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There was something different going on that night. It wasn’t the lights, they were still obnoxious and bright, flashing every second and making it hard to concentrate on anything. It wasn’t the music either, that was still the shitty top thirty from the radio that they heard coming from little food stands on campus all day everyday. And it wasn’t even the look Gavin was giving him across the room either, Michael saw that look nearly every night. It was the same glossy, green eyed look he gave whenever the person he was talking to didn’t seem to be good enough for a quick hook up so he’d start watching Michael, trying to decide what he needed to make the night more exciting for him. Ryan was talking too quietly to be heard over the music and Jeremy was long past drunk. Trevor was sitting by patiently waiting for Ryan to announce that he was ready to go back to their dorm room so he could start enjoying his weekend with his boyfriend. But this was all the same too.
“Michael?” he looked over at a concerned Jeremy holding a shot glass out to clink with his.
“He giving you the eyes again?” Ryan nodded in Gavin’s general direction, leaning closer so Michael could hear him better over whatever Selena Gomez song was making people jump around on the dancefloor this time.
“Yup,” Michael sighed, tipping his vodka shot to Jeremy’s and downing it. By the time he turned back to look at the bar where Gavin had been standing he found that the other boy had disappeared. “Shit,” he muttered. Losing track of Gavin in a crowded place like this was never a good sign, it either meant that Michael would be going back to a dorm room with a sock on the door, one of his socks most likely, or Gavin would pop out of nowhere just when Michael had finally started to let himself relax.
“Calm down, he went to the bathroom,” Ryan said, dropping a hand on Michael’s arm. He let out a breath and sank back against his seat.
It was always an event with Gavin. Going anywhere with him was an adventure, one that kept you on your toes and made you second guess every move. In freshman year they went on a quick pizza run during midterm week and ended up on a three hour road trip because Gavin wanted to get chili fries from some restaurant he had visited five years before.
And going out for a simple drink with friends on a Friday night was no different, it turned into a five hour thing because they had to grab dinner first and always had a few and then Gavin bought the first round at the bar and it all went downhill from there.
“Boi!” Gavin appeared in his line of vision, arm reaching out to grab and pull him in for a hug. “I need you to get me out of a situation,”
Michael rolled his eyes, this was how it always went, the reason Michael put up with Gavin’s shit. “Do you need a boyfriend?” and that was how it continued.
“Mhm. Kiss?” Gavin pouted.
Now there were a lot of things Michael wouldn’t do for Gavin when asked. He wouldn’t do his math homework, because fuck that, he didn’t wash his dishes in the sink because, ‘you’re a grown ass man Gavin, clean up after yourself’ and he didn’t do his laundry, because obviously. But pretend to be Gavin’s boyfriend for a few minutes to get him away from a creep? He’d do it in a goddamn heartbeat.
"Where is he?" Michael whispered, pulling back so he could see Gavin's face.
"By the door,"
Michael turned to look but Gavin's hands on his shoulders pulling his attention back to him was all he needed before he was pushing his face forward and pressing his lips to the taller boy's.
Well, this was definitely different.
They had kissed dozens of times by now, but for some reason this was... nicer? He didn't know how to describe it. Gavin's hands were still threading through his hair and Michael's hands were still planted firmly on Gavin's hips. He bit the other's lip and tugged softly, like he always did, and Gavin let out a small moan that almost made Michael's eyes roll back into his head, but still, none of this was new. Maybe it was the fact that Gavin's lips didn't taste like stale beer and cheap tequila.
"He's gone, just so you know," Trevor announced after a few more moments, he patted Michael on the back and moved around him. "We're gonna head out now, enjoy your night," he reached out to grab Ryan's hand and lead the other out followed by a stumbling Jeremy who left with a wave.
"My work here is done," Michael smirked, doing a quick scan of the room and finding that the man Gavin had been talking to was in fact, missing.
"Not yet, let's go home," Gavin beamed, leaning in to press another chaste kiss to Michael's lips.
"Home? You sure? You're hardly drunk,"
"Yeah, let's go," Gavin's hands fell from Michael's shoulders to his hands, pulling him along the wall to the door.
The walk back to campus was usually long, but after a few years they knew all the shortcuts and managed to make it in only ten minutes. Ten long minutes with Gavin's hand wrapped around his and Gavin's light laughter and stories filling the silence.
It was like every other Friday night, but Michael still had a weird feeling.
"Tomorrow we have lunch with Geoff and Griffon right?" Gavin asked when they reached their room. He was fumbling through his keys, holding different ones up to see better in the dimly lit hallway when Michael took them from his hands and unlocked the door himself.
"Yeah, one o'clock, don't be late again," he said over his shoulder, taking his jacket off and walking to his dresser.
"I've only been late a few times,"
"Every time,"
"Not uh,"
"Yeah uh," Michael teased.
"Whatever," Gavin huffed behind him.
Michael rolled his eyes but didn't turn around, choosing instead to continue his quest for a t-shirt.
"Thanks for tonight by the way,"
"It's not a problem Gavin, but one day you're gonna have to learn how to say no and tell people to fuck off,"
"Why would I do that when I have you?"
"The school year ends in a month Gav, that's a whole summer without me,"
"Hey Michael,"
"Yeah?" he finally turned around from his dresser to find Gavin wearing only his boxers on his bed, sly smile on his face.
"You wanna argue with me or do you wanna fuck me?”
And there it was.
Michael’s favorite part about these nights where Gavin needed him to get out of a situation.
He couldn’t help the grin that broke out across his face as he dropped the shirt in his hand back into the drawer and reached for his belt.
“You seem to doubt my ability to do both,” he teased. Gavin just rolled his eyes and laid back on the bed.
---
It started after winter break in freshmen year. Gavin had been acting… strange since they came back. He watched Michael with narrow, calculating eyes. He sat a little closer to him in the booth at the bar and he talked a little quieter.
Then one night he took off as soon as they walked in the room, talking to some cute girl in a tiny black dress.
Michael didn’t pay them much attention, Gavin was a flirt and watching him work his magic hurt. Instead he focused on watching his friends attempt to dance to catchy pop songs and not looking too suspicious so no one came to talk to him about his ID that was clearly fake and yet still got him inside.
He had heard Gavin’s laughter from across the room and looked up to see the girl smiling widely and Gavin’s head thrown back. They seemed to be hitting it off, but before Michael looked away Gavin’s head was coming back down but he wasn’t looking at the girl anymore, he was looking at Michael. And the wild grin on his face was being replaced by something softer again.
He tried to look away but then Gavin was walking away from her without another word and sitting on Michael's lap.
On his fucking lap.
He said something but Michael couldn't hear him over the loud music and the pounding of his heart from such close proximity.
Gavin had waved his hand in front of his face and said his name a few times and finally Michael looked at him and asked him to repeat himself only to fall back into a daze when his best friend, Gavin Free told him to kiss him.
He couldn't be hearing that right, right? They didn't do that. They weren't like that, they were just roommates, best friends, Gavin slept with everyone but him so what the hell was he playing at?
"Kiss me Michael, like you mean it," he whispered moving closer.
Michael couldn't move away, wouldn't. If Gavin wanted him to kiss him then obviously he would but he needed some time to process first.
And then Gavin was kissing him and it was amazing. His hands were planted firmly on Michael's shoulders, fingers slipping under the edge of his t-shirt to touch his skin.
Michael went on autopilot, hands dropping to Gavin's hips, mouth moving feverishly over the other boy's.
Did he worry about what would happen in the morning? Absolutely. Did he fully care right now? Not really. This was something he had wanted for so long and it was finally happening. It might never happen again so he had to enjoy it now. Maybe they wouldn't even remember it in the morning... Maybe they would talk about it because this definitely felt like something was changing between them.
They kissed until their mouths were sore and they were making people around them uncomfortable but Michael just didn't care. Gavin was in his lap kissing him breathless and moving against him, hips and chest and hands, there was too much going on to care.
And then Gavin was kissing his way up Michael's cheek towards his ear to whisper that maybe they should walk back to their dorm before they got banned from the bar from their very public display.
The walk back was shorter than usual, mainly because Gavin was practically jogging towards campus, hand wrapped tightly around Michael's and every few moments he'd turn around to smile manically and giggle. Michael didn't blame him though, he was pretty giddy himself. He was going to have sex with Gavin Free and maybe if they could remember it in the morning they could talk about it.
Obviously this was something more than a one night stand, Michael knew that. Gavin didn't hook up with friends. And with the looks and touches since vacation ended this must've been what it was leading up to.
They crashed into their dorm room, pushing each other against flat surfaces so they could properly remove clothes and feel skin. Gavin was working frantically to remove his clothes but he couldn't stop pausing so he could look at Michael's pale skin and touch it before moving on again and again and again. Michael knew Gavin's usual patterns, knew how long it usually took before he was allowed back in his room after Gavin brought someone back, and this was definitely exceeding the usual limit of a hook up.
They had seen each other shirtless plenty, had seen each other in nothing but boxers almost daily and yet it felt completely different like this, being able to touch, to feel. Gavin was certainly taking his time, not making any move towards the bed until they were both completely naked and had looked at everything a few times over.
He could remember it feeling weird being in Gavin's bed like this, not just sitting down to get a better view of the TV while they watched movies or when they studied for finals. He was actually under the covers and when it was all over he didn't even bother walking the three steps to his bed, it probably would've been awkward and Gavin was laying on the outside, pressing Michael against the wall so really he thought it was fine.
Only, he woke up to an empty bed, a cold one, and Gavin was nowhere to be seen.
If he wasn't still naked in a different bed he probably would've thought it was a dream after all.
He didn't see Gavin all day and he didn't get an answer on his phone calls or texts either and when he finally got back from dinner with Jeremy and Jack he found that there was a sock on the door, one of his own and he knew if he stepped closer he'd hear everything.
Instead he turned and walked right out of the dorm building towards Tuckerman where Jeremy lived so he could pass out on the floor and gather his thoughts.
Maybe it was childish to think that it meant something more, but... didn't it?
Really he shouldn't've expected Gavin to change his ways, especially when they were so young and stupid, but dammit, he did.
And then he woke up the next day for class and saw that his phone had several missed texts from Gavin asking why he didn't come back, was he okay, where was he? And really he was pissed off. Gavin shouldn't be allowed to do that, sleep around and not make things clear because this was Michael, his best friend, he should've communicated with him if he was planning on ruining their friendship for a quick lay.
He considered skipping classes and storming into their room to tell Gavin off, but Jeremy was the one who very calmly mentioned that 'Friends with benefits are a thing that exist Michael.' So then he was tasked with a difficult choice. Keep his mouth shut and just see where it took him, or he could blow up and possibly ruin things himself because maybe Gavin just expected him to know? Maybe he thought Michael would be fine with it... Maybe he didn't remember.
Michael didn't wanna think about that.
So he went to class and after he went back to his dorm and laid in bed until Gavin came back and asked if he wanted to go to the bar and soon he was chatting up the bartender again and then when the night was winding down and they had to head back so they could survive class the next day Gavin was sliding into the booth with him and leaning over to press his lips to Michael's ear and asking if he wanted to go for round two and Michael figured, this was a thing they did now. It probably would've been more awkward if he said no. So really the only answer he could give was, 'Sure.'
And then it was a regular thing and Michael was so gone for him he never said anything. He was just glad that he could have him in anyway and really that was enough for him, it kinda had to be.
And they never talked about it outside of the moment and to be honest Michael was kind of glad about that, there was never that awkward 'I'm trying to act like everything is okay while my heart is breaking' conversation.
Sometimes Michael wondered what would've happened if he did come clean. Would Gavin had laughed at him and told him they could never do it again, or would he have said thank god and never looked at another person again?
He figured it didn't really matter, he still got to go home to Gavin every night and Gavin always woke him up in the morning for class and they ate lunch together every day between classes and in town on weekends. It wasn't so hard to pretend and really everyone on campus thought they were together from how close they were anyway so maybe Michael just didn't have to shut them down anymore, maybe Gavin didn't either.
It wasn't like he was completely in the wrong though, Gavin was using him to fill an empty bed most nights, so it should be fair that Michael was using him to fill an empty space in his heart every day.
Equal crimes really.
---
Michael was pretty used to the looks now. The tilted head, narrow eyes and mouth pressed in a firm line looks. He got them every time he saw one of his friends after having sex with Gavin.
“You fucked him again?” Geoff actually had the decency to sound surprised instead of just disappointed.
“Obviously,”
“What happened to never again?” Griffon asked, reaching for her milkshake and taking a long sip, eyes never leaving Michael.
“It’s Gavin,” he shrugged.
“Exactly, tell that British shit to fuck off,”
“I can’t Geoff,”
“You absolutely can,” Griffon cut in. “I tell Geoff off everyday and I still love him,” she finished with a bat of the eyes at Geoff who just rolled his.
“Look dude, we care about you and eventually you’re gonna lose your mind,”
“I’ll be fine,”
“Michael, you’re in love with your best friend who uses you when he’s lonely or the person he’s supposed to hook up with gets too weird,” Griffon snapped. “Sorry,” she added when Michael winced, but all he could do was shrug because she was kind of right.
“I’m not in love with him. And to be fair, I don’t mind. I get to pretend for a little bit,” he knew it didn’t really make things better, probably made them worse.
“That’s not fair to you Michael,”
“It’s fine,” he snapped. He had heard this argument since he and Gavin started sleeping together back in freshmen year and it really did get annoying. Like damn, why couldn’t they just let him live his life?
“What are you gonna do this summer?”
“Same thing I did last summer, text him every day and wait until school starts again,” at least he wasn’t lying.
“That’s no way to live your life,”
“Yeah, what happens when we graduate and he goes home?”
“I’m pretty sure he’s gonna stick around,”
“And if he doesn’t?” Griffon asked. Michael opened his mouth to answer when a British voice cut in.
"Sorry I'm late," he pulled the chair next to Michael out and slid in. He reached for one of the redhead's fries and took a bite before looking into the annoyed eyes of Griffon.
"Again," Michael added.
"I'm a busy man," he shrugged. "Now, what are we talking about?" he asked looking across the table at Geoff and Griffon who both looked at Michael with wide eyes.
"The end of the school year," Michael said nonchalantly. "We're discussing what we're all gonna do,"
"Oh? And what are you gonna do boi?"
"I think I'm gonna try and get a job, work most of it to save up for next years books and shit," Michael shrugged. "What about you?"
"I don't really know yet, I was thinking I'd use my last summer before I'm officially an adult to travel,"
"Gavin, you're twenty-one, you're already an adult,"
"Yeah, but I'm still in college so I'm like half. When we graduate next year we become full adults,"
"You're a fucking moron,"
"It makes sense,"
"It really doesn't,"
"Whatever, I'm gonna travel, go to some new states and stuff,"
"Where would you go?"
"I don't know yet, maybe New York, California, New Jersey..." he trailed off, very pointedly ignoring Michael's shocked face.
They never hung out between school years, mainly because Gavin usually went back to England and Michael went home and they had different lives there. But the possibility of Gavin actually going to Michael's home state, maybe even hometown to visit during the summer had something weird stirring in Michael's chest.
"Really?"
"Yeah, why not?"
"I don't know, you've just never mentioned this before,"
"Next year we graduate Michael, I wanna see the world before then,"
"Yeah but-"
"Why are you so afraid Michael? Are you hiding a secret double life back home from me?"
"Of course not, it's just-"
"It's just a thought, you don't have to shut it down so hard. If you don't wanna see me, I don't have to come," to someone that hadn't lived with Gavin for the past three school years, he probably sounded completely fine, maybe even a little teasing, but Michael knew him better. He knew that he was actually a little pissed off, maybe a little sad, and Michael couldn't have that.
"God no Gavin, it's not that. I'm just excited is all," he added, reaching out to place his hand on Gavin's arm.
"Good because you're gonna have to show me around,"
"As long as you give me a few weeks notice so I can prepare," Michael smiled. He turned back and saw the disbelieving looks on Geoff and Griffon's faces and shrugged.
They didn't get it. They fell in love back in high school and had been together ever since, had planned their lives out together and were actually following through. Michael however didn't really have that. His high school girlfriend broke up with him on graduation day because they were going to different colleges and she didn't wanna do long distance. Gavin was fresh and exciting, bright and loud and Michael admired him, cared about him, and hanging out with him during the summer where Michael usually just pined for him and planned things they could do in the first few weeks of the new school year sounded amazing.
"I can finally meet your mum Michael!" Gavin said excitedly.
Michael just raised a brow and shook his head but his heart did pick up speed and his cheeks were hot.
"Wow," Geoff deadpanned, picking up and french fry and popping it in his mouth.
"What's up Geoffrey?"
"Nothing," he shook his head. He shot one last look at Michael before he changed the subject to their upcoming finals. Michael was glad for the new topic but he couldn't avoid the concerned glances he was getting from Griffon so after a few moments he excused himself to the bathroom.
He paced the small room for a bit before he stopped himself at the sink to splash cool water on his face and breathe.
He had that weird feeling again. He should've been ecstatic, he and Gavin had sex the night before, and it was pretty amazing if he did say so himself, and Gavin was thinking about visiting him during the summer, meeting his mother! But for some reason he couldn't shake what Geoff and Griffon had said earlier. Gavin was using him, but Michael kind of was too, so did that make it okay? Or did it make it worse? He couldn't really tell anymore.
The door opened behind him and he looked into the reflection of the mirror to see Gavin step in and tilt his head at him.
"Are you okay boi?"
"Yeah, why?"
"You've been in here for five minutes,"
Michael's eyes widened, but he just pushed himself away from the sink and made for the door. "Lost track of time," he said in passing but Gavin's hand shot out and landed on his chest.
"Geoff and Griffon are acting weird," he said suspiciously.
"They're always weird,"
"I guess, but-"
"Finals are coming up Gav, it's probably just stress. Or maybe irritation at you being late again,"
"I was busy!"
"A huh," Michael smiled, reaching out to mess up Gavin's hair.
Gavin squawked and swatted at him. Michael just moved around him to pull the door open and lead the way back to the table where their friends were waiting.
---
Studying was not going well for Michael. He had been staring at the same page for the last two hours while everyone worked around him, moving to different parts of the room to talk to different people about their weakest and best subjects. He really hated their group study sessions.
There were too many voices in such a small space, Michael was running on two hours of sleep and four coffees, two Redbulls and blind faith, and Gavin was sitting too close.
"I'm just gonna drop out," Gavin declared pushing his book on the ground.
"Two weeks from summer? I don't think so," Griffon rolled her eyes.
"Just you wait!" Gavin argued. Everyone looked up from their papers and books, waiting for something to take place, looking for literally anything that could be more entertaining than studying.
"Gavin, shut up and study," Jack rolled his eyes.
"I can't, I've been looking at the same page for thirty minutes,"
"Then start absorbing shit,"
"I can't!" he whined flopping back on Jeremy's bed. Everyone looked at Michael then because they made the damn rule when they all arrived that if you were gonna be there you were gonna study. No breaks, no chit chat, just work and as Michael was Gavin's roommate he somehow became responsible for the idiot's actions.
"Come on," he sighed.
"What?" Gavin looked up, peeking one eye open.
"You haven't eaten dinner yet have you?" he asked.
"Nope,"
"Then let's grab pizza, you'll just get bitchier from here,"
"I'm not being bitchy,"
"Yes you are, come on boi," he reached out a hand, half expecting Gavin to slap it away, but was relieved when Gavin took it and let himself be pulled off the bed.
"We'll see you guys tomorrow," Michael announced, grabbing both of their bags and heading for the door.
Everyone else just rolled their eyes and called out their goodbyes but were quick to turn back to their studies and Michael didn't blame them. In fact he envied them, he was on the edge of failing one of his English classes but here he was, babysitting again.
They left Jeremy's room and walked out of the dorm building towards the parking lot where the Munchie Truck sat and unsurprisingly there was a line.
"Thanks boi," Gavin said when they joined the queue.
"No problem,"
"I just really don't like being in such small places with that many people,"
"I know Gavin,"
"Hey, let's go somewhere,"
Michael raised a brow and turned to the other boy. "Where?"
"The beach,"
"Gavin, it's over an hour away,"
"I know but... we haven't been in a while and it'll be fun,"
"We really should study Gavin,"
"We have another week before finals actually start," he pouted. Michael was so close to saying no but because he was weak when it came to Gavin and his stupid face he sighed and said okay.
"Let's grab some food and then we'll go,"
"Yay!" Gavin squealed, ignoring the strange looks he received from overtired and starving students around them. Instead he leaned in to kiss Michael on the cheek firmly before going back to look at the menu on the side of the truck. Michael however was unable to focus on anything other than the burning in his face and the smile fighting to break out.
Soon they were both holding plates of pizza and making their way to Michael's small black car, full of garbage and old textbooks.
They sat in the front with the radio playing quietly while they ate, mindless chatter about their finals filling the spaces when they weren't chewing.
"Want me to take your trash?" Gavin asked, holding his hand out for a plate but Michael just shook his head and grabbed the other boy's, putting it in the backseat and reaching for his seat belt.
"It's fine, we should get going if we wanna be back in time to actually get some sleep,"
Gavin just nodded and sat back, rolling his window down and letting a happy sigh pass his lips.
"What are you gonna do after we graduate boi?"
"I don't know yet, probably get a job," he shrugged.
"No, I mean, are you gonna go back to Jersey? Or are you gonna move here?"
"I think I might stay here," he hadn't talked to his parents about it yet, but he quite liked Texas, wasn't really ready to give it up just yet, even if he did have another year of school first. "What about you? he asked, careful not to take his eyes off the road.
"I think I might try to move here too,"
"Really? You don't wanna go back to England with your shiny degree?"
"Not really," he shrugged.
"Well, you've still got time to think about it. You don't have to go all in just yet,"
"Michael, if I moved here would you wanna live together?"
Thank God for red lights because they gave Michael the chance to look over at Gavin to see him staring out the window, very pointedly avoiding eye contact. He actually looked a little nervous.
Michael tried to ignore the happy flutter in his chest because, living with Gavin, year round, not for school? That actually sounded kind of nice.
"Don't sound so excited," Gavin mumbled and Michael almost laughed.
"No Gavin, I think it would be cool," he smiled but Gavin wasn't looking at him, too busy biting his lip and staring at the passing street lights. "As long as I get the bigger bedroom,"
"What? No way,"
"I'm older,"
"It was my idea," Gavin pouted, crossing his arms over his chest. Michael had the sudden urge to ruffle his hair and comment on how childish he looked but he didn’t wanna risk actually pissing him off.
"We'll talk about it more when we start looking," he settled on.
"It probably doesn't actually matter anyway," Gavin said finally, voice a little higher than usual.
"And why's that?"
"We'll end up in the same room most of the time anyway," by the tone of his voice Michael knew if he was looking at him Gavin probably would've winked.
Michael had to look away from the road then to do a double take because did Gavin actually just say that? They didn't really talk about their times together other than in the moment, it would've made things too awkward, but again Michael had that weird little feeling in his chest and his face no doubt was turning red.
"You're probably right," he tried to sound nonchalant but he heard the waver in his voice and cursed himself.
Things got quiet then, but Michael didn't feel awkward about it, in fact, he felt pretty comfortable with it, and it seemed Gavin did too if the small smile on his face was anything to go by. To be fair, they were just stating facts, but still, the thought that their little college affairs might continue afterwards was a little exciting.
He looked over at Gavin and found that the other was lying with his head back, eyes closed and fingers tapping to the music playing quietly. Michael reached over to turn it up and focused back on the road.
The peace and quiet didn’t last long though because soon Gavin was leaning over and resting his head on Michael’s shoulder, asking every two minutes how much longer they had.
“Gavin, shut the fuck up,” Michael rolled his eyes, pushing the Brit’s head off of him. “We’ll be there soon,”
“But Michael, I wanna be there now,”
“I can’t teleport Gavin, I told you it was a long drive,”
Gavin just gave a huff and crossed his arms.
Soon they could smell the salt in the air and if they turned the music down they could’ve heard the waves crashing on shore and thank God for that because Michael didn’t know how much longer he could put up with Gavin pouting.
“Here,” he pulled over and put the car in park, getting out before Gavin could say anything.
They walked down onto the sand where they took their shoes off and sat down, letting out long sighs and flopping onto their backs..
“Thanks Michael,”
“No problem brat,”
“I’m not a brat!”
“Gavin, you bitched the whole way,”
“Not the entire way,”
“Most of it,”
“Not true,”
“Whatever Gavin, just shut up and enjoy it,”
He was surprised when Gavin actually did as told, stretching out and closing his eyes to just enjoy the moment. He even let himself relax, choosing not to worry about finals or summer or anything and soon he was drifting off to sleep.
Until Gavin turned on his side and laid his head on Michael’s chest, making the redhead freeze. “Michael?”
“Y-yeah,” he sucked in a breath. Gavin had his thoughtful voice going again.
“Have you ever been to the Grand Canyon?”
“I’m not driving you to the Grand Canyon right now Gav,”
“No you dope. We should go this summer though,”
“What’s going on with you? Making all these future plans?”
“I miss you in the summer Michael,”
“You do?” he felt embarrassed asking, face hot, but Gavin nodded against his chest and his heart picked up speed.
“I do, I wanna see you more,”
“Okay Gavin,”
“Really?”
“We’ll see,” he tried to shrug but found it hard to move until Gavin was suddenly sitting up and looking down at him with a wicked grin. “Uh oh,”
“Hey Michael, have you ever had sex on a beach?”
Michael just rolled his eyes and opened his mouth to say something witty when Gavin’s hand came to rest on his chest, right over his heart. “No I haven’t,”
“Do you want to?”
This wasn’t normal. They didn’t just sleep together whenever. They had a system. Why was Gavin ruining it? They weren’t drunk and there were no other guys around, no one that Michael had to send away. He felt hot all over, tingly, and just when he thought he could control himself Gavin was leaning down and pressing a kiss to the corner of his mouth.
“Sure,” he choked out.
They worked quickly to discard their clothes and get right to it but the entire time Michael’s mind was elsewhere. What the hell was going on with Gavin lately? He was acting completely different and Michael didn’t know if it was just because the school year was ending or if it was something else.
He decided to ignore it for now because Gavin Free was on top of him doing that thing with his tongue he knew Michael loved and surely that must’ve meant he wasn’t completely different.
It was enough for now.
---
Michael found that he actually kind of liked when Gavin didn't run off to chat up random guys as soon as they walked into a bar or club. He actually kind of liked when he joined everyone else at the table, ordering drinks and talking about whatever came to their drunk minds. And he really liked when Gavin would lean close to be heard over the music and whisper in Michael's ear. Usually it was just to ask if he needed another drink, but still. Gavin's smell was intoxicating enough that Michael nearly turned him down before he remembered that vodka was fucking delicious.
"I'll grab us another round," Geoff announced, pushing his chair back and standing up.
"Why are we drinking so much anyway?" Trevor asked, setting his now empty glass down.
Michael had been wondering that too actually. They had been there for two hours and there really wasn't five minutes that they didn't have some alcoholic drink in front of them.
"We have finals in three days and we're gonna be miserable,"
"Speaking of, we really should've been studying tonight," Ryan spoke up, but everyone chose to ignore him. He did have a point though, they should've been hitting the books because they would all regret this when they were sitting in their chairs in a silent classroom with test booklets in front of them. He could picture himself now, a sweating mess with shaking hands and mentally cursing all of his friends for giving him a good night of distractions.
"So we need to get hammered tonight, sleep it off tomorrow and then we can study on Sunday and prepare for the end of times!" Geoff said, earning cheers from Jeremy and Jack and eye rolls from everyone else.
Michael shook his head and took a sip from his beer when Gavin's hand dropped down on his arm and he leaned close again.
"Wanna grab dinner tomorrow night?"
Michael had to blink a few times and tilt his head to make sure he heard right, of course they would be having dinner together tomorrow night, they always spent their Saturday nights together, but why was Gavin asking?
"Obviously, pizza?"
"I was thinking maybe we could go out," Gavin said casually.
"Should we ask the others?"
"No, I mean... just us,"
"Oh," Michael's face was getting warm. "Yeah, sure," he looked away and brought his beer back to his lips.
"Great!" Gavin said a bit too loudly, earning glances from their friends but soon Geoff was back with their drinks and they were all holding them up to tap together again. "Let's dance!" Gavin declared when he was done, setting his empty glass back on the table and tugging at Michael's shirt sleeve.
"I don't dance Gavin,"
"You do tonight,"
Everyone was watching Michael curiously, waiting to see if he would actually stand his ground, but he knew that they all knew he was defenseless when it came to Gavin.
He let himself be pulled up and dragged onto the dance floor where Gavin spun around and pressed his back to Michael's front. After a few moments of standing still the other boy reached back for Michael's hands and placed them on his hips, rocking slightly to the beat.
Michael's eyes widened, he had seen people dance like this plenty but he had never done it himself.
"Move Michael," Gavin laughed, pushing his backside harder against Michael's crotch.
Michael took a deep breath and tightened his grip on Gavin before he slowly started swaying back and forth, letting Gavin do most of the work.
As dirty as it might've looked to their friends and anyone else watching, it was pretty innocent. The couples around them were practically fucking while they were just moving around, not really panting and moaning.
And then Gavin decided to reach back and tangle his hands in Michael's hair, pulling his face down to his neck. Michael really should've been embarrassed at how red his face was and how noticeably excited he was getting, but instead he just accepted the invitation and brought his lips to the other boy’s soft skin, kissing his way down his neck to his shoulder.
Gavin's hands wrapped around his, linking their finger together on his hips and squeezing.
This was definitely a level of intimacy they had never been to, which really should've been weird considering how far they had gone before, but dancing like this? Dancing at all, was something they didn’t do and for some reason Michael found that he liked how this felt, new and almost like it was forbidden, like it would make things weird in the morning.
Before he could blink Gavin's was spinning around and bringing his lips to Michael's, kissing him in the middle of the dance floor without a care in the world and Michael's heart started beating too fast, like it was trying to escape his chest and meet Gavin's.
"I'm going to get a drink," Gavin announced, pulling his lips from Michael's with a soft pop.
Michael rolled his eyes and let Gavin go with a smirk, this was definitely going to be a good night. Different, and maybe a little confusing, but Michael didn't mind.
Since their night at the beach Gavin had been acting weird, touching Michael a little more, a little longer, gaze lingering just a bit, voice softer when they were alone. That weird feeling he had been getting when he was with Gavin had just become his new normal.
When Gavin came back it was without a drink and instead he was holding both of their jackets.
“Where’s your drink?”
“I changed my mind, I wanna go home,” he batted his lashes innocently.
"Really?" Michael asked, turning back to their table to see all of their friends watching them in amusement.
"Mhm,"
"Okay," Michael must've sounded like an idiot, an unsure moron and soon Gavin was laughing and tugging on his hand, leading him to the door. He just went after him and tried to ignore his friends cheering and sighing behind them. They all knew he’d follow Gavin into a pit of fire if he held Michael’s hand on the way.
---
Different was beginning to describe Michael’s life.
Between studying and hanging out with their friends Gavin and Michael were mainly locked up in their dorm room to watch movies and relax because finals week was the absolute worst time of the year and any minute that Michael could spend staring aimlessly at the wall was a great minute.
He was in the middle of one of those great minutes when Gavin rolled off of his bed and stalked over to Michael's. He didn't say a word as he flopped down onto the other boy, letting out a little groan from his not so soft landing.
Michael knew he was probably bored, wanted to hang out or get drunk or watch a movie but his brain was fried. He had been staring at books and notes and documents for hours and as studying normally went when they were with their friends, cramped in small dorm room on two beds and a small floor space, there were arguments, this time there were even frustrated tears and exhausted tears and Michael thought multiple times about dropping out and hiding under a blanket for the rest of his life because this shouldn't be so hard. They were in these classes for months, did plenty of homework and tests and quizzes, why was it so hard now?
He was happy to be back in his bed and now Gavin was on top of him, heavy and fully clothed and Michael really wasn't in the mood for this kind of thing.
"Gavin, off,"
"I'm tired," he mumbled, burying his face in Michael's neck, hair tickling his chin.
"Your bed's over there," Michael whined, wiggling under the other boy but he didn't budge.
"I wanna sleep with you,"
"Gavin, I'm not in the mood right now,"
"No Michael, I wanna sleep with you,"
" Sleep ?"
"Sleep,"
"Just sleep?"
"Yes, Michael,"
"Uh... okay?"
This was different. They didn't sleep together without sleeping together first.
"Can I?"
"I mean yeah, turn the air conditioner on first though,"
Gavin let out a happy little coo and rolled off the bed, hitting the button on the AC and practically jumping back on the bed where Michael pushed himself flush against the wall to make room. They curled up under the covers on their sides so it wasn't so uncomfortable but Michael found that all he could do was stare at Gavin who, for someone who was apparently exhausted, was looking right at him, blinking every few minutes but making no sounds or movements.
"Hey," he said lamely. Gavin gave him a lazy smile and moved closer, so close that their noses were touching just barely on the pillow they were sharing. "Go to sleep," he laughed when Gavin shook his head to give him an Eskimo kiss.
"Michael, will you be the big spoon?"
"Aren't I always?"
They didn't do this. They didn't talk about their cuddling while they did it. They didn't really just cuddle either. It was always a 'I'm too tired to go back to my bed but it's awkward if I don't touch you so I'm gonna cuddle with you' kind of thing.
Gavin turned around and backed up to him, reaching behind him to grab Michael's arm and bring it around him before he could. He let out a content sigh and soon his breathing was evening out and Michael's body finally caught up with his tired mind and he was drifting off right after.
He woke up in the middle of the night to Gavin shutting the door quietly to their room and creeping back into the room. Michael assumed he had just gone to the bathroom and would be going back to his bed for the night but instead he walked right back to Michael's and crawled in, laying down on Michael's chest and putting his hand over Michael's heart.
This was so unusual and really Michael should've said something, something stupid and funny that would startle Gavin but when Gavin started tracing nonsensical patterns on Michael's skin he stayed quiet. These moments didn't happen often, when Gavin was completely calm, nearly in a trance and Michael didn't wanna disrupt that. He knew how the other got during finals week, he would stress and stress and then when things were said and done he'd go all out at the bar and try to drink enough to forget what his name was and then the day before they left for break he would admit to Michael that he was actually extremely tired and couldn't wait to just pass out for a week.
Then Michael felt the lightest brush of lips on his shoulder, working their way up to his neck where they stayed for a while, just a soft press against his skin. He tried not to make any noise, but then Gavin got more adventurous, open mouthed kisses working up his neck and stopping on his cheek where he started laughing.
"I know you're awake Michael," Michael barely knew he was awake, how the fuck did Gavin know?
"No I'm not," he said immediately.
"You weren't snoring anymore,"
"I never snore,"
"Michael, you snore all the time, it's annoying,"
"Well excuse me," he reached up to mess up Gavin's hair and instead of the usual squawk and swat he got from the other boy he just nuzzled closer before pressing another kiss to Michael's cheek. Michael turned to look at him and found that he didn't look sleepy anymore, he looked completely awake now and he was looking at Michael like he was something amazing, sacred. He could feel his cheeks heating up.
He moved forward and kissed Gavin then because staring at him was too weird and going back to sleep sounded stupid. Gavin kissed back eagerly, hand moving to rest on Michael's hip and pull him so he rolled off of his back and onto his side for better access.
It was like their first time all over again, dark room except for the street light outside their room giving an ugly yellowish orange glow to the center of the room while they touched and caressed, like it had been years since they had been together like this.
Michael didn't know what was going on anymore, this was too weird, but he liked Gavin when he was like this, gentle and calculating, like every move he made mattered.
They usually moved confidently together after all this time, they knew each other's bodies like the back of their own hands but Michael found that when Gavin was more timid, shier, like he was asking permission with his eyes before he did anything, it was more exciting.
When they had finished and were trying to catch their breath, blanket thrown across the room because it was way too hot, Gavin let out a sigh and reached for Michael's hand, holding it tightly in his own.
"I don't want this year to end,"
"Really?"
"It was a good year, and next year we're gonna graduate,"
"Yeah but-"
"These are the best years of our lives Michael, I don't want them to end,"
"Wasn't that high school?"
"Lies, high school was shit,"
"True,"
"I like now. I like here,"
"Well we have plenty of time still, don't get bent out of shape,"
"I guess," he breathed.
"Come on, go to sleep, we've got shit to do in the morning,"
"I know,"
"It'll be okay, we can talk about it later if you want?"
"No, it's fine," he smiled. He moved forward to kiss Michael again, pulling off slowly before he turned back over to go back to sleep and Michael found that he actually really agreed with Gavin.
He liked now too. He liked here more than he liked anywhere else and graduation would surely ruin that, but he also knew that he was right too. They had time.
---
Michael was not fucking impressed.
They should've been celebrating, they were done with finals, they had just finished packing their rooms up and tomorrow they would be going home, but instead of having a good time Michael couldn't stop himself from glaring daggers at the back of Gavin's head.
As soon as they had walked in he had stationed himself alone by the bar and started chatting up the cute guy working until another guy approached and he could switch his sights.
The last week or so had been great. They had spent nearly every day together and Michael had thought that…
It was probably his fault for getting his hopes up again. Gavin never fucking changed.
But he was acting so weird and- no. He wouldn’t try to find excuses for himself anymore.
His friends had been giving him pitying looks all night and he was close to screaming. Well, really he was close to marching over to Gavin and shaking some sense into him, but instead he just sat back and sipped on his beer, watching Gavin throw his head back and laugh at whatever the black haired moron in front of him was saying.
"You gonna be okay?" Jeremy asked. Michael barely spared him a glance before he rolled his eyes.
"He's such an asshole,"
"I know," Jeremy said apologetically, reaching over to pat Michael on the arm.
"Like, why does he keep pulling this shit?"
"Cause you let him. Sorry," Jeremy added when Michael turned his narrowed gaze on him long enough to make Jeremy squirm.
"Whatever,"
"Maybe you should tell him how you really feel,"
"And ruin three years of friendship?"
"Michael, the school year is over in a week, and then you have three months. Either you'll both get over it or it'll go great,"
"And if it's neither?"
"You still have time to request a new roommate,"
The thought of a new roommate was unpleasant and left a sour taste in Michael's mouth. He and Gavin got each other by chance and it had worked so well that they requested each other every year after but now...
"I don't think I can,"
"Michael, can I say something and not have you get pissed?" Jeremy asked slowly.
"No promises,"
"Okay," Jeremy took a deep breath before he moved closer just to make sure no one else could hear them. "I think you're in love with him, and I think you're secretly hoping that one day he'll stop being the way he is and tell you he loves you back, but... three years is a long time to waste like this and I don't think you should let it continue, and I think you know that,"
Michael did know that. Gavin was really good at pissing people off and then turning it around so you liked him and wanted to hang out with him. He knew how to play people, Michael especially, but that was cause Michael liked him, they were best friends. Was it possible that he had fallen in love with Gavin and let it go on longer than it should've?
Yes.
It was.
And Michael hated himself for not realizing it sooner.
Gavin was a prick, and he was good at getting what he wanted, and what he wanted was someone to play with, and it seemed that that unfortunate person was Michael, and if Michael let it be, it would always be him.
Jeremy was still looking at him, a little worried now because Michael was just staring through him, lost in thought.
"I-"
"Michael!" Gavin's voice cut in. They both turned to see Gavin smiling down at him. He reached down to grab Michael's hand and pull him up like he always did, and Michael went, only, he was a little slower this time, still lost in thought. He looked across the bar and saw the boy Gavin had been talking to looking at them suspiciously. "I need you to-"
"No," the word was out of his mouth before he could blink and Gavin's head tilted to look at him. He didn’t mean to say it so abruptly or harshly, but he didn’t regret it.
"What?"
"No Gavin, not this time,"
"Uh, okay, but would you at least tell him-"
"No. I'm not playing your game anymore Gavin," he pulled his arm out of Gavin’s grasp and stood up straighter.
"What's going on Michael?" he looked like he had been slapped.
"I'm not here for your entertainment Gavin," he started, swallowing hard and blinking to fight the mist taking over his vision. He could feel the startled looks from their friends on his back. "I'm not a toy for you to use when you want some excitement. I'm not just gonna be here when it's convenient anymore,"
"Michael," Gavin looked pained, hand outstretched to touch him but Michael took a step back, eyes hard.
"I like you Gavin, I genuinely like you. I love spending time with you and I love being with you, but I can't do this anymore. It's not fair to me. And I know this is partly my fault for not telling you this sooner, for letting you think this was okay, but it’s not. You can’t just treat people like this and get away with it all the time,”
"I'm sorry, I didn't think-"
"No, you never do," he snapped. "I'm gonna go," he looked back at Jeremy and raised a brow. Jeremy just nodded and slid out of his seat.
"You can stay in my room,"
"Michael," Gavin's voice cracked on the word and Michael almost wanted to reach out and grab him but he wouldn't let himself. Instead he turned and walked out, hoping that Jeremy would be quick and follow him out.
He made it outside and to the end of the street before he stopped to let Jeremy catch up. He felt like he was on fire, face red and head dizzy. He couldn’t believe it. He had just told Gavin exactly how he felt and now he felt… great. He felt amazing, free, so good he almost hugged Jeremy who was smiling up at him.
“I’m proud of you,”
“Thanks Lil J,”
“Now what?”
“I’m gonna go to bed, and tomorrow I’m gonna go home,” he shrugged. It felt weird to say. Normally he and Gavin moped around all day and when the time came for them to head to the airport they shared a cab and waited until one of them had to board. They’d share a hug and that would be it, gone for three months. Tomorrow though, Michael was gonna grab his things and go alone, take off without a goodbye because did he really owe Gavin one? He didn’t think so.
“Then that’s what you’ll do,” Jeremy nodded, leading the way back to campus.
---
Working at a gas station would not be Michael's first choice for a summer job, but they were the first ones to get back to him after he submitted his application so why the fuck not?
All he really had to do was stock things and ring people out and in the grand scheme of things it wasn't so bad.
It had been two weeks since the end of the school year and aside from a text message from Gavin the day they left without a goodbye that just said, 'Wow.' things had been quiet.
He missed Gavin, and he still hadn't filled out the roommate request sheet for next year but the deadline was already creeping up and he really didn't know what he wanted to do.
If he roomed with Gavin he'd probably have to pretend that everything was fine so they could be civil, or they just wouldn't speak all year or... what if Gavin had requested someone else?
That thought hadn't crossed Michael's mind yet. What if Gavin was actually pissed off at Michael because of what he had said?
Well who fucking cared, this was all Gavin's fault really, if he was better at telling people how he felt then there would've been no need for him to start using Michael in the first place and none of this would've happened.
He shouldn't have let it happen either though... okay, they were both to blame. Why did Michael have to fall for the one person on campus that was unattainable? Why couldn’t he have resisted Gavin’s charms, said no to that stupid accent and those stupid green eyes.
Eyes that were currently looking at him curiously across the counter. "Michael?" Gavin said waving a hand in front of his face. Jesus he hadn’t even heard the bell ring to signal a customer, much less Gavin fucking Free.
"Gavin? What the hell are you doing here?" he was more shocked than upset, but when Gavin winced and took a step back he realized how he sounded. "Sorry, you just startled me is all,"
"I told you I wanted to travel,"
"I just... I didn't think you'd come here,"
"I told you I was going to meet your mum, lovely woman by the way,"
"You met her?"
"Who do you think told me you'd be here,"
"You were looking for me?"
“I didn’t come to New Jersey for the scenery,”
“I think it’s pretty great,” Michael shrugged. He didn’t really know what to say. He was absolutely not expecting his summer to start off with a visit from Gavin. Gavin who he was convinced hated him now. Gavin who… Michael didn’t really know how he felt about the other boy right now either.
"Michael, you... you said some things that I think we need to talk about,"
"I'm working,"
"I don't see anyone else here," Gavin looked around at the empty store.
“I don’t know if this is a good idea,”
“Talking?”
“Yeah,”
“Well, I think we have to do it before next school year,”
“We’ve got three months,”
“Michael,” he voice was hard, eyes harder and Michael wished he could melt.
"Fine,"
"Look, I just don't- you aren't the only person with things to say on this matter,"
"Oh?"
"I-" he stopped to take a deep breath and start again. "This is my fault. As you know, I'm bad at telling people how I feel and I'm really bad at telling you how I feel,"
"Go on,"
"I- I thought you were the cutest guy I had ever seen when I walked in that first day of freshmen year, and then you ended up being really funny and sweet too and I just... I kinda fell for you,"
"What?" Michael deadpanned. There was no way he was hearing this right, Gavin liked him the whole time?
"I like you too Michael, but I... you didn't seem interested so I thought that maybe I could get you to realize you liked me too if I just kept sleeping with you?” Michael was glad that even Gavin seemed to know that he sounded like a complete idiot. “I tried other stuff! I tried going to lunch and dinner, just us, but you just talked about school and our other friends and at night when we couldn’t sleep I’d try to ask you questions but you just didn’t really seem into it so…”
“So… you used me, made me feel like shit, and made me feel like just a plan B, because you wanted me to like you?”
“I- yes? God, when you say it like that it sounds really bad,”
“It is really bad!””
“I know and I-”
“Like, who even? What? Gavin, that’s not how people do things,”
“I know!” he snapped running his hands through his hair in frustration. “I just… I’m so bad at this,” he paced the small space in front of the counter for a few moments before he stopped and took another deep breath. “I don’t know how to talk to people about emotions, I don’t like doing it,”
“You kind of need to if you wanna make relationships in life,”
“I know that now!”
“You always did pretty well when it was just us,”
“About little things, not my feelings for you,” Gavin wouldn’t look at him for a long time, messing with the gum display in front of him for a few moments before he sighed and looked back at the redhead. “Will you please say something?”
“Gavin, I don’t even know what to think right now,” he did feel kind of bad for Gavin. He had known him for years and he knew how Gavin got when it came to being open and honest but… this was such a mess.
“I know you probably hate me right now, and that’s okay. I kind of expect it but-”
“I don’t hate you, I’m just annoyed, a little amused, mostly annoyed,” he wasn’t lying. Leave it to his fucking life to be this stupid. Like, why couldn’t he have fallen for the one person in the world that was good at talking to people.
“Amused?”
“We’ve been after each other for three years and had no idea,”
“It… it is kind of funny right?”
“It’s really funny Gavin,” he tried to sound serious but the small smile fighting to make it’s way onto Gavin’s face nearly had Michael doubling over in laughter. “Jesus, how did you think ‘I’m gonna sleep with everyone and sometimes you when no one better is around because I’m actually in love with you’ sounded romantic?”
“God! I don’t know! I just thought you’d make the first move eventually and I could say ‘Thank God’,”
“Fuck Gavin,”
“I know,”
“You’re so stupid,”
“I know,”
“I can’t believe it,”
They were quiet for a while, smiling dumbly at each other with red faces and Michael really didn’t know how this was his life. This was so fucking stupid but he couldn’t help but find the humor in it because if he had just talked to Gavin from the start maybe none of this would’ve happened. They’d probably be near married by now.
“So…” Gavin said slowly.
“How long are you here?” Michael laughed.
“As long as you want me to be?” Gavin sounded unsure, maybe a little hopeful.
“The whole summer then?” Michael smirked.
“I- how can you be so calm right now, I’m freaking out,”
“Cause if I’m not calm I’d probably start flipping display cases,” that was true too. He wasn’t over it by any means, but if he really wanted to think this through, make it work, he was gonna have to just ignore the anger coursing through him and try to keep a clear head.
“Fair enough,”
“Look, just… there’s a park across the street, wait there for me. I’ll be out in like an hour,”
“Okay,” Gavin nodded excitedly. He turned to the door before he stopped and looked back at Michael. “I’m seriously sorry,”
“I know I know, now go before I get fired,”
“Okay,” Gavin was gone a moment later, bell on the door ringing gently.
As soon as Michael wasn’t under video surveillance he was going to punch Gavin in the face, and then they were going to really talk this out because Michael didn’t want it to be such a confusing mess anymore. Then they were going to go back to Michael’s house where Michael could fill out the roommate request sheet and send it in and then Michael was going to kiss the shit outta him because he was a fucking moron and he loved him.