Chapter Text
Prologue
Howard
There had been a night before he married Maria but not before they were engaged, where he had made the biggest mistake of his life. He and Maria had been fighting again. He couldn’t remember what about – likely the tablecloths or something his mother had said to her, but it was irrelevant now.
He had stormed out, found himself in a bar and proceeded to try to get as drunk as possible. He remembered a young woman – she was a student at NYU, half Italian and was wearing a tight red dress and he had allowed her to lead him back to her apartment.
He woke early the next morning, realised what he had done and left without waking the girl up, hoping he would never see her again.
He never told Maria what he had done, telling her he had spent the night in a hotel to think and that he was sorry for fighting with her. He had given her a bouquet of red roses and a gorgeous diamond necklace and had hoped that would be the end of the matter.
Unfortunately, it hadn’t been as he learnt 3 months later when the girl from that night (her name was Liliana Jacobs as he would come to learn) had shown up at his office claiming that she was pregnant with his child. He had demanded a paternity test before the baby was born and when it came out positive he insisted that he wanted nothing to do with the child and that he would pay child support once a month.
And when, 6 months later, on May 29th, 1992, Liliana Jacobs gave birth to a son, named him Anthony Edward Stark (she had wanted to give him a piece of his father), Howard Stark was in a casino in Vegas preparing for his upcoming wedding by drinking as many bottles of vodka as was physically possible, the tone of the relationship between father and son was set.
Chapter 1
Tony
Constant noise, people bustling past and the smell of cheap coffee. Just another day at Queen’s Park Hospital. Tony was now on the seventh hour of a twelve-hour emergency shift and he was feeling every single one. He leaned against the wall outside of his office and closed his eyes hoping for a five-minute break.
‘Tony, you can’t actually fall asleep on the job when you need to be in operating room 4 in 10 minutes. Unfortunately, it’s regarded as a little unprofessional, especially when you’re the one doing the surgery.’
Tony groaned. Pepper Potts. His wonderful PA / best friend who organised his life for him but also kept him on track. She knew everything there was to know about him. He replied without opening his eyes.
‘Yeah, thanks but I wasn’t falling asleep and even if I was, I’m allowed to be as unprofessional as I want. I’m the best fucking surgeon in New York, those guys need me. And they’re stretching me thin enough as it is, they don’t want to give me any more reason to leave. I could walk around this place naked and they would probably turn a blind eye.”
‘And you’re so modest too, it’s a wonder you haven’t been snatched up by somewhere else, huh?’
At this Tony cracked open an eye and shot Pepper a grin.
‘I’m so tired Pep ugh’
‘I know but after this, you can go home and sleep for three days because you haven’t got any more surgeries booked until Tuesday.’
‘Thank god’
Three hours later, walking out of the operating room after a successful surgery, he was ready to go home. He headed into the break room to grab some coffee but as he walked in, there was something different. There was the usual buzz of gossip floating around but as he looked around, he noticed at least 20 people – nurses and doctors, crowded around the TV.
He walks over and before he can ask what’s going on, Pepper pulled him aside and whispered urgently ‘Tony, Peter Stark was spotted outside a cancer clinic today. Apparently, it’s quite serious; people are saying they saw Howa-his father with him.’ And just like that his whole world came crashing down around him.
He felt his lungs begin to tighten up and he could feel himself beginning to panic. Deep breaths. In, out, in out.
Pepper waited a few minutes, holding his hand before saying ‘I’ve made you an appointment with your therapist in a half hour, Just go and I’ll cover you.’ He shot her a tight smile and then bolted.
Pepper really was the love of his life, Tony thought as he walked into his session with Dr Ho Yinsen, who was the same therapist Tony had had since he was 15.
He had known since he was 12 who his sperm donor had been and since then had hated any mention of the Stark family. When he was 15, the pressures of being a child-genius with no outlet, the money problems at home while his mom was back at school and his loneliness because of his struggle to make friends at the private school he went to where he could relate to nobody came to a head.
He had gotten into a bad crowd – underage drinking, taking drugs and having sex with anyone who would have him – no matter the gender, no matter the age. When he was 16, he had accidentally overdosed, ending up in a ward for two months. He had watched his mother blame herself and decided that he needed to change.
He had gone sober, entirely cold turkey and started therapy sessions with Dr Ho Yinsen.
‘Tell me, Tony, why are you here?’
‘You know why I’m here; I want to get better, for my mom.’
Yinsen sighed and looked toward the window, where Tony had been staring the whole conversation.
‘Tony, the drugs, the drinking, the sex, it was never the real problem – was it? I need you to tell me why you ever felt the need to turn to those. Otherwise, we’re not going to get anywhere, are we?’
Tony turned to stare at him.
‘How’d you know all that?’
Yinsen laughed and waved a hand around the office.
‘It’s my job, isn’t it?’
Tony gave a tentative smile before it fell and he looked away again. He took a deep breath.
‘My da- biological father has a kid. The guy never even wanted anything to do with me and but he has a kid. A real one, one he loves and takes care of. I just – needed a way to forget it. To forget everything.’
‘Tony, your mind is worth so much more than this. You could be anything you wanted; this doesn’t have to hold you back.’
Tony was quiet for a long moment, before whispering ‘I want to help people.’
‘Then that’s what you’ll do.’
Tony’s head snapped up.
‘Just like that?’ doubt clouded his words.
Yinsen smiled, ‘Just like that.’
When he had first begun therapy with he hadn’t expected it to work as much as it did. Yinsen supported Tony on his decision to skip grades and focus on his dream to be a doctor and gave him advice on how to make friends – real friends.
Now, ten years on, Tony needed Yinsen less and less but he had been helpful when Tony was the youngest person at the university and had encouraged Tony to become closer to James Rhodes and Pepper Potts and Tony owed him a lot. Yinsen was one of four people who knew the identity of his father and so Tony felt comfortable opening up to him.
‘Ah Tony, I was wondering when I would see you after that news article today. Come on in, have a seat.’ Tony let a grin spread across his face for the first time since hearing the news.
‘Hey Doc, how’re you doing?’
‘I’m fine Tony; my daughter had her son last week so I’m a grandfather now. But that’s not what you’re here to talk about, is it?’
‘No.’ He sat down, in a plush red armchair, as Yinsen gestured for him to continue.
‘I guess I feel really shitty but that’s how I always feel when someone mentions them and it just brings back memories you know. Of like, all the birthdays I sat waiting by the door for my dad to come or all those father’s days where I was alone. Or my fucking med-school graduation where I even sent him an invite and he didn’t even reply.’
Yinsen gave him a knowing look.
‘Have you spoken to your mother since you heard that your younger half-brother could have cancer?’
Tony looked up guiltily, ‘No’ he said, ‘but she’s probably busy with the baby and I don’t want to worry her over this stupid stuff.’
Yinsen softened his gaze, ‘Tony, your mother loves you more than anything on this planet. Just because she married Paul, who you like, and had a baby – your little sister Rosie, whom you adore, doesn’t mean she doesn’t want to hear your problems. I’m sure that in her eyes you’re still her baby too.’
Tony grinned, ‘Thanks Doc, you always know what to say.’
Yinsen smiled at Tony in return. ‘Well Tony, it is my job.’
As Tony drove home he called his mom, telling her about the news article and his session with Dr Yinsen.
He felt himself relax, a weight he hadn’t even realised slipping off of his shoulders as she told him off forever believing that she wouldn’t care about his problems and told him he had to come over the next night for a family dinner. She also told him not to worry about Howard Stark and that he had made his choice a long time ago and it was only his loss not to have Tony in his life. Tony had laughed and agreed to dinner and hung up after saying goodbye, feeling a lot better than a few hours before.
He was just about ready to collapse the second he arrived home, entirely exhausted but emotionally content, ready to sleep for the next three days.
It had been a busier week than most for Tony, with a surgery on each day and then a 6-hour haul spent being on- call with the ER. As a surgeon, he had to do emergency surgeries which some days meant sitting around for hours playing on his phone and others where he didn’t get to go home because they were so busy. It meant that his private life had suffered because at age 25, having raced through high school and college, gaining a degree in medicine, becoming a surgeon and now that he was working in a hospital and learning to specialize in cardiovascular surgery, he didn’t have a bunch of time for fun.
He was pretty sure the last time he had spoken to anyone outside of the hospital, his extremely small circle of friends, Yinsen or his mom was weeks ago. The last time he’d had sex was with somebody he’d picked up at a bar around the same time – he had no time for a relationship.
Still, he supposed as he was opening up the door to his apartment, it could’ve been worse. He could be 25 and be making no money. At least being a doctor paid the bills and left more than enough in his savings.
As he had been thinking he had been moving on autopilot around his home, a decent sized apartment in lower Manhattan with a great view of the New York skyline, and he was just about ready to flop into bed and never wake up again when someone knocked on the door. Three times. And then stopped just as suddenly as they had begun.
He had just resolved to ignore it but the knocks continued to start and stop – almost as if the person at the door was hesitating?
Tony rolled his brown eyes and lifted himself off the bed, heading towards the door. He assumed it was just Pep telling him he forgot something but didn’t she have a key? Maybe it was Clint or Natasha wanting to hang out or could it be Rhodey back on leave? Whoever it was they better have brought food or coffee because now that Tony thinks about it, he is starving.
Finally, he reaches the door. As he opens it he comes face to face with one of the most gorgeous men he has ever seen, and the one man he never wanted to meet.