Chapter Text
Bilbo Baggins’ hands were shaking, the adrenaline was still running through his veins and his breathing was still slowing down. Bilbo knew that his body should be wounded somewhere - anyone who fights with orcs and wargs hardly come out of the fight unscathed - but he wasn’t feeling anything. Like his mother used to say 'his body had not cooled yet' at least that's what she always said when Bilbo fell and scraped his knees as he ran across the fields of the Shire and only realized the wound when he came home with leaves in his hair and and dirty clothes.
"You're not feeling the pain now, but when your body cool down you will remember that you should have been more careful." She said while she was wiping his knees. He did not understand why his body had to be cold for him to feel the pain, but later he realized that it was the high level of adrenaline that would not let him notice pain.
At the moment, he could have lost an arm and he wouldn’t have noticed it.
However it was not just the adrenaline that would not let him see if he was hurt or not, other things were more important at the moment. Thorin Oakenshield had been badly injured during the fight with Azog and his white warg, and now - after the eagles had left them and the dwarves in the safety of the Carrock - Bilbo could see the blood on Thorin’s face and clothes and the fact that Thorin had not woke up yet was making him very nervous.
Gandalf was bent over him murmuring some words, Bilbo figured it was some enchantment or something. The dwarves were around Thorin but kept enough distance to not disturb the wizard who was trying to save the dwarf king. Fili and Kili were crying for their uncle who was more dead than alive. Bilbo was at a safe distance, internally praying for anyone who would listen. Yavanna, Mahal, he was begging and pleading for Thorin’s life.
Thorin could not die like this, not after Bilbo had finally understood and accepted what he felt for the dwarf king. Thorin was rude and stubborn as hell and he did not miss the opportunity to point out how Bilbo was weak, small and useless. That used to make Bilbo very angry, but the hobbit was a creature of gentle nature which tended to see the positive side of things. He knew Thorin had been through a lot and these things have hardened him. The dwarf was a warrior, survivor, and Bilbo was just a hobbit of Bag End, who had never fought in battles, who had not had his home taken by a dragon. They certainly had a disastrous beginning, but the hobbit come to admire Thorin’s perseverance and love for his family and his land.
Yes, Bilbo admired him and cared for him - which was easier to say than to admit he liked, really liked, Thorin - and that's why he put himself between the dwarf and the pale orc and fought for him. In that moment, Bilbo’s intention was not to prove that he was not a burden, that he could fight if needed and get the approval of Thorin and the Company. Bilbo fought Azog because he could not see the dwarf die and that was the right thing to do. And now he prayed that his efforts had not been in vain.
Bilbo finally breathed when he saw Thorin beginning to stir.
"Where is the Halfling?" Thorin said hoarsely and Bilbo had never been so happy to be called Halfling.
"He's here." Gandalf said putting a hand on Thorin's arm to help him get up but the dwarf was very proud and shoved him away, fighting to stand on his wobbly legs. Bilbo was so happy that Thorin was alive, so a smile found its place on his face.
Thorin looked around for a second, he still looked dazed, his companions were approaching him, happy that their king was alive. Then his eyes landed on the hobbit who was distant from the group and Thorin’s eyes were so cold, void of any kindness.
"You!" He said harshly, his voice rumbling through the Carrock. "What were you doing? Didn’t you know you could get yourself killed?" Thorin stepped forward menacingly and Bilbo’s smile fell from his face.
Thorin was angry with him? Why Thorin was angry? Bilbo looked to Gandalf confused. The Wizard looked back at the hobbit with the same expression. Even the dwarves who were celebrating the fact that Thorin was alive seemed shocked by the harshness of his words. Bilbo wanted to say something, but no words came to his mouth.
"Did I not say that you would be a burden? That you would not survive in the wild? That you had no place amongst us?" said Thorin and his eyes flashed with anger. "I've never been so right in all my life."
Thorin's words felt like arrows tossed at him, sharp and hurtful. A burden? Bilbo had just saved Thorin’s life. The Hobbit did not expect that Thorin would hug him and admit that he had been treating Bilbo very harshly, but he certainly wasn’t expecting this. There was a lump in Bilbo's throat, his eyes were stinging with tears that wanted to fall from his eyes but Bilbo fought against them with all his strength. Bilbo clenched his fists and managed to say:
"I. .. I did it on impulse." He tried to defend himself.
"Impulse?" Thorin said shaking his head. "I can not believe I agreed with this absurd idea of bringing you in this mission."
"I saved your life, Thorin Oakenshield!" Bilbo said extremely hurt, the tears burning his eyes but Bilbo was still fighting them, he would not cry in front of Thorin. "You were unconscious and if it wasn’t for me, Azog would have killed you!"
Thorin took a few steps forward and Bilbo refrained the urge to take a few steps back. He was afraid of Thorin. The dwarf was stronger and much taller than him, and Thorin could be a very terrifying dwarf when he was angry.
"I have fought orcs and creatures worse than this since before you were born, you smug halfling, I can handle a fight." He snapped.
Thorin grabbed the collar of Bilbo’s shirt and lifted him a few inches off the ground. The hobbit heard the others dwarves asking Thorin to leave the hobbit alone, but he was too scared. Bilbo began to feel a horrible pain in his side and closed his eyes to try to ignore the pain and Thorin's eyes that looked so cold. He was injured and he was only realizing it now, on the worst moment possible. He tried to struggle, but Thorin's grip was strong. The Hobbit began to despair.
"Unfortunately, the success of our mission depends on you. I don’t know why Gandalf had chose you, of all people. You are immature and careless, and neither I nor any of my men have time to be your nanny. Why is so hard for you to understand this?" Thorin shook Bilbo.
"Thorin ..." Bilbo squealed, begging with his eyes for him to stop.
"Are you hurt?" Thorin asked sharply. "You’re useless to me if you die."
Bilbo looked into the eyes of the dwarf. He didn’t care about the hobbit, he never cared. Bilbo was merely a tool for the dwarf to reach his goal, nothing more. A tool that is useless if it is broken. Bilbo felt so foolish for have believed that Thorin would care about him. Bilbo felt even more foolish to think that Thorin could love him. How could he? He had been humiliating Bilbo from day one, making it clear that the hobbit meant absolutely nothing to him. At that moment something changed inside Bilbo.
The hobbit looked into Thorin’s eyes. His expression was no longer scared. Bilbo was looking at him now as cold as Thorin, maybe even more.
"No. I'm not hurt, Thorin. "Bilbo said through clenched teeth.
"Good." He said releasing the hobbit who fell sitting on the ground. Bilbo bit his lip to keep from screaming in pain. "Try to stay alive until we reach the mountain."
The king turned to his company and began walking away from the hobbit. All the dwarves had a startled look when they saw their king acting so harshly to the hobbit who only helped him. Bilbo saw Gandalf walking away from the group to try to talk to Thorin and the other dwarves began to move to find a place to sleep, Fili and Kili however went to Bilbo, who was still sitting on the ground, to comfort him.
"Don’t take what he said so seriously." Fili said kneeling beside the hobbit and placing a hand on his shoulder.
"He doesn’t know how to deal with stress." Kili amended.
"He yelled at me for two hours when I broke my arm when I was a dwarfling."
Bilbo was still silent. The two brothers exchanged worried looks.
"Bilbo ..." Kili said taking Bilbo's hand between his. "Thorin will not say it, but I will. Thank you for risking your life to save our uncle. You are brave and you’re part of this company as much as any of us. "
Bilbo looked Kili and sighed. Fili and Kili were good people, very different from his uncle.
"You can go, lads. I… I need a minute." Bilbo said looking away.
The brothers exchanged another worried look but respected Bilbo’s desire of being alone. Bilbo was sad and it was noticeable that the hobbit was holding back tears. Bilbo waited until they were far away and rose from the ground, wincing in pain. Carefully Bilbo touched his side and felt an immense pain. Gritting his teeth, he unbuttoned his red waistcoat and saw that the shirt he wore underneath it was soaked with blood. With a trembling hand he lifted his shirt and saw that there was a large deep cut on his side just below his ribs.
The tears finally broke through his eyes. His shoulders shook with his sobs. He was wounded, badly wounded, but he would not give Thorin the pleasure to see him whining. No sir. He would not be a burden.
Bilbo buttoned his waistcoat and wiped the tears from his face with the sleeve of his shirt. Wincing in pain he stood on shaky legs and began his walk to the camp that was being settled.