Chapter Text
Regression was a common occurrence for the sides. In events of high stress, emotional shutdowns, or, heaven forbid, trauma it wasn't uncommon for sides to regress to the size and mindset of a young child. The severity of the cause would dictate how one would act in these periods of temporary de-aging. Akin to the butterfly effect, small and minuscule details would snowball, making each time this sort of thing happened a vastly different experience. Sometimes they would have memories of being an adult, those were usually when the attacks were less severe, though there were exceptions, and the regression would end quickly, lasting a day or two at the most. Other times, however, they would have no memories of adulthood, they would act exactly like they did as a child. This usually occurred when the attack was awful enough to make the side effected break down crying or screaming. Ages would vary from three to seven. Regression would normally last several days or even weeks if that happened.
This had become so commonplace that none of the sides would bat an eye when one of them would randomly start crying for seemingly no reason only to poof into a child the next minute. Of the four, Virgil had experienced regression the most. It made sense, his connection to Thomas came with some problems, to say the least. The sides had certain connections with Thomas that they never really brought up to him, they hadn’t had a situation where they thought to discuss it. Certain levels of stress were linked to them, if Thomas had an emotional shutdown Patton would have one too, if Thomas went through heavy confidence loss Roman would too, and if Thomas had an anxiety attack Virgil would too and so on and so forth. Those usually triggered the regression, and with how much stress and worry was put on Virgil's shoulders, he had regressed several times. He was also the one that introduced the concept of the other sides.
Before the sides had begun to truly accept Virgil, or even knew his name, they didn’t really notice when he would just up and disappear for a few days or even weeks, normally chalking it up to him wishing to be by himself. Patton was the only one who would start to worry about the anxious trait, but he never really got the chance to check on him because he would get distracted easily, usually because of work or something going on with Thomas. But after the
‘Anxiety ducking out incident,’
the other three sides became hyper-aware of Virgil’s feelings and actions in an attempt to make him feel more welcomed. So when he didn’t come out of his room one day, the others began to worry. At first, they thought he was just sleeping in, but as the hours ticked by, they became more and more concerned. Eventually, Patton went up to Virgil’s room to try and check on him, only to find that he was now the size of a child and sobbing in a corner. They all panicked, of course, this was all new and confusing to them. There was finger-pointing, arguing, blaming, and frightening questions.
Would he stay this way forever? Was this only temporary? Did Roman mess with that Dragon Witch again? How would this affect Thomas?
How did this even happen??
Their questions were answered when he changed back to his normal age after a week. He explained his deep-rooted connection to Thomas, and how severe anxiety attacks had triggered regression in the past. Each of the sides felt guilty for not noticing his predicaments earlier. Soon after, regression became something that the four accepted as something that just happened. Three out of the four sides had experienced regression at least once. Patton regressed second most of the sides, normally after a severe emotional shutdown, his regressions usually lasted a few days, sometimes a week. Roman regressed twice before, both times for only three days. All of the sides had regressed at least once… all of them, except Logan. It was honestly surprising, and a little confusing, that he had yet to regress one time, considering that he underwent so much pressure. Perhaps it was because he never reached his limit? He didn’t really know.
Logan was not very keen on the idea of regressing anyway. It would cause too many problems while only temporarily solving one, not to mention how embarrassing the whole ordeal would be. So he avoided overstepping his levels, which was not an easy feat. Logan was logic, he was Thomas’ brain, and he was the one who kept things in order. He kept Thomas grounded, made sure he stayed on schedule, hell he made all the damn schedules! He was the literal
‘brains of the operation.’
If he were to regress, things might fall into chaos! So no, no he was not going to allow himself to become stressed enough to warrant regression. No, not at all. It was logical and possibly dangerous. But, even someone who tried to keep their stress low couldn’t avoid the eventual oversight that would one day occur.
Logan sat at the desk in his room, pencil placed firmly on the planner in front of him. If one were to not know the context of the situation, they would be shocked at the state of the logical traits bedroom. Crumpled up paper overflowed from a nearby trash bin, spilling over and littering the carpeted floor, and his desk was covered with more papers and eraser shavings. In short, his room was a mess. It was completely silent, save for the tapping of the pencil gripped tightly in his hand as it repeatedly came in contact with his paper, creating a large, black, messy dot. Minutes passed as he just repeated the action, then he let out a frustrated huff and let his pencil fall from his hand. He pushed up his glasses and rubbed his face with an exacerbated groan. This was not going as he had planned, no not at all. Logan was attempting to write out Thomas’ schedule, keyword
‘attempting.’
It was all so vexatious, he had made all of his host’s schedules for years, and he made sure that he followed them precisely. Yes, he had small hiccups here and there, but normally, with a few cups of coffee, sheer pride, and stubbornness, he would come through in the end.
So why, pray tell, was this time so divergent from the other times he had written Thomas’ schedules? Logan truly didn’t know, and that infuriated him to no end. The logical trait ordinarily prided himself for keeping his emotions inside him. You see, Logan had gained a bit of a reputation as the trait that lacked emotions, even though that couldn’t be farther from the truth. Logan had emotions, he just didn’t show them. He had many logical reasons for this. Emotions caused problems, large and small, he could point to Patton just to prove that hypothesis. Logan had witnessed Morality have emotional breakdowns, and each time Patton looked so hurt, and scared, and those events made him decide that he never wanted to experience anything as upsetting as that. Emotions also interfered with rational thought, often times overruling the clear-cut decisions that one should take. So, Logan bottled his feelings up and forced them away. He was logic, he would reason to himself. Emotions just get in the way of your purpose. Illogical and inconsequential.
He glared at the planner as though it had wronged him in some way, and in a way it had, then he sighed. Picking up his pencil again, he silently erased the dot he had all but stabbed onto the paper, adding more shavings to the growing pile on his desk. Every time he thought he had the flawless version of the schedule, something would come up in Thomas’ life, causing him to have to rewrite the whole thing over again. This had been occurring for the past four days. And this was the fifth revision he had written, not even counting the other fruitless drafts that filled his trash bin. Once the dot was no longer on the paper Logan released the pencil again, and huffed, then he let his face slam into the desk. No matter how much he fought off the raising tension clawing at his being, it would just come back stronger. Like a boomerang, no matter how hard you throw it, it would just return back to its source, and if you didn’t pay attention, it would hit you right in the face, leading to nothing but pain and regret. And that was precisely what Logan was about to experience.
Finally, he lifted his face from where he had, quite ungracefully, face planted and stared at himself in the mirror hanging on the wall in front of him. Patton had given it to him, he stated that if he hung it in front of his desk he could give himself pep talks to keep himself motivated while writing schedules and video ideas. Highly improbable he thought, nevertheless Logan humored Patton and hung it up anyway, mostly to not hurt the moral side’s feelings. Though he never honestly used it. It was simply a decoration now. Logan glared at the face that stared back at him. Pale, hunched shoulders, disheveled hair, and baggy-eyes, the embodiment of an exhausted individual. In any regular case, someone in Logan’s shoes would just pack up for the day, take a nap, or at the very least, rest for a little while. But Logan was not going to give in, he despised giving in. His core purpose was to keep everything running smoothly, to make sure Thomas thought everything through, and be the voice of reason. He was the planner, the brain, he was logic.
If he couldn’t get something so simple done, then that means he failed, and if he failed at making a schedule, then he would have failed Thomas. He could not allow that. So he tore his gaze from the mirror, picked his pencil back up, and began silently writing once more. He was going to get this finished, no matter what it cost him. Where he got this sudden surge of confidence and motivation, he didn’t know. Perhaps it had some correlation with the slight amount of stress that was lifted from his shoulders? Thomas must have done something outside the Mindscape. Just as Logan settled in and began to focus, the snowball slipped, and began to roll downhill…
fast.
It was something so small, so tiny, that changed the course of that day. Thomas and Joan had just completed a prop needed for the next video, a fake laptop akin to the one used in one of his past videos, and both of them were relieved. This had taken them two days to make.
Thomas went to go put it in a safe place, not wanting to risk it getting broken, but it appeared that the world was against him today. As he rounded his couch, he straight up tripped over his own feet sending the prop flying across the room. It crashed to the floor, the monitor, which was just a mirror, cracked heavily upon impact, and the keys they had just finished gluing on went flying around the room. Thomas just stared in shock, and Joan quickly rushed to his side to see if he was okay. All that time, just… went right out the window. He quickly reassured Joan that he was okay… but, the prop was not. The two of them silently picked up the now broken laptop, and Joan shot Thomas a sympathetic look. “We can probably fix it, Thomas.” They muttered, placing a hand on his back as a comforting gesture. Thomas, of course, knew that. They could fix it. But now they needed to buy more supplies, sure they could just pick up the scattered keys and glue them back on, but they would need to buy another mirror. Finding the first one was hard enough, it needed to be just the right size to fit into the fake monitor casing, now they had to get
another
one.
In any other case, Thomas would have just been a little annoyed, maybe disappointed, but as the stress of the past few days caught up to him, the man felt himself becoming more and more irritated. Thomas was pissed. Joan caught on when they noticed Thomas clench his hands into fists and his eyes snap shut. They became serious, turning to face Thomas fully and shifting their arm so his hand was settled on their friend’s shoulder. “Thomas, breath. Take a break and go upstairs. I’ll see what I can do about the prop.” Reluctantly Thomas did as he was told, throwing out a barely audible; “Thank you.” before shuffling upstairs. Once he reached the top, Thomas made his way to his room and flopped onto his bed, not even bothering to close his door. He laid there in silence for few minutes, then he let out an enraged groan. The stress had caught up to him. In the event of high stress, humans tend to react in one of several ways: Anxiety and depression, anger and outbursts, burnout and inability to focus, withdrawing socially and forgetfulness, or increased irritability and restlessness.
Thomas was tipping towards having an enraged outburst. He had to buy a new mirror, after it took forever to find the first one, had to reglue the keys, had to take more time out of his schedule to remake this prop. Thomas could feel more and more frustration build up inside of him, it burned. He was backed into a corner, so stressed out of his mind that he didn’t know what to do, who to talk to, or how to make it stop. Finally, everything snapped, and Thomas began to cry out of pure frustration and stress. That’s when the snowball crashed. Back in the Mindscape, Logan still sat at his desk writing diligently, smiling to himself. If he kept going at this pace he might get finished within a few hours! He could feel pride well up inside of him. He hadn’t failed, he hadn’t disappointed Thomas, everything was coming full-circle. Then he stopped writing mid-word, the grip on his pencil tightening hard, and his body going rigid. That was… perplexing.
It felt like someone just slapped him right across the face. Then he felt a pain well up in his chest, it was minuscule, but it was there. Suddenly, it intensified, becoming sharper and more noticeable. It felt as though someone had taken a scolding hot iron and pressed it firmly to his heart, making his chest burn. He gasped when the pain became unbearable, dropping his pencil, placing a hand to his chest and hissing shakily. It hurt, oh god it hurt. And it just continued! It was getting worse and worse, burning, smoldering, pain. His eyes snapped shut, his hand clenched at the front of his shirt, and he began to shake. What on earth was going on?! His free hand went to his head, the palm pressing against his forehead as he felt a headache hit him hard. His head felt like it just got hit by a truck. His breathing suddenly became erratic, sharp intakes, shakey outtakes, quick, then slow. Why was he in such pain?? Then his breathing shifted from erratic to panicked, short, quick breaths. What was the cause? It felt like he was losing air, like some unknown source was tearing it from his lungs, replacing it with this burning sensation. Why won’t it stop!? Make it stop! Make it stop!! Make it stop!!!
Logan felt his body tense up painfully as the sheer agony reached its peak. It was unbearable. Logan’s mouth fell open, the tears he had been fighting back sprang into his eyes, and he screamed. He screamed loud enough to shatter glass as a ripple effect rolled over his body, making him curl in on himself. So many repressed emotions surged into his mind, fear, hurt, confusion, worry, all of them hit him at once. It was all too overwhelming. So much so that all Logan could do was lay curled up in his chair, having pulled his legs into his seat, arms wrapped tightly around the limbs, and head buried against them. Then, the pain just… vanished. Like the flip of a coin, one minute the pain was excruciating and the next it was gone, as though it had never been there to begin with, leaving him as just a trembling ball in his chair. He didn’t even experience any sort of phantom pains or aftershocks. It was as though the whole situation had never taken place. Jarring.
A second ticked by before Logan slowly uncurled himself from the ball he had put himself in, taking shallow breaths in an attempt to calm himself and pushing up his glasses again to rub the stray tears away. He sighed shakily, letting his glasses fall back over his eyes before adjusting them, noting how… large and heavy they suddenly felt. Peculiar. They hadn’t felt like that before. Perhaps it was a side-effect of what had just occurred? Maybe his body had been slightly weakened from whatever that was? Logan leaned back slightly, wanting very much to rest for a moment before returning to his work, after all he was still required to complete it, when he jolted forward after he almost fell through the back of his chair. That couldn’t be right… Logan’s eyes practically shot open, and he whirled around, staring at the backrest of the chair. It had grown remarkably taller in size… Logan felt the color drain from his face as he slowly turned back around.
He brought his hands up from where they had been resting on the seat and stared at them in stunned silence. They were… small, little, tiny, minuscule,
not adult.
Logan’s breathing sped up again as he studied his palms, then slowly turned them to look at the back of his hands. This isn’t right. This is wrong, so very wrong! His glasses, they felt heavy, big, they kept slipping down his face more than normal. The mirror! Logan quickly stood up in the chair, almost falling over in the process, and stared, wide-eyed and mouth gaped, at the reflection the glass showed him. He gasped sharply, tiny hands shooting up and grabbing at the sides of his face. He… he was so small, face slightly pudgy, stubby hands, glasses far too large for his little face, eyes big and wide, tiny nose, short body. Logan panicked, his heavy breathing increasing tenfold, and his body shaking like a leaf. No, no, no, no, no, no, no! This wasn’t okay! This wasn’t right! This wasn’t good, not at all!
He had regressed. He was a child. A small, defenseless, baby-faced, child. This. Was. Bad. He couldn’t regress! He was logic! He had work to do! He had to help Thomas! Logan desperately attempted to fight the rapidly raising fear that was filling his now little body. He felt nauseous like he was about to vomit. It felt like he was being pulled in different directions, part of him screaming to fix this and the other smaller part telling him to go find one of the others. He ignored the latter, he was not letting the others see him like this. “No, no, no, no, no, no,
no-!”
Logan scrambled to get down from his chair so he could… well, he didn’t know what he would do, he just knew he wanted down from this chair. Unfortunately, he overstepped and ended up slipping off the seat. His arm scrapped along the edge, causing him to shriek, hitting the ground with a rather loud thump. He whimpered, looking over the long scrape across his lower arm. There was no blood, it appeared he had only scratched off a thin layer of skin, leaving a long, white abrasion.
Logan sniffled, biting his lower lip. Why did this hurt so much? This shouldn’t hurt as much as it did. It was a simple abrasion, not even a severe one at that, there was no blood nor any broken bones or skin, yet it felt like someone had slashed his arm with a hot knife. He felt tears welling up in his eyes, and he quickly tried to force them down. This was illogical and pointless. He shouldn’t be on the verge of tears. He was above all of this! “Dun’ cry, dun’ cry, dun’ cry, d-dun’ cry-.” He muttered to himself. However, his eyes decided to betray him because tears started slipping from his eyes, followed by sobs tumbling out of his little mouth. Logan brought his arm close, cradling it to his chest as though it was broken while he cried and sobbed in pain. It stung, really, really bad.
As these events transpired, Patton was downstairs in the living room, eyes fixated on the TV. He was currently watching the new Steven Universe episode with a big goofy grin on his face. The moral side loved this cartoon so darn much! He only wished that they would air it more, it seemed like it rarely came on nowadays. But hey, that meant it felt more special when it did come on. Patton had just finished making some chocolate chip cookies, which were sitting on the table in front of the couch. He leaned over and picked up one, nomming at the snack. Then he jumped, almost choking on the cookie when he heard screaming coming from upstairs. His head snapped to the top of the staircase, brown eyes wide with surprise and worry. He looked over at Virgi, who had been laying on the couch next to him, and they exchanged concerned looks. “That sounded like it came from Logan’s room…” The anxious trait muttered, looking a little startled from the unexpected loud noise. Patton nodded, standing from the comfy chair. “I think you’re right. I’m gonna go check on him.” He said slowly, making his way to the stairs, worried expression never leaving his face.
Virgil nodded back at him, then returned to scrolling through Tumblr on his phone. Patton began walking upstairs, wondering briefly what could have made Logan scream like that, only to be pulled from his thoughts by a child-like shriek coming from Logan’s room. The moral trait immediately started sprinting in the direction of his room. That didn't sound right, nor did it sound like Logan. He didn’t even knock on the door, Patton just threw it open, expecting to see Logan badly hurt, having a nightmare, something bad. Well… he was half right. Logan was hurt, though it didn’t look that bad. Patton was more concerned about Logan’s appearance at the moment. He was small. A child. It didn’t take long for Patton to realize what had happened, he had seen this happen to Virgil many, many times. Logan had regressed. “Logan?” The boy in question’s head snapped up to stare at Patton. The moral trait felt his heart break when he saw Logan’s face. Tear stained cheeks, wide glossed-over eyes, scared and hurt. The poor boy looked absolutely pitiful.
Logan felt his fear spike. He wanted to run away, hide from the now older side, to save himself the embarrassment and pain of how he would react, but, for some reason, he didn’t. He couldn’t fathom why. Instead, he lifted his little arms and made a grabbing motion at Patton, pleading with his eyes for the older side to do… something! “P-Pat-in...” Was all he could choke out, the trait’s name feeling foreign to Logan’s mouth. Patton couldn’t take it anymore, his fatherly instincts kicked into high gear and he crossed the room quickly, got down on his knees, and gently pulled Logan into his arms. Logan clung to Patton immediately, burying his face in his chest and crying uncontrollably. His tiny body shook as the sobs wracked his frame. “Oh Logan... what happened buddy?” Patton’s voice was softer than normal, laced with concern and worry, but at the same time love. Logan had only heard Patton use that tone with Virgil and Roman, never had it been directed at himself. The logical side decided in that moment that he wanted to hear it more. “I-I-I f-fell.” He muttered shakily, unballing one of his fists from Patton’s shirt and pointing at the chair.
Patton looked up at the chair and frowned, a sympathetic look crossing his face. “You fell off the chair?” He asked gently, lowering his gaze back down to the trembling child in his arms. Logan nodded his head in response, not trusting his mouth to form coherent words at the moment. “Oh buddy, are you okay? You didn’t get hurt did you?” Patton coaxed, rubbing Logan’s back in order to comfort him. Logan lifted his head from Patton’s chest, just enough so he could hear him. “S-Scwaped m-my awm…” He admitted, not looking up at the older trait, preferring to keep him from seeing the pathetic look on his face. He momentarily grimaced at his poor pronunciation, simple words seemed a little harder to say for his tiny mouth. Patton let out a soft “Oh.” and softly ran a hand through the little side’s fluffy hair. “Can I see your arm Logan?” Logan hesitated, then carefully shifted his arm so Patton could see it. He whimpered quietly due to the skin still feeling sore and stingy. Patton took Logan’s wrist into his hand, making sure not to touch the scrape, and looked it over.
It didn’t look too bad, the whiteness had faded into a light red, and he wasn’t bleeding. But Patton knew how children worked. To Logan, it felt less like a simple scrape from a fall and more like someone had burned his arm. The poor boy must’ve been scared to death. Finally, Logan lifted his head to look up at Patton, pain clear on his little face. “It ‘urts P-Pat-in…” He managed, using his free hand to push up his glasses and wipe some of his tears away, only for them to be replaced moments later by new ones. All he wanted was for Patton to make the pain go away. He hated it. “I know it does Lo, but don’t worry, it’ll be okay. Your arm will get better.” Patton assured him, rubbing his thumb across Logan’s little wrist and bringing him back into his chest. Logan knew his arm would get better, he knew it. It was common logic that most, if not all, wounds would eventually heal. He didn’t need to be told that. Yet, for some reason, it felt comforting hearing Patton say that even if it did make Logan feel more like a clueless child.
Minutes passed as the two sat on the ground, Patton gently cradling Logan’s head while the other rubbed up and down his back, before the young side’s sobbing subsided into sniffles. “Feel better Lo?” Patton asked, voice still soft and warm, not daring to move Logan in case he still needed him. Logan merely let out a tiny hum, not moving from the warm embrace Patton was providing. It was odd. Patton had hugged him before, numerous times actually, but for some strange reason, this time felt… different. He couldn’t quite put his finger on it. Logan shifted his head slightly, staring up at his desk, and then remembering what he was doing before this whole situation began. “I need to finish Th-Thaaa-.” Logan frowned, sounding out the name in his head. “Tom-iss’ sc-sceh-do-all.” He winced at how badly he just butchered the last word and Thomas’ name. Patton was torn between chuckling and looking worried. “I don’t think you’re gonna be working on anything big for a while Logan, you’re too little.”
Logan shifted his head again and glared up at Patton, making the most serious face he could muster. He just had a smaller body, he was still him damn it! “M’ not wittle.” Patton couldn’t help it, he let a snicker escape his lips. This was too adorable. Logan’s little “serious face” looked like nothing more than a child pouting. The moral trait smiled down at Logan. “Sure Kiddo, and I’m not Patton, I’m just a monkey wearing clothes.” Logan huffed, crossing his little arms and puffing up his cheeks, making Patton chuckle. Oh how he wished he could take a picture right now, that face was adorable. “But you are small Lo, you don’t look older than four years old!” It was true, Logan was quite small, smaller than an average child. His clothes had shrunk down to his new size, except for his glasses which took up a good portion of his face. He looked so darn cute. Logan’s face fell slightly. He didn’t like this, not at all. He needed to get Thomas’ schedule done! It was his purpose to keep everything in order, he couldn’t do that if he was a four year old! It was all so frustrating.
Patton noticed Logan’s sudden downcast expression, so he wracked his brain to think of a way to cheer him up, after all, he was going to be like this for a least a day or two, don’t want him to spend all that time being a lil’ pouty child. “Hey Kiddo, why don’t we go downstairs and watch a movie? We could watch Big Hero Six! I’m sure Virgil wouldn’t mind watching it with us.” Logan’s face lit up slightly when Patton mentioned Big Hero Six, he really loved that movie, normally he wasn’t one for animated shows or movies, they just gave him headaches because they never followed any sense of logic. Big Hero Six was his only exception to that, sure it still had aspects that defied logic, but the better qualities of the movie outweighed the more absurd moments. However, when Patton mentioned Virgil, Logan’s face drained of color and he shook his head frantically. “No! ‘irgil an’ Ro can’t see me!” He shouted, a little louder than he intended, and not even trying to pronounce Roman’s name. He pled with his eyes for Patton not to take him downstairs, or outside his room for that matter.
Patton blinked in surprise, not expecting Logan’s reaction in the slightest. “Why don’t you want them to see you Lo?” He asked, placing a hand on his back in an attempt to calm him down some. “Dey'll make fun-a me…” He whispered quietly, averting his gaze to his lap as he fiddled with his shirt. Patton’s eyebrows shot up. Logan scooted closer to the older trait, burying his face in Patton’s shirt, and gripping the soft cloth in his tiny hands to try and calm his growing fears. Patton wrapped his arms around him, pulling him a bit closer. “Why do you think they’ll make fun of you Logan?” He prodded softly, making sure not to force it out of the tiny side, he wanted Logan to know he could trust him. Logan didn’t respond for a moment. In his head, Logan had a good reason for believing that the other two sides would make fun of him. Okay, maybe Virgil wouldn’t, after all, he had been through regression more times than any of the other sides, however, he and the anxious trait didn’t often see eye to eye. They had gotten into arguments in the past, and with how heated they could get, it would make sense for him to make fun of him now that he was so… vulnerable. And Roman, dear god, Roman would most certainly make fun of him.
It was no secret that Logan and Roman never got along. Roman was nonsensical, irrational, and his obsession with following one’s dreams often defied all sense of logic. Roman never took the simple, clear-cut solutions to a problem, he chose the most over the time and senseless solutions. The two’s viewpoints clashed on almost every occasion, so much so that the two just straight up avoided each other sometimes. If Roman saw him in this state, heaven forbid, he would never hear the end of it. So no, under no circumstances did Logan want the other two sides to see him. “‘irgil an’ Ro dun' wike me…” Logan murmured, not looking up at Patton. He knew how the moral side would react. Shock, confusion, maybe disappointment. Logan didn’t want to see any of it. The older trait’s eyes widened, then softened sympathetically. Did Logan really think the Virgil and Roman didn’t like him? Yes the three of them butted heads, but that didn’t mean that the two didn’t like him. “Logan, that’s not true. Virgil and Roman both like you.” He reassured the little side, stroking along his back gently. Logan lifted his head again, his bleak expression giving away that he wasn’t convinced. “But… we fight…”
Patton pulled Logan from his chest and cupped his cheeks in his hands, keeping his head in place so he could look at him. “Yes, you do. But Logan, everyone fights, as much as I wish we could, we can’t be positive twenty-four-seven, that’s downright impossible. People are different, you, Virgil and Roman are all different. You’re not going to get along all the time. No one expects you to.” He explained, keeping his eyes locked with Logan’s to show that he was serious. “Now, do you want to go downstairs and watch Big Hero Six?” Logan stared up at Patton in disbelief. Never in his life did Logan think that Patton of all people would say something like that. As the words sunk in, Logan nodded his head slowly. Patton smiled warmly at the boy’s response, he leaned down and pressed a kiss to his forehead. “Well, let’s head on down then buddy.” Logan blinked, touching his hand to the spot Patton had kissed, a little electric feeling running through his arm. A gentle, warm feeling raised in his chest, accompanied by this craving to stay by Patton’s side and not let him leave.
Despite these urges to curl up in Patton’s arms and just bask in the warm and comforting feeling rippling across his body, he shoved and locked them away in the farthest part of his mind. ‘You are Logic.’ He reminded himself. ‘You do not engage with complicated emotions, nor do you indulge in childish behaviors such as attaching yourself to Patton. You are still an adult, you just have the body of a child. Stop giving in to these absurd impulses. Remember your purpose.’ Logan quickly scooted himself off of Patton’s lap and to his feet, taking a second to steady himself so he didn’t topple over. Patton stood soon after, smiling down at Logan. “Do you need me to carry you Lo, or can you walk?” His question prompted Logan to glare up at him, quite adorably, and cross his little arms. “I can wa’k, I dun' need to be cawwed Pat-in.” He asserted, using the calmest and serious tone his voice would allow, that being barely at all. He attempted to walk towards his door, but he didn’t get very far before he lost his balance and fell over.
Patton chuckled at the logical side’s attempt at walking, then he bent down and scooped him into his arms. “I think it’d be best for me to carry you for the time being, at least until you can walk on your own, sorry buddy.” Logan whined irritably, burying his face in Patton’s shoulder in utter embarrassment. “Dun’ pate-wen-eyes me.” He grumbled out, once again wincing at the way his mouth messed up his pronunciation. He knew full well that Patton enjoyed this. Patton simply giggled in reply, earning a sharp and slightly squeaky; “Not funny!” from Logan. The two exited the room and made their way downstairs. As they neared the bottom Logan pushed his head farther into Patton’s shoulder, intending to make himself as small as possible. Once they reached the bottom, Patton looked over at the couch and cleared his throat. Virgil, who was still laying on the couch, shifted his gaze from his phone to Patton. The moment he noticed the tiny Logan in his arms, his jaw dropped. Patton smiled nervously. “I found out why Logan was screaming.”
Logan didn’t dare look up, he didn’t want to see Virgil’s face. He knew he would make fun of him, he just knew it. Why wouldn’t he? Just get it over with so he could say “I told you so.” to Patton then lock himself in his room for the rest of the day! But nothing came. In fact, the room just fell silent for about a minute. That didn’t make him feel any better honestly, it just increased his fears. As the silence rained on, Patton gave Virgil a desperate ‘Please say something’ look, snapping the anxious trait from his confused trance. “I dunno what I was expecting, but this,” He gestured to Logan. “Was not it.” That… that didn’t sound like scorning or teasing… just confusion. Logan slowly lifted his head from Patton’s shoulder and finally looked at Virgil, uncertainty written on his face. Was he luring him into a false sense of security to make the blows worse? The two locked eyes for a moment. Logan immediately felt his face heat up, and he quickly averted his gaze, pressing his face back into Patton’s shoulder. He suddenly felt… exceeding shy. Odd.
Virgil noticed the action and raised an eyebrow. He looked up at Patton with a confused expression. Not wanting to alarm the smaller side, he mouthed the words; “Does he remember us?” and upon receiving a nod shot Logan a worried look. This was the logical side’s first time regressing, Virgil knew exactly how he felt right now. Confused, upset, frustrated… afraid. The screaming made sense now. It was a sign that Logan had hit his breaking point and was experiencing the pain before the regression. Never a pleasant feeling. Sympathy bubbled up inside of Virgil. His face softened, and he silently wracked his brain to come up with something to say in order to show him that he could trust him. “Hey, Logan?” He channeled the same demeanor he used when Roman and Patton regressed, his voice going soft, or as soft as his voice could be, and he sat up a little more. “You doing okay buddy?” He had to restrain his himself from saying ‘little buddy’ like he had called Patton and Roman in the past, not wanting to anger or irritate him.
Logan looked up again, face still flushed pink with embarrassment. He shook his head in response. No, he was not okay. He was the exact opposite of okay! Under what circumstances would him becoming a child be okay!? “S’post to be workin’” He mumbled, avoiding eye contact with the other side. God, he was acting pathetic. “We came down here to watch Big Hero Six.” Patton explained, then mouthing; “To get his mind off of working.” Virgil let out a small “Ah.”, then he returned his gaze to Logan, putting on a kind expression. “I don’t mind watching it with you Logan, we haven’t seen it in a while. Maybe it’ll calm you down a bit?” Logan bit his bottom lip, but nodded shyly. “See Lo, I told you he wouldn’t make fun of you.” Patton whispered to him, grinning like a dork. Logan simply glared at him in return, earning a chuckle from the moral side before he gently sat the boy on the couch next to Virgil so he could go put the movie in.
Logan squirmed nervously on the couch, keeping his gaze off of Virgil and instead locking onto Patton. Conflicted was all that could accurately describe what was transpiring inside Logan’s mind at that moment. Two voices, both his own, fought amongst themselves in his head. One voice, a smaller, more frightened sounding one kept urging him to go to Patton, to not let him leave his side. The other, sounding more like his regular self, would argue back, stating that he should stop acting so childish and unbecoming. ‘I need Patton, I feel safer around him.’ One would say. ‘Stop that. That right there, it’s getting you nowhere! You are logic, you do not behave like this. You are the brain, the logic, and the reason. Your purpose is to work persistently and keep everything in order, not to sit here and cling to Patton like a child would to their father.’ The other would assert sharply, not even trying to hide the venom in his voice. Yes, that was indeed him. Then the disagreement would continue.
‘But I can’t do anything while I’m like this! I can’t even walk right, there’s no way I can keep things in order!’ More subdued, smaller, uncharastically frightened and less thought out. Still his voice, but less of the way he articulated? Like hearing himself being portrayed by someone besides himself. ‘Stop being so pathetic! This is the exact kind of attitude that will lead to you failing your entire meaning for existing! If you keep this up you’re going to not only fail yourself, but Thomas and the other sides as well. Do you want that? Do you want them to be disappointed in you? You are logic, not some puny, weak minded, child. Act. Like. It.’ Why make him flinch? It was his own voice for sure, but why on earth was he startled by his own voice? Nonetheless, Logan shrank down in the couch, eyes still glued to Patton as he wordlessly begged for him to come back so he could just be near him. What was causing this… this sudden absolute need to be by Patton at all times?
This wasn’t like his average behavior at all, and yet it somehow felt like second-nature to him now. It didn’t help that he was so close to Virgil, who he all of a sudden felt extremely nervous being around. The anxious side looked down at Logan, taking immediate notice of the look in his eyes, and how he kept scooting away. “Are you okay Lo? Why are moving away from me?” Virgil thought for a second that he had done something wrong, what exactly that could’ve been was anyone's guess, but better be safe than sorry. Logan stared up at him, a tense expression on his face. “D-Dun wan you to make fun-a me…” He confessed, his voice almost inaudible, and he quickly shifted his gaze back to Patton. That look of want and quiet pleading returned to his eyes, as much as his mind pushed the thoughts and feelings way, they still bled into him slightly. Virgil was taken aback by Logan’s reasoning for distancing himself from the anxious side.
His face fell. Where did Logan get the idea that he would make fun of him? Was this based on something that happened between the two when the logical side was an adult? Yes, the two had their fights, and their disagreements, but they never hated each other. Virgil felt a little hurt at the boy’s assumption that he would make fun of him, because he would never do that, especially in this situation. He knew what it was like regressing for the first time or just regressing near the other sides. It was confusing, scary, and caused a lot of conflicting emotions, especially if you still had your memories of being an adult. Like hell would he ever tease someone while they were in such a vulnerable state! He wouldn’t want someone teasing him while he was feeling weak, so he didn’t make tease people when they felt weak. “Logan, I wouldn’t do that to you. You know that.” Virgil would’ve placed a hand on his shoulder, hugged him, something, but he was hesitant to do so.
If Logan was anything like him, then he might not want to be touched right now. The anxious side internally scolded himself for not being able to do anything more. Virgil wasn’t exactly the best with children. Not to say that he disliked them, but kids could be loud, and way too full of energy, and erm… brutally honest if they happen to be named Roman Sanders. Kids could just be overwhelming. Logan looked back at Virgil, and the look on his face broke the other side’s heart. He looked so sad and frightened. “B-But I’s mean to you…I’s not nice...” Was all he mumbled out. Fuck. That. Virgil was not going to sit there and just do nothing after Logan said that. He pulled the smaller side into his lap, pausing for a moment to see if he would try to struggle or get away, and when he didn’t, he wrapped his arms around him. Logan squeaked slightly when he was brought into Virgil’s lap, his face turning pink from embarrassment.
“Logan, Lo, don’t say that.” So gentle and kind, and not at all what he was expecting. Not at all what he deserved either if his thoughts were anything to go by. ‘Make him let you go. This is improper and childish Logic. You are not a child, you just have the body of one. Get. Up.’ Harsh, unkind, unemotional, it sounded so much like him. ‘But... he’s being nice to me. He’s not making fun of me or being mean.’ Quiet, frightened, tiny, so unlike himself, yet it felt as though that voice had been there since the beginning. ‘Stop, stop whining, stop being so… so illogical! This is not how you behave, this is not how Logic behaves! You are not a child, you are not an infant, you are logic! Take responsibility back and do as you are supposed to!’ Logan whimpered sharply, biting his lip to silence any sounds threatening to escape his mouth. He found himself inwardly listening to the harsher voice, pushing his emotions and urges away and locking them in his metaphorical box.
‘You are Logic.’ He reminded himself. ‘Logic does not feel, logic is not a feeling, it is a purpose. Your purpose is not to feel, it’s to think and keep everything in order. Remember that.’ However, his body and voice betrayed him and a small, scared; “M’ sowwy.” left his mouth. He hated how small and weak he sounded. Virgil shushed him immediately, worry crossing his face. “Hey, hey, hey, don’t apologize. You’ve got nothing to be sorry about.” Logan didn’t believe him, not at all. “I say’d mean tings to you!” He didn’t even attempt to hide the hurt in his voice because it was far too overwhelming. “I-I made you cwy…” There it was, the deep-rooted event, and the worst part was it was true. Logan had unintentionally made Virgil cry once. It was long before the anxious side had opened up to them, he, Virgil and Roman had managed to get into an argument over Thomas’ sleeping schedule… again, and this time it got more heated than the other times they had argued about this subject.
By that point, Logan was just too stressed, tired, and frustrated to think coherently about his choice of words, and ended up exclaiming; “Why don’t you just do us all a colossal favor Anxiety, and kindly go the fuck away!? Everything would be better without you here!” He only saw the look that crossed Virgil’s face for a brief moment before he darted off to his room. Logan regretted his words instantly. Virgil looked so dejected and hurt, but the part that caught Logan’s attention the most was that he didn’t even look shocked, almost like he expected the outburst. The logical side caught the disappointed and disapproving expression that Patton shot him before the parental side rushed off to console Anxiety. Even Roman looked shocked and a little disappointed, and he fought with Anxiety much more than Logan did. Needless to say, Logan had crossed the line, and he felt absolutely horrible about it. He wanted to go and try to make amends, but he was afraid he that attempting to communicate with him while he was still distressed and hurt would only result in him lashing out or becoming livid.
It took the logical side three days to finally get the courage to apologize, mostly due to his own issues with thinking of what exactly he should say and how to come across that he was truly sorry. Even after he had apologized, Logan could feel tension between him and Virgil, and he worked as hard as he could to gain the other’s trust, what little he had, back. In hindsight, it was just a small event, a hurtful one, but a small one nonetheless. However, it stayed rooted in his mind as one of, on a list of many, reasons he locked his emotions away. He kept this event in the back of his mind to remind himself of what emotions could do to you if you didn’t keep them in check. Back in the present, Virgil sighed, running a hand through Logan’s hair. “Logan, I forgave you for that, remember?” Logan didn’t respond, nor did he look at Virgil, he just hung his head. It didn’t matter that he forgave him, it still happened. The anxious side’s frown grew at Logan’s lack of a reply.
“Logan, buddy, that happened forever ago, I’m over the whole thing. You don’t need to stress over it.” He moved his hand away from Logan’s hair to his chin, and he gently lifted his face. Oh god, it hurt him so much to look at him right now. He looked so broken. Gently, he used his thumbs to wipe away Logan’s tears. Strange, when did he start crying? “I know from experience that obsessing over things you did in the past will only make you fall into bad habits. The last thing I wanna see, is you dealing with the same habits I’m still trying to get out of.” He brushed his bangs behind one of his ears. “You’ve got nothing to be sorry about, I’m not mad at you, and I’m not going to make fun of you. I... care about you buddy.” Logan stared at Virgil for a good minute, then he buried his face in his shirt, gripped at his hoodie and let out a muffled; “Tank you ‘irgil.” The side in question sighed softly in relief and stroked the back of Logan’s head. Crisis averted.
Patton smiled to himself as he placed the DVD into the VCR, and grabbed the remote from off the TV stand. Under any other circumstances he would have stepped in and helped the other two sides, but he had glanced over his shoulder just as Virgil pulled Logan into his lap, so he thought he had everything under control. He tuned in to the whole conversation as it transpired, and felt his chest grow warm with pride. Virgil had grown so much since they had accepted him into their group, he didn’t hide away as much, he talked more, and he was learning to come them if he needed help or comfort. The fact that he stepped up to comfort Logan was just so heart-warming, and sweet, and gosh darn it Patton just wanted to go over there and hug both of them! But he kept his urges under control so that the little scene could play out, he didn’t want to interrupt the moment. At the same time though, he felt a little bit of worry and concern bubble up inside of him.
Did Logan really think he was mean? He was insensitive sometimes, yeah, but he normally knew his boundaries and rarely overstepped them, and if he did, he would apologize. Patton filed that away in his mind for later. He finally stood from the ground and made his way over to the couch. He announced his arrival with an enthusiastic little clap. “Alrighty! I just put the movie in, you two want any snacks? There are still cookies on the table!” He gestured to the table before plopping down next to the two. “Nah, I’m full.” Was Virgil’s reply, then he glanced down at Logan. “You want one Lo?” Logan looked over at the cookies, then back to Virgil. He nodded his head shyly. “Uh-huh.” Patton leaned over, and grabbed two cookies from the table, he handed one to Logan. “Tank you…” Patton smiled down at Logan. “No problem! You wanna sit with me, buddy?” He asked. Logan frowned, shifting his gaze to Virgil, who smiled at him too, the back to Patton. “C-Can I stay wif ‘irgil?” He asked hesitantly.
“If you want to buddy, I don’t mind. Do you Verge?” Virgil shrugged, a look of indifference on his face. “I don’t mind either, as long as you feel comfortable Lo.” A tiny smile tugged at the corner of Logan’s mouth as he felt that warm feeling spread across his body again. He turned to face the TV as Patton pressed when the movie menu popped up. He took a bit of the cookie and humming quietly at the sweet taste. The logical side loved Patton’s cookies, even though he had rarely told him, they were just so sweet, soft and warm. Logan glanced at Patton and Virgil out of the corner of his eye. Neither looked upset or cross about the situation, and it didn’t feel like they were doing this just to be kind. They seemed… content. He smiled, he smiled and leaned against Virgil as the movie played. Maybe this wasn’t so bad… maybe everything would be okay?