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It was no secret to anyone that Patton had had the biggest crush on Logan since their freshman year and he was introduced to Logan (lovely Logan with the glasses and the neatly pressed button up and the tie and the perfect hair and the perfect everything ) by his roommate, and now best friend, Virgil. Well, of course it was a secret to Logan, but that was merely protocol. Patton couldn’t just go up and tell Logan—the man he has been in love with for two years—that he has been in love with him for two years. As Logan would say, that would be “nonsensical”.
And Patton really liked to listen to Logan. Logan always had something amazing to say and always sounded so intelligent and Patton could just listen to Logan talk for hours and-
“Patton, you there?” Virgil’s voice right next to him, barely heard over the thumping music of the party, snapped Patton out of his daydream and back into reality.
The reality where, instead of being with Logan, he was watching Logan from across the party at Roman’s apartment. Spare kitchen chairs had been dispersed around Roman’s living room and, at some point, Virgil and Patton had taken two and shoved them together so that they could talk on the outskirts without being too interrupted.
“Oh, sorry, V!” Patton let out a laugh. “I got distracted.”
Virgil smirked and arched an eyebrow. “I can see that,” he said. He then nodded to someone across the room and Patton whipped his head in that direction. His whole body ended up moving with him, causing him to almost spill the drink in his hand had Virgil not caught his wrist. “I believe you were just telling me about Logan’s hair?”
Patton gasped. “Yes!” He exclaimed, spinning back to face Virgil, this time actually sloshing some of his drink onto his hand. “It’s so perfect! And always styled so neat and so nice and it’s so cute when he runs his hand through it and-”
“And it looks so soft and it shimmers in the light and every other grossly poetic thing you could think to mention,” Virgil teased. He knocked their shoulders together and, out of habit, Patton rested his head on Virgil’s shoulder.
“I could tell you about his ties,” Patton said, looking up to Virgil. Virgil hummed with a smirk on his face. “He always looks so put together! And I am convinced he has holiday ties, like, doesn’t he seem like the type of person to have, say, a Christmas tie? I think he does and I think he would-”
“Patton, I hope you’re not stealing my boyfriend!” Suddenly, from what Patton could only believe was out of nowhere, Roman practically fell on to Virgil’s lap and Virgil immediately wrapped an arm around his boyfriend’s waist.
Patton laughed and picked his head up, adamantly shaking his head, as Virgil scoffed and said, “Come on, Ro, everyone knows that Patton has been holding out for Logan. Well, everyone except Logan.”
“Yeah because he’s a blind idiot.” Roman huffed and flicked his hair out of his eyes.
Patton pouted. “No, be nice to him!”
“That’s why I think you should tell him!” Roman continued, “You can get your feelings off your chest and then you two can live happily ever after and it’ll be perfect!”
“Yes!” Patton gasped the same time Virgil snapped, “ No. ”
“You-” Virgil jutted a finger at Roman “-are too drunk to be giving advice, and you-” he then pointed to Patton “-are too drunk to be taking his advice.”
“I’m not-” Patton then stopped himself because to finish that statement with ‘drunk’ would be a lie. “Okay, maybe I’m a little drunk, but that doesn’t mean that Roman’s wro-... okay, maybe Roman is a little wrong.”
Roman let out an offended noise and Virgil pressed a kiss to the back of his neck. “Calm down,” he murmured before facing Patton again. “And yes, tonight should definitely not be the night you confess your sappy feelings to Logan. You should do that when you’ll remember it tomorrow and probably not regret it.”
Patton nodded and smiled. “Thank you, Virge,” he said. “You’re honestly so smart and-”
“I’m stopping you right now, Pat.” The blush on his cheeks did not go unnoticed. Patton smiled and finished the rest of his drink.
At one point, Roman left Virgil’s lap and, at another, Virgil shoved a water bottle into Patton’s hands and now Patton was back with his head resting on Virgil’s shoulder.
“I feel bad,” Patton said, playing with the label on the water bottle. “I feel like you should be enjoying the party.”
“Hey, someone has to make sure that you don’t do anything stupid and then, when you leave, I have to do the same for Roman.” When Patton pouted up at him, Virgil sighed and continued, “And I am enjoying the party. There is no one I would rather be sitting on uncomfortable dining chairs with.”
Patton giggled. “Oh, Virge, you’re so sweet!”
Virgil laughed. “Yeah, yeah, tell me that tomorrow.” Before Patton could chime in with an “I will!” , Virgil nodded to someone approaching them and Patton’s heart leapt to his throat when he saw it was Logan. “Speaking of, make sure that you text me tomorrow to let me know that you’re, like, coherent.”
And that was when Patton was suddenly reminded of the fact that not only was Logan his designated driver but, because Patton had previously insisted on Logan not driving across town in the middle of the night to get to his own apartment, Logan was also spending the night at Patton’s.
Perfect! Amazing! Great! Patton was unsure himself as to whether or not he was being sarcastic or genuinely happy, so he decided upon both.
“Are you ready to leave, Patton?” Logan asked, arching an eyebrow with a small smile. The party around them had dwindled down, leaving only a few remaining attendees along with Roman and Virgil.
Patton nodded quickly, unable to stop a grin from spreading across his face. “Yeah! Let’s go!” Without much thinking—or any thinking, really—Patton shot up from his chair. Not taking his drunken state into mind, the only thing that stopped him from collapsing rather ungracefully back into the chair was Logan securing his grip on Patton’s arm.
“Oh my God , Pat,” Virgil groaned from where he was sitting and Patton giggled.
“Are you feeling okay?” Logan asked and Patton’s grin softened at the concern in his voice.
“I’m feeling great,” Patton assured, practically leaning his entire body onto Logan.
Virgil huffed out a breath and shook his head. “Just make sure he gets home alright, Lo.”
“I was already planning on it,” Logan said and, before Patton could process what was happening, Logan wrapped his arm around Patton’s waist and might as well have started carrying Patton.
Patton felt his face flush hotly from something besides just the alcohol.
Naturally, Patton wrapped an arm around Logan’s shoulder. Still, though, as Logan helped guide him out of the apartment, he said, “You know, I think I’m good to walk, Lo!”
“I’m sure you are, Patton.”
“I just don’t want you straining yourself!”
Logan chuckled. “Trust me,” he said. “This is no issue at all.”
Patton nodded. “Okay, okay,” he said. “Just be careful, okay?”
“Always am.” Logan then smiled and Patton’s heart beat faster, slamming against his rib cage.
When they reached the stairs of the apartment complex, Logan ended up actually carrying Patton.
“You’re so strong, Logan,” Patton said, leaning his head on Logan’s shoulder.
Logan hummed. “Am I, now?”
“Yes!” Patton exclaimed. “You’re so incredibly strong! Like, before Virge and Roman were a thing, Virgil was always like, ‘oh my God, look at Roman,’ but I was always like, ‘but what about Logan?’”
Logan laughed and Patton beamed. “I’ll be sure to tell Roman that you said that. I’m sure it’ll do great in taming his ego.”
“Be nice to Roman!” Patton chided, lightly hitting Logan’s shoulder. “And I’m telling the truth!”
Logan walked them out of the complex and single-handedly fumbled for his keys from his back pocket. “I’m sure you are,” Logan repeated in a tone that made Patton pout because he so obviously didn’t believe Patton. When he finally found them, he clicking the unlock button until the headlights from his car flickered from being unlocked.
“I am!” Patton defended as Logan started walking towards his car. “You’re so strong and smart and great and intelligent and-”
“You already said that I’m smart,” Logan noted, a hint of teasing in his voice.
“Well, yeah, because I need to make sure that you know that!” Logan set Patton back on the ground as he opened the passenger side door. He helped ease Patton into it and, before Logan could shut the door, Patton grabbed his hand.
Damn what Virgil said (Patton sent a silent apology to Virgil for thinking that), Patton had enough love for Logan in his heart for the entire world and he needed Logan to know that.
Logan raised his eyebrows at his hand being grabbed and Patton looked up to him. “I just don’t understand how there are people who might not love you.”
Logan scoffed. “You’re drunk.”
“People who don’t love you like I do.”
Something passed over Logan’s face, something that Patton couldn’t read in the darkness (or maybe because of his state, but Patton decided to blame the darkness). “You tell everyone you love them when you’re drunk.”
“But I do!” Patton tried again and tightened his grip on Logan’s hand. “Love you!”
Logan pulled his hand away from Patton’s. “If that’s truly the case,” he said. Patton hoped that he was making up how clipped his words sounded. “Then tell me tomorrow when you’re sober and thinking straight.”
“I never do anything straight,” Patton laughed, though it quickly died down and turned into a pout when Logan didn’t laugh and, instead, shut the passenger side door.
Patton huffed out a breath and leaned back in the seat.
When Logan got into the driver’s seat and started the car, Patton lolled his head over to look at him. “I’ll tell you,” he said. “Tomorrow. That I mean it.”
Logan sighed. “Put your seatbelt on, Patton.”
Patton worried his bottom lip and fumbled to secure his seatbelt, his hands fumbling with the clip until the third time.
The drive back to Patton’s apartment was quiet, much to Patton’s distaste, and after spending the first five minutes waiting for Logan to say something, anything , he decided upon staring out the window at the passing streetlights.
Okay, maybe Patton should’ve listened to Virgil.
But love wasn’t supposed to be about common sense! It was supposed to be about confessing your feelings from the bottom of your heart and being swept off your feet! If Patton had feelings, feelings that had been bubbling over for years, he’d have to tell someone about them eventually, and that someone had to be Logan!
Just… he didn’t plan on Logan—smart, calculating, methodical Logan—not believing him.
Patton sighed rather loudly and he practically felt Logan cast a look at him out of the corner of his eye.
When Logan finally parked in the parking lot of Patton’s apartment complex, he turned off the car and they both sat in silence for a moment. Finally, he said quietly, “Do you need help getting inside?”
Patton shook his head. “I’ll be okay.” His apartment was on the ground floor and, therefore, there were no stairs he could trip and die on.
Logan allowed Patton to walk on his own, though every time Patton’s foot caught on a nook in the concrete or a lump on the grass or just air, Patton didn’t miss how Logan’s body jolted in preparation to catch him.
After sifting through each of his pockets and giving Logan a slight scare that Patton lost his keys, Patton finally found his keys in one of his front pockets and managed to unlock his door without too much trouble. Once in, he shut and locked the door behind Logan and clumsily toed his shoes off, this time almost losing his balance enough so that Logan had to grab his arm again to keep him steady.
“Thanks,” Patton murmured as he left his shoes on the mat.
Logan sighed. “Patton, I apologize if I upset you,” he said.
“Why don’t you believe me?” Patton asked.
“Because-” Logan huffed out another breath. He shook his head and dragged a hand through his hair. “This shouldn’t be a conversation we have tonight.”
“Why?” Patton crossed his arms.
“I don’t think either of us should say anything more that we’ll regret.”
Something twinged in Patton’s heart at hearing that, at hearing that Patton will only regret what he already said and Logan will regret saying anything. He swallowed thickly, attempting to swallow the emotions that threatened to pour out of him.
Logan must have seen the hurt that crossed Patton’s face because he sighed yet again and softened his gaze. “I’m sorry, Patton,” he continued. “I just think we should talk about this tomorrow.”
“Everything I said is true,” Patton whispered.
“We’ll talk tomorrow,” Logan said again and Patton frowned. “How about you get changed and I get you a glass of water?”
Patton nodded in a wordless agreement and turned to clumsily walk into his bedroom. He fumbled taking off his clothes and left all of them in a messy pile at the foot of his bed. Once he had tugged on his pajama pants and one of his sweatshirts, he considered just flopping down on his bed and letting the dull heartache that thumped in him lull him to sleep. Though, if there was one thing that he knew he would regret, it would be not drinking more water.
He went out to meet Logan, who was sitting at Patton’s kitchen counter with two glasses of water in front of him. He sat down next to him and Logan immediately slid a glass over to him. “Drink slowly,” he murmured and Patton complied, taking a few small sips before setting the glass back down. “I texted Virgil that I got you home.” Patton nodded.
“Are you feeling alright?” Logan asked and Patton shrugged. He continued softly, “I need an answer, Patton.”
“I’m tired,” Patton said after deciding upon that being the best answer.
Logan nodded. “Sleep after you finish that glass,” he said, nodding to the one in front of Patton before taking a sip from his own. “Sleep and then we can talk, okay?”
Patton bit his bottom lip and nodded. “Thank you, Logan,” he finally said because, even though he was a bit upset, he at least understood that Logan deserved thanks. “For getting me home.”
Logan gave him a gentle smile and nodded. “Of course, Patton,” he said. “Someone has to make sure that you get home safe, and Virgil seems to have his hands full with Roman.” At that, Patton laughed and nodded before finishing the rest of his glass.
“I’m gonna sleep.”
“I think that would be the best thing to do.”
“And we’ll talk tomorrow?”
“We will.”
Patton stuck out his pinkie. It was one of the aspects from his childhood that he couldn’t shake and he felt like it was needed at this time. “Promise?”
Logan smiled and hooked their pinkies together. “Now go get some sleep, Patton.”
Patton was asleep the moment his head hit his pillow.
--
Patton could have cried when his phone’s endless buzzing on the side table finally woke him up. Blindly, as he did not feel like opening his eyes yet and making his pounding headache worse, he smacked around on his side table until he finally found it and hit the lock button. With a content sigh, the room flooded back into silence and-
No.
No, there was someone moving in his kitchen and oh my God there was a murderer in his kitchen and-
Patton suddenly remembered that, no, it was just Logan, and his heart rate fell back into a normal rhythm as he nestled back into his pillows.
Well, his heart rate was calm for about two seconds until Patton remembered literally everything that happened the night before and it spiked back up into something worse. He shot up in his bed, which definitely wasn’t a good move because not only was the room spinning but now his headache was even worse.
After waiting a couple moments until the room stopped swaying, Patton smacked around for his glasses and found them half under his bed. He shoved them on his face before grabbing his phone and seeing that he had four missed text messages and one missed call from Virgil.
V, 10:59am: are u awake
V, 11:00am: i tried to wake up roman and get him to drink water and he threatened to break up with me
V, 11:02am: plus i need to know that ur coherent
[Missed call from V, 11:27am]
V, 11:30am: did u seriously just reject my call
Patton’s phone lit up as another text came in.
V, 11:32am: dude are u alive
Patton, in a dazed panic, sent back an erratic keysmash and hoped Virgil understood.
He then stumbled out of his room, ignoring the pounding against his skull, because Patton had a lot of explaining to do and- and-
And, oh my God, I told Logan that I loved him, Patton thought. And it did not end well.
Patton was very in tune with his feelings. That he knew and accepted about himself. It was common for him to be open with others and extremely affectionate because that was just how he was. He liked to spread positivity and make sure that others knew that they were loved because he knew what it was like to feel alone.
However, the one exception to that was Logan because Logan was always so cool and calm and collected and Patton, having been in love with Logan for years, didn’t want to scare Logan away or ruin the friendship they built.
And, somehow, a drunk Patton managed to destroy all of that in less than a half hour.
Patton made a mental reminder to never dismiss Virgil’s advice again.
Patton found Logan sitting at his kitchen counter, lazily scrolling on his phone with one hand while his other hand held a coffee mug. He sheepishly approached Logan and sat down next to him. Logan, putting down his mug, slid over a cup of water to Patton along with an aspirin. Patton wordlessly took them both with a smile and downed the pill with a sip of water.
“Morning, Lo,” Patton finally quietly said.
Logan gave him a small smile. “Good morning,” he said. “How are you feeling?”
Patton shrugged. “My head hurts,” he said. “My room was spinning for a little bit.” He swallowed thickly and looked down at his hands. “I think you deserve an… an explanation for last night.”
“Patton, I-”
“It wasn’t fair of me to throw all of that on you,” Patton continued. “My head might as well have been off of my body because I wasn’t thinking right and-”
“I understand, Patton,” Logan interjected. Patton worried his bottom lip. Logan sighed and continued, “You were drunk and, as we all know, you tend to get even more affectionate than you already are.” Patton offered a weak smile. “I should have known then and there that your quote-on-quote confession was just the result of that, and I think that I should be the one apologizing for taking it so seriously. It was foolish of me to think that you truly meant that and get my hopes-” Logan cut himself off with an adjustment of his glasses “-Either way, it’s fine, Patton.”
The smile had long since slipped off of Patton’s face.
“You really didn’t believe me last night,” Patton said, staring at Logan, who was suddenly very interested in the bottom of his coffee cup.
“I couldn’t let myself believe you,” Logan said with a bitter laugh. “I am no stranger to seeing you be affectionate with everyone you come into contact with, especially with Roman, Virgil, and myself. I’ve heard you practically wax poetry about how much you adore Roman and how you would fight for Virgil.” He shook his head and huffed out a breath, finally looking to Patton. “It was just… foolish of me to think that you meant any of it on a level past platonic and that my feelings were…” He looked away again and Patton noted the pink dusting his cheeks, “Reciprocated.”
Patton blinked.
All last night, Patton was worried that Logan didn’t believe him because Logan didn’t feel the same for Patton.
Meanwhile, Logan had been thinking the same thing.
Of all the ways he fantasized about this situation happening, he never imagined it turning out like this.
“Logan,” Patton said softly. “I’m not taking back anything I said last night.”
Logan sighed and nodded. “Yes, Patton, I know. You love me and you think I’m great because I’m one of your best friends and-”
“No,” Patton interrupted and Logan snapped his mouth shut. He finally looked back at Patton and, slowly, Patton took his free hand. “I love you and I think you’re great because I love you.” He swallowed down any remaining nerves. “I have for a while.”
Logan shook his head. “Patton, if this is just because you pity me-”
Patton levelled a look with Logan and Logan stopped talking again. “Logan, do you really think I’m the type of person that would lie about this?”
Logan shook his head again and Patton smiled gently. He was happy to see the tension start to release from Logan’s shoulders and for him to smile back.
“I meant every single thing I said last night,” Patton said, squeezing Logan’s hand. “Yes, you’re one of my best friends, and yes, you’re very amazing and intelligent and sweet and every good thing I could ever say about you.” Logan chuckled and Patton beamed. “But everything I said, everything about… love. It was all true.” He let out a laugh. “It’s all been true since freshman year.”
Logan’s eyebrows shot to his hairline. “And you were able to keep it a secret for two years?” he questioned, surprise clear in his voice. “I’m impressed.”
“Pay attention to what I’m saying!” Patton laughed, lightly smacking his shoulder. “I’ve held all of this inside for two years and we’re not gonna talk about how Virgil and Roman and practically everyone has known about this!”
Logan laughed, too, and nodded. “Alright then, keep going.”
“You know, Logan, I think you’re enjoying me telling you about how I’ve been head over heels for you for so long,” Patton said and Logan shrugged.
“Perhaps.”
“Well, how could I not have been?” Patton asked. “You’re you.”
Logan flushed a dark shade of red and looked away.
“And if there’s anything I did that made you think I wasn’t being genuine,” Patton continued, his voice softening. “Or perhaps that I was even joking, I’m… I’m so sorry for that.”
“It’s not that,” Logan said with a shake of his head. “I just… didn’t expect someone like you to feel the same for someone like me.”
Patton furrowed his eyebrows. “What do you mean?”
“You might as well literally radiate sunshine,” Logan said. “People flock to you and your warmth and I always just felt like I would… dull all of that. After all, I’ve learned that I’m more cold and stolid than the average person.”
Patton frowned and gently tilted Logan’s head towards him. “You’re calm and understanding,” he said. “You’re so incredibly smart and I will never stop being impressed by that. You’re loyal and always willing to do what you need to to make sure that your friends are okay. You’re the common sense our friend group needs.” At that, Logan let out a small laugh and Patton smiled. “None of that could ever bring me down.”
“I-” Logan swallowed thickly “-Thank you, Patton.”
“You don’t have to thank me,” Patton said. “I’m just telling the truth. I think you’re incredible for everything you are, Logan. It’s why I’ve loved you for so long.”
“I can’t believe it took us so long for us to figure this out,” Logan said.
“How long have you liked me?”
“For about a year and a half.”
Patton was unable to stop a laugh from bursting out of him and he leaned back, almost tipping off the stool if Logan hadn’t pulled him back by his hand. “We could’ve done this so long ago,” he said with a grin, shaking his head. “And it would have been so much easier!”
“Quite,” Logan said with a laugh. “At least it happened last night.”
“Yeah, because I was drunk,” Patton said. “Which was my second mistake, because drunk me shouldn’t be the one making decisions, especially if they have to do with feelings.”
Logan furrowed his eyebrows. “What was your first mistake?”
“Not listening to mostly-sober-Virgil’s advice and, instead, listening to definitely-drunk-Roman’s advice.”
Logan shook his head. “Rookie mistake,” he said.
Patton laughed and nodded. “I know, I know!”
Logan smiled at Patton. “Can I kiss you, Patton?”
Patton felt his heart leap into his throat. “I’ve been waiting for you to say that for two years.”
Logan closed the gap in between them, their lips softly pressing together, and Patton’s eyes slipped shut. He gently rested a hand on Logan’s cheek as Logan secured an arm around Patton’s waist. Patton’s heart was hammering in his chest and his brain might as well have been short circuiting as the two of them melted together.
He had waited for this for so long and this wasn’t at all how he expected it and, still, he didn’t think he’d want it any other way.
The two were torn apart by Patton’s phone suddenly buzzing on the counter and Patton, prepared to decline the call again, decided not to when he saw that it was Virgil.
“Hey, Virge!” He said upon answering.
“Patton, what the fuck does this key smash mean?”
“Oh,” Patton said with a laugh. He slid his hand back into Logan’s. “It’s kind of a long story. Let me just start off by saying that I, uh, didn’t really listen to your advice?”