Chapter Text
Klaus is absentmindedly gripping the dog tags around his neck, rubbing his thumb up and down the engravings. He feels so much older all of a sudden as he glances down at Vanya and thinks about what all they have to do. It feels overwhelming. They’re thirteen again, how are they supposed to do this all over again. He’s not quite sure his sanity can take it. He worries his lip between his teeth, his gaze a hundred miles away.
Ben notices Klaus’ far off look. He can guess what’s causing it. He’s feeling overwhelmed too. And, not just overwhelmed at what they have to do. He feels like all of his senses are dialed to 100. He can feel the light breeze ruffle his hair, the warmth of the sun on his skin. He closes his eyes and angles his face toward the sun. Warm. He never thought he’d feel this again. Diego still has a hand on his shoulder. It’s a nice anchor. Another reminder that he’s corporal, real, actually made of flesh.
He opened his eyes and noticed Diego glancing over at Klaus, his eyebrows drawn together in worry.
“I’m worried too,” Ben admitted lowly. Diego startled at his voice, “What?”
“ I’m… just… I’m worried about him, about us, about all of this too. I think there’s a lot we should be worried about. But… this, this wasn’t a great year for Klaus. Wasn’t a great year for any of us really,” Ben explained, gazing over at Klaus. He feels weird being able to talk to someone who isn’t Klaus. He almost feels like he’s cheating, but quickly shakes that thought out of his head. Klaus had confided so much in him, sometimes by accident, high on his latest hit and delirious, sometimes between sobs pulling at his hair worrying he was going even crazier than he already was. He confided to Ben about the mausoleum, their father’s experiments, and more. But, Ben felt like Klaus would always catch himself before saying too much. He could see the trauma on his brother’s face. The weight almost physically weighing him down.
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He knows they all went through more rigorous training once puberty hit and Reginald realized they could handle more. No one escaped their childhood without trauma.
Once, when Ben and Diego were driving around before he… well, before he died… Ben confided in Diego that he thought he was a monster. He joked that was why he was nicknamed The Horror. Diego, not used to Ben’s more morbid moments, had looked at him in barely disguised horror as Ben mused on. Wondering if one day The Horrors would take over leaving Ben a ghost of himself
“Do you think… d’you think that when they take over I’ll die or will I be trapped?” Ben asked Diego, his voice a whisper, as if speaking the words would seal his fate.
Diego, who never was great at communication and affection unless it was Mom, quickly stammered soft platitudes to comfort Ben. His stutter prominent as he told Ben that that would never happen, that he’d never let it happen.
Ben remembers realizing that Diego would never fully understand. He remembers angrily brushing away tears and knuckling at his eyes as he breathed in, laughing shakily, “Yea, yea, you’re right. That’ll never happen.” Diego had one thing right, Ben never would let that happen. He’d kill himself before he turned into any more of a monster.
After that night, Ben learned to keep his deepest, darkest thoughts to himself. Only confiding in Klaus when he was too high or too drunk to remember their conversation. Sometimes, in the rare moments that Ben forgot his promise to himself, he’d whisper his worries to Klaus as they laid in bed, seeking comfort in each other and the beats of their hearts.
Klaus had become more withdrawn in recent weeks, often recoiling from their siblings touch, startled by noise that no one else heard, eyes drawn to shadows only visible to him. But, there were still nights were Klaus would sneak into Ben’s room, waking Ben up with pleading eyes and a gentle, breathless voice. Ben quickly realized these nights generally happened after Klaus’ secret missions with their father and began to expect the semi-weekly visits. Klaus seemed like a shadow of himself, sniffling and dragging his feet, as he would clamber into bed with Ben.
Klaus’ heart always reminded Ben of a baby bird, so high and quick, but Ben knew it wasn’t as innocent. Once Klaus’ sniffles had ended and his heartbeat evened out, he’d joke around with Ben that they were getting as bad as Allison and Luther. It would always get a laugh out of Ben; he knew that whatever Luther and Allison had going on, Ben and Klaus were never like them. It was never a sexual thing between them. It was innocent and pure, seeking each other out for comfort during the height of the storm, the darkness that was their father, that was their childhood.
Once in a very blue moon, their duo would become a trio as Diego would join. This only happened at the beginning of their individual missions with their father. Diego would come home eyes wide and breathless, avoiding the bath and shower for days until Allison would complain that he smelled and Mom would encourage him to take a bath. Those nights, Diego would join and Klaus would joke even more. Ben would stay quiet thumbing through his latest novel, listening to Klaus’ wild stories and Diego’s laughter as he swore that Klaus was crazy. But, Ben could tell he loved Klaus’ stories. The wilder the better.
Ben knew that Diego craved love, almost more than any of the other siblings. Diego leaned into Mom’s affectionate touches, always gazing at her in adoration. As much as Diego loved Mom, Ben knew Diego would leave as soon as he could. Out of the seven of them, he always was the most independent by choice. Ben wasn’t surprised when Diego left shortly after turning 18. He remembers Diego proudly proclaiming that he was going to become a police officer and really help those in need. Ben had been so happy for his brother, Klaus, Vanya, and Allison too. Luther couldn’t understand Diego’s need to be independent, but he wished him luck all the same.
It all went to shit soon after that.
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Five’s voice knocks him out of his memories and back to the present. How odd is it that his memories are older than his current body? Is it really the present or the past? Ben shakes himself out of his musings and tries to focus again on Five’s voice. Diego’s hand continuing to be an anchor on his shoulder.
“Based on the position of the sun,” Five started and Klaus snorted, catching Ben’s eye, “as I was saying… Based on the position of the sun, it’s a bit past mid-day. I tried to bring us back sometime before I left, but it doesn’t feel like April, so who the hell knows. When we go inside, act natural. Allison, Rumor anyone who asks too many questions As. A. Last. Resort,” he emphasizes the last couple words, “Luther, grab Vanya. We’ll say that she fainted outside. Our story will be that we’ve been outside training the whole afternoon. Ok, this is it. Don’t. Screw. It. Up,” Five looked at Klaus, Diego, and Luther as he emphasized the last few words.
Klaus held up his hands in mock surrender as he clambered up and held a hand out for Allison to do the same. Diego grunted, sounding like a petulant child, Ben thought, as he gripped Ben’s shoulder once more and let go. Luther begrudgingly nodded as he lifted Vanya up bridal style. Ben looked over to Five and nodded. Now or never.
Five led them up to the back entrance, Luther behind him with Vanya, the others trailing behind.
As Five went to open the door, it swung open, their Mom on the other side with a plastered smile on.
“Oh, there you all are,” she smiled, “Dinner will be served soon. You better wash up,” she continued as the siblings walked past her.
Diego was the last to come in. He looked up at Mom and gave her a quick hug, hiding his head in her apron as he breathed in her perfume, “Hi, Mom. It’s g-g-g-good to see you again,” he stuttered.
“Oh, silly,” she said cheerfully, “We just saw each other. But, it’s oh so good to see you again too Diego. Should I make cookies?”
He laughed wetly and realized he was crying, “Yea, Mom, that’d be great.”
He squeezed her one more time as he let go and followed behind the rest of his siblings. Glancing back at Mom one more time.
Diego jumped when Ben put an arm around him and smiled, “It does feel good to be back,” he admitted gazing back at Mom and the Foyer as they made their way to the stairs, “I forgot what it smelled like,” Ben admitted, breathing in the scent of the mansion again.
Klaus laughed a few feet away, already halfway up the stairs, “Well, I for one, do not miss the smell. But, damn am I jonesing for a bath.”
“Glad you’re jonesing for a bath and not anything else,” Diego called back up to him as he followed up the stairs.
“This is a virgin body,” Klaus laughed back at Diego and twirled at the top of the stairs, “I’m not jonesing for anything,” Klaus lied and laughed some more.
“Number One!” Reginald shouted, walking into the foyer, “ what is the meaning of this?” he gestured at the array of children. It was unusual for all seven of them to be together if they weren’t in class or in mandatory training.
“Listen up Old Man--” Five started, no one surprised that he was the first one to abandon his own plan, but Luther finished, “Sir, we were training outside instead of inside today. We should have told you. It won’t happen again.” Luther caught Five’s eye and shook his head slightly when Five opened his mouth again.
“Number One, you must tell Pogo next time you decide to change the location of your training. I expect better of you,” Reginald scolded as he walked toward the office, leaving the group of children in his wake.
“Number Four, I expect you to report in my office after dinner,” he snapped, not bothering to look at the children before he closed the doors behind him, ensconcing himself in his office.
Luther looked at Klaus confused, “What did you do?”
“Oh fearless leader, how should I know?” Klaus smiled, shrugged, and turned his attention to Mom, “Mother dear, what’s for dinner? We’re all starved” he clapped his hands together and walked toward the kitchen leaving the other children in his wake.
“FIve, do you know what day it is?” Ben asked glancing toward the kitchen and Klaus’ retreating form.
“Not sure, my goal was to jump back to when I first appeared 8 days ago. Obviously that went to shit.”
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“Darling, it’s time to report to your father’s office,” Grace smiled at Klaus and the others. “You will arrive just on time if you leave now.”
Klaus smiled lazily over at Grace, winked at Ben and Allison, and pushed his seat back. Standing up, leaning back, and cracking his back.
“Thank you Mother Dear, we wouldn’t want to keep Reggie waiting would we.”
“Klaus,” Luther warned, eyeing him with annoyance.
“Oh, don’t get your panties in a twist space boy. I’m going, I’m going,” he waved the hand that would one day have the words ‘good-bye’ tattooed on to the group and walked out of the kitchen.
Klaus by no means cared if he was on time to his meeting with Reggie. He honestly had no idea what it was for and couldn’t for the life of him remember. Too many drugs had addled his brain, he thought and giggled.
“Master Klaus,” Pogo interrupted Klaus’ thoughts behind him, “Sir Reginald is waiting.”
“I’m going, I’m going,” Klaus waved Pogo off annoyance coloring his voice, “I don’t remember you being so pushy”
Pogo harrumphed and turned around, leading Klaus to Reginald’s office.
The scene that greeted Klaus felt like deja vu. He giggled again, would the next 17 years feel like a bad trip?
“Cease your laughing at once Number Four,” Reginald snapped, “You’re late.”
“I’m so sorry, daddy dearest. This mansion is so big and it’s oh so easy to get lost.”
“Number Four, I grow tired of your useless prattling. Cease any further excuses. We have lost enough time as is. Follow me.” Reginald gathered his coat and cane, sweeping by Klaus as he put his coat and top hat on.
“Oh, an adventure!” Klaus clapped his hands together, “How I love those, don’t we?” Klaus looked around trying to catch Ben’s eye and smirk. Ah, right, Ben’s alive, Klaus should be happy. He should be so happy. He is. But, it feels wrong to be by himself. Klaus’ smile fell for a minute and he shook himself out of the past… or the future… or the past… at this point, who the fuck knows… and focused on Reginald again.
“Number Four, follow,” Reginald snapped.
Klaus scampered along beside him glancing up at Reginald. At 13, he had recently had a growth spurt but Reginald was still taller than him. Klaus was used to being one of the taller siblings and it felt odd to have to look up at others again. A bad acid trip.
“So, daddy dearest, where are we going?” Klaus asked.
“Number Four, your forgetfulness must stop. I expect better of you,” Reginald replied, but didn’t answer Klaus’ question.
“Mhmm, mhmm,” Klaus nodded, “Silly old me, so very forgetful”
“We will be testing your abilities again tonight. You must learn to disregard this ridiculous fear of the dead and fully embrace your powers,” Reginald explained as he continued walking.
Klaus meanwhile had frozen on the spot at Reginald’s reply.
“T-t-testing?” Klaus whispered questioningly, “We’re not.. I mean, that’s to say… heh… We’re not going to the mausoleum, are we?” he asked, trying to mask his fear with a joke, but knowing his voice was growing hoarse from fear. Klaus was trying to remember this moment. Everything felt so muddled. Did he already have this memory or was it a new one?
“Correct. Keep up, Number Four. I will not have you dallying and further delaying,” Reginald responded.
“No,” Klaus moaned, sinking a little, “No, no, no, no, no, please, no. I can’t. Ican’t. Ican’t…”
“Number Four,” Reginald snapped, finally turning to look at Klaus, disdain coloring his features, “Stop this at once.”
“No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Not again, not again, not again.” Klaus continued to moan, shaking his head and wrapping his arms around his body, “I can’t. Sir, I… I can’t. Not again,” Klaus honestly didn’t even care if he was begging. There was no way he was going through this shit again.
“Stop this foolishness Number Four. NOW!” Reginald boomed. His echoing voice gaining the other’s attention in the dining room as they filed out after dinner to take in the scene before them.
“Klaus?” Ben questioned. Eyeing Klaus, who had collapsed in on himself, perched on the floor, hands hugging his chest, trembling and shaking front and back. “What’s going on?”
“Number Six, I will not tolerate speaking when not spoken to. Do not worry yourself about this. Number One, lead the others upstairs,” Reginald ordered, as Reginald all at once rushed in to grab the back of Klaus’ collar, manhandling him toward the door.
Klaus grabbed on to Reginald’s hand, tried to stand, tried to break free. He had forgotten how strong Reginald was. Forgotten how weak he constantly felt.
Klaus couldn’t help it. He started laughing. This was his life. Of course Five would bring them back to their past, of course he would have to relive all of his worst memories again. Of course. Just, god, how ironic. He finally got clean. Finally discovered more of his powers. And, he’s thrown right back into the thick of his worst memories.
“Klaus, come on.”
Klaus blinked and looked around. Ben was still in the foyer with them. Everyone was still in the foyer. Allison’s eyes were glued to his. He could feel Reginald’s hand jerking him forward. He felt like he was on display. His family never cared to see what was going on whenever he whimpered, but followed Reginald to his training sessions. Everyone always turned a blind eye. He always had wished someone would see. Would just see him and understand. But this somehow felt so much worse.