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peter's running out of air, billion miles above the earth, and he's here wondering if maybe someone (or anyone, really) will get him to the ground.
the world looks vaguely like a blur of white and blue underneath him. the spaceship keeps rising, rising, until there won't be down anymore, just away, away from earth—
he's never been so high before
his legs feel weak as he clings to it. he's cold. everything is so fucking cold. karen keeps telling him all these weird functions on the suit are dying out (the heater's the first to go, and peter almost cries when the wave of cold hits) but he can't figure out what the hell's he's supposed to do.
he could jump. he had the parachute— oh wait... he kinda wasted that last week dicking around with ned.
(what? he's a teenager.)
((despite what everyone might think, he does not want himself dead.))
going to space is not an option, he jokes to himself, he's all out of vacation days.
and the shortness of breath turns into lightheadedness and he rips his mask off because he can't breathe he can't breathe
he thinks of may. her terrible cooking. she must be having a heart attack right now. sorry, he thinks. spider-man just killed the last parker.
he thinks of ned and mj. he thinks of them and he thinks of him and of her and he pictures their faces and their smiles and he's the dumbest idiot about to leave earth. he wonders, for a split second, how sex with them on space would feel like (not really sex, they haven't gone there yet, because mj is busy being an actual hero and punching nazis like she's captain fucking america and doesn't have the slightest interest in getting either their dicks inside her
(and most of the time she can't even get out of bed, most of the time she wears sweaters even though it's summer and ned and peter just hang out with her, read poetry to her, nerd out with her, ned and peter love her and she literally can't comprehend why anyone would look at her like she's from asgard or a wakandan princess or literally anyone else that isn't her)
and ned is too hyped up about star wars and helping his mom and being his guy in the chair and preparing for whatever the future has in store for them and definitely not panicking every time he goes with mj to a protest and they almost die or watches peter fight the murderous douchebag of the week through his screen and it ends up badly
(and honestly he's very self-conscious and doesn't wanna worry peter or mj with his dumb #firstworldproblems because they already got enough on their plate with nazis and supervillains and trump and college applications and meds and death trailing their very steps)
and peter's just a huge idiot that also happens to be a superpowered dumbass that jumps around queens in bulletproof, bombproof spandex catching bad guys, a teenager that could break their columns and rip their bleeding hearts out on accident, or he could let them fall, or he couldn't catch them on time, or he could lose them the way he sometimes loses himself to the sounds and lights overwhelming him, and okay maybe he's a little scared of that, of what he's become, so they settle with just kissing and kissing and them praising each other
(turns out peter really, really likes being praised; ned feels better when his gorgeous boyfriend with a six-pack and perfect girlfriend that trains with the black widow every other good saturday tell him he's beautiful and perfect and gorgeous just the way he is, and mj just tries to pretend she isn't proud of the way she's picking up weight but when they stare at her growing muscles, mouths hanging, she kinda likes it)
and falling off the couch when may opens the door and catches the three of them doing high-schooler things like making out almost naked with your partners in crime while return of the jedi plays on their crappy tv); the whole gigantic clusterfuck of a thought vanishes before he can be flustered about it.
he thinks of mr. stark and he looks up into the sky—
into space.
he remembers, vaguely, seeing a blue circle on the sky above stark tower. he remembers the leviathans flying out of it. he remembers iron man rising into it, into space, and then— the explosion.
the fall.
he wonders, trying to stay awake, if this is what mr. stark saw beyond the blue circle in the sky.
karen finishes shutting down and peter feels the tears sprouting out of his eyes.
peter's running out of air, alone, drifting away through space, and he thinks, maybe, someday, someone (or no one, really) will bring him back home.