Nowhere to Put This Great Happiness

by Alsike

Summary:

When ICE come to CatCo and reveal that someone has tipped them off that Kara Danvers is an illegal alien extraterrestrial, there's a scramble to try to figure out how to get Kara a greencard.

Alex would do anything for Kara, has done everything for Kara. But entering into a sham marriage with her to sponsor her immigration petition might be a little too much. Or maybe the problem is that it isn't enough at all.

Notes:

I just wanted to write a fluffy fake marriage AU. And now there is 15k of angst and pain and schmoop and random Krypton headcanons. I also know way more about the immigration process via marriage than I ever thought I would have to. Yay research!

Alex wasn't there when ICE came to CatCo, but she saw Kara after they'd left, seen how drained she looked, how weakened. Alex had put her on the sunbed, even though Kara protested that they'd only talked to her, that it hadn't been anything. But it had been enough to make her look like that. That wasn't nothing.

"Someone at your workplace reported that you showed signs of extraterrestrial origin," the ICE Agent said. "That isn't illegal, however, there's no records of a Kara Danvers applying for citizenship. If you could just show us your papers, we can check them out and resolve this question."

Kara gaped. "I-- What?"

"Do you have immigration papers? What is your planet of origin?"

"I--"

"She wants to speak to her lawyer," Lucy Lane said, cutting off the ICE Agent's words. "And you do not have authorization to be in here. Please leave immediately."

Lucy was kind of terrifying, whether in her lawyer persona or her military one, and she had the full backing of Cat Grant. The Agent was escorted off the premises and the security was alerted that no government agents were to be allowed past the doors.

All in all, it wasn't the worst thing that could have happened. Kara had been outed as an alien, but Kara Danvers hadn't yet been tied to Supergirl. Her secret identity was challenged, but not burned.

It was fine. Kara was fine. They would be fine.

Alex would make certain that everything would be fine.

#

"I am aware, Agent Danvers, that this is, in fact, another of the stupidest things that this new administration has done." J'onn gave her another of his deep frowns. "But I am also aware that if we do not attempt to secure a legal status for your sister within the next thirty days, steps toward deportation will ensue."

Alex rubbed her hands through her hair. It wasn't fair. If it wasn't an alien monster going after Kara, it was human government. She was trying to help. She was always just trying to help, and no one would let her, not even long enough to figure out how to do it properly.

"Adult adoption is a thing, isn't it?"

"Only for legal residents."

"Asylum status?"

"They have never yet granted that to an extraterrestrial. And the status of Krypton is somewhat problematic. They don't have a box for 'my home planet no longer exists'."

"CatCo can sponsor her for employment?"

"Major Lane has informed me that CatCo has a policy of never involving itself in immigration issues below the level of department head. Although Ms. Grant might make an exception in this case, she is currently off the grid, and her temporary replacement, Mr. Carr is unlikely to authorize it."

Alex shut her eyes. "What do you suggest?"

J'onn raised an eyebrow in a suggestion that it should be obvious.

Alex groaned. "No. She's not even dating anyone right now."

"Mr. Olsen is out of the picture?"

"It didn't work out." There'd been a fight after Alex brought Kara down in the pod. James had gone back to Metropolis, and Kara had turned up on Alex's doorstep, shaky and looking lost. Alex had provided ice cream and a comforting arm, and Kara had only cried a little before they settled in to watch movies. Alex had felt a bit guilty that she wasn't unhappy that Kara's relationship had gone kaput, because Kara snuggling up to her on the couch was some of her favorite times. She liked being there for Kara. It would be nice if Kara didn't have to be hurting for her to be able to do it.

"That makes things easier."

"What?"

J'onn looked at her, long and steady. "There's you."

Alex blinked. "What? She's my sister."

"Not according to the legal code of the United States." J'onn reached out and cupped her shoulder. "I know you're not all that eager to date. Kara doesn't have anyone. If anyone could convince a professional that they're married to Kara, it's you. How about it?"

#

Kara was huddled on the couch when Alex got home, looking hangdog, and with only a restrained pile of pizza containers around her.

"This is all my fault," Kara muttered as Alex got herself some tea, dropped a slug of whiskey in it--for the taste--and settled in next to her. Kara placed her head on Alex's shoulder, always gently, and Alex threaded her fingers through her hair. "I was careless with my secret identity. Now you're in danger, and they want to deport me."

"I'm fine," Alex said. "As a secret agent, it takes a lot more than an anonymous tip to ICE to reveal my secret identity. And I am not going to let them deport you."

"How?"

Kara burrowed into her deeper. A pain pulsed in Alex's chest. When they were kids, these embraces were no big deal. Kara would hurl herself into Alex's arms, squeezing tighter than she could with anyone else. Eliza scolded and scolded, but Alex would always crawl into her bed late at night and tell her that she'd be mad if Kara stopped hugging her so tight. She'd be mad if Kara couldn't be herself, even just a little bit. Maybe that meant she'd encouraged Kara to be careless about her powers--careless enough that someone she worked with would notice she wasn't quite normal.

"How do you feel about getting married?"

Kara groaned loudly, pressing her face against Alex's shoulder. "Oh please don't remind me of my other failings. I should be celibate or something. I suck at relationships and people and I am meant to be alone."

"No, you're not." Alex shook her head, grinning to herself. Her baby sister was so dramatic. "It's a silly idea, but J'onn thinks we could pull it off. Get you your green card. Not just get married to any random person, but . . . how about marrying me?"

Kara went strangely still against her. Heavy like a statue, breathless. Suddenly, Alex was all too aware of where Kara's curled fingers lay against Alex's stomach. "You shouldn't have to do that because I made a mistake."

"I don't have to do anything. But I'm not letting you get deported. Commuting from the fortress of solitude is great, until you have to go through customs while people are dying."

"Ughhh." Kara pressed into her again. "Why are people so stupid?"

"Because they're cruel."

Kara lifted her head. "You're not cruel."

That wasn't really true. Alex smiled, though it was wry and weak. "That's because I have you to remind me not to be."

Kara bumped their foreheads together, affection soft in her eyes. "What would we have to do?"

"Not much. I get to move back into my old apartment and get rid of the pottery-barn hell Mom put me in. You put up with me in your bed more nights than usual. We should probably get a joint bank account." Alex grimaced at that. "Checking account only for food. I'm keeping my other accounts so you can't eat through them."

Kara narrowed her eyes. "You don't trust me."

"I know you."

Kara watched her, her face still, for another long moment. Then she quirked up the corner of her lips in a smile. "You'd move in?"

"Yeah."

Kara nodded. "Okay."

#

Eliza didn't protest, but there was something about the tone in her voice when she said, "You're sure there isn't a better option? I'd rather not have them think I allowed any misbehavior when you were both minors."

"Mom. It's fake."

"It won't work unless you think the way they think."

"We can say it's recent. It started when she saved me, and grew while we were working to make her Supergirl."

"Mm."

Tension drew Alex's shoulders tight. "Mom. You're okay with this?"

"You make a lot of sacrifices for Kara, don't you?"

You just now noticed? Alex bit back the words. She would never say words like that where Kara would hear. It wasn't a sacrifice, not if it was for Kara. "She makes a lot of sacrifices for me too."

"Fine then," Eliza said. "Mazel tov."

#

Moving in was easy. Arguing with Kara over the bills and their money was easy. Well, as easy as it always was. Alex didn't know how she fed herself. CatCo had always paid terribly. Kara said she was fine and to stop trying to fix everything. Alex said that if they were going to be fake married at the very least she had to know how Kara fed herself. Kara finally admitted to a quiet trade in hand-crushed diamonds.

"That's illegal!" Alex flapped.

"It is not! I asked Lucy!"

"It is because you didn't put it on your taxes! I know, because I did your taxes last year!"

They finally came to an agreement. No more diamonds, but Alex would pay rent and utilities and all of Kara's salary could go towards food.

Sleeping with Kara was . . . warm. Kara was like an electric blanket wrapped up around her, and Alex, who had poor circulation in her fingers and toes, didn't mind it.

It was only awkward when Alex wanted to masturbate. It wasn't all that often, but the urge kind of built up. And she could not do that with Kara in the bed. But she worked late for CatCo some nights and Alex finally gave in and buried her face in the pillow and touched herself in bed, planning on cleaning up thoroughly afterwards. Instead, she fell asleep. She woke up with Kara half on top of her. When she tried to squeeze out from under her to go at least wash her hands, Kara hung on, burrowing deeper in her shoulder.

"You smell nice," she mumbled.

Slightly mortified, Alex let herself be cuddled until it was actually morning. But after that she stopped worrying so much. If Kara didn't mind her being sweatier and smelling like arousal, then Alex didn't mind either. As long as she didn't actually walk in. That would be a little much.

#

Something was bothering Kara. It didn't seem to be too much of a problem, but she was quiet often now, with that look on her face that said she was remembering Krypton. They readied the petition for immigration and the application for a green-card to submit after they sent in the marriage license, and then they got a form in the mail. "Resident extra-terrestrial information card."

"If they ask for any information about your powers--"

Kara put her hand on Alex's, and she shook her head. "I've got this," she said.

"If you need to talk to J'onn--"

"It's fine. We already discussed this. I know what to do."

Alex was surprised, but realized she shouldn't be. Kara was on top of things, especially important things. "Okay. Let me know if there's anything I can do to help."

Kara smiled. "Pizza later? I might need a hug. It's just a little weird, knowing that I've spent the last thirteen years pretending to be human, and now I'm going to be a legally registered extra-terrestrial."

"Is that why you've been thinking about Krypton so much?"

Kara's face fell. "I never don't think about Krypton."

Alex winced. "I know. I just mean . . . thinking harder about it."

Kara went quiet the way she did when she looked for Krypton. She's explained why to Alex once. She knew it wasn't there anymore, so she didn't look around. But if she was very still, she could look inside herself for it, and sometimes find its traces there.

"I've been pretending to be human so long . . . I don't know what it means to be a Kryptonian on Earth. I don't know what there is that I can keep."

Alex felt any words of comfort slip away. Maybe Kara would have had someone she could ask, to figure it out together with, but Alex had taken that away from her.

#

The ceremony was in a courthouse. Lucy and Winn came as witnesses. Eliza said she couldn't get away. She didn't say 'send pictures' but Winn had taken it upon himself to be the photographer. "Better me than James," he said. "James's pics always look staged, and that's the last thing we need!"

Lucy nixed her leather jacket, and Alex ended up in a soft black knit top and slacks. Kara wore an off-white sundress, her hair up in a crown of braids, with tiny real white flowers tucked into them. She looked happy, sunny, like this was a good day, maybe one of the best. Alex found it hard to look away. She'd never for an instant doubted that Kara was beautiful, but beautiful and happy were a rare enough combination that Alex let herself be a little overwhelmed. It wasn't her favorite--her favorite Kara was when she was comfy with a messy bun in one of her oversized grey sweaters, looking up from her pint of ice-cream when Alex came in, as if things had been good, and the only thing that could make them better was Alex's arrival, and here she was.

"Man, she's pretty," Winn said. "White, huh? Is she a virgin?"

Like red to a bull, Alex spun and slammed Winn against the wall. Winn was wide eyed and gulping. "I was just wondering! Does she have anything blue with her? What about a borrowed item? I have a handkerchief, it's clean, I could lend it to her. You know, tradition? I'm so sorry."

Alex smiled, tight and fierce. "I've just found a side bonus of all of this. I have an excuse to nip discussion like that in the bud. You do not speak about Kara like that. You do not think about Kara like that. You understand?"

Winn nodded helplessly. "I really wasn't. I just . . . spoke. I would never."

"Good." Alex released him and looked back to Kara, talking with her hands to Lucy, pretty and excited and happy. "I didn't think how much taking Supergirl off the market would make my blood pressure go down. Maybe I'll be able to read her Twitter feed again."

"Mmm," Winn said, highly non-committal. He didn't mention that there was not going to be any implication that Supergirlwas in a relationship, and that they'd both agreed that after Kara's greencard application came through, they could date again. So Kara wasn't really 'off the market'. Probably one of the dangers of fake-marrying your overprotective big sister was that it gave your big sister an excuse to keep the wolves away, maybe forever.

Winn watched Alex watching Kara as they waited to be called into the registrar's office. He lifted his camera and snapped a photo. Alex was usually so scary, though hot, but when she looked at Kara, she could almost be pretty. They made a super attractive couple. Winn zipped his lips. There would be no wedding night jokes. The wall-shove had just been a warning. Next time Alex might actually kill him.

When they'd written the vows, they hadn't been anything Alex thought she would have any trouble promising. It was Kara. She'd die for Kara. She almost had, more than once.

"I want you to promise that you won't rush off without me and get yourself killed," Kara had said.

"You'd better promise that too," Alex said, feeling a bit twisted up. She knew she couldn't stop Kara from giving herself for the world, but she would do everything she could to put it off as long as possible.

Kara had suggested one part and hemmed a little when asked if it was Kryptonian, but it was the part that Alex was sure she'd have no issue saying. Protection? She'd vowed to protect Kara a long time ago, and she'd continue doing it until she died.

And yet, right there, in front of the registrar's desk, it all became a little hard to say. Alex hated saying what she meant, and everything here was a little bit closer to what she really felt than she ever wanted to admit.

"I promise to love you as my family. To honor your wishes and care for your happiness. To protect you with all the strength of my body and all the wit of my mind. And when there is trouble, I promise that I will wait for you, and we will face whatever it is together."

Alex looked up, having said it mostly to the floor, and waited to see Kara grinning at her, amused by the earnest way the stupid words had come out, but Kara wasn't grinning, she wasn't even smiling, and her eyes were wet. Alex choked, glancing around, unable to bear her glistening blue-eyed gaze. And there was Winn, in her line of sight, actually crying, tears streaking his face.

He looked like an idiot. It was enough for Alex to get ahold of herself and not start to cry also, when Kara's hands squeezed hers and she smiled, ducking her head, repeating the vows with just as much earnestness and care.

What was marriage anyway? If you stripped out all of the nonsense, it was just building a family, no more or less emotional than an adoption or a birth. There was nothing fake about Kara being her family.

The ring slid on like it belonged there. Alex had forbidden any diamonds, due to tax fraud shenanigans, and so the rings were plain but serviceable. They were both titanium--tough enough so Kara wouldn't bend them on accident. Light and snug and comforting. They wouldn't get in the way. Alex wouldn't have a problem wearing it all the time, she thought. She hated jewelry. But this was different.

Alex was looking at her hand with the ring, and smiling, fumbling out the last few awkward words as she shuffled Kara's onto her finger.

Kara's hand was warm in hers. It almost made it less awkward, but it really didn't. They were getting married. Legally, even if it was fake.

"With this ring, I marry you." Alex had never really believed she'd say those words, not with anyone, and definitely not with Kara. It felt absurd, and she laughed through them, nerves breaking through.

"You may kiss."

Now Kara was smiling at her, sweet and soft, as if she'd done something right. She was a little flushed at the top of her cheeks, a little embarrassed maybe, but there was no way Alex was anything but bright red after this whole thing.

And then Kara was cupping her head behind her ears, and leaning in. Oh, Alex realized, she's going to kiss me. And she leaned in too. It was gentle. Kara's hand moving to hold Alex's cheek. A long press of lips, so soft for someone so strong, and then a release, and warmth spread up through Alex's chest.

Winn was sobbing into his handkerchief. Lucy was watching with an odd expression on her face, the camera she'd stolen from Winn hovering in the air.

"I love you," Kara murmured into Alex's neck, hanging on her shoulder and hiding her face behind Alex's head like she did when she was embarrassed. "Thank you for doing this for me."

"I love you too," Alex said. "Let's go home."

#

The party was not huge, but raucous enough that it was stressing Alex out. A few people knew that the marriage was fake and the others were just a bit bewildered that they hadn't even realized Kara was dating anyone. All of Alex's side was from the DEO and had been invited by J'onn. Some of them knew what was going on, but she'd heard at least one subgroup taking a look at Kara and going, 'oh fuck, Danvers bagged Supergirl.'

Alex grimaced. Another identity reveal was not the point of this.

At some point, she realized she'd lost track of Kara. She wasn't doing her social-butterfly hostess thing anymore. Sometimes, noise and people still got to be too much for her, so Alex checked their bedroom first.

Kara was on the bed, curled up into a ball, looking at their marriage certificate.

Alex's stomach sank. Had this been a terrible idea? Had she forced Kara into something that she really didn't want?

"Hey, are you okay?"

Kara looked up, swiftly, like she hadn't been paying enough attention to notice Alex's approach. "Oh. Yes. Just needed a break."

Alex nodded and moved toward the bed, sensitive to any resistance. But Kara shifted over slightly so Alex could get on with her and sit next to her. She looked down at the marriage certificate also. It wasn't a mistake, right? Kara needed this. It was a favor for her.

Or was it? Would it have been a relief for Kara to be forced to leave, to find something else that she wanted more than this superheroing that some days seemed to be a duty rather than a calling. Would she have wanted Alex to come with her, or did she want to be alone?

"I'm a real Danvers now."

"You always were."

Kara smiled, her eyes still sad. "Legally."

Alex hesitated. "Is that what you want? You don't have to. You could stay a Zor-El, or I could--" Wow that was presumptuous. Alex cut off the thought.

Kara's smile warmed. "You'd take a weird alien surname for me?"

Alex huffed. "Obviously."

"It's okay. Kryptonian names don't transfer through marriage anyway. My mom's an In-Ze, always. It's just a little confusing what I'm supposed to be."

"How do you mean?" Alex lay on the bed, propping her head up on her hand, watching Kara. She was always a little distant and calm when talking about Krypton. Was it because she was sad, or because she wasn't pretending to be human? Either way, it seemed honest, and Alex valued that she got to see it.

"I was the first-born of two houses, Ze and El. El was slightly higher status, so I was given the name Zor-El to signify that I was heir to my paternal house. But when Kal was born there had been some debate about whether he should supplant me because his mother, Lara, had no house. In the end, everyone died. But the last decision was that I was the eldest, so I would keep my designation. I think my mom always hoped that her sister would be given a child, and wanted her line to have the In-Ze name. But now, here, Kal is the eldest, and there is no one else to remember the house of Ze."

"Do you want to wear that crest?"

Kara started. "What?"

"I'm sure Winn could replace the crest on your suit if you wanted to honor your mother's house."

Kara shook her head. "No. I don't . . . I don't feel comfortable having it spread around. It's too late for the house of El, but if it's Kal's house then it's right that he was the one to make that choice. I would keep the crest to myself."

"You should keep the Ze though. It should be part of your name." Alex pushed the certificate toward her. "It's an automatic process when we submit it. No petition necessary."

Kara held the paper and looked at it, then at Alex. "Do you want it too?"

"I thought Kryptonian names didn't spread like that."

"They don't." Kara twisted her ring around her finger. "They spread through oaths. When you vowed to protect me, and I vowed to protect you in return, well. That did it."

Words had meaning. That was why sometimes they were so hard to say. But that part of the oath hadn't been hard to make at all. "I would be honored to bear the name of your house."

Kara only smirked a little at the formality of her words.

Danvers-Ze was a mouthful, but it was the right thing, the house at the end. Alex filled out the change of name form without any hesitation. Another day perhaps it wouldn't have been so easy. But today she'd married Kara, kissed her in public, and drunk a lot of champagne. Changing her name was nothing in comparison.

"Alex." Kara's hand fell on hers. "Alex. This isn't part of the marriage stuff. This isn't fake. You swore loyalty to me, and joined my house."

Alex turned palm up closed her hand around Kara's. She met Kara's eyes, steady and sure. "I swore."

#

Alex was a niggler. If there was a hint of a problem, she puzzled at it, tugged, worked it open until a lot of other things unravelled along with it. It really wasn't all that helpful a habit. But being married to Kara . . . the problem was that it wasn't a problem.

So she niggled at that instead.

The best thing was that she wasn't anxious as often. If she didn't know where Kara was, she could either ping her Supergirl comm and see if she needed help, or text her and ask when she was coming home and what Alex should get for dinner. She wasn't just invasive and paranoid. It probably wasn't healthy to deal with her paranoia by checking every few hours that the worst hadn't happened, but she saw Kara every few hours now, without even thinking about it. And when she woke up in the middle of the night after a nightmare, Kara was usually right on top of her, crushing her chest and breathing hot air on her cheek.

Every evening was one they could spend on the couch, keeping up with their tv watching. Every morning she got to see Kara dragging her self out of bed, spending way too long in the shower, and then stumbling around helplessly, bumping into things as she hurried to get dressed because she was going to be late and Cat would kill her. (She wasn't even Cat's assistant anymore. She'd been moved into Production where she could manage workflow from behind a desk and slip out to save a bus or put out a fire and no one would notice she was gone. Cat wasn't even in the country, yet her specter still haunted her employees.) She'd clothe herself and then Alex would point to the door: "Shoes, glasses, bag, coffee." Put the items in front of her, on her face, or in her hands, and send her on her way.

"You are a miracle," Kara said, took a sip of coffee, kissed her face, and left.

Alex really liked being a miracle.

#

"How's being married?" Lucy asked, as they met outside of the gun range.

Alex blinked at her, and then down at the ring on her finger. She thumbed it absently, and looked back up, seeing Lucy smiling at her in an amused sort of way.

"Good?"

Alex felt her face get hot. "Good."

"The romance still alive?"

Alex frowned. "What?"

Lucy shook her head, huffing out a breath through her nose. "How's the greencard application? Do you need an attorney yet?"

"Not yet. We've got the interview coming up in two weeks. If it goes poorly, well, then we'll definitely need your help."

Lucy nodded. "Let me know when you want to prep for the interview. It shouldn't be a big deal. I wouldn't have been surprised to hear you two were married on that first game night. I think you can pass."

"Uh, thanks." Alex wasn't entirely sure how she felt about that comment.

Lucy gave a grin. "Let's just say you won't have any problems answering where you keep the extra sheets. Though it's interesting. I don't know if they've ever dealt with couples who were foster siblings too. You have a lot of knowledge about each other that doesn't entail that your marriage is authentic."

Alex's mouth pinched. "You think they'll be harder on us?"

"I think . . ." Lucy watched her for a moment. "I think they are probably a bit harder on same-sex couples since it's only recently that they've had to deal with that as a valid application. And roommates can be quite familiar with each other without having that kind of relationship. They don't usually ask questions about sex, but I wouldn't rule it out in this case."

Alex blanched. "They won't pass us if we don't have sex?"

Lucy patted her shoulder. "I shouldn't think they'd actually want photographic evidence. But the immigration office is not hugely evolved. I'm pretty sure you two would be super happy in perpetua with your marriage drenched in platonic intimacy, but it's kind of an outlier. You're going to at least have to give the impression that you enjoy your naked sexy time together."

"Oh god."

"Chill, Danvers-Ze. I'm coming over Friday and we will drill this. You will give each other all the eyesex, and it will be completely convincing."

"I . . . okay?"

Lucy waved and sauntered off. Alex felt as if she had broken out in a cold sweat. She could not give the impression of having had sex with Kara. Most of her life was spent trying not to give the impression of wanting to have sex with Kara, which was weirdly harder than it seemed. Just because her favorite shirts came from the men's--well, teen boy--section and was often quite concerned for her sister who was a superhero and often almost died, it didn't mean she was just waiting and hoping Kara would one day give her some kind of come hither look and rip off her pants. But it was different giving the impression of a sad lesbian with a crush and someone who was actually getting laid by their wife on a regular basis.

Alex swallowed hard. It was just acting. Lucy would tell them how to act. They could handle this.

She just wondered what Lucy had meant by saying that they'd both be happy with a marriage of platonic intimacy. Sure, Alex was happy right now. She'd never been great with relationships. If it was an option, living like this, with Kara, sleeping in her bed, working together part time, hanging out together and with their mutual friends, she'd take it. She didn't really think a real relationship would be better. She'd just have to go back to panicking about Kara in her off time and driving whoever she was with crazy. But Kara would meet someone she actually liked someday. She wouldn't want to live with her sister forever.

It hurt to think of Kara finding someone she wanted to be with. It wasn't jealousy. But things would be different. Alex kind of liked the way things were right now.

#

The lights were on but the apartment was quiet when Alex got home. It was very rarely quiet when Kara was around, so she didn't call out, just set down her bag and padded down the hall towards where light spilled from their bedroom.

Kara was standing at the window, something small in her hand that she fiddled with, turning it over and over in her fingers.

It was the spy beacon.

Alex let out a breath like she'd been punched. She never really forgot how much Kara had lost, how much she, personally, had taken from her. But it wasn't always present, not like it was right now.

Unsure of what to do, she hovered in the doorway.

"You can come in."

Kara didn't look around. But it wasn't as if Alex wasn't a galumphing elephant to her, no matter how softly she walked. She couldn't hush the beating of her own heart.

"Is there anything I can get you?"

Kara looked over her shoulder, her smile soft. "No. Thank you, Alex."

Alex hovered in the space. Their bedroom, she called it, but it was Kara's still. She was a guest here, an interloper. Even her name felt wrong now. She'd taken some of Kara's Kryptonian memories, touched them with her murderer's hands, corrupted them.

"Actually--"

Alex looked up. Kara reached out. "Give me a squish?"

"Really?" Alex stepped in, going for the top of the hug, even though she was shorter, because when Kara asked for it, she liked that way better. When she just went for it she wanted the top.

Kara pressed her face into her shoulder, letting out a small muffled sound. Alex held on firmly for as long as she could. Finally Kara drew back and tangled their fingers together--left hand to left hand, both rings visible.

"I know there were pragmatic, practical reasons for this," Kara said softly. "But you don't understand what it means to me, or how important it is that you're part of my family."

Alex's chest burned, acid rising in her throat, tears stinging her eyes. She'd screwed up, screwed up so much, and still Kara was willing to be so kind. And it was kindness, not naivety. Kara played at being sunny and happy so much, but when she wasn't acting and Alex looked in her eyes, they were so old. She had lost a whole world. She could never be young and foolish again.

"If I could give you back your family, I'd give my life to give that to you."

"No." Kara's hand gripped hers so tight her bones creaked. "It wouldn't be worth it. Nothing is worth losing you."

"But I--"

Kara released her hand and cupped her face instead. "You're my family now. You've got that? If I lose you, then I don't have anything. I need to keep you. I want to keep you."

Alex sagged. "I'll be here. For anything you need."

"I know."

Kara let her head fall forward, their foreheads bumping, and they stayed there, for a long moment, connected, almost like a kiss.

"Have you ever thought about getting a tattoo?"

"Um," Alex said. "What?"

Kara drew her onto the bed and picked up something from the side table. It was a brooch, simple and straightforward, in the shape of a Kryptonian crest.

"Winn made me this, something small, that wouldn't be too obvious. I can wear it as Kara Danvers too."

"Danvers-Ze," Alex said, absently, correcting it like she'd gotten used to correcting her own name in the same way.

Kara's smile widened. "Right."

A little embarrassed, Alex smiled back. She took the brooch as offered, tracing the lines, nothing like Kal's dumb S. "I like it." She bumped her head into Kara's shoulder. "I'd get a tattoo."

"Really?" Kara hunched, rocking into her shyly. "It was a silly idea."

"I'd love to get the crest of Ze as a tattoo."

"I was thinking . . . I could give it to you? Vasquez has some equipment she would loan me."

Alex swallowed. It felt ceremonial in the way that the wedding had, in the way that signing the bit of paper hadn't. But there was no stupid legal reasons for this. It was just because Alex wanted it and Kara needed it, and if Kara needed it, Alex would do anything for her.

"I would be honored."

Kara gazed at her, old eyes, strange and certain, and Alex could feel her gaze in her chest, feel her heart beat increase and her skin warm. Kara's eyes flicked down--to her lips? Was she going to kiss her? Alex's chest went tight, short of breath. And then Kara ducked her head, bumping into her shoulder, and Alex looped her arms around her and held her.

#

Lucy and Winn showed up on Friday--Lucy with a briefcase and Winn with a garment bag. Lucy settled onto the couch and took out a notebook and casually accepted the San Pellegrino that Kara brought over.

"All right," Lucy said. "Let's practice for this interview."

Everything became weird and uncomfortable as Alex straightened her shirt and Kara fidgeted with her glasses, and then they sat down on the sofa together. Too close would be unprofessional, and too far would make them look like strangers, and Alex knew she was overthinking things. It was just practice. Lucy would tell them if they were failing.

She reached out, took one of Kara's hands, and tugged it into her lap. Lucy raised an eyebrow, nodded and smiled.

"So," Winn said, looking as professional and composed as Winn ever could. "Mrs and Dr. Danvers-Ze. How long have you been married?"

Alex and Kara looked at each other. "A week?" "Nine days."

"Why did you get married so close to filing for a greencard?"

"Well," Alex said. There was no real way to get around this. "Honestly, we finally decided to tie the knot because we found out her immigration status was being questioned. But we were together for a while before then."

"How long?"

They hadn't really gone over this. Kara's hand tightened on hers. "I don't remember a time where I wasn't in love with Alex."

Alex's face flamed. Her mom wouldn't like to hear that one. But . . . she liked it. She couldn't say it had been so immediate for her, but it hadn't been too long before this weird alien brat in her house had become the most important person in her life. "We've always been close. But our relationship started getting . . . more intense about eight months ago."

Kara caught her eye and nodded. That was about when she'd caught the plane. It wasn't a lie.

"And when did you move in?"

"Officially, a week or so before we got married. But this used to be my apartment, and we've had . . . sleepovers nearly the whole time." Alex made a face. In this context that sounded like she was volunteering something unnecessary about sex. This sounded like a patent sham marriage, didn't it? Everything revolved around ICE showing up. And how could they lie about having sex without pushing too hard? It wasn't like: check box, does the sex. It was an impression. How did you convey the impression of a lie?

"Where do you keep the laundry detergent?"

"Uh," Alex made a face.

"In the bathroom cupboard," Kara said, narrowing her eyes at Alex. "You never do laundry. I've been washing whatever you leave here for years."

"Extra sheets and towels?"

"Hall closet." Kara nodded.

"You don't have a joint bank account--why is that?"

Alex huffed. "This one is insatiable. I make sure the rent and utilities get paid and don't suddenly have to deal with an overdraft charge because you wanted fancy pizza this time."

"You make me sound like a kept woman! I managed just fine before you moved back in."

"Oh please. CatCo pays you nothing and I was over every few months trying to sort out your bank account. I am so looking forward to joint filing taxes this year. I will only have to do it once, and I won't have to figure out the mess you make of the forms."

"It's not my fault that your stupid human government is a bureaucratic nightmare!"

"Honey, Alex," Lucy said, putting up a hand to stop the spat. "Saying you're looking forward to paying joint taxes might be going a little far."

Alex hesitated. "But . . . I am."

Kara elbowed her hard. "I'm not terrible with money."

"I didn't say you were." Alex elbowed her back. "I like doing this kind of thing. I like being useful."

Kara shook her head, eyes steady on her, faintly amused. Alex felt her cheeks heat up. She hated always having to admit her embarrassing truths.

Lucy coughed. "How often would you say you have sex?"

Alex froze. She stumbled for an answer, what would be reasonable? Once a year? Maybe she could manage--

"Every night," Kara said.

"Every night?" Alex squeaked. "No one has sex every night."

Kara's eyes and grin were devilish. "That's just because you don't call it sex when I just rut against your thigh until I come."

Alex tried to find words, but they did not come. She flapped her hands. Kara's body always pressed against her in bed, their legs interlocking, sometimes Kara would shift against her, ride up on her leg just a little, then sigh happily and burrow back in for a snuggle. That wasn't sex. That was just getting comfortable. But god, she was never going to be able to let Kara settle against her hip again without thinking of this conversation. "Nope." Alex stood up. "No way. I can't talk about this. Nope."

She spun and ducked into the bathroom and shut and locked the door.

"What, were you trying to kill her?" she heard Winn ask Kara.

"I thought I would start strong and we could tone it down a little." Kara was laughing, as if Alex wasn't having a perfectly reasonable panic attack. "We've been married for like a week. If we don't imply we've been doing it a lot since then, they'll know we're faking."

Lucy snorted. "Alex!" she shouted. "How do you feel about two or three times a week?"

"Birthdays only!" Alex yelled back. She rubbed her forehead. Overreacting. There was some conversation that she couldn't hear, and she sighed and stepped out of the bathroom. "Fine. Let's try again." She settled back onto the couch, a little further away from Kara this time.

Kara's nose was wrinkled in amusement. "Really? Birthdays only?"

Alex huffed. "I would have been happy with birthdays only with the last two guys I was with."

"Baby," Kara said, putting a hand on her knee. "You always dated losers before me."

Alex made a face at her. God. She hated this. Kara implying that they were having sex, playing at being her actual girlfriend--wife. Fuck.--it made her stomach do cartwheels.

"Anyways," Lucy said, wryly. "How often would you say you have sex?"

"About two or three times per week," Alex managed.

"Usually," Kara said. She ducked her head and took Alex's hand. "A little more these past nine days though, wouldn't you say?"

Alex felt herself turning bright red. Even her ears felt hot. "Well its, um . . . nice to be married."

"Much better," Lucy said. "And keep looking at each other like that. You bicker like siblings and that's not going to stop. You just need to add on the intimate secrets look."

Another rush of heat into her face did not make Alex any calmer. "We don't have intimate secrets."

"Really?" Winn asked.

Alex looked back at Kara who was frowning as if she was trying to think about what intimate secrets they might have. Then she brightened and nudged Alex with her elbow. "What about that time in the boathouse when--"

"Oh my god," Alex said, covering her mouth before she could air her dirty laundry to the entire room. "No. Humiliating teenage experiences are not the same thing as intimate secrets. They mean like, I know what you look like naked and I like seeing it."

"You do know what I look like naked."

"Only because you didn't know what a bath-towel was for until you were seventeen!"

"I dry off really fast."

"When you don't bring any clothes into the bathroom with you, that's not what it's for."

"Maybe you guys know each other too well," Winn said. "There's got to be a little mystery."

Alex's stomach sank. Everyone said that they could pass for a couple easily, but when they really got down to it, they knew each other too well. They were siblings, not lovers.

"No," Lucy said. "We can do this. Kara, look at me, focus."

Kara obeyed, mouth flexing in a way that showed Alex she was a little concerned.

"Alex married you," Lucy said. And Kara's cheeks went pink. Alex felt her own face heating up in response. "She actually stood up in front of four people, one of them a stranger, and pretty much told them all just how important you are to her."

Alex felt a little bit like she would die. But Kara's eyes were crinkling, pleasure apparent on her face, and Alex's insides went all soft.

"Alex," Lucy's voice was soft. Alex didn't look away from Kara, she didn't think she could. "How does that make you feel? This is going to work out. And that's a pretty brave thing to do for Kara."

"Maybe a little proud," Alex managed to answer. "But I always feel badass when I can do something for Kara."

Kara turned to look at her then, the pleasure on her face tinted with amusement. Alex couldn't see her own face, but thought it was probably not as cool as she usually liked it to be. But it was true. If she could do anything for Kara, for her superhero little sister, she felt like a badass.

"There we go. Now you look like you're in love."

Winn chuckled. "If I hadn't heard the relentlessly sappy way Lucy walked you through that, I'd totally think you were both remembering some awesome sexy encounter."

Alex gave him the glare of death. He choked.

"Yeah," Lucy said, not frightened of Alex at all. "Kara, you look like you're remembering getting Alex to do something dirty for you, and Alex looked like she just gave you three orgasms in ten minutes and is going to be riding that high for a while."

"Wha--" Alex gaped.

"Just, like, remember those cues and whenever you get asked a sex-question, look at each other and think about those things I said to get those looks."

It felt like she'd been hit. This wasn't fair. Everything was all sex tainted now. Alex had spent the last thirteen years of her life avoiding putting Kara and sex in the same sentence, and if someone else did, punching them. She protected Kara from dirty hands and dirty thoughts the best she could. And now everyone was like, think about Kara having sex. Think about Kara having sex with you. Think about making everything you work so hard for into something dirty. Now even the way she looked at Kara was dirty.

"Alex. Alex." Kara was poking her arm. "Hey. Are you okay?"

Alex blinked, suddenly realizing that people had moved around while she was lost in her tangled emotional reaction. She tried to speak, but only an indistinct mumble came out.

"Guys," Kara said, her grip firm on Alex's arm, the only thing that Alex could really feel. "Let's work on this more later. I think Alex and I need to get used to talking about this."

"But I brought outfits," Winn said.

Lucy waved him away and moved over to put her hand on Kara's shoulder. "Maybe there are some things you could do to be more comfortable with private moments. They don't have to be sexy private moments, but level up your physical intimacy to match your emotional intimacy, and I think you'll manage to pull it off. They don't actually want to know whether or not you've had sex. They're just looking for an impression of the kind of connection that means you're actually trying to make a life together."

"We are," Kara said softly.

"I know," Lucy said. She leaned down and gave Kara a hug. "Maybe make sure Alex is feeling that confident about it too."

They were gone, and Alex was still holding herself on the sofa, arms wrapped around her knees.

Kara brought some tea over. Alex didn't move, and Kara sighed, went back to the fridge, added a slug of whiskey, and brought it back. "Here."

Alex looked from it to Kara and back. "You never want me to drink."

"Maybe in this case having your nerves a little settled will be helpful. Because I think we need to talk. If you can't do this . . ."

"No!" Alex took a gulp of the whiskey-toddied tea and sat up. "I said I would do this for you, I suggested it. I am not going to fuck this up for you, okay?"

Kara ducked her head. "I thought you might say that. But it means we're going to have to talk a little bit about sex."

Alex choked on her tea.

"Why is it that you've done it and you're more weirded out about this than me?"

Alex paused, blinked. "You . . . haven't?"

"Of course not."

Wait, what? "Of course not? Kara. You've had boyfriends; you're incredibly beautiful; in what way is there an 'of course not' involved?"

"Alex." Kara set down her tea. "I'm a terrifying alien from outer space. You know that."

"So?" Alex wasn't kidding that she knew what Kara looked like naked. She looked like a gorgeous young woman. There was nothing that she had to hide. Unless . . . Alex cut off that thought. It made her stomach feel weirdly tight.

"You're the only person I can hug even nearly as hard as I want to. And I know that most of that is because you like pain a little more than makes me happy."

Alex huffed. "It's not painful when you hug me. It's pressure. I like pressure."

"It just means that I've never really seen the point of trying to go all the way. Either I stay in control and don't have a hard time staying in control, because it's bad. Or it's good, I don't stay in control, and I break someone's spine." Kara shrugged. "It's not worth it."

"Oh." Alex stared at her, at the resignation on her face. She hadn't realized Kara was going through this. "I guess I'm not a great example there. Mostly it's just been bad for me. And, well, you know that I've done some damage."

Kara snorted. "I startled you, coming into the boathouse like that. Poor guy."

"Whatever, he was a jerk."

Kara wasn't looking at her, keeping her eyes lowered. How long had she been pretending everything was okay about this? Was it part of faking being human? She was a registered alien now. Maybe she thought she could finally admit what exactly that meant for her. Alex breathed out. It wasn't fair. Kara deserved everything she wanted.

"Hey, come here."

She opened her arms and Kara peeked up at her. Some of the tension in her frame relaxed, and Kara settled into her, curling up against her chest. Alex slowly stroked her arm, making sure the pressure was firm and steady. "You don't have to, you know, fuck, to have it count as sex. My best time . . ." Alex swallowed, she didn't talk about this. Honestly, she tried not to talk about anything that happened in her pants. It was embarrassing. "My best time was just a couple hours curled up with this girl. It was just touching. I don't even know if either of us got off, but it felt good and it was enough."

Kara went rigid in her arms. Oh fuck. Alex had overshared.

"You've had sex with a girl?" Her voice was shaky. Why?

"I, um. I don't know? Maybe?" She wasn't really sure if it counted as sex. But she was telling Kara that that sort of thing could count. That was kind of the point of the previous discussion, wasn't it? "Yes?"

"Are you bi?"

"I-- I've never really thought about it? It's just . . . stuff."

Kara turned in her arms and glared at her. "Your Tinder profile says you're looking for guys."

"I haven't been on Tinder in years. I didn't even set it up. You set it up."

"You didn't tell me you would be open to dating girls!"

"It didn't matter! I hate dating. I hate people. They're just useless and boring. Going on a couple dates with guys would make you and Mom happy. It wasn't anything I wanted. Guys or girls." And that was the truth of it. Alex had Kara. She didn't need anyone else. No one was ever going to be more important to her than Kara.

"Oh." Kara scrunched up tighter, drawing away from her. "You could have told me."

"I did. You called me a misanthrope."

"I mean about the girl."

Alex shrugged. "It was just . . . one of the stupid things I did in college."

Kara was all the way on the other end of the couch now. They'd been supposed to get more comfortable talking about sex. Clearly that hadn't worked. "I never did any of those stupid things. I was too scared of hurting someone."

Alex didn't know how to fix this. And maybe that was always her problem, always trying to fix things rather than just listening. But Kara had so much pain. If there was anything she could do to make it better, she'd die to do it.

"You deserve everything you want."

Kara softened, though she stayed on her end of the couch. "I don't. But I love it that you feel that way."

#

"Alex!"

Alex popped her head into the bathroom. Kara was in the tub, foaming bubblebath heaped up on the water. Alex never took baths, but she had kind of missed having a nice tub. Her apartment had only had a shower. Kara loved baths and needed big windows, so no matter how much Alex liked this apartment, of course she would give up the one with the giant claw-foot tub and floor-to-ceiling windows to her. For now it was theirs though. That was nice.

"Need anything?"

"You."

Alex paused. "Me how?"

Kara patted the bubbles. "Get in. I want to have a bath with you."

The deer in the headlights feeling was starting to be embarrassing familiar. Alex took a deep breath. Naked in the tub with Kara wasn't necessarily sexual. It was just Kara, wanting closeness and comfort. It was a Kryptonian thing also, she was pretty sure. Kara had tried to get in her baths when they were teenagers--possibly the reason Alex had stopped taking baths--until Eliza had sat her down and told her to stop.

That hadn't been fair. A lot of the things they'd done to Kara to make her fit in hadn't been fair.

"I, um, I'm not that comfortable being naked in front of you."

Kara nodded. "Go get on some of your cute swimtrunks then. But I want you in my bath."

Fuck. That was a perfectly reasonable solution. It didn't change the fact that Kara was naked. But if she didn't mind, Alex just needed to stop being weird.

In short trunks and a bikini-top, Alex stepped back into the bathroom. Kara's eyes went wide. "Oh."

"What?" Alex looked down at herself. "Please. You've seen this much."

"Yeah, I just . . . you came back so quickly." Kara smiled. "And those are very cute swimtrunks."

Alex swatted her shoulder and Kara shuffled her legs back so Alex could step in. The water was scaldingly hot and felt really good. She settled into the opposite end of the tub and stretched out her legs hesitantly. They tangled up with Kara's and she was careful to not let them approach too far. But the contact was nice. She was fine as long as it didn't get weird.

"Is this some intimacy aid you and Lucy worked out?"

"No," Kara said. "I worked it out on my own."

Alex snorted.

"But really. It's perfect. Roommates don't take baths together. It's not sexy, so you don't have to get all weird. But it's intimate."

"Sisters take baths--"

"No." Kara grabbed her ankle, her grip firm, the wetness sealing it. The pressure of her hand resensitized Alex's skin to the heat. Alex choked. "We're grown-ups. We were always grown-ups. Even when we were kids we were never young enough for Eliza to put us in the tub together. This isn't just a weird thing sisters who know each other too well do."

Alex went still.

"It is something house members do." Kara ducked her head a little.

Alex breathed again. "Is it? Can you . . . tell me about that?"

Kara looked at her. Her eyes glistened in the light. "It was just--" She sighed. "We had baths, not a single tub, but rooms of baths, like they talk about having in Rome. It wasn't an every day thing, cleaning was done differently, but when you needed to be close to someone, you'd go to the baths. Whenever Aunt Astra came to visit that was the first thing we'd do. The skin to skin . . . it made it feel like she'd hardly been gone at all. And when she and mom had a fight, they'd make up, and then they would bathe, sometimes just together and sometimes with me too, and it healed things."

Alex blamed her flaming face on the heat of the bath. It wasn't her fault. Kara's family was gorgeous, and apparently on Krypton, frequently naked. "The skin to skin is important then?"

"It's . . . trust. And connection. We are one house, one skin."

Alex swallowed, then tugged off her bikini top, shuffling down in the bubbles a little. "Come here then."

Kara's lips parted, astonishment on her face. Alex wiggled her fingers, impatient. Kara shuffled around and scooched back into her, pressing her back into Alex's bare chest. Alex hissed in a breath as her slick skin made contact with her nipples. She looped her arms around Kara's waist and leaned back against the side of the tub, trying to remember what her lungs were for.

Yeah. This wasn't any normal kind of intimacy. Skin to skin, the water sealing every gap, it was hard to tell where she ended and Kara began. She could feel her heartbeat, always a little faster than a human's, she could feel her weight, heavy and grounding, and oh no, she could feel the skin of her bare legs between her thighs. Kara was naked, and the short swimtrunks only highlighted the change in sensation, the pressure against her core.

Don't think about it. Don't think about it.

It wasn't intended to be sexual, but fuck, Kara was naked, and if Alex moved even an inch, the bottoms of her breasts would brush against her arms.

Kara stretched against her. "Alex," she murmured, the vibration in her chest passing straight into Alex, and she twisted just enough to plant a kiss right under her jaw.

"Oh please don't do that," Alex stuttered out.

Kara went quiet. "Is this turning you on?"

"You're naked." Alex felt like her chest was chokingly full. She should have left her bikini top on.

"You've seen me naked before."

"I haven't felt you naked."

Kara stayed still against her. "You'd understand," she said softly.

"What?" Alex was trying to get her body back under control. It was just a reaction. Who wouldn't react to this? That was all. She didn't want anything. She didn't even think about anything when she touched herself. Sexual response was physical and nothing more. If she was just a better person, she could touch Kara like this and not want. They were just body parts. Breasts and ankles, why were any of them different--and she remembered Kara grasping her ankle, telling her that this wasn't something that sisters did, and fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Ankles were not safe.

"You'd understand, that if I touched you, you couldn't do the same for me."

Alex's heart clenched. No. "Kara."

"I mean, assuming you'd even want me to touch you." Kara pulled away, shuffling back to her side of the tub. "But-- humans do that, as intimacy. And I could . . ."

What was this? She'd make it a sacrifice, getting closer to something she wanted, giving it to Alex who didn't need it, didn't deserve it, and not ask for anything for herself?

"Kara." Alex reached out and grabbed her hand as it landed on the side to help her out of the tub. "Do you want to have sex?" with me? But that was more than she could manage.

Kara looked over, expression unreadable. "I don't know. I just . . . I want to know what it's like. Someday. And I want you to be comfortable with me, with everything. Like, even if you don't want me to touch you, I don't mind if you touch yourself while I'm there."

Alex let a slow breath out. Of course Kara had known what she was doing. X-ray vision, heightened senses. "I see."

"I want you to be happy, Alex. I've always just wanted you to be happy."

And that hurt more than anything else. "Can we not talk about this right now? I need some time to think."

Kara nodded and stepped out of the bath like Venus emerging from the waves.

Alex sank under the water and hid her face below the bubbles. What the fuck was she supposed to do now?

#

Kara had never had sex. Kara wanted to have sex.

She'd gone out, some emergency or other, and Alex was trying to get to sleep before she got back, because this was awkward enough as it was. But there was so much here that she couldn't get her head around.

Sisters don't take baths together. Sisters don't get married, even for legal reasons. They don't share a bed every night. They don't feel hurt when one of them reveals they hooked up with a girl once and didn't tell. They don't wish that this could always be the most important relationship in either of their lives.

All of the Kryptonian house stuff, fuck. How had Alex missed it? Over and over again Kara was saying: this isn't fake, I love you, you're my family. Alex was saying it back. But she was a frail useless human who couldn't even complete a Kryptonian intimacy practice without getting turned on. She couldn't even lie about having sex with Kara without thinking about it.

But Kara was thinking about it too.

Fuck sleep. Alex got up and found her bottle of whiskey. She took it back to bed with her, drinking a half cup, then another, and waiting for it to work, to make everything go fuzzy and numb.

She felt sick instead. Of course, Kara had said. Of course she'd never had sex. And it had felt like success. She'd kept her little sister safe from all the predations of the world. She'd done her job. But it hadn't had anything to do with her. Kara had never had sex because she was scared of herself. And that meant Alex had failed. She was supposed to protect her, care for her, love her. If she was so scared of herself that she resisted trying something she wanted, this was something Alex should have mended.

She could mend it now. Alex's head spun. Kara's body, emerging naked from the bath, lanky and sculpted and perfect. Put her on her back. Tie her down. Kryptonite would make her feel sick, but cuffs and shackles with only enough to make her unable to break them--if it felt good enough, if Alex could distract her from the weakness by kissing her, touching her breasts, licking and biting her way down her body, down to her folds, spread wide by the shackles, open for Alex to put her mouth on--

Alex buried her fingers between her legs, rolled over, and started thrusting her hips into her hands. Fuck. Maybe Kara could just hold onto the headboard, ride her face, Maybe she could get on her hands and knees, stay there, and Alex could work a strap-on inside her--the muscles there might be too tense--a kryptonite insert in the strap on? It would hurt. Fuck, she wanted Kara to do that to her, to fuck her as hard as she could, bruises, pounding, if the bed was springy enough Kara wouldn't break her, but fuck, being broken by her . . . Just the thought of her hands cupping her thighs, her hips slamming into Alex's ass--

Alex came to the thought of Kara thrusting into her, fucking her with her own Kryptonite sword, taking her vengeance on Alex's body for all the crimes Alex had committed against her. She soaked her fingers and pajama shorts. She started to cry.

Why? Why was Kara always so kind, so giving, when she was such a fucking mess?

Her stomach heaved, and she staggered out of bed and into the bathroom. She dropped on her knees in front of the toilet, thought of Kara's hand in her hair, grabbing her head and forcing her down re-arousing her. And then she puked.

#

Everything was easier when Alex didn't have to think. She'd woken up clean and in fresh pajamas on the couch. Kara had already left for work.

During work, Alex didn't think about it. She was good at not thinking about things. Even J'onn didn't know just how much she was blocking out.

Then she got home. Home. Titanium ring on her finger, two toothbrushes in the cup by the sink, Kara, in her bath, in her bed, in her life. Mom would be so disappointed in her. She's your sister now, Alex. Protect your sister, Alex.

She tried. She tried so hard, and everything she did seemed to make it worse. Hurting Kara by keeping secrets from her, helping her become a superhero where she got injured and nearly killed, ripping her away from a world where she had her family back, where she had the life she always wanted, and murdering her only last living family member on top of that. And now this, no big deal, just marry her, sponsor her petition for a greencard. That won't wreck her. What had she been thinking? What had J'onn been thinking? What was everyone thinking when they said, you act like you're married anyway?

She didn't remember getting out the whiskey. She only noticed she was pouring when she'd already finished one glass.

She loved Kara, so much. But being this close to her, being around her all the time, it made the bad parts of her come out, the possessive, selfish parts. She wanted Kara to be hers, to not let anyone else near. The desire was just another facet of that. She could possess Kara by touching her in places no one else had, by teaching her how to please Alex. They were bad feelings, bad thoughts, more things that would hurt Kara if she succumbed. Giving her the sex she thought she wanted would be a mistake. Kara needed to be protected from her broken dirty need. That wasn't the kind of sex she needed. It wasn't the kind she deserved.

She didn't realize Kara was home until she went to pour another glass of whiskey and the bottle was gone.

Kara was looming over her, her face pallid and pinched. She didn't look pretty now, Alex's hazed head said. But she still wanted her. Jerk her down onto your lap, pop open that button down shirt, put your mouth on her throat, your hands on her breasts.

"How much of this have you had?"

The visions of taking Kara on her lap were too thick in her head. Alex groaned. "Not enough."

"Wrong." Kara dumped it out in the sink.

"Hey!"

"I let it go last night because I blindsided you. I pushed too far. But this-- this is not okay."

"You never complained before. And I know you knew, Miss Looks-through-walls."

"I didn't complain because I felt like I had to respect you for being an adult and making your own dumb choices. You did it in your own house. In private, and sometimes I broke in and put you on your side so you wouldn't choke on your vomit. But you can't come home and get drunk alone anymore, because it isn't just your house. It's my home too. You have to deal with your problems with me. You're my wife."

Everything seemed fuzzy and strained and unreal. Alex started to laugh.

"Stop that!"

But Alex couldn't. She stood up, weaving slightly, still laughing. She moved toward Kara, swaying. "Your wife? What a joke."

Kara's face was as hard as iron.

"What the fuck would you be doing with someone like me?"

"Alex--"

"Your wife." Alex grinned, and reached up, cupping Kara's cheek. "If I'm your wife, why don't you give me a kiss?"

"Alex."

"I know you hate the taste of liquor, but guess what, you married me, so suck it up."

"You'll hate yourself in the morning for this."

Alex spun. "I hate myself now!" The scream seemed to take all her strength with her. She slumped, weak and shaky and sick.

"Alex." Kara reached out, cupping her cheeks, and drew her close. She planted a kiss on forehead and released her. "Go to bed. We can talk in the morning."

Childishly obedient, Alex stumbled into the bedroom and took off her jeans before falling into bed. Even though she was too drunk to say why, she felt sad when the door slammed shut and Kara left the apartment.

#

When Lucy and Winn showed up the next day Kara met them at the door, a bit hesitant. "I'm not sure if this is a good time."

"Kara," Lucy said. "Your interview is tomorrow."

Kara sank. "It's just, Alex is a little sick--"

"I'm fine." Alex came out of the room. She'd been hungover all morning, and she still had a headache. "Let's pretend to be married."

Kara gave her a long uneasy look, but nodded and they took their places on the couch.

"So," Winn started. "How long have you been married?"

"Three weeks," Kara said.

"Feels like forever," Alex said, tone flat.

Lucy narrowed her eyes.

"Where do you keep the tablecloths?"

"The sideboard at my place," Alex said. "Want to know a secret? I forgot them when I moved. So Mom's gonna be pissed at Thanksgiving."

Kara was sinking more and more into herself, but Alex couldn't stop.

"Um," Winn glanced at Lucy, but she flicked her fingers, encouraging him on. "How often do you have sex?"

"We don't have sex, because she's a super strong alien and she'd crush my skull if I tried to eat her out."

"Alex!" Kara snapped.

"This is bullshit!" Alex stood up from the couch. "These questions are bullshit. How does anyone know if a marriage isn't a sham? I don't even know anymore and I'm in one." Alex dropped her face into her hands and pressed her fingers to her temples. "Fuck, my head."

Kara seemed to flicker out of existence, and then she was back. She pressed two aspirin into Alex's hand and a glass of water into the other. "Take these. Go to bed. Come out when you can be civil."

Alex sank a little and lurched off to the bedroom.

"So, I assume talking didn't go all that well," Lucy said.

"I don't know if this is going to work," Kara said softly.

Alex didn't hear anything more. Their voices got too quiet. After a while the door opened and shut and footsteps moved into the bedroom. "'M sorry," Alex said as quietly as she could.

"I haven't seen you bitchy like that since high school," Kara replied.

"Yeah, well. Looks like I'm still that girl."

"I talked to Lucy about our options. Not showing up is pretty much an automatic investigation. We might need to try to get it postponed--"

"No!" Alex rolled over and glared at her. "I'm going to be there. I'm not fucking this up for you."

Kara sat up. "Really? Because it looked like you were doing a good job of practicing just what not to say today!"

Alex shoved herself up also. "I can handle it!"

"Then why are you being such a jerk!"

"Because I don't-- I don't--" There was too much in Alex's head, and Kara was hurt, she hated when Kara was hurt and it always seemed to be her fault. "Why can't you just leave me alone?"

Kara breathed out audibly, a small sound in her chest that almost broke Alex. "I thought things were going to be different now. You married me, you took my house vow, you took my name. I thought I knew why. But I don't." She sniffled.

It felt like Alex couldn't breathe. Whatever mess there was, Alex loved her. Kara had to know that Alex loved her. Didn't she? "Kara." Alex reached out, fisting the soft shirt at her waist.

Kara jerked back."No! You don't get to do that! You don't get to touch me like you can make it okay again! You told them-- you told them something private that I only wanted to share with you!"

Oh fuck. She'd been being an asshole, but she hadn't meant to do real damage with it.

Kara was glaring her. "Don't look at me like that. You did it. You can't just be sorry and make it go away."

"I am sorry. I fucked up."

"Fucked up what part? Telling my friends my personal business or having the idea of marrying me in the first place?"

Alex hesitated. Both?

"No." Kara shook her head, shook her whole torso, reading her face, anger and sadness ripe in her posture. "No. You chose to do all of this. You chose it. But why? What do you want, Alex? Just tell me what you actually want!"

"I want you to punish me for all the ways I've hurt you!"

The words were out. Kara went still. Alex's eyes stung. She was going to cry. She hated it when she was going to cry.

"I wanted to help, I always just wanted to help. But you were taking this seriously. You were all in, like you really wanted this to be real. And I can't deal with that. You shouldn't want me! Not after all the things I've done to you. Not after all of the ways I've hurt you. You should be angry. You should want to hurt me back. I want you to want to hurt me back."

And Alex was crying, here, on their bed, Kara a full two feet away, because she pushed her away, because she kept pushing her away. All Alex had was herself, all she deserved was to be hurt and alone.

"That's horrible, Alex."

Alex sagged, stabbed deeper. Because even this, even her need to be deservedly punished was disgusting to Kara. She couldn't look up to see Kara's face, but she knew she'd look appalled. If Kara wouldn't punish her, and Kara never would, she needed to punish herself. She'd do the interview, make sure Kara got her greencard, and then she would go, she had to go. Being near Kara, being loved by Kara, that was so much more than she deserved. The only way to truly suffer was to be away from her.

"Alex. Alex, look at me."

Alex shook her head, resistant.

"Zrhythrevium. Look at me."

The Kryptonian sternness in the command jerked through Alex like a puppeteer's string attached though her spine into her gut. Kara was staring at her, blue eyes so hard and so cold, her legs crossed, but floating a little above the bed.

Her alien princess. Fuck. Alex's chest ached.

Kara reached out and held her face, pressing her fingers into her jaw just hard enough that it might bruise. Alex couldn't move or swallow or breathe, but she could feel her heart pounding in her ears, feel the overwhelming rush of finally.

"You swore my protection." Her fingers released enough so that Alex could almost nod. "You swore to care for my happiness."

Yes. That was all Alex wanted.

"So tell me, would punishing you further do these things? Would it make it better?" Her fingers tightened again. "If I didn't forgive you, if I didn't see how much you love me and allow myself to take sustenance from that, what would I have? What benefit could I take from your punishment? Do you want me to be angry? Do you want me to be unable to let go of the pain?"

"no." Alex had never felt quite so small and squashed, like a bug under the bottom of a glass. Even her need to be punished was selfish. Even in her guilt she hurt Kara more.

Kara released her face. "Then don't ask me to."

Alex hunched her shoulders, nodded.

"If you want to do penance for the hurt you've caused, show me that you love me. I know it shames you to show it, but I value your love more than your suffering. Shame yourself, and give me that."

Alex swallowed down the lump in her throat. Kara had named her punishment. She had to deny herself the urge to make Kara angry with her, to run away, to explode everything when it felt like too much. It would be hard. But that was why it was a punishment. She could obey. She would try so hard to be obedient in this way. "I love you."

Kara settled back down onto the bed. Some of the Kryptonian softened out of her face. The corner of her lips twitched up. She tapped them with her index finger. "Show me."

What? Oh. Alex's heart stuttered in her chest and she had to focus very hard to breathe. Carefully, she got on her hands and knees and crawled across the distance between them. Staying crouched on her knees before Kara, she hesitated, unsure how to finish her approach. Kara sprawled her legs open, one foot dropping off the side of the bed, the other tucked up with a bent knee, and she crooked her finger, summoning Alex between them. Alex shuffled a little forward, still on her knees, and then lifted up, tilting her head, and planting a light kiss on the edge of Kara's lower lip. A suppliant's kiss.

She didn't draw back immediately, hovered for a moment, unable to pull away from Kara's warmth, her scent, her power. Kara nosed forward and caught her mouth, kissing her again, properly this time. Her hand came up to cup Alex's cheek, her tongue traced across the seal of Alex's mouth until she gasped at the feeling of it, opening, and meeting the flat of Kara's tongue with her own.

Kara's hand gripped her waist, and suddenly she was in the air, hovering for a moment, before landing flat on her back on the bed with a hundred and sixty pounds of alien on top of her. Kara kissed her again, rough and firm, and then broke the kiss. "Is this all right? Do you like this?"

Show her. Alex knotted her fingers in Kara's hair, tight as she could, "Yes, yes. I like this." And she dragged Kara back down onto her once more.

#

In the morning, Alex got up and showered, washing her hair and putting on nice slacks and the green shirt Winn had picked out. She covered the light bruises coming out on her face and around her mouth with concealer. She put her leather jacket on over it, and had made coffee and toast by the time Kara emerged from the bedroom, rubbing her eyes.

"Um?"

Alex handed her an already sweetened coffee and can of whipping cream. "We've got a bit of time. Eat up." She had a further eight slices going, pots of jam and butter and nutella open, and they'd be ready and still hot when Kara finished the first batch.

Kara watched her for a long time, and then ate her toast.

They were still nearly an hour early, and there was a crowd in the waiting room suggesting the interviews were probably running behind. Kara sat glancing at her and swinging her feet. Alex had brought a biology journal to read and was pretending to make notes, though she'd read the abstract of the first paper five times and still had no idea what it was about. She thought, though, that she would remember the way Kara had taken off her nerdy plaid sport-coat, revealing the sleeveless blouse underneath, forever.

Kara had kissed her until she couldn't feel her mouth last night. Kara had held her tightly enough that Alex had finally been able to relax and feel safe. Kara had one hand on the chair arm between them and the other in her pocket, fiddling with what Alex knew was her alien registration card.

Alex touched the back of Kara's hand where it hovered between them and then when it opened, she slipped hers in, palm to palm, interlacing their fingers. She squeezed, and Kara looked over at her, warmth taking the place of some of the anxiety in her eyes, and smiled. She took her hand out of her pocket and put it on her thigh.

They sat in silence for a few more minutes, Kara fidgeting, tapping her foot, tweaking her glasses. Then she tapped their interlaced hands. "Come with me?"

Alex stood up, dropped her journal, and was led by her into the coatroom of the courthouse. It was quiet and dim in there, not too many people or noise. Kara breathed out and then turned to Alex. "Can I hold you?"

"Any time." Alex stepped into her arms and burrowed into the hug.

Kara let out a soft sound against her neck, and Alex firmly did not let her hips jerk in response. She'd been a little keyed up all day, but they had work to do. "If everything falls apart and I'm deported, will you--"

"I'm coming with you," Alex said. "Fuck the US. Fuck Earth. If you have to go, I'll go anywhere with you."

Kara mumbled an indistinct sound of pleasure, and she plucked lightly at the back of Alex's shirt. Then her hand snuck underneath it to cup the skin of her back.

It was much harder to not react to that, and Alex let out a muffled squeak and her hips twitched forward. Kara didn't let them move back again, her grip on her back pulling them flush together. Kara hummed into her neck, and the curl of arousal turned into an ache in Alex's core. "Kara," Alex mumbled, half protesting, half really not.

It was strange how Kara had touched her like this so often, close and warm and really too intimate for siblings, and aside from a few times where teenage hormones had made everything so hugely uncomfortable that she'd gotten angry, Alex hadn't reacted to Kara's touch sexually at all. But now anything seemed to send her buzzing into desperate excitement. It was the knowledge that made it arousing, knowing that Kara wanted her. Alex would never ask anything from Kara that she didn't want to give.And Alex always wanted to give Kara whatever she wanted, and if Kara wanted her, Alex would give her herself eagerly.

"Let me touch you." Kara's voice was a purr, and Alex shuddered at the way the vibrations of sound moved through her body.

"Please."

Achingly slowly for someone with superspeed, Kara undid her belt and worked open the fastenings on her trousers, all the while planting kisses and tiny nips along the side of Alex's neck.

Alex's arms wrapped around her shoulders and she clutched at Kara's hair for purchase. Kara straightened, and Alex's feet left the floor, and then, with an oof of released air, Alex's back hit the wall of the coatroom, and Kara's hand was questing down inside her pants. Coats pressed around them, and Alex moaned as Kara found the heat and wetness between her legs.

"Fuck," Kara hissed in her ear, the swear coming from her lips making Alex even wetter. Then she shifted in, grabbing one of Alex's legs and hoisting it so it hooked over her hip, spreading her for easy access. She bit at Alex's neck. Then her fingers were there, parting her folds, finding her entrance, sliding inside, firm and strong and unyielding--unyielding as Supergirl.

Alex tried to muffle her cries as Kara fucked her up against the wall of the courthouse coatroom, scrabbling at Kara's head and shoulders and getting her hair in her mouth, as her back thumped against the wall and fingers thrust inside her. Kara, shifting and testing, changed the angle and direction, hitting different areas, finding sensitive places that Alex had never felt before, making her react in both pleasure and pain. Alex clung, one leg in Kara's free hand, the other scraping the wall for support The ground was too far away and her foot tensed and flexed as Kara's fingers worked inside her. Her thumb found Alex's clit, and it was too much, so quickly. Mouthing and sucking at her neck, Kara settled on an angle that set fireworks through Alex's core, thumb roughly circling her clit, and Alex was coming, hard and overwhelmingly, against Kara's body.

She gasped her come down into Kara's shoulder, fingers still buried inside her, filling her, their presence comforting. Kara slowly released her leg, settling her feet on the floor, though Alex wasn't about to support her own weight for a few minutes, and rubbed comforting circles into her upper back as Alex blinked back tears and tried to steady herself.

"Was that all right?" Kara asked, soft and a little nervous. "Did I hurt you?"

Alex shook her head. "It was-- It was--" words were hard. Kara's hand slowly slipped out from between her legs, leaving a sense of emptiness, and plenty wetness from her arousal and release. "You're perfect."

Kara softened, and very gently, so as not to disturb the bruises from the night before too much, kissed her.

"I have ideas," Alex mumbled half into her mouth. "I said I'm going to show you that I love you, and I have ideas on how I can show you." She nuzzled into her neck, rocking against her, making the suggestion clear. "We're going to try them all. I'm going to love you all over."

"Yeah? You have ideas?" Kara's voice was a little shaky, excited.

"I'm a scientist. I solve problems," Alex mumbled, sounding a little grumpy about it.

Kara laughed and scrunched her up in an embrace. "Yes Dr. Danvers-Ze. Your genius is well-known."

Alex hugged back as hard as she could, with her whole body still tingling with aftershocks. "Come on. We need to get presentable, we have an interview to ace."

#

The interview turned out to be perfunctory and rather straightforward. Address, date of birth, when did you meet, what sort of work does your spouse do, what salaries do you make, who pays the rent, what is your morning routine. The history of being foster siblings and only moving in together and getting married immediately before the greencard application was submitted could have been a red flag, but the bright red hickey on Dr. Danvers-Ze's neck, Mrs. Danvers-Ze's untidy hair, and the way they never let go of each other's hand and kept looking at each other and laughing at each other's answers made it seem pretty clear that even if it was new, it wasn't unwanted.

Petition approved.

#

After a flurry of texts, announcing that it was approved and the other forms had been filed, and now it was just up to the greencard office, Alex found herself in her bedroom with her alien pressed up against her back, her arms around her waist, sniffing her hair.

"Hey," she said, hearing the affection in her voice and not being embarrassed by it for once.

"Hey," Kara mumbled into her neck. Her right hand, cupping Alex's waist, rubbed slightly, affectionately. "Do you still want the house of Ze tattoo?"

Alex almost buckled at the thought. "Yes."

"I want it here," Kara said, rubbing again at the skin of her waist. She tucked up her shirt and found the place with her bare palm. "That way, when I hold you like this, I can have my hand on it."

"O-okay."

"And it's close enough to the hem of your shirt that I can peek to check that you're mine whenever I want to."

Alex's knees went shaky at the thought of Kara sidling up to her in the DEO, pulling up her shirt, and nodding. This one's mine.

"Yeah. I like that. There's good."

"Good." Kara grinned and squeezed her more firmly. "We'll have to tell my mom though."

"Um," said Alex. She had built the Alura AI hologram, but it still made her kind of nervous.

"Um?" Kara inquired.

"Do you think she'd . . . think I was good enough? To join your house?"

Kara's grip tightened to just above bone breaking. "She has no right to judge you." Uncentered, Alex let herself be held. "And if there is anyone, who would understand the harm we can cause when we are only trying to do good, it would be her."

Alex let the tears come. None of them were worthy. And still she loved them.

"Shhh," Kara told her. "Come on, lie down and let me hold you, okay? I just want to hold my wife."

Alex couldn't help the sob at that, but it ripped through her like happiness. Unfamiliar and so bittersweet.

#

When the doorbell rang, Alex grumpily climbed out of bed, extracting her ankle from Kara's petulant grip, and pulled on one of Kara's oversized t-shirts before answering the door.

"Party!" Winn yelped and started inside, carrying a pile of pizza boxes higher than his head.

Lucy, behind him, took a good look at Alex and shook her head. "I told him no surprises. But he wouldn't be talked out of it. Anyways, congrats, for all of it." And Lucy stepped in to hug her.

Even more surprised by this than anything else, Alex hugged back, and glanced awkwardly at the small crowd of other people who had found her undressed in the mid afternoon. She rubbed the back of her head, mussing her already quite mussed hair. "Well, okay. I guess you can come in. I'm going to go get Kara and get some real clothes on."

"You do that," Lucy said. "And make sure Kara doesn't come sauntering out here naked, like you two clearly were ten minutes ago."

Alex scrunched her nose and glared. "We were napping."

"Alex, honey, you're not that married. You're young. You can say you were 'celebrating'."

Alex swatted her.

"Alex? Who--" Kara peeked out from behind the bedroom door, saw the full house, yelped and slammed the door shut.

"Naked," Lucy said.

"You suck." But Alex hustled back to the bedroom, and threw clothes at Kara and made her laugh, and there was a party.

J'onn brought a gift, two gifts really, because one was a box with all of the important things Alex had forgotten to move out of her old apartment, tablecloths, china, actual silver silverware, and even the candlesticks that she had no memory of having, but were in fact an heirloom from Eliza's side of the family and her mom would have in fact killed her if she'd known they were lost.

The other was Eliza.

At least they managed to arrive late enough so that Alex was already wearing pants. However, they also arrived when Alex was sitting between Kara's legs on the couch, with Kara half draped over her shoulder, and putting tiny braids in her hair. And Alex, who wanted to show it, was kissing Kara's cheek every time she tried to say something serious and making Kara go pinker each time.

"You're disgusting," Lucy said.

And then Eliza stepped through the door, and looked, and saw.

Alex offered Lucy a smile. "You're just jealous," and she took Kara's cheek and turned more fully to kiss her on the lips. Kara melted into it, and Lucy made gagging sounds, and Alex forgot why she was kissing Kara, because she always wanted to be kissing Kara. Because Kara wanted to be kissing her, and that was probably the best surprise of her entire life.

"Ugh, you're right, I'm so fucking jealous," Lucy said, and got up to get another drink. And Alex's eyes found her mother, who was watching, expressionless, until she caught her gaze. And then she gave a tight smile and nod, and Alex felt Kara's arms tighten around her, her attention on the interaction. But Eliza did nothing else, just joined the crowd in the kitchen, getting drinks, and talking mostly to J'onn, but also a few of the DEO scientists who Alex probably should have realized were her friends, since everyone else seemed to know and invite them to her parties.

Eliza caught Alex alone an hour or so later, and pressed a thin box into her hand. Alex looked at it, and looked at her, startled. "You need one of these, now that you have your own home," she said.

And Alex looked at the box again, opening the lid to catch a glimpse of the ornate metal case inside. She'd given her her own mezuzah--she'd given it to them, to their house. "Thank you."

There was something different in her mom's face as she looked at Alex. "I'm glad this didn't turn out to be a sacrifice."

There had been sacrifice. So much had been lost. For a moment, Alex wondered if her mom thought that the alien girl had taken her husband and then taken her daughter away too. She had always been sure that her mom cared about Kara more than Alex, put her safety over everything. But even if Eliza had chosen to look after Kara and deal with the consequences, and never questioned that choice, it didn't mean that she didn't regret it.

Alex could never regret it. Never. "Kara has always given me so much more than she's taken away."

Eliza put a small breath out through her nose, non-committal.

"So thank you. Thank you for bringing her into my life."

Eliza's hand closed around her forearm, she squeezed once, lightly. "I'd tell you to take care of her, that it hurts to lose someone you love. But you know that."

"Yeah," Alex said. "So does she."

"You all right?" Kara asked, coming up after Eliza had left her alone. Alex had no doubt she'd heard the entire exchange.

Alex reached out and tangled their fingers together, left hand to left hand. "I am," she said. She brought Kara's hand to her mouth and kissed the back, happy to see Kara's wrinkled nose and embarrassed grin. "How could I not be, when I have such a beautiful wife?"

"You're being a dork."

"Oh, I'm the dork? Have you seen you? And your dorky face?"

Kara gasped in mock horror.

"Your dorky nose and your dorky ears and--"

Kara scooped her up in her arms, spinning her around until she lost her train of thought. "So mean," she said. "You're lucky you're smart, I'd have to reconsider our alliance if you weren't as clever as you are."

"That's how it is, I see," Alex returned. "All these years spent turning myself into a perfect specimen to please you and all you really wanted was my ability to do sums."

"I do like your body," Kara said, letting one hand wander, just for a moment. "But I'm even more attracted to you when you're doing my taxes."

Alex swatted her in indignation, "You're the worst."

Kara laughed.

Every time Alex made Kara laugh was one of the best moments of her life. She thought then, that maybe one day, she'd have enough best moments, so they would push away the worst ones, and fill her up. And then together she and Kara would only ever be happy.

###