Chapter Text
“Huh…? Where am I…?” he murmured, looking down at himself, at the armor he wore, at the stark white room around him. “What… what is this place?”
No answer greeted him, no sound could be heard.
“Am I… dead?” he looked around once more, noticing now that the other end of the room seemed to stretch on forever, the blank whiteness broken only by a brilliant golden orb shining off in what almost looked like the sky. “... The last thing I remember…”
He couldn’t move, not anymore. Not without collapsing. He didn’t have the strength to even look up anymore. The sun beat down upon his bruised and bloodied form, struck through with weapons and riddled with curses.
Across him, his opponents lay dead, scattered pieces and puddles of blood where once four Dead Apostles of great power stood, haughty and cruel, heedless and uncaring of the sun that modern media had claimed was fatal to vampiric creatures, and was actually deadly to weaker Dead Apostles.
Still, he fought on, struggling against the metal beneath his skin, the fire in his blood, the weakness in his limbs as he tried to move, tried to fight, tried and failed to continue on as the final Dead Apostle ran away, back into the desert.
And he died alone, upon a hill of swords.
A paper fluttered down from the infinite sky that made up the ceiling of the room, settling into his lap with the sound of a holy chorus behind it.
SIN it proclaimed, the single word filling his mind with a flood of meaning.
He was a sinner, it said, guilty of killing hundreds, though his sin was tempered by his altruism, his good works, his heroism that had saved millions even at the cost of hundreds of what eventually became thousands of innocent lives.
He looked down at the paper with remorse, murmuring to himself and that whose presence so filled the infinite chamber that it could not be felt for how deeply it infused his surroundings, “I wish I never killed any of them. I couldn’t save them, and it cost them their lives…”
Another paper fluttered down, carried aloft by another chorus.
REPENT it said, and he nodded as the simple question of whether or not he wished to atone for those whose lives he had ended simply to remove a threat to the world.
“If I could, I would give anything to fix what I’ve done,” he clenched his fist, crushing the paper with an expression of fierce determination. “I wanted to be a hero, an ally of justice… not a killer who ended lives just because he didn’t see any other way...”
A final slip of paper came down, bearing the single word MISSION with an intricate arrow on the back that, as the wind suddenly picked up and tore the paper from his hands, settled onto the ground with the arrow definitively pointing forwards.
“... I don’t know what’s going on, not really… but if I can help people… I’ll take any chance I can get,” Shirou Emiya stood, striding forth into the infinite white light towards his newfound mission of (largely a formality) repentance.
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“Listen up you slutty angels!” Garterbelt all but roared as his erstwhile charges landed in front of him, the couch piled high with naked men that filed sheepishly out of the room as Panty waved them off with a salacious grin, still fully nude save for the tiniest bit of whipped crea- nope, not whipped cream- white material glazing her chest and nethers and obscuring her nipples and very well used vagina.
“The fuck you want, Garter?” she snapped, scowling at the very large, very intimidating black priest whose afro seemed to get larger every time she saw it. “I was in the middle of fucking!”
“Slut,” her sister, Stocking, muttered darkly, munching on a slice of cake that had miraculously survived the fall from God knew how high up. “Can’t you think about something other than shoving another cock up your ass like it’s the end of the fucking world?”
“Hey, at least I’m not gorging myself on so much sugar my tits look like fucking balloons and my thighs look like a pig’s!” Panty shot back, huffing angrily.
“Don’t get your goddamn splooge bra on me, you cantankerous piece of shit,” Stocking replied as she edged away from Panty, both of them heedless of Garterbelt’s growing rage.
“SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LISTEN YOU IDIOTIC HOEBAGS!” he finally actually roared, brandishing a note from the heavens and stomping in sheer rage, crushing the skull of Chuck, local idiot zombie dog/demon thing/sidekick of the world’s shittiest angels. “UNDER THE GRACE OF GOD, YOUR HUNT FOR HEAVEN COINS IS GOING TO BE ASSISTED BY A SOUL UNDERGOING REPENTANCE! SO STRAIGHTEN THE FUCK UP AND TRY NOT TO BE A PAIR OF SLUTTY DISGRACES TO THE TITLE OF ANGEL, HUH!?”
“... Is he hot?” Panty asked, finally dressing in what appeared to be her dress from last night, still stained with substances that shouldn’t be thought about.
“Again with the slutbaggery,” Stocking sighed, shaking her head. “How the fuck is some human soul gonna help us? We’re angels!”
“This human soul is a hero,” Garterbelt nodded, as if it explained everything, then looked up at the faint sound of thunder. “Now put on your best faces- not that that’s saying much- and get ready. He’ll be here any sec-”
A loud crackle of thunder split the air, interrupting Garterbelt with the sheer volume of the boom as a streak of lightning crashed down from the swirling clouds above and smashed into Chuck, electrocuting him and causing an explosion full of smoke.
“Gah! Fucking hell, is that him!?” Panty coughed, waving away the smoke in her face. “Way to make a fucking entrance, asshole!”
Stocking sighed, not interested in her cake anymore now that the resulting smoke cloud had tainted the frosting with dust and shrapnel. “Great… he ruined my cake too… he’d better be fucking useful or I’m going to cut him up and send him back to heaven myself.”
“Ah… sorry about that,” an unfamiliar voice cut through the smoke as it began to clear, revealing a single man with the faintest halo above his head, clad in black and red armor, his skin bronzed from countless hours in the sun and his eyes a striking molten gold. His hair shone in the morning light, a shock of silvery white reminiscent of polished steel. “I didn’t know that my mode of travel would be so harsh… I apologize for the inconvenience. My name is Shirou Emiya, I’ve been sent down to assist two angels as my repentance.”
“Ha! See, that’s how a proper messenger of Heaven should act!” Garterbelt laughed, bowing towards the hero. “My name is Garterbelt, o hero sent from Heaven. Welcome to Daten City. Before you are the angels Panty and Stocking, who you’ll be helping in their quest to defeat ghosts and earn their way back into Heaven.”
“Hey hottie~” the blonde one- Panty- waved, a smirk upon her face as she winked.
“Hi,” the gothic one- Stocking- muttered, still rather put out at the ruination of her cake. “If that’s everything, can we go now? I want my fucking sugar and this idiot’s entrance spoiled my fucking cake.”
“... Eheh… rather… um… strong words for an angel,” Shirou chuckled awkwardly, barely keeping his shock from hearing literal angels swear that much from showing on his face. “Um… where will I be staying?”