids, coughing and still erect. His sobs had devolved into sharp gasps as he tried to calm down, knowing it was over.
He spat weakly at his own reflection and Emiya knelt beside him and brushing the damp hair from Kirei’s demoralized face. “You did well, my Kirei.”

Kirei looked up at him, wide eyed, yearning to please.

“So well, that now it’s time to get up.”

“W-what?”

Emiya reached down, massaging Kirei’s wrists and moving them away from each other. “These bonds are gone, Kirei. You did so well not removing them, and your punishment is over.”

Kirei smiled eagerly, moving to sit up. His body ached and his leg slipped on the mixed fluids, setting him down hard on his ass. It didnt’ hurt more than a quick wince, and he looked up at Emiya. “Then we can go home now…?” he asked hopefully, hands folded over his dick, trying to will it to stop embarrassing him.

“It wouldn’t be very gracious to leave without thanking our host, now would it?”

“Thank you, Archer.” Kirei’s eyes didn’t leave Emiya’s face, but filled with mortified confusion when he shook his head.

“No, Kirei.” Emiya shook his head again, “Not like that.”

Kirei’s dripping chin trembled and he glanced over at the king, who was comfortably leaned against the opposite wall. But the thing that caught his eye wasn’t the golden king, waiting for his thanks, it was the dozens of mirrors that reflected nothing but Kirei’s shame. He saw himself naked, from every angle. He was bleeding from places he hadn’t even realized were hurt, covered in filth. And after all that he had done, it wasn’t over. “Please…” he turned back to Emiya, bowing down to him, “Please don’t make me do this.”

Emiya tilted his head, a bit confused, “Why not?” he asked a question that masked his actual confusion of what Kirei thought he was going to have to do.

“Please.” Kirei clutched Emiya’s cloak, pulling it to his face like it were the shroud of Turin. “Please! I’m begging you!” his previous cries of dismay might as well have been laughter compared to the tone he was using now. “I’ll do anything!” He sobbed so hard he choked and Emiya tipped his head up to face him.

“Stop whining.” he said calmly.

Kirei couldn’t stop, “Please don’t give me to him!!” He begged, “I’ll let you do anything to me, just...don’t give me away.”

“It will only be a moment.” Emiya went along with the fear, watching Kirei’s actions go from desperate to frenzied as he tried to think of some way to change Emiya’s mind.

Kirei practically threw himself at the assassin, clutching to his clothing and muddling his panicked words together as he slipped in the mess he had made. It hurt Emiya, to see him so frantic. To see how scared he was to be tossed aside. He felt Kirei’s hand slip down the front of his pants and flushed. “Kirei...stop. You’re embarrassing yourself.”

“I don’t care!” the priest sounded like he was suffocating, and Emiya pushed him back.

“Kirei! That’s enough! What is the matter with you?” He scolded.

Kirei skidded across the floor a few inches, pulling his legs to his chest and hugging them tight to his shaking body. The idea of becoming Archer’s plaything was more mortifying to him than any other punishment he could think of.

Emiya shed the macho facade he had been using all night and he dropped to his knees beside Kirei, cradling his head in his hands, “Kirei…”

Kirei looked up at him, knowing he was going to be told that he was nothing more than a throwaway plaything. That there was nothing to desire or love about him anyway, so how could he have fooled himself into thinking that Emiya cared?

“Kirei, I was never going to give you to Gilgamesh…” He said instead. And the words shocked him more than if Emiya had socked him in the stomach. “You’re not some toy to be passed around.” He continued, “You’re mine. Didn’t I tell you that?”
Emiya’s face looked pained. Like it hurt him that Kirei would think he would just give him away as some prize. “Didn’t I tell you that you belonged to me, mind, body, and soul?”

Kirei nodded once. Emiya HAD said that.

“And do you think that I was lying?”

Kirei almost couldn’t imagine not being lied to, so he did nothing. He said nothing.

“Won’t you give yourself to me, Kirei?” He asked softly, brushing his knuckles across Kirei’s stained face, “Won’t you let me have you?”

Kirei put a hand quickly over Emiya’s, pressing his cheek harder into the touch, “But...I’m not real...I can’t feel like a normal person. I try to find joy, but…” Kirei’s words trailed off until he caught a fast breath, “I’m not normal...and I never will be.” He looked up at Emiya, full of doubt, “Do you really want someone like me?”

Gilgamesh fought back tears as he watched the scene unfold. Such words had been spoken to him a very long time ago, in a situation not so unlike the one he was witnessing. When his beloved Enkidu had worried and fretted that the King of Kings would not feel satisfied having a genderless lover made of nothing but clay. That he would never be truly satisfied, and then Enkidu would be forgotten, abandoned. It had pierced Gilgamesh’s heart when he had heard them from his own sobbing lover, and now again, listening to the creature he had become so interested in. His heart ached for the love he had lost, and he stood up silently, dematerializing and leaving the two men alone. It was enough entertainment for the night...and more than enough heartache.

Emiya didn’t notice Gilgamesh leave, nor would he have cared if he stayed. His only focus was on pulling his naked lover close to him, cradling him in his lap. His chest rested comfortably against Kirei’s broad back and he held him until Kirei’s breathing reached a steady, healthy tempo. “You really are beautiful, you know that?” Emiya smiled into his shoulder, able to see Kirei blush in the mirror opposite where they were sitting.

“I….I’m not.” Kirei said sheepishly.

“Don’t backtalk.” Emiya said playfully, letting his hand fall to Kirei’s twitching cock.

“NGH!” Kirei jolted, covering his mouth quickly.

“Turn around.” Emiya said, already twisting Kirei’s body to face him. The assassin leaned back so Kirei could swing his leg over his head, and rested his hands on Kirei’s thighs. His legs were tucked under Kirei’s and he scooted forward until their groins were touching. Kirei’s pupils looked shot and Emiya took both of them in his hand and stroked slowly, pressing the erections together in his hand as Kirei watched, wide eyed.

“You’re you, and that’s all I need.” Emiya said and Kirei looked up at him, “If you’re human or homunculus, it doesn’t matter. Because I’ve grown to love your precious soul.”

The words brought new tears to Kirei’s eyes, but he smiled, leaning forward and wrapping his arms around Emiya. His legs bent, and he hooked his ankles behind the assassin’s back, drawing him as close as he could. Emiya let him hang on while he stroked them quicker, his own body ready for the final release.

Kirei held on, but also opened his eyes. Every reflection suddenly didn’t seem so terrifying, and he watched from several angles as Emiya stroked them, even joining in when he felt like Emiya was getting a bit worn out.
Emiya moaned when Kirei’s long fingers wrapped around their dicks and Kirei came almost immediately after hearing his lover’s pleasure, finally some of his own cum spilling down his hands. Emiya arched his back and breathed through his clamped teeth, failing to contain any moans as he came harder than any of the other times. Kirei sputtered in surprise as cum hit him in the face and he blinked rapidly.

Emiya laughed weakly at the perfect shocked face Kirei had made, pulling him into a hug and feeling like he was going to collapse. “I wish you could see yourself as I see you…” He said sleepily.

Kirei thought for a minute, then responded, “I’ll try. I can’t make any promises, but I’ll try.”

Emiya smiled. “I think you’ll be happy that you tried.”

“Yes...perhaps…” It felt good to hold the smaller man in his arms, and Kirei saw no need in moving. So he didn’t.

Notes:

This story is dedicated to and coauthored by bluejugoking. Without their help, this story would not have been written!

So, to my angel, my muse, this story is for you. I hope we write many more stories together!