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The Staals are a well known, well respected family, and Jeff has so many sisters. It’s not a surprise when his parents pull him aside one day, a few months after his eighteenth birthday and say, “Jeff, we’ve had an offer from the Staals.”
It’s not a surprise but that doesn't mean it's welcome news and Jeff feels the blood drain from his face. “For me? But Ben is the oldest -”
“Ben is in preliminary negotiations with a family already, you know that,” his mother says gently. “It’s a very nice offer, Jeff. Probably better than any of the girls will get, if I’m truthful.” She smiles at him proudly and he feels sick.
“Well, they can have it!” Jeff says quickly. “Andrea or Jenn -”
“The offer is for a male, Jeff,” says his dad with a glint of sympathy in his eyes. He alone knows Jeff’s feelings on arranged marriage, confessed deep in the night on his sixteenth birthday. His dad had listened and hugged him and quietly told him not to repeat those feelings to anyone else. "You expressed on your sixteenth a preference for -”
“I know,” Jeff interrupts him. He hadn’t lied, he does prefer boys over girls and he’d felt so relieved when he figured that out, knowing it would make it harder for his parents to arrange a marriage. Now here he is not even two years later, the second youngest in the family but the first with an official proposal. His head is spinning. He takes a deep breath, lets it out slowly. He knew this would happen one day. He has to accept it, and deal with it. For his family.
“The Staals?” he eventually asks, clearing his throat. He can't look away from the floor. "They're a good family."
"They're a great family," his mother agrees, seemingly encouraged by his lack of overt rejection. "You're so lucky to have been asked, Jeff."
"Which brother is it?" he asked. There are four, he knows, all startlingly similar looking. Two are close to his age, and he knows one of them had been at his sixteenth birthday. He has a vague memory of blue eyes and a cheerful laugh over the buffet table, easing the nerves he'd been fighting all night.
"Eric, the oldest," his dad replies. "I think his inheritance stipulations are coming into effect on his next birthday."
How romantic, Jeff thinks dully. He studies his hands, feeling detached from the situation suddenly. It’s done, his parents have decided and that’s all there is to it. Well, he could...he could refuse but - the girls would have a much harder time finding matches for themselves, he knows. Turning down a family like the Staals would reflect badly on the rest of the girls, which they can’t really afford. Jeff knows his parents never meant to have six children, that himself and Jilly especially are probably more of a burden than a help, even if his parents have never said that to their faces. They did all they could to provide a warm and happy home for all six kids. He can’t turn down an offer like this. He can’t. It would be throwing everything his parents have done for their family back in their faces.
He looks back up at his mom and dad and nods.
~~~
In the days leading up to meeting Eric, Jeff worries himself sick. Will he be nice? Aloof? Stuck up? Mean? Jeff knows the Staals are “well respected” but all that means is “really, really, rich” so all his parents’ good intentions might not count for anything once the contract is signed and the vows are said. Jilly slips into his room the night before the meeting and curls up with Jeff under the covers.
“Are you excited?” she whispers and Jeff squeezes his eyes shut for a second, before shifting onto his side to watch Jilly’s grinning face beam at him under the blanket.
“I don’t know,” Jeff lies, and Jilly pulls a face at him.
“But you’re gonna marry Eric Staal,” she says. “You’re gonna have a huge wedding and live in a big mansion and be super rich. Why aren’t you excited?”
Jeff doesn’t know how to tell his little sister that he’s dreading meeting Eric tomorrow, worried about being allowed to see his family, that’s he’s scared about what Eric will expect him to do once they’re married, that he’s angry his future is being decided for him. Jilly still believes in true love though, somehow, is omg so excited about being a bridesmaid, and he can’t bring himself to say any of that to her and see her childhood slip out of her eyes.
“I don’t know,” he says after a moment. “It’s just weird to think I won’t be living here with you guys anymore.”
A tiny frown appears between Jilly’s eyebrows, like she hadn’t thought of that before.
“Oh,” she says. “Yeah, that’s… well, you’ll still see us all the time, right? Right?” She stares at Jeff and he has to pull her into his arms, arranging them more comfortably on the bed. It might be one of the last times they get to do this before he’s married.
“Right, Jilly. Of course.”
~~~
The next morning dawns bright and clear, totally at odds with how Jeff is feeling. He drags himself through breakfast and his mother forcing his second-best suit on him, and his sulky silence fills the car the entire ride to the hotel where they're meeting the Staals. He knows his parents are getting annoyed at his attitude but he's about to fake a smile and pretend like he's fine with everything that's happening for the next eight hours, so if he wants to sulk in the car he's going to.
However, all the dread and anger and worry Jeff's been feeling in the lead up to meeting Eric disappears the second they walk into the conference room and he sees him for the first time. Because holy shit.
Their parents greet each other warmly but Jeff can't look away from the tall blonde god that's standing next to them. He knew, vaguely, what Eric looked like, but had not looked him up after the proposal, mostly due to the rather wide streak of denial he is residing in. He clearly should have though, because Eric is gorgeous, and his bright blue eyes sparkle with good cheer as he shakes Jeff’s parents hands before turning to Jeff.
“Hello, Jeff,” he says, smiling widely at Jeff, who freezes in place. Jesus, he’s so attractive and all Jeff can think about it is how wrinkled his suit is from the way he was slouching in the car. His mother elbows him in the side and Jeff realises Eric is holding his hand out while Jeff stares at him like a creepy shopping mall dummy. He fumbles forward for the handshake as Eric looks at him, puzzled.
“Hi,” Jeff mumbles, dropping Eric’s hand quickly and stepping back to his mother’s side. She gave him a quick frown before turning back to Eric’s parents and starts settling them down on the tables set up in the room. Jeff doesn’t blame her, he’s acting ridiculous, but he’s so thrown by Eric. He was freaking out so badly about the arranged marriage thing he’d basically convinced himself he was going to be married to an old ogre, even though he knew logically that Eric was only 27. But here’s this hot, young guy staring at him and he feels flushed and his hands are sweating and oh god, Eric just touched his hand! Did he get sweat all over Eric’s hand? Jeff tries to surreptitiously wipe his palms on his pants as he avoids Eric’s eye contact, and they stand awkwardly near the conference room door.
“So, Jeff,” Eric says slowly, still sounding slightly puzzled but seemingly pushing through that, “How are you?”
“...Fine,” Jeff manages to get out after another creepy staring break. Oh god. This is a nightmare.
“It’s good to see you again,” Eric says slowly and Jeff nods along for a second until he stops his head with a jerk.
“Wait, what?” he blurts and Eric grins at him, rocking back on his heels.
"We met at your sixteenth, do you remember? You were hiding behind the plants near the buffet table."
Jeff does remember, vaguely. He was hiding because he was sick to death of fawning mothers trying to put in good words for their sons, and one or two of the older unmarried men staring at him creepily. He’d retreated to the greenery behind the buffet to gather his wits and knocked over a pot plant, which in turn knocked over another, and another until the buffet table was in danger of being toppled. Eric had caught it before it hit the ground, and Jeff had blushed and stammered out his thanks to the handsome man smiling at him. It was over quickly - quick enough that he’s surprised Eric remembers.
“I wouldn’t say ‘met’ so much as ‘saved me from my mother’s disapproval at losing the deposit’,” Jeff says quietly and Eric beams at him.
“You do remember!” He seems thrilled for such a small thing and Jeff smiles hesitantly back. Eric’s grin softens and he gestures to some chairs sitting by the window. Jeff nods back and takes a seat, and tries not to stare at Eric’s leg brushing his.
“I would like to talk, get to know each other better?” Eric suggests. “I mean, we’re going to be married, after all.”
Jeff blushes again and looks away and Eric touches his knee. Jeff glances back at him quickly to find Eric watching him with a critical eye. “What?” he says rather defensively.
“Are you okay with it?” Eric asks seriously and Jeff cocks his head.
“With what?”
“With the proposal,” Eric says quietly and Jeff is taken aback. Eric wants to know how he feels about it?
His surprise must register on his face because Eric sighs and takes his hand back from Jeff’s knee. The spot quickly grows cold and Jeff unconsciously moves his own hand to cover it.
“You’re only eighteen,” Eric explains, looking out the window. “I know you’re of age but you’re still so young. I don’t want you to force into something you don’t want, change the rest of your life if you aren’t happy with it.”
“Why did you ask then?” Jeff replies, the question he’s been burning to know since his parents told him of the offer.
“Because I had to,” Eric says simply. “Since that moment on your presentation night when I saved the table and you stared at me so guiltily. It’s sounds ridiculous, but I knew then. I knew as soon as you were of age I had to propose.”
That’s a kind of weird, to be truthful. Eric’s been what, pining for him since he was sixteen? Although...it’s a little flattering too, Jeff will admit. Okay fine, a lot flattering. Eric is a rich, gorgeous guy from a wealthy, important family, and he’s been waiting for Jeff to turn eighteen? It’s mind-blowing. Jeff isn’t one hundred percent sure how he feels about it, but he thinks it’s mostly positive. He shifts in his seat and their legs touch again, Jeff’s fingers on Eric’s knee this time in passing. Eric looks down at them for a second before standing abruptly.
“Do you want to take a walk around the garden?” he says a little gruffly and Jeff stares at him in surprise then nods.
“Um, sure,” he says and follows Eric as he hurries to the door. “We’re going to walk around the garden,” he says to his mother as they pass and she smiles at him in approval.
“Take your coat!” she calls out to him as he passes and he ducks back and grabs it, dropping a kiss on her forehead as he leaves. She’ll know it for the apology for his attitude this morning he means it as.
The gardens at the hotel are pretty, Jeff supposes, but he’s too turned around with this new information to really pay them any attention. Eric really wants to marry him this badly? So much after a two minute interaction two years ago? He sneaks a look at Eric as they wander side by side round the garden paths. Their hands brush as they walk and Jeff doesn’t know if it’s on purpose or if he should move his hand or what, but when he glances at Eric his face is a little red and Jeff realises suddenly that Eric is blushing. Blushing! Eric!
“Are you blushing?” he grins cheekily before he can help himself and Eric huffs a laugh as the red deepens on his cheeks.
“Ah, a little,” he admits, and slants a small smile towards Jeff. “You throw me off.”
“I do?” Jeff is amazed. Eric’s thrown by him?
“You do,” Eric says with a bigger smile and Jeff can’t help the matching one spreading across his own face in return.
The second and third meetings go pretty much the same way, Eric and Jeff disappearing into the gardens to walk and talk while their parents plan the wedding. Jeff knows they should be talking about their future, making sure their lives are compatible but even though Eric seems cool the marriage topic still makes Jeff’s heart race, and he shies away from the topic. They talk about nothing, really; favourite bands and movies, hobbies. Easy stuff to keep things light. Eric has a quiet, dry sense of humour that Jeff finds he likes, and he slowly relaxes, lets his nerves slip away.
By the fourth meeting Jeff is totally and completely gone for Eric. Their hands do more than brush now, their fingers tangle and lock the minute they step out the doors into the garden. Jeff walks around with a smile on his face and his brother and sisters laugh at him and his ‘love daze’, as they call it.
It’s not until the fifth meeting that things change. They’re sitting on a bench in the garden, Jeff laughing at a story Eric’s telling him about pranking his brothers, and he’s hiding his face in Eric’s shoulder as he tries to get his giggles under control. Eric smiles down at him, the sunlight haloing his hair in silhouette.
“You’re gorgeous,” he tells Jeff suddenly and Jeff feels his face go bright red.
“Shut up,” he mutters, and Eric laughs, jumping up from the bench and holding out his hands for Jeff to pull himself up.
“You are though,” he insists, tugging Jeff along with him. Jeff shakes his head and Eric spins him around, arms wrapped around Jeff’s waist till he can’t help the shriek of laughter that spills out of him. Eric is so tall and strong and the strength Jeff can feel in his arms sets his heart fluttering in his chest.
“You are gorgeous,” Eric insists, and Jeff shakes his head.
“You have no idea of your own appeal, do you?” Eric says with a laugh but the smile slides off Jeff’s face at his words.
“Sure I do,” he says, looking away from Eric. “My mouth, right?”
“What?” Eric looks startled at the topic change and Jeff inwardly curses his lack of self control. When he’s nervous he’s either mute or blurting things out uncontrollably, just what Eric wants in a husband, he’s sure.
“Sorry, it’s nothing,” he mumbles and tries to walk faster but Eric catches his elbow gently, turns him round before letting go.
“What did you mean, your mouth?” Eric asks quietly and Jeff stuffs his hands into his pockets, looking away from Eric’s suddenly serious face.
“Nothing, it’s just - I’ve had three social nights on my birthday since I was sixteen,” he says quietly. “Every year, usually towards the end of the night, I get told by someone who’s had too much to drink how appealing my mouth is. That’s all.”
“That’s not ‘nothing’, Jeff,” Eric says, frowning. Jeff shrugs, shifting on his feet.
"It is though. I mean, it sucks, but you get used to it at those things, old guys looking at you and just assuming you want to go off to a secluded corner with them because they're rich and call you pretty, or whatever. It's easy to avoid them, honestly. It's really not a big deal. "
Eric stares at him for a second before something changes in his face and he steps back. “Come on, you look cold. Let’s go back inside.” He turns around and starts heading back along the path to the hotel doors and Jeff stares after him, confused, before he catches up. Their hands don't touch once on the way back.
~~~
Jeff isn’t sure what’s happened, but Eric is different after that. He attends the rest of the follow-up meetings their parents, but he never offers to go walking in the garden with Jeff again.
“I think he hates me,” he moans to Jilly one night, and she scoffs in his face.
“No way! He proposed the second you were of age, and hasn't denied any of the alterations Mom and Dad have wanted to make to the contract. He's basically giving you everything you want. That's not what you do if you hate someone."
Jilly seems certain in her statement but Jeff isn't convinced. Why has Eric pulled away from him? The first few meetings were like something out of Jeff's wildest dreams, a rich, charming, gorgeous guy who hadn't wanted to control Jeff or stop him from having a life, and who seemed to be totally into Jeff to boot. The first part is still there, but now Eric barely looks at Jeff whenever they meet and he hasn't tried to touch him at all. He basically runs away if Jeff even moves within two feet of him so he hasn't been able to ask him what's going on, and Jeff doesn't know what he's done wrong.
He's getting married in a month and for all that his initial fears about being stuck with someone mean or cruel had been placated after meeting Eric, now he's filled with fears about a cold marriage where his husband ignores him, doesn't touch him, doesn't want to be with him, and he isn't sure which is worse.
~~~
Jeff’s fingers shake slightly as Eric pushes the ring on; Eric squeezes them tightly and smiles politely at him when Jeff looks up. His hand is cool and dry when it slides along Jeff’s palm as they switch positions and it's his turn to fit the ring on Eric's finger. Jeff forces his lips upwards in what he hopes is a smile, but from the slight downturning of Eric's expression he probably isn't successful. He quickly turns to the minister so he won't have to face Eric, and listens numbly as the final words are said before he blinks and everyone is suddenly clapping and cheering. He takes a deep breath before looking up at Eric again. They've got to kiss now and Jeff is both yearning for it and dreading it. The smile on Eric's face seems flat and fake to Jeff this close up, and there's tension between his eyes as he stares at Jeff - no, at Jeff's lips.
Great, just what Jeff was afraid of. Eric doesn't want to kiss him. He looks almost sick at the thought and Jeff bites his bottom lip unconsciously as the crowd around them starts to yell for a kiss. Eric tightens his hands around Jeff's again, and mutters a soft, "I'm sorry,” which makes absolutely no sense as he leans down and presses a warm kiss against Jeff’s lips. It lasts a second and a year and a lifetime and Jeff sucks in a breath when it’s over and Eric is pulling away. He stares up at Eric and must look like a love struck idiot with how wide his eyes are and how his mouth is hanging open, but Eric isn’t looking at him, is turned away to face the crowd and doesn’t see him. Jeff’s in love with his husband, but his husband hates him and he has no idea what he’s going to do.
~~~
The reception is loud and bright and full of people Jeff doesn’t know. He loses track of his family within minutes of arriving, hundreds of guests lining up to congratulate Eric and his new husband, wishing them a life of happiness and love. Jeff smiles and thanks them all as politely as possible but it’s starting to get overwhelming, the sheer number of people. Eric must figure it out, because soon enough he’s being steered away from the well wishes and up to the wedding party table, which is clear of anyone else at the moment.
“Thank you,” he says exhaustedly, collapsing into a chair. “I think my mouth is drier than a desert at the moment, just from saying ‘thank you’ a thousand times. Do you really know all these people?”
“Probably about half,” Eric admits quietly. His hand moves towards the table before pausing and he turns his head to look at Jeff. Jeff immediately sits up because Eric never looks at him anymore. “Do you want some water?” Eric asks and Jeff nods quickly. He pours Jeff a glass from a carafe on the table and hands it over. Their fingers touch and Eric flinches back minutely and Jeff ducks his head and pretends he didn’t see it. “The other half would be friends and acquaintances and business associates of my parents.”
“It’s crazy,” Jeff says, looking out over the crowd, sitting back in his chair with the glass. “It’s so weird.”
"Jeff," Eric says quietly, drawing Jeff's attention from watching the crowd. He touches Jeff lightly on the elbow, like he did that day in the garden and Jeff almost spills his water.
"Are you -"
"Eric!" The name is boomed across the room and whatever Eric was going to say is drowned out by his brothers drunkenly throwing themselves upon the table.
"What are you lovebirds whispering about?" Jared grins and Marc throws his arm around Jeff's shoulder, pulling him in close to his side. Jeff clenches his hands around the glass before setting it down carefully on the table.
"Uh guys, we're actually in the middle of something," Eric starts but Jared talks over him, calling the waiter for more drinks.
"Looking forwards to the big night back at the hotel, hey?" Jordan jostles Jeff's side and grins at him, waggling his eyebrows. "I know Errr-iiiic iiiisss," he sing songs and Eric elbows him sharply in the side.
“Shut up, idiot,” he snaps and Jeff abruptly stands up, knocking Marc and Jordan back in their seats.
"Sorry, I just - my sister," Jeff lies, waving his hand blindly at the dance floor. "Excuse me." He pushes his chair back and stumbles away from the top table, winding his way through people on the dancefloor to get to the other side of the ballroom and slip out the frosted glass doors to the fresh air outside.
He crosses to the stone balcony and breathes in deeply, slowly in and out. The air is cool on his warm cheeks and he tries to calm his racing heart. He knows Eric’s brothers were just teasing but he can’t help the sick feeling in his stomach as he tries not to freak out. Eric clearly doesn’t want a proper wedding night, doesn’t want to kiss Jeff, doesn’t want to touch him.
The wedding night has been something he tried to avoid thinking about when he was younger. He and his friends used to scandalize each other during sleepovers, laugh about rumors they heard from other kids. But once Jeff hit sixteen and had his presentation night and suddenly realised that it was something that was going to happen to him, the rumors stopped being scandalous and started being scary.
He doesn’t feel scared anymore. Not with Eric. But the thought that Eric doesn’t want it, doesn’t want him and now Eric’s the one trapped in a marriage that he doesn’t want to be in - it’s awful and Jeff hates this whole situation.
The door behind him opens, spilling light and noise outside for a second as someone slips out, then the night is muted again as it closes. Jeff hears footsteps stop a few feet away from him and tenses up.
“Sorry about my brothers,” Eric sounds defeated and Jeff turns around slowly. Eric looks defeated, hands hanging limply by his sides. “They were just joking around, they didn’t mean anything by it, but they were being dicks. I’m sorry they upset you.”
“I’m not upset,” Jeff says automatically and Eric shakes his head.
“You are, and that’s okay. It’s been a pretty overwhelming day, I’m sure you didn’t need those losers adding to it.” He twists his lips in wry smile. “Believe it or not I think they were trying to welcome you to the family, in their own misguided way.”
Jeff nods. It’s not Eric’s brothers fault that they don’t know that Eric probably doesn’t want to be reminded of a wedding night he doesn’t want.
Eric tilts his head to the left. “Want to go for a walk?” Jeff inhales sharply, looks up at Eric. He hasn’t asked him that in weeks and Eric looks uncomfortable saying it now. Jeff swallows and shakes his head, not wanting to make Eric do anything he doesn’t want to do. Eric looks strangely sad though, and Jeff takes a chance.
“Do you, um, do you want to dance?” Jeff says quietly and Eric stares at him for a moment before nodding. He holds his elbow out for Jeff to take and Jeff breathes in deeply once more then steps forward, resting his hand on Eric’s arm and lets him lead back into the ballroom.
~~~
“Nothing uh, has to happen tonight,” Eric says the minute the doors to their honeymoon suite shut behind them. Jeff drops his suit jacket over a chair and breathes out slowly, stomach twisting. “I hope you don’t - it doesn’t -”
“Eric,” Jeff interrupts him. “It’s fine.” That’s pretty cut and dry, it’s fairly obvious Eric wants everything on the table up front so Jeff doesn’t try anything.
“No it’s not,” Eric looks kind of upset for some reason, and crosses over to Jeff, stands a foot away from him, staring intently. “This is really important. You get that, right? I don’t want to - to…” He sighs, frustrated and Jeff clenches his jaw. Eric doesn’t have to rub it in his face. He knows he doesn’t want to sleep with him, he doesn’t have to be a dick about it.
“Me either,” he snaps and Eric blanches. “Is that what you want to hear?”
“I don’t want you to lie about it,” Eric replies, which what? Eric wants Jeff to admit he wants to sleep with him, so he can turn him down? What the fuck?
“I’m not lying,” Jeff lies. “I don’t want to sleep with you.”
Eric stares at him for a second before his face shutters and he nods. “Good. I mean. You don’t - that’s fine. That’s okay.”
“Right,” Jeff mutters. “I’m going to shower.”
“Okay,” Eric says softly. “I’ve got some calls to make, so I’ll be out here for a while.”
“Fine,” Jeff says shortly, and pushes past him into the bedroom. He gets his pyjamas out of his overnight bag and hurries through his wash, wanting to be out and done and in bed before Eric finishes his calls.
Five minutes later he exits the bathroom in a cloud of steam, scrubbing a towel loosely over his head. He glances at the closed bedroom door but can’t hear anything behind it. He faces the bed, a giant king size monstrosity and sighs. This is going to be torture, sleeping next to Eric. He walks up to it then hesitates before pulling the covers back. What if Eric likes to sleep on the right too? He looks back to the door before shaking his head and pulling the comforter down. The air conditioning is on high but Jeff likes to get a little cold before he pulls it up over him.
He’s curled under the sheet and yawning when he realises it's been quite a while since Eric said he had calls to make. Jeff hesitates for a moment before slipping out of bed and padding quietly across to the bedroom door. He opens it up carefully and pokes his head out into the living room of the suite where his eyes immediately fall on Eric lying crookedly on the sofa.
Jeff's chest does a weird tight thing as he watches Eric roll onto his side on the sofa. He's too tall for it, which isn't really a surprise, and his ankles and feet are hanging off one end while his neck is at an awkward angle against the armrest at the other. There are enough cushions to sew together to make a whole new mattress, but he's thrown most of them off, only one jammed under his head to rest on. He looks incredibly uncomfortable and Jeff feels his throat tighten up at the obvious discomfort Eric is willing to go through to avoid sleeping in the same bed as Jeff.
What did he do? They were getting along so well, or so Jeff thought, but then something changed and Eric got so distant. They only have this one night in the hotel, which isn't really a big deal. If they can’t sleep together in the same gigantic bed here, he has no idea what they’re going to do when they have to share a bedroom for the rest of their lives.
Just looking at Eric is making Jeff's neck hurt in sympathy. He chews on his lip a little as he makes his decision, nodding slightly before walking over to the sofa, stepping around the extra ottomans the hotel deemed necessary to fill the suite with.
"Eric," Jeff says, and Eric eyes spring open right away, pinning Jeff with their blue gaze. He doesn't say anything and Jeff flushes a little, acutely aware of the threadbare t-shirt and sweats he's wearing. "The bed is huge," he manages to say, shifting on his feet. "You'll do yourself permanent damage if you try to sleep on this thing."
“It’s fine,” Eric denies, turning onto his back. “You don’t have to worry about me. Go back to bed, Jeff, get some sleep.”
“You won’t get any sleep if you stay out here,” Jeff points out and Eric sighs.
“Jeff, I’m not going to - you don’t want to sleep with me, you said. The sofa is fine, I promise.”
Jesus, Jeff only said that because it was obvious Eric didn't want to. Everything is so messed up. “And I promise the bed is fine,” Jeff snaps, so exasperated with Eric’s behaviour he forgets that Eric is Eric Staal, and people don't generally snap at him. Eric’s eyebrows raise at Jeff’s tone and he looks surprised for a second before a small smile twists his lips.
“Alright,” he says, sounding faintly amused, which is the best Jeff's heard from him in weeks. “If you insist.” He sits up on the sofa and then stands, back cracking noticeably as he stretches it out. His sleep shirt rides up a little in the front, giving Jeff a sneak peek of blonde hair trailing down under the waistband of his pyjama pants and Jeff is immediately consumed by all the nerves he had momentarily forgotten. He makes a tiny, involuntary sound and whirls around, heading back into the bedroom at a pace he refuses to call a run.
~~~~
Sleeping next to Eric is one of the weirdest experiences of Jeff's life. Well, he shouldn't say sleeping, because he's wide awake and any edge of weariness he'd felt earlier is long gone. Eric is stretched out beside him long and lean, facing away from Jeff, on his stomach with his arms tucked under his pillow. There's a mile of mattress between them - the bed really is ridiculously huge - but Jeff still imagines he can feel the heat from Eric's body seeping into his.
He stares at the ceiling and tries to calm his racing heart. He slowly turns his head to look at Eric. His shirt is stretched tight over his shoulders and it’s pulling up at the base of his spine, skin peeking out between it and his sleep pants. Jeff can’t stop looking at that sliver of skin and he huffs out a breath angrily, turning over in the bed to face the other way. Stupid, attractive, cold and distant Eric. He scrunches his eyes closed tightly, and tries to force sleep to come. He thinks he might almost be there when the bed moves and he feels Eric roll over too. Jeff’s eyes spring open once more and he tries to keep his breathing even, praying Eric can’t hear his rapid heartbeat.
Eric doesn’t move or say anything though and eventually Jeff’s heartbeat starts to slow down. He’s spent the last two years worrying about this moment, his wedding night with a practical stranger, but now it’s here and Eric has thrown everything out of order. To go from dreading this night, to meeting Eric and cautiously looking forward to it, to this angry, standoffish mess been so confusing.
Because underneath it all, Jeff is really hurt. Did Eric even mean any of what he said when they first hung out? All those things Eric said about Jeff, about knowing as soon as he saw him, was it even true? Was he just making sure Jeff didn’t back out of the engagement? If that’s the case, why? Eric doesn’t really stand to gain anything too important from this marriage, which is part of the reason Jeff was so confused about the proposal in the first place.
Cold doubt threads through Jeff’s stomach as he remembers what his dad mentioned about Eric's inheritance stipulations when the offer was first put on the table. But if that was the only reason, why bother buttering him up? Jeff had already accepted the proposal. Plus, anyone would say yes to Eric Staal. Why did he choose Jeff?
Suddenly, Jeff can't stand the thought that this night, his wedding night, is going to set the standard for the rest of his marriage. If Eric thinks Jeff is just some guy he can marry to fulfil a contract and then push aside for the rest of his life, he has another thing coming. He might not want to sleep with Jeff, and that's - that's fine, well that sucks a lot, actually, but it's fine, and Jeff will deal. But he's not going to have some silent hell of a marriage where sleeping on couches is the norm and Jeff never has any idea of what Eric is thinking. They can be friends, right? Eric can’t actually hate him, right? He’s getting angrier and angrier at the thought until finally he huffs and leans out of bed to switch on the lamp.
Jeff turns over onto his other side, bouncing the mattress roughly until Eric stirs, and his half-lidded eyes look up at him sleepily. "Jeff?" he asks roughly and Jeff pins him with a glare.
“Is this what it’s going to be like for the next fifty years?” he demands and Eric's eyes open wider in surprise.
"What?" he asks, sounding bewildered and Jeff frowns.
"This is it, this is the marriage? You’re going to sleep on the couch unless I force you into the bed so you don’t maim yourself, we’re going to stand two feet away from each other for the rest of our lives, and you’re never going to tell me what I did to make you hate me?”
Eric stares at him, shocked, and Jeff wants to suffocate himself with a pillow. Shit, he didn’t mean to say that last part, shit, shit, shit.
Eric struggles to sit upright on the bed, pulling his pillow up behind his back to lean against the headboard. “Jeff, what are you talking about? I don’t hate you.”
“You barely look at me,” Jeff retorts, sitting up himself and tucking his knees up against his chest. “You hardly speak to me anymore unless it’s to ask me a direct question and even then you look like it’s being pulled out of you. You never -” his voice breaks and he swallows, looking away from Eric. He is not going to cry, dammit. “You never touch me anymore, and when you kissed me today you looked like you were going to throw up.”
“Jeff,” Eric sounds strange, and Jeff looks back to see Eric staring at him, horrified. “Jeff, I don’t know what - I had to kiss you today -”
“Oh you had to, you had to,” Jeff interrupts, “like it’s a punishment you had to grin and bear through, kissing your husband on your wedding day.” He throws the sheet off and rolls out of bed, legs too restless to remain sitting on the mattress. “Why did you even marry me, Eric? Why did you go to so much trouble to get me to like you, to lie about liking me? If this is how it’s going to be, I don’t know why you ever got my hopes up in the first place!”
"What?" Eric sounds more frustrated and confused than Jeff has ever heard him. "I have no idea what you're talking about, Jeff! I've never lied to you!"
"You said I was gorgeous!" Jeff yells back and this time when his voice breaks he lets it. "You, you said I was gorgeous and you held my hand and you made me believe you liked me!"
Eric is frozen, half on the bed, half out of it, and as Jeff watches he slowly sits back down. "What?" he whispers and Jeff is so sick of him saying that he picks up his pillow and throws it at him. Eric bats it away easily and Jeff huffs and starts pacing.
"Stop saying 'what' like you don't know how you've been treating me the last couple of months," he snaps. "It was a change, it was a deliberate change to how you were, so you can't say you didn't know you were doing it."
"I like you," Eric says dumbly, like he's still going over what Jeff said. "I lo- I like you, of course I like you, Jeff."
"I don't believe you," Jeff shakes his head. “Because I don’t know about you, but how we’ve been the last two months isn’t how you treat someone you like.”
Eric stares at him and Jeff has never seen him so confused. “I don't understand. You want me to like you?"
"What?" Now it's Jeff's turn to be confused. "Yes! Of course! I just married you!"
"But..." Eric shakes his head and finally stands up from the bed. "Wait. I think we're misunderstanding each other somehow."
"Oh really, do you think?" Jeff mutters, still pacing.
"You...liked me telling you that you're gorgeous," Eric says slowly. Jeff blushes and ducks his head.
"Well when you say it like that I sound conceited," he mumbles, then looks up and meets Eric's stare. "But yes. Of course. I mean, you were my fiancé - my older, cool, hot fiancé. Of course I liked you calling me gorgeous."
"I don't understand," Eric says. "You told me you hated it. You didn't want to be with someone like me."
"What? I never said that," Jeff denies, and Eric moves forwards a step.
"Yes, you did! In the garden. You were creeped out by the older, rich men who tried to talk to you in dark corners at your presentation nights." He swallows hard. "Just like I did."
Jeff stares at him, flabbergasted. He remembers the conversation Eric is talking about but has no idea how Eric got the thought that Jeff meant him.
"I know what I said that day, and I did not say that I didn't want to be with you," he says firmly. "Is that why you stopped walking with me in the garden? Why you stopped holding my hand?"
Eric looks upset. "What was I supposed to think? I called you gorgeous and the next thing I know you're pulling away from me and telling me how much the rich old guys creeped you out! I thought you were telling me to back off!"
"You couldn't have asked me about it instead of just assuming?" Jeff cries and Eric throws his hands in the air.
"I didn't want you to think I was pushing you!"
"So you were just going to marry me and then live in misery forever?"
"No! I was hoping you'd grow to love me back on your own terms!"
"...What?"
Eric looks spooked and moves towards the bedroom door but Jeff throws himself forward, putting himself between Eric and the exit.
"Oh no, we're talking about this now," Jeff says, and pokes Eric in the chest with his finger, forcing him back a step. "First of all, assuming things is obviously getting us nowhere. So I'm not going to assume I understood what you just said, and I'm going to ask you to repeat it for me." He hopes Eric can’t tell that his hand is shaking, and scowls harder to make up for it.
"I..." Eric looks down at Jeff's finger, and how close their bodies are and moves back three big steps. He clears his throat and looks down at the carpet. "I was hoping you would eventually grow to love me back, on your own. Without me forcing you to."
Jeff's heart has been racing the whole conversation but now it's thudding in his ears. Eric can't mean what he's saying. Jeff isn't understanding him correctly. He can't be.
"Love you back?" he croaks out and Eric meets his eyes guiltily.
"I'm sorry," he says softly. "I didn't want you to feel pressured. I mean, I know we're married but I was going to let you take as much time as you needed. And obviously if you didn't feel the same way I was going to let you decide how to play it, if you wanted to stay married for the security or..." he trails off and swallows. "Or get divorced and move on with your life."
Jeff can't think of anything to say. Eric loves him? His head is spinning and Eric must take his silence as a bad sign because he jumps in with more explanations.
"I know it's crazy, to marry you even though we aren't really together, but I thought this way, at least you would have the safety and resources of my family until you decided what you wanted to do. If I broke off the engagement you still would have had to marry someone else, and I just couldn't...I didn't want you to have to marry someone else and go through everything you worried about when I could marry you still and just let you live however you wanted."
Eric was willing to stay in a marriage that he thought was loveless just so Jeff wouldn't have to marry someone he didn't know, or even hated. He can't believe it. He takes a couple of steps till he can sit down on the bed. His knees feel weak and he needs to think.
"Jeff, are you okay?" Eric hovers over him and Jeff nods slowly.
"I am," he says and Eric twitches towards the door again.
"Do you want a drink of water?"
"No." Jeff looks up and holds Eric's gaze. "I love you back."
Eric looks like someone hit him with a two-by-four. "You love me back?"
"I've loved you since the gardens," Jeff admits. "I thought you hated me, though. I thought you just married me for the rules of your inheritance. Which sucked a lot, because as I said, I love you."
"I love you, too," Eric says, still looking kind of shocked. "I thought you hated me."
"So I've figured out," Jeff laughs a little. "I can't believe any of this. It's ridiculous."
"It's definitely not the sanest conversation I've ever had," Eric adds and Jeff laughs a bit harder. Eric starts chuckling then and Jeff can't help the giggles spilling out of his mouth. Soon enough they're both doubled over with laughter, tears slowly rolling down Jeff's cheeks as he guffaws out the stress and worry he's been carrying around for months. Eric staggers over to the bed, collapsing back onto it as his chuckles slowly die down.
"I can't breathe," he gasps, waving a hand at his face. "Oh god, my cheeks hurt. Oh, man. This is, this is something else. My brothers are never going to let me live this down."
"I want you to kiss me," Jeff says out of nowhere and Eric jerks his head round to meet his eyes.
"What?" Eric goes still and Jeff reaches out and tugs him forwards by the hem of his shirt.
"I want you to kiss me. I, Jeff Skinner-Staal, want you, Eric Staal, to kiss me like you should have today at our wedding. Like how I wanted you to."
Eric swallows again and Jeff sees his eyes drop down to Jeff’s lips. He licks them unconsciously and Eric rolls a little closer to him.
"Are you sure?" Eric says, voice low. His gaze flits all over Jeff's face, lingering at the tear tracks slowly making their way down the corner of his eyes, and zeroing in on Jeff’s dimples as he grins, wide and happy for the first time in weeks.
"Do you love me?" Jeff asks in return. Eric nods seriously, shifting on the bed so he's leaning over Jeff on one elbow. He touches Jeff's dimples lightly with the fingers of his other hand.
"I love you and I am in love with you," Eric whispers and Jeff has to close his eyes to contain his feelings at the wonder he can see in Eric's eyes.
"Then I am incredibly sure," Jeff confirms, voice breaking a little as he says it. His throat is tight with emotion and he clears it before continuing. "Please kiss me, Eric."
"You gorgeous thing," he hears Eric murmur before there's weight on his chest and then Eric is pressing him down into the mattress, his body covering Jeff from head to toe. It's a deliciously warm and safe feeling, and Jeff brings his arms up to wrap around Eric's back, before a touch at his jaw is tilting his head up and then Eric's lips touch his and all Jeff sees is stars.
~~~
“Mom, stop,” Jeff protests and his mother tuts him, fluffing his pillow once more before finally settling down into the chair beside his hospital bed.
“Just because you have a life and a family of your own now doesn’t mean that I can’t take care of you, Jeff,” his mother admonishes. She looks down for a second and when she looks back up tears are shining in her eyes. “Oh, honey.”
“Mom!” Jeff smiles, grabbing her hands. “You big softie.”
“But you’re a father now, Jeff,” his mom says, wiping at her eyes. “I’m just so happy for you.”
“Thanks, Mom,” Jeff says, squeezing her hands. There’s noise in the corridor outside his room and they look up to see a large troupe of Staals all trying to fit themselves through the doorway at the same time.
“Hey, how about the one with the baby goes through first?” Jeff calls and there’s some good-natured grumbling before Jordan emerges at the front, grinning proudly, holding a bundle of blankets in his arms. “Okay, not the Staal I was expecting,” Jeff says, amused, and Jordan shrugs, stopping by Jeff’s elbow.
“I won the coin toss,” is all he says and Jeff smiles fondly at Eric over his shoulder, Jared and Marc hovering behind him.
“Hey, Dad,” he murmurs quietly and Eric beams at him.
“Hey, Dad,” he whispers back and Jared makes a retching noise.
“Gross, guys,” he complains and Jeff laughs, then winces as his stitches pull.
“Hey, what, are you okay?” Eric is at his side right away and Jeff grabs his hand, nods reassuringly.
“I’m fine, it’ll just be a bit awkward moving around for a bit.” He looks to Jordan, and the cargo he’s holding. “Can I hold my daughter now, Jordy?”
“Yeah, I suppose,” he grins and hands the bundle off to Eric, who shakes his head and takes the baby.
“Shh, shh,” Eric soothes as the baby grumbles at being moved and he cradles her head as he lowers her into Jeff’s arms.
“Hi baby,” Jeff whispers as Eric settles her, and he looks up at Eric, grinning so hard his cheeks hurt and he knows his dimples are showing. “We have a daughter,” he says and Eric chokes out a laugh, eyes sparkling with joy.
“She’s gorgeous, just like her dad,” he says and Jeff buries his head in Eric’s shoulder, wiping his eyes on his shirt.
A flash goes off and he looks up to see his mom taking photo after photo of them with her phone. “Mom,” he says exasperated and she waves her hand at him.
“Oh hush, Jeff, just let me,” she says and he rolls his eyes. There’s more noise from outside the room and he looks up to see his sisters and brother burst in, balloons and stuffed toys everywhere.
“Jeff!” Jilly squeals and heads towards him before screeching to a halt when she sees who he’s holding. “Oh my gosh, look at the baby!”
“Hi guys,” Jeff smiles, and shifts his daughter slightly in his arms. “Come meet your niece.” He lets Jilly take her gently from him and feels the bed dip beside him as Eric settles down on the mattress, tucking himself around Jeff, weighty and secure.
“Welcome to our family, sweetie,” Andrea is cooing and Jeff looks at his family - both blood and by marriage - as they crowd around his daughter, with his husband at his side, and smiles.