Chapter Text
“You can’t kill me now, I’m busy.”
“You do realize you don’t get a say in the matter?” Kravitz asked, already a bit fed up. This was not the first time he’d had to deal with this lich, and it was honestly becoming an issue. Sure, some bounties were harder to catch than others, but he’d been after this lich for almost eight years now. And over the past few he’d been an ever increasing thorn in his side.
Despite that, Kravitz didn’t go straight to attacking. He’d learned from experience that would only make him flee. The last thing Kravitz wanted was for him to leave when he’d finally managed to track him down again.
He’d long since learned though that he was much more willing to stuck around if they talked. It was frankly bizarre when compared to most of his bounties, but when it came down to it, most things about this lich were strange. If he could talk his way out of this one instead of resorting to fighting, he’d take that option.
Kravitz also got the feeling that if nothing else, this lich was lonely. It wasn’t his problem if that was the case, but he supposed at the end of the day it didn’t hurt to talk a bit.
“I mean, considering you haven’t managed to throw me in ghosts jail yet I’d say I have a pretty good say,” Taako said, and the red robed specter flitted to the other side of the cave. For all the times he’d had run ins with Taako, it had taken Kravitz a while to find this place.
Despite being incredibly powerful, this lich didn’t give off a lot of the telltale signs he’d learned to look for in his many, many years as a reaper. In all the times he’d seen him, he rarely ever seen him do necromancy.
So it had taken him a while to find his lair, but this was clearly it. It seemed to be set up as half cryptic lair, with maps and spellbooks with notes and magic that looked unfamiliar and powerful even to Kravitz. The other half looked like a disorganized bedroom. Blankets and clothes were strewn across a bed, which was a strange thing to see to begin with. Liches weren’t exactly known for sleeping or being corporeal enough to wear clothes. There were books on this side too, but they didn’t seem to be arcane in nature. In fact, from the colorful covers they looked like cookbooks.
He stopped paying attention to that side of the cave. It was odd enough interacting with a lich who tended to have so much personality. It was even stranger seeing signs of hobbies outside of the dark magics and clothes showing an eccentric fashion sense.
Besides, even if Kravitz didn’t see him doing much of it, the important parts of this places showed that Taako was well practiced in necromancy. The body growing in the sickeningly unnerving pod in the corner was clear proof of that.
“I’m not letting you go this time,” Kravitz insisted. The lich barely seemed to be paying him any mind, but he’d long since learned that didn’t mean his guard was down.
“So you’ve been letting me get away, have you? Huh, I always had a feeling you were a softy underneath all that bluster,” Taako said. Kravitz frowned, or well, frowned as much as he could with only a skull, and watched as the lich disappeared a pile of maps into some pocket dimension.
“No, that’s not- listen,” he said, sighing heavily. It had been a while since his last encounter with Taako. It always took a moment to adjust to the fact that dealing with this lich was completely different from every other one he’d ever encountered.
“I’m listening, speak your pretty little head as much as you want,” Taako said. Which, ugh, that was another thing.
The flirting had taken a while to get used to. He still wasn’t used to it.
“Taako, I’m going to be frank, you’re possibly the most stable lich I’ve ever met, and the number of liches I’ve met is a bit higher than the average person,” he said, and it was true. It used to piss him off, and it still kind of did. He wasn’t used to being given the runaround like this from someone who often times was so clearly fucking with him.
He’d never admit it, but there was also something kind of fun about it too. He told himself that he was not letting that get in the way of his actual work. But, it was a nice change of pace having to deal with an enemy so different and intelligent. Hunting liches was usually such a nasty business, with their minds destroyed it was more like putting down a rabid animal than anything else. He never got that feeling from Taako.
Taako paused in his quick movement around the dimly lit cave, seeming to think over what he’d said. From what Kravitz could tell, he’d been checking maps and putting things away and packing up as much as possible.
“You haven’t met Lup or Barry yet then. They make me look like a recent divorcee crying and eating cans of uncooked peas while sitting in a shopping cart in the middle of a fantasy Costco,” Taako said, and it took Kravitz a moment to process that particular image.
“No, I haven’t,” he said, and this wasn’t the first time Taako had brought up those two other bounties. The first time had been his first encounter with Taako, and it certainly set the stage that it wouldn’t be a normal bounty.
The entire time Taako hadn’t seemed to care that he was trying to kill him. As soon as he found out he was a reaper of the Raven Queen, he’d demanded to know if these Lup and Barry were in the astral plane. They weren’t, and he’d yet to find any sign of either. Taako mentioned them often ever since then, and Kravitz got the feeling it was one of the reasons he’d be rather chatty. To see if Kravitz had any new information on them.
“You’ll tell me if you do, right?” the lich asked, and there was that surprising amount of vulnerability Taako would showcase at times. It always caught Kravitz off guard, no matter how many times it happened. Liches weren’t vulnerable, and they certainly didn’t manage to be without coming undone.
“Yes, I promise,” he said, and he could see the way the whole cloak seemed to slump some in relief. It was clear that these two other liches were incredibly important to him. If assuring Taako that he’d let him know when he found them made him more willing to listen to him, he’d gladly do it.
He even intended to keep his promise, even though he had no real obligation to. All three of them were a mockery of everything he stood for after all.
“Cool, cool, just double checking skeletor. So, you were saying something about me being chill as fuck?” he asked, and Kravitz nodded.
“Right, Taako you’re not an unreasonable person, I’d be hard pressed to even label you as evil,” he said, and that was something that had been incredibly difficult to accept for a long time. Liches were evil, every single one he’d met in his centuries of being a reaper. Some turned with good intentions, but he’d never met one that wasn’t eventually consumed by their own power.
But Taako was different.
“Sweet, so could you like, maybe just let me chill instead of constantly trying to off my sweet ass?” he asked, and Kravitz sighed once again.
“No, it’s not that simple. You’re still a lich, I can’t allow you to go like that isn’t an issue. Hell, you’re still performing necromancy,” he said, gesturing over to the weird glowing pod. “You can’t just grow bodies Taako, that’s illegal.”
“Yeah, okay it’s technically necromancy, but it’s my own damn body. I’m not hurting anyone else just cause cha’ boy needs an extra meat suit sometimes,” he said, and Kravitz was a little surprised at that. This lich didn’t have many distinguishable features, other than the bright red robe he wore. Otherwise, all Kravitz knew was that he was an elf, and that was only from the reports he’d gotten on him from the Raven Queen herself.
He shifted over towards the tank some, squinting to see if he could make out the form a bit more. The water was too cloudy to see any more than a basic frame though. It was a little disappointing.
When he glanced back over to the lich, he could practically feel the shit eating grin on him. Something without a face shouldn’t be able to do that, and yet here they were.
“Didn’t realize you were so eager to get a look at my pretty face,” he said, a teasing tone to his voice. Kravitz was glad he only ever appeared in front of Taako in his reaper form or inhabiting what he could to fight. It was beyond frustrating how often he managed to fluster him.
“Well, you sing your own praises so much you can’t blame someone for wanting to see how warranted it all is,” he said.
“You used to be a person yourself right? You got flesh to go over those bones, bones? What do you say, I’ll show you mine if you show me yours?” Taako asked, and if Kravitz had eyes at the moment he would’ve rolled them. This was getting away from the point he’d been trying to make.
But he was curious despite himself. Plus, the more comfortable he could get Taako the better.
Without saying a word he allowed his form to shift, flesh and skin forming over the bones. As soon as he’d finished his transformation Taako let out a low whistle.
“Well shit, charming, has a steady job and handsome as fuck? Aren’t you the whole package,” he said. Kravitz wasn’t sure what reaction he’d been expecting, but it wasn’t that one. Which really shouldn’t surprise him by now.
“My steady job is literally to kill you,” he pointed out as bluntly as possible, but Taako dismissed that with a wave of his skeletal hand.
“Details, details,” he said, and despite himself Kravitz found himself snickering at that. It was dumb, but of course Taako would view something like that as only a minor detail.
Before either of them could say anything else Taako waved his hand again, but in a much more deliberate way.
Kravitz was surprised when a large image appeared in the air, hovering above his open palm. He supposed it made more sense than Taako trying to actually change his form to look like he did in life. A small illusion was much less taxing. Taako was strong, but Kravitz couldn’t fault him for not wanting to exert that much energy over something like that.
So what surprised him wasn’t that he made an projection. It was that, well, it wasn’t an image of one person. There were three, two elves and a human. The elves looked nearly identical, clearly related if not outright twins. They were also both incredibly gorgeous, not that he felt a particular need to say that out loud. It was just a fact that was pretty hard to not notice. The human man looked rather plain, especially next to the two elves, but he didn’t look like he felt out of place.
All three of them were smiling brightly, and they were all wearing the same red robes that made up Taako’s form now.
“I’m on the right,” Taako said, and Kravitz nodded. He had been wondering, and since he actually had a face at the moment maybe it showed.
“I take it the others are Lup and Barry?” he asked, and he could see the hood of the robe shift in a nod.
“Yeah, did I ever mention Lup’s my sister?” Taako asked, and Kravitz shook his head. It was weird, seeing a lich look forlorn, but that’s exactly what it was as he stared at the image in his hand.
“Yeah, twin sister, natch. Barold’s her nerdy ass husband, and like, my best friend I guess,” he continued to explain. “They’re both a lot better at this shit than I am. I’m the pretty one though, so I guess it evens out,” he added. It was obviously a joke but it didn’t do much to mask the sadness he clearly felt looking at that image. Kravitz told himself that he shouldn’t be feeling bad for someone like him, but the way he sighed before letting the image disappear again tugged at something in his chest despite that.
“You must miss them,” he said, and Taako let out a bitter laugh at that.
“Yeah, I- fuck,” he said, and there were small crackles of pure arcane power shooting off of his form. He’d seen Taako get the slightest bit unstable like that before, but it was rare. “I’m gonna be honest with you my dude, it’s fucking hilarious that you call me stable. I don’t know how the fuck I’ve managed this long without them,” he said, and that honestly wasn’t much of a surprise. Kravitz wouldn’t say that he knew Taako particularly well, even with all their encounters, but it was clear how important those two were to him from the start.
“It’s just- god,” Taako continued, surprising Kravitz some. He wasn’t sure how he felt about a lich opening up to him. Taako opening up to him though didn’t feel as wrong somehow. “I really don’t know what the fuck I’m doing here bones. Necromancy isn’t even my thing, that’s all Barry. I couldn’t let those two idiots become fucking liches on their own though, ya know?”
“I can’t really say I do,” Kravitz said, because well, he couldn’t. Taako looked up at him again and let out a laugh.
“Right, yeah this is all horrible abominations to you, I get it. That’s pretty fucking fair. Hell, I’m not trying to convince you we were even doing the right thing, but like, we didn’t have a choice,” he said. Kravitz nodded, not wanting to interrupt this. In all the time he’d been after Taako, he’d never touched on why he’d become a lich before.
“This was all them though, cause they’re fucking geniuses. I mean, cha’ boy is smart as fuck too, don’t get it twisted, but it’s just… I don’t know what the fuck to do without them. I know she’s hidden Barry somewhere, and he can’t remember even if I do find him, and Lup…” Taako trailed off, and this was all so strange. Kravitz didn’t have any idea what he was talking out.
Despite himself, he found he wanted to help. Taako was a lich though, there was only one way he was allowed to help.
He tried to squash down any idea of asking about exceptions.
“I’m sorry Taako, honestly I am,” he said finally. He needed to get back to his main point, as much as he wanted to sit here and talk more. “I do want to help you though. I know with all the attempted murder it might not seem that way, but I do,” he said, and it was always hard to tell what Taako was thinking.
“What kinda help you offering here handsome?” he asked, and Kravitz ignored that last part. Best to focus on important things.
“Right, about that,” Kravitz said, and he’d had a whole speech prepared beforehand. These new revelations required some adjusting though. “I can see you’re not evil Taako, that’s clear. We don’t have to fight over this. If you just come with me I promise I’ll put in a good word for you to the Raven Queen. I can’t absolve you of your crimes, but I can promise to make it all as comfortable as possible. And I swear that once we bring Lup and Barry in you will be reunited with your family,” he said, hoping beyond hope that Taako would listen to reason.
There was a long stretch of silence. Neither of them were truly alive, so the last of any sound of breathing made sense, but it made the quiet feel even more tense.
“That all sounds fucking swell Krav, but I already told you, I’m busy,” he said, a note of finality in his voice and Kravitz sighed. He’d tried to get Taako to come with him before of course, so many times now, so he shouldn’t be surprised that he was refusing.
Despite that, he was still disappointed.
His refusal to come without a fight should have been the end of the conversation. It had been every time Kravitz had tried this in the past. If he attacked now, he might be able to seriously hamper whatever operation Taako had set up here too. Destroy his home base, get rid of that vile cloning pod, chip away at him until there was nothing left and he could take him in.
For some reason, Kravitz didn’t want to do that.
“Busy with what?” he pressed instead. “If you’re just trying to find your family, we can-” he tried, but Taako cut him off.
“It ain’t that,” he said, which was a surprise to say the least. “I mean, yeah, I’m looking for them. Of fucking course I am, but it’s not- it’s not the most important thing,” he finished, and it seemed almost painful for him to say that last part. Admitting there was something more important than finding his family wasn’t easy.
“Then what is?” he asked.
“I kinda doubt you’d believe me. It’s pretty damn far fetched,” Taako said.
“To tell you the truth, I already can’t believe that I haven’t attacked you yet,” Kravitz said, and Taako laughed at that. It wasn’t the first time he’d ever heard his laugh, but it always sounded so much nicer than he expected.
These were really bad thoughts he kept having. He needed to stop having these kinds of thoughts.
“I guess that’s fucking fair my man. I mean, shit,” he said, and there was an edge of hope in his voice. “You uh, you promise to hear me out here? It’s gonna, this is gonna sound pretty fucking buck wild, but I swear I’m telling the truth,” he added, and despite his better judgment Kravitz found himself nodding.
“Yes, I promise,” he said, because honestly, there was something about Taako that was so different from anyone else he’d ever met. Not even every other lich, but everyone . He didn’t know what to think of it, but he also couldn’t ignore it anymore either. If they had met in different circumstances, he probably would’ve really enjoyed Taako’s company.
Maybe there was some way to change their current circumstances instead.
Kravitz let the scythe in his hand disappear, and walked over to a chair in the corner of the cave. Pulling it out, he sat down and gave Taako his full attention.
“Tell me what’s going on. Please, let me help you,” he said. Taako nodded, his lich form doing its best attempt at sitting down in another chair. It was obviously more for show than anything, which made clear how unnecessary having all this furniture around was.
“Well my man, long story short, I’m trying to save this stupid goddamn world.”
A month later, Kravitz was fairly certain if Taako wasn’t insane, he certainly was. He’d gotten express permission for this though, after hearing Taako’s story. He went to the Raven Queen, and he actually asked her for lenience on Taako. He made a deal so that he wouldn’t have to bring him in until everything he’d explained to them was taken care of. He’d promised Taako he would help him with it as much as he could, and it was- all of this was so much bigger than he could comprehend.
It had sounded unbelievable, but as crazy as it was, the story checked out. Taako was telling the truth.
Kravitz found himself incredibly nervous and uncomfortable as he sat waiting on Taako's bed. After only a second though the cloning pod cracked open. Taako’s now inhabited new body came stumbling out, obviously confused and disoriented. Kravitz found himself watching, not surprised to see that Taako was as beautiful as he’d looked in the image he’d shown. He then quickly averted his gaze, staring at the cave wall beside him. Since well, the body hadn’t exactly been cloned with clothes on, and staring would be rude and inappropriate.
“Well shit, don’t remember a goddamn thing about how I got here, but it must’ve been pretty good to end up like this in front of such a pretty face. Gotta say though seems a little unfair, only one of us with any clothes,” Taako said. Kravitz tried not to be surprised that he clearly didn’t have a clue what was going on, Taako had warned him this would happen.
“Your clothes are right over on that chair,” Kravitz said, pointing towards said chair while still staring very intently at the wall next to him.
“Not as fun, but I guess that works too,” Taako said, and Kravitz could hear the pout in his voice. Good Queen above, what in the world was he thinking going through with this?
“So, what’s your name thug? And uh, care to explain what the fuck is going on?” Taako asked as he threw on the outfit he’d laid out for himself beforehand.
“It’s Kravitz, and well, this is going to sound pretty far fetched, but I promised you I’d help you save the world,” he said. He chanced a glance over at him, and okay, at least he had pants on now.
“Yeah, not gonna lie my man that kinda sounds like a lot of bullshit. Saving the world isn’t really cha’ boy’s speed,” he said. Taako had also warned him that he probably wouldn’t believe a word he said.
“There should be a coin in your robe, um, you said that it would explain everything,” he said. Taako reached into the pocket of the bright purple robe he’d been throwing on (it was so strange seeing him in any color but red) and pulled out a coin.
“This piece of junk?” he asked, and when he said that, the coin started to speak.
Alright, you’re Taako, you know? When you were eight you lived with your aunt, she was the only fucking decent adult in your life. She taught you how to cook, and your favorite things to bake are macaroons. You’ve been on your own since you were twelve, but being alone is the most unnatural fucking feeling in the world. There’s a damn good reason for that.
Listen, I know we don’t trust all that well, but this shit is important. I’m you from like five minutes ago, and we’re in some deep shit. You can’t remember any of the important bits, but believe me when I say fixing this hell is the only option we’ve got.
Oh, and listen to Krav. He’s a pretty smart dude, and he knows the whole story. He won’t be able to explain everything to you, but worst comes to worst he’s a real pretty face to look at. See if you can get him to loosen up and maybe he’ll be down for some smooching. I haven’t managed it yet, but you might have a better shot being corporeal and all.
Kravitz felt his face turning red at that last bit, which was honestly unfair. He wasn’t warm, he shouldn’t have to still react to embarrassment like that. He let out a painfully awkward cough to break the silence. “I probably wasn’t supposed to be here for that last part, sorry,” he said, but Taako was grinning at him.
“Or you were absolutely supposed to be here,” he said, pocketing the coin again. “So uh, I don’t know what most of that means, but it’s pretty clear that something’s going on here. So what the fuck, I’ll bite, why not,” he added, and Kravitz felt some relief at that. He wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do if Taako refused to listen to him at all.
“Alright well, I suppose we should get started. I can try to explain as much to you as possible, but unfortunately like you, or well, the you from before said, you won’t be able to remember any of the important bits,” Kravitz said, and Taako nodded along.
“Right right, hey can I ask ya a question?” he said, and Kravitz nodded.
“Of course."
“You single? Like, the coin implied it but I just wanna be perfectly clear on that fact.”
“This was a mistake. This was a huge mistake,” he groaned, running his hands down his face.
“I’m not hearing a no,” Taako said, and now that he had a face to look at Kravitz could see that he almost looked nervous under the teasing grin.
“I happen to be single, yes,” he grumbled out after a moment. It was not an important fact, so there was no reason to lie or not tell him.
“Cool cool, in that case you wanna head somewhere a little less drab to discuss all this saving the world shit? I have no fucking clue what we’re doing in a cave of all things,” Taako said, and Kravitz chuckled a little at that.
“You said something about going all in with the aesthetic and paying homage to a friend,” Kravitz explained. He really couldn’t say he was particularly attached to staying in this place either though.
“But yes, we can get out of here. I’ve already agreed to worse.”