effusive (is that the word?)

by watfordbird33

Summary:

Simon sends a text to a stranger almost as posh as his "unsufferable" roommate Baz.

But of course the stranger's not Baz.

After all, Simon would never fall in love with Baz.

...

Notes:

Warnings for language, crude humor, bad life decisions (don't talk to strangers, guys).

Will be updated when I want to/when I can.

Chapter 1: smthing posh and ahsurd

{8:01 p.m.}

penny im laughing so hard help me please

u dont even know

baz just

fuckin tripped on the threshold

like yes pls

wish id had a camera cuz it was PRICEless

 

{10:11 p.m.}

Excuse me. I think you have the wrong number.

whooooooooooooooooooops sorryyyyy

 

{10:23 p.m.}

whered u go stranger

stranger

stranger

stranger

personnnnnn

I was under the impression that this conversation wasn’t going to continue.

idk man im

effusive

is that the word

I wouldnt know i failed third grade

i think im drunk

but like, sleep drunk

wanna chat

Goodbye.

woah rude

woah

 

{11:03 p.m.}

…*Whoa.

STRANGER

ILY U RESPONDED

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

 

{11:42 p.m.}

leaivngm me on read okayyyy

weigh to e a good furedn

Are you drunk?

UYORE ACK

BACK****

NO

NOT DRUNK

WHATS UR NAME

I’m not entirely sure why I haven’t blocked you yet.

I still could.

I BET ITS SMTHING POSH AND AHSURD

*ABSURD

MY ROOMMATES NAME IS BAZ CAN U BELIEVE IT

LIKE

UNSUFFERABLE ASSHOLE RICH GIT MUCH

 

{12:00 a.m.}

Stereotypical assumptions much?

i mean he /iS/ an unsufferable asshle rich git

& its okay hes not here hes out somewhr idek

he cant read my hate speak over my shoulder

damn i h8 that guy

*Insufferable.

Goodnight.

tell me ur name b4 you go

Fuck off. Thanks.

 

{6:11 a.m.}

at least u said thanks

wicked sleep-hangover btw

and good morning

baz the asshole still isnt back so i can bitch abt him

because

he left shaving cream

all over the counter

and the toilet seat

and like, everywhere

and when i got up approximately .3 seconds ago to shit

i didnt turn on the light

 

{6:30 a.m.}

i have

shaving cream

up

my

asscrack

 

{7:03 a.m.}

stranger where r u

i miss u

its boring w/o baz

i think my babe pennys coming over later

penny is

the bomb.

diggity.

dammit ur absurd punctuation is rubbing off on me

;)

;)

rubbing

ahahahaahaha

the word “rubbing” is such a winky word

 

{8:00 a.m.}

i hope baz got laid

he needs it

 

{9:14 a.m.}

It sounds like you’re giving this Baz a pretty hard time.

STRANGER!!!!!!!!!!!!

ngl he deserves it

shaving cream. up. my. asscrack.

I would have liked to see that.

Wait.

That sounded wrong. Please don’t--

youd have liked to see my asscrack?

kiNKY