Chapter Text
Kakashi-sensei landed effortlessly, curled around Sakura like she was fragile, and for a moment they stayed like that; Kakashi-sensei coiled and clinging to her as Sakura panted and held her chain like a lifeline.
“Sakura!” Naruto yelled as he and Sasuke ran for them.
Naruto was bawling, fat tears rolling down his face and even Sasuke had tears in his lashes. Kakashi was still curled around her and Sakura realized he was silently crying as well, holding her tightly like he’d never let go. Sakura stared at all the tears and panicked, not sure what to do in the face of them. One part of her wanted to cry too, but Sakura had learned too well not to cry when other people were looking at her.
“Let me up,” she said shakily.
Kakashi did so slow, uncurling as Naruto and Sasuke hovered. Naruto didn’t try to quiet his sobs as he bawled, wiping at his eyes. As soon as Sakura had her feet under her she took two swift steps back, still clinging to the chain. She stared at team who stared right back their relief palpable in the air.
It started to sink in slowly, Sakura’s mind turning over all the new information that she was safe. It was like all the gears in her head had slowed as they tried to process this new revelation and Sakura stood in silence for what felt like forever. The sound of the chain hitting the pavement seemed to echo in her ears and then Sakura’s blunted nails were tearing at the collar around her neck, desperately trying to rip it off.
Someone reached for her but Sakura didn’t know who. She jerked back out of reach, flinching away from the hands. A nail tore on the buckle edge and her hands became slick with blood as she jerked at the leather. Sakura managed to get the edge with wet fingers and pulled hard enough she choked herself while undoing it. The sound of the blood-stained collar hitting the ground was almost silent, but it seemed to ring in her ears. Sakura stood over it panting. The fine tremor that had taken up it’s home in her bones returned and Sakura stared at the collar.
“Sakura,” someone called and Sakura flinched at the sound of her own name.
She stared at her team who stared back, wide eyed and worried.
“Sakura,” Kakashi-sensei repeated softly.
“I’m fine,” Sakura gasped, “I’m fine.”
The lie passed her lips effortlessly and Sakura knew it wasn’t completely a lie. She was with her team with that fucking collar off and so she was more fine than she’d been in the past weeks.
“You’re covered in blood,” Sasuke said quietly in the din.
“It’s not mine,” she said, “I mean it’s mostly not mine.”
That made the stares worse and Sakura tried to remember a time she hadn’t had blood under her nails.
“Sakura,” Kakashi-sensei murmured, “Can I give you a hug?”
Sakura could really use a hug she thought. But she could also use not having anyone touch her ever again.
“Can I say no?” she sniffled, unsure.
“Of course,” he said gently.
“Then I don’t want anyone touching me until I’ve washed the blood off,” Sakura wiped at her nose.
The tears hovered at the corner of her eyes but she couldn’t let them fall. The boys reached out for her, as if instinctive, but they stayed their hands from fully touching her. Naruto cried enough tears for the both of them and she felt something in her truly soften at the sight. She’d never really hated Naruto before, just been extremely annoyed with him most of the time. But now she couldn’t even dredge up as liver of that past annoyance. Instead she looked at the idiot crying hard enough his nose was running and his face was getting red and knew he had really missed her, that he had been missing her. It made something in Sakura settle (all those fears and doubts that she was just some no-name genin that no one really cared about if she got lost on a mission).
“Zabuza might be regrouping,” Kakashi-sensei said in the silence that stretched between them, “We need to get to safety.”
“Zabuza left,” Sakura said as if that was obvious considering he wasn’t attacking when he had all the advantage.
Kakashi-sensei slanted a look her way.
“Left?”
“He’s gone,” Sakura said, knowing the truth.
Zabuza and Haku were long gone.
“Gato is still a threat,” Kakashi-sensei said, but he said it like a test, watching her closely.
Sakura found herself smiling, her smile blossoming in the misery. It was a nice smile, one of the first in weeks and it hurt her cheeks and made something mean glow in her chest.
“Gato’s dead,” Sakura told him happily, like she was sharing a secret, “I slit his throat.”
Kakashi-sensei was watching her calmly, face unmoving at this news. He looked like a man trying to force stillness on himself to hide his reaction. Naruto was the one who looked at Sakura with horror, mouth opening. Sasuke stared at her with something close to horror and something closer to fascination; as if he is watching something break.
“Yoshiro’s dead too,” Sakura blurted out not seeing her smile returned, “And Yuu. And all of Gato’s men.”
She looked for approval on their faces but remembered abruptly that, while they knew them as the enemy, they didn’t know their cruelty the way Sakura did.
“I killed ten of them,” Sakura said, voice dimming as she found no approval on their faces, “I promise they’re really dead.”
Sakura was a shinobi. She’d been a little girl for a bit, and then a dog for a while, and finally a good hunting bitch. Sakura had proved she was really a shinobi with every blade lodged in soft skin and with the blood paining her face. But she was still a kid behind it all and she wanted approval for her actions, wanted them to understand that the mission was complete even if it had all went to hell along the way. Sakura looked between them and took a step back, away.
“I promise I did,” Sakura said, lip wobbling, “I made sure they were dead. I hunted Yoshiro down and I made sure Gato wouldn’t be a problem. The bridge is safe.”
Kakashi-sensei reached for her again but the feeling of safety was gone when they stared at her like that. Sakura snarled at him, abrupt and sudden, shoulders hunching up. He froze at that and Sakura froze too- at the reaction he had startled out of her. She took another step back and nearly tripped over the very collar she’d thrown on the ground.
“I…” Sakura faltered, lip trembling and the tears pressing harsher against her eyes.
“Good job,” Kakashi-sensei said abruptly, “Good job Sakura, I’m proud of you.”
Sakura felt something like relief unclog her throat. Kakashi-sensei was proud of her. She’d done good.
“Can…” Sakura wiped at her nose with her arm, uncaring of the blood it smeared, “Can I have something to eat?”
It was a tentative request, a sort of test. What Sakura really wanted was to be home in her bed. Maybe a bath. Sakura wanted none of this to have ever happened. Well, maybe Gato and Yoshiro dead; she could live with that pretty easily. But she knew food was probably something she could get right away, if she was lucky.
“Of course,” Kakashi-sensei smiled at her, “Are you hungry?”
“I haven’t gotten much to eat. Well, Haku gave me some food this morning but I’m always hungry,” Sakura said.
Kakashi-sensei nodded again, the same pleasant smile on his lips.
“Naruto, can you make a bunch of clones and set them up on watch, just like we’ve been doing,” Kakashi-sensei said, “Sasuke, you’re with Tazuna.”
The boys looked between her and sensei and then nodded and obeyed. And wasn’t that a surprise; no arguing, no whining, just simple obedience. Sakura let Kakashi-sensei herd her towards the shore. He didn’t touch her but guided her to the base of the bridge and then down to the water-edge. He made her sit on the nice sand and pulled a protein bar out of a pocket. Sakura tore into it ravenous. She watched half-heartedly as Kakashi-sensei pulled a water bottle out for her next and then a cloth that he dipped in the ocean water before offering to her. Sakura took the damp cloth and slowly wiped it across her face, watching the blood smear.
“You’re sure Zabuza is gone?” Kakashi-sensei asked her.
“Yeah. Gato betrayed him so they cut their losses,” Sakura said, “I’m glad he brought me back first.”
Kakashi-sensei looked pained as he watched her wipe the blood from her face.
“Do you…” he winced, “Do you need any medical attention?”
“No,” Sakura said.
“He said…” Kakashi-sensei tried to breath evenly, “Sakura, there is no shame in injury.”
Sakura stared at him for a long time.
“I’m not ashamed of my injuries,” she finally said, “They mean I survived.”
Kakashi-sensei nodded slowly.
“Zabuza mentioned…” Kakashi-sensei tried again, “Sakura, there is no shame in rape either. But I must know if you need any medical attention.”
“Don’t listen to Zabuza,” Sakura said automatically, “…I stopped listening to him a long time ago. He doesn’t say what he means.”
Kakashi-sensei just gave her a pained look that he tried to hide under the stillness and calm again.
“I wasn’t raped,” Sakura said finally, her tongue heavy around the words.
She looked down at her hands, at the empty wrapper, at the sand; anywhere but at Kakashi-sensei.
“Yoshiro wanted too,” Sakura said, “Tried to catch me a few times. But Zabuza protected me. He even let me kill Yoshiro in the end. I strangled him to death with my chain.”
Kakashi-sensei sat beside Sakura slowly, his movements still wide and careful, like he was going to spook her. Sakura admitted to herself if he moved to quickly she might jump, but not because she was scared of him.
“Zabuza protected you?” Kakashi-sensei asked, and this time his voice was soft.
“Yeah,” Sakura nodded, “He saved me from Yoshiro the first night and tried really hard to keep the other thugs from touching me. He even argued with Gato about it despite the fact Gato threatened to fire him.”
Kakashi-sensei was looking at her closely and he looked like he was really listening so Sakura continued to talk.
“He was rough and really mean,” Sakura admitted, “But he saved me a bunch. Yoshiro wanted to rape me to death and Gato wanted to bury me in a ditch but Zabuza stopped them by saying I was his.”
“…You were wearing a collar, Sakura,” Kakashi-sensei said, voice sad and hurt.
“Gato ordered it,” Sakura said, “He called me Zabuza’s bitch.”
Kakashi-sensei kept slouching further and further as if her words pained him and she wanted to tell him it was all okay now. She also wanted to tell him it was silly that he was letting the past hurt so much; it was all done and no amount of wishing would undo it. Sakura was just glad she’d lived.
“Can…” Sakura paused, “Can I go into the ocean?”
“You want to wash off,” he said.
“I…” Sakura paused.
She knew everything she told Kakashi-sensei seemed to hurt him but Sakura felt the words bubbling out now that she could talk without fear.
“I haven’t had a bath in while,” she said, “And I’m used to the dry blood now, but I’d like to get it off. If that’s okay?”
“That’s more than okay,” Kakashi-sensei said, “I will keep watch but I promise I will turn my back.”
Sakura shrugged and stood. She untied her sleeveless kimono top, the light blue long since stained beyond recognition. Her green pants were just as terrible, and she kicked them too the side. Then she was wading into the chilly water. It was cold but Sakura didn’t care a single whit as she sat down in the water. She was still a little tired, her legs shaky from so much used up energy and fighting. So she sat in the shallows and scrubbed the blood from her skin. Her hair came blessedly clean even without any soap.
Sakura ducked out of the water and tried to shake any excess water off until Kakashi-sensei tossed a towel over his shoulder at her.
“Do you have all your things sealed?” Sakura asked.
“We’ve been camping out hidden in the woods. It was best to keep things close. I tried to find your things after the ambush but…”
“I had my pack when I was caught,” Sakura finished for him, “The thugs tossed it off the boat when we were heading to Gato’s.”
She thought idly about that first day, the terror and the panic, the thug pawing through her things and taunting her by dangling her underwear before her and their filthy promises. She was pretty sure she had killed that asshole with a shuriken to the throat. She toweled off and looked at her bloody clothes. They were still damp with blood and she didn’t really want to pull them on.
“Do…do you think the boys would lend me some clothes?” Sakura asked.
“Yeah,” Kakashi said.
He offered her one of his blue uniform shinobi shirts for now and she pulled it on happily. She wrapped the towel around her waist and followed Kakashi back up the slope. He let her linger in the shadows of the bridge entrance as he went to the boys. He returned with a pair of orange pants that Sakura pulled on without hesitation.
“Can I keep this shirt?” Sakura asked, “I can just roll up the sleeves.”
Sasuke had offered her one of his wide collar shirts but she didn’t really want her neck so on display. Kakashi-sensei nodded and helped her roll the sleeves up. The shirt was rather large on her but that wasn’t bad either. She knew she looked like a fashion disaster but she was just so happy to be here. Kakashi-sensei took his towel back, sealing it as she watched.
“Kakashi-sensei,” she said tentatively.
He looked over at her.
“Can I have that hug now?”
He pulled her into a soft slow embrace and Sakura wrapped her arms around his neck. She buried her face in his shirt and tried to breath around the feeling of elation that bubbled up through her.
She was safe now, she was sure of that.
.--.