Chapter Text
Sasuke couldn't care less about his upcoming wedding. He was supposed to marry Sakura Haruno. He wasn't madly in love with her, really, he wasn't in love with her at all, but their families considered this union a good business deal, and she was delighted, and he wasn't opposed.
That was true until he realized that his wife-to-be expected actual romance. Unfortunately, by that point it was too late for second thoughts since he would've disappointed his father, and his father being disappointed with him would be his worst nightmare coming true. So he relented. His assistant, Karin, was burdened with finding proper locations and activities, and Sasuke hid his lack of enthusiasm and partook in dating. He's always considered it a waste of time but it turned out it was simply yet another business skill he had to master. And so he did. His secretary stalked Sakura's social medias, and suggested best gifts to shower his fiancee with. So far, she’s been amazed.
Sasuke was actually surprised since Karin was hiding neither her hate (unfounded) towards his fiancée nor her infatuation (also unfounded) with him. Perhaps, on the subconscious level he hoped Karin would screw it up for him, so he wouldn't have to feel responsible for being a disappointment. Anyhow, Karin was good at romance, and Sasuke was good at pretending it was genuine.
Sakura was probably pretending as well. She liked flaunting their relationship on her Instagram and Facebook, just like she liked posting pictures of expensive coffees and her work out routines. It wasn’t that she was shallow—at least not so much—she had a degree in pharmacy, and, apparently, was brilliant since she was managing some of the more important projects in her family's company but, still, the majority of her free time was being taken up by trying to impress her followers and subscribers, and fans. Not that Sasuke really minded. Doing things that would impress them was much easier than actually trying to romance someone.
And she was usually doing all the talking, and when she wasn't, she was glued to her phone, so Sasuke was actually able to focus on his work. And this was fine.
Was. Until Sakura decided that she wanted to meet his friends. Sasuke didn't have any friends, he didn't have time for friends. Still, she knew him as a charming young man, and charming young men had friends.
Somehow, he was able to distract her with a romantic gateway to a rustic winery.
It didn't work for too long. She wanted to meet his friends again. And then she asked to meet his best man.
And Sasuke didn't have a best man. He would've asked Itachi to do the honors but his brother died two years ago. And Sasuke had no-one ever since.
„You've already met my bridesmaid,” she pouted. He did meet Ino. She too was a social media celebrity, and she had even more followers than Sakura, what resulted in them fighting. „We're getting married in a month, and I don't even know who it'll be,” she complained. Actually, it was the first time she's asked about the best man. Before, it was all about cakes, desserts, salad dressings and other things Sasuke didn't care about.
„He's busy,” he replied. He doesn't exist, he thought. He made a mental note to contact Karin and tell her to find him someone to fill the role. It would be just one more thing he'd be faking.
„You've never introduced me to your friends,” Sakura mumbled out. „Are you ashamed of me?”
„No, of course not,” he assured her. He couldn't just tell her I don’t have any friends. „You'll meet them, I promise. I'm afraid all of my friends are workaholics, just like me,” he tried to distract her with a weak, weak, weak joke.
„You're simply ambitious and dedicated,” she disagreed with him, and smooched him on the lips. He returned the kiss, methodologically, remembering to brush against the left corner of her mouth. They didn't have sex yet. Sasuke was terrified of it, he's never had any sexual relationship with anyone, and he had to impress Sakura. So he was pulling it off for as long, as he could, and as long, as he could was for after the wedding. He sighed internally. This was one thing Karin couldn't do for him. Well, at least he could prepare in advance, read up on the subject, watch some movies (was there an instructional video for sex?), and perhaps buy something to ensure he'd get an erection since he wasn't attracted to Sakura.
He generally wasn't attracted to women. He'd find a man attractive every once in a while but he didn't have time for this, and he didn't have time for dealing with this whole I'm gay issue since (for whatever reason) gay people were expected to announce their sexuality to their family and friends, and he didn't feel like doing anything of the sort.
Sakura looked at him expectantly, so Sasuke sent her a smile and apologized for not listening to her, and asked her to repeat the question.
“I need to meet him before the wedding,” she voiced her demand. He agreed. He had no other choice.
“Karin, good job at the meeting,” Sasuke said. He was on the way to his office, and she was heavily blushing. She was also looking away from him, and wearing a nasty frown on her face. He knew she had a crush on him, so there was no reason for her to pretend she didn't but, to be honest, it didn't really bother him. She was the best assistant he's ever had. “I need a best man for the wedding,” he informed her. “And some friends. Sakura wants to meet them.”
“Excuse—,” she stopped herself from saying more. Sasuke was well aware of how bizarre of a request it was, so he wouldn't mind it if she did comment on it but he was nevertheless grateful that she didn't. “When?” she asked instead.
“As soon as possible,” he replied.
“I'll schedule a meeting with my cousin,” she informed him. “You have a window open tomorrow at two pm. Or am I wrong?”
“Two pm is okay with me,” he assured her. “Your cousin?” he inquired. He wouldn't call himself a snob but Sakura was snobbish. Karin was a highly trained specialist, she was up for promotion sometime soon (and Sasuke was already mourning this loss), and, to be absolutely honest, he would much rather marry Karin than Sakura, there was far less pretending with Karin, Karin knew him, and she liked him. Sakura was in love with her projection of him. Unfortunately, despite all of Karin's good qualities, she wasn’t the right person to show off on Instagram.
“He's a best man for hire,” she explained. “He’ll be whoever you want him to be. I think he'll also be able to find you some friends.”
“Alright,” he agreed, somewhat assured. “Tomorrow at 2 pm then.”
Naruto yawned, sitting in a rather expensive restaurant, waiting for his cousin’s boss to arrive. He looked around. He's already ordered a coffee, and while it cost more than the coffee he was usually drinking, it definitely wasn’t worth its price. He was guessing it was all for show. He made his living by doing things for show so he didn't really mind it.
He straightened up when he noticed a man heading right towards his table. He looked as if he was around his age. And as if someone shoved a stick so far up his ass that there was no hope of ever pulling it out without a professional excavation team. Most of his clients were like this. The only thing distinguishing this one from the rest was the fact that he was actually handsome. Like, he was born handsome, he wasn't just made out to look handsome (honestly, having money helped in looking good).
“I hope I didn't keep you waiting,” the man said, taking a seat opposite from Naruto. “I'm Sasuke Uchiha, I believe my assistant has already informed you of my situation,” he added before Naruto could answer that no, you came right on time, I was early.
“Yeah, she did,” he replied. “You want to hire me as your best man. And you need some fake friends.”
“Exactly,” the brunette said. Most of Naruto's clients were ashamed of being lonely but this one looked like he didn't really care. He probably didn't really care about what Naruto thought of him. And he wasn't even trying to explain why he was lonely. Most of Naruto’s clients did. They would say they were too busy with work or that they had been living abroad, or whatever else. This one didn't. He probably believed it was none of Naruto's business. Well. He could deal with that.
“What exactly do you need?”
“My fiancée will want to meet you and them. I want her to like you,” he answered. “And you need to look as if you belonged to my social circle,” he added. Naruto mentally rolled his eyes.
“Sure, I can be boring,” he chirped. The other man raised his eyebrows in a mild surprise but that was all the reaction Naruto got from him. “If you are going to hire me, we will need to meet for longer than just one hour,” he said. “We’ll need to prepare a convincing lie—“
“Talk this through with Karin, she knows me well enough,” the brunette interrupted him.
“This isn't how this works,” Naruto protested. “I need to be convincing. I need to get to know you. And we need to get used to each other company,” he explained. The brunette merely frowned. Well, it's not like I want to get to know you. “Look, Sasuke,” he sighed. The man tilted his head. So he wasn't used to being referred to by his first name by strangers. Pompous asshole. “Neither of us wants this to come to the light of day. Unfortunately for me, with you being a part of this, it would become a scandal, this would make my future work really difficult, and I need my job,” he said. “So. You're going to spend one evening with me, and later on you'll have to spend another one with me and your new friends. These are my terms. I know you'll find this surprising but I’m in high demand. I agreed to doing this mostly because my cousin asked me to,” he barked. The brunette frowned at him and massaged his temples with straightened fingers. “How will it be?”
“Fine,” the man sighed. “But I want to get this over with by the end of the week,” he hissed.
“This can be arranged,” Naruto agreed.
Sasuke let out a tired sigh, resting his back against a couch. That man insisted he needed to come to his house because this would make getting to know him easier. Sasuke didn't like having people in his flat. He liked living alone. He wasn't used to having guests. And he definitely didn't like the idea of letting a stranger into his life.
The only reason he even agreed to it was that he trusted Karin. Oh, and he had no other choice.
He groaned and massaged his temples. He's told his fiancée that his best friend finally came to the city, and she obviously wanted to meet him but Sasuke somehow managed to convince her they needed some guys time. Whatever it meant.
The entry phone rang, so he got up to let the man in, and waited near the doors until he finally came in.
“Hey,” the blonde greeted him and walked in despite not hearing an invitation. “Nice flat,” he commented after looking around.
“Thank you,” Sasuke replied. The blonde shoved a plastic bag into his hands. Sasuke looked into it. Alcohol. Some beers, booze and some juice. He let out yet another sigh.
“I thought you might need this to relax,” the man chirped and walked towards a wall adorned with pictures. “I guess this is your family,” he said, pointing at a photo. Sasuke nodded. “Before we start,” the blonde murmured, “let’s get one thing straight. We’re not friends, we’re not going to become friends,” he announced. “This is just business, and you're only my client. You're paying me, and I'm pretending to be your friend. None of it is real, none of it will become real. Are we clear?”
“Of course,” Sasuke replied, feeling somewhat offended. On one hand, if the blonde was able to make his clients believe their friendship was real, he could probably fool their families as well but, on the other hand, Sasuke couldn't help but feel annoyed. He wasn't looking for friends. And even if he was, befriending this guy was beyond stupid. He was like an escort. He'd say anything to get paid.
“Sasuke, if you ever think that perhaps we’re real friends, please, remember that we're not,” the blonde insisted. Sasuke rolled his eyes and glared at the ceiling. “I'm serious,” the man barked.
“Believe me, there's no way I’d ever want to have you as my friend,” Sasuke assured him with a sigh. “Let's get this over with.”
“Okay,” the man huffed. “So, your family,” he started. “I guess this is your dad,” he said, pointing at Sasuke's father and leaving oily fingerprints all over the picture. Sasuke frowned at this and made a mental note to wipe everything the blonde was touching after he'd leave.
“You're correct,” he admitted. “What of it?”
“What's your relationship like?”
“He's strict and rather distant,” Sasuke replied. “He treats me more like an employee than a son but he's a good, respectable man. I've been trying to impress him my whole life.”
The blonde shot him a surprised look. “Hey, you’re pretty sincere,” he commented. “Well, it'll just make everything easier.”
“There's no point in lying to you,” Sasuke pointed out.
“Huh, yeah, you're right,” the man mumbled out. “But people are usually more secretive—“
“I do value my privacy,” Sasuke interrupted him. “I'm not a sharing kind of person. But this too will make your job easier. Nobody will wonder why this is the first time they see you.”
“I guess,” the blonde agreed. “So, your mother. This is her, right?”
Sasuke nodded.
“You took after her,” the man smiled. “What is she like?”
“She's,” Sasuke paused and breathed in. He loved his mother, he loved her a lot. “We're close,” he answered.
“Ah, so you’re momma's boy,” the blonde laughed.
“Some people could see it this way but I don't think I'm momma's boy,” Sasuke hissed. “My mother is simply more… approachable than my father,” he explained. “You don't have to know too much about my family, I wouldn't tell you anything anyways,” he sighed.
“Don’t tell me how to do my job,” the blonde barked back. “You've hired me because I'm the best, and there's a reason why I'm—“
“I've hired you because Karin suggested you, and I don’t have time to be picky,” Sasuke disagreed.
“She doesn’t like me,” the man snorted. “Believe me, it's not nepotism. If she could, she would've suggested somebody else but, apparently, her loyalty to you is greater than her dislike towards me. This too tells me a lot. Especially since I actually do like her.”
“I really don't care,” Sasuke replied. The blonde was tiring. Getting married was tiring. He'd much rather go to sleep. But he couldn't, so he fished into the bag and took out a beer.
“I've bought fancier things,” the other man noticed. “Hell, I've bought fancier beers,” he snorted. “Are you too annoyed to be picky or am I simply too unimportant to try to impress me with your superior taste?”
“What?” Sasuke barked.
“That restaurant we've met in for the first time,” the blonde started to explain, “it's one of the fashionable ones but the food there isn't really good, and I think anyone with working taste buds knows this,” he said. “Scheduling a meeting in a restaurant you've never tried isn't a good business practice, so that was to impress me—“
“Do you really think I have time to worry about something this irrelevant? Karin chose it,” Sasuke interrupted him with a heavy sigh. The guy was an idiot. A fucking idiot. A fucking idiot, who watched too much Sherlock and now thought himself to be smart. The worst kind of a fucking idiot. Sasuke swallowed a curse. He should've known something was wrong when the guy admitted that Karin didn't like him. Of course she fucking didn't. He was obnoxious. “Are you going to be this annoying around my family?”
“No, you wanted me to be boring so I will be boring,” the blonde growled back. “But I have no reason to spare you,” he smiled. “Tell me more about your mother.”
Sasuke refrained himself from rolling his eyes. “She's an interior designer by trade but it's more of a hobby than an actual job,” he muttered. “Her family is rich, and she owns a few companies. My father made these companies into his own empire,” he sighed, making a quotation marks with his fingers, very well aware of how ridiculous he sounded, “she's rather traditional but not exactly conservative,” he said. “Everyone likes her.”
“Ah, so you're nothing like her,” the blonde whispered.
“Fuck you,” Sasuke hissed. “I'm paying you—“
“To pretend to be your friend in front of your family,” the man finished his sentence. “You're not paying me to be nice to you,” he pointed out. “Besides, bickering is something most friends do. You should get used to it,” he concluded.
“Let me guess, you've started this business,” Sasuke hissed, once again making quotation marks with his fingers because really, calling this thing the blonde was doing a business was an overreach, “because you yourself don't have any friends. You probably have no idea why but it's just because you have a shitty personality.”
Naruto glared at his client. The asshole was right. Naruto didn't have any friends, there were just people he knew, and he knew a lot of people but if he himself was about to get married, asking any of them to become his best man would've been… embarrassing. He might've as well asked that guy working in the grocery shop near his apartment block, this was how far Naruto's relationships went.
Nevertheless, there was no reason to admit it to the smug jerk. For a short while he considered dropping this job because he knew that Sasuke's wife to be was oversharing when it came to her personal life, and so it would complicate his business a lot. She was going to post a picture of him, and so for his next jobs, he'd have to take it into consideration. He hoped she wouldn't write his name anywhere. Unfortunately, Karin decided to contact Naruto through his mother. Just to make sure he had no way of saying no. She played the family card, and Naruto's mother would've never forgiven him if he refused.
“Nope, I just have a soft spot for socially awkward losers like you,” Naruto chirped, gaining himself another tired sigh. There were days, when he liked his job. There were clients, who were genuinely likeable. Sasuke wasn't likeable, and he made Naruto hate his job within less than two hours.
It was going to suck.