Work Text:
“I cannot believe we are still here.”
“Louis, I never thought I’d say this, but I 100% agree with you.”
The two named partners grin at each other, looking around at the glass-walled office that somehow is still theirs, at the firm that is somehow still intact, even after Anita Gibbs’ latest scorched-earth attack.
“We should unwind,” Louis says, clapping Harvey on the back and ignoring his flinch, “like the night Mike went to prison.”
“Wait a minute–” Mike enters the room at that moment– “what’d you do the night I went to prison?”
Harvey smirks. “You remember how we figured out how to get rid of Hardman?”
“You’re kidding. You and Louis–”
“–and don’t forget Jessica.”
As Mike’s jaw drops, Katrina walks in. “What about Jessica?”
“She’s proud of us for once again saving the firm from certain death,” Harvey covers smoothly, ignoring Mike’s gawping.
“But really,” Louis cuts in, “we should have some sort of celebratory bonding exercise!”
Katrina looks at him sharply. “Louis, while I would trust anyone in this room to defend me against criminal charges, I don’t trust any of you to catch me if I fall backwards.”
Harvey looks mildly offended, and Mike flat-out squawks in protest.
“There are other options,” Louis points out. “Strictly verbal games, strategy games . . . Or we could just go home and sleep.”
A shadow crosses Mike’s face as he thinks of going back to his apartment– sadly empty, now that he and Rachel have called it off for good. Harvey catches the look and sighs, “What games are we talking about, exactly?”
Once again brightening, Louis says, “Well, there’s this whole array of games that I always saw Esther playing, but I never got invited. ‘Would You Rather,’ ‘Never Have I Ever’ . . .”
On hearing that option, Harvey releases a snort. “That’s never going to happen. I’m obviously the most experienced one here, and I don’t play games I can’t win.”
“Well . . . We could always make up a special lawyers’ edition,” Katrina remarks.
“Yeah,” Mike adds, “we can amend the rules to suit our purposes. First off, let’s say there’s two winners– the last person in, but also the first person out. And in order to avoid a repeat of today’s disaster, nobody can say anything that could implicate any of us or our coworkers in a crime or open us to litigation.”
“It’d be fun if we had a version of ‘taking the fifth,’” Katrina muses.
“Maybe you can lie in your response on at most one turn,” Louis contributes.
“I’m in!”
They turn around and find Benjamin has somehow materialized in the doorway, smiling broadly at them.
“Well, then . . .” Harvey rolls his eyes, “I guess it’s time for a teenage girl sleepover party. Next we can do each other’s hair.”
“Hey, would you let me–”
“No, Louis.”
Thus they end up sitting in a circle in Harvey’s office, waiting for their managing partner to make the first move.
“Never have I ever slept with a– hang on, that’s not actually true anymore. Never have I ever seen Louis shirtless.”
He grins as everyone else folds a finger.
“That’s not fair, there’s a mirror in my bathroom, that guarantees I lose a finger!”
“That’s how the game’s played.”
Mike shoots their IT specialist an odd look. “Benjamin?”
“There are more cameras in this firm than you people realize.”
Katrina just shakes her head and mutters, “Damn mudding.”
Harvey: 10. Mike: 9. Louis: 9. Benjamin: 9. Katrina: 9.
“Just to be clear–” Mike narrows his eyes at Harvey– “never have I ever wanted to see Louis shirtless.”
“Okay, that’s not fair either–” Louis breaks off into a gasp. “Katrina?”
“There have been times,” she admits, eyes downcast, “when I have had a lapse in judgement.”
Mike glares at their IT specialist. “Benjamin.”
“Okay, so maybe I installed some of those cameras.”
Harvey: 10. Mike: 9. Louis: 8. Benjamin: 8. Katrina: 8.
“Oh you . . .” Louis shakes his fist at Harvey. “Never have I ever flirted with Jessica Pearson.”
“Now we’re talking–” Harvey beams as he puts his first finger down, only to frown. “Back up, Louis, you’ve definitely flirted with Jessica.”
“No, I haven’t!”
“Just because you did it by accident doesn’t mean you didn’t do it. You gaped just like every other associate back then!”
“Benjamin,” Mike protests.
“Just because she didn’t notice doesn’t mean I didn’t do it!”
Harvey: 9. Mike: 9. Louis: 8. Benjamin: 7. Katrina: 8.
Benjamin simply announces, “Never have I ever willingly bought a Mac product.”
“Hang on,” Mike says, “have you been coerced into buying a Mac product?”
“You should fear the Apple fandom, Mike.”
Harvey: 8. Mike: 8. Louis: 7. Benjamin: 7. Katrina: 7.
Wearing a smug smile, Katrina says, “Never have I ever spent a consecutive 365-day period employed by Pearson Specter Litt.”
“Mike,” Harvey scowls, “you’ve definitely worked a full year at the firm.”
“Ah, but she didn’t say the firm, she said ‘Pearson Specter Litt.’”
“I meant the firm–”
“But you didn’t say it,” Mike grins. “I worked at Pearson-Hardman for a full year, and at Pearson Specter for a full year, but Pearson Specter Litt? Nope.”
“Ugh,” Katrina says, “you need to pick a name and stick with it. Unless you’re going to add ‘Bennett’ in there, of course.”
Harvey: 7. Mike: 8. Louis: 6. Benjamin: 6. Katrina: 7.
Harvey whips out his most lecherous smirk as he says, “Never have I ever had sex in the office.”
“Missing out, man,” Mike replies, throwing back a smirk of his own.
Harvey inhales sharply before murmuring, “I didn’t need that image.”
“Louis,” Katrina near-whispers, “you had sex in the office?”
“Is it so utterly impossible to imagine me as a wild, untamed associate desperately in need of discipline by my betters?”
“. . . And I definitely didn’t need that image.”
Then Mike looks at their IT specialist and exclaims, “Benjamin!”
“I’m not under oath, you’re not getting any more details out of me.”
“That’s . . .” Mike grimaces. “That’s actually probably good.”
“But let’s just say The Donna isn’t my only project.”
“Benjamin!”
Harvey: 7. Mike: 7. Louis: 5. Benjamin: 5. Katrina: 7.
Mike grants them all a beatific smile before saying, “Never have I ever graduated from a school in Cambridge.”
“Low blow, kid. I’m proud of you,” Harvey chuckles.
Harvey: 6. Mike: 7. Benjamin: 4. Louis: 4. Katrina: 6.
“Never have I ever tasted a Stilton,” Louis announces, “without pairing it with an excellent port.”
Katrina shudders. “Why would anyone eat a Stilton without port?”
“I can’t possibly imagine, but it seems those two uncultured swine can tell you . . . Hang on, Harvey. You’ve never tasted a Stilton without port? I– I’m proud of you–”
“I haven’t, given that I have no idea what the hell a Stilton is.”
“. . . Never mind, I need to take your name off the wall at the soonest opportunity.”
Harvey: 6. Mike: 6. Louis: 4. Benjamin: 3. Katrina 6.
“Never have I ever–” Benjamin surveys the other four before proceeding– “wanted to hit Louis Litt in the face.”
“That’s because you’ve never dealt with him alone for more than two minutes,” Harvey says.
“Possibly.”
“Katrina–” Louis stares at her once again– “I’m shocked and flattered.”
“I’m an archer, Louis, I fantasize about shooting you in the chest.”
“As a fellow marksman, I can respect that.”
“Louis,” Mike says with a puzzled frown, “why did you put a finger down?”
“I admit, I have occasionally caught sight of my face in a mirror and thought that, really, it is a supremely punchable visage.”
“Self-awareness is a virtue,” Harvey remarks.
Harvey: 5. Mike: 5. Louis: 3. Benjamin: 3. Katrina: 6.
“Never have I ever worn a man’s suit,” says Katrina.
“Mike,” Harvey scolds, “you can’t call those rags ‘suits.’”
“But Harvey, I spent 500 dollars!”
“Oh, shut up,” he says, voice undeniably fond.
Harvey: 4. Mike: 4. Louis: 2. Benjamin: 2. Katrina: 6.
It’s Harvey’s turn. “Never have I ever worn a dress . . . Of course you did, Louis.”
“I was playing Lady Bracknell!” Louis exclaims.
“Someone here is lying,” Benjamin says under his breath, “and I know who it is.”
Harvey: 4. Mike: 4. Louis: 1, Benjamin: 2. Katrina: 5.
“Never have I ever ridden a bicycle without a helmet,” Mike says.
After a moment, Benjamin observes, “We’re all a lot more risk-averse than our arrest records would suggest.”
Harvey: 4. Mike: 4. Louis: 1, Benjamin: 2. Katrina: 5.
“In honor of the salacious reputation that this game enjoys out in popular culture,” Louis says, “never have I ever had a sexual fantasy involving cheesy legal jargon.”
“Define cheesy,” Benjamin immediately demands.
Katrina gives him a look. “If you have to to ask . . .”
Harvey had lowered a finger, but he slowly unfurls it.
“Harvey?” Mike asks.
“I can’t remember whether I’ve ever had a fantasy, or whether it’s always been real-life.”
“Harvey!”
“I specialize in mergers, what do you expect?”
Harvey: 4. Mike: 4. Louis: 1, Benjamin: 1. Katrina: 4.
“Never have I ever had a net worth of over fifty million dollars,” says Benjamin.
Harvey Specter would never pout, but he comes close. “Did you just make me feel slightly insecure about my financial situation?”
Harvey: 4. Mike: 4. Louis: 1. Benjamin: 0. Katrina: 4.
“Regardless,” Benjamin says, “I’m our first winner.”
“That’s not fair,” Katrina retorts. “You can’t say something that’s false on your turn.”
“Unless he just saved his fifth amendment right until now, because we never specified that you couldn’t use it to respond to your own statement,” Mike points out.
Harvey groans. “I can’t believe I have to win this by lasting the longest. This game has been aggravatingly non-sexual.”
“Well,” Mike chuckles, “if lasting is a problem for you, then maybe you should stick to non-sexual games from now on.”
“Never have I ever wanted to punch Mike Ross. Oh wait, no false statements.”
“Wait your turn!” Mike says, swatting him on the shoulder.
“Never have I ever slept with a woman,” Katrina says.
Louis throws up his hands, crying, “And so my sexual prowess does me in!”
Harvey: 3. Mike: 3. Louis: 0. Katrina: 3
“Never have I ever been hired by Harvey Specter for a job,” Harvey says.
Harvey: 3. Mike: 2. Katrina: 2.
“Okay, I know I should do something obviously strategic like ‘Never have I ever stood face-to-face with Mike Ross,’ but . . . Never have I ever spent over an hour doing my hair.” Mike looks at the results and grins. “Just as effective.”
Harvey: 2. Mike: 2. Katrina: 1.
“Hmm,” Katrina says, considering. “Along the same lines, never have I ever spent more than thirty seconds gazing at Harvey Specter’s chin or cheekbones.”
“How?” Louis yelps. “How can you resist the thrall?”
“You gaze at me, Mike?”
“You gaze at you, Harvey?”
Harvey: 1. Mike: 1. Katrina: 1.
“Never have I ever checked out Harvey Specter’s– hang on, that’s not technically true.” Harvey sighs, rubbing his forehead, and says, “All right, never have I ever worked for Louis.”
“Oh, come on . . .” Mike protests.
“It’s a fair, if boring, move,” Katrina says with a shrug. “And I already used my fifth amendment right.”
“So did I,” Mike admits. “Okay, Harvey, you won fair and square.”
They look over at Louis, who is downright shaking with excitement. “I can’t believe we did that! We bonded! Next up is ‘Truth or Dare’!”
The other four look at each other. “Actually . . ."
“I have work.”
“Same.”
“I gotta go.”
“I’m not playing anything more unless we get drugs this time.”
The shout goes up in unison: “Benjamin!”
Harvey moves to his desk to work, and the others start to filter out. Mike is the last to leave, but Harvey calls out while he’s in the doorway, “Hey, did you take the fifth on the dress question?”
Mike spins around, a funny expression on his face. “I don’t have to tell you if I took the fifth.”
“And yet you just did,” Harvey smirks.
“In return, can I say what I would have said if I made it to my next turn?”
“What?”
“Never have I ever wanted to have sex with Mike Ross.”
Harvey matches his gaze, poker face firmly in place as he contemplates his answer. “I would have taken the fifth.”
Mike nods, walks out of the room calmly, and waits until he’s safely in the elevator to break out into cheers.