Chapter Text
RECAP: BATTLE CHEFS, SEASON 11 EPISODE 11: LEVEL FOUR
by Qin Su
All of the trailers for this showed people crying. I don't know what to expect at this point.
Tiny digital Lan Zhan gives tiny digital Lan Jingyi a potion. The tiny digital contestants sail their tiny digital boat into a tiny digital port, and then run into a tiny digital castle.
Dissolve to: big digital Jiang Cheng and Jiang Yanli, framed Tekken style.
Final PvP Battle? Already?
We're in the Battle Chefs kitchen and it's unexpectedly tight after last week's incredible comeback for team Jiang Cheng.
Are they putting the whole contest on this?!
The contestants, curiously, arrive without the Players. Wen Qing welcomes them and introduces this week's theme.
WQ: "Over the past three weeks, all of you have demonstrated that you are very skilled cooks. However, it has to be said that in this kitchen... that does not make you special."
And then she looks at them like this:
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I'm just going to put this out there: if Wen Qing gave me a look this severe I would fall to my knees. What happens after that?
Call me, Wen Qing, let's find out.
WQ: "A great many skilled cooks have passed through this kitchen, but I must remind you all that if your goal is to succeed, skill is simply not enough."
Camera pan across the contestants, looking mildly terrified.
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Whomst among us would not, I ask you.
Cut to Wei Ying, who's sitting on the side-bench.
Wei Ying: "The difference between good food and great food is emotion. Technical precision will only get you so far - what takes you the rest of the way is passion."
Wen Qing, in intimidatingly tight focus: "Today's challenge is both the simplest and the most difficult yet. Everything you've been working for so far rides on this. This is not simply Choose Your Weapons - this is the final battle."
Wei Ying: "There are no limitations on ingredients. Everything in the pantry is available to you, and you can make as many trips as you like."
Wen Qing: "We're also giving you all the time you could possibly need. We don't expect you to use all of it cooking - we just want you to have the option of taking time if you need to, because what we want from each one of you is something that is full of passion. Of sincere emotion."
Wei Ying: "To show you what we mean, we've prepared a meal for all of you."
Fuck. What is this? They've never done anything like this before.
The contestants get escorted through to the Score Room, and seated at the judges' table.
Jiang Cheng and Jiang Yanli are waiting for them there.
Wei Ying: "We've prepared a meal for you. One course from each of us. Our best dishes. The things no-one else can make like we do."
Jiang Yanli has a big pot on a trolley.
JYL: The first course is from me. I know some of you have already tried our family's pork rib and lotus root soup at Yizhu.
WY: That wasn't actually the real thing. I made that one.
JC: Only Jiejie can make the real thing.
JYL: A-Ying, have you decided whether you want to stay for this?
WY: No, I'm definitely leaving. I don't mind you telling the story so long as I'm not here for it.
He leaves the room.
I don't know what's happening here.
JYL: When A-Ying come to live with us, he was... delicate.
JC: He'd had a really hard time since his parents died. Really hard.
JYL: He had a difficult time adjusting to life with our family. It was a struggle for all of us.
JC: It wasn't his fault.
oh fuck are those tears in Jiang Cheng's eyes I can't take this
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JYL: Of course not. I will not go into the details of the challenges we faced as a family at that time -
RECAPPER NOTES: I just paused this to look something up.
Did you know their parents got divorced less than a year after Wei Ying went to live with them?
Because they did.
JYL: - but it will, I hope, be sufficient to say that A-Ying struggled for a time with food, and he was nearly taken away from us again.
JC, like he literally can't stop himself: Which was [beep].
JYL: Indeed. But the thing that I found he would eat - that brought him home to us as our brother - was this soup. He loved it. We all loved it. This dish is, for us, the ultimate comfort food.
JC: I've spent a lot of time trying to get the recipe right. And I've got it to the point where, you know... it's good enough to serve. But I just can't make it like Jiejie can. Neither can he.
Jiang Yanli starts pouring soup into bowls, which Jiang Cheng delivers to the contestants.
JYL: This is my version.
oh fuck oh fuck the way she looks at that fucking soup
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JYL: A-Cheng, will you serve some for yourself and A-Ying? It's for you as well. I can't ever make it right unless I'm making it for you two.
I just.
Have we ever seen Jiang Cheng smile like that before?
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brb crying until I FUCKING DIE
Anyway, here's some gifs of the contestants tasting her fucking soup and then looking like they've just seen the face of God/had an epiphany about the nature of true love/been punched in the chest, depending:
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Quite frankly? Fuck this fucking show. I think we've had most of the people crying shots from the trailers already but that doesn't make me feel better actually.
So after Jiang Yanli and her soup have finished ripping everyone's hearts out, your humble recapper cannot handle doing the others in detail. Watch it yourself and suffer.
In summary: Jiang Cheng has a fish dish and a story about the time he and Wei Ying went canoeing and lost all their supplies overboard and Jiang Cheng got sick, and then Wei Ying caught fish and foraged for things and they cooked over an open fire, and here you are, and how you wouldn't think it given what a disaster human he is generally but Wei Ying always takes care of him when he needs it. Wei Ying always tries to take care of everyone.
(After which Wei Ying actually comes back into the room and asks what he missed and Jiang Cheng says he was telling everyone that Wei Ying is a disaster human.)
Wen Qing has brought savoury tarts. We do not get a story, although maybe the contestants do and it just didn't make the edit, but Lan Jingyi takes his first bite and bursts into tears.
Wei Ying, that fucking asshole, talks about how it's a lot of fun making complicated food that requires specialised equipment or whatever, but simplicity works too and he hands out fucking sandwiches that are nonetheless, apparently, incredible based on the reactions of the contestants:
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Does Lan Zhan have tears in his eyes?
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It might be something to do with Wei Ying's story about how sometimes when things are hard and you're overwhelmed by everything the best thing that might happen to you is that your brother comes to your place and leaves sandwiches in your fridge, and he shows this rumpled fucking post-it note that says EAT THREE MEALS A DAY OR I'LL BREAK YOUR LEGS that apparently Jiang Cheng once stuck on his door and which Wei Ying still keeps in his wallet then they, like.
Look at each other.
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It has not escaped my notice that they said the dishes we can cook like no-one else and then Jiang Cheng and Wei Ying each bring out things that started as things the other one made for them.
Fuck this fucking show and fuck both of them for loving each other so much.
If you're reading this, Jiang Cheng and Wei Ying, I just want you to know that it's always been obvious no matter how much you pretend, you assholes.
Finally, Wen Ning comes in with a really nice cake and says that sometimes you can just make something that will make people happier and he thinks that's really great, and hands out cake, and everyone agrees the cake is delicious and they wipe away their tears and this entire episode can bite me.
Anyway, the challenge for the contestants, which they have forty-eight hours to plan and prepare, is a dish or dishes conveying their strongest feelings. They'll be judged by Wen Qing or Wei Ying - their choice.
Wen Qing: "This is the final battle of the PvP phase. Your last chance to show you have what it takes before the consequences of your choices become yours to live with."
This should be... interesting.
We get a montage in which the contestants get to talk about their passions.
Luo Qingyang: motherhood. We get to see clips of her video-chatting with her painfully adorable daughter, and she tells us that she's making her daughter's favourite dinner.
Lan Jingyi: looks super shy about it, but he's apparently a musician, and he often makes chicken dumplings before he performs so they're ready to cook when he comes home, and they're his favourite, apparently, because of how his Nainai used to make them just like that when he was little.
Lan Sizhui's passion is, in fact, cooking, and he's looking incredibly nervous about it, but he's making one of Wei Ying's recipes, because, he says: "Chef Wei inspires me. I admire him so much. It would mean the world to me to have cooked one of his recipes and for it to win his approval."
He absolutely wants Wei Ying to be his dad.
Nie Mingjue: is barbecuing, with that sauce that was such a hit at the beach, because apparently he hosts barbecues for a youth group he works with and the kids really love it, and he wants to show the kids that hard work and determination can let you chase your dreams - like cooking for great chefs.
Fuck this fucking show. I'm not crying. It's those onions we see him cutting.
Xiao Qing is making something she calls Ugly Cake, and we're getting another heart-rending story: apparently two of her dads were in a terrible accident when she was a child. While they were at the hospital, she was taken care of by her third dad (she has three dads?!), who let her eat all the sweets she wanted, and helped her try to make a cake for one of her injured dads because he was spending his birthday in hospital. She tried to make an upside-down cake, but she didn't follow the recipe because she wanted it to be "more special than that" and it came out looking like a hideous mess.
But when her dad tried it, he loved it, he thought it was delicious, and he still asks for it for his birthday every year.
She thinks she could make it look less awful, now, but her dad doesn't want her to change it - because it wouldn't be the same and he doesn't care how it looks anyway, because the accident left him permanently blind.
Ouyang Zizhen is trying to make a tart that will impress Wen Qing, because he says it means a lot to him not to disappoint people, and he let everyone down with that blue cheese monstrosity.
Lan Zhan is shown standing in the pantry, staring around looking sort of lost.
We don't actually see him say anything.
So... that's a thing.
The cooking montage is semi-relaxed, because it seems like everyone came to the kitchens with plenty of time to work with.
Despite that, all of the contestants start looking pretty stressed as we get close to judging time.
Finally Wen Qing calls time and the contestants prepare to present their dishes.
Xiao Qing explains her cake, which does admittedly look like absolute shit, to the judges, with some added details about how scared she was that she'd lose her parents again and there's the shot of Wei Ying crying.
She nominates Wen Qing to judge.
Wen Qing takes a careful bite of this mess:
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And then she says: "Wow."
And she smiles.
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WQ: "The flavours here are incredible. Innovative and complex and perfectly balanced. I can see why your father likes it so much - I want this for my birthday."
Xiao Qing looks thunderstruck and promises to make it for her.
Lan Sizhui is up next, looking like his serenity is a thin shell over near panic as he sets his dish in front of Wei Ying, who has mostly composed himself now.
LSZ: "I wanted to make something that shows my love of cooking itself."
WY: "Is this one of my recipes?"
LSZ: "Yes. I would be honoured if you would judge it, chef."
WY: "Interesting choice."
He tries the dish.
He has quite a few bites, tasting every part of the dish, with no visible change in expression, then looks at Sizhui for, I checked, approximately one million years.
WY: "So. We asked you to make a dish that shows your passion, and you thought that the best response to that challenge was to bring me my own recipe. Do you think that you can cook my food better than I can?"
There's that panic.
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LSZ: "No, chef!"
WY: "I'm very disappointed in you."
Agonising beat.
WY: "You should have more confidence in yourself. This is much better than the way I cook this. I'm impressed. And I'm very, very proud of you for the courage you showed in presenting it."
That asshole.
Lan Sizhui looks like he nearly faints, but in, like... a happy way.
Up next is Luo Qingyang, who asks Wei Ying to judge her daughter's favourite dinner.
JC: "Perfect. He's a child too."
WY: "You're just jealous."
He eats a few bites of the dish and asks if Luo Qingyang can be his mother too, so I guess that's a win.
We get our shot of Ouyang Zizhen crying when Wen Qing tells him that this tart is one she'd be willing to put on the menu at Yizhu.
Lan Jingyi's dumplings get Wei Ying's approval, but he doesn't cry or anything so I don't think Lan Jingyi is in contention for top place here.
Wen Qing makes eating barbecued ribs look incredibly sophisticated and sexy:
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She tells Nie Mingjue that if he ever opens a barbecue restaurant, she wants to be there. He has, apparently, raised barbecue to high art.
His explanation about his youth group, by the way, is apparently what got us the shot of Jiang Cheng crying, so that's something.
Last contestant up is Lan Zhan.
He brings up a bowl of... something. I can't even tell what it is, except violently red.
LZ: "Wei Ying."
That's literally all he says.
No explanation.
No story.
Just Wei Ying.
This motherfucker.
After everyone gives him a moment to see if he has something to add, Wei Ying shrugs, gets a spoon, and eats a mouthful of whatever it is.
Chews.
Swallows.
Stares at the bowl for another million years.
Finally looks up.
WY: "Lan Zhan, are you serious about this?"
LZ: nods.
WY: "Oh."
Long silence.
WY: "Me too, actually."
HOLY FUCKING SHIT
HOLY MOTHERFUCKING SHIT
AND THEN HE VAULTS THE FUCKING JUDGING TABLE AND KISSES LAN ZHAN FULL ON THE MOUTH
LIKE
I'M PRETTY SURE THERE IS TONGUE
LET'S CHECK THE SLOW MOTION REPLAY
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YUP THAT'S TONGUE
I will cut a bitch for the way the camera cuts away to fucking reaction shots
Jiang Cheng: rolls his eyes
Jiang Yanli: looks fucking delighted
Wen Qing: looks smug
Wen Ning: looks THRILLED
WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK I CAN NOT BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING
We cut back to Wen Qing, who leans over to the violently red bowl, waves the air over it towards herself and doesn't so much sniff as warily and gently slightly inhale, and then recoils.
Apparently she wasn't crying in the trailer, her eyes were just watering.
"A-Ning, would you mind fetching Lan Zhan some milk? I think he'll need it," she says, and we cut to fucking commercial.
---
"Fuck it," Jiang Cheng says, pointedly not looking at where Wei Ying and Lan Zhan are whispering to each other between kisses. "I concede."
"This is supposed to just be Choose Your Weapons," Wen Qing points out.
"Sure, but with all due respect to everyone's hard work," Jiang Cheng nods to the other contestants, "there's no way to argue that anyone presented more passion in their dish than... that." He gestures irritably towards Wei Ying and Lan Zhan, still not looking. "I'm not heartless. It wouldn't be right if this didn't carry her team to the win, fucking damn it."
"True," Wen Qing allows. "And it complicates the competition structure to a problematic degree if Wei Ying is now dating a contestant." She looks at the other contestants. "I will say you all did incredibly and I hope you're very proud of what you achieved, and will carry that through to the individual contest."
"Yes, chef," the contestants chorus raggedly.
"I think A-Ying cannot judge anything in which Lan Zhan is a participant," Jiang Yanli says regretfully. "It would look... unfortunate."
Luo Qingyang looks thoughtful. "Does Lan Zhan even want to compete in the individual contest? If -" She stops, and blushes. "Sorry, I was thinking aloud. It's not my place to say."
"No, tell us," Wen Qing says. "Were you thinking we should adjust the format in some way?"
Luo Qingyang clears her throat. "What if Lan Zhan just reappeared to take part in Unavoidable Character Death rounds?"
Wen Qing and the Jiangs share glances.
"That could work," Jiang Cheng says slowly. "We've got a lot of extra episode allowance to play with, so we can go a lot slower on eliminations."
Wen Qing nods. "Party leaders still nominate whoever the contestants agree underperformed in the team challenge, but it's a four-way contest. If Lan Zhan beats Meng Yao..."
"No-one is eliminated," Jiang Yanli finishes. "Assuming Lan Zhan wishes to withdraw from the general competition. Lan Zhan?"
Once they manage to get his and Wei Ying's attention, they recap the idea, and he nods.
"Acceptable," he says firmly.
"Lan Zhan? Don't you want to win?" Nie Mingjue asks, seeming confused by the whole idea.
Lan Zhan shakes his head. "I only entered to embarrass Meng Yao," he explains. "He stole his recipes from my brother."
"Honestly," Lan Jingyi says. "That makes so much sense."
"All right," Jiang Cheng says. "This is now the PvP final battle. We'll fix it in the edit."
"I'll do the reshoots," Wen Qing says, glancing at Wei Ying. "I don't think you can pretend to look normal."
---
We return from commercial and I think we just skipped really a lot of time. Lan Zhan is now leaning against one of the cooking benches with his arms around Wei Ying, who's leaning against him, and it's so cute I want to die.
Wen Ning is shown bringing in the PvP trophy. (This season is so rich in Wen Ning sightings it's incredible.)
Wen Qing presents the trophy to Jiang Yanli, who smiles, and fuck it. Jiang Yanli, if Wen Qing doesn't get around to calling me I'm quite happy for you to do it instead. (I'd be faithful, Wen Qing, just - a girl can't wait forever.)
Jiang Cheng says, "I blame Wei Ying for this," but he's smiling anyway because I swear he seems to be happier when his sister wins even though he busts his ass to beat her, that gorgeous, manly weirdo.
"Get some rest," Wen Qing tells the contestants. "The PvE competition starts tomorrow for all of you."
"Except Lan Zhan," Wei Ying says.
Wen Qing: "Of course. But don't keep him up too late either, Wei Ying. He still has his part to play in this contest."
What are they talking about?!
I swear this show hates it when the viewers start to understand this goddamn ridiculous format.
The episode closes on a shot of Wei Ying and Lan Zhan looking at each other.
Just looking. Somehow this is still something all of you need for research purposes, I'm sure:
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---
Qin Su tries to breathe evenly and look calm as she pushes open the door of Yizhu.
The restaurant isn't open this early. Most of the tables have chairs still stacked on them from cleaning.
Wen Ning looks up from the bar and smiles, hurrying to the kitchen doors. "She's here," Qin Su hears him say.
And then Wen Qing emerges from the kitchens.
Qin Su doesn't faint. She considers that a personal accomplishment.
"Thank you for coming," Wen Qing says, and Qin Su finds her voice.
"Thank you for inviting me," she manages to say, and accepts Wen Qing's invitation to join her at one of the tables that's actually set up for service.
"How do you like it?" Wen Qing asks, and Qin Su freezes. "Your coffee," Wen Qing elaborates, and Qin Su can breathe again.
Right. Wen Qing invited her to come to Yizhu for coffee.
"Ah. Latte?" She knows she sounds like she's asking for approval, but Wen Qing simply nods.
"We've all been enjoying your recaps very much," Wen Qing says, and Qin Su can feel her cheeks warming and her soul prepare to exit her body. It had probably been vain to hope that perhaps Wen Qing had just heard from Meng Yao that something something maybe if I can tell you Wen Qing called you because of me you'll let 2014 go - he hasn't said anything, but he wouldn't until afterwards, a girl can hope - and Wen Qing hadn't even heard of the recaps.
"By we've all..." She tries not to cringe.
Wen Qing smiles. It's even more devastating in person, Qin Su thinks. "I mean me, and A-Ning, and Wei Ying, and the Jiangs," she says, horrifyingly. "I believe Lan Zhan was already a fan, although he expressly requested that I not tell you his username on your forums."
Qin Su thinks. "I think I can guess," she says, suddenly feeling tired. "Would I be right in thinking he was one of the driving forces of the Wei Ying vs Jiang Cheng Hotness War?"
Wen Qing laughs. Just a tiny bit, but Qin Su is mesmerised anyway. "It's funnier than you know," she says. "The person leading the charge for Jiang Cheng's partisans turns out to have been his brother. Neither of them was aware of this at the time."
Qin Su buries her face in her hands.
"Unbelievable," she mutters.
"But charming, in its way," Wen Qing says, like someone who didn't have to moderate it. "On the subject of your recaps, we do have one request."
"Only one?" Qin Su is surprised. "Is it - you know what, I'm not going to suggest topics." Stop thirsting so obviously. Stop hitting on me. Stop with the research material.
"Mm. Just one." Wen Qing pauses as her brother comes to the table, setting out coffees - and plates.
Qin Su's plate contains two delicately perfect chocolate ginger salted caramel tarts.
"Oh, yes," she hears herself say.
"No stabbing yourself in the heart required," Wen Qing says, sounding amused.
"If this is a bribe, it's very likely to work," Qin Su tells her, and is pleased when Wen Qing laughs again.
"It's a small thing, I hope, in any case," she says. "Please don't mention Wei Ying's body fat percentage ever again. Or anything like that, really." She takes a sip of her coffee. "I realise that he very obviously has a ludicrous metabolism, because - well, you know what he does for a living and you've seen how he eats. We would simply ask that you don't mention it again."
Qin Su nods. That's easy enough and extremely reasonable. "I promise."
"Thank you." Wen Qing smiles. "Were the tarts a poor choice? Would you like something else?"
"Oh, no. I'm very grateful." Qin Su takes a hasty bite, and has to give herself a Moment to appreciate it.
"You seemed surprised," Wen Qing says, taking an elegant bite of her own tart.
She's not wearing the vivid lipstick today. Qin Su still can't look away. "There's so many things you might object to in my recaps," she admits. "Up to and including how often I sort of hit on you. Or all the research material jokes."
Wen Qing smiles secretively. She smiles so much more in person, Qin Su's crush is never going away. "Can I tell you something in confidence?" she asks.
"Absolutely," Qin Su says. Whatever this is, she will take it to her grave.
"I found all the research material quite understandable," Wen Qing says. "Not enough Jiang Yanli, perhaps. As for the... approaches, I thought they were flattering." She takes another sip of her coffee. "This might have happened sooner, in fact, but my girlfriend and I had to discuss it. We decided that we were intrigued enough to meet with you and see how things went from there. Your writing is engaging. There are worse reasons to try inviting someone to join you for coffee."
There's a lot to process there, Qin Su thinks. "Your girlfriend?" she starts, because that's definitely something she noticed.
Wen Qing nods. "Would you be all right with her joining us?" she asks, and Qin Su nods without thinking.
Wen Qing goes to the kitchen door and returns with another woman. It takes Qin Su a moment to process that it's Jiang Yanli.
"I'm so pleased to meet you," Jiang Yanli says, smiling, and Qin Su is dizzy again.
"I -" Qin Su stops and takes a fortifying bite of her tart. "Can I - I just want to ask - what's - you could have just emailed me about Wei Ying. What is happening?"
Jiang Yanli smiles warmly.
Wen Qing is the one who answers. "We wanted to meet you. We plan to feed you desserts and talk unprofessional amounts of shit about Meng Yao. After that? Maybe we never see you again. Maybe we do this again."
"And perhaps in the future we ask you on a real date, not just a coffee date," Jiang Yanli says, as Wen Ning sets dishes in front of her too. "All things are possible."
There's a booming sound from the kitchens.
Lan Zhan sticks his head out of the door. "That was not supposed to happen," he says gravely. He's wearing safety goggles. "However, there were no injuries. Wen Qing, I appreciate your insistence on Wei Ying's PPE."
Wen Qing pinches the bridge of her nose. "Most things are possible. Wei Ying going a full week without blowing himself up does not appear to be one of them."
Qin Su can hear the very distinctive sound of Jiang Cheng shouting.
"Neither of you even jumped," Qin Su says, because they didn't. She very much did.
"You get used to it," Jiang Yanli tells her serenely. "Is that something you are willing to risk?"
Qin Su smiles. "Definitely."