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***
Dr. Leonard McCoy sat in his office just off of a very quiet sickbay alone. He'd been struggling with himself for hours after his shift had ended, trying to summon the courage to confront Spock.
In the end, he'd had to resort to Dutch courage.
McCoy blearily peered at level of the bottle before filling his glass once more. 'They're makin' the bottles smaller. Don't hold as much as they used to...' McCoy savored his last glass as he leaned back in his chair and remembered why he needed courage to begin with.
After his ill-fated shoreleave, McCoy had been considering his troubles over a certain Vulcan. Spock had saved his life from the xenophobics on the planet. Luck, Jim had called it. But it hadn't been simply luck. Spock had 'heard' him being attacked. The bond was as strong as ever. And he and Spock had yet to confront this fact.
'Leonard, old boy, you're being an ass. If it'd been anyone but you, you'd a' given them a swift verbal kick in the ass by now...that's a lot of asses...' McCoy drifted from his self imposed introspection as he contemplated the 'reason' he was presently preoccupied with that particular word. He was horny. No doubt about it. 'Lonely, horny, and in need of some companionship. Maybe Spock-' McCoy stopped the thought right there. 'Whoa, there. We're 'just' going to clear the air. No hanky panky.'
McCoy hauled himself up and weaved to the sickbay doors. 'No hanky panky...just talk. Shoud'n'a had that last shot...'
*.*.*
Spock meditated before his firepot with studied care. McCoy was drinking again. The doctor usually drank with Jim or Scotty. A social drinker for the most part. But sometimes, like tonight, he would drink alone, and his thoughts would turn melancholy. Much as it hurt Spock to allow his bondmate to suffer alone, he knew it was what McCoy wanted.
Spock focused on the firepot once more. McCoy's drunken rambling was a distant irritant. He respected the doctor's privacy by shunting it to a corner of his mind in which he did not 'listen.' All he was aware of was occasional 'loud' feelings of remorse, confusion and...sexual appetite. It was disconcerting, but he refused to open his shields enough to listen. McCoy had made it clear over the years that he was a man that valued his privacy. He had not sought a bond with Spock, it had been forced upon him during his time of mating. Whatever feelings McCoy might have once had for him, Spock had betrayed them. In return, he sought to make the bond as unobtrusive as possible. Shielding himself from occasional stray thoughts and feelings. The doctor was amazingly good at holding his own shields...except when he was drunk.
Or in danger. Their shore leave had been one of these times. Drugged and in pain, McCoy had called out, unthinking, and his mental scream had been heard by Spock.
^T'hy'la!^
Spock blinked and realized he would not be able to reach a level of enlightment that evening. Between his own lack of concentration and McCoy's occasional emotional broadcasting...it was impossible. Stripping off his robes he walked towards the sonic shower when his door chime sounded.
"One moment." Spock spoke loud enough for his visitor to hear as he crossed the room again to dress before answering.
The door sounded again, but before Spock could reply he heard the doctor's slightly drunken slur. "Medical Override, McCoy Gamma Delta One." The door slid open and Spock froze, his hands still reaching for his meditation robe.
McCoy staggered in, his eyes focusing on Spock's nude form automatically. "Spock! Are you al' right?" McCoy put a hand out and tottered forward. Spock snapped out of his momentary startlement and started to pull his robe on.
"I am fine. I would have answered the door in one minute, doctor. As I said." McCoy reached him before he could slip the robe over his head and his hand clutched Spock's forearm, preventing movement.
"You didn't answer."
Spock dropped his arms slightly, his robe covering strategic parts as he struggled to focus on McCoy's words and not the thoughts breaking his shields as his bondmate initiated physical contact. "I did answer, doctor. Perhaps you did not hear in your intoxicated state."
McCoy frowned and jerked his hand off Spock's arm. "I'm NOT drunk! And you DIDN'T answer!" His voice was a loud bellow, wounded pride printed across his face.
Spock allowed an eyebrow to raise, but neglected to respond, he clutched his robe tightly in his hands, forgetting that he was now free to put it on.
"And anyway...I wanna talk to you..." McCoy's face lost some of its anger as he weaved to a chair plopped down on it gracelessly.
"Indeed."
McCoy raised his eyebrows sardonically, "Yes, INDEED. You and I are gonna talk! I've HAD it with you and your Vulcan stoi- stoic- with you and your Vulcan stubbornness. We need to talk about what happen' on the planet." McCoy finished his proclamation triumphantly and crossed his arms over his chest, looking at Spock a little more clearly. His eyes narrowed slightly as it dawned on him that Spock was naked except for a robe tightly clutched in his hands which hovered over his groin.
Spock looked down at his hands and quickly jerked the robe over his head. "I do not believe now is a good time for this discussion, Doctor-"
"Leonard." McCoy's voice was suddenly clear and distinct.
Spock raised an eyebrow as he tugged the robe closed, but failed to answer the interruption, looking at the doctor expectantly.
"You called me Leonard on the planet. Now it's always Doctor." Spock nodded brusquely as he bent to move the firepot to its usual resting place.
"Indeed, it was an unaccustomed familiarity. I apologize if it offended you, doctor. If that is all..." Spock gestured towards the door.
McCoy leaped out of his chair, "No, it didn't 'offend' me! The word 'doctor' offends me just now. Why was it all right to call me Leonard then, but not now? Why was I a suitable mate at the time, but not now? You can't even stand to be in my presence anymore! I can't take it!" McCoy whirled around and started towards the door, he hadn't meant to lose himself like this, the alcohol made the room swim slightly as he tried to escape the situation as well as his emotional outburst.
A hard grip on his shoulders stopped him before he reached the door, however. "Wait. Leonard...please." The voice was soft, but firm. McCoy closed his eyes briefly before turning halfway, he focused his eyes on the wall before him.
"Why? I'm too drunk to have this conversation, I shouldn't have bothered you, lemme go."
Spock sighed shortly, but left his hand on his shoulder. "Doctor-" McCoy tried to turn back to the door, but Spock pulled him back and grabbed both shoulders, spinning him around.
^T'hy'la ^
McCoy's eyes were wide, but there was no anger, only hurt and surprise.
^How can I apologize? I have behaved badly from the beginning. I never meant to hurt you...and when I did I thought you wanted me to stay away...you shielded yourself...avoided me. I thought I must withdraw. ^
McCoy slumped slightly at this and Spock guided him to his couch, sitting next to him, his hands dropped to McCoy's hands and lightly gripped them in his own slim fingered hands. The grip was warm and soft, McCoy stared at their hands entwined as he tried to answer Spock.
^Yes...it hurt and I was confused and...it was I who handled it badly. I did want some space. It isn't your fault. I should have...I should have made sure you were all right. Your time came so sudden. I'm your doctor and I didn't make sure you were physically or mentally sound...I was consumed with my own problems. 'Are' you okay? ^
Spock watched McCoy closely, but the human kept his eyes firmly fixed on their hands. Looking down at what fascinated his bondmate, he moved two fingers gently against McCoy's own. The gesture of affection and love between bondmates...he felt the warm glow that surprised Leonard at the touch even as he felt it within him. It was a reassuring feeling.
^I am fine. M'Benga did not find anything wrong with me as you well know. I believe it is 'you' who are not completely healed from the encounter. When we mated...it was more violent than it should have been for the first time between us... But...when you touched me...I felt many things from you that led me to believe a bond was not completely abhorrent from you. Was I wrong? ^
McCoy flushed at the mention of mating, but was surprised to hear Spock's doubts. ^No, you weren't wrong...I loved...I love you. I wanted to help you and I - I did want to be with you. And afterwards...well I guess I thought you wanted to pretend it didn't happen. ^
Spock's humor flared slightly, warming McCoy. ^Vulcans do not generally 'pretend things did not happen.' I withdrew as you were not accepting of the bond. I had planned to offer you a break in the bond once the Enterprise neared Vulcan. It would be necessary to contact a High Priestess...^
"No!" McCoy gripped Spock's hands tightly. Spock allowed a small smile to flash briefly before resuming his usual stoic face.
"I gather you do not wish to break the bond at this time, then?"
Leonard glowered at that, "Very astute. No, I don't...do you?"
Spock moved his fingers slightly and the doctor loosened his grip, the Vulcan brushed their fingers together again and the warm glow was replaced by a far more intense fire that seemed to streak through Leonard's hands straight to his dick. Spock leaned forward and his lips brushed against McCoy's hair as he whispered, "No, as illogical as it may seem...you are my soul mate...my own......mine." The last word was low and buzzed slightly in the doctor's ear. One of Spock's hands freed itself and caressed the side of McCoy's face as he captured his lips.
Remembering that they required air, McCoy finally pulled back from the kiss. Panting slightly he gazed into Spock's intense eyes, the pupils so enlarged that they were pure black.
It was inevitable that the typical Starfleet luck would catch up with them. Just as Spock was leaning forward for another kiss, the ship rocked and the red alert klaxons sounded.
> >Red Alert. Mr. Spock, please report to the bridge. <<
Uhura's voice was polite as always, but there was an undeniable edge to it. Spock immediately leaped up and began pulling on his uniform. McCoy opened his mouth to speak, but he was interrupted by another of Uhura's messages.
>> Dr. McCoy, please report to the bridge. <<
Now what in blazes did they want with him? Sickbay was where his gut told him he was needed, but if Jim or any of the other crew were hurt. The ship shuddered again and McCoy staggered towards the door. Spock followed him out and McCoy dashed into his quarters for a shot to counteract the alcohol before making for the bridge.
XXX
Five hours later, McCoy sat down with a sigh before his terminal in his quarters. Life on a spaceship is rarely boring, but life on the flagship of the Federation made this statement seem trite. After several hours of confrontation with another hostile species, the bridge crew had finally resolved the matter and McCoy had gone off duty. But now he would need to file a report as usual after an incident like this one.
As he put the final touches on the report and sent it to Kirk's terminal he heard the chime of his door.
"Come in" he called out wearily, rising from his chair to stretch. The door slid open to reveal Spock, one eyebrow raised in mild question. "Come in, Spock." McCoy gestured towards one of the chairs and turned to pour a drink. "Would you care for one?" he waggled an empty glass.
Spock remained standing and shook his head. "No, actually, I was hoping we might continue our discussion. Without the alcohol this time."
McCoy set the glass down with a sardonic chuckle. "All right, you got me there. More habit than anything else."
"A rather unhealthy habit, doctor."
McCoy glowered at the Vulcan and sat back in the chair at his desk. "My drinking habits are none of your business. I usually drink socially...or when I want to relax and fall asleep" he added defensively.
Spock nodded at this and dropped his hands, which had been clasped behind his back. He took a step forward, "I see...but I do believe it 'is' my business now...T'hy'la...just as my business is yours." Stepping up to the chair he reached down and pulled McCoy up out of it and into his arms with a possessive kiss. McCoy resisted only for a moment before returning it with equal measure. As they stumbled in the direction of the bedroom McCoy chuckled. Spock pulled back for an appraising look.
^And, besides, I can think of better ways to relax you... ^
XXX
Epilogue...
Explaining their relationship to the crew of the Enterprise proved nerve-wracking to McCoy, but Spock handled it with natural ease. At the next senior staff meeting McCoy had asked for a moment of their time for an announcement. Fumbling his way through a brief explanation (leaving out details of exactly 'how' the two came to be bonded) McCoy came to a faltering stop, the rest of the bridge crew was staring at them with stunned looks on their faces. As his anxiety grew, McCoy was startled when Spock simply reached out and touched their fingers together in the bonded fashion. Kirk was the first to break the tension with a hearty laugh and congratulations, though McCoy knew he'd be discussing it further over drinks that night.
His reaction sparked the rest of them to stand up and applaud, reaching over and Scotty clapped McCoy good-naturedly on the shoulder. Uhura jumped up and gave them both a quick hug. The merriment over, they were back to business once more. McCoy's biggest concern had been that their friends would have a problem with the relationship or treat them differently. Once that concern was laid to rest he was able to relax once more.
Spock's concern, however, lay with his family, or more specifically, his father.
That evening before his terminal he communicated to his father currently between missions on Vulcan.
<< Spock, I have received your notice of your recent bonding. I am concerned of the nature of your chosen bondmate. It is most illogical. You will return to Vulcan at first opportunity to dissolve the bond. >>
"Father, I have no wish to dissolve the bond, I am content with my decision." Spock carefully studied his father's expression; there was of course no hint of emotion.
<< You do not deny, then, that it is a most illogical choice. How can you hope to defend it? You are the only heir of the house of Sarek. You are expected to provide at least one heir to carry the name and place of our house. >>
Spock resisted the irrational urge to sigh, "I do not need to defend it. It is done. As for the logic...as you well know, choosing bondmates does not always follow the dictates of logic. My mother was not the most logical choice." Sarek's face hardened slightly but he leaned forward slightly and studied his son.
<< You are claiming that your choice supersedes the necessity of logic? >>
Spock leaned forward slightly as well, "I am saying, father, that my heart is flame..." his voice was low and his eyes burned with the emotion he could not otherwise express.
Sarek sat back slowly at this and then nodded once. << I acknowledge your engagement, then. Give my congratulations to your bondmate. Your mother and I will expect a visit from you soon. End Transmission. >>