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Rei's glasses slid down his nose for the fifth time. It was hot, a heat wave at the very end of summer, and he, Rin, and Nagisa had all walked from the high school to the train station together. Rei pushed his glasses up again (uselessly) before speaking. "What do you mean what's wrong with Haruka-senpai?"
Rin pressed his back against the wall, feeling the sweat sticking his shirt to his skin. "I just mean...I don't know. He's always frowning when I'm around. He never smiles or laughs or anything." Rin hadn't expected Rei to react as vocally as he had. The heat was so thick and heavy everyone seemed lifeless. Even Nagisa had had a mournful, exhausted look in his eyes as he told them he had to use the restroom. Rin and Rei were slumped against the wall outside in the shade, waiting for him.
Rei stood up straight to look directly at Rin, squinting at Rin in the sunlight with his arms folded. "He does smile. Not a lot, but occasionally. Don't tell me you haven't noticed it sometimes."
"No, I--I do, I just mean. You know. Like. What's wrong? Why's he always so serious." Rin's stomach dropped even as he asked the questions. He'd already regretted bringing this up.
"You've known him longer than I have," said Rei. "Surely you should know by now that that's just how he is. It's his demeanor."
"I know," said Rin, wincing. "It's just...he seems different. Than when we were kids. Not that he wasn't always a stick in the mud then, but..."
"I wouldn't know," said Rei sniffily in that way Rin hated. Rei, of course, was also a stick in the mud. "I didn't know him back then. But I think even I can say that it seems obvious-- patently obvious-- that the one who's changed, much more significantly than Haruka-senpai has, is you yourself."
Rin's face got hot. Haru had told him as much in the past, after all. "Yeah. OK, maybe. I've grown up. Big deal. Whoop-dee-shit."
Rei's face got this soft expression, this pitying look that made Rin's skin prickle. Rin liked Rei, but he couldn't stand it when Rei tried to get compassionate with him. "You couldn't possibly think that Haruka-senpai dislikes you."
"Never mind," said Rin. "Just forget it."
Rei didn't, of course. "He thinks incredibly highly of you. I would have thought that much was obvious, after everything that's happened."
Rin sighed, almost groaning. "Why is Nagisa taking so long? The line can't possibly be that long," he said, changing the subject with no tact at all.
"I'm just saying," persisted Rei, "despite how long you've known him, you don't seem to understand him much at all. You don't give yourself enough credit, and you certainly don't extend as much to Haruka-senpai."
"OK. Fine. You're right. Shut up. Where the hell is Nagisa? Did he have that problem with his zipper again? Do you need to go in there and help him like that one time?"
Rei made a choked noise. "That was not what happened. That was a joke, Nagisa-kun was embellishing a point for dramatic effect--"
"Yeah, he never does that," said Rin. Rei's face was turning red, and thankfully just then Nagisa emerged, not from the restroom but from further along up the train platform. Nagisa had a frustrating habit of turning up in places that made no sense—how had he gotten out of the restroom without Rin or Rei seeing him?—but Rin didn't mind it in this case. It was the last week of summer break at school, so the trains were packed. He and Rei wove through the sea of tourists and vacationing students towards Nagisa, who was waving and hollering at them loudly, and Rei couldn't pursue their conversation.
Throughout that whole summer after the relay, Rei had been the one Rin talked to the most. They had plenty in common, and he was easy for Rin to get into an argument with, which made him the easiest to talk to.
Sometimes Rin thought that it shouldn't have been so simple; of everyone, Rin probably owed the biggest debt to Rei. There was something about Rei's ridiculous but rigidly correct demeanor that made it easy for Rin to thank Rei for what Rei had done for him, made it easy for Rei to accept the thanks graciously, and made it easy for the two of them to go on as normal. As normal as Rei could be, anyway.
Everyone else on the team was different. Without realizing it, and as illogical as Rin knew it was, everything they did was imbued with uncertainty. Nagisa giggled and Rin thought it was always directed at him, no matter what. Makoto smiled and to Rin it was a paternal and exasperated smile every time, the grin you show to a child who has disappointed you. And Haru...
Haru was Haru. Inscrutable, static, a blank slate for Rin to project anything he wanted onto. Rin had just enough self-awareness to see that Rei was right; Rin himself was the one who had changed, and Haru was the same as ever. If Haru had changed, it was on a wavelength too subtle for Rin to detect.
Just before the school term started again, Rin's sister invited him to visit their grandmother's old house with her, and he surprised her by saying yes. The house was in Iwatobi, a few kilometers from the center of town and facing the ocean. It was not a far walk from a train station, but it was far from everything else.
He knew his mother had been renting it out while he'd been abroad, but he was surprised at how different everything looked. His sister was going to live here once the term started, since it was closer to the high school for her. There were boxes everywhere that he helped her unpack.
"You'll be OK here?" he asked. "By yourself? You're not nervous?"
She smiled. "Were you nervous when you moved away from home?"
"Well, I was a lot younger than you," he said.
"I'm not moving abroad, am I? I know everyone around here from when they were Grandma's neighbors. It's just a bunch of old people, so it'll be very boring." She sighed wistfully, but then her face lit up again. "But on the other hand, the high school and everyone else is very close by. I'll be fine, onii-chan. Don't worry!"
He was a little worried about her, regardless, but it wasn't justified. She was capable, much like he was, but she didn't have his overconfidence and brashness. She wouldn't end up calling their mother at three in the morning during a crisis. She wouldn't sob and beg to come home, as soon as possible, no matter what term of school it was, no matter how far away.
Rin sometimes wondered if his sister knew about that phone call. He wondered again as they ordered take-out for dinner and sat out on the patio to eat. He thought she probably did, or at least figured something like it had happened.
If she did know about it, though, she never alluded to it. Similarly, she never noticed the way his eyes drifted up the coast, towards the center of Iwatobi, where someone else was undoubtedly sitting in another old grandma house eating dinner (mackerel, probably; some kind of fish, without a doubt.) Or if she did notice, she said nothing, and Rin was grateful for that, if nothing else. Everything else frustrated him.
~
It wasn't even winter yet, only fall. Haru wasn't sure how he was going to last the entire season. He probably wouldn't have actually resorted to stowing away in Samezuka's locker room, but he never found out because just then the silence of the locker room was disturbed by loud swearing in English.
"Fucking fuck!" The words rang out in the incredible acoustics of the room, the consonants sharp and clipped. The voice didn't really sound like Rin. It didn't really sound like anyone.
Haru peeked around the walls of the communal showers, where the voice had come from--maybe. The acoustics made it hard to tell.
Rin was sitting on the bench that ran down the middle of the shower stalls. He was wearing only his briefs and had one leg up on the bench. Next to him was a little pot with a wooden stick in it, and he was holding a white strip of paper.
Rin must have heard the footsteps, or maybe sensed someone looking at him, because he looked up and stared right at Haru in such utter abashment that Haru almost turned around and ran away right there.
A second later, though, Rin's face rearranged itself into an expression of casualness. "Yo."
Haru advanced a little closer. "Hi."
"Surprised to see you here."
Haru found himself taking more steps forward. He wanted to speak but didn't know what to say. He wanted to sit but thought it was an odd thing to do, considering the situation.
Rin was trying to look completely unconcerned, and it helped. It wasn't fooling either of them, but at least it helped. "You got great timing," he said.
"That's debatable."
Rin snorted. "Well, yeah." He looked at Haru, and for the first time Haru looked right in his eyes.
Rin was obviously nervous. Haru wondered if Rin was also thinking about the last time they'd been alone together. That had been the day of the relay, or, more accurately, the brief period right before the relay, which existed as a strange, bright haze in Haru's mind.
"Do you want..." said Haru as Rin started saying something else. "Sorry."
"What were you going to say?" asked Rin. His face was red.
"I was wondering if you wanted to do something with me. Like. Hang out. Did you want to…." Haru's voice trailed off and innovation almost completely left him. "Swim?"
Rin stared.
"Or," said Haru, innovation suddenly coming back to him, "we could do...something else?" Rin was still staring, but his expression was teetering between disbelief and amusement. "After you're done there, obviously."
For a second Rin looked like he wanted to say something unkind, but he either thought better of it or it occurred to him that Haru had walked in on him waxing his legs so maybe he didn't have a lot of room to mock. Still, when he spoke it was with the same disbelief. "You really are something, aren't you?" His words briefly put Haru on the defensive, but a second later Rin was stirring the wax again and speaking thoughtfully. "Pool's closed. Dorm's are gonna close in like an hour. Doesn't leave us with a lot of time to do much. But I mean--" He must have noticed the small movement Haru made, as if he wanted to run again. "You don't have to go," he said quickly. "If you don't want to. I didn't ask you to stay because I thought you might think it was weird but I mean I forgot that you're..."
He trailed off and Haru looked straight at him again, tilting his head to the side as he stared at Rin.
"That you're Haru," Rin finished, and his sharp grin somehow put Haru completely at ease. He slid closer to Rin and looked closer at what he was doing.
"That looks like a pain," he said, peering at the skin on Rin's knee that Rin had just pulled the wax off of. "Is it supposed to be red like that?"
"I guess?" said Rin, making an expression of distaste at the used strip of paper. "I've never done it before."
"Why not just use the safety razor?" Haru asked. Rin had one next to him on the bench.
"I cut myself on accident all the damn time with those things," he said darkly. He spread more wax along his shin, next to the red patch of his knee. "Might as well give this a shot."
"Sounds like a bother," said Haru. "Why do it?"
"It's good for your time."
"How does it even matter?" asked Haru. "Your legs are covered by your swimsuit anyway."
"Look, you're the guy who's always going on about feeling the water or whatever. Shouldn't you understand this? It's a mental thing." He stuck the paper to the wax and braced himself to pull it. Haru braced himself, too, and predictably Rin yelled again, just as loud as before.
"Damn! Fuck! Fucking--" He closed his mouth, took a deep breath through his nose. "God."
"You would think it wouldn't hurt so bad on the second time," said Haru.
Rin had his eyes closed and was massaging his temples. "I really have no idea."
"You're being very loud," said Haru.
"No shit! Why do you think I came down here? You're not helping, do you realize that? You could at least make an effort at small talk to distract me."
Haru paused, feeling like Rin had tossed him a ball and he, Haru, was desperately running to get under its arc. He opened his mouth but did not say anything for a second as Rin applied another strip. Many suitable conversational topics leapt into his head, about school, about the swim team, about Rin's family. So there really was no reason, not reason at all, for Haru to have a minor panic and say: "Let me help you."
Rin stared at Haru as if he had lost it.
"I'll pull the strip off for you," said Haru. "It'll help. You won't be expecting it."
Now Rin looked like he suspected he himself was losing it. "This isn't what I was really thinking when you said we could hang out. For the record."
"Do you not want me to?"
"It's like. You sob your eyes out in front of a guy and then barely see him for the rest of the summer and then it's like. Hey, let me wax your legs for you."
"You're rambling."
Rin had been looking at the ceiling, but he drew in a big breath and finally nodded. "A little bit," he said in agreement. "All right. Fine. Do it. Fuck it. Fuck me. Go ahead." He sighed and held out the tongue depressor to Haru, who grabbed it as if he knew what he was doing.
~
Normally, the things he wanted were simple enough, and the things that were more complicated were provided by another source: Makoto. Makoto had that preternatural way of knowing what Haru wanted, and he would oftentimes, directly or indirectly, see that those opportunities presented themselves.
Of course, until recently, what else had Haru wanted besides the simple things? Water, sunlight, solitude. Everything else almost seemed like extra, like asking too much of the world in general, and Makoto in particular. Haru couldn't expect Makoto to intuit everything, after all.
Not to say that Makoto didn't already know everything, of course. They'd never even had a conversation about it and yet, lately, Makoto had been asking Haru every so often: "Have you seen Rin lately?" "Have you talked to Rin lately?" "Have you thought about inviting Rin for dinner?" Makoto asked so kindly, so naturally, that Haru, who had a contrary streak, developed a block about it. Makoto's well-meaning questions and hints had the opposite of their intended effect, which Haru dimly realized was stupid on his own part. Haru wanted to see Rin, wanted to see him and talk to him as much as swim with him, but Haru was out of practice in making the less easy things he wanted happen. He was dealing with an unfamiliar feeling; it reminded him that sometimes you had to actually expend effort to get the things you wanted, and Haru was waking up to the fact for the first time in a very long while.
So the oddness of the situation didn't faze him. The fact that it was happening at all was enough. Haru looked at the wax again and then back up at Rin. "If it hurts so bad, why do it?"
"It's like losing a bet with yourself," said Rin. "I can't explain it."
Haru nodded. He didn't quite understand it, but it was consistent with what he understood of Rin. He reached out to brace his hand on Rin's knee, and then smoothed out the paper, grabbing the end by Rin's ankle.
Rin shuddered. Haru felt it, going all the way up his own arm. "Ready?"
Rin nodded. He turned away and stared at the wall behind him. "Go ahead."
Haru counted to three inside his head, and then tore the strip off several times until he had pulled off all the wax he had spread.
If anything, Rin swore even louder throughout the entire process. Haru gave him a second before speaking. "Again?"
"Of course," said Rin, snapping.
Haru nodded (not that Rin could see him; he was still staring at the wall,) and grabbed the wax. He took the wooden stick and started spreading it on Rin's other leg.
Rin jumped. "I could do that," he muttered, but he didn't stop Haru.
Haru braced his other hand on Rin's knee again, and while he flattened out the creases in the paper, he started stroking Rin's kneecap with his thumb, trying to get the tension out of Rin's legs. Haru could feel it, could see the contractions of the muscles all the way up Rin's legs.
"Are you squeezing my knee?" asked Rin suddenly. He was still looking at the opposite wall.
Haru's hand stilled. "Do you want me to stop?"
"I just--no, it's fine. I'm just checking. You're squeezing my knee."
"You should relax a little," said Haru softly. "It would hurt less."
"How did you get to be such an expert on this shit?" asked Rin.
"I'm not."
"Well, you're acting like you ar--ow. Fuck!" Haru quickly did the second patch, along the back of Rin's leg. "Fuck. I wasn't ready."
"Did it hurt less?"
Rin took a deep breath and stared back at the wall; for a second his eyes had been fixated on Haru's hand stroking his knee, and Haru had noticed that Rin's eyes were watering in pain. "A little bit."
Haru looked down. He'd done the knees, the shins, and the meat of each of Rin's calves. Haru noticed the way Rin was tensing up and let go of his knee. "Done?"
Rin tensed even more; Haru could tell even without touching him. "Wait." Rin cleared his throat, a bit too obviously. "Do the thighs too." Haru must have looked like he was hesitating, because Rin added in a smirk that was much more like him: "I mean. You aren't chickening out on me, are you?"
"Of course not." He grabbed Rin's knee again. "Bend your legs."
"Do it quick this time."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah. No more fucking around. Just get it over with."
Haru nodded. He spread a larger amount of wax and applied the strip in quick succession all around Rin's thigh, ending on the tender skin on the inside. In the quiet after he was done, Haru heard Rin make a tiny choked off noise before he leaned his head against his knee, against Haru's hand that was resting on his knee still. To Haru, it seemed natural enough to reach out and and brush away some of the hair sticking to Rin's wet forehead. Rin shuddered a little but didn't protest.
"We don't have to do the other one," said Haru. "If you don't want to."
"That's not why--" Rin finally looked up and Haru saw the deep marks in his lower lip where he'd been biting himself. "Of course we'll do the other one. What do you think I am, some kind of weirdo?"
Haru nodded."Alright."
"You can smile. That was a joke."
Haru nodded again. "Put your other leg up." Rin didn't move. "Rin?"
"I'm just trying to figure out," began Rin slowly, "how much of this is you-weirdness how much is...normal locker room weirdness."
Haru moved his hand, making Rin look up at him. "Locker room weirdness?"
"Yeah. You know, like. Weirdness. In a locker room. Everyone gets it."
Haru just stared at him and Rin sighed, and then finally put his other leg up on the bench. "Do it."
Haru tore and Rin swore just as loudly. It was easier for Haru and apparently the hardest for Rin.
"All done," said Haru quietly, and Rin nodded, looking at his own lap, at his own smooth legs. His hair fell in his face and Haru couldn't make out his expression.
He rested his closed mouth against Rin's knee. That made Rin look up finally, his face still and his mouth set in a straight line. Haru touched his leg, rubbing his finger pads down Rin's Achilles tendon and around his ankle.
They locked eyes for a second. Haru moved his hand up Rin's leg, feeling the warmth in his palm, and the smoothness of the skin and the tension in the muscle. He kissed the skin of Rin's knee. It was a little hot against his lips.
All of Rin's legs were a little red, and the same warmth emanated from them all over. Haru ran his hands in a slow path up Rin's calf, behind his knee and under his thighs. Rin made a strange huffing noise and moved his leg so Haru's hand was pressed against the inside of Rin's thigh, right where it was warmest. Rin let out a small sigh, and Haru could see that his hands were clenching the wood of the bench, keeping himself balanced and just barely upright.
Haru pressed his mouth against Rin's kneecap again, kissing it and then dragging his lips up the smooth skin. He might have liked to lick it, but he didn't want to taste any of the leftover wax. He wanted to taste Rin.
He withdrew for a second, and Rin looked surprised and confused for a moment when Haru touched him by grabbing him around the waist. Then he understood. Rin angled his hips up and Haru removed the underwear Rin was wearing, throwing them off towards the corner so they wouldn't get wet when Haru turned on the shower.
The water came out right over the bench. Haru spent a few seconds rinsing his head with water and closing his eyes before Rin's voice broke through his reverie.
"Haru." He sounded more subdued than normal. "Haru, your swimsuit." Haru opened his eyes and looked at Rin in confusion, as if Rin had woken him from a deep sleep..
"Take it off," said Rin.
Haru nodded and stood up, taking a step back and peeling the soaking material away from his body. Rin was watching him, his half-wet hair sticking to his scalp and his lips slightly parted and swollen from biting them so much.
Haru stared at him for a second, at Rin's mouth and his widening eyes, before he was back on the floor in front of the bench. He wasn't the type to get distracted; he had wanted to taste the wet skin of Rin's knee, so that was what he did. He ran his tongue up Rin's leg and enjoyed how smooth and warm it felt, even under the water spray. He tasted the water and Rin and closed his eyes.
Rin made a choked noise, similar to the sounds he'd been making before, and Haru looked back at his face as he licked along the dips in Rin's knees. Rin parted his legs and drew in a breath when Haru licked up his inner thighs.
"Haru," said Rin. It was harsh, like a snap or a bark, with a whining edge.
Haru paused, his mouth hovering. His face was so close that his cheek was almost rubbing against Rin's cock. Haru leaned down and ran his mouth down the length of it, just as he'd tasted Rin's legs. He worked just as slowly as before, but this time Rin touched him, petting his hair and dragging his fingers lightly along Haru's scalp.
It felt good; the water on his back, the shiver that went down his body as Rin scratched him, even the taste of Rin, the taste of his dick, all of it was shockingly satisfying to Haru. He kept licking and kissing at the head of Rin's cock, only drawing back when Rin made such a pained noise Haru thought it must have been too much.
"Don't stop," said Rin, and he caught Haru's eye for a moment, his eyes wider than Haru had ever seen them, not cynical or shadowed at all anymore. "Don't stop, Haru, please--" His voice was deep and had this throatiness like he'd just woken up from sleeping. When Haru licked at the head of his dick, moving the foreskin around with his tongue, Rin made a noise of relief and surprise.
Haru teased the tip with his tongue, then experimented with taking a small part of it in his mouth. He sucked slightly before drawing away, running his tongue along Rin's slit and trying to take a little more in his mouth. He was so absorbed he only heard Rin's shouts as a static background noise.
He was surprised when Rin suddenly grabbed him by the armpits and pulled him up into his lap. He crushed his mouth against Haru's with such force Haru would have fallen off the bench if Rin's arms weren't locked around him in a death grip, if Rin hadn't pulled him up and made sure Haru's legs were wrapped around him tightly.
Rin made a ring with his hand for both their cocks to thrust into, but only a few more jerks and Rin came with a noise he muffled in Haru's neck. He was utterly still for a second, breathing heavily against Haru and not moving his hand. Haru stayed still as well, listening to Rin's breathing and the patter of the water hitting the floor. Haru shifted a little, and Rin gasped as Haru brushed against his cock.
"Sorry," said Haru.
"I can't believe," said Rin, still into Haru's neck, "that you've been avoiding me for three months."
Haru stirred. "I haven't been avoiding you," he said to the back of Rin's head. That was all he could see. "What made you think that?"
"What made me think that?" Rin sat up enough to look at Haru's face. He moved his hand, and Haru moved his hips in an answering movement. Rin ignored him, though. "I've barely seen you in ages."
"I wasn't avoiding you," said Haru. "Why do you think I come here so often?"
"To use the pool."
"OK, but the other reason I come here," said Haru. "It's you."
Rin moved his head, rubbing his wet forehead into Haru's shoulder. "Everyone and their damn mother is telling me how you come here every week to swim in our goddamn pool, how you practically beg Mikoshiba 'cause you're that desperate, and you never came up to see me once, like never one goddamn time."
"Don't get upset," said Haru.
"I'm not upset!" he said, but his face was still hidden in Haru's neck and he was clutching him as if he were a life preserver. "I just...I thought you hated me."
"I don't hate you," said Haru. "I just didn't know how to begin."
Rin shook his head. "I thought...once we worked things out. That you weren't interested in me anymore. Like I wasn't worth the time for you anymore, now that everything was settled, obviously--"
"Rin," Haru said, and kissed his neck lightly.
Rin shuddered, and this time his voice cracked with a legitimate sob. "This is dumb. This is so, so dumb." Haru didn't argue. "This is all stupid. I love you."
Haru kissed his neck again and again, up until he was at Rin's chin. He tilted it up so Rin had to look at him. "I love you."
And that was that.