Chapter Text
The Sunday morning after the big party was a total mess. This was the last day of freedom before school started again and most of the teens in the isle had a bad hangover after the party on the previous day.
On the Château that was a little different though, John was making breakfast with Kiara, Pope was putting on the table and JJ was well, he was lying lazily on the couch on the porch. Thinking. Wondering. Hoping.
JJ was a dream person and sometimes he found himself lost in those dreams, even when he was awake. Today was no different, all he could think was about being kissed and about the hands that had traveled down his body, he still couldn’t believe that last night had been real.
That he had actually kissed another boy and it had been so good that he was able to give away his limitations so he could really be with him, embracing, touching and feeling him with his own soul.
He was truly happy after a really long time, he felt amazing and light. He saw somehow hope in all of this, hope that if he was with another boy he could finally forget about John B and his unspoken feelings for him.
Forget that he now could only look at John with different eyes. Those full of desire and want. The kind of eyes you would have for a lover, a partner, a boyfriend, not a friend at all. Specially your best friend that only saw you like a brother, that trusted you deeply and would do anything for you. But, not this.
He was also thinking about how good it felt to be with Matthew. How that boy made him feel, how he had made him tremble and shiver under his touch, how it felt to be on his lap. Being held and manhandled was something he had really, really enjoyed.
He was lost in his little self universe of wonders that he flinched when someone touched his ankle and called him “You okay in there?”. This voice. It was John, his John. “Yeah bro" was all JJ could put himself to say, too distracted by the warmth growing beneath John’s hand. “Okay come eat Jay, breakfasts ready" he said squeezing his ankle gently before turning to go back inside. Fuck.
And there it was, all the hope and wonder had just died by John’s hand. His touch was able to break it all, now all JJ had eyes and thoughts for were the feeling of John’s hand and the late sensation that he left on him. His hands warmth around his ankle. FUCK.
He was doomed, how could this boy’s single touch make him feel so weak, so small and desperate. What was wrong with him, why was he like this were the only thoughts he had.
He got up and breathed deeply before entering the house, he shouldn’t think of it, he couldn’t. Not now. So, like always he put on a happy smile and went eat with his friends, setting himself as far as he could from John on the table, between Kiara and Pope.
As always, his lazy smiles, jokes and laughs guided him throughout the time he was surrounded by his friends. Times like this made him feel like belonging and he longed for those. So, he let himself blend in with his Pogues once more.