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Kolivan taps his foot slowly, counting ticks in his head to the rhythm of an old song. It was something taught to him by his mentor, the previous head of the Blade. Kolivan always had problems with patience and sitting still.
The paladins of Voltron try not to show that they notice his habit, and the yellow paladin is offering him something called a "saucer of milk" but keeps getting jabbed in the side by the green paladin.
Kolivan clears his throat, parsing out his words carefully. Impatience is not a quality of a good leader, and to let that show would reveal weakness. He counts three more ticks.
"I did not realize Keith would need this much time to gather his things. He's seen how light we travel, I was hoping he knew to bring only essentials."
The green paladin makes a choking sound and coughs into her hand, the yellow one wrings the hem of his shirt. The Altean Princess speaks next, "Keith is just... saying goodbye."
Kolivan narrows his gaze. "I was told that was already done?" He forgot to count, chides himself for the snap in his tone.
"Keith needs to say goodbye for an hour to someone–well a varga I guess–but this is a big goodbye," the yellow paladin says.
"Ah, yes of course. I have met his mentor, Shiro. I suppose this is difficult for both of them." Kolivan thinks on his mentor again, how much more he could have said if he was given the chance. A varga still feels like overkill, but perhaps he judges too harshly? Your impatience getting the better of your empathy again, Kolivan hears echoing in his mind.
"Shiro is standing behind you," the green paladin points over Kolivan's shoulder to where he sees Shiro wave. He furrows his brow, who else could Keith need an entire varga to say goodbye to?
His thoughts are interrupted by the sound of the door opening. Keith is there with a bag over his shoulder and his hood pulled low over his face. The blue paladin follows, his hooded jacket similarly covering his eyes.
It's no matter, Kolivan nods to Keith. "I'm ready, sorry it took so long," he sniffs and wipes a hand across his face. Shiro grasps Keith on the shoulder, and they are softly murmuring something, but Kolivan is distracted with what happens across the room.
The yellow and green paladin, along with the Princess, seem to be less concerned with their departing teammate and are now converging on the blue paladin. "It's allergies, damn it! Back off!" he shouts and his comrades laugh. The yellow paladin hugs him and the Princess tries to offer him a handkerchief.
Kolivan tilts his head, and reminds himself to stop his wandering eyes. Focus he thinks, and takes out the communicators.
"Of course we have the tools we need to contact you securely should we ever need to share information, and as a rule the members of the Blade have cut ties to their former lives. However Keith, your situation is unique. You won't be around other humans, and though you are a quick study to our ways, we may not understand all your needs. Therefore I–we want to make sure you have a way to contact someone in an emergency, so this is a secured two-way communicator," Kolivan holds up the two communicators, handing one to Keith.
"It is completely private and encrypted. You may even be able to receive video or images depending on how far we are from a safe transmitter." Kolivan hands the other to Shiro. "Please be careful with this, it will be troublesome to send another."
Shiro nods, and then gives a sheepish smile to Keith.
The blue paladin walks towards them, interrupting anything the two were going to say. His hood has fallen back and Kolivan can see his eyes are bloodshot and the skin beneath them is red and swollen. He grabs the communicator from Shiro and whips around quickly, leaving the room. Keith pulls his hood down lower and walks towards the door for Kolivan to follow.
Shiro doesn't seem to be fazed at first, but after seeing Kolivan's expression of surprise, he offers a weak explanation, "I uh, Lance is better to hold onto that, y'know? I have a robot hand and PTSD and I might smash it by accident."
"Ah," Kolivan nods. "That sounds difficult."
Excellent use of empathy, Kolivan thinks to himself.
**
Keith breaks the communicator in less than two quintents.
"It fell," he tells Kolivan, his hands behind his back.
Kolivan raises his brow. "How?"
"I was holding it with one hand, and I lost my grip."
Kolivan doesn't understand. He's seen Keith switch between dominant hands mid-battle and he's equally strong, not favoring one or the other. Was he hurt? Is there a previous injury affecting his grip? Kolivan counts seven ticks.
"I need more of an explanation than that."
Keith's face gains color, his blood must be diverting to his cheeks and ears as they redden. "I was holding it with one hand and someone–something was distracting me, so I lost my grip."
He's skirting the issue, Kolivan doesn't buy it. Three ticks. "Are you injured? Keith we need to know–"
"No!"
Two ticks. "Pride can be more damaging than any injury. Let us examine your hand."
"I told you I was distracted and I lost my grip! I'm not injured!"
One tick. Maybe half of one. Damn. "Which hand is it?" Kolivan grabs Keith's wrists, examining them himself.
Keith breathes, his eyes cannot meet Kolivan's. "Someone distracted me, okay? Wherever we were last night the video was really good, and I was talking to Lance and he was being... distracting and it made my hands weak because the thing he was doing was... and I was in an awkward position to start with and my other hand was busy and oh my God, please don't ask me to explain anything beyond that I'm already embarrassed enough." Keith buries his face in his hands and groans.
Kolivan thinks back to the few encounters he's had with the blue paladin.
"Lance, the one you needed a varga to say goodbye to?"
"Yes."
"He was distracting you?"
Keith lifts his head and the corner of his mouth twitches. "That's his specialty."
**
The new audio-only communicator takes ten quintents to set up between the Blade outpost and the Castle of Lions.
Keith doesn't seem to have an issue with a lack of video or image functions. He does ask for the night off of monitor duty and Kolivan obliges.
**
They're on a planet that Voltron happens to be on the other side of. Voltron's battle against the Galra fleet goes rather seamlessly, as does the Blade's reconnaissance. It's wrapping up neatly, they should be gone before Voltron is done with it's mission.
Holson and Jaussey are outside the abandoned Galra facility, arguing over something trite, no doubt. Kolivan approaches them, counting the standard five ticks he gives them.
"Am I interrupting the idle chatter of younglings in-between lessons?"
Holson chokes on his words mid-sentence. Jaussey shakes his head quickly, pointing upwards to the sky.
Kolivan looks up and sees the red lion flying in loops through the air, fire pouring out from it's mouth and leaving a burning symbol in the atmosphere.
"I-it looks like a pattern, doesn't it sir?" Jaussey says. "We were trying to figure out what it means–is it a code?"
Kolivan can't decipher it, it's big and rounded on two ends and there's symbols drawn in fire in the center of the strange glyph.
"It's a heart," Keith says, taking down his visor and smiling softly at it. His hands clasp over his chest.
Holson crosses his arms. "Doesn't look like one. Where are the arteries?"
"No it's this–well I guess it's a human thing."
"Your hearts look like that? I don't believe you, that thing is completely anatomically impractical," Holson sniffs.
Keith shakes his head. "It's a symbol meant to represent a heart, but not an actual heart, not the one in our bodies. It's this cultural thing we have, we talk about hearts in a non-literal sense."
"Ah," Holson is mollified by the explanation. "And the symbols on the inside of the glyph?"
Keith rubs the back of his neck and coughs, "Um. Kayplussell," he says quietly.
"Pardon?"
Keith coughs again. "The letter K. The symbol for plus. The letter L."
Kolivan counts 5 ticks before Jaussey, ever the calculating one, puts it together. "Keith, in your alphabet, what letter does your name begin with?"
"Oooh," Holson coos as Keith turns around, putting his visor down.
Kolivan looks back up at the sky as the red lion speeds across to the other side of the planet, the writing in the air starting to blow away with the wind.
**
Kolivan usually gives Keith ten ticks. He's decided that's the only way he's going to be able to parse out this small, anxious being called 'human'.
But tonight he's giving Keith twenty.
"Why are you out of uniform?" Kolivan asks.
"It's dirty."
"Then clean it."
"I tried. It's still messed up."
"We have laundering soaps that can easily remove blood."
"This isn't blood."
Kolivan gives him another set of twenty ticks. Keith wrings his hands. "Look I need space seltzer or bleach or a new uniform because I waited too long and it set and it's um. I'm sorry."
"What's set?"
"A fluid. Human fluid."
Kolivan feels sick with this new knowledge. Humans leak? "You leaked fluid without realizing it, is this typical? Or should I be alarmed?"
Keith gets the red patches again. "No, I knew. I just fell asleep after and it must have set then."
"You knowingly leaked human fluid in your uniform."
"It was a rough night and I was talking to Lance and–"
"And he distracted you again." Kolivan catches himself for impatience when Keith gets defensive, crossing his arms over his chest.
"He was," Keith shouts, "but that's what I needed! I needed to not think and just turn my brain off and listen to him."
Keith takes a deep breath and quiets. "What he said was what I needed to hear and it made me feel good, okay? And when we humans feel that way, when we feel good and safe and loved and–" Keith catches himself and shuts his mouth, pressing his lips in a tight line.
Kolivan holds up his hand. "I will get you a new uniform. Dispose of that one however you'd like."
**
"I can't believe you, Keith. Humans are so weird."
"Shut up, Jaussey."
"Nah, I get it. My wife likes it when I keep the uniform on. Next time try soaking it with Tredsom salt in the water."
"Thanks. Also? Shut up Holson!"
"You're both frelling hopeless, the whole point is to get each other out of your clothes, not into more of them!"
"Hey Keith, remind me who at this table is currently single?"
"That's cold, Holson."
"Such is revenge."
Kolivan counts thirty ticks before excusing himself from the dining area.
**
"Hey, so weird question..."
Kolivan counts his standard ten ticks before turning to Keith amidst the planet's marketplace. It's a standard supply and refuel location, but some of the Blades wanted to stretch their legs, including Kolivan.
"Yes, Keith?"
"How did you know it was me?" Keith gasps. They're all disguised as Glapoidians, wearing the same breathing apparatuses that cover their entire faces (planet Glapoid being a gas giant and the native population finding most atmospheres uninhabitable without them.)
"You're rather short."
"Ouch. I was joking. I know you all have like 2 feet on me."
"I did not understand that," Kolivan looks from his feet to Keith's.
"Yeah, this is gonna turn into a thing, back to my question. Do we get like a stipend or a, what's it called, per diem? And follow-up question, can I have an advance on mine? Like right now."
"Ah. You want money."
"Yes, please and thank you and now?" Keith looks around impatiently. Kolivan may need to teach him to count ticks, he is flustering himself.
"What is it for?"
"Look they're really popular and they're gonna run out so just give me a hundred gak and I'll show you when–"
"It's 79 gak actually and you can pay it directly to me, sir," Holson interrupts, handing Keith a parcel. "Someone had the last set, you can thank Jaussey for distracting them so I could buy it."
"Thank you, Holson!" Even with a full face mask on Kolivan can tell Keith is smiling as he inspects the purchases.
**
"So these souvenirs are from those 'Voltron shows' that your old team has been traveling around with?"
"Yeah, it's lame I know. But it makes me laugh."
"I think we made a kid cry when we took the last of the blue paladin merch. But look at this little plush face! It's adorable, Keith!"
"Aw, he's blooshing again."
"It's blushing, and I'm not, and shut up Holson and Jaussey and thank you again."
"Humans are so complicated and still so simple... Oh my gods it squeaks when you squeeze it this is amazing."
"Give it here!"
"Stop squeezing! You're gonna break it!"
Kolivan counts twenty ticks but gives up and excuses himself to his quarters so he can laugh until there are tears in his eyes.
**
Kolivan tries not to notice the "merch" when visiting Keith's quarters to teach him about counting ticks. There are posters on his walls and a small corner of his room is now dedicated to the blue paladin. "You have built an impressive shrine to your teammate," Kolivan remarks.
"It's not a–oh my god it is a Lance-shrine. He can never know," Keith mumbles to himself.
Kolivan sits on his bed and immediately jumps at the strange squeaking sound that emanates, yelping in surprise. He picks up the offender, the plush toy of the blue paladin that Holson and Jaussey were speaking about. "This one does not go on the shrine?"
"Nah, I like to keep him close," Keith says taking the toy from Kolivan and smiling fondly at it. "It's so lame, he's such a dork. Look at this stupid face."
Humans have strange expressions of adoration, Kolivan thinks.
**
There's a terrible silence. Kolivan loses count of the ticks.
"Keith! We didn't expect you back so soon," Holson starts as Keith slams the shuttle door closed.
"I though you were going to surprise him at the Voltron show on Shkexis-9?" Jaussey says.
Keith cracks his knuckles.
"The management told me to get in the 'groupie' line. And that I should know that by now. It's standard policy for his fans," Keith speaks coldly.
"That's... Groupie?" Holson turns to Jaussey with a look of confusion.
"I think he means people that have uh, intentions, towards the paladins. Uniform staining-ones."
"Aw frell, I'm sorry Keith."
"Yeah, frell. Frell him. Frell everything," Keith turns and stomps out of the hanger.
**
Keith drops the communicator–or what remains of it–on Kolivan's desk.
"I broke it."
"How?"
"I accidentally threw it against a wall and then I accidentally stomped on it 12 times last night."
"Ah."
"Don't bother getting me a new one."
"Tick counting isn't helping, is it?"
"Kolivan, I say this with all the respect I possibly can. Tick counting can go fuck itself."
**
Kolivan is focused. He feels the gears shifting into place, falling neatly into the slots of a well-tuned machine. The plan is executing itself flawlessly.
He thinks of his mentor, warning him of pride and overconfidence leading to carelessness, and calls for radio checks.
Kolivan breathes in relief as everyone responds in turn, no one talks over each other and they all call out location and status in the correct order. He receives an update from Shiro as Voltron takes on the head of the fleet to distract from their intel-gathering.
Everything just feels right about today. He watches as the data downloads smoothly onto his portable and the virus uploads immediately following. He waits three dobashes before another comm-check. All the callouts but one.
"Jaussey, come in with your current status," Kolivan repeats. No response.
"I'm nearest his location. Things are locked down here so I'm heading there now," Keith says. "I'll report back when I know more."
Kolivan runs his hand down his face. He doesn't remember giving that order. Keith had been pushing boundaries more than usual since the incident the previous spicolian movement. Kolivan also heads to Jaussey's last known location on the sentry ship.
He's expecting something bad. He's ready for that, ready for gore or violence or to have to pull his wayward human Blade away from a scene that his fragile heart cannot take.
He's not ready for a room transfixed by strange and unfamiliar music coming from a loudspeaker. Both Jaussey and Keith seem to be fine, Jaussey is at the control console, reviewing the frequencies.
"It's broadcasting to every ship in the Galra fleet," Jaussey says. "And it's coming from the main battlecruiser. That's all I can tell."
"But they're under attack from Voltron, why would they do this in the middle of a battle? Is it a distraction?" Kolivan says, announcing his presence. The two Blades salute him quickly.
Keith carefully inspects the readouts. "Galra might not be the ones broadcasting this."
"Why do you think that?"
"Because it's Earth music, I think this song is called 'Am I Blue'," Keith says, "I don't get–wait it's changing."
The music turns upbeat. A voice on the loudspeaker starts singing along to the music. "You're just too good to be true... Can't take my eyes off of you..."
"Oh my god, I know that voice," Keith gasps as the music swells and the voice gets louder, "I can't believe it. You fucking dork."
Kolivan watches as Keith listens to the entire song, his hands on his chest, clutching over where his heart is. Kolivan taps his foot along to the beat. It's rather catchy, maybe this could be his new tick-counting rhythm? The music fades out and now he recognizes the voice as well.
"Thank you, that was 'Can't Take My Eyes off of You' as made famous by Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons as well as that awesome scene in '10 Things I Hate About You' which may or may not be some hypothetical person's favorite guilty pleasure movie. Now, here's one of my favorites, dedicated to that same hypothetical person, from a very real person who is sorry, and who loves him a whole lot. So while Voltron blasts your ship to pieces, please enjoy 'I Only Have Eyes For You'. One, two, three, hit it Hunk!"
**
Kolivan arranges to get Keith a new communicator before he asks for one.
**
"Keith, go down to the hanger and help Holson with the cargo. There's important stuff in there."
Keith doesn't look up from his book of Galra poetry he's borrowed, "I'm on monitor duty."
Jaussey smiles, "I'll cover for you. Go to the hanger."
"But duty," Keith feebly waves his hand, not taking his eyes off the book. "So much monitoring."
"Keith, report to the hanger to assist us with the cargo." Kolivan's voice booms over the intercom.
Keith sneers at Jaussey. "Are you really this lazy? You're a foot taller than me and three times as strong."
"Yeah, and it's frelling hilarious to watch you try to lift boxes and then Holson just lifts you both in the air and your legs do the kicky-thing before you realize you can just let go."
Keith huffs but doesn't want Kolivan to have to ask twice. He pockets the book and heads down to the hanger where a ship is being unloaded.
"I'm here, where's this cargo full of 'important stuff'?" Keith asks.
Kolivan nods to Lance as he saunters out of the ship and into view. "Hi, I'm important stuff."
Keith yelps and launches himself across the room and into Lance's arms. Lance catches him with a laugh and immediately their mouths lock in a passionate kiss. Keith wraps his legs around Lance's waist and he adjusts his grip on Keith's backside to steady the hold.
"Gonna need to get that human a new uniform," Holson murmurs quietly to Kolivan.
"How long?" Keith gasps for breath when he breaks the kiss.
"About three days–quintents–whatever not long enough but who cares–mmf!" Lance moans into Keith's mouth and then pushes him back slightly. "Um, babe they're staring."
Keith pants for air. "Yeah, Galra are weird about PDA. In that they're not weird at all about it. You should have seen Holson and his wife in the mess hall," Keith shudders, "there's a table I still can't bring myself to eat on anymore."
"Hey! I have an amazing wife and I was happy to see her so I showed it!" Holson says.
"Third base, Lance. On the table. Where we eat."
"Sounds like he was enjoying his meal too," Lance waggles his eyebrows suggestively and smiles at Holson.
Holson gasps, "Keith! I like this human, may I be his friend?"
Keith sighs, pulling Lance out of the hanger. "Give us a varga! Jeez... You two are gonna be a house on fire," he mumbles walking away with Lance in tow.
**
Kolivan doesn't bother counting ticks, there's not a number high enough to cure his desire to eat Wylian curds spread on pickled Bramsin toast in the middle of the night. He developed the habit from his mentor, they had a similar penchant for snacking in the late hours, and would often bond over it. Kolivan preferred very sour pickled toasts while his mentor leaned more towards the half-sours.
Of all the Blades since, none had shared this habit. He was used to eating alone now, and came to enjoy the quiet and time to gather his thoughts.
The light on in the pantry strikes him as strange, and the company he finds himself in even stranger.
"Are those blue lions on your feet?"
Lance turns around suddenly and laughs. "Yeah they're awesome, right? I mean I fly Red now, but Blue's always gonna be my girl."
Kolivan raises his brow.
"Um."
"You're standing in front of the pantry."
"Oh! I was trying to find water and something to snack on. I get hungry after sex."
Kolivan counts a half-tick before Lance is a coughing, sputtering and reddening mess. Humans are rather prudish. Kolivan ignores him and grabs his snack as well as two pouches of water.
"You are welcome to join me for curds and pickle-bread. Unless sex was a prerequisite. In which case I may need a few dobashes before I can return."
Lance makes a strange face when Kolivan describes the food, but shrugs and laughs at his comment. "You're a funny guy. Thanks."
Lance sits lazily, slouching and sipping water slowly, his mind wandering, letting the silence hang. Kolivan envies that, the calm he exudes.
"Here," Kolivan hands him a piece of the pickled bread after it's been dressed with curds. "If it's too much I can see if we have half-sour."
Lance sniffs it before taking a slow bite, his eyes going wide. "Oh my god this is cheese!"
"Wylian curds."
"Kolivan, please tell me where you got this and how much can I pay you to give us the rest because this tastes like the best cheese I've ever had!" Lance moans, savoring another bite.
**
As much as Kolivan did relish silence and introspection, having a 'midnight snack-buddy' as Lance put it, was preferable. Lance joins him again on the second night of his stay.
"Keith's out like a light right now, I mean usually he's restless but if we uh–"
"Have sex."
Lance reddens. "Yeah, if we have sex he's just done and he sleeps like a rock. I conk out for a bit, but then I get hungry and wake up. Keith's always joking I'm gonna have the dream about eating a giant marshmallow and wake up wondering where my pillow is."
"Ah."
"It's a joke because marshmallows are these fluffy chewy things that look like small pillows. Man, I wish my humor translated."
"Same."
Lance smiles, "Nah, you're a riot, Kolivan. I can tell."
"Damn."
Lance laughs and Kolivan eats another slice so he doesn't crack. He changes the subject instead. "I am glad you were able to visit us. Keith has felt your absence, and we have felt that as a result."
"Is he going all temper tantrums and sulking?"
"No, his fondness for you shows itself regardless of whether he realizes it."
"I mean, I love the Lance-shrine, but I'd say that's pretty overt."
"There are other ways," Kolivan counts three ticks, "he looks for you when you are not there, and holds his hand over his heart when he is reminded of you."
"Aww."
"He's also broken two communicators and ruined a uniform because of you."
"Yeah, sorry about that."
"I don't understand why he simply did not tell me about your relationship at the beginning."
Lance drums his fingers on the table. "It might be easier for him to just not be reminded or think about it. Long distance is hard. Especially when you go from seeing each other every day, and then do a total 360 where you barely see your boyfriend and you're scheduling calls and driving yourself nuts finding the right way to angle the Castle-ship to get the right frequency. Even then it's just a voice and you're lucky if you even get a whole varga to talk before you're interrupted or cut off."
Lance takes a long drink of water, adding quietly. "It's been tough. I miss him so damn much."
Kolivan doesn't count ticks. "Did you ask him to stay?"
"Nope. Never would. Cried a lot and kissed him for an hour but made sure he knew I was gonna be okay." Lance answers without hesitation. "I love him, and yeah it's way more work to maintain our relationship like this, but it's worth it because it's Keith," Lance smiles fondly.
Kolivan smiles as well, and steeples his fingers together. "He is lucky to have such a supportive partner."
Lance leans back in his seat. "Heck yeah! Please remind him of that whenever you feel like it. Like, every morning you could start your meetings with that as a daily affirmation. 'We are the Blade of Marmora and Lance McClain is the greatest boyfriend ever.'"
"I'll consider it."
"Oh my gosh, do it just once, and film his expression? I'll pay you. I'll pay serious curd money for that."
Kolivan smirks. "Now can you explain to me this prudish attitude he gets and why he feels he needs to lie to me constantly about it?"
"Huh?"
"The two of you have what appears to be a perfectly acceptable sexual component to your relationship. But when pressed on specifics, Keith is rather reluctant to come forward. As you know, Holson has a wife in the resistance that he yearns for dearly, and when the two of them find time to reunite we are all treated to graphic details of their sexual encounters. It unifies our group as most of us find the expression of intimacy to be enjoyable, and those that don't simply ignore it. But we recognize the happiness that the physical expressions bring, and we are happy for a fellow Blade."
"Oh, that's probably a society thing. This is like, a job and you're like his boss. Saying 'I broke this important communicator thing because my boyfriend is great at phone sex and I was busy fingering myself to orgasm' isn't exactly a normal topic of conversation between a boss and subordinate." Lance shrugs.
Humans are rather strange about what they choose to lie about. Kolivan thinks. "It's more frustrating to hear a flippant lie in Galra society. Lying is a craft, deception is an art form. Pitiful, small lies are as annoying as a buzzing insect."
Lance laughs. "Gotcha, little white lies are bad, oversharing and TMI is good. I'll talk to him."
"Thank you."
"I'm the boyfriend who's great at phone sex by the way. He still gets all flustered when I ask him what he's wearing. But then he tells me and I get all flustered because damn Kolivan you are killing me with these outfits! They have those lines and curves... Mmn."
"Ah," Kolivan clears his throat, "and would your death be without honor? Or on him?"
Lance laughs so hard he falls out of his chair.
**
"It was good to have you stay with us, Kayplussell!" Holson claps Lance on the back.
"Uh, it's Lance."
Jaussey laughs. "That's what we decided we're calling you both, it's the name we've given your partnership. When you're together, you're Kayplussell."
"I still don't get it."
"Um, I think they're saying 'K + L'. Remember when you wrote that in the sky?" Keith says outlining a heart in the air with his fingers.
"Babe, do your friends think we're like Brangelina? Are we a name-smoosh?! That is awesome," Lance pumps his fist.
Keith sighs and leans against Lance's shoulder. "You're awesome."
Lance kisses the top of his head. "Gah, I miss you already. Shuttle's gonna leave in like five dobashes according to Kolivan."
"Ugh, don't remind me. I wish we had more time," Keith turns and wraps his arms around Lance, hugging him close.
"Actually, the ship will leave in a varga. I just told you it was sooner so you would have enough time to say goodbye to your boyfriend," Kolivan says as he shoos the other Blades away. "Let us know when you'll be able to visit again."
Keith and Lance have similar looks of gratitude and fondness as Kolivan walks his fellow Blades out of the hanger.
"Babe, take off your clothes, we're gonna ruin the hanger Holson-style," Kolivan hears Lance say as he closes the hanger doors.
**
Keith places the broken communicator on Kolivan's desk.
"I dropped it because Lance and I were having phone sex and whoever came first lost and he came first and I was excited that I won and I came but I also flung it out of my hand and it hit the wall because I'm an idiot and I'm sorry."
"I see," Kolivan counts five ticks. He's not needed more than that since Lance's visit.
"But this contest, you won, correct?"
"Yes?"
"Excellent. Since you have brought honor to the Blade I shall issue you a new one. Had you lost you would have been shamed and exiled."
"... Lance is teaching you sarcasm, isn't he?"
"He says I have the universe's best 'poker face' and it's a shame not to use it. In return I am teaching him to count ticks. Which is why I am surprised he lost."
"I told him I was wearing the uniform."
"Do you need Tredsom salt?"
"Please."