Chapter Text
Knowledge is like food, and your mind becomes overwhelmed just as easily as your stomach threatens to burst on over-consumption. On most days, Ritsu would diligently copy just enough pages to be able to afford his groceries before packing up and hurrying home to his brother. Today was different: the library got a new order of books in, and while Ritsu and the other scribes were tasked with copying the pages and returning the copies brought to them, the owner of the library gave Ritsu permission to instead dig through the new pages with vigor.
If only it had been for pleasure.
By the time he was done with the first read-through of all the books, Ritsu's head was swimming. Information about human anatomy, new medical theories, historical accounts of neighboring countries, romantic fables, exotic recipes, theological papers and debates - everything under the sun except the only thing Ritsu actually wanted to learn. The book on spells, the occult and curses raised his hopes, but dashed them by the time he closed the cover after the third thorough reading. It didn't know what was wrong with Kageyama Shigeo… after six years of searching, it seemed like not a single tome in the kingdom did. Ritsu thought that, after reading hundreds of books just like this, the pit of disappointment burning deep in his belly wouldn't hurt so much. In reality, the way that his optimism faded with each and every month made his heart feel heavier and heavier. Maybe soon he too wouldn't be able to freely walk around, too exhausted from being heartbroken.
"Ritsu?" his boss asked, touching his shoulder. Ritsu jumped, looking up at her in surprise before looking down. The librarian was an old friend of his older brother's, though Emi was a girl with a big heart. She seemed to sympathize deeply with Shigeo's little brother as well, doubly so as his employer. "No luck, it seems… I'm sorry. I tried to get as much as I could about the occult this time, too," she apologized, reaching around him and shutting the book for him. It was a kind gesture, even if it was a bit stern. She was right, he had to go home. He shook his head at her apology.
"Thank you for looking out for us, Emi," he replied politely, even if he felt a bit terse. Emi reached over and snuffed the candles that Ritsu had been using to read. "Sorry to keep you late. I'll be going home," he added before she could scold him, even if she was always very gentle about that.
"I brought a cut of bacon from the butcher's on discount, take it home for your breakfast. I can't pay you for today but I can at least do that," she offered. Ritsu nodded in agreement, too tired and defeated to turn down a gift. "And take this to Shigeo… I know he's spending more time inside, so maybe he'll enjoy reading this," she added, passing a small novel to Ritsu. It looked to be an adventure story, glimpsing at the title and cover.
"He'll like it, thank you," Ritsu agreed, taking the book and the parchment-wrapped bacon with him as he left the library. His eyes were tired, and the gifts weighed far too heavily… even though they were a kindness, gestures like these always reminded Ritsu of a mourner placing flowers on a grave.
Early autumn is one of Shigeo's favorite seasons. Even with the chill of winter creeping closer, the sun still warmed the skin and plants still stood tall and healthy. Summer and spring were best for his health, but they were far too rainy or hot to be outside all day. Around his home, flowers rarely bloomed in their proper season, so it was a real treat to see some snowdrops take root. "A little early," he said softly to them, gently touching the bud with a finger. It quivered in response, growing a few centimeters larger and unfurling its petals. Fatigue washed over Shigeo, as did a fond smile.
After pulling the weeds and grinding them for mulch, he pat the dirt off of his gloves and took them off, heading inside to clean up. He hung the gloves and his smock at the door and went to the sink, pumping water into it to wash his hands and upper arms. A cheerful chirrup accompanied the sound of the cat hopping onto the counter, before earning a flick of water in her direction to get her to jump back down. "Down, Milk," he scolded, even if he could never say it with the sternness that Ritsu managed. Fluffing up indignantly, the little black cat rubbed at Shigeo's legs, chirruping and meowing for dinner. As he looked down at the black barn cat, eagerly begging and rubbing her hair all over his pants, he gave her a small laugh. "Dinner time, huh…? I guess it is around that time," he muttered softly, looking at the setting sun painting the sky in oranges and reds to match the roses that dominated his garden. Ritsu must be coming home late tonight.
Nonetheless, Shigeo dutifully fed the cat and made dinner, stewing the beef with vegetables from the yard. Ritsu always hated eating the plants that grew thanks to the effects of his curse, but after giving a little of the energy to the snowdrops, Shigeo needed the perk-up. He stoked the fire, stirred the mix in the pot, and let it simmer slowly as he pulled a chair closer and sunk into it tiredly. At least with a slow cooking meal like this, it wouldn't hurt if he fell asleep before his brother returned from work. From his chair he watched the sunset, enjoying the cool breeze through the window and the crackling fire, soothed by the smell of flowers and the hearty stew. He nearly didn't notice when he saw two mice scramble up onto the windowsill, sniffing about curiously - the two critters, one with black fur and the other a tawny color, were nearly off the windowsill and to the floor before their presence actually registered in Shigeo's mind.
"Oh... " he murmured out loud, getting up from the chair. His head spun a little before he stabilized, and he tried to carefully approach the mice as they scurried towards the kitchen where Milk was eating. "No, no, the cat's in there," he pleaded, even though they might not've understood - no, certainly not, because they ran into the kitchen with reckless abandon. Hurrying around the corner, he watched the mice start rummaging around, ignoring the cat entirely. "Milk," he whispered in a beckoning voice, getting the cat's attention. She looked up from her bowl and licked her chops, looking at the mice with disinterest before strutting to Shigeo's feet and rubbing against him. He smiled in relief, giving her a couple of fond strokes down her back before going to the cabinet to make sure the grains were secure. The mice had crawled onto the counter to presumably look for scraps, but there were none to be found since the Kageyama brothers kept their home clean. He should probably just toss the critters outside, but Shigeo couldn't find it in his heart to do that… instead, he found some of their baked almonds and retrieved them, holding a palm filled with them out to the mice.
"Let's take you back outside," he said gently to them. The black one seemed hesitant but the tawny one easily trusted him, crawling into his palm and nibbling on an almond. After a few moments, the black one seemed to tolerate Shigeo picking him up, and the both seemed content enough as they were taken back to the garden. He found a soft patch of moss and set the two down, petting the tawny one before piling the almonds on the moss bed for them.
The door latch on the other side of the house made Shigeo jolt out of his trance, and he stood up on shaky feet as quickly as possible. He walked to the back door, meeting Ritsu who looked a bit agitated. "Welcome home, Ritsu," he interjected before his brother could fret too hard, earning a harried sigh from him.
"Brother. You're still up at this hour?" he asked, taking Shigeo's hand and leading him inside. Shigeo just smiled reassuringly, following where he was led.
"I made dinner… did you eat, Ritsu?" he asked, knowing very well the answer was no. "It's probably done by now."
"That means you haven't eaten," his brother argued, retrieving bowls from the cupboard. Shigeo knew better than to dig heels in, since his brother was just worried… and from the way the bowls and spoons clattered on the counter, it seemed like yet another import of books didn't reveal anything. Shigeo just patiently sat at the table, letting himself rest and letting Ritsu feel better by fretting over him. The stew soon was placed in front of him, and he stirred it gently to cool it enough to eat, staring somewhat absently at the way the potatoes and carrots bobbed in the stock. A comfortable silence fell over them for a while as they ate, Shigeo finishing his stew by the time that Ritsu spoke up again. "I'm sorry, brother, I thought for sure this time--"
"It's alright, Ritsu," he interrupted. He didn't want Ritsu to stress like this… it used to warm his heart and give him hope, but now it was just sad to see his little brother struggling so badly. "There's no hurry."
"There is a hurry," his brother argued, pain etched over his face, "You're getting worse and worse every year. It's not fair ."
"It isn't," Shigeo agreed quietly, and Ritsu stopped shouting, staring into his bowl. The older brother wasn't sure what to say, so he stood up, taking his bowl to the sink to wash it.
"Let me, brother," Ritsu pleaded, getting up to follow him into the kitchen. It was pretty clear by his tone that he wanted to do something to feel useful, or keep his mind off of things, or something like that… Shigeo looked at the bowl in Ritsu's hands, before nodding.
"Alright. But finish your dinner first, and I'll go to bed."
The moon was bright, that night. Ritsu struggled to sleep, drifting in and out - he wasn't sure if Shigeo waking up to stare outside was a dream or not. He closed his eyes, and opened them again, and the hazy image of his brother sitting on the windowsill filled his bleary vision. He closed his eyes before he could think to do anything about it, and opened them again, feeling the breeze of the autumn air and the crunch of leaves beneath his feet. Somehow, it didn't hurt, or feel cold… they just seemed to float along even as they crunched audibly along the forest floor, younger brother diligently following the older. He closed his eyes, then his brother was too far ahead of him, walking on soft green grass.
"Wait--" Ritsu called, trying to run to catch up. He moved no faster, even as he reached, feeling himself floating and fading as he could only spectate… his brother's form had abruptly changed, at some point that Ritsu couldn't quite remember, as if he'd always been ten years old again.
He was dreaming.
He hated this dream.
Shigeo, his tiny older brother, was hunched over the body of a beautiful white stag. He was hugging around its neck, crying more than Ritsu had ever seen him cry before… or since. A shadow of a man loomed behind his brother, and whispered… Ritsu could not hear it, but he knew the words anyway.
Do you want it to live?
"Yes."
No, brother...
What will you give?
"Anything."
It's just an animal. You're being tricked!
What a generous child you are.
Abruptly, Ritsu gasped and opened his eyes, staring at his ceiling. Sweat was pouring down his face and neck, and his heart was racing, dream fading from memory even if the rush of terror and grief it evoked didn't. He sat up in bed and grabbed his handkerchief from his bedside table, drying his face with his shaky hands. It was too late to undo the past. He just had to focus on finding the cure. After that, they could finally have their happily ever after.