Hard and Soft, Fast and Slow

by scorpion22

Summary:

Wynonna comes to a huge realization when she sees that pink car all burned up. She loved Doc, but when she finally tell him how will he respond? Can they make it work? Do they even have a chance? Read and find out. I own nothing.

Chapter 1

Wynonna Earp had never been in love, not like that, not like her sister read about in all her romance novels, so when it happened she didn’t even realize it.
“He’s over 130 years old. He’s too old for you,” Wynonna thought at first, but the more she watched him, the more time she spent with him the more she realized that he was exactly the kind of man she had been looking for; too bad he had been stuck in a well all that time. Doc Holliday, the man she had spent her life hearing about. Her great, great grandfather’s best friend. The scoundrel, the gunman; only now that she knew him, the real man, did she see that those things were both true and a complete lie. He was all that and more.
“He’s definitely one of the good guys,” Waverly’s words moved through her head her own words always there too both completely true. Doc was rough, in many ways they were a lot alike, but different too. When she was talking to him, for the first time, Wynonna didn’t feel crazy or like she was alone. Doc understood her in a way no one had since her Uncle Curtis, but that was only one of the reasons why she found herself falling for him. Feeling things for this man, who seemed to fill a hole in her that she hadn’t known she’d been looking to fill.
He wasn’t like anyone she’d ever met, he was more like her, but rougher somehow. Wynonna felt something with him. She felt it the second they met in the bar that night, but in that moment, everything had been different. She hadn’t known who he was. Or believed in who she was. He had helped her more than anyone else in making her believe. At the same time as he was cracking her inner armor. Wynonna would find herself looking at him out of the corner of her eye, when he didn’t know, and it got even worse after that moment. It was the last thing she had been expecting. That kiss. His kiss. It had been so sudden, one minute they had been fighting, the next they were kissing like two people who needed those kisses to keep breathing. Never in her life had she felt such a rush, both of emotion, and lust. When it was over Wynonna felt something else too. That maybe he was the only man she would ever feel that with. They had crashed into each other and the aftermath had been both a disaster and a burst of fireworks.
“Something in my gut tells me he’s one of the bad boys,” Wynonna’s own words haunted her because they scared her because they meant one thing; that if she was right he could hurt her and if she was wrong she could hurt herself if she stayed away.
Wynonna had never allowed herself to be weak before. She always played strong. Like she couldn’t be broken and after a while she started to believe that herself. But Doc made her question that for the first time since leaving those insane walls that held her. That is what led her to run, to try to pretend that moment in the woods never happened. She ran from it.
“You love him, Wynonna,” Wynonna would think sometimes late at night when she could admit that to herself with no need to fear getting hurt. What she didn’t count on was him. She never thought Doc would leave and that it would lead to her losing him in what she thought the worst way possible. If she had known what was going to happen Wynonna wasn’t sure if she still would have run or not. Then he was gone.
“He might have gotten out, Wynonna,” Dolls had tried to seem like he was helping, but as Wynonna stared at that pink car all burned up she couldn’t bring herself to believe it; there was only one thing that kept repeating in her head.
“He’s dead,” Wynonna held back the tears that strength she had built up over time helping her for once as she thought of Doc, dead, gone, not coming back.
“If I hadn’t pushed him away, he’d never have left. He’d still be here, by my side, with me,” Wynonna knew this thought was the truest she would ever have as she walked away from that car knowing this wasn’t the time to cry; later, she could do that later, when she was all alone.
As the days passed after Dolls told her, Wynonna acted like she wasn’t affected, but deep down she was. More than anyone could see even Waverly. One thought alone kept repeating in her mind. She had never told him how she felt. That she loved him and now she never would because he was dead somewhere that she didn’t even know. She had finally found love, she hadn’t been looking for it, she hadn’t known it until it was too late, and now it was gone. Wynonna hoped it would never come again. Doc would be one of a kind in that way as he had been in so many others. Wynonna loved Doc and he had loved her too. Now, he was dead. A dead man to silently love for the rest of her life or until the revenants finally killed her reuniting them once more. Now all she wanted to do was go back and tell him. Because that’s what she should have done all along.
“I should have told him…went after him when he went away,” Wynonna thought sometimes, peacemaker in her hand as she sat in the barn with all that remained of him.
“I love you, Doc,” whispered Wynonna saying it out loud for the first time and it didn’t escape her that she was still where no one could hear her. But what did matter now. He still wasn’t here to hear it and he was the only one that mattered.
Those thoughts ran through her head in the days after seeing that burning car. Wynonna never let herself cry over him. She wasn’t so sure he would have wanted her to anyway. Wynonna went on living everyday as if he had never existed, she still had revenants to kill, a family to protect, so until she either died or killed all seventy-seven revenants her grief over Doc had to wait. She had to be strong. Wynonna didn’t cry, her thoughts were her grief, and what would crying do? Would it bring Doc back? Would he come walking through the door if she broke down crying? No, because nothing could bring him back. He wasn’t a revenant; once he was dead, he was dead, and it was permanent, forever. And then Dolls kissed her. She hadn’t been expecting it. She hadn’t known how to respond when it happened, she hadn’t really; only one part of her truly had. Her heart. It had hurt when he kissed her because his lips weren’t right. They weren’t Doc’s. It wasn’t fierce or passionate, it didn’t burn her like his kiss had. It was all wrong and all because it was the wrong man kissing her.
“No!” Wynonna’s heart, body, her mind had been screaming at her when she turned after to see Doc, alive, and he had just seen her kissing Dolls; as happy as she was to see him, Wynonna hadn’t wanted it to be this way.
Wynonna had felt her heart pounding. Both from the sight of him and what she knew was happening. What was he thinking? She wanted to reach out to him, explain to him, but there never seemed to be time for that. Something always came first.
“The first one to bring me Wynonna Earp, dead or alive, gets the antidote,” Bobo’s words had set the whole town on her meaning there wasn’t time for her to say anything to Doc, not the way she wanted to; she had to be strong as always, an Earp. Wynonna had to fight her sister, the one she had wanted back for so long, she had to protect and serve, as seemed to be her curse; she could never come first. But despite what he witnessed, Doc was there, right by her side to defeat the evil. Wynonna let the knowledge that he would always be her best friend even during moments like that, he would be by her side to fight the evil, and slowly it sunk down into her heart, her mind the truth she hid before.
That she loved him; she had to tell him. Slowly, the chaos died, Wynonna wanted to tell him every day, but she never seemed to have the time. It never seemed to be right. Then suddenly they were alone, face to face, in silence. Wynonna wanted the words to just burst from her mouth, but silence was all there seemed to be. The homestead was deadly quiet as they stood there, her in the kitchen as he stood an entire room away. It was like he was waiting, wanting some explanation yet not wanting it all at the same time.
“If I’d known you didn’t burn up in that car…I never would have kissed him or let him kiss me,” said Wynonna not having the heart to look at him as she said it. But then he didn’t respond. It made her turn just as she heard his footsteps walking away from her. He was leaving; obviously what she said wasn’t good enough. No excuse would ever be good enough and even as she was following him Wynonna knew that. Wynonna didn’t think it was either. She should have fought harder. Dolls lips never should have touched hers. Doc had a right to be angry; she never should have let it happen. That moment flashed in her mind, of that car, and as it did the silence just hung there. Until blinking, Wynonna realized he was walking out the door, and she found herself running to stop him suddenly blinded by tears as she did so.
“Doc, wait!” exclaimed Wynonna stopping when he rounded on her.
“For what exactly, Wynonna? For you to tell me how sorry you are and how you just don’t feel that way for me. How you don’t want to hurt me, but that is just how it is. I’ve had many a woman say those words and I don’t want to hear it again,” said Doc his voice just for a second portraying his vulnerability.
“Doc…” Wynonna started again as he turned to walk away from her again. Wynonna for a second watched him, but then she remembered that time when regret had weighed down her heart. Now was the moment she could fix that, so letting herself be vulnerable with tears in her eyes, she ran after him.
“Doc!” exclaimed Wynonna grabbing him by the shoulders using them to whirl him around again. She took his face in her hands and like he did in that first moment, she crashed their lips together.
“I’m sorry…I’m sorry…I missed you. I need you,” gasped Wynonna the tears leaving her eyes to run trails down her face their lips barely touching before she crashed them together again though slower this time. When he noticed the tears, he brought his hand to wipe them away.
“I almost lost you. I was sure you were dead…dead…I’m sorry about what happened with Dolls, but It won’t…again. I don’t want to think that again…that you’re dead…I almost missed the chance to tell you,” exclaimed Wynonna her tears covering her face in drenches as he continued to wipe them away. Doc had never seen Wynonna cry before and seeing her like this now amazed and scared him at the same time. Her fingers dug into his shirt as she held it in her tight fist using it to keep him with her as well to hold herself up.
“Tell me what, darlin,” whispered Doc ridding her of her tears as they continued to cover her face. He just couldn’t believe she was standing in front of him, crying. That was something he never thought he’d see.
“That I love you,” said Wynonna staring straight at him before burying her head in his chest crying still her arms wrapping around him. Doc stood there doing the same after a moment. He had waited too long to hear her say that.

Chapter 2: Through the Darkness

Doc’s faced flooded her mind when Wynonna opened her eyes the next morning. She didn’t visually see him, but she remembered that last moment before everything around her seemed to go black. That moment when she had let every barrier down and cried in his arms. When she had admitted the one thing she had never admitted to anyone before. That she loved him and as she remembered those words, Wynonna sighed, part of her scared of what was to come. Those words, that moment when she said them to him, finally, they changed everything. As it flashed before her pained sleep filled eyes, she winced. Dried tears stuck like hardened plaster to her face and her thoughts were filled with equally painful questions. What was going to happen now? Would they be able to move forward after all that had happened? The future was uncertain, Wynonna had always known that even before returning to Purgatory, but now, for the first time, she was afraid of what the future could hold. She didn’t know what to do or how to react. She didn’t know how to be anything then the emotionless, hard stiff lipped woman she pretended to be. The woman that everyone knew, the woman who had let her guard down with Doc, so he could see the other side of that same woman. Wynonna didn’t know how to be both sides of that woman and deep down as she lay there, she couldn’t deny that she was scared to try. Those questions paralyzed her, so much so in that moment that she was lost to everything, but the morning sun as it breezed through her window.
Wynonna didn’t realize just how scared and uncertain and lost she was in thought until she was abruptly forced out of them. Suddenly, just when she had thought she was alone, in her room, in her bed, a pair of hand then a pair of arms were there with her touching her, cradling her, and raising every inner wall she had. Wynonna felt her inner nerves raise until suddenly she just reacted on instinct. Rolling the intruder to the ground beneath her bed, Wynonna followed him straddling the intruder to pin whoever it was to the ground. She was just about to punch that same person in the face when she realized just who she was attacking.
“Doc?” exclaimed Wynonna settling down almost immediately when she realized it was him who she straddled his grin settling her nerves even as he raised his hands in surrender to her.
“I’m sorry” whispered Wynonna closing her eyes as she let her hands run over her face her entire body deflating as her fists fell against his chest softly. Doc lowered his hands as well letting them settle at her waist as she moved to leave him. When Doc made her stay atop him, Wynonna smiled that tiny smile so rarely seen on her face, and unclenching her hands, she laid them against his chest. Helping him sit up, Wynonna snuggled closer, and as he moved her messy hair out of her face she found she felt content. Content in a way she hadn’t felt since returning home.
“Remind me to never wake you up in the morning” said Doc his voice tender as their eyes met making him frown as he saw the dull almost sad look in her eyes.
“I—I thought you might be a revenant…I can’t not worry about them even now. I can never let my guard down” whispered Wynonna her voice low almost nonexistent. Doc touched her cheek his touch soft against her skin. He saw a side of her in that moment, a vulnerability he knew she didn’t share easily. He found himself feeling lucky, she was sharing a vital part of herself with him.
“It’s my job as an Earp to break the curse…I can’t think about anything else—I can’t be weak” whispered Wynonna feeling as he suddenly held her closer his touch all the softer silently telling her that with him, she could be vulnerable and show him the parts she showed to no one else. The scared parts. The parts that she had begun to hide when locked away for all those years.
Doc knew Wynonna held a lot of pain inside herself, pain that in that moment he wanted to take away, and also a lot of fear. Fear that she had held within herself since the day she accidentally shot her daddy. Doc wanted to help her through that. He wanted to fight this darkness with her just as Juan Carlo said he should and as he looked at her, he knew that was why he was there. Wynonna had never shown that part to anyone and in that moment, she was afraid he’d run, but as he made her look at him something inside her warmed.
“It’s alright, darlin” said Doc his voice drawing her in close as his touch became all the gentler their faces getting all the closer his arms suddenly around her completely.
“Doc?” said Wynonna her voice softer this time as her body leaned as close as it could into his embrace his breath against her neck letting her know he was there, to protect her from everything especially the revenants.
“Wynonna, you don’t have to hide nothing from me. You can let it go with me—be Wynonna…without worrying about being an Earp” whispered Doc the look in his eyes alone telling her that he was completely and utterly sincere.
“I can’t just stop being an Earp overnight…it’s become part of me, you know. I don’t know if I know how to stop” said Wynonna her voice small as her eyes peered into his. She knew that he was the only one she could tell. He was the only one who understood, who could even attempt to. In fact, as she looked at him, Wynonna knew that that was one of the reasons she loved him because unlike everyone else around her, he was her equal in every way.
“But—for you, I can try to be less of an Earp, and more of a human being” whispered Wynonna leaning closer to him smiling as his touch made her tingle their lips meeting suddenly yet slowly as they fell into each other. Wynonna felt as his hands touched her, one touching the back of her neck tightly gripping small strands of her hair as the other held her tighter somehow gripping one of her hips. It was like he was possessing her in a way Wynonna had never allowed before yet also cherishing her in a way she had always wanted.
When she broke away from him, Doc let her hold his face in her hands, and looking into her eyes he saw immediately that she was laying herself completely bare to him.
“I can’t promise to be perfect or easy—but I can promise to try…this…with you. Because I don’t want to lose you, Doc, because I love you…I really do” whispered Wynonna her voice cracking as her words ended. She found she needed to, wanted to. Wynonna had never told anyone other then her sister that she loved them. She always held everything so close to the vest, but here she was. Telling the man, she loved that she loved him for the second time. Doing it because she had to, wanted to, needed to simply because she did love him, and couldn’t risk losing him again. The words seemed to tug them closer together as his lips nipped at hers in response.
“Wynonna—darlin…I love you” said Doc his lips still against hers before he claimed them enveloping her in his arms. That kiss more then anything else said how true both their words were. Both feeling suddenly whole, complete, like they had finally found what they’d been looking for.
“I love you” gasped Wynonna falling deeper into his arms as her back hit the floor her arms clutching him drawing his body down towards her as it covered hers. Doc didn’t let his lips stay on hers. He didn’t disappoint her though, for though his lips left hers they immediately began to travel over her his presence never leaving her. They moved over her, tickling her, lingering over soft skin. First her neck, then her collarbone his grin against her skin as she moaned in response to his touch as he went lower still. As he moved, Wynonna noticed that his arms never left their place around her, his hands never left their place at the small of her back almost seeming to protect her still even in that intimate moment.
Tracing her collarbone then the cleavage peaking through her shirt, Wynonna felt like she was being worshipped. For the first time it didn’t feel like she was being used as some cheap piece of ass. Wynonna felt loved for the first time in this most intimate way. It scared her even as it warmed her. No one had ever touched her like he was in that moment. Or kissed her like way he did. Doc was slow, peaceful, tender even, and in that moment as he loved her, it was not lost on her. Where others groped her, fucked her like the local whore, Doc wasn’t doing that. In that moment, he was making love to her, and Wynonna knew that.
When his lips returned to hers that tender touch was still there.
“Doc” gasped Wynonna kissing him right back her touch just as soft as his as her hands went up his shirt to touch the skin of his back before returning to his face feeling as he leaned in close seeking out her touch before their eyes met.
“Please, Doc…I need you” whispered Wynonna her fingers tangling in his hair tugging him closer until sharing a breath their lips met again then again in a chorus of emotion that almost overwhelmed them. That only lasted a moment before suddenly drawing apart, they peered at each other through heavy lidded eyes both their breathing heavy. Both were a little scared of what was happening now, but they didn’t want to stop it. They wanted it to come quicker, to overwhelmed them completely. That’s why their lips met again this time far more frenzied. When they parted next, Wynonna felt her heartbeat as it dropped as their bodies parted altogether.
“Doc?” said Wynonna feeling confused, rejected, and so many other things until he pulled her up from the ground to her feet.
All that went away yet stayed with her at the same time until suddenly Wynonna found him kissing her again. His lips descended upon hers and claimed her completely. Wynonna loved it then hated it then loved it again as her arms moved around him. They hung around his neck as her body collided with the bed her knees buckling as she fell onto it bringing him with her. Doc didn’t let her go though, he held her closer almost burying her in his arms. His kiss remained that way until breaking away for air, Doc seemed to peer down at her a special unknown look in his eyes. His hands came to cradle her face and Wynonna didn’t know what to expect from him. He was always surprising her and she knew as their eyes peered up at each other that now would be no different. There was something he wanted to say, she could see that, sense it. There was a heavy emotion that she knew she was lucky to be seeing. She knew that together they could be vulnerable, together, no secrets, no lies. Wynonna found herself embracing that just as she was embracing her love for him.
“I love you, Wynonna—I have since the moment I set eyes on you. I’m not running away again…I’ll face the darkness with you—I’ll face anything with you” whispered Doc his words seeming to hypnotize her. She had never dreamed she’d hear anything like that from anyone but looking at him Wynonna smiled. She didn’t want those words to come from anyone else, only him, because she loved him madly.
“We’ll face it together” said Wynonna in response the future not so scary anymore making him smile as his hands came to grip her hips as if to make sure she couldn’t go anywhere.
Finding the hem of her shirt, Wynonna let him lift it over her head their eyes locked as he drew her close once it hit the floor. Hiding his face in her neck, their arms went around each other as they seemed to fall in slow motion onto the bed. To Wynonna and Doc, something changed in that moment. It was like they found a lost piece they both had been missing. Like somehow now they were made whole.

Chapter 3: Consummation of Love

“Wynonna” breathed Doc into her neck their arms heavy around each other as their bodies hit the bed. Wynonna found herself letting every wall she had fall as she gave herself to the man she loved.
“I’m right here” breathed Doc, in that moment it wasn’t lost on him that she was revealing herself to him in a way she hadn’t with anyone else, and cherishing that he went on to cherish her as he gently touched her with just the pads of his fingers. He touched her tenderly at first, his hands caressing her sides as his arms simply held him. Wynonna couldn’t remember anyone ever holding her this way. It was a revelation that warmed her heart as she let herself melt into him and turning her head, she sought out his kiss. Their lips met in a sweet yet tender kiss at first until it turned into a deeper tenderness that Wynonna moaned into as her hands delved into his hair. She used it to tug him closer earning a groan from him in return as she arched into his touch wanting more but liking the way he took his time with her.
Her hands spread over his back reveling in his warmth until on a breath she spread her legs. His body dank down into the void there and they shared a moan even as he continued to touch her like she was glass. Sliding his hands along her sides, over the skin of her arms, and finally to her breasts where he cupped them gently. His touch was slow and sensual and something Wynonna wasn’t used to. And as he continued, Wynonna found she was content to let him.
“I love you, Wynonna” whispered Doc then his lips marking the long expanse of her neck making her eyes close as she tried to find the words in return feeling as his hands opened the clasp of her bra. He threw it to the floor and pulling away to look at her, they shared the smallest smile as his hands cupped her breasts. Wynonna released a moan then as his lips scoured her neck as his thumbs caressed her hardening nipples.
She arched further into his touch a gasp that sounded like his name leaving her lips. Doc wasn’t just touching her though, he was loving her, loving her in a way no other man had before. Because she had always been just a cheap piece of ass to any other man, but to him, she was the woman he loved who loved him back. His hands circled the pert peaks of her nipples his eyes seeming to watch as she reacted. He waited until her eyes opened though before taking one into his mouth to circle it next with his tongue. When he sucked it into his mouth then, it was just for a moment, enough to tease her, and enough to drive Wynonna crazy. He made it pucker more under his touch her lips doing the same almost longing to be kissed. Doc didn’t kiss her though, but only continued to tease her. He sucked it into his mouth again only to let his tongue flick out to tease it. As he did, Wynonna felt his hands sliding her higher onto the bed, his hands holding her just under her thighs as her own ran through his hair in an act of pure seduction.
His mouth left her suddenly though, making Wynonna take a deep breath that she exhaled quickly, her eyes intent on him. Everything happened very quickly then as he stood up his eyes looking down at her. Doc opened her jeans quicker than he did anything else, pulling at the material until it was gone along with her panties to be thrown to the floor with everything else. He looked at her naked body then and Wynonna felt almost modest in a way she hadn’t before as he gazed at her with more then lust in his eyes.
“You’re beautiful, darling” whispered Doc then as she spread her legs for him so he could fall to his knees between them his lips kissing hers. Wynonna sighed into the kiss as he held her close. She wrapped her arms around his neck in a tender embrace feeling as he caressed the small of her back. It sent a tingle down her spine as she just let herself be with him. Everything seemed to move in slow motion then as her fingers opened his shirt then his pants, suddenly wanting him as naked as she was.
His shirt hit the floor without a sound and their lips met again then again, she held his face in her hands. She tugged his pants opened with a growl that made him moan as she pushed them down his hips until they too were gone. She pulled him all the closer on top of her then a needy whimper leaving her as he pressed her into the bed. When Doc entered her, he did it slowly, his lips descending to kiss hers. He felt as her hands held him close as he started to rock into her, her hips meeting his after a moment. Their movements were not rushed or quickened in any way as they had been before. They were slow and almost sweet as their hips met in a continuous rhythm that they continued. They rocked together sharing loving kisses that ended then started all over again. It was something Wynonna wouldn’t have allowed if it were anyone else, but him. Doc though made her feel loved and cared for and like she mattered and making love this way with him, it just felt right. Finally, his lips ran over the length of her neck again, his lips rocking in time with hers still. They made her release a mewl of pleasure as her eyes closed. His fingers moved over her skin in a soft caress until suddenly her hand covered him in a moment that seemed to stop them both.
They were baring their souls to each other and when Wynonna opened her eyes to look at him. He looked back at her then and touching his cheek, she knew this moment was important. It was the end of what they had been and the beginning of something new. It was something she wanted as they dared to share a smile. It was like she had been stripped down to the most basic part of herself, the part she spent her life hiding, and for once, she was okay with that. She wasn’t afraid to share that with him as he made love to her. As she looked at him there, she was certain of him. That she could trust him. Not just with her heart, but with her love. She could trust him with that part of herself that she shared with him now. It made her eyes soften as she looked at him. Wynonna shivered under his touch as he touched her with such care.
She couldn’t remember anyone ever touching her like that as her pleasure built inside her. Wynonna was so lost in that touch, in the soft way he made love to her rather then fuck her as anyone else would have done that when she came it barely registered. She wasn’t even expecting it when her orgasm fell over her like a warm pail of water. She shuddered as her body fell into the bed her eyes closed tight for only a moment before she opened them again simply because she wanted to see his face.
“Wynonna” whispered Doc seconds before she brought his lips down to hers in her pleasure his cock moving in her still until without any warning it stopped. Doc stilled inside her as he came, his face suddenly hidden in her neck as he whispered words of love. Everything seemed to stop then as her pleasure faded as soon as his began. Wynonna wrapped her arms fully around him then as he hid his face in her chest his arms around her too. They held each other close in the way of lovers their breathing a heavy heated sound that surrounded them as her fingers roamed through his hair. When it was in a disarray, Doc looked up at her, his head propped on the skin of her chest, and Wynonna found she couldn’t say anything. She just looked at him letting a smile of pure happiness flit across her face.
Doc shared that smile with her then as he eased closer to her on his elbows. His hands came to touch either side of her face and holding her face in his hands, he looked at her in a way that brought tears she would never admit to into her eyes. He kissed her then his lips smooth and sweet as they moved against hers becoming more tender as they continued. It was as they were sharing that kiss that her bedroom door opened.
“Wynonna” exclaimed Waverly barely opening the door before she was closing it again with a gasp. Anything else she said was muffled by the door as she stood on the other side still making the two break apart to look at where her shadow still loomed. Their eyes met after a moment and they could only shrug neither of them finding a reason to care that she had caught them together. They had nothing to hide anymore.
“Sorry” called Waverly through the door. Doc and Wynonna shared a laugh as her shadow disappeared until suddenly, Doc kissed her again. The kiss was a brief peck and when it broke, Wynonna smiled at him before her eyes returned to the door.
Neither of them could help it when they began to laugh again. It was too funny even as it wasn’t. Doc leaned forward kissing the place over her heart as he laughed feeling as she held him close. Wynonna moved his hair out of his face making his eyes look at her again. When they did, she saw a joy in them that warmed her as she gazed into them. She took his face in her hands then, just so she could look into his eyes, and smiling that same smile he had seen when she looked at the motorcycle her uncle left her, Wynonna kissed him. The kiss was sweet and tender and brief their bodies leaving the bed in that moment.
“We better go before your little sister walks in on something else” whispered Doc a type of promise in his words as they searched for their clothes then their lips continuing to meet.
“I gotta get my own place” whispered Wynonna as she finished dressing. Doc finished then too going for his hat in that moment only to have her grab it before he could. Her smile was playful at first as she kept it from him until crawling over the bed to her, he wrapped his arms around her, and as she did the same, he gave her an expectant look. After a moment, Wynonna put his hat on him letting him kiss her as his hands held her hips in an almost possessive way. When they pulled away, Wynonna found herself tempted to drag him back to the bed, but looking at him, she knew there would be time for that later.
They didn’t move though his hands holding the small of her back now as hers held his shoulders. They moved to drape around his neck then and Wynonna let him kiss her again. It was a sweet tender kiss that seemed to seal some sort of promise as they parted once more. Her eyes looked into his and Doc could see she wanted to say something, so watching her closely, he didn’t say anything. He remained silent, letting her take her time to open up to him in her way.
“I know I’m not easy sometimes, but I’ll try to be less of a pain in the ass now. I’ll try to be open and honest with you and talk to you about stuff. I mean, I won’t promise it’ll come right away, but I promise to try” said Wynonna her words rushed as they left her lips. As she said it, she looked away from him as if afraid he would suddenly change his mind about loving her, but Doc brought her eyes back to his. He kissed her gently on the lips his hand touching the back of her head to keep her focused on him now.
“I don’t want you to change, Wynonna. I love you as you are, I just want you to know you can be open with me. I love you and I’m here for you, don’t forget that” whispered Doc moving to kiss her forehead.
“I love you. I promise to try, I mean, it’s gonna take some getting used to, but I’ll try” whispered Wynonna letting him hug her close. They walked out of the room then hand in hand.

Chapter 4: Courage to Walk in the Dark

Nothing seemed to change between Wynonna and Doc at first.
“I’ve in love with a woman and she loves me, but I’m not allowed to tell anybody” thought Doc one day as they were just walking down the street together, always together yet never touching, never together as they went. She seemed to always have something on her mind.
“I’ll let it be for now” thought Doc as he watched the dark clouds of pain that seemed to hang over her, clouds that seemed to be seen by him alone as he watched Wynonna drink and roam, especially at the mention of Willow; that was why no one even said her name anymore. He caught her walking down by where their battle had ensued.
Doc once found her standing at the boundary where the battle had taken place. Wynonna was looking out into the distance, her feet at the very edge of the boundary separating Purgatory from the rest of the world, and Doc wondered what was going through her mind. She didn’t let anyone know that though, even him, she kept it all there to be processed. She always only stood there, her eyes stuck on the spot where her sister was when the bullet hit her, and she never cried choosing just to watch the place where she had been as if hoping Willow would appear. She watched, grieving always in private, always alone. Doc let her for a long time. He told himself she needed to grieve on her own, but as time passed, he found he didn’t know how to breech the subject with her.
“What do I say to her?” thought Doc finding she was his best customer after he bought the bar after Bobo and his ilk had destroyed it. He would watch her drink her grief, shoveling it down her throat as if that would make things better, but it didn’t. Doc hadn’t made up his mind to talk to her about it when he finally did. The opportunity just came when he was least expecting it. It was a moment Doc would never forget as he saw Wynonna at her most vulnerable. When he walked into the homestead, he was looking for Wynonna, but everything was quiet.
He thought no one was home even as some deeper unknown sense said otherwise. When he climbed the stairs to look in her room, Doc found it empty, but as he was going back down, he saw a light. He knew what that door was. It had led to Willows room and as far as he knew, no one had entered it since what had happened, and yet, he saw a light now. Doc wasn’t sure if he should go in at first. He thought about calling for Waverly or continuing to look for Wynonna, but finally, he just opened the door. That was when he found Wynonna, sitting on what had been her sisters’ bed, and the room was silent. She didn’t even seem to react to the sound of the door opening, she only continued to sit there, always staring, and always silent. Doc didn’t go inside immediately. He stood in the doorway and he took note of everything about him. He saw Wynonna, her hands on either side of her on the bed, gripping the comforter, and only then did he see the way she was shaking. Peacemaker was right next to her, untouched. It looked strange for the weapon to not be hanging from her waist as he moved inside, closing the door behind him.
“Wynonna?” whispered Doc, seeing no indication that she had heard him as she appeared not to respond, and as he sat next to her, Doc saw her eyes were centered on a children’s drawing that she held in her hand.
She didn’t look at him as he sat next to her. When he pushed peacemaker aside, he thought she would respond, but still there was nothing. As it rested just behind them, Wynonna appeared not to know he was there, and Doc didn’t say anything more. He let her have the silence as he watched her, waiting, always waiting to see when she would come back. The longer he sat there the more Doc realized that it wasn’t going to happen. Wynonna wouldn’t take her eyes off that drawing, two small stick figures holding hands, the names Willow and Wynonna floating over their heads. Doc honestly didn’t know what to do or say. He wanted her to trust him enough to know that she could cry in front of him and that was okay. He wanted her to turn to him and let him see her the way no one else did. And yet, Wynonna only sat there, pretending not to know he was there even as he knew she could feel him right next to her.
“Wynonna, please say something” said Doc then unsure if there was anything else to be said as he did.
“I’m a killer, you sure you want to sit there. I killed my daddy. I killed my sister. I pick up peacemaker every day and revenant or not, I know when I wake up, I’m gonna kill someone today. I kill someone every day. You never know, I might end up killing you next” exclaimed Wynonna, the words bursting forth as her eyes were still stuck on the picture even as her hand fell into her lap as the picture fell to the floor. She didn’t look at him as she said it. Her eyes were only on the drawing.
“It’s a good thing I’m immortal then because I wouldn’t rather be anywhere else” said Doc surprising her when he grabbed her hand bringing it to his lips for a kiss. Wynonna looked at him then, but then quickly away. He saw a smile for a moment, but Wynonna didn’t look at him again. She felt an ease knowing he was there to touch her and be with her. She trusted him as she sat there trying to process everything. She had been processing it all for months, but it wouldn’t settle. She just couldn’t do it, at least, not alone, but then she felt him beside her. It was then, there with him, that Wynonna thought it might settle if she had him by her side.
Maybe that was why she let it all go. The strong demeanor that she held for so long. Wynonna let it fall and she crumbled in on herself as the tears she’d been denying herself for months came bursting forth. It was the last thing Doc was expecting when it happened. When it did though, he didn’t back away from it, but was there facing it head on with her as he would do as long as he lived. After all, this was what he had asked for. He wanted Wynonna to let him have her at her weakest and strongest and really give all of herself to him. And yet, as it was happening, he wasn’t sure quite how to handle it.
“I killed them” exclaimed Wynonna, her voice shrill as she said it mid sob. Doc made her look at him finding genuine tears on her face. On instinct, Wynonna wrenched herself away, but Doc held her. He wasn’t going to let her go backwards now that she had been bold enough to let him in. He held her, he let her have his grief, and no matter how she tried to push him away to go back to her private loneliness, Doc wouldn’t let her.
“You don’t have to be strong with me, Wynonna, I’ll always be here to pick you up when you fall” whispered Doc as she cried her head falling forward into the fabric of his chest.
As she did it, it felt strange to Wynonna. She had never let herself be vulnerable. She was always the crazy girl who walked around town being the badass. People treated her as if she didn’t have feelings and she lived that persona by never letting anyone close until now. Doc was here now, and he was letting her be a real person without judging her. She let him press her close into his chest and Wynonna didn’t care. She cried, her body shaking with full racking sobs that rocked them both in their intensity. After a moment, Wynonna realized why she could be this way with him. Not just because she trusted him or because she loved him, but because when she was with him, she felt safe. Safe in a way she couldn’t remember feeling as long as she had lived. As she realized that, Wynonna looked at him with the tears still on her face, and she didn’t want to be without him as long as she lived.
“I love you” whispered Wynonna, the words low, so he could barely hear them in the course of her tears as they were winding down.
“And I love you…that’s why I’m telling you the truth now…because you are not a killer, Wynonna. Killers pull the trigger, but don’t look back. You’ve been looking back your whole life” exclaimed Doc, making her look at him as he spoke. He held her face in his hands and looking into her eyes like she had the drawing before. He was stuck on her as he tried to make her understand that she wasn’t a killer, but a survivor who did what she had to do.
“I’ve killed many people, Wynonna, and I’ve never looked back. I’ve always told myself I did what had to be done. You didn’t mean to kill your daddy or your big sister. What you need to understand now, honey, is that sometimes in life you have no choices. You have to either pull that trigger or someone else is gonna pull it on you” exclaimed Doc, stroking the wetness that covered her face away. Wynonna didn’t respond, but she didn’t cry anymore either. She only looked at him and her eyes were clear now. She understood what he was saying, and he saw as the sting of her past actions faded.
Wynonna pressed her face into the fabric of his shirt then and he heard her sniff. He let her have a moment to process everything as she kept her face buried there. The seconds ticked by until finally she looked at him again with no more tears. Her eyes were clear and after a moment, she smiled at him, and Doc smiled right back.
“It’s not over, honey, but I promise you, I’ll be here to walk by your side through every bit of it” whispered Doc, moving her hair out of her face. She wasn’t a killer, but now, she was just like Wyatt. She didn’t ask for the legacy that Wyatt had left her. No one in her family did, but she wasn’t afraid of it anymore. She was on her way to embracing it and he saw that in her eyes now. Once she did that, maybe she would be the one to break the curse and send every revenant back to hell. They shared something in that moment, a connection that came with that understanding.
“I’m not afraid anymore” whispered Wynonna then her voice muffled as she kissed him her arms around him. After a moment, Wynonna tilted her head up to look at him, and as he met her gaze, he knew she was about to let him in.
“Come on, I have somewhere I want to take you…somewhere I’ve never taken anyone before” said Wynonna, her voice soft in a delicate way that he somehow knew only he would ever hear. As he looked at her, Doc somehow knew that she wasn’t just asking him, but there was something in her eyes. A trust that he had only ever seen when she looked at Waverly. He found himself touched by it as he held her in his arms.
“Please” whispered Wynonna when he didn’t respond. As Doc dragged her closer, her lips molding against his in a fertile yet harsh kiss, Doc found himself remembering that day when he was stuck by the side of the road. When a man had challenged him to walk through the darkness again with this woman by his side. He had done it once with Wyatt and now, he was gonna do it with Wynonna. He wasn’t afraid.
“Someone once asked me if I would be willing to battle the darkness again with you by my side once…I said yes” said Doc, seeing a smile as it made its way across her face. Wynonna grabbed his hand with one hand as the other grabbed peacemaker as they left the homestead altogether. Doc didn’t know where they were going until they reached a cemetery.
“I’ve never brought anyone else here before” said Wynonna his eyes watching the headstones as they drove by. They came to a stop then and Wynonna didn’t say anything else. She only exited the car and as he followed her, Doc sensed there was something solemn about this place. She seemed to walk on and on until suddenly she stopped just as he thought she wasn’t going to.
Doc immediately saw that the headstone she stood in front of had the name EARP across the top. It was white stone just like all the others around it, but something else stood out. The names. One for her father, the other for her sister, and Wynonna seemed to look at it with a reverence that was almost mesmerizing. Every time she came here, she couldn’t help wondering if someday her name would go on there too. Doc didn’t say anything as he stood right next to her. He didn’t know what he could say until she grabbed his hand. After a moment, Wynonna used it to wrap his arm around her, and he found she was leaning heavy against him. It made him look at her, not understanding, but not needing to as he pressed her close as she seemed to want.
“I come here sometimes…ask them for advice. No one knows I come here, not even Waverly, but…I wanted to show you” said Wynonna the words rough on her tongue. It felt strange to her, sharing these things, all these small details with someone. Doc watched her then as she stood absolutely still as if afraid that if she moved even a little bit that he would somehow not be there. When his fingers touched her cheek, she shivered, and he didn’t know why. He found that it wasn’t important as her made her look at him. First, he kissed her forehead then her lips, and then he just looked at her. Wynonna looked right back until he held her close once more.
Wynonna looked straight at him, her body turning too, and she was looking at him.
“I’m glad you wanted to bring me here. I want to be part of these things with you” whispered Doc, his hand coming to touch her face. Wynonna didn’t say anything in response as she hugged him tight. As she did, she found herself thinking back to another time when she wouldn’t have imagined herself telling anyone these things. She was glad that time was over.

Chapter 5: She's Having a Baby

“I don’t know how to just drop my walls, but slowly, I’ll let you crumble them” said Wynonna as they laid together one morning.
The words had surprised him, for they had come out of nowhere, but he knew she was trying to have a serious moment. She wasn’t looking at him. Her voice sounded small, her head on his chest, and her body curled in on itself as it lay next to his own. He didn’t know what to say, so he hadn’t said anything. They had laid there in silence. There were times when there seemed to be a constant obstacle blocking their path forward, but after that day at the cemetery, Doc knew better. Wynonna had scars. Many that he didn’t know about, some she had talked about, and others he knew she never would. She wasn’t used to trusting anyone, save her sister, and now with him, she didn’t know how to completely trust anyone. She had said it so many times, when they were alone, and she always sounded so apologetic. Yet, sometimes, he looked at her to find she was already looking at him with a look he knew to be fearful, and at first, he hadn’t understood it. After a while though he knew that fear was of losing him more than anything else. Her sister, her uncle, so many had left her or died on her.
“I don’t want to say goodbye to anyone else. I don’t want to say goodbye to you” said Wynonna, her eyes intense, and her lips in the middle of kissing him.
It was yet another vulnerable moment. They had had more and more of those lately, but this moment stood out to him. She looked different. Not just more vulnerable, but like she was exposed in the rawest way he had ever seen her. For a moment it frightened him.
Her eyes were big, a does, but scared as his fingers combed through her hair.
“There ain’t going to be no goodbyes between us, darling” said Doc, gently bringing him lips to her forehead.
As he kissed it, he felt her sigh, and then he felt her fingers gripping the fabric of his shirt. She used it to push him into the nearest chair and when she straddled him, she kissed him fiercely. In that moment, Doc knew that she believed every word he had spoken.
“Don’t break that promise” whispered Wynonna, she peered intently into his eyes then, and he heard what she didn’t say.
If he dared to break her heart after she gave him so much of herself, she would make him regret it, and she would never make that mistake again. After that everything almost felt happy. Yes, they still had the curse to deal with the revenants, and yet then one day even that all changed.
“That demon told her something, but she won’t talk about it” thought Doc in the days after.
She was quiet, she was different, she had been since that demon had burrowed inside of her. Sometimes in life, there were moments when secrets were revealed and though he knew something had been revealed to her, he didn’t know anything beyond that. She wouldn’t talk about it. She wouldn’t even come within arms reach of him and he sensed that that demon had revealed something that scared her. Wynonna shut down when she was scared and he had yet to break this new wall.
“She’s a wild bronco, a stallion running scared” thought Doc, and he couldn’t deny that he was scared for her, of her, and when Waverly Earp told him the secret that that demon had revealed, he felt something shift in his love for her.
Just when he thought he couldn’t love her more, he did, and yet when he dared to look at things from her perspective, he understood her fear. That demon had told Wynonna that she was pregnant. She hadn’t dared to believe it, had thought it a lie meant to weaken her, but when the demon was returned to hell, she checked herself. Only to discover that it was the truth. She was carrying his child, for it could only be his, and Wynonna, his bucking bronco, was running scared from the very knowledge of it.
“She’s afraid” thought Doc, the man in him wanting to go to her, to pick her up, and spin her around in his joy.
Yet, he had to remember that he was dealing with Wynonna Earp, a woman running from motherhood now. Of all the ways to find out such news, he wished it could have happened differently, but there was no undoing what had been done. Doc wouldn’t deny that he was happy. He wanted this baby. It had been the farthest thing from his mind. He’d never pictured having a child, not with Wynonna, not with any woman, but sometimes, you don’t know what you want until you’re faced with it.
“I’m having a baby with the woman I love” thought Doc, yet he knew he had to acknowledge that Wynonna was not happy.
It made her scared. It seemed to roll off her as he approached her that day. It was in the curve of her spine, the way her head lay in her hands, and her spirit seemed to tremble. For some reason, he knew she knew that he knew. He didn’t know what she expected him to say, but as he found a seat next to her on the ground, he would prove every notion she had about what he thought completely wrong.
She was sitting alone at the barrier that separated Purgatory from the rest of the world. She didn’t acknowledge that he was there. She just stared straight ahead at the gates, at the place her sister had been when she shot her, and silently she cried. The tears ran like lines of pain down her cheeks and as much as he wanted to wipe them away, he knew he shouldn’t touch her now.
“I don’t know how to be a mother. My mama left…I always promised myself I wouldn’t be like her…I wouldn’t leave my kid alone. I was never going to be a mother…but now, that choice was been taken from me. I don’t want to be another mom that leaves” exclaimed Wynonna, for the first time looking at him.
The tears were completely covering her face now. The look on her face was completely lost. She had never planned this moment, and she didn’t know how to handle the unexpectedness of this moment.
“I don’t want to bring another innocent into this place…I won’t be able to keep it safe” exclaimed Wynonna, she crumbled then her hands touching her stomach.
When his hands touched her shoulders, they were shaking hard and as he held her, he suddenly understood her pain, her fear, and her trepidation.
“I’m all in, Wynonna, you’re not alone in this. You’ll never be alone in anything ever again” whispered Doc, holding her until her whole body seemed to give out, and only then he picked her up, carrying her back to town. She cried the whole way there.