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“You’re still mad?”
Harvey pulled up short, the three little words said in a voice he didn’t know well, but had hoped he’d never hear again, floating down the otherwise quiet corridor and stopping him in his tracks. He’d assumed that with none of the other partners’ associates working on anything big right now (or sharing his own associate’s work ethic), that Mike would be the only one in the bullpen at this time of night. Obviously he’d been wrong. But that voice didn’t belong to any employee of the firm. And it didn’t belong anywhere near Mike. Its owner had forfeited that privilege long ago. If he’d ever deserved it to begin with.
Harvey felt his jaw and fists alike clench instinctively. Goddamn Trevor. What the hell was he doing here?
“Mad? Mad??” Mike’s voice this time. “Of course I’m still fucking mad, you asshole! I risked everything to help you! Again! And what did you do?? You screwed me over! Again! Jesus Christ, when am I ever gonna learn??”
Good question, rookie, Harvey thought, but he knew he was more pissed at Trevor for taking advantage of Mike than at Mike for letting him. Mike wasn’t an idiot, and he wasn’t a pushover, he was just … kind. And loyal. Stupidly so sometimes, and to his own detriment, but he didn’t like giving up on people.
Harvey had come to realise that was just who he was and although he lived to give the kid shit for it, in his heart of hearts (and, yes, the great Harvey Specter had a heart, even if it had taken a cocky, mouthy, idealistic, blue-eyed do-gooder to remind him of that fact) he knew he wouldn’t change him for the world. Besides, Mike had him to look out for him now. And he was tough enough for the both of them.
“Look, I … I broke your nose, and I’m sorry for that. But what you’re doing isn’t fair…”
Through the red mist that had descended upon him on hearing that goddamn fucking Trevor, who was about two seconds away from becoming goddamn fucking dead Trevor, had been the one to break Mike’s nose and not some stranger that just got a little too enthusiastic during a pick-up game of basketball as Mike had tried (fairly unsuccessfully, it had to be said) to convince him, Harvey heard Mike scoff at Trevor’s whiny lament.
“I’m not being fair??!” Mike was angrier than Harvey had ever heard him before.
Good. Maybe he’d finally recognised that his loyalty was wasted on his old ‘friend’, who may have been there for them when his parents died (although Harvey was more than halfway convinced he’d been calculating even then and saw it as an opportunity to keep Mike tied to him out of gratitude), but who hadn’t been anything more than a burden to him in years. A millstone around his neck, dragging him down and pulling him back.
We hate it when our friends become successful, Morrissey had sung. Personally Harvey had always celebrated his friends’ wins, having enough of his own to never feel outshone, but Trevor, well, he’d known for years what Harvey had realised minutes after meeting Mike - if given even just half a chance this kid could outshine them all. Trevor resented that, but Harvey, much to his own surprise, found that he didn’t. Instead he found himself wanting to be the one to finally give Mike his chance to shine. And, oh, Trevor couldn’t have that. He couldn’t have Mike finally wake up to the fact he had been manipulating him for years, playing on his gratitude and loyalty, to keep Mike in his place, in Trevor’s shadow, never letting his own light shine. Well, maybe Mike had finally woken up.
No sooner had Harvey thought it than Mike voiced it. “Harvey was right about you.” This time it was Trevor who scoffed.
“Oh yeah? And what did the great Harvey Specter have to say about me? Let me guess, it wasn’t flattering?”
“No, but it was right on the money,” Mike replied. “He said you didn’t really care about me, about our friendship. It was okay when I was just working jobs I hated all day and smoking it up with you at night, but the second I tried to do something with my life, tried to make a go of the one career I’ve ever really wanted, you couldn’t have that, could you? What? Too afraid I’d actually discover that maybe I’m worth more than trailing around after you and getting stoned every night, is that it? That maybe I’d hear what Grammy has been telling me for years, that you’re a user? That maybe I’d move on and forget you?”
“Well, that’s exactly what you did do, isn’t it, Mike!” Trevor roared.
It took all of Harvey’s self-control not to step forward into the bullpen and make his presence known, somehow knowing this was a conversation Mike needed to have without his interference, even if it was out of concern.
“Huh? All it took was some asshole with a $100 haircut in a fancy suit and I was history! Years of friendship forgotten after one meeting with His Highness, Prince Harvey of Harvard! One fucking chance encounter and suddenly I’m the villain of the piece!”
“This wasn’t Harvey’s fault, Trevor. This is on you. And, yeah, me too, for letting you keep me down all these years. I could’ve stood up for myself at any point. I could’ve stuck to what I knew was right and said ‘no’ every time you talked me into doing something stupid. Like memorising that test and selling the answers, or agreeing to do that drug deal for you. And that’s on me. But the truth is, a real friend would never have asked me to do those things. To risk everything I had, my future, my freedom, my safety, just so you could make a few bucks and keep me under your thumb at the same time. Well, no more. I got us out of this one by the skin of my teeth, but that’s it now. We’re done, and I mean it this time.”
“I think you’re forgetting something, Mike.” Trevor’s voice was low, dangerous. Harvey didn’t like it, but he stayed where he was. If things got violent he could be round the corner with his hands round Trevor’s throat in a second.
“Yeah? What’s that?” Mike sounded wary, and Harvey tensed, ready to spring into action if need be.
“Who gave you that black eye? Who broke your nose? You may think you’re better than me, Mike, but I’m still stronger. You think you’re so special? You think your precious Harvey thinks you’re special? Well, you’re nothing! Everything you ever had was because I gave it to you! Do you think anyone else wanted to be friends with Little Orphan Mikey, the freak with the memory? If it wasn’t for me you’d have had your ass handed to you every day on the playground! Never able to keep that big mouth of yours shut. Always having to show the bullies how much smarter than them you were. I was the only thing standing between you and a beatdown every day in high school.”
“Yeah, well, we’re not in high school now, Trevor. Oh, and by the way, that’s what friends are supposed to do! They stand up for you, and with you, and they always have your back, expecting nothing in return, except maybe you doing the same when someone comes at them. Harvey gets that. But, you … you have no idea what friendship is, do you?”
“Friendship? Ha! You really think friendship is what Harvey wants from you? Don’t make me laugh. Jesus, Mike, I thought you were smarter than that. I’ve seen the way he looks at you, and, trust me, it’s a whole lot more than friendly.”
Harvey had barely moved a muscle since he’d first heard Trevor’s voice, but now he was like a statue. Utterly still, he couldn’t move, couldn’t blink, couldn’t even breathe.
“What?” Mike’s voice was quiet, unsure of itself, as if he couldn’t quite believe what he’d just heard.
“You heard. He wants you, Mike, and it’s more than just your mind he’s interested in.”
“Okay, now I know you’re crazy. If you knew anything about Harvey then you’d know he’s the consummate ladies’ man. A real player. He’s not into guys, and even if he were, he’d never be into me.”
“No?”
“No. Harvey could have anyone he wanted. He doesn’t need to settle for someone like me.”
The certainty in Mike’s voice tore at Harvey’s heart. Did he really not know how Harvey felt about him? Did he really think Harvey choosing him would be settling? Didn’t he know he was the most extraordinary person Harvey had ever met? Had ever known, ever loved?
Yes, loved.
Of course, Harvey had tried to fight it at first. He didn’t know what else to do. He’d seen love before and what it could do. His dad had been in love and what had it gotten him but a broken heart and a division of assets? Harvey had loved his dad, but he’d been determined not to repeat his mistakes.
But it had been an unfair fight right from the start. A lifetime of running away, of closing himself off, of witnessing firsthand what love gone wrong could do to a person, versus five minutes in a room with Mike Ross? No contest.
Harvey would’ve liked to have been able to say I let you win to Mike, but the truth was he’d never had a say in the matter. The heart chooses and Harvey’s chose Mike. And when he’d dealt with this Trevor asshole he was finally going to tell Mike that.
“I think Trevor knows as well as I do that being with you would never be settling, Mike,” Harvey said, relieved to find his voice projecting its usual confidence as he rounded the corner and quickly assessed the scene before him, poised to strike if the need arose.
As predicted, the bullpen was empty except for the erstwhile friends. They stood beside Mike’s desk, overflowing with paperwork and Red Bull cans, Mike’s chair pushed back with his suit jacket draped over the back of it. Trevor in a suit Harvey had to concede was half-decent. Mike, face still bruised and swollen from their previous run-in, looking like Edward Norton’s more attractive stunt double from ‘Fight Club’, tie and top button undone and shirt sleeves rolled up. A wave of fondness and an overwhelming need to protect rolled over Harvey. But something else, too. Pride. Admiration. Respect.
Trevor was looming over Mike, but Mike refused to be cowed, head held high, back ramrod straight. All heart and soul, eyes flashing like St. Elmo’s fire. He’d already taken one beating (that Harvey knew of) at this man’s hands and still he stood tall, ready to take another if necessary, but not willing to back down. Mike might not have been able to throw a punch like Harvey, but he was his very own brand of tough.
“And as it seems that genius brain of yours hasn’t been able to work it out for itself, he’s right about me wanting more than friendship with you, Mike. But he’s wrong if he thinks I’d ever try to coerce you into something you didn’t want. You can say ‘no’ to me without it voiding our friendship. Your job here is safe, and always will be as long as I have any say in the matter. And I will always have your back without expecting anything more in return, except the same from you.”
“You … you mean … you …,” Mike stuttered.
“Use your words, rookie.” Harvey grinned.
“You mean it’s true? What he said? You … you want me?”
“I do. Is that gonna be a problem for you?”
A slow smile spread across Mike’s face and he shook his head.
“No, sir. No problem at all.”
Harvey’s heart gave a little kick and of its own accord his hand reached out towards Mike’s. Mike grabbed it without hesitation, still smiling, and Harvey felt himself become practically boneless as all the tension he didn’t realise he’d been holding on to ebbed out of his body. Of course, goddamn Trevor had to break the moment.
“I fucking knew it!” he spat. “Nothing more than a couple of …” Harvey turned to him before he could finish that sentence, contempt written all his over his face.
“A couple of what? A couple of guys who could bury you if you ever show your face around here again? A couple of guys who are smarter, better, stronger than you in every way possible? Yeah, that’s right. We are.” Harvey gripped Mike’s hand harder and felt Mike squeeze his in return.
“I’m also the guy who’s struggling to choose between kicking your worthless ass right now or putting in a call to my good friend, Judge Lawrence, and getting a restraining order against you. One which I’d be happy to have served to you at your workplace, which wouldn’t look too good for you. But then again, neither would turning up missing half your teeth because I’ve knocked them down your throat.” Harvey took half a step forward and was gratified to see Trevor take one back.
“So why don’t you do yourself a favour,” he continued, “and walk away now, before either of those things has to happen. Walk away, out of Mike’s life, for good this time, and never come back. It’s Mike’s time to shine now, Trevor, and because you tried to keep him in the shade you don’t get to bask in his light. And I’m more sorry for you than you can know because you’ll be missing out on the most beautiful thing either of us has ever had the chance to witness. You’ll be missing out on Mike and that’s a loss I don’t envy you. But you brought it on yourself and I don’t intend to make the same mistake. So get out of here while you still can, and never come back.”
“Mike? Say something.” All the bravado gone, Trevor looked and sounded like a pale, hollowed-out version of himself. Harvey could only hope Mike was tough enough to withstand the pathetic sight he made.
“I think Harvey said it all. Go, Trevor, and don’t come back. There’s nothing here for you now.”
Anger flared once more behind his dark eyes, but Harvey had drew himself up to his full height, puffed his chest out and moved to stand in front of Mike, before Trevor could do anything with his ire. Mouth twisting in disgust, he threw them both a final withering glare before turning on his heel and stalking out. Behind him Harvey heard Mike’s breath huff out of him in a rush and he turned in time to see his body seem to crumple into the chair he had abandoned when Trevor had shown up.
“Hey, hey, it’s all right. He’s gone now, and if he knows what’s good for him he’ll stay gone,” Harvey soothed, sinking on to one knee in front of Mike, suit pants be damned, and taking his hand in both of his. Mike just nodded and Harvey felt the tremors running through his lean body.
“Why didn’t you tell me he was the one who broke your nose and gave you that black eye? I didn’t believe that basketball game story for a second, you know.”
“Yeah, I figured,” Mike smiled sheepishly. “But I didn’t want you going away for murder, and that’s what would have happened if I’d told you it was him the day I first walked in here with my face looking like this.”
Harvey nodded, acknowledging the truth in his words. “Hell, kid, it was hard enough not killing him now.”
Mike smiled again, wider this time, but then his eyes flickered away from Harvey’s.
“Hey, what’s going on in that big brain of yours now, rookie?”
Mike glanced up uncertainly, fear and doubt and a dozen other things Harvey wanted to chase from his being forever, clear in his eyes.
“Did you really mean it?” So quiet Harvey, even so close, almost didn’t hear it. “Or were you just saying it to piss him off? Or to get him to back off?”
“Huh?” Harvey’s brain scrambled to catch up with Mike’s before it hit him what he was talking about. He was still doubting Harvey wanted him. Harvey took it all back. The kid was an idiot. But he was Harvey’s idiot.
Harvey rolled his eyes before levelling Mike with one of his patented get with the program, rookie looks.
“Mike, do you remember how I told you being a lawyer is a lot like being a doctor?”
“Yeah, you gotta press until it hurts and then you’ll know where to look.”
“Right. Well, the day you walked into my office, face swollen and bruised, eyes sadder than I’ve ever seen them before, I didn’t need to press to see where it hurt, because I already knew. I already felt it. Right here.” His hand still clasped around Mike’s Harvey raised them both to his own chest, just above his heart. “So, yeah, I wanted to piss him off and I wanted him to back off, but I meant it. I meant every word. I want you, Mike. I love you.”
Mike’s eyes widened at the use of the ‘L’ word and Harvey was suddenly afraid he’d ruined everything. Trying to salvage what he could, he quickly added, “But if you were just pretending you wanted me too in front of Trevor, it’s okay. Because I meant what I said about wanting to stay your friend too. Nothing has to change between us if you don’t want it to, okay? We can still…”
Harvey didn’t get to finish that sentence because warm lips were against his, stubborn and insistent as the man who owned them. Getting with the program himself, Harvey kissed back, his hands finding their way to Mike’s face and cradling it tenderly before he gently broke the kiss. He stayed close, though, and Mike rested his forehead against Harvey’s.
“Wow, I didn’t want that to ever end,” Mike breathed.
“Me neither,” Harvey beamed, “but I was afraid I might hurt you, what with your nose and everything.”
“Trust me, I’m not feeling any pain right now,” Mike beamed back.
Harvey chuckled. “Well, I guess that’s my reputation as a uncaring hardass shot to hell then.”
“Please,” Mike laughed. “Like anyone ever bought that to begin with. You’re a pussycat, Harvey Specter. I’ve known that since the day I met you.”
“Oh, really? And what gave me away?”
“I crashed your interviews, pretended to be someone I wasn’t, dropped a briefcase full of weed at your feet, corrected you on the Sarbanes-Oxley Act, told you I didn’t have a law degree and generally acted like an all-round wiseass - and you still hired me.”
“Maybe I just wanted to get in your pants.”
“You didn’t have to give me my dream to do that, you idiot.”
“No?”
“No.”
“Then what did I have to do?”
“You only had to ask.”
“That easy, huh?”
“For you? Yeah, that easy.”
“Then what the hell are we doing hanging round the bullpen when we could be at home in my condo, wrapped up in bed?”
“Well, I don’t know about you, but this guy, kinda cute, reputation as a bit of a hardass but really just a great big softie, told me he’d tell Donna I’d dissed Richard Gere if I didn’t have the briefs for the Maddox versus Lewis Industries case on his desk first thing in the morning.”
“Fuck Maddox versus Lewis Industries.”
“I’d rather fuc…” This time Mike was the one cut off by firm lips pressed against his own.
“Hold that thought, rookie. Come on, let’s get out of here,” Harvey muttered, getting to his feet and tugging Mike up off the chair and into his waiting arms.
“Aye, aye, captain.” Mike grinned. Harvey rolled his eyes again, but couldn’t keep the answering grin off his own face.
And as he was pulled down on to the bed later that night, by Mike, naked as the day he was born and more lovely than anything Harvey had ever thought possible, he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that he would protect this man in his arms from whatever came their way. Old friends, new enemies, and any and everything in between, if they wanted to hurt Mike they’d have to go through Harvey first. And then they’d see just how much of a tiger this pussycat could be.