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She woke with the dawn. She lay there, unmoving, eyes tracking the red sunlight filtering in through the window and across the wall.
She couldn't bring herself to sigh.
Today was gonna be shit.
-
The train ride jarred her uncomfortably the entire way, and she had to force herself not to squirm. Each bump of the track loosened something inside her unpleasantly. It made her think of dark, oozing things and memories best not dwelt on.
She spent the entire ride staring listlessly out of the window, thinking of a night not so long ago, drenched in blood.
Alphonse, recognizing her mood, was extra careful to make sure no one disturbed her, which was good. She might not have stopped with a metal fist to the face today.
-
She grit her teeth and bore it. She hadn’t had time to restock on painkillers, but luckily she’d managed to get some sterile bandages which would work for now. As long as she conducted herself normally, everything should be fine.
This was nothing compared to losing her arm and her leg. She’d be fine.
Her lip curled in a snarl at the door in front of her, and the bulk of her little brother’s armor shifted at her back. He carefully did not call her ‘sister’, a title she prided herself in the rest of the time, but not when her insides were gnawing at themselves. She didn’t know how he always knew the best time to hold off on it, but his intuition was unparalleled and she was so unspeakably grateful for that.
“Are we going in?” he asked, pitching his voice as quietly as he could manage.
She took one deep, calming breath- two, three- and squared her shoulders. She could do this. Yes, she was in immeasurable pain, but it was nothing new and nothing serious. Nothing compared to the pain she’d already been through in her life. She was going to go in there, report to the Bastard, maybe take out a little of her pain on him, and get a new mission, and leave.
They’d swing by a pharmacy on the way to the train station.
She nodded, and kicked the door open.
-
Her fists clenched tightly, knuckles creaking. The bastard didn’t stop talking- taunting her about something or other, she really wasn’t paying too close attention- but she did catch the quick flicker of his dark eyes down to her hands and then back up to her face.
He got that stupid fucking smug smirk that he always did when he thought he was getting one over on her. Fine. Let him think that she was doing that out of anger.
She wasn’t, it was just something else to focus on other than the gnawing in her gut, but that was none of the bastard’s business.
Fuck him, anyway. Her private life was none of his goddamn business.
She recognized, distantly, faintly, that she was becoming irrationally angry- beyond the usual. She knew why, but she was helpless to make it stop.
Hopefully the Colonel wouldn't notice if she was more combative than usual today.
-
He did notice, the fucking dickwad, but at least he seemed to chalk it up to getting under her skin instead of anything else. It didn’t stop him from needling her even longer than usual, trying to provoke a reaction.
Admittedly, that usually was as easy as breathing for him, but not today. She could not afford to explode at the Colonel today, no matter how much of a bastard he was being.
She knew, if she let go of her temper, she wouldn't stop at just yelling, and she would definitely get in trouble for that.
-
Hawkeye seemed to pick up on it, because she graced her with a warmly sympathetic look that she had to turn away from.
It wasn’t right, to get angry at the Lieutenant because she’d been there when Mom hadn’t. Someone had to explain this shit to her, and she was too young when Mom…
It wasn’t fair, to resent Riza.
Life wasn’t fair. The Truth wasn’t fair.
But she also knew it wasn’t Riza’s fault for being there when Mom couldn't be, so she tried not to hold it against her, much.
She’d focus on other things, and the next time she had to report, she would have lost that edge of sharp anger edging all of her thoughts, and her and Hawkeye would be on good terms again.
Just... not yet.
-
She almost bumped into Havoc on the way out of the office; luckily for him, he saw the look on her face and recognized it as a warning, almost leaping out of the way.
She huffed at him, not really having the energy to laugh or deal with the consequences of moving her body in that way right then, and that would have been the end of it, except he leaned in real close to whisper some information in her ear quickly before removing himself from the fallout zone smartly.
She wouldn't have hit him anyway- knowing the corner store was having a sale on dark chocolate, none of that milk chocolate shit, was worth a significant favor right now, in her opinion.
She’d pay him back later.
-
Her back was aching too, and wasn’t that just wonderful. Now it didn’t matter how she curled up when she got back to her bed, it was going to ache uncomfortably no matter what.
She’d hit the pharmacy first and grabbed some painkillers, hardly waiting to be out the door before opening the container and swallowing a few dry. Al had parted from her a street back, to swing by the library and pick up some books, so it wasn’t like he was there to scold her for not drinking anything.
She trudged towards the corner store Havoc had tipped her about, thankfully on the way to the dorms. Walking was taking considerably more energy than usual, but she was managing to look normal, albeit slower. If the store had been out of the way, she’d never have stopped.
As it was, she was getting angrier and angrier. This place was tiny, how many aisles could there be that didn’t have the chocolate- oh. In the very back corner of the store, in the very last place she looked- there they were.
Scowling, she snagged three containers before stalking carefully back up to the front and checking out.
Almost there.
-
When she finally opened the door to her room, it was all she could do not to just flop face-down on her bed, arms wrapped around her stomach and moan. The painkillers were taking effect, but not fast enough, in her opinion.
She unwrapped a chocolate and popped it in her mouth, letting it melt on her tongue and focusing intently on its taste to avoid thinking about anything else.
The sky outside the window was bleeding into black from the vibrant red of sunset.
She lay her left hand gently over her lower abdomen, letting its warmth soothe her as much as it was able to. She didn’t sigh, but only just.
Today was shit.
Tomorrow would be better.