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There is a knock on Cas‘ room door, but he doesn‘t bother to answer it. It will just be Sam or Gabe who want to convince him to go out or to stand up. And if Cas is honest with himself he understands that they‘re worried and want him to be happy, but still Cas cannot find it in him to not be annoyed by it.
He hopes that if he ignores the person behind the door, who just wants to convince him to do things he really doesn‘t want to, will leave him, just like… just like…
A new wave of sadness overcomes him and he grabs a pillow to hide his head underneath it. Maybe the wave wouldn‘t see him now that he is save under this cotten cloud of old tears and the smell of a home that isn‘t his home anymore.
But the person doesn‘t leave him.
„Cas? Can I come in?“
Castiel groans into his mattress. He doesn‘t want to see anybody, especially not Sam. He reminds him too much of the person, who he is trying to forget.
„Go-“
„Please.“
Castiel sighs. Sam is trying his best. He shouldn‘t be so mean to his friend, his brother.
„Door is open.“ Cas sighs, but he doesn‘t bother to stand up.
Sam opens the door and just stands there.
What did Sam expect? Cas wonders. It isn‘t the first time he sees me like this.
Minutes pass, but Sam doesn‘t say anything. He just stands there. And Castiel is just lying there. The silence is heavy on his back and he decides he cannot stand it anymore.
„What is it, Sam?“
Silence.
Cas is now sitting upright, but he doesn‘t face the door. Unable to face Sam without breaking down.
„Listen, if you‘re only here to stare at me then take a picture and go. I want to be alone. Please, just leave.“
But Sam doesn‘t leave. And Castiel gets angry.
„What is it with you today?! Can‘t you-“ As Cas turns around he understands why Sam didn‘t say anything.
„Cas.“
One word. Three letters. One person with the greenest eyes he has ever seen. That is all it took to let Cas‘ anger disappear. To let him breath again.
„W-what are you doing here?“
„Sammy called me. Told me it is just a big misunderstanding and that I should give us a chance to talk about it.“
Misunderstanding? Cas blinks. What is there to misunderstand?
„I‘m sorry it took me so long, but after our break up… I just needed to be alone. I heard Sam‘s messages only a couple of days ago.“
„Misunderstanding? What do you mean by misunderstanding? I think you made it pretty clear that you don‘t want to be with me anymore.“ Cas‘ voice breaks.
„What?“ Deans eyes widen. „Cas I would never not want you.“ He takes a step forward.
„You have a pretty funny way of showing that.“ Cas shoots back and hugs himself. Searching for comfort in a situation which brings him pain.
Dean winces. „Cas, please. Just...Just give me 5 minutes and let me explain myself.“ Dean literally begs.
Castiel looks at him and knows his answer.
„Okay.“
„Okay.“ Dean breathes and runs a hand through his hair. „Okay.“
„As you started to talk about the future and that you wanted to have a family and a happily ever after, I… I got scared.“
„Scared of what?“ Cas asks before he can stop himself.
„Scared that you wouldn‘t want it with me. Scared that I wasn‘t enough. Scared that you were unhappy with,“ Dean gestures around himself, „all of this.“ He takes a deep breath. „The night I left you… I thought that you left me. You spoke about this house a mile from here and that you want to buy it and… and I-I...“ Dean is crying now and cannot continue anymore.
But he don‘t has to because Castiel understands. He understands everything now.
„You thought I would move out without you.“ Dean nodds and wipes a tear from his cheek.
„I couldn‘t stand in your way of happiness and so I left. The thought of leaving you hurt me but standing in your way of happiness? That devastated me.“
„I… I thought you don‘t want to have a future with me. That that is the reason why you never seemed to be happy when I talked about it,“
„Don‘t want-“ Dean takes Castiel‘s hands in his. „Cas, I want everything with you. I thought you didn‘t.“
„Obviously, that isn‘t true.“ Cas whispers.
„Obviously.“ Dean whispers back. „Can… Can I hug you?“
Cas noods and wraps his arms around Dean.
„God, I missed you.“ Dean breaths and kisses Cas‘ head.
„Missed you, too. So much.“