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Waking up in isolation was the worst thing Fitz could imagine after being together with his team once again. The hours spent in silence was hell to the unquiet mind. His first thought after waking up in the bunker alone was of course, "where's Jemma? Is she okay?" But Fitz scowled immediately after these thoughts. How dare he have the right to act like he was somehow in tune with her like he had once been.
As it turns out, it's incredibly hard to distinguish time when you are suspended in space. He wasn't sure if it was hours or days locked into this small room with the uneasy view. Were they always going to be tormented by separation? Coming face to face with the cosmos Fitz didn't find any more clarity than he expected. It was as if he was standing in front of a deity. Fitz demanded answers for questions he didn’t dare say out loud. But in the pit of his stomach, he understood. The cosmos kept the love of his life at world distance from him because he deserved it. He was a horrible human being and was reduced to being the same as his source of anguish- Grant Ward.
So, Fitz sits rubbing his hands anxiously. There is nothing to do but be alone with thoughts. He turns his back to the brilliant display of color and wonder that is outside the window. He doesn't want to look at space. It makes him think of Jemma and his heart physically hurts inside of his chest. He doesn't deserve her.
All the things Fitz did in the framework chilled him to his bones. He remembered the way Ophelia- no Aida- burnt to a crisp in front of him. He was horrified by it, the vulgarity of her death. Fitz clamps his eyes shut in remembrance. He had no right to feel disgusted by violence, no, not after all the violence he committed. Daisy tried to reassure him that he was not to blame in the framework. He suspected that if she knew what he did to Lincoln Campbell she would sing a different tune.
Frustration and despair crawl over Fitz like a thick blanket. He calls out in desperation "Why did this happen?"
He did not expect the muffled reply to him.
"Is someone there?" A quiet voice calls back. It was coming from the wall to his right. He recognized the voice and immediately perked up.
"Jemma? Jemma, are you okay?"
"Fitz thank god. I'm okay I've just been sitting here for hours. At least I think it's been hours. Are you okay? Have you seen anyone?" She calls back. Fitz grabs his chest in relief. He lets out a breath he didn't realize he was holding.
"No, I haven't seen or heard anyone. I've just been sitting alone as well." He answers.
"Ah well... I'm glad you are safe."
"You too of course."
There is an awkward silence. Rarely has there ever been a quiet moment between them unless it was from concentration or sleepy bliss in the morning or night. Never midday did they have nothing to say to each other. They were notorious chatterboxes. Now Fitz thinks, it's just too much to say. The silence extends flat and heavy like a smog in the air. Finally, he breaks the silence, no longer able to keep his guilt from pouring out.
"I should have stayed back at the base. Daisy was wrong I am responsible I should have just stayed." He fights back tears too angry to hold back his emotions.
"Fitz, please. I am so glad you didn't stay back. This isn't- We won't-." She stopped mid-sentence. Fitz understands. She blames him too. There is a pause and Fitz shakes his head. At least this silence carries honesty.
"Fitz I'm just not sure how I can convince you this isn't your fault," Jemma says. It's faint between the walls and Fitz almost doesn't hear her.
"Your LMD told her she thought it was my fault. I don't blame you if you did Jemma. I deserve all the blame." Fitz said balling his fists. This conversation hurt worse than he had thought it would.
"Fitz, my LMD was programmed to be a distraction. That was in the programming. Much like what you did in the framework. It was all manipulation. Your real self is much different than him. And my real self doesn't believe it's all your fault." Fitz can hear the exhaustion in her voice.
"But I did those things Jemma. Not an LMD. Manipulation or not it was all me. And I don't know how to come back from that." Fitz says and his voice cracks. He's finding it difficult to resist the flow of tears.
"Then let me help you. I want to stand beside you and make you love the man that I love. Because he didn't disappear. He's sitting in the room right beside me." Her tone is soft and warm.
Fitz shakes his head. "I know you are upset about this as well. The entire time on base something was eating at you and I don't want you to pretend to forgive me if you hate the thoughts of looking at me."
Jemma laughs from the other room. "I could never hate looking at you Fitz. Never." She's firm and for a slight second Fitz believes her.
"Then what Jemma? This isn't as easy as you are making it seem. I know you are unhappy too." Fitz says quietly.
There is a long pause. Fitz prepares for the worst- the dramatic reveal that Jemma wants to leave him.
"I'm upset but not at you." She's quieter now than before. Fitz places his ear to the wall but doesn't want to prompt her to be louder. "I think... Maybe we are cursed."
Fitz nearly laughs despite the tears that have full range on his face.
"Finally believe me eh?" He gives a small smile.
"But I don't believe that. I cursed us Jemma."
"No! You didn't okay? You had the greatest of intentions building the framework. Radcliffe himself said that the dark hold poisoned his mind and that this was his creation. It's not your fault." Jemma says exasperatedly.
"Then why are we cursed Jemma?"
"Because my love for you couldn't stop the framework! I couldn't snap you out of it! You fell in love with another woman Fitz! And I wasn't enough to break through the manipulation." Fitz hears her voice breaks. A sob finds its way out of Jemma’s throat. "I wasn't enough Fitz. I know you choose me but maybe our love isn't so legendary after all."
Fitz squeezes his eyes shut. He contemplates for a moment.
"I wish I could hold your hand right now. Or put my hand on your shoulder." He smiles.
"What?" Jemma asks confused.
"I wish I could show you how much I love you. My biochemist girlfriend is upset she couldn't break through a computerized world. Jemma, I would do anything for you. I jumped through a hole in the universe for you and you climbed out of a grave for me. I was a horrible human being and your love is the only thing keeping me with Shield. It's the only thing keeping me sane." He sheepishly admitted. "Whether it's me or the cosmos keeping us apart I don't know. But your love is legendary Jemma. That's why I've been so desperate to be a part of it." He hears the sob again.
"Then don't put it to waste Fitz! Let's grow our love together and help you heal yeah? I don't want what we've had together to disappear because of the framework. If I couldn't break through digital code just, please let me break through to that beautiful brain of yours?" She asks with raw emotion coming from her voice.
Fitz wipes his face, thankful that his tears have stopped momentarily.
"Yeah, I know you can do that."
He hears a sigh of relief from the other end.
"I wish I was holding you now Fitz." She admits.
"I wish you were too Jemma."
There is a pause but just for a moment, Fitz felt the strange sensation of relief.
"Hey, Fitz?" She prompts.
"Yeah?" He takes the bait.
"I'm holding my hands."
He's quizzical at first. But then he puts his hands together and imagines her hand placed in his.
"I'm holding my hands too."