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Jimin thinks if he digs hard enough, he would find somewhere, somewhere , in his brain the old Jeongguk. The skinny, scrawny, pimple-faced, and shy Jeongguk that Jimin doted (dotes) on back then. The one who could barely talk to the waitress when they had their youth church class outing, so Jimin had to be the one to ask him softly about his order and petting his head, then when Jeongguk mumbled his order to Jimin, Jimin would tell the waitress after cooing at Jeongguk for being such a shy baby. The one who hung around the other youth church members instead of actually talking and socialising with them, and eventually Jimin would disassociate himself with other youth members and join Jeongguk, because he was (is) weak for the doe-eyed boy and honestly, he liked (likes) coaxing Jeongguk to talk more than hearing the youth members talk about some dirty ass shit they just learned at school while acting like they’re pure in front of their parents. Memories like that, that involves Jimin taking care of Jeongguk and Jeongguk letting Jimin take care of him, are buried deep inside his brain, but he wonders. When the hell did Jeongguk change so much?
“Hey,” Jeongguk says, and actually--that was a whisper. Soft and hot against his ear that Jimin has to resist the urge to shiver at the gust of soft wind of breath to Jimin’s ear.
“Yeah?” Jimin asks, and he turns back to look at Jeongguk, and he’s close, with his inquisitive and imploring eyes.
“What are you doing after church?” Jimin doesn’t remember the last the time Jeongguk had asked him that.
“Dunno. Probably gonna go back to the dorms and finish up my assignment or go eat with Taehyung.”
It has been two years since Jimin entered college, and now he’s in his second year, which means it has also been three years since he was a part of youth. He’s not part of the youth anymore since the church deems that youth is only until you’re 17 years old. Jimin still religiously goes to church on Sunday (to appreciate his religion, of course. No other motives. ) when he has time and he doesn’t think he’s gonna stop anytime soon. It also means that Jeongguk is in his senior year right now and he’s already had his birthday, so he’s out of the youth of already. Which also means that he doesn’t have to join the youth class after their church service.
“Can I come with you to eat?” Jeongguk asks.
“Sure, you baby,” Jimin giggles, and he ruffles Jeongguk’s head. A habit that he thinks won’t ever stop even though Jeongguk is already a little too taller than him, and it serves as a reminder of just how much he has changed because Jeongguk used to be a little shorter than him. Jeongguk actually laughs this time, eyes happy and bright, and actually--Jimin doesn’t quite remember when was the last time Jeongguk had whined when Jimin pats his head. “Your parents won’t mind, Gukkie? Aren’t your entrance exams soon? I’m surprise they even let you go to church with how close it is.”
“Of course they would let me, hyung. Have you seen my grades? They’re not too worried.” Jimin has seen Jeongguk’s grades. He’s in a Science high school and it’s the kind of grades that just needs to be shown off and also just because Jeongguk likes to show it off to him and Jimin thinks there’s this tiny bit part of Jeongguk that likes it when Jimin praise him for his grades.
“Okay, you show off.”
So they go. And Jimin ignores the way Jeongguk opens the door of his i40 for him that he got as a gift from his parents when he managed to go to a good university.
-
“Is it just me,” Jimin starts when he and Taehyung are gathered in the small living room of their dorm to do their assignment and watch anime together on Jimin’s laptop because Jimin is not using it to do his reading and work he has to do. “Or Jeongguk has grown really really big?”
“Didn’t he have that growth spurt when we were like in mid-first year? When he was over all the time? I remember him being, like, super scrawny when he first showed up,” Taehyung asks, twirling a pen in his hand as he hunched down on the table, scrawling the working of his Physics work with his chicken scratch handwriting. “Or you meant like, big. As in big package. Damn. I didn’t know you guys are that far off.”
Taehyung was the first friend he made when he entered college when they were assigned together for dorms, and immediately when Jimin met him, the nervousness in the bottom of his tummy was gone because they hit on together so well. Taehyung knows Jeongguk because Jeongguk stubbornly insists on coming over to his dorm almost in all of his free time to the point that the security guy who needs to keep in track of non-student in this university coming in the dorms barely does it anymore because Jeongguk comes over so often. Jeongguk still does it now but he was almost unstoppable when they were in first year to the point that his parents had to intervene in fear of it disturbing his impeccable grades. Jimin perhaps it did Jeongguk some numbers, to not have Jimin by his side during his second year of high school, but it made him grow into this confident guy Jeongguk is right now that he thinks it’s alright. And of course, with Jeongguk coming over, he has to talk to Taehyung since Jimin and Taehyung share a dorm, so yeah, Taehyung and Jeongguk know each other and bond over their nerdy science and anime.
“The first big. God, Taehyung.”
“Okay. But, why so suddenly?” Taehyung snorts. “You finally realise how hot he is now?”
“Jeongguk? Hot? What?” Jimin splutters. “That’s two words that don’t belong together in the same sentence. Like college students and not tired. Like, Soonshim and small. Have you seen your dog? She’s big, dude.”
“My dog isn’t big, ” cue dramatic gasp, “ she’s just not small. And Jeongguk is hot, Jimin. A blind man can see it,” Taehyung snorts again, and Jimin whimpers.
“I may or may not have just noticed it when I went to church that day.”
Taehyung blinks at him. “Wow. And people call me the slow one between both of us.”
“It’s not my fault!”
“Sure, it isn’t. Your eyes, then. Which is also part of your body. And your body belongs to you. Oops.”
“Don’t get sassy on me. And he’s barely legal,” Jimin warns, and Taehyung just looks at him with a smug smile.
“Keyword, Jiminnie. Legal. Legal.”
“You’re so fucking weird!” Jimin yells, and the person next door bangs on their wall to warn them to be quiet.
“At least I find him hot, and I actually admit it.”
Blunt.
-
It doesn’t get weird after that. Jimin refuses to make it seem awkward and weird. But Jeongguk just continues to do these things. The things that Jimin would’ve conceived as something platonic and nothing more if not for these discoverations. Like, really, since when was Jeongguk so buff? The type of buff that puts Jimin’s (toned, very toned) body to shame. He’s big, and his shoulders are wide, and his biceps are strong and it crosses Jimin’s mind that he wants to hold them in his hands. He wants cradle them and see just how big it will get when his hinge joints are bent. The biceps will surely contract, and it will even show when they’re in their service, and when Jeongguk wears his long, white dress shirt. And his hands. They’re big. And they’re veiny. Jimin doesn’t have very big hands and it crosses his mind that when he gets cold, he can take Jeongguk’s hands and they would cover his hands effortlessly and it would make him less col--ah. Fuck. This is dangerous.
“Have you been working out?” Jimin asks when Jeongguk comes over one day with his books and past papers, ready to study with the presence of Jimin and Jimin doesn’t have the heart to tell him that he could study at his home just fine. Just without Jimin.
“Huh? Yeah. I asked for a gym membership when I got number one throughout the whole school last year,” Jeongguk replies, and Jimin looks distractedly at the way he bites into the cap of his pen. He says that it helps him to think but Jimin just thinks it’s disgusting (and distracting, apparently). Jimin tried to buy him pens that don’t have caps once (it was even pastel-coloured!) but Jeongguk used one before he goes back to his old pens that have caps. Old habits die hard, Jimin supposes.
“Oh,” Jimin says, and he pretends to type something up on his laptop that is perched on his lap. “That explains it.”
“What?” Jeongguk asks, and Jimin just knows that Jeongguk knows exactly what he’s referring to, but he indulges him.
“Your body is nice.”
“You notice it now, hyung? I didn’t think you were even going to say anything,” Jeongguk replies, and he sounds borderline giddy, that Jimin looks up from his laptop to look at his expression. It’s one of happiness and smugness. The one that shows his whole row of teeth, and accentuates the mole below his bottom lip. Jimin was going to say to him, to tease him, and saying that he’s a big boy now. But his words barely leave his throat before Jeongguk says something again. “I’m glad. I worked hard for them.”
For you to notice them was the unsaid words, and Jimin thinks it’s the unsaid words because Jeongguk looks like he was going to say something, but hesitates. Or maybe it’s just for you. Jimin doesn’t know how to reply to that. Did Jeongguk work out for Jimin to notice him? Jimin wants to tell him he doesn’t need to. That he would notice Jeongguk all the same but maybe, maybe. Jeongguk wants him to not see him as a little brother. Or maybe Jimin is just fucking overthinking and he needs to stop. So he nods.
“It’s looking good.”
“Yeah. They’re looking good for you.”
Jimin stares at him. But Jeongguk goes back to his exercise, and Jimin can still see the hint of dimple on the side of his face even when he looks down, so Jimin knows that he still has that smug smile plastered on his face. Jimin is helpless. Helpless.
-
Jimin remembers the last time he had an outing with the youth. It was nice, at the COEX mall and Jimin remembers strolling around with Jeongguk by his side, small and little in his memories that it just serves as a reminder of how much Jeongguk has changed. How much he has grown from the unconfident, pimple-faced baby he was to the annoyingly toned body, chiselled jawline, and confidence of the fucking Namsan. This time though, he’s at COEX because he has to babysit. Which isn’t all too bad because Jimin likes the kids at the new youth even though he only knows Jungwoo, Yukhei, and Mark. He likes them because he can baby them and they like him and latch to him so it’s alright. But they just serve as a reminder that his Jeongguk is a growing boy that he can’t baby him anymore. Jeongguk had been too busy with school to join babysitting so Jimin, Sowon, and Jisoo that still go to church and were in youth tag along.
“I can’t believe we’re the ones babysitting this time. Remember when we were the one who got babysat?” Jisoo laughs, and she puts the strand of her hair behind hair. elegantly. She doesn’t even look like she’s in third year of college. Though, Jimin doesn’t know how someone in the third year stereotypically looks like. On the verge of having a breakdown, maybe.
“Right?” Sowon agrees, and she drapes her arms over both Jimin and Jisoo’s shoulders, making Jimin tumble a little into her hold, and Jisoo giggling. They look stupid; one boy and two girls hugging each other. And they’re probably the one who needs babysitting instead of the kids in front of them who are talking civilly between themselves about something that probably happened at school.
“Hyung, hyung,” Mark bounds to them, bouncing on his feet, and Jimin smiles at him while resting his head on Sowon’s shoulder.
“Yeah, Mark?”
“Do you think we can fit in a movie? We can, right? Right?” He’s still bouncing on his feet that Jungwoo next to him puts his hand on Mark’s shoulder to stop his bouncing.
“Not sure, bud. Might not since it’s already 7 and you guys have to be back by 9,” Jimin replies apologetically, and Mark pouts along with the other kids. But they quickly move on to the sports shoes shop they see and Jimin can foresee that the kids are going to take a while so he tells the youth girls to go ahead and go where they like and the babysitters would wait at this waiting spot in the mall. Sowon finally lets go of her arms around Jimin and the three of them get into a talk about their friends, and Jimin is just about to get into one of his rendezvous with Taehyung when his phone rings. Jimin takes his phone out and his eyebrows raise to his hairline when Jeongguk’s name shows up.
“Hey, what’s up?”
“Hey, hyung. You guys still at COEX?”
“Yeah, the kids are shopping,” Jimin replies, and mouths Jeongguk’s name when the girls ask who’s calling.
“Where are you? I’m coming,” Jeongguk replies, and he sounds cold by how he’s sniffing.
“You sure? Didn’t you just come back from night class?”
“Yeah, but I wanna see you. It’s not like I have cram school today,” Jeongguk replies easily, like seeing Jimin is more important than rest or more studying.
“At the bench near the sports shop,” Jimin replies, and Jeongguk replies with a ‘see you there’ and he stopped the call.
“What did Jeongguk want?” Jisoo asks, and Jimin shrugs, his cheeks colouring a little at Jeongguk’s words. I wanna see you.
“Wanted to join the babysitters troop.”
They talk, talk, and talk about everything that comes in mind while also keeping a lookout on the kids that they can see. Jimin is laughing at something Sowon said about her family when a hand snakes around his waist, and Jimin freezes, shocked, and Jimin immediately knows it’s Jeongguk because he just does. As weird as that is.
“Hey, you,” Jeongguk whispers in his ears, and Jimin whispers his own greeting that Jeongguk replies with a squeeze of his waist, then he proceeds to greet the girls, being the polite boy he is, and the girl pat and coo at him. Jimin takes this time to study Jeongguk a little from the corner of his eyes. He’s still in his uniform, with the blazer and everything, and Jimin can see that he brought his backpack too. This just reminds Jimin of just how young Jeongguk is. He looks young and it’s stupid how he’s already taller than Jimin. Jeongguk rests his chin on Jimin’s shoulder as he listens to Sowon and Jisoo telling them something, and Jimin isn’t even listening, he’s too distracted by the hand on his waist, and the feel of Jeongguk’s chin. This means that Jimin is leaning his back on Jeongguk’s chest--almost. And this feels oddly, dangerously, non-platonic that Jimin wants it to stop.
(He’s lying. Of course he doesn’t want it to stop.)
“Are you guys gonna get dinner?” Jeongguk asks, and his voice is clear in Jimin’s ear, and Jimin fights the urge to look back at him.
“Yeah. The kids’ parents wanted them to get dinner before they get home,” Jisoo replies, and she looks at her wristwatch. “Let’s get them, Sowon.”
And they go, so now it’s only Jeongguk and him. So Jimin moves away, sitting comfortably, and leaning back on the chair, and Jimin expects Jeongguk to do the same. And he does. But he moves his head to Jimin’s chest, and Jimin’s hand instinctively dives down to pet Jeongguk’s head, and it makes him let out a sigh of content.
“How was school?” Jimin asks softly.
“Good. Just work, practical, revision. The teachers keep reminding us how close the entrance exam is like we don’t know it is. Kinda full of jitters,” Jeongguk replies, and he sounds at the verge of falling asleep as Jimin continues to run his fingers through Jeongguk’s hair that Jimin thinks of stopping. And he does just that for barely 0.1 second when Jeongguk let out a whine. “Don’t stop.”
“You’ll do well,” Jimin says softly, and Jeongguk just hums. “You haven’t told me wher you applied to.”
“Soon. When I get accepted, I’ll tell you where I applied. Okay, hyung?” His voice is gentle. Like he’s afraid that he’ll hurt Jimin by his words, but Jimin’s heart just gets warmer at each sentences. He likes Jeongguk like this; soft, pliant, and listens well. But Jimin thinks again, and he thinks it has been long since Jeongguk ever really made fun of him or doesn’t listen to Jimin.
“Okay.”
-
It’s supposed to be an innocent question. An innocent one, but it makes Jimin really think, so it’s not an innocent question. Or maybe Jimin is just a huge overthinker at this point in life. But it’s Namjoon, and with or without weed, he’s still the philosophical guy who makes him question everything.
“What are you priorities in life, Jimin?” Namjoon asks. They’re in the library, and Jimin is actually studying and doing his work in concentration, and that question takes him by surprise so he replies with an intelligent huh.
“Priorities in life.”
“I guess at this point getting a job? Getting distinction in all of my exams?” Jimin snorts, and Namjoon laughs too, agreeing so there’s that.
But then, he asks Jeongguk when they were skyping on their phone because they didn’t have the time to come over so this is the best possible way.
“What are your priorities in life, Gukkie?” He asks, merely because he’s bored, and while looking at Jeongguk doing his revision while talking about his day is therapeutic, Jimin wants to be annoyingly fake deep.
“Priorities?” Jeongguk chews on his pen cap. “Getting into my dream uni. My parents. You. My dog. You.”
“Me?” Jimin squeaks, and he jolts up from his bed, and Jeongguk looks at him, unbothered, and face screaming honesty and truth and Jimin feels a tiny bit sad and mad at himself for not even thinking of the people in his life when answering the question.
“Yeah. I said it twice. Why is that a surprise?”
“It just is,” Jimin chooses to say. “How can you be so mature already, huh?”
Jeongguk shrugs. “You’re pretty darn important. I make it my priority to talk to you everyday.”
The Skype call is just another one of his attempts at talking to Jimin everyday and the quick flashback of him going to COEX just to see him is another one of the evidence. Jimin thinks he agrees too, and he guesses that Jeongguk is a priority in his life. Jimin makes it a priority to text Jeongguk everyday to ask him how school went, and they would sometimes spend hours talking over phone or texting when they don’t see each other that day. That’s--that’s a priority. Jeongguk is a priority.
Fuck.
-
Jimin remembers perfectly well that his first crush was on a girl. That crush lasted for about the whole time he was in elementary school, on and off, and he soon forgets about the girl when he moves to middle school. Jimin’s second crush was on a girl. The girl was pretty. And Jimin likes anything pretty, but so does the whole guy population of his class so that girl crush barely lasted and he only stayed friends with her the whole time he was in middle school. Jimin’s third crush was on a boy. This is when things got different. It’s not supposed to because a boy is still a person, and a girl is a person so he like people. Okay, he likes people.
Jimin thinks he falls for people easily. The person, girl or boy, or even genderless, can just smile at Jimin when Jimin opens the door for them while at a store, and Jimin would remember the person for days. But before, before his third crush, it was all girls, which is how it got different. It shouldn’t be. But he feels different and he even wonders if he had some kind of body error when he transferred from middle school to high school, and okay. It’s not his fault and Jimin thinks it would be better if his youth class had taught him that it’s okay to be whatever you feel you are instead of getting grossed out at himself for liking a boy.
Jimin thinks he really could have gotten over that boy. But that boy somehow knows his friend and his friend introduced them together platonically, and Jimin is left to moon over him secretly while getting closer to him. Jimin sucked the boy’s dick off on the dirty floor of the boys’ bathroom and Jimin thought that it was the greatest thing he had ever done, and he want to do more, but after Jimin sucked him off, the boy just gave him a pat on the head and a thank you, and maybe that’s Jimin’s fault for wanting love out of a sexual favour.
Jimin first accidentally let out the fact that he likes boys too when he was with someone he thought he trusted in his second year of high school. He doesn’t even remember the name of the person he trusted and Jimin thinks that’s okay because he wants to forget to the whole thing even happened. The person claimed to not be homophobic, advertising around that she likes reading gay stories, and somehow that was enough for Jimin to spill his heart out. But it only resulted in him feeling a pang on his heart when he said he feels weird for liking boys too and she replied that he should get a girlfriend to fix it. Fix. She said. But is it really something to be fixed, was what Jimin wanted to say, but he only laughed it off and said maybe. She was wrong. Liking all genders isn’t that easy. Or it’s easy, and she’s making it complicated by making it seem like being hetero is a must.
Jimin feels like giving up his religion sometimes. When he remembers that the people in his church condemns the LGBTQ+ folks and Jimin thinks he might. One day. When he remembers that people still deem homosexuality as a disease and is something that is infectious. He even feels like it when his parents themselves refer to everyone within the LGBTQ+ spectrum as those fucking fags. And perhaps that’s why he did so well in his last year, because he had the sentiment that his parents don’t need a stupid and gay child so he chooses to become the gay and genius son.
Jimin once even prayed to God that if sexuality is really a sin then remove it from him. It didn’t work. So God must be on his side. Maybe.
-
Jeongguk’s college entrance exams were on a Thursday, and Jimin made sure that frees his classes and schedule in the morning and evening just to cheer on Jeongguk he is--his priority after all. Jeongguk is a nervous wreck as Jimin picks him up from his house, and he stays silent the whole time Jimin drives him to school, and Jimin feels like putting his hand on Jeongguk’s thigh but his anxiety is telling him that he should drive Jeongguk safely, so he keeps his eyes on the road.
“Hey, why are you so nervous, bun? You studied really hard for this, didn’t you?” Jimin asks when they safely arrive at the school where it is crowded with press, students, parents, and guardians. Jeongguk’s own parents couldn’t escape work and was eternally grateful that Jimin could drive Jeongguk because they were anxious it would take too long for subway and bus.
“Yeah, I did,” Jeongguk mumbles, and Jimin can see from the corner of his eyes that Jeongguk is looking at him, eyes pretty and full of the world’s mysteries.
“So you’re gonna do well,” Jimin says, and when he finally parks, he turns on his seat to look at Jeongguk properly. “You’re gonna do so well, and you’re gonna make me proud. You’ve worked hard for it, and it shows in your current grades? What makes yout hink you efforts won’t be seen in this paper, too?”
“Thank you, Jiminnie-hyung,” Jeongguk mumbles, and he finally looks significantly calmer now that Jimin can breathe too. “I was wondering.”
“Yeah?”
“I want a good luck kiss.”
“A good luck kiss,” Jimin deadpans.
“A good luck kiss,” Jeongguk replies as an affirmative.
“That’s a lot of thinking, Gukkie.”
“Kiss me?” Jimin’s heart lurches. “Just one peck. To do well.”
Jimin pecks Jeongguk cheeks, and Jeongguk is out of the car, planting a kiss on Jimin’s lips before he leaves. And Jimin’s lips tingle just a little at the touch.
-
Jimin knows he likes Jeongguk. He’s not dumb. And he knows how to differentiate a crush of fucking China and platonic affections to a brother. He knows, and Jeongguk belongs in the first spectrum. The crush as big as China, the I want to take care of you forever and kiss you breathless spectrum. Jimin mulls over it again and again when he waited for Jeongguk to finish his exams. He stays close to Jeongguk’s school, and that makes him sound a little paranoid maybe, but he wants to be there immediately when Jeongguk steps out of the school. He doesn’t even have a lot of class on Thursday, except for the one he cancelled just to send Jeongguk to school, so he spends the whole day just hanging around café and shopping at the shopping mall 15 minutes away from Jeongguk’s school.
He mulls over the possibility of him dating Jeongguk as he scans the clothes, and just the mere thought of it leaves Jimin breathless and annoyed. He thinks about holding Jeongguk’s head, and the shopping trip that is supposed to be therapeutic was spent with his head full of Jeongguk and his anxiety doubling It’s annoying. He doesn’t know what to do for the rest of the day, and he knows he can’t call his friends because they have classes, so he just waits in the parking lot of Jeongguk’s school where parents are waiting anxiously outside the school. Waiting in the car makes him anxious too, so he decides to go out, and join the other parents outside too.
“Oh, you’re Jeongguk’s hyung, aren’t you?” One of the parents ask, and Jimin just nods and bows at them politely. They probably have seen him send Jeongguk to school sometimes.
“We’re close friends. Jeongguk and I go to church together.”
“Oh, he goes to church, too!” The parent says, and she nudges the one next to her. “Such a perfect fit for Yuju!”
“Hey, for my daughter, too!”
Jimin’s chest tightens uncomfortably, but he is still polite so he laughs at them while nodding. The kids soon come bounding to them when they exit the school, and Jimin just waits patiently for Jeongguk because he knows Jeongguk is going to spot him. Will they talk about the kiss? Fuck he knows. But Jeongguk knows Jimin is picking him up so that’s that. Jimin soon sees Jeongguk bounding down the stairs comfortably in his parka, and Jimin thinks he looks adorable as he waddles uncomfortably towards Jimin. Jimin just smiles at Jeongguk, and Jeongguk just smiles back as he nods to the people calling his name.
“Hey, buddy,” Jimin says, and Jeongguk narrows his eyes at him. Jimin knows Jeongguk doesn’t like it when Jimin calls him that, but he just nods because there are other parents.
“Ah, Jeongguk,” the parents next to him say, with their arms around their daughters as they pat Jeongguk’s head. “How did it go?”
“It went,” Jeongguk laughs, and he takes Jimin’s hand in his, and Jimin looks at him in alarm, ready to let go when the parents eyes drop to their intertwined hands, but Jeongguk tightens the hold he has.
“Ah,” the parents say, and Jimin awkwardly looks away.
“I think we’re gonna get going now,” Jimin says, and he bows at them, dragging Jeongguk to his car.
“What was that?” Jimin asks when they get into their car, and when Jeongguk has safely put on his safety belt.
“What?”
“Stop being dumb. You’re in a Science school.”
“It doesn’t take Science to explain that I just wanted to hold your hand.”
“Why?” Jimin asks, ruffling his head in frustration as he turns to look at Jeongguk.
“Because I like you, okay?” Jeongguk huffs impatiently. Jimin knows. But hearing him say it is different.
“Shut up,” Jimin chooses to say.
“Why? You don’t like me? I know you do,” Jeongguk replies, and Jimin colours. He’s not gonna drive. He’s not gonna drive because he knows from experience that angry driving is never good.
“Shut up,” Jimin says weakly.
“Why are you ignoring me so much? You know I like you, and I know you like me,” Jeongguk replies frustratingly, and he looks this close to start throwing whatever he can reach in Jimin’s car. “What are you so afraid of?”
A lot, Jimin thinks. His parents. Jeongguk’s parents. The church. Jeongguk’s sexuality. Does Jeongguk truly like him? Fuck.
“Do you really like me? Or you like me because I’ve taken care of you for so long that you’re starting to think that the brotherly affections you feel are like? What about the church? You know how fucking well they’re gonna react with us dating? And fuck. Your parents. My parents. You have so much ahead of you, and you’re letting it go down the drain because you like me? Are you sure?”
“You make me sound like a kid. I know perfectly well that being with you means people looking down on us. But do you think I care? I’ve thought a lot about this. As long as you have, probably. You’re the fucking idiot for letting yourself think that I’m ruining my future just by dating you. Because you’re a boy? Fuck off, Jimin.”
“Jimin-hyung,” Jimin mumbles quietly, and he leans back on his seat.
“Sorry,” Jeongguk says softly. “I really like you, hyung.”
“I like you too. I like you so much it’s crazy. But I’m scared, Jeongguk. It’s fucking scary.”
“I know. But we’ll go through it together, alright? I know we can,” Jeongguk breathes out, and he sighs. “Emotional confrontation right after sooneung is tiring.
“It is, isn’t it?” Jimin laughs, and he sighs softly after. “What now, Jeongguk?”
“We date, I guess. I really wanna date you.”
“Okay.”
“I really like you.”
Jimin laughs.
“Kissing me before getting together was really uncool, you know?”
“I can explain,” Jeongguk starts, “your lips were just there.”
“Shut the hell up, Jeongguk.”
-
Jimin knows morals. Morals are like opening the door for an old person, leaving your bus seat when you see a pregnant woman with no seat, and do as what your parents say. And he knows that kissing with Jeongguk’s back pressed to the wall of their old youth classroom isn’t exactly morally accepted.
They’re kissing. Their mouths hot against each other, and Jimin is hard. Anyone could catch them when they open the door, and it just makes a rush of adrenaline run through his veins, and Jimin hopes it gets killed by his liver real quick. Jimin’s hands are on Jeongguk’s buttocks, and Jeongguk gasps into his mouth, pretty, and Jimin gets a little hotter by each one of Jeongguk pant. Jimin pulls away.
“This is so messed up,” Jimin breathes out, and he rests his head on Jeongguk’s shoulders. “Our childhood was here.”
“Your childhood, maybe. Mine consisted of just you, and I could barely remember what we learned in youth class,” Jeongguk whispers in Jimin’s ear.
“That’s bad,” Jimin whispers.
“Not really. It’s you after all.”
Swish, swoosh, swoon.
-
The day Jeongguk got his university acceptance letters, the boy immediately went over to Jimin’s dorm for them to open it together. Jimin think that is a nice gesture. Opening the letters together means Jeongguk’s parents missing out, and Jimin is sure that his parents would flip shit if they found out Jeongguk went all the way here.
“I applied into SKY and KAIST actually.”
Jimin is in Yonsei. So there’s a chance.
The first letter is from Seoul National, and it wasn’t a surprise that Jeongguk was accepted there, and so does in Korea University. Jimin is just about to open the Yonsei one when he takes Jimin’s hand in his, and he takes the paper gently, telling him that should be last. KAIST is next, and Jeongguk surprises Jimin by not appearing to be fazed by the look of calmness on his features. He doesn’t get accepted, and Jeongguk moves on, telling him that KAIST wasn’t his goal, and he opens Yonsei next. And that’s when he looks nervous. He gets accepted. And of course he did.
“I’m finally with you,” Jeongguk shrieks, and this time, the neighbour next door doesn’t say anything. Jeongguk tackles him to the ground and Jimin giggles.
“You have always been with me, dummy,” Jimin says, and he runs his fingers through Jeongguk’s hair that has him smiling in content. “I’m glad you’re out of high school already. I feel borderline creepy when I dated you and you were still in your uniform.”
“You’re not. I was legal, remember?” Jeongguk whines, and he plants a quick kiss on Jimin’s neck.
“You were in high school, Gukkie,” Jimin says again, like Jeongguk needs a reminder.
“I love you,” Jeongguk mumbles instead, and he plants a kiss on Jimin’s lips. The innocent kiss somehow turned into a full-blown makeout session with groping and moans that has both of the half-hard, and Jeongguk’s hands on the globes of Jimin’s ass.
“I love you too.”
“I’ve waited so long for you,” Jimin thinks he hears Jeongguk whisper.
He says it. Just to be safe. “Thank you for waiting, then.”