Chapter Text
Steve slammed his hand onto the desk with a bang, making everyone flinch back. “Because I said so,” he grated out through clenched teeth.
Tony took a steadying breath and bit his tongue. Don’t say it, don’t say it, don’t say it. But, as usual, Tony’s mouth was on cruise control, locked to highway speeds of asshole. “You can’t tell me what to do. You’re not my real mom,” Tony quipped back, and Steve’s eyes flashed. Well, that was a new record. He managed to push Steve all the way into rage, and the other Avengers hadn’t even rolled their eyes and left the room yet.
“I don’t have time to explain myself in the field, Tony. You have to trust my command.”
“What if it’s a stupid command?”
“That’s not how a team works!”
“Well, I don’t actually remember signing a contract to that effect so…”
Steve’s jaw did that thing where it looked like there was someone behind him with an allen wrench screwing it tighter and tighter. He was just so full of himself. Tony had no control over his impulse to respond to dictatorial authority with sass, it just happened. Not that he felt that bad about it happening all over Steve, but he knew the rest of the team was getting sick of it. He wondered how long he could be an asshole before they decided the money and tech weren't worth it.
“I can’t do this right now,” Steve bit out and swept out of the room.
“Well.” Tony looked around at the gathered Avengers. “I feel a bit hard done by. I was all geared up for a lovely fight and now I’ve been left high and dry and unsatisfied.”
“At least you still have your hand to keep you company,” Natasha said, breezing out of the room after Steve. Clint chuckled, leaning even further back in his chair, feet propped up on the table.
Tony rolled his eyes and stood, pulling his phone out. “Whatever. I’m going to accomplish something actually useful.”
He walked out, headed for the stairs, flicking through the notifications he’d missed during the Avenger’s meeting/yell-at-Tony-fest. He felt the tension slip away as he entered his safe haven, the screens and lights flickering to life as he walked across the shop so his desk. “Hey, kids, how’s it going?” DUM-E and U waved their claws at him in greeting. Tony ran his hand over DUM-E’s chassis as he walked by, then settled at his desk in front of a vast bank of holoscreens. “Hey, U. Hit me. But don’t put any windshield washer fluid in it this time, I think I’m going blind.” The blender whirred to life behind him.
Tony poked around aimlessly on the internet for a while, then, once U had trundled over and handed him a cup of suspiciously blue smoothie, Tony settled into his latest project: gravimetric anomalies. Jane had handed the torch off to him and Bruce on that topic, feeling a bit rung out after her experiences in Asgard. Either that or she was too distracted by Thor being on Earth for once.
“I think we have a wrong variable in this equation,” Tony called out when he heard the door open.
Footsteps shuffled up behind him. “No, it’s just in the wrong spot - look.” Bruce pointed at the holoscreen and Tony started typing, fixing the equation. “You don’t have to purposely antagonize him, you know.”
“I don’t do it on purpose,” Tony muttered. “I piss him off just by existing.”
Bruce sighed, pulling up a seat to perch next to Tony. “You could at least try to tone it down.”
“I have limited mental resources. Putting energy into getting Rogers to like me sounds like a waste of them. Besides, he’d see right through a fake smile immediately. It’s fine.”
Bruce mumbled something to himself.
“It is fine,” Tony reiterated.
“It’s not, really. It causes problems when two members of the team can barely be in the same room with each other. Especially when he’s in charge and you’re…” Bruce trailed off.
“R&D?”
“I was going to say Daddy Warbucks, but sure.” Bruce leaned back in his chair and stuck the lid of his pen between his teeth.
“Well, Annie, if he weren’t such a self-righteous prick, I might find it easier to fake it. If his horse were any higher, he’d need an oxygen tank. I don’t deal well with the Mr. Moral High Ground thing, especially when he thinks he’s my boss.”
“Hey, now. Be fair,” Bruce chastised gently. “Just because you disagree on some fundamental issues, doesn’t mean he’s being a prick. Besides, you give as good as you get on that front.”
Tony fluttered his eyelashes at his lab partner. “Flatterer.”
“Can we focus on the science?” Tony could see Bruce’s lips twitching though. For all of his seriousness, he really was a good sport.
“Well, now you’re just blatantly flirting.”
“Sorry, Tony.” Bruce shot him a wry smile. “You’re not my type.”
Tony grinned back. “Too much dick?”
“Too much of one.”
“Ouch, Brucie Bear.”
Bruce pointed at the screen. “That makes no sense whatsoever.” Tony fixed the error then started a new section of the formula, and Bruce followed along, pointing with his pen whenever he noticed something not coming out right. As they sunk into the science, Tony felt himself calming further.
It wasn’t like he enjoyed his temper flaring up at every team meeting, he just couldn’t help it. Working helped, however, and after a few hours they had twice as many holoscreens open and had eaten their way through an impressive amount of leftover Thai food. Tony waved his chopsticks at Bruce from where he sat on the floor. “But how do we get past the exponential distances? And there’s also -”
A blaring alarm broke through Bruce’s peaceful background music and they both leapt to their feet. “For fucks sake, we just had one,” Tony whined as they hustled out the door. “Don’t wait up!” he turned to yell at the bots, pulling the door shut behind him.
The others were already in the jet when he and Bruce hit the deck. Bruce climbed in and shut the doors, while the bots assembled the combat armour around Tony. As soon as the HUD flickered to life, JARVIS threw up the assemble info and Tony let it scroll by in his periphery as he and the quinjet pulled away from the tower.
They didn’t have far to go, a water treatment plant in Midtown, and Tony was the first to arrive, landing hard on the pavement with one fist down to stabilize himself while the jet rolled to a stop behind him. Nat, Clint, and Cap marched out of the back of the jet, Bruce hanging back and waiting for a Code Green. Tony flicked his eyes over to the still-scrolling briefing. Sewer - alien looking creature thing - attacked a city worker - etc etc.
“Alrighty,” he called. “Tag ‘em and bag ‘em? Perfect. Go team. Ready? Break!” He fired up the repulsors, but Steve held out a hand stilling him.
“Wait. We need a plan.” Even under the cowl, Tony could see that he had his grim Tony Stark, you go to your room, face on and Tony could feel his hackles rising in response.
“I am a plan, Cap. I’m looking at the footage from the city workers right now, this thing’s not that tough. C’mon. I’ll zip through til I find it, then I’ll chase it your way, you guys can shut it down.”
‘Tony -”
Steve was going to want to do that talking thing, which inevitably turned into that screaming thing, when Tony was around. “Look. If we don’t get moving on this I’m going to miss Say Yes to the Dress . Wait here, I shall deliver unto you a creepy sewer monster. Forty minutes or it’s free.” Tony blasted off, high into the air, then turned and dove, blasting the nearest manhole cover out of the way with his repulsor and descending into the sewer.
Everything instantly went dark and quiet. The passageways were wide here, in preparation for entering the water treatment plant, but the only light was from the arc reactor, and the only sound was the repulsors’ rush bouncing off the curved walls. “J, I’m going to need some kind of tracking for this thing - heat signature, breathing, try its cell and we can follow its Game of Thrones ringtone - anything.”
JARVIS was quiet for two heartbeats, then information started spewing up on the HUD. “It gives off an unusual infrared aura, we can trace it that way. I’ve uploaded the sewer map onto your screen.” Tony saw the little red dot flicker to life on the map.
“Thanks, J.” He turned at his next left, whipping through the tunnels at what would be breakneck speed if he weren’t wrapped in very agile metal. Cap and the spy twins were chattering away on the comm, apparently having descended as well, but Tony turned the sound down, disinterested and still burning a little hot from his earlier fight with Steve. It felt good to be flying, even underground, the tight turns and risky closeness of the sewer walls singing in his veins.
Tony whipped around one last corner and there it was. He pulled up, slamming to a halt, then hovered above the water, hands out in front of him threateningly with repulsors glowing. The thing spun at the sound of his arrival, facing him with its mouth open and its tail up.
It looked kind of like a crocodile, in the same way that a hellhound looked like a golden retriever puppy. It had rigid, jagged scales along its back and a wide, gaping mouth filled with angry, yellow teeth. Its thick, spiked tail whipped back and forth in its rage and it snapped its jaws, even as it backed itself against the wall. It roared.
“Hey buddy,” Tony tried. “There’s a good crocodile beast thing. I’m going to need you to go ahead and roll on your back, belly up and put that tail of yours away so I can deliver you to the proper authorities. What do ya say?” The beast gnashed its jaws, spraying orange spittle everywhere and feigned a forward rush, slamming its tail against the stone. “Okay, so I’m taking that as a no.”
The order from SHIELD was restrain, not kill, if possible. Apparently, they’d had a run of mysterious, alien creatures and they wanted a chance to study them. So Tony circled around to its left, trying to find an opening to stun it. He moved too close, and the thing lunged, jaws open. Tony dodged, yelping, and it missed, but a spray of orange liquid burst from the corners of its mouth and coated the armour. “Yikes!” Tony shot back.
“Armour integrity at 84%,” Jarvis intoned.
“Are you kidding me?! That thing can melt the suit with its spit?! Of course it can, just my luck. Divert power to offensive systems. Throw the integrity up on the HUD but only alert me if it falls below 30%. Oh, and run a scan while you’re at it, see what we can deduce about our toothy little friend.”
The crocodile thing had darted to the other side of the tunnel, and backed itself into a corner, trying to keep its threatening jaws between its fleshy sides and Iron Man. Tony shot off two quick repulsor blasts, but they did little besides push it further back against the wall and anger it further. It snapped and half-lunged, clearly too afraid to charge, but deeply uncomfortable with Tony’s presence. Another acid loogie could do serious damage to the suit, however, so Tony fell back a bit, thinking.
“Maybe if it calms down a bit, I can sneak up on it,” he mused out loud.
“Its heart rate is severely elevated,” JARVIS added. “It is in a heightened state of fear and likely cannot be easily contained while conscious.”
“Alright, let’s just - we’ll back off a bit, give it some space to mellow out.” Tony, still hovering, floated backwards until he was against the wall. He kept the repulsors charged, their high-pitched hum filling the small space, but lowered his hands, trying to look as non-threatening as an angry, glowing, tin can could.
The thing thrashed around in its corner, wide eyes never leaving Tony, but after a few minutes, when he didn’t move, it seemed to calm down somewhat. A few more, and JARVIS reported that its heart rate had lowered noticeably. “Alright. Slowwwllyyy,” Tony singsonged, as he slid along the far wall, curving around towards the beast’s side. It rolled its eyes after him but didn’t move. Its jaws had relaxed a little, still open, but not gaping.
The corner of one of Tony’s boots clanged against the stone and the beast darted forward. Tony moved back; it darted again. “Alright, now we’re cooking. Come on little beastie! This way!” Tony drifted backwards, moving sharply or making a noise every time it seemed to lose interest, and the crocodile lunged after him, sweeping its tail with a new kind of predatory glee. “Ooh yeah, I’m so edible, come give me a taste,” Tony taunted, moving faster now and drawing the beast after him. It splashed through the water after him, grunting and waving its jaws back and forth as it moved.
The thing was distracted now, feeling that it had the upper claw, and not worrying about protecting its weak points. “Load up a charge, enough to stun it and auto-target near the back legs, as close to the belly as we can get. Fire when I sa-”
An echoing clang from down a side tunnel broke Tony off. The beast spun, hissing again, trying to face Tony and the new threat at the same time. Tony heard yelling and then Cap, Nat, and Clint burst out of the side tunnel, fanning out to surround it. Steve dove straight for the beast, and Tony dove straight for Steve. He plowed into his side, knocking him away, just as the thing lunged and spewed its venom everywhere. “It spits acid!” Tony yelled, shoving Steve down into the water out of sheer frustration then rising up again to face it. “I almost had it, for fucks sake!”
“You disappeared!” Steve yelled back, churning up out of the water, spluttering. “How on earth were we supposed to know -”
“Guys!” Nat deftly leapt across the gap to the wall on the other side, but the creature turned sharply in the water, snapping at her. Steve and Tony both surged up, while Clint fired useless arrow, after arrow even though they merely bounced off the croc’s hard, scaly skin. Steve chucked the shield and it ricocheted off the side of its face. That got its attention. It spun back towards Steve and Tony, rocking up on its back legs and slamming its front down in the water, splashing wildly. The shield bounced back to Steve and he held it out in front of him, at least heeding the warning about the acid.
Apparently, Tony’s suit and Steve’s shield were enough to give the creature pause. It eyed them up for a moment, then spun back towards the spies, trundling through the water with frightening speed. “Fuck,” Tony hissed out. “Its venom is incredibly caustic!” he yelled at the spies in warning.
The two dodged out of its way, not having much they could hit it with anyway. Clint fired a few more arrows, but it twisted its armoured tail across its face and they bounced away, pointless. It snapped at one of the two, then the other, apparently having a hard time deciding which to eat first. Tony and Steve charged down the tunnel towards it, trying to draw its attention back to them.
It paused, its eyes rolling over towards Steve, and they all hung for a breath, then it lunged wildly towards Clint, opening its mouth and spewing bright orange venom at him. He cried out and bounced back, but some hit his foot, a stream of steam billowing up as it burned through his shoe. He kicked it off into the water, but Tony could see his face screwing up in pain as the acid hit his skin. “Hawkeye!” Steve called, and Clint held up a hand.
“I’m okay! Stings, but I’ll be fine.” He didn’t sound fine.
Nat chucked a shock disc and managed to get it in its armpit. It thrashed and screeched as the jolt ripped through it. That gave Clint enough time to stagger backwards into the corner. Steve flung the shield again and the croc turned towards him, spitting and raging. He darted out of its way, drawing it back and bringing its weak side nearer to Tony. He began charging up the repulsors again.
“Hawkeye!” Steve called again, and Tony looked up just in time to see Clint, leaning against the wall for balance, nock an arrow, take aim, and fire. It flew across the tunnel and right when the beast opened its mouth to take a chunk out of Steve’s side, it hit, shooting straight into its mouth and colliding with the back of its throat. It screamed, gagged, then fell with a mighty splash. A stun arrow, it was unconscious.
Tony wobbled on his feet, leaning to brace himself against the wall, panting. Steve was doing the same on the other side. Nat darted forward and wrapped her garotte around its mouth, tying it closed just in case it woke up. Tony could feel Steve radiating irritation - which he mirrored right back - but he didn’t say anything. Between the four of them, they wrestled the snoozing crocodile back up to dry land. It wasn’t long before a SHIELD van pulled up, took the creature, and left.
Tony didn’t wait for the others, he blasted off the second the croc was out of their hands and took to the sky. He was fuming, and he couldn’t exactly put his finger on why. He watched from above as Nat helped Clint into the quinjet, Steve coming in behind them. The back hatch closed and the jet took off. Tony took the long way home, hoping the rush of flying would help chip away at the tension resting heavy in his gut.
It was so frustrating having to stop every time and talk everything out. Tony was a scientist, he had an idea, so he tested it. He didn’t know how to communicate his plans to a team, and when he tried they always seemed to shoot him down. If only he could do this whole Team Save The World thing without the team part. Then at least it wouldn’t be his fault when someone got hurt. Especially when it was nothing more than glorified pest control. He didn’t miss the days of full on alien-incursions, but these little milk runs were starting to feel extra pointless - what was the point of the Avengers at all, if all they did was get cats out of trees and help little old ladies cross the street? Surely, that’s what Cap was doing in his spare time, anyway.
He banked hard to the left and zipped across the water, headed back for the tower. He avoided the hangar, even though he knew it would be empty by now, and shot straight through a porthole into his workshop. He gestured the armour open and stepped out, setting it to fly back to its case on its own.
The workshop was still covered in the evidence of his science marathon with Bruce, at least twenty holoscreens open, Thai food containers everywhere, old paper files spread out across the floor. Tony wandered through them, thinking, letting the numbers wash over him. It was late, and post-battle, Bruce would likely have gone to bed, but Tony’s brain was dancing and he needed to let it out.
He sunk to the floor, where he had been sitting before. It should work, it would work. It could work now, if Bruce weren’t such a worrywart. Everything was functioning, Jane had proven that, the question was: would they find anything? Tony pulled one of the gravimetric spikes into his lap and fiddled with it. He could set them up, calculate angles and distances for optimum performance. For the next twenty minutes, he worked his way around the lab, calculating, then setting up a spike, then recalculating when the numbers didn’t add up.
Tony was deep in thought, scrolling through his notes and thinking when the door flung open and heavy, patriotic footsteps stomped across the room. Tony took a deep breath and tried counting to ten.
“What the hell were you thinking?” Steve yelled.
Tony decided he’d better make it twenty. “Well hello there, Captain Capslock.”
Steve screeched to a halt, perplexed. “What?”
“You know, cause you’re always yelling.” Steve stared at him. He stared back. “Not my best, nevermind.”
“I didn’t always yell until I met you! Tony! What. Were. You. Thinking?!”
“What were you thinking? You swanned in all ‘Here Comes Captain America’ and pissed the thing off. I almost had it.”
“How was I supposed to know that? You didn’t say anything!” Steve looked five seconds from tearing his hair out, and his eyes were doing that dangerously bright thing, like flashbulbs ready to go off.
“Yes, I did. I said ‘I got this Cap, I’ll bring it right to you,’ but apparently your ears were too full of ego to hear me!”
“That’s not how teamwork works, Tony! We have to stop and think.”
“You may have to stop to think. I am a genius. I can multitask,” Tony said.
Steve’s teeth snapping together was audible, even from where Tony sat. “We have to make plans together. Or people get hurt.”
“If you had just backed off and let me handle it, no one would have gotten hurt.”
“You might have gotten hurt,” Steve insisted.
Tony snapped his mouth shut and dropped his eyes to the papers fanned out around him. Who gives a shit, he wanted to say, but he knew Steve would sigh and pinch the bridge of his nose, and spout some nonsense about Tony being a necessary part of the team and how pink and squishy he was so he needed to take care, more care than the others, so he held it back.
“...How’s Barton, anyway?” he tried.
“He’s fine. He’ll recover. Just a burn. It was nasty stuff though.”
Tony knew he should go check on him, apologize or something, though for what exactly, he wasn’t sure, but the science kept calling to him. He pushed to his feet and walked around the circle of dimensional spikes, running his hands over them, thinking.
“Aren’t those Jane’s?” Steve asked.
“Yeah, she lent them to us. Bruce and I have this theory, that if you change the scope, broaden it, they’ll do more than draw connections between the worlds that are touching during a convergence, they’ll show us all the worlds we ever could touch. All the places where the universes and planets intersect. There could be a billion places out there with people and knowledge we can’t even comprehend…”
“Isn’t this pretty volatile? I thought you and Bruce were working on this together?” The was a hint of something unpleasant in Steve’s voice.
“Seriously? I don’t need a babysitter in my own lab.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
“Sure it isn’t,” Tony snapped back. He flicked a switch on the spike nearest to him, turning it on. Steve remained quiet. Tony walked around the room, flipping them all on. Data. He needed data. One test, and then he’d have an idea of the range, of what kind of results it would spew out. Then he’d be getting somewhere. “It probably doesn’t even work…”
He picked up the controller and switched it on as well. It hummed to life, a flat line scrolling across the screen, numbers spewing out in the top corner. Tony twisted one of the knobs to the left. Nothing happened. He glanced over at Steve about to say, “See,” and noticed that all the pens on his desk had risen up into the air as if gravity no longer affected them. He looked down at the controller again and the lines on the screen were going wild. “Huh,” he said.
And then they were falling.