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Daniel yanked the door open at the first knock.
Janet Frasier was clearly startled, but recovered with her usual aplomb.
"Hello. I'm Dr. Frasier. I take it you're the woman who called me about Dr. Jackson? Where is he?" She was just on the verge of pushing her way into the apartment as Daniel stepped out of the way.
Daniel raised a tentative hand.
"Hey, Janet. It's me."
That earned him a disapproving frown.
"Miss, you said Daniel needed me immediately. Daniel!" she shouted back into the apartment, stalking through the living room, headed for the hall.
"Janet," Daniel said as calmly as he could, "This really is me. Daniel Jackson. I woke up this morning and looked in the mirror and this is what I saw."
Janet rounded on him, clearly furious at having been rousted out of bed on a quiet Sunday morning for a prank, then to Daniel's alarm, went very pale.
He didn't know what had made her suddenly realize, but now she was staring at him in something akin to horror.
"Daniel?!"
"Yup. It's me."
For a moment she just gaped at him. Then she swallowed hard and the physician's calm demeanor settled back around her.
"OK. Let's start with a physical exam."
"I don't know what to think, sir," Janet said into her cell phone. Daniel stood nervously leaning against the kitchen counter, valiantly trying to resist drinking more coffee. He was twitchy enough already.
"She appears to think she's Daniel, sir. She has scars that match…"
A long pause.
"I know it sounds crazy, sir. But I sincerely believe that this is Daniel standing here in the room with me. I'll need plenty of lab work to prove it, and I can't do that here. Plus, if it really is Daniel, something has caused radical changes to his body in 48 hours. It will be an agent unlike anything we've ever seen before and we need to know if it's contagious. And frankly, if this person isn't Daniel, I want her under the mountain where we can find out what the hell she's done with him."
The SF's met them at the desk. To Daniel they looked menacing, as only someone pointing a loaded gun at you can look. Someone had clearly told them to be alert for trouble. No wonder they were a little surprised when the threat turned out to be, well, him. Daniel blushed from the roots of his hair to the tips of his toes as he realized thatboth of them were checking him out.
"Janet, I don't think I can do this," he whispered, resisting the urge to try to duck behind her.
"Come on," said Janet in a reassuring voice. "It's going to be OK." And to their escort's annoyance, or possibly delight, Janet slipped a steadying arm around his waist and gently tugged him with her into the elevator.
Janet stood with him in the isolation room. He looked from the scrubs she had handed him up to the opaque observation windows. He saw himself reflected there and immediately flinched away.
His reflection showed the person he had seen in the mirror when he woke up this morning. A tiny little person, just about the same height and build as Dr. Frasier herself, actually, currently swallowed whole by Daniel's clothes. Since it was summer in Colorado, he hadn't even bothered to try on any shoes from his closet, and his small feet were bare on the cold tile floor. His hair was the right dark sandy color, but now it hung thickly to his shoulders. The eyes behind his glasses were the right blue, but they were set in a sweet, delicate face, surrounded by perfect long lashes.
If he were in the mood to be generous with the universe, he'd have to admit he was a good looking woman. As it was, he could only be angry that somehow his brain had been transferred to this cheerleader's body, and somewhere some goa'uld or crazy Asgard or somebody had his actual self and was doing God-knows-what with it.
Janet misinterpreted his glance at the observation booth and his hesitation.
"Nobody's up there yet, Daniel," she said soothingly. "Only the general knows you're here and who you claim to be, and he's off base today. We're not mentioning this to anybody until I get some lab work back, which will be tomorrow afternoon, at the earliest. Go on and change so I can start poking you with needles and trundling you through the MRI and all that fun stuff."
Daniel put the scrubs on.
Much to Daniel's amazement, the lab work that came back over the course of the next few days actually confirmed that he was the authentic Daniel Jackson. Sort of.
"The genetic match between Dr. Jackson and this woman is much closer than one would expect for a sibling or parent. More like what you would expect from an identical twin, aside from the gender differences."
"So what does that mean, exactly, Doctor?" General Hammond asked.
"I don't know. Whatever has happened to Dr. Jackson is certainly beyond any medical technology available on earth. We've seen clones with duplicate personalities transferred to them, so I suspect the Asgard could do something like this. But based on my interactions with him, I feel very confident that the person in that body is the real Daniel Jackson. So maybe it was some sort of nanite technology? I'm at a complete loss, sir, to explain it. But as his physician, I believe that person in there is our Daniel, and his physical appearance has been radically changed in a short time by some form of genetic manipulation."
The general looked down in to the isolation room at the pretty young woman with Daniel's glasses and Daniel's frown, leafing through old scholarly journals that had been brought to her from Daniel's office.
Did he really think that could be Daniel down there?
Sighing deeply, he turned to his chief medical officer.
"I think it's time to call the Pentagon."
Daniel nervously paced the VIP suite they had assigned for his use. He was still under twenty-four hour armed guard and he was still not being allowed to leave the base. Janet had explained her conclusions to him, and he knew she was advocating him as the "real" Daniel Jackson, but he also suspected that was going to be very hard for a lot of people to believe. He still couldn't accept it and he'd been thinking about it constantly for two weeks.
He knew that his disappearance had caused concern all over the base. Only Janet and the general knew who he claimed to be. Even the medical staff and his guard had been kept in the dark. Janet said that General Hammond had basically told everyone that his whereabouts were classified, an answer which had made SG-1, and particularly Jack, furious, and seriously concerned Daniel's staff as well.
Janet was already sitting at the table that had been set up in the small guest area of the suite.
"Quit pacing and sit, Daniel," she said softly.
"I can't," he replied. "This is going to be hideous."
She shook her head, but went back to flipping through her notes, as if there were answers there that would make this easier.
At nine o'clock sharp, they arrived. General Hammond, Major Davis, and SG-1. They settled in quietly around the small table. They sized him up as he stood indecisively near the foot of the bed. Daniel blushed a little as the male gazes seemed to linger. But he shoved that aside as paranoia. The BDUs he was dressed in were about the least revealing clothes he could have asked for.
"I know you've been concerned about Dr. Jackson for several days," the general began. "Dr. Frasier and her staff have been working very hard to come up with an explanation about what has happened. Gentlemen, Major, may I present Dr. Daniel Jackson."
There was a very long pause as they all looked him over again. Daniel smiled nervously.
"Permission to speak freely, sir?"
"If you can keep it clean, Colonel."
Jack ground his teeth and obviously reconsidered his next statement. "I'm not buying it, sir."
"I understand you have doubts, Colonel. Dr. Frasier, if you would like to proceed..."
They grilled him for hours, despite Janet's assertions that she had been working with him for two weeks and she was certain he was Daniel.
Daniel tried to be calm. He answered their questions directly and completely. Made eye contact. Didn't try to control his hands. Tried to let them see for themselves that it was him.
At the end of the long day what hurt most was the anger in Jack's eyes - followed directly by the pity in Sam's.
The next day they brought in his staff, too, to test his knowledge of all the things Daniel Jackson would know. Every language, every area of historical and technical specialty, inventories of artifacts to review, detailed quizzes about old translations.
And then it hurt that his staff, as a collective, believed.
As he lay in the comfortable dark of the VIP suite, with the guards outside, he didn't want Jack to doubt him, and he didn't want people to believe.
"With all due respect, sir, none of this proves anything," Jack growled, pacing his superior's tiny office, the object of his tirade sitting quietly trying to be as small as possible without cringing.
"Robots! Alternate universes! Hell, I've got my own damn clone with my entire personality off at some high school somewhere. Even if we can't tell this person from Daniel, that doesn't mean she's our Daniel."
"That's been worrying me, too, General," Daniel said quietly. Jack whirled on him, radiating hostility. Daniel swallowed nervously in the face of that hot anger and continued. "I don't know what's going on any more than you do, but what Jack says is true. The versions of us that Harlen created had no idea that they weren't the originals until they saw the medical evidence with their own eyes. What if I'm something like that, and the real me is out there somewhere and nobody's looking for him?"
Daniel's eyes flitted back and forth between the two men - the General seated behind his desk, Jack towering over him. He was startled at the change in Jack's expression. He had gone from anger to pure fear in a heartbeat, and as Daniel met his eyes he sank into the other chair, hands trembling little as they came to rest on his thighs.
"Yeah. That's what I've been saying for the past two days," Jack finished quietly. "What if Daniel's being tortured to death by some goa'uld, or experimented on by a radical Asgard dissenter? What if we accept this person as Daniel and..."
"I understand your concerns, both of you," said the General. "And I think that's probably what we're all thinking at this point. I'm sure you'll both be glad to know that the Pentagon also wants the answer to this question. First, because Dr. Jackson in the hands of a hostile party would be a huge security threat. And second, because they don't want to acknowledge this young woman as being the actual Dr. Jackson if there is any doubt as to her authenticity. They are considering extending Dr. Jackson's security clearance, salary, benefits, and legal identity to you, and they want to be sure they aren't making a terrible, and frankly embarrassing, mistake."
"I understand that, sir," replied Daniel. "But I don't see how we can resolve this."
"Well, it's clear that you aren't some sort of robot, like Harlen created. Dr. Frasier thinks you have been genetically manipulated, with the alternative being that you are a clone that has been genetically manipulated. Now that we feel more certain that you really might be the actual Dr. Jackson, we have sent messages to the Tokra, the Tollan, and the Asgard about the circumstances and asked if they could offer us any assistance. We have even tried to contact the Nox, though it's doubtful we will hear anything from them. I hold out a lot of hope that the Asgard, with their understanding of cloning, will be able to help us determine your true status."
"Thank you, sir," Daniel said. "Is there any chance that I could get back to my work while we wait? I could at least be doing something useful to take the edge of the nerves."
"I'm sorry, miss," the General replied. And he looked it, too. "Until we make a determination about security clearance, you cannot have access to Dr. Jackson's materials or notes."
The conference room behind them was filling, as SG-5 came in to brief on their next mission.
"I'm sorry, but as you can see, I have another meeting," he stood and Jack also rose to his feet. Daniel sat quietly, lost in thought. Looking at the distress on Jack's face and the far away look on Daniels, the general gave a heavy sigh.
"Colonel, I am still requiring that Dr. Jackson be under guard. However, I place him and his guard under your command. Take him to the commissary and get him some lunch. I don't think he's seen anything but those VIP rooms, Dr. Frasier's isolation room, and the hallways in between in the past two weeks."
They walked through the halls quietly, Daniel nearly trotting to keep up with Jack's long-legged stride. When Jack noticed, he slowed down, grimacing a little.
"Sorry."
Daniel snorted.
"That is definitely one of the worst things about this," he replied. "I hate being this short. I don't see how Janet stands it."
Then they walked into the commissary and Daniel realized the other thing about being a girl.
As he walked through the room at Jack's side, people began to notice him. They looked him over curiously, noting his armed escort. Noting that he was under Jack's charge. And most importantly, noticing him. Particularly airmen noticing him.
Nope. That was definitely much worse than being as short as Janet.
After years of working with Jack, his first instinct was to get closer to his protector.
Jack felt him crowding his personal space and looked around.
"What?"
"Nothing," Daniel assured him, turned his blushing face away as he went about filling his lunch tray.
They finished in the line and waded back through the crowd to Jack's favorite table in the corner, where Teal'c was already contentedly slicing an apple and sipping his lime water, eyes roaming the room.
Jack slid in next to Teal'c, while Daniel deliberately took the end of the table facing away from most of the crowd.
Jack looked at him sidelong down the table.
"It was not nothing. What gives?"
Daniel blushed all over again and shrugged as he dipped a french fry in ketchup. He wished he had thought of this and just gone back to his quarters to eat. His stomach was twisted into knots, now, imaging the eyes that might be watching him.
Daniel kept his own eyes focused on his plate. "It wasn't anything, Jack." He refused to admit it. Somehow saying it would make it more real.
"Then why did you close up with O'Neill, DanielJackson?" Teal'c asked. He was frowning, Daniel could hear it in his voice.
"Look, it really was nothing, alright! I'm just not used to being someone else yet."
Daniel risked a peek over at Jack, and he was scowling.
"What's that supposed to mean? You keep saying that you are Daniel."
"But no one knows that yet, O'Neill," Teal'c said quietly. Daniel looked over at him, to find his eyes raking the room. "And nearly every airman in the room has noticed DanielJackson and appraised him as a female. I believe the correct phrase would be 'undressed him with their eyes.'" His concerned gaze landed on Daniel, who smiled weakly.
"What?!" Jack hissed, and now his eyes were scouring the room. Daniel couldn't see the reactions of the men behind him, but from the slight curl of Teal'c's lip, he imagined that some airmen must have noticed Jack's territorial attitude and decided to keep their eyes to themselves.
"I think I'm going with the lustful gazes thing as worse than the being short thing," he said lightly, which earned him a smile from Jack. Jack turned his attention back to his lunch. Daniel pretended to eat.
The Asgard had declared that certain markers were present in all clones. It was part of the gradual breakdown of DNA by cloning that had led to the Asgard's current problems.
Daniel had none of them.
The Asgard scientists had also declared that there were always markers left behind when an individual had been genetically altered.
Daniel exhibited most of them.
Therefore, the Asgard declared him to be the "real" Daniel Jackson, radically altered by some form of genetic manipulation.
Which in some ways should be a relief. But oddly, it wasn't. Because as soon as he became the "real" Daniel Jackson, then he had to face the Asgards' bad news.
"Genetic restructuring this broad and complete is entierely beyond our current technology. In many ways, it could be an important step towards solving our own problems with cloning. It could even be the cure we've been hoping for. Unfortunately, though we can assure you that this specimen is your friend, we cannot offer any help in returning him to his original condition or genetic blueprint."
Just so many words for telling him that he was stuck at five feet two inches tall, with tits and a clit and no dick and it was probably permanent.
As he calmly absorbed it all, the stray thought occurred that if somebody was going to do this to him, why the hell couldn't they have fixed his eyes while they were at it?!
To top it all off, Jack was still oozing anger from every pore. As soon as the Asgard had beamed out and their meeting had adjourned, Jack had stomped out of the room and nobody had seen him since.
"You are so outta here!" Sam crowed, as she came bouncing into his quarters.
The look on his face must have tipped her off.
"He is, right?" she said, turning to Janet.
"No, I'm not. But it doesn't matter, because I'd rather not leave, anyway."
"Daniel, this is exactly the reason I think you need a specialist."
"And you know perfectly well that I don't do shrinks anymore. Plus, the specialists in this kind of thing counsel people who think they want to have a sex change. There is no specialist in the world on the topic of a person who has had a perfect, complete change in sex swap against their will."
"I'm not letting you off this base until you agree to get help with this, Daniel! It's going to be a big adjustment for you, and you shouldn't be trying to do it alone," Janet insisted. "I don't care if there aren't any specialists. There are people who can help you keep your sanity. I can recommend really, really good therapists..."
"I already said I'd rather stay here anyway, Janet. Ra and Apophis help me, what the hell am I going to tell my neighbors?!"
"See..." she began again.
"Exactly, Janet. I'm not leaving. I'll move in next to Teal'c."
Sam cleared her throat.
"Janet, a word."
The two women stepped into the suite bathroom. Daniel scowled at how Sam towered over Janet. Sam towered over him, too. He hated it.
He flopped back onto the bed, closing his eyes, and refused to feel guilty for acting like a petulant child. He wasn't going back out into the real world, where no one would know that he was a man. Where guys would flirt with him at the grocery store and "undress him with their eyes" at Starbucks, and try to chat him up at Border's. He just couldn't face it.
He'd rather stay here on base, where everybody knew who he was. Where he could be a headfuck for every new male SGC employee. Where even if his enemies might mock him, at least they knew who he was underneath. He could handle mocking. He could not handle people who just saw him as another pretty little piece of ass. Or even people who saw him as a sweet girl they'd like to buy a cup of coffee. He just couldn't.
No. Just couldn't.
He realized they were standing over him.
"OK, Daniel, here's the deal. You, me and Janet. Girls' night out, couple of nights a week."
"I'm not a girl. And I already said I'm not going out."
"OK. Fine. Not girls' night out, then. Adjustment coaching, from two people who can show you the practical ropes."
"Don't need to know the ropes, Sam. I appreciate the offer, but I'm staying here."
"Daniel," she wheedled.
"Don't bother, Sam," Janet said shortly. "Daniel, you get out from under this mountain and let us help you, or I won't recertify you for field duty. You're not stepping through that Stargate again before I give the go-ahead, and I'm not doing it until I think you can go through there comfortable in your own skin, and not constantly distracted by your own tits. You got it?"
That made Daniel open his eyes and sit up. That thought hadn't actually occurred to him before.
"General Hammond won't recertify me for field duty, anyway," he said uncertainly. Would he? "Besides, Jack won't have anything to do with me on his team."
Janet snorted.
"He will if General Hammond says he will. And I don't see why the colonel wouldn't want you back on SG-1. You and Jack are our first contact team. You need each other. The SGC needs you. General Hammond is dying to put SG-1 back into action. But he won't if I say you're not fit for duty. You can sit here 28 stories underground and translate what your colleagues bring back, and poke at artifacts they found on digs they excavated. You can have dinner in the commissary with Teal'c every night he's not on a mission and he can keep you up to date about what's going on out in the universe. Or you can go yourself. It's your choice."
"Come on, Daniel," Sam encouraged him. "Come upstairs and get some air. We can go to that sushi place you like..."
"No. I cannot go out where every guy from the bartender to the busboy is going to be giving me the hairy eyeball."
Sam smiled encouragingly.
"OK. Then we'll go by the Magic Wok, pick up an obscene amount of cheap Chinese takeout and go back to your place."
Daniel hesitated. Now that he was thinking about going out, he suddenly felt a longing to be under the open sky again and to sleep in his own bed. And he was certain that he couldn't stay under the mountain if Janet wouldn't let him get out through the gate. He'd go crazy. He sighed heavily.
"OK. But somebody has to give me a lift. I came with Janet."
The apartment was approximately how he'd left it, the usual debris of personal paperwork laying around on the coffee table and the least comfortable chair, reference books open on the couch, old newspapers and magazines on the kitchen table. But someone had come in and dealt with the kitchen, which was spotlessly clean. He braced himself to face the fridge, but it had been cleared out and a few of the essentials actually restocked.
He turned in surprise to Janet, who was shoving her way in with an armload of bags that Daniel had noticed in the backseat of her car.
"Did you do this?"
She looked embarrassed.
"Sam and I did it. We thought you would have enough to deal with when you came home."
Daniel leaned against the counter. Two of the most brilliant scientific minds of their time, an astrophysicist of probable Nobel caliber if all her work weren't classified, and a physician and diagnostician unsurpassed, possibly in the galaxy, had cleaned his fridge and washed his moldy old dishes.
He suddenly needed to sit down.
"What's in the bags?" Sam asked, gesturing with her chopsticks.
"Stuff," Janet replied around a mouthful of moo shoo pork.
"Like what?" Daniel asked.
"Like stuff I thought you shouldn't see until you had a good dose of liquid courage." She eyed him warily. Between them they had killed off the first six pack of Tsingdao and were now drinking plum wine. She must have decided he was as courageous as he was going to get at this point.
She opened the first bag, as Sam watched with interest. Daniel was interested, too, but mostly he watched with dread.
"You need new clothes," she stated flatly.
"No I don't," he replied.
"What do you mean, you don't?" Sam laughed. "Everything you have now looks like you stole it from your big brother or your boyfriend. You cannot go around dressed like that."
"I don't see why not," Daniel growled.
"Well, for one reason," Janet said firmly, "If you dress like that you will draw attention to yourself. And it will make you look like an adorable vagabond and you will have the college boys all over you before you know what hit you."
Daniel blanched.
"Maybe I could just steal some BDUs from work," he suggested.
"Ha! Trust me, the attention that would attract would be worse than the college boys," Sam snorted.
Daniel slumped back into the couch and wrapped his arms around himself. He had the terrible feeling that this was just going to get worse and worse.
"Be nice, Sam. Here, pay attention, Daniel, there really is a solution." She opened her first bag. "You just need to dress normally. Of course, guys are going to notice you. It can't be helped. But you can blend in, be subtle, and learn to deal with the attention. It really isn't so bad. Here, look. Jeans."
She tossed them over to him.
"Try them on. I had your measurements from all that data we were collecting. You're just a little slimmer and taller than me. I think those should be just right."
Daniel took them from her and stood, heading for the bedroom.
"Oh give me a break, Daniel. There's no point changing back there. We're all the same now," Sam said, taking a sip of her wine.
"Alright," he said, trying to sound calm and collected, but feeling like the ground was falling out from under him. He decided to blame the alcohol. He uncinched his belt and stepped out of the too long khaki pants he was wearing, only to realize that he had on an old ratty pair of boxers underneath. He reached for the jeans.
"Wait! Hang on. Don’t try them with boxers, they'll look ridiculous."
Janet reached into another bag and, to Daniel's horror, took out a package of Hanes Her Way.
"Oh, don't look at them like that. Here!"
She ripped open the package and flung a pair of black cotton bikini cut panties at him. He caught them by reflex and almost dropped them. He was not supposed to be in possession of women's underwear. He just wasn't.
"You cannot expect me to actually wear these?!" he managed to choke out.
"Well, there's almost no point in wearing those," Janet patiently replied. "They're huge on you, the fly gapes open – everything hangs out. You'll find them very annoying. Wear clothes that work for you Daniel. You'll be happier."
He couldn't deny that she had a point. The boxers had bugged him so much the first day that he had been going commando under his BDUs ever since, and that hadn't been so pleasant either, though he had sort of gotten used to it.
He sighed and with an act of will, shoved the boxers off and quickly slipped the panties on. For some reason he was vaguely surprised that Janet and Sam neither tried to check him out as he changed his clothes, nor burst out laughing at him wearing panties.
He quickly slipped into the jeans.
The fit was perfect. The buttoned up and felt just right.
"I need a mirror," Daniel said.
"Bedroom," Sam agreed, and she and Janet brought the rest of the bags as they followed behind him.
He lifted up his sweater to look at the jeans in the mirror.
Maybe Janet was right. Maybe there was another option. The jeans fit well, but not tightly. They wouldn't attract any undue notice. They were probably the best camouflage he could hope for. In the mirror behind him, Janet held up a simple black t-shirt. He took his sweater off before he thought the better of it and found himself staring at his own bare breasts in the mirror.
He couldn’t stop the blush, but he did manage not to wrap his arms around himself in embarrassment. He just grabbed the shirt from Janet and slipped it on.
That was a bit more of a shock. The t-shirt was fitted, and nipped in at the waist. Unlike the jeans, it did show off his curves. So he went from half naked chick to hot chick in a matter of seconds.
He looked himself over and knew he was never going to be able to pull this off.
"I think I need something stronger than beer," he said, and went back out to the living room.
"If you're going to keep your hair, we're going to have to teach you to put it up," Sam said, eyeing him critically. "The colonel really will never let you out in the field with hair that long."
"There is not enough whiskey in all of Colorado Springs for me to let you braid my hair," Daniel slurred. He had never had great tolerance for a guy, and two shots of Wild Turkey in quick succession had hit him hard. "I'll just cut it off."
"What do you mean, cut it off," Janet asked warily.
"I'll just get my old haircut," Daniel shrugged.
"No!" the women yelped, in unison. The looks of alarm they were giving him made him giggle. That was why he'd cut it in the first place, wasn't it? Because he'd decided that if he was going to be playing soldiers, he'd better get with the program. No more hair in his eyes in the middle of a firefight.
"Did you know how many hearts you broke in my infirmary when you cut your hair?" Janet said wistfully. She had been keeping up with Daniel, and while she probably wasn't quite as drunk yet, she was headed down that road.
Daniel shook his head.
"That's a stupid argument, Janet. You also know just exactly how many heads he turned," Sam said.
"And like I care about that at this point, anyway," Daniel reminded them, gesturing lewdly towards his lap.
Janet snorted.
"You obviously missed the drool all over those jarheads in SG-5 that day. They were all doing post mission physicals when you breezed in. They all had to fold their hands in their laps." She snickered to herself at the memory.
Daniel just stared at her, mouth falling open in shock.
"Janet, I don't think you're helping," Sam admonished her friend.
"And again," Daniel replied, repeating the "no-more-dick" gesture, trying for the hundredth time that evening just to play it cool. But he really didn't need to know that whole male SG teams had been lusting after him en masse even before he had been changed into a woman. Nope. He just didn’t need to know that information.
"Well, I'm protecting you from yourself," Janet declared, pointing an admonishing finger. "You cannot get a man's haircut. You can go back the old floppy hair, but I will not let you scalp yourself. You'll regret it."
Daniel said nothing, just reached for the bottle and poured himself another shot. Sam watched him worriedly.
"I think you might want to back off a little, Daniel," she suggested.
He just eyed her with bleary defiance over the rim of the glass as he gulped the alcohol down.
"We'll take you to the salon this weekend," Janet nodded to herself.
"Hair Cuttery," Daniel insisted.
"Good enough," Sam chirped, whisking the bottle away to the kitchen and coming back with water for Daniel and herself.
"OK, biggest question of the evening," Sam said thoughtfully.
Daniel glared.
"What are you going to call yourself?"
"Daniel?" he suggested, too drunk to really understand her question.
Janet shook her head.
"You can't introduce yourself to strangers as Daniel Jackson. It's too weird."
"Danielle?" Sam suggested. "Daniela?"
"No. No, no, no. Absolutely not. I am not using those stupid names. Daniel is fine. I am not going to be Danielle," he whined the last word, drawing it out scornfully, derision dripping from every syllable.
"Well, you don't have to be mean about it. My best friend in high school was named Danielle. I always thought I might use that for a girl's name, when I had kids."
Sam looked injured. Daniel didn't care.
"I don't care," he repeated aloud. "I'm not changing my name." He crossed his arms in front of his chest and glared at nothing.
"Why don't you just introduce yourself as Dani, then?" Janet suggested, trying to mollify him.
The thought of saying, "Hi, I'm Dr. Dani Jackson" made his stomach turn. Or maybe that was the alcohol. He kept his mouth shut.
"Maybe it's time to go," Sam said after a long awkward silence.
"Maybe," Daniel agreed.
"OK. Plans," said Janet. "We'll come by at 10:00 on Saturday and get you," she said. "You want a haircut and we need to take you to the mall."
"NO!" Daniel leapt up, and immediately regretted it. The room spun and his legs felt weak under him. But he wasn't going to the mall, dammit.
"I'm not going to any damn mall. There's no reason."
"Daniel, a pair of jeans and two t-shirts are not enough clothes. And you have got to buy some shoes," Sam held up a hand to stop his protest. "Not fifty pairs of red spike heels, Daniel. A pair of sneakers. Some Birks. Maybe some hiking boots. Just basics. You cannot go around town in your combat boots. And you are not going to get away without bras. You're too big."
Daniel's head was spinning. He was a tiny little person, but he was too big? He felt ill. Then he realized that he actually was going to be ill. He slapped a hand over his mouth and ran for the toilet. He just made it, puking wretchedly. When he finished, he could smell the vomit and alcohol in his nose, and tears were streaming down his face. And Sam was holding his hair. Which made him cry harder. He sat back on his butt on the bathroom floor to find himself in Sam's warm, comforting, long-armed embrace. She sat with him, shushing him and stroking his hair. It felt wonderful. Soothing. He relaxed into it.
Janet brought him a cold washcloth for his face. She gently wiped his tears away and brushed his hair back from his eyes.
"Are you going to be OK to stand up?" she asked him. He nodded weakly, and she hauled him easily to his feet. Sam undid his jeans and Janet held him steady as he stepped out of them. Then she guided him to the bed.
They lay down with him, holding him, petting his hair. He fell asleep thinking that he was having a pajama party.
He woke up to the smell of coffee and a blinding headache. Sam was already up. Janet was still snoring gently on the side of the bed farthest from the door. She muttered in her sleep as he slipped away.
He walked carefully into the kitchen, as if one small wrong step would jar his throbbing head right off his shoulders.
"I can't believe we all got plastered on a Thursday night," Sam chirped cheerfully as he took a seat at the table, head in his hands. "I feel like I'm back in college!"
"Shhhh," Daniel hissed. "Too loud."
She laughed, not doing the least to be quiet. She placed a cup of coffee in front of him. He just groaned, groping for the coffee cup and gulping the first swallow. She sat down next to him and went back to reading the paper she'd brought in from the front door.
"I don't think I can do this, Sam," he muttered.
"What?"
"You know what. Go about in my normal life being a woman. I don't think I can pull it off."
Sam looked up from her paper, her face all sympathy.
"You know, every girl goes through this when she's 12 or 13. We all had to adjust to having boobs and a lot of us were really awkward in clothes and unhappy about wearing bras and didn't like the attention from boys. You're having a girl's adolescence. You'll adjust, just like we did. And look! You don't have to do it in high school!"
Daniel smiled weakly.
"I have to do it with Jack O'Neill watching. How is that not high school?" he asked.
Sam snorted.
"You want toast?" she replied.
"But I don't know if I want to adjust. I'm a guy. In my head, I'm a man. But I know things are happening to me, and I'm not sure I want to adjust to them."
"For instance?"
"I've never cried because somebody told me I had to go shopping at the mall before. I think the whole evening kind of built up. All the things you and Janet wanted me to do. And then you said 'mall' and I just burst into tears."
"Oh. I thought that was the vomiting..."
"Nope. The mall."
Sam laughed.
"Is that all? How long have you been in this body? Couple of weeks, right? Maybe you're just about to get your period."
Daniel just stared at her in horror. His hands were shaking as he brought the coffee mug back to his mouth for a fortifying swallow.
"No, that's not all," he said. "Though the thought of getting my first period is certainly more than enough."
They were quiet a long time again.
"I don't feel horny in the morning anymore," he finally said bluntly. Sam's eyes went a little wider. "And last night, I slept with you and Janet, and this morning, nothing. Not the slightest bit of interest. And none of what the comedians talk about either. You know – if guys had tits they'd spend all day playing with them. No sexual interest in my own body whatsoever. It's just me. I see my chest in the mirror and mostly I just freak out because I realize all over again that I'm not a guy anymore. But in and of themselves, the breasts are of absolutely zero interest to me."
"Well, maybe that's because they're your breasts?" Sam suggested. "And maybe it's because it was me and Janet. I mean, I've never gotten the feeling you were particularly attracted to me. We've always just been friends and colleagues... Right?"
"So?!" replied Daniel forcefully. "I still got a little twitch from seeing you all bed rumpled and half naked in camp in the morning. You've got great legs and a pretty face. I noticed! Sometimes even felt a little guilty about noticing. God, if we ever go back out in the field together again... Is that what I'm going to be to Teal'c and Jack in the morning? Something easy on the eyes while they drink that crap instant coffee?"
Sam looked distressed. "Is that what I am?"
"Well, no!" Daniel backpedaled. "But like I said, a guy notices these things. And his, you know," Daniel flushed, "his parts notice. And now I don't notice anymore. So I'm thinking that means I'm not attracted to women anymore and that's just," he paused in dismay and confusion, "that's just weird.. I mean last night, you were all over me. Holding me, touching my hair. And all I could think was how nice it felt to have my hair petted. All that touching and not one guilty little thrill? What does that make me, after all?"
Sam obviously didn't know what to say.
"I don't think I can do this, Sam. What will happen if I really adjust? Who am I going to be?"
New clothes. New haircut. Women's underwear.
Daniel signed in at the desk for the first time. He felt ridiculous showing his ID to the airman, who went from watching him with careful and polite interest to startled surprise to slightly pale shock.
My first day as a headfuck, Daniel thought grimly.
But he smiled sweetly and said, "One too many trips through the Stargate, and this could be you." The young man's eyes were wide.
"I'm sorry ma'am... I mean s-s-sir... I mean Dr. Jackson. My instructions are to call Dr. Frasier when you arrive."
"No problem, airman, I can wait."
Janet escorted him to SG-1's ready room.
Daniel heard voices inside and hesitated. Jack and Teal'c. He blushed and leaned against the wall, grateful that Janet didn't feel the need to ask why he didn't just go in.
He sat at his desk staring at his new badge.
He supposed he should be happy that the Pentagon was willing to accept that he was himself. They weren't requiring any changes to his file but the photo.
All he wanted to do was tear up the picture.
On the up side, he had nearly three weeks of backlog to tackle.
Interesting backlog. A new set of artifacts picked up by SG-11 absorbed him all morning. Sam and her lab hadn't been able to figure them out, so they had come to him. They seemed to fit together like a puzzle, but all the pieces were identical and they could be combined and recombined in a huge variety of shapes and sequences. There was writing on them, but not any writing anyone on his team could recognize. So they were sitting on his desk and he spent the morning absorbed in them. They carried him through lunch, and well into the afternoon. A long blissful session of thinking about nothing but the infinite mysteries of a galaxy of interrelated cultures and languages – generations of human thinking.
He'd been working alone in the quiet for hours when Jack arrived.
"Hey," he said softly.
Daniel hadn't even heard him come in. He jumped.
"Hey," he said back, feeling the nervous, twitching smile, which he tried very hard to smooth over before Jack saw it.
Jack's expression was serenely calm. His eyes blank and unreadable. His body language all business.
The Daniel of the first Abydos mission was back, and meeting with that old, closed Jack. Daniel swallowed hard and turned back to his artifacts.
"So what are they?" Jack asked, as if they were just chatting over some new discovery and not talking alone for the first time in weeks.
Daniel could do convenient amnesia. He could do calm and professional. Easy.
"I don't know. Sam is sure it they do something," Daniel began.
"Yeah. It apparently gives off energy signatures in certain configurations, but she can't figure out why. She was hoping you would get something from the inscriptions."
Daniel just continued to move and reshape the blocks, watching Jack in his peripheral vision. Jack usually didn't cut to the chase so abruptly. No banter for Daniel anymore? No teasing? He swallowed again.
"I don't recognize any of it. I just wanted to see if I could figure anything out by working with the pieces themselves."
"Doesn't sound like the greatest idea to me. You could be playing with a kids' toy that'll light up with pretty colors in the right combination. But you could be putting together a handy, portable explosive device that'll go boom when you get it right."
Daniel carefully put down the piece he was about to insert into the new structure he had built.
"Not to be rude, but did you want something?" he asked, trying not to sound snippy.
"Yes, actually," said Jack blandly. "Frasier's signed off on you and Hammond wants you back out in the field."
"Great. When's the next mission?" Daniel asked.
"I want you to do basic at the Alpha site first," Jack said.
Daniel felt the anger come quickly, and he tried to keep it out of his voice as he answered.
"Why? I've been going into combat situations for years now. And I'm a civilian consultant. Is this so if I fail you can have a good reason to kick me out of your unit?"
Daniel braced himself for the fight. But it didn't come.
"Nah. If that were it, I'd have kicked you off years ago. You've always been hopeless." But the tone of voice and the little shy smile took the sting out of the words.
"Well, you taught me everything I know, so I think the blame for my hopelessness falls to you," Daniel replied tartly.
"Except you're a natural with that damned Beretta. Couldn't have taught you that," another shy smile.
And to his horror, Daniel felt a little tummy flop that he should never have felt just because Jack was smiling at him.
Then Jack was giving him the blank eyes again, and the smile was gone.
"I don't really care if you pass or fail, actually. You've been in that new bod, what, less than a month? You're used to being 10 inches taller and probably 80 pounds heavier. You're used to a longer reach, a man's upper-body strength, and much bigger hands. I want you to get an opportunity to get acclimatized to the new digs in the company of friendly jarheads and airmen rather than under enemy fire. That's it. No ulterior motive. And no matter what the instructors say, you're SG-1. I just want to be sure you know your way around the neighborhood before I put you in harm's way."
Daniel couldn't tell if Jack meant it or not – that he wanted Daniel back and didn't care about the training. He knew that this Jack, the old Jack, the Jack from the first Abydos mission knew perfectly well how to say exactly the right words at exactly the right time and give nothing away.
Still, what Jack was proposing made a certain amount of sense.
"OK," he said, shrugging.
"Great, the next group of kids goes out at 1800. Carter's gonna help you requisition your supplies."
He ducked out before Daniel could splutter his outraged protest that it was all of 1500 already.
Captain Whyte seemed like a nice enough guy. Daniel sat across from him at the mess table.
"Colonel O'Neill says not to go easy on you, but I understand that this is an outing for you to get used to battlefield conditions in your new body?"
"Yeah, that's about it. I'm trying to see this as a sensible precaution and not just tedious and annoying as hell," Daniel said.
"Well, at the colonel's request, I'm taking you out in my own unit. He says you'll be great, actually. I'm figuring he's probably right. The only unit with more combat time than SG-1 is SG-5, and they're a bunch of freakin' jarheads."
Daniel tried not to be flattered by the offhanded compliments. They ate in awkward silence for a while.
"So, do you want the kids to know who you are?" Whyte finally asked him.
Daniel thought about it. He could just be little Dani Jackson, a new civilian scientist-type, keep to himself, and not have to offer any explanations or make any small talk about anything. But anyone who knew anything about the SG program was going to pick up on the name anyway. He couldn't see going to the trouble to create a whole fake identity for a bunch of new recruits who were going to know who he was sooner or later anyway.
He shrugged.
"Why not? I can be an object lesson in the dangers of Gate travel and space exploration." He smiled. "One of the few benefits of the new persona. I love those seconds when the airman who's been imagining dragging me off to the nearest store room for a quickie suddenly realizes that I'm the guy who lost his dick in a freak, yet-to-be-explained, Gate-related incident."
The captain chuckled as he stood up to leave.
"Well, not everybody spooks so easily. Listen, I know this must be tough. If there's anything I can do to help you get used to the new situation, let me know. My tent flap's always open, and I'm a broad-minded guy."
And to Daniel's amazement, he gave him a flirty wink before turning on his heel and walking off.
The training was as tedious and boring as Daniel expected. But more painful. Mainly because of new boots. Never a good idea to wear new boots on a long mission, but Daniel didn't have any old broken-in ones to wear.
Capt. Whyte didn't make any other overtures, much to Daniel's relief. Though he did make a point of sitting near Daniel by their evening fires and arranging the watch schedule so that Daniel always had to go into his tent and wake him. Daniel knew it was a subtle invitation. But he never accepted it.
Not that Whyte was a bad looking guy. Not that he was particularly bad company. Daniel liked him well enough. And Daniel had to admit that he was curious. But the idea that he could be caught out, on a training mission, getting fucked for the first time by the man who was technically his CO... God, he would never be able to face anyone in the SGC again. Never. And he suspected that once Jack learned the story, Capt. Whyte would mysteriously disappear in the wilds beyond the Alpha site, and no one would ever find the body.
The training was boring, like an unpleasant walk in the woods. They had encounters with Air Force "Jaffa," practicing against their fighting styles and weapons. The team had surveillance assignments, search and rescue, some technology retrieval. Daniel was along for the ride, and as the team's civilian advisor, he offered advice when appropriate, and kept his head down when ordered. Jack wouldn't have recognized him, he thought with mild amusement, doing exactly as he was told.
Their night camps remained undisturbed, though. Aside from having to take a watch shift, Daniel slept soundly. But he knew there would be a night attack. He was certain. He dreaded it, but that was the nature of training, wasn't it?
By chance, it was Daniel's new body that saved the day. He absolutely could not sleep through the night anymore without one trip to the toilet. His bladder invariably woke him up at about 2am. So on nights when he had the last watch, he would drag himself out of his warm sleeping bag with a flashlight, and go find a nice, dark spot in the woods to take a piss.
This night was one of those nights. By reflex, he snagged his training weapon, a paint gun type toy the size of a handgun, but didn't even bother to properly tie his boots. Just groggily followed his flashlight beam out into the woods.
He had done his business, and was starting his zombie-like stumble through the cool darkness back to his tent, when he heard the low voices and shuffle of bodies moving through the underbrush. Daniel shoved his flashlight under his jacket, soundlessly switching it off. Even though he knew this was just an exercise, his heart was already racing. He didn't think his light had given him away.
He crouched down and struggled with his laces, cursing in his head. There was no way he could communicate with Lt. Rice, who was currently on watch. They were close enough that the sound of Rice's radio would carry clearly through the night, and the attack would crash down. The attackers were between him and the camp already. But he had his weapon and the element of surprise. If he could be quiet enough, he could use that.
He slipped through the brush as quietly as possible, one of the many things he had discovered were actually easier when one was shorter and lighter with smaller feet. He came up on the group. He counted eight dark forms. Three were being directed to take up positions around the perimeter of the small camp while the other five went in to take out the guard and surprise the sleeping enemy.
Eight to one. Daniel wasn't sure he could pull that off. Particularly since his current weapon only had six shots. He would need to rearm to complete the job.
He decided to follow one of the Jaffa sent to guard the perimeter. One went right, two went left. He followed the one that went alone.
As soon as they were far enough from the others to prevent them from hearing the action of his weapon, Daniel took the kill shot to the back of the Jaffa's head. His victim gave a muffled grunt and quiet curse at the sting of the paintball, and another annoyed comment as the paint ran down his neck. Daniel paused to shake the dead man's hand, took his weapon, then went scurrying around the clearing to meet the second sentry.
He dispatched the second man just as easily. He sat back with a sigh against a tree and made himself comfortable to watch the rest of the exercise.
The weapon he had taken from his first kill was longer with a little better range than his own handgun, though Daniel knew that these toys wouldn't behave quite as he would expect from a real firearm. On the other hand, the rules of engagement gave him some leeway. All he had to do was hit the torso, and it was a kill.
He took a bead down the barrel of the weapon and took his first shot.
"So, I hear you saved the day," Jack said as they walked toward SG-1's ready room. Daniel grunted. He was tired and ready to sleep in a bed again. He had left as soon as the exercises were complete, skipping the debrief. No one had objected. He felt a small amount of guilt, as he probably could have been an important part of the education of these newest SGC members.
But he absolutely couldn't face it.
He'd just gotten his period.
Being back on SG-1 finally should have been a return to normalcy. Except it wasn't. In his briefings, Daniel stood across the table from a cool, dead-eyed Jack, who listened patiently, quietly, and professionally to Daniel's lecture - not one joke, immature comment or gusty sigh to be heard.
Nothing.
And Jack still wasn't looking at him. Daniel hated that. Hated how Jack's eyes would slide away just over his shoulder, or to one of their colleagues. But never quite looking at Daniel.
They couldn't go on like this. They were friends. Daniel couldn't lose someone as important as Jack over something that wasn't his fault.
But the day Daniel got the nerve to try to actually talk to Jack, try to force the issue, Jack was out of the room as soon as they were dismissed, and lost in the tunnels of the complex before Daniel could catch up with him.
He swore so loudly that a passing airman looked up, startled. Luckily, he didn't speak goa'uld, or he might have fainted dead away, Daniel thought, rolling his eyes.
"Daniel!" Sam called from behind him, catching him up. "Get some lunch with me?"
Daniel couldn't understand why Sam insisted on bringing their trays back to his office.
"So why can't we talk in the mess?" he asked as they settled down across the lab table from each other.
He reached for his glass.
"Put it down," Sam warned him. He sighed in annoyance. Obviously she didn't want him to snort his soda. This couldn't be a good sign.
"You need to talk to Janet about birth control," she announced.
"No, I definitely don't," said Daniel with a laugh, reaching for his glass in relief, knowing he was safe after all.
"Yes, you do, Daniel," she insisted. "We're going out in the field."
"Which suggests I need to worry about birth control even less," he replied, starting on his sandwich.
She shook her head.
"And what happens if we meet a bunch of hostiles, the mission goes bad, and you fall into the hands of the enemy. Ugly reality of combat for the female soldier. Rape is always a real, nasty possibility."
Daniel hesitated mid-chew. Then tried to go on fearlessly.
"Rape is a real possibility for every prisoner," he tried, but he already knew she was right.
"When was the last time we were captured and the first thing you worried about was the nearest Jaffa's dick?" Sam replied calmly. "Plus, even if a guy does get raped, he's not going to get pregnant from it. Extra bonus of being a woman."
The conversation was turning Daniel's stomach. He set his sandwich down carefully and forced himself to swallow.
"Not to mention," Sam continued, "that if it were ever a decision for me between using my 'feminine wiles' to stay alive a few hours longer and maybe get rescued, I'd like to be able to choose between rape and death without having to add in the possibility of having a little Jaffa baby in nine months."
"OK, OK, I get it," Daniel muttered. "We have two days. I'll talk to Janet this afternoon."
And so, with his new Ortho Evera patch on the same hip as his Beretta, wearing his new broken-in boots and women's underwear, with his boonie and a lot of sunscreen, he stepped through the Stargate with SG-1 again. And it was great.
Though he really, really hated being the shortest.
It was good to be in the field again. Good to get lost in work again. Oddly, working again made it easier to ignore all the changes. Ignore Jack's distance, despite the fact that he spent so much time with him. Ignore his own new body, despite it's new impact on diplomacy and his performance under fire. Doing these things that he loved let him rise above it all and just be himself again.
But on the edges of this new level of personal adjustment, Daniel knew that the team was suffering. Jack hadn't just shut down to Daniel. He extended the same cool, professionalism to Teal'c, as well. Something was going on there, Daniel was sure of it. Teal'c didn't give much away, but people who knew Teal'c well knew how to read his body and facial expressions and Daniel knew Teal'c as well as anyone but Bra'tac. Teal'c and Jack had been fighting over something. It wasn't resolved. Teal'c was angry, and so was Jack. Daniel suspected it had something to do with himself, but he tried not to be so self-absorbed. If they weren't going to mention it to him, they could work it out for themselves.
And so things settled down. Missions. Briefings. Work. All more or less like it used to be.
Just with more evenings hanging out with Janet and Sam.
And completely without Jack.
"So anyway, I was hoping maybe it would look familiar to you," said Daniel. Teal'c trailed him through the door to his office. Daniel swooped around the desk in full discovery mode. He had found what he thought was the key to that stupid puzzle he had worked on his first day back, in a new parchment SG-11 had found in their latest dig, but he wasn't familiar with the dialect. He was anxious for Teal'c to see it. Daniel was sure they would have the puzzle solved by the end of the day.
But his desk wasn't as he had left it.
The parchment was right there, carefully unrolled and mounted, with plexi-glass over the top. But sitting on top of the protective cover were two boxes. One, about the size of a shirt box, wrapped. The second, a heart-shaped box of chocolates. On top was a single coral-colored rose. And a card.
Daniel blinked at the stack of gifts stupidly.
"It would appear you have an admirer," said Teal'c with the glimmer of a smile.
"Huh. Um. Yeah," Daniel replied. He sat down on the stool and stared at the items.
"Shall I?" asked Teal'c, amusement in his voice now, as he reached for the card.
Daniel snatched it away before Teal'c could see. If Capt. Whyte had lost his mind, Daniel certainly didn't want word to get back to Jack.
God, what if it's Jack, he thought irrationally. He put the card in the breast pocket of his BDUs and shoved the chocolates aside. He would put off the bad news by opening the present. Teal'c raised a disapproving eyebrow.
Daniel slipped his fingers under the tape and pulled the paper off the box. He lifted the lid and folded back the tissue paper.
He dropped it back onto the table, feeling a little faint.
Teal'c gently lifted the fabric from the box.
"He seems to have confused you with Major Carter," Teal'c said solemnly. He shook out the folds and held out a delicate cotton sundress. White with an all-over pattern of twining ivy and roses. It had broad straps that would fall to cap his shoulders. The cut of the bust looked modest, low enough to show some skin, but probably no cleavage, with a scalloped neckline to emphasize curves but reveal little. The bodice was princess seamed and the skirt was full.
"He's a fucking idiot, if he thinks I'm putting that on," Daniel muttered. He finally pulled the card from his pocket and stared at it hard before taking a deep breath and flipping it open.
He stormed into Sam's lab, the box of candy crushed into the box with the dress, so all that he appeared to carry under his arm was a plain white package.
Teal'c was still following him quietly. His posture had changed, from scholarly colleague and amateur linguist to bodyguard. He'd always found it both disturbing and reassuring when Teal'c did that. Jack did it, too, the quick switch, but Jack never really started at scholarly colleague, so it was less noticeable.
Daniel thumped the gifts down onto the worktable next to Sam's computer and lay the card on the keyboard
"I'm no expert on the relationships between male and female military personnel. If you got this card, what would you think?" he asked.
Sam eyed the box curiously, but picked up the card and read it.
"SG-5?!" she exclaimed.
Daniel hushed her in a panic, watching Teal'c out of the corner of his eye.
"Would you keep it down?! So what would you think?"
"I'd think I just got invited to provide sexual services to the entire unit. You can't tell me you missed the subtle invitation," she said. She was scowling. She pushed back the lid on the box.
"So what do I do? Is this going to be a problem?"
"What you do is you tell them 'no' in no uncertain terms. You've got to be sure they understand there's no chance in hell, or you're never going to hear the end of this."
"But that's it, right?"
Sam shrugged.
"Probably. I might be more worried in a different command, but the SGC's small, the personnel are elite, and in general we're probably too closely monitored for it to be more than an annoyance."
Daniel slumped into the other computer chair, only to notice that Teal'c was gone.
He swore and jumped up, grabbing the box as he left.
Teal'c caught Jack hard by the arm as Jack passed him going in the other direction.
"Please accompany me, O'Neill," he said, in his most menacing voice. Daniel was far behind them and Teal'c was moving in a fury. He didn't want to draw attention to himself by running flat out after them. He scowled and tried to keep up at least.
"What's up, T?" Jack asked lightly, falling easily into step with the Jaffa.
"It might be best if you did not know the details. All I require is your presence."
"When we get there, should I go for a dangerous-killer-type expression? Or are we good cop, bad cop today?"
"Cold and deadly might be most appropriate."
They were two corners ahead of him now, though Daniel could hear Jack's amused comments and Teal'c's angry, measured replies drifting back to him.
Then he lost them.
"Wow. Dr. Jackson didn't strike me as the type to run and tattle. It was just a couple of small presents and a friendly offer."
Daniel had found them again. He was standing outside Col. Harper's office, but Jack and Teal'c had beaten him there. Now he didn't know what to do. He jumped at the feel of a hand on his shoulder.
It was Sam. She shook her head at him.
"Now that they've started, let them work it out," she whispered. "Do you really want to have to pick a side in there, or have a fight with the colonel and Teal'c in front of Harper? Just let them beat their chests. Then you can have a civilized conversation with Harper and you can kick our guys' asses later.
Daniel leaned against the wall. He'd missed Teal'c's response.
"Well, then who are you to come in here and speak for him?" Harper sounded angry.
"Major Carter advises that you must be informed in no uncertain terms that DanielJackson is not interested in your advances. Therefore I am here in the capacity of the person who is going to separate your overactive private parts from the rest of your body if you approach DanielJackson again. You would do well to accept that as an unequivocal rejection," Teal'c rumbled in reply.
"And what about you, Jack? Are you going to stand there and let a man under your command threaten a fellow officer?"
"He's a foreign civilian military advisor," Jack said mildly. Daniel could almost hear the shrug. "Technically, T's not subordinate to me. Though officer to officer, I feel like I should say that you really need to work on relationship-building with the civilian staff."
"Dr. Jackson's under a lot of stress. We were only trying to be friendly. No harm intended."
"I'm sure that's the case," Jack replied.
"So what are you doing here, then, if you're not backing your alien buddy?"
"I'm here to tell you not to fuck with my archaeologist," Jack said mildly.
Daniel wanted to scream in frustration. But his heart was skipping beats. He was going to blame that on adrenaline. It had nothing to do with being "Jack's" anything.
Daniel and Sam ducked out of the way as Teal'c and Jack strode out of the room.
"You want me to come in with you?" Sam asked tentatively, after they had stood there pressed into the alcove for a few minutes.
"Hmmmm?" Daniel replied distractedly. "Oh! No, I'd rather do this myself, actually. Your name's already come up. I don't want to make this any worse than it already is. I just want to give the guy a couple of minutes. I'd be pretty shaken up if Teal'c had just threatened to rip my balls off."
Sam chuckled.
"Well, then, I'm going back to work."
"You don't want to back me up when I go to Jack's office?"
"Nope," she said definitely. "Let's not turn this into the girls against the boys. If you go on your own, it can be boys only."
"Yeah, right," said Daniel. He shut his eyes and let his head rest back against the wall as he listened to Sam's light steps retreating down the hall.
He stood there a long time. Then he gritted his teeth and knocked on Harper's door.
After a long hunt, he finally found Teal'c and Jack boxing. That meant Jack was pissed about something. And maybe Teal'c was, too. The Jaffa looked like he was landing the punches a little harder than usual.
As the doors opened, the two fighters turned to see who had come in. They paused for breath when they saw it was him. Daniel looked at Teal'c.
"I cannot believe you did that to me," he said quietly.
"I did what needed to be done for your protection, DanielJackson."
He turned to Jack.
"And I cannot believe you let him do it. Not to mention that you helped."
"Daniel, a unit of Marines invited you to a gang bang. I think we did the right thing."
Daniel was quickly going from angry and embarrassed to completely furious.
"Jack. They gave me candy, a dress and a rose, not flavored condoms, a corset, and handcuffs," he snarled. "I can handle the candy and cards threats without backup, thanks."
"Major Carter said the refusal must be without doubt, DanielJackson. I do not believe that a woman of your stature would be able to take away all doubts in the minds of four persistent and hopeful warriors." Teal'c's voice was apologetic and his expression respectful, but for some reason that was just making Daniel more angry.
Teal'c turned from him to raise his guard against Jack, who was again bouncing on the balls of his feet, looking for a good opening.
"Did it ever occur to the two of you that I might want some kind of sex life?" Daniel practically shouted. That got a startled look from both of them, though Jack was alert enough that he took a quick jab while Teal'c was distracted. And Teal'c was alert enough to deflect it. Daniel wanted to hit them both. He stepped between them, slaping hard against Jack's extended gloves.
"Maybe," Daniel was yelling now, "Maybe I wanted to screw SG-5! And maybe I still will! It's my problem and you both need to keep your mouths shut and your egos in check the next time I get a little romantic attention. Neither one of you is fucking me, and until you are, who I might or might not spread my legs for is none of your concern. Got it?"
Teal'c looked appalled.
Jack was giving him the dead eyes again.
"You got it, Daniel. Just trying to help out."
Daniel's fingers curled into a fist. He needed to hit something. He turned and slammed hard into the punching bag by the door, giving a frustrated yell. Then he left, not quite running, heart racing, trying very hard to hold back the tears of frustration that came so easily to the surface in this new body. There were people in the corridor outside, several of them turning shocked eyes on him as he walked rapidly down the corridor, rubbing newly bruised knuckles.
Daniel didn't know what to think the day that Jack slouched into his lab, hands deep in his pockets, peering with his old interest at various things on the shelves and worktable. Since the incident with Col. Harper, he and Jack hardly spoke at all while planetside. Just business, and usually just in the briefing room, under General Hammond's watchful and concerned eye.
Teal'c had apologized the same day and Daniel had admitted that he understood Teal'c's motivations, and all had been well. But Jack had just disappeared. Daniel could have believed he'd transferred completely off the base.
Now here he was, standing in Daniel's space, a friendly menace to artifacts hundreds and thousands of years old. The last time Jack had done this, it had been to persuade Daniel to go to play at the Alpha site. Daniel couldn't help feeling a little burst of anger that Jack was back, probably to ask Daniel for something else.
Plus his gut did that little flip-flop it had done that last time, too. Daniel tried very hard to hold onto the anger as a defense against it.
Jack was a guy. Daniel was a guy. Daniel didn't get little flip-floppy feelings in his belly about guys.
"Did you need something, Jack?" he asked.
Jack looked over, and there was that shy smile again. That same one from that other time. Daniel felt himself getting warmer.
"Nope. Just came down to see how it was going."
"Same as always. Translations. Old junk. You know," he said, giving Jack a flickering smile in response.
"Good to know some things never change."
Daniel turned back to his computer. It had been months now, but somehow, that statement from Jack, in this conversation, hurt as much as Jack's disbelief had hurt in that first meeting in the VIP suite.
"Look, I'm sorry for being such a jerk," Jack said tentatively. He was standing right behind Daniel now. He brought his hands to rest on Daniel's shoulders. Daniel almost leaped out of his skin. Jack must have noticed, couldn't have missed it, but he didn't move his hands, just began kneading and massaging Daniel's neck and upper back.
"That's an excellent way to apologize," murmured Daniel. "That feels wonderful."
Jack's hands on him for the first time since the change. Daniel had never realized how much he had adjusted to Jack's constant body contact until Jack had stopped. In fact, his reaction was so strong that Daniel wondered if it wasn't something new for him, to go with his new female hormones and new female perspectives.
Maybe this part of his relationship meant something completely different to the woman in him that it did to the man. His gut twisted again. He tried to go with the flow.
"Well, I didn't actually come down here to be your personal masseur," Jack said, but made no move to stop. "Teal'c says, 'The situation is intolerable.'" Jack intoned.
Daniel snorted.
"Situation?"
"The above-referenced jerkiness," Jack said. He sounded completely serious.
"Yeah, well."
"I really am sorry, Daniel. This whole thing has been pretty hard for me to accept. And I guess that just makes me an idiot, since you seem to have adjusted OK. Teal'c's right. It's stupid that I can have more trouble with this than you."
Then his hands were gone with a whispering brush of his fingers over Daniel's neck.
Daniel swallowed hard, and pushed his hair back from his eyes. He glared at Jack who was wandering around the lab table to sit on the stool across from him.
"Six months, Jack. Half a year. That's a long damn time to come to terms."
Daniel saw a flash of anger, carefully covered. So, Jack was still angry and still in control. He had touched Daniel and said a couple of nice things and made Daniel feel those weird emotions, but he was still sitting over there, being angry and lying about it.
"If the only reason you came down here is because Teal'c sent you, then I really wish you would just go away. We have a perfectly acceptable working relationship. What do I care if you can't get past this thing that's happened to me? You're not hurting my feelings. Go tell Teal'c that there are no fences to mend."
He stood and turned his back to Jack, going to shuffle through his stack of parchments and scrolls.
"Daniel, come on," Jack said quietly. "I'm trying to apologize, here."
"Well, apologize and get out. I have things to do," snapped Daniel.
"Alright. Daniel, I’m really sorry it's taken me so long to get a grip. Come over to my place tomorrow afternoon. I'll make steaks, we can watch the game. We can try to get drunk enough to cry and hug and promise never to be mean to each other again."
Daniel glared at him, even as he felt his heart completely melting.
"Go away. I'll think about it."
Jack looked taken aback. Then he shrugged and stood, shoved his hands back in his pockets, and slouched back out of the office again.
It was true enough that before his unexpected sex swap, Daniel's love life hadn't been particularly active. Not enough time on Earth, for one thing. Not enough socializing outside of work. Too much work and too interesting. However, while he might not bring it up in polite company, he didn't go many nights without an orgasm. It might not be as good or wonderful or fulfilling as having a lover, but it was easy, it wasn't bad and it was almost a habit, bringing himself off, then drifting to sleep, sometimes with his softening dick still in his hand.
It had been the better part of six months, now, since Daniel had gotten off. Not that he hadn't tried. After he'd gotten more adjusted to his new body, he really had been curious. But he'd tried touching, stroking, squeezing, caressing and he'd gotten exactly nowhere. Sure, he'd learned the lay of the land, as it were, but he couldn't get the slightest tingle of arousal. He just couldn't pull it off.
For one thing, none of his old fantasies worked. Not even that really nasty one where he and Sam had both been snaked and taken over the SGC. The one where they went to the infirmary with an eye towards revenge for all the post-mission indignities inflicted on them by one Dr. Janet Frasier, and they made her take off her clothes and put on a gown and lie down on one of her own hospital beds and strapped her wrists into the leather restraints and then fucked her and licked her and bit her and sucked her and rode her for hours til she passed out from sheer exhaustion.
Not even that one.
But he wasn't quite well-adjusted enough yet to try new fantasies.
Like the one that would pop up at the oddest moments. He couldn't get SG-5 out of his head. Sometimes he would be working on something and it would come up that SG-5 had been involved and he would have a vision of himself naked under the fully-clothed body of Col. Harper, being crushed into a sleeping bag, other hot eyes on their fucking. It was a flash, a split second fantasy that he would just stop thinking about. He refused to pick it up and play out the threads of a daydream where he got tag-teamed by four Marines in a tent offworld somewhere.
There were tamer fantasies he could have tried out. He would think sometimes of Capt. Whyte's smile in the flicker of firelight. Or his ruffled hair when Daniel woke him for his watch.
There were more dangerous possibilities, too. He knew perfectly well what Teal'c looked like in the shower, droplets of water and streaks of white soap suds over dark skin and perfect muscle.
Six months, and he had steadfastly refused to try a single one of these fantasies.
Six months and a little touching from Jack, and he was suddenly, achingly desperate to make one of them work.
He knew what Jack looked like in the shower, too, after all.
That evening, he let himself think. Whatever came into his head. To his own surprise, the first thought that came, as he was looking through the fridge trying to decide what to fix for dinner, was how nice it had been to just sit by the fire and talk with Capt. Whyte. Over the last few months, he had often thought back fondly to those evenings, and he had come to believe that the reason was that Whyte knew exactly who Daniel was, and was open-minded enough to want him anyway. For once, Daniel stopped fighting those thoughts. Seriously tried to imagine what it might have been like on one of those changes in watch, to just crawl into that warm small space. But that was as far as his imagination would go. Maybe he had conditioned himself. He was blushing. But he was also getting somewhere. He felt warm and alive and anxious. Just like he would as he was getting a hard on. Definitely getting somewhere.
SG-5 turned up as he was just finishing the dishes and heading for the bedroom. For some reason, that mental image of a rough tumble was easier than the love-making promised by the Whyte fantasy. He could imagine fucking pretty clearly, and he tried to imagine the other side of it. He shoved the covers of the unmade bed aside, and arranged a comfortable nest of pillows. Stripped off trying to imagine other, larger hands on his clothes and body. Tried to imagine people touching him, murmuring to him, maybe talking and laughing to each other as they enjoyed the feel of his skin and pressed themselves against him. Tried to imagine mouths on his neck, his back, his ass, his breasts.
And it was working. As he moved about the room he felt slick and lubricated, hot and damp. It was strange, but it felt good. Better than good, so similar to and so different from what it had been like before. It was building into an urgent need to be touched. He settled in amongst the pillows, so that he was half sitting and comfortable.
Almost on cue, SG-5 disappeared, and all he could see in his mind's eye was Jack, hands in his pockets, eyes down, hesitant, apologetic smile. Daniel didn't waste time with preliminaries. He ran his hand down his belly immediately to run his fingers over the wetness of his cunt.
This was definitely better than his other attempts. He couldn't control the small movements of his hips. He was thoroughly slick. He knew this from the other side, from the side of the male lover who wanted to sink his cock into a soft, warm, delicious spot, and the sudden awareness that he was ready to be taken and used sent a shudder through him. He gasped and moaned, shifting his fingers restlessly. His body was ready for a cock, and his mind's eye conjured the image of Jack, warm and wet in the hot shower, dick half hard, then the real memory warped into a fantasy Jack, above him, throbbing, leaking pre cum, and that was the final piece. Daniel's orgasm took him unexpecting, sweeping out through him, curling his toes, arching his back, stiffening his knees. It lasted a remarkably long time, until he couldn't bear to continue rubbing himself, and he stopped, lying limp on the now sweat damp pillows.
OK. That was different.
He felt warm and relaxed and still horny as hell. He imagined that he could go again, but he wasn’t sure how that would work, exactly. He reached over to grab the covers he had shoved aside. His last thoughts before falling asleep were that masturbation was a lot less messy this way, and it would be a lot easier to manage privately when sleeping inches away from somebody else in a tent.
He dreamed that he was sharing with Teal'c. In the dream he was running his fingers over his clit and being very quiet.
"You should not touch yourself, DanielJackson, when there are others ready to help you find completion," Teal'c said, quiet reproof in his voice.
In his dream, Daniel groaned. Teal'c knowing only made him wetter.
"DanielJackson, you must cease. O'Neill will be here in a moment," said Teal'c sternly, and he lifted the sleeping bag aside to expose Daniel's naked skin to the warm, damp night air. He caught Daniel's wrists and pulled them gently but firmly away from his body. Daniel whined in protest, squirming pathetically.
Teal'c sighed. He transferred Daniel's wrists to one hand, and with the other, began kneading Daniel's left breast, stopping to pinch and play with the nipple, then passing a broad possessive palm down Daniel's belly and wetting his fingers in Daniel's pussy.
As Teal'c began rubbing with two broad fingers, Daniel knew he wasn't going to last much longer. He noticed that Teal'c was naked and aroused and saw hunger in his friend's dark eyes.
"He's a hot little slut, isn't he T?" Jack purred from somewhere near Daniel's feet. The spike of lust that went through him made Daniel buck his hips in anticipation.
"You've done all this work now," Jack continued. Daniel saw he was naked, too. "I think you should fuck him. Do you wanna share?"
"Indeed, O'Neill. It was most delightful when we tried it with SamanthaCarter."
And with no further ceremony, Teal'c scooped Daniel into his lap, and settled him onto his erect cock. Daniel gasped and clung to the big man's shoulders, as Teal'c wrapped long arms around him, spreading his buttocks for Jack's convenience. Teal'c was huge, and so was the blunt tip of Jack's dick, pressing against his hole.
The dream orgasm woke him to a gray pre-dawn light. His body was vibrating, his pussy throbbing maddeningly. Holding the image of the dream, he reached down and brought himself off again.
As he lay there panting, he wondered how difficult this new-found ability was going to make his life.
He muddled through the morning, and all he could think about was Jack. He knew what it felt like to be hugged by Jack. But his mind wandered to what it would feel like now, how those long arms would not just embrace him, but enfold him. How Jack's chest would block out the rest of the world. How Jack might smell. How his laughter would sound, reverberating in his chest.
Daniel couldn't make it stop this morning, either. He had been shutting down these kinds of fantasies easily for months, but by mid-morning, Daniel flopped back on his sofa, and set his laptop on the coffee table. He undid his jeans and spread his legs, slipping his hand inside his panties and finishing himself off as quickly as he could manage.
As he wiped his sticky fingers on his belly, he was close to panic. He was supposed to be spending the afternoon with Jack. How was he supposed to do that, when just thinking about Jack was causing these kinds of reactions? What would it be like to be alone with him?
Daniel took a deep, shaky breath and went to take a shower.
He couldn't be thinking like this about Jack. Maybe he could get past it. Jack wasn't the only guy that Daniel found attractive. Now that he was getting the hang of it, he was sure he could fill in other faces and personalities.
But he had the frightening feeling that this wasn't just the effect of using Jack as a mastubatory fantasy.
This felt like a crush. This had the intensity of falling head-over-heels for a pretty girl friend.
Daniel wondered if in the past 24 hours he had fallen for Jack.
That hardly seemed possible, but as he rinsed the shampoo from his hair and bent down to shave his legs, he knew with absolute certainty that what he was feeling was the first delicious, heady rush of love.
He swore and flung the soap at the back wall of the shower.
They sat comfortably in opposite corners of the couch, each with a beer in hand. Jack did say that their goal would be to get drunk enough to cry and hug, but Daniel had thought it was a joke. Now he wasn't so sure. And he had definitely had enough beer to get him hugging things. But Jack hadn't, so they had sat down to watch something. The remote still lay in the middle of the coffee table. Neither of them had reached for it.
Daniel took a tiny sip of his beer, hoping at least not to embarrass himself by vomiting in Jack's front hall bathroom. The evening had gone much more easily than he had expected. Getting out of the privacy of his own home, or possibly the fact that he had already had four orgasms since 9:00 or so the evening before, seemed to have dampened down his out-of-control hormones.
And the afternoon with Jack had been like other afternoons from before. Easy. They laughed. They bickered. They ate steak Jack made and potato salad Daniel brought. Daniel couldn't believe what a relief it was to see Jack smiling again, if not completely at ease.
Daniel wondered exactly why that was? Why Jack still seemed so unsettled? He tried not to let his own thoughts from the morning's shower color his judgment about what might be going on in Jack's head.
But they had been so close for so long. What if Jack was having the same experience Daniel was having, but just from the other side? What if Jack was getting himself off at night imagining Daniel in his arms?
And what if Jack had been fighting it for a long time? Maybe from the very beginning?
Daniel watched Jack twirling his bottle between his fingers, and he wondered if that was the reason Jack wouldn't look at him anymore.
"Had any more trouble with SG-5?" Jack asked, his attempt to make the question sound casual when it really wasn't was painfully obvious.
Daniel snorted.
"I never had any problem with SG-5, Jack. You did."
Jack sat quietly. He looked thoughtful and far away. Daniel felt a terrible urge to touch that pensive face, draw those dark eyes back to himself.
Yes. He definitely wanted that. He shifted around so that his back was to the arm of the sofa and put his socked feet in Jack's lap. Oh, too much alcohol, Daniel thought, but if he put the beer bottle down his hands would be free, and that just seemed unacceptable.
Jack looked down at Daniel's feet, startled. Then Jack shifted and adjusted and slumped until he found a new, comfortable position, letting his right forearm settle down over Daniel's ankles.
"Your feet don't stink as much as I would have expected," Jack commented easily. Daniel thought maybe he sounded a little breathless. But now he was not looking at Daniel again. Suddenly, instead of bothering him, the not looking was starting to turn Daniel on. For the first time since he had arrived, he was starting to feel the buildup of this morning's desires. He tried not to let it distract him.
"They don't stink at all, that's why!" Daniel spluttered in mock outrage.
Jack wrinkled his nose, looking at his beer, not Daniel. Not even Daniel's feet.
"Fine, I'll move them, then," Daniel said in a huff. Because it was what he ought to say, though he was feeling giddy from the not looking and disappointed to have to stop touching Jack so soon. But suddenly the fingers of Jack's empty hand were wrapped tight around Daniel's right ankle. Long, strong, elegant fingers. Daniel shivered. Masturbation material for weeks, right there.
"It's alright," Jack said. "I told you it wasn't as bad as I expected."
Joking smile. Eyes off somewhere toward the fireplace.
"Why won't you look me in the eye anymore?" Daniel asked suddenly, immediately regretting it, but resisting the urge to clamp his hand over his own mouth.
Jack turned his head and looked at him. He shrugged.
"I want to think of you as Daniel. When I look at you, you're not. Teal'c's right. I haven't been able to get past that, not on a lot of levels." He shrugged again.
The comment hurt less that Daniel would have thought it would. Strangely, the idea that Jack couldn't connect the old Daniel with the new Daniel seemed to hold a certain promise of something. He glared at his beer.
"Jack, I think it's pretty clear that I am Daniel. The Daniel we're stuck with, probably forever."
Jack shrugged. "If you were really Daniel your feet would stink."
"Ha! I knew my feet didn't stink."
"More," Jack amended, with a small grin. "Your feet would stink more."
Daniel laughed.
They drank their beer quietly. Jack's fingers remained loosely curved around his ankle.
After a while, Jack asked, "Were you really serious, about that thing you said? The dating thing?"
Daniel was confused, wondering what on earth he had let slip earlier in the evening. "What did I say about dating?"
"When you yelled at me and Teal'c after the thing with SG-5. You said that maybe you might want a love life. Or maybe you have one now..."
"Not really. I'm pretty much a blushing virgin, who only recently figured out how to get herself off."
Daniel thought Jack blushed. For once, Daniel didn't. He smirked behind his beer bottle. Jack took a hasty gulp of his bottle too, finishing it off and leaning forward over Daniel's feet to set it on the coffee table.
"So, what? I mean, what do you mean by that?"
Daniel decided to pass on the junior high school jokes and answer the real question.
"I'm also a thirty-something widower who hasn't gotten laid in..." he pretended to count, "well, years now."
Jack smiled to himself, a little ruefully. With both hands free now, he had absently begun kneading Daniel's foot. Daniel sighed in pleasure and let his head rest on the back of the sofa.
"It does get to be a long time, doesn't it?" Jack said.
Daniel nodded.
"I've more or less accepted that this is who I am now," Daniel said quietly. "And I'm tired of waking up alone."
"So dating it is, then," said Jack, though he sounded uncertain. His thumb dug in a little hard and Daniel flinched. "You got anybody in mind? And if you say 'SG-5' I'm washing your mouth out with soap."
Daniel snorted.
"I still don't get what made that such an issue," he said quietly. "Sam didn't react the way you and Teal'c did."
"That is what made them a threat," Jack said. "The fact that you couldn't see it. Four guys propositioned you and you didn't see the risk. Do we have to do this?" he asked, wearily scrubbing at his face with both hands, then stopping to wince and sniff his palms. Daniel rolled his eyes, and Jack's hands fell back to the other foot.
"Not really," said Daniel. "I'm past that, and I wasn't really interested in any of them, anyway."
Daniel swore he saw just the barest flicker of a smile in Jack's profile.
"I admit I was wrong for what I did at the time," Jack continued. "Teal'c and I were wrong. We should have kept out of it and let you handle it. Backed you up if you needed it. That's what we would have done for Carter, and that's what she was doing for you."
"But the fact that you don't even understand..." Jack shrugged. "While I'll admit I was wrong, I'm not sorry I did what I did. After what we did – well, more after what T did – you aren't a target anymore and you won't be again. Not at the SGC."
Daniel watched Jack closely, as he asked his next question.
"So why did you do it then, if you knew at the time it wasn't right?"
They were quiet for a while, Jack's hands still on his foot. Jack ignored the question.
"Teal'c wishes you hadn't given the dress back," said Jack.
"What?" Daniel replied.
"He agrees with them. Thinks you should dress up. Show a little leg, maybe a little shoulder."
Daniel snorted.
"Though you have an adorable, I-stole-this-sweater-from-my-brother look going tonight."
Daniel groaned for show, and felt a jolting guilty thrill go straight to his crotch from the word "adorable."
"Look, it's winter. I like my old clothes. I'm not going to go shopping specially to come to your place and get drunk."
"No, no! It's a good look. It'll make guys want to wrap you up and take care of you. Very waif-like."
Daniel hid behind his beer bottle.
"You volunteering?"
Jack definitely blushed. He turned to look at Daniel, really look at him, his own expression confused.
"Actually, I just realized that I was assuming you would be planning to date guys. You and Frasier and Carter have been spending a lot of quality time together..."
Daniel couldn't help but laugh at that.
Jack grinned. "Well, you can't blame a guy for hoping. If you did get together with them, you would fix me up in the closet or something, so I could watch, right?"
Daniel drained his bottle.
"Maybe we'd gang up on you, drag you out, and tie you down naked to the bed before we got started," Daniel said, trying for a warm, sultry delivery. That wiped the grin off Jack's face.
He was shocked for a moment before he sputtered, "You are such a bastard!"
Daniel laughed.
"But no," Daniel said, putting on a mournful face. "We tried that. We all snuggled up together, but it wasn't sexy at all. We just fell asleep in a big heap."
Jack was staring at him now. His eyes narrowed.
"You're doing that on purpose," he accused.
Daniel grinned and folded his hands on his belly.
"I wonder if you're ticklish?" Jack mused, "That definitely deserved some kind of punishment."
"You wouldn't," Daniel said uncertainly, but he yanked his feet away and used getting up for more beer as an excuse to get out of tickle range. "Want another beer?" He watched Jack out of the corner of his eye, and saw Jack watching him cross the room.
"Maybe you shouldn't have anymore," said Jack, getting up and following him. "Your tolerance was never that great, and it can't have improved."
Daniel put his head in the fridge, bending over a little more than necessary. Let Jack have a good look.
He fished out two bottles and handed one to Jack, bumping the door closed.
He took he opener from Jack and popped the lid, leaning against the counter and taking a long pull on the bottle, trying to make a decision.
All he wanted to do right now was see if he could prove his theory about Jack not looking.
He knew that was an idiotic thing to do. Nothing was right about it. It was a disaster waiting to happen.
And he just didn't care. If he'd been sober, he was sure that he would have interpreted the not caring as the final danger sign that he had to stop. But tonight, he was tired of trying to be what he was before. Tired of trying to be Jack's friend when he knew he wanted to be more. Tired of being sensible when what he really wanted to be was naked with Jack between his legs. The very fact that the thought of Jack's dick plundering him wasn't making him blush should have been enough to tell him it was a bad idea.
But he just couldn't make himself care anymore.
"At the risk of getting my mouth washed out," Daniel began, stepping away from the sink, and eyeing the soap with distrust, just for dramatic effect, "thinking about being naked in a tent and SG-5 with their dicks out gets me wet. I mean, I'd never consider it for real, but there's something about the fantasy I can't shake."
As he spoke his eyes had fallen to focus on Jack's middle. Daniel suddenly realized he was staring at his friend's crotch and raised his eyes to look at Jack's face. Jack wasn't joking and friendly anymore. His expression was an odd combination of confusion and worry and something else. Maybe. Daniel wasn't sure. He did notice that Jack's hand holding his beer was trembling.
"You know what I think?" he slurred, feeling lightheaded.
"Noooo," said Jack warily. "But I think you've had too much. I'm going to have to drive you home."
"I think," said Daniel, "that you would rather I stayed here. I think that the reason you jumped all over Harper was because you were jealous."
Jack paled. He was suddenly very still.
"I think you want to volunteer to protect the little waif," Daniel continued. "I think the reason you don't look at me is because you are fighting every urge in your body..."
"Enough," Jack hissed. "It's time for you to go." He caught Daniel by the wrist that held his beer and yanked it from his fingers. Then he tugged him through the door to the living room and all but shoved him toward the couch.
"Why did you have to ruin this?" Jack snarled. Maybe he was tired of pretending, too. Tired of hiding his anger at what had happened behind a veneer of professionalism. Tired of pretending they could go back to being what they had been before, when clearly they couldn't.
"It was so nice to have you back. And then you do this." His voice was strained. "I'm going to call you a cab." Daniel put on his shoes. For the first time in years, Jack's anger was frightening him, though it was also a thrill. Daniel was sure he was right, or Jack wouldn't be so abrupt. He would have argued, instead of throwing Daniel out.
He was ready to leave when Jack came back after the brief phone call.
"It's a warm night," Jack said matter-of-factly, his features schooled and cold now. "You can wait on the porch. The cab will be here in fifteen minutes. I'll be pissed if you drive yourself home."
Daniel searched Jack's face for the slightest hint of a real emotion, and couldn't find one. Daniel found that as frightening as the anger, though not as thrilling. Daniel suddenly wanted Jack to understand exactly what he was feeling. That he wasn't just accusing Jack of wanting him. Jack had to know that Daniel was willing to admit it went both ways.
"You should know, Jack. I got myself off last night, after months of not being able to do it. You should know that it was SG-5 that got me wet, but it was thinking about you that made me cum. You're not in this alone, Jack."
"Get out of my house," Jack replied, very calmly.
Daniel shrugged and left.
Sam slammed her tray down across from him and dropped into the chair.
"What the hell happened this weekend?" she demanded. She was clearly pissed. "I thought you and the colonel spent Saturday afternoon bonding over beer and sports? He's not even talking to me anymore." She waved an admonishing finger at him. "And watch out for Teal'c, he's very, very unhappy about this."
Teal'c, whom Daniel was watching cross the room, with a scowl on his face unlike anything Daniel had seen since Teal'c had first come to the SGC to be interrogated and treated as a prisoner.
"DanielJackson, I understood that you and O'Neill were going to spend Saturday mending your relationship. Today, he is worse than he was last week. It is completely intolerable."
"Look," said Daniel, blushing a little, but irritated, too. "Alcohol was consumed. It's been a long six months. Things were said, many of which I would take back if I could, but I can't. The afternoon didn't end well. I don't think we're going to resolve this anytime soon."
"What 'things' were said?" Sam hissed. "What could the two of you possibly have said to make the situation worse?!"
"It's really not any of your business, Sam," Daniel snapped defensively.
She stared at him hard. He could almost see her genius brain spinning and twisting behind her eyes, seeking an answer to her own question.
"Oh, God," she said finally in a long, low groan. "You accused him of avoiding you because he wants to have sex with you!" She was staring at him in horror. "You did, didn't you?! You said the whole thing with SG-5 went down because he was jealous, and you rubbed his face in it! Daniel, how could you be such an idiot?" Her voice had risen an octave, and the last word came out as an outraged yelp, that turned heads across the room.
Teal'c turned his disapproving glare from Daniel to her.
"Major Carter, I suggest you keep your voice lowered."
"How could you be such an idiot?" she repeated, in a menacing whisper.
Daniel glowered back at her, taking a defiant bite of his mystery meat and chewing in determined, angry silence.
"Whether or not DanielJackson made that rash statement," Teal'c began thoughtfully, "it was not the cause of the current escalation of tensions."
They both redirected angry gazes to Teal'c. But Teal'c himself wasn't angry anymore. He looked sad. And his expression when he looked into Daniel's eyes was more pity than accusation.
"O'Neill would have denied it with great plausibility, possibly making one of his more juvenile jokes, they would have argued to an acceptable middle ground, and the issue would have been resolved."
Teal'c paused, still thinking. Daniel had the terrible feeling that whatever Teal'c was about to say, Daniel was going to lose it right there in the mess, break down and sob and make a scene. He looked up from their table, trying to take a deep calming breath, only to meet Jack's eyes across the room. He had slipped in unnoticed, and was making his way out again with his lunch, and Daniel had caught Jack's gaze resting on their group. Then he was gone. Out the door, and it was like a punch to Daniel's gut.
"OK. So what then?" Sam practically snarled, drawing Daniel's attention back to their table. He was going to cry. He knew it. Sometimes he really, really hated his new body and its stupid hormones and obviously defective tear ducts.
"DanielJackson confessed his own desire for O'Neill," Teal'c said gently. The shock on Sam's face showed that she thought he was right. Daniel couldn't do this conversation anymore.
He shoved his chair back abruptly.
"Look," he growled low, so only the two of them could possibly hear in the noisy room. "I'm tired of the entire mountain thinking that my private life is their concern. Sam, as much as I appreciate your advice on all things womanly these last few months, I think we're done with that."
He turned to Teal'c.
"Jack and I have never had the easiest friendship. Recent developments seem to have brought us to an impasse. The important thing is that SG-1 does what it needs to do. Jack and I don't have to be best friends for that to happen. In fact, I'd argue that the team works better because we've never had an easy friendship. So I'd appreciate it if both of you could respect our privacy and keep your opinions to yourselves. I'll do my job. Jack will do his. You'll both do yours. The rest of it really doesn't matter that much, in the grand scheme of things, does it?"
He didn't wait for a response. Just turned on his heel and left. Left the mess, took the elevator, and left the entire mountain. Started his car and sat letting the heater run.
Not crying.
"'lo?" he slurred groggily, struggling to focus on the glowing numbers of the clock and bring the phone to his ear at the same time. No one answered. "Hello?" Great. He had just fallen asleep an hour ago. He was never good for anything after one hour. It was a miracle he had woken up at all.
Still no answer.
"Hello!" he demanded stupidly. Then he heard a voice from far away. It sounded like Jack, yelling.
"DANIEL! YOU HAVE THE PHONE UPSIDE DOWN!"
"Huh," he muttered to himself. He fumbled with the handset some more and rolled over onto his back. He brought the phone to his ear finally.
"Hello?" he tried again.
He could hear insane giggles from the other end of the line, quickly muffled.
"Hey," said Jack.
"What's going on?" Daniel asked, trying to shake himself back to full consciousness. A call from Jack- he squinted at the clock again – at 3:43am could not be a good thing.
"I can't stop thinking about how stupid it was to fight about that." Jack sounded as incoherent as Daniel felt.
OK, not life or death, then. Daniel relaxed back into the mattress. For a moment, lying there on his back under the covers, Daniel wondered if he could manage a coherent phone call with his fingers on his clit. He placed his free hand determinedly behind his head.
"Fight about what?" Daniel slurred back, still trying to wake his tongue up. "Not that thing again about the structures on PX7-944? Because it's obvious they're structures, Jack, not just piles of rock." Daniel propped the phone between his head and the pillow and scrubbed at his eyes with both hands, trying to wake up.
"Nah. Who cares about that? I mean that other fight," Jack said unhelpfully. Jack's voice though the phone was a caress against Daniel's ear.
"Jack? Why are you calling me at four in the morning? And have you been drinking?"
"Yup. Drunk as a skunk!" Jack sounded imminently pleased with himself.
Daniel sighed.
"And you called for what reason?" he asked, not quite able to keep the amusement out of his voice. He tried to ignore his brain and body together telling him gleefully that Jack was practically in bed with him. He felt the early tingling of arousal, the still surprising slide-y wet feeling between his legs that he got when he was getting tuned on. He shifted a little just to feel the slippery sensation.
"When you came over the last time and you got drunk. It was stupid to get mad and throw you out like that. I was a jackass and I'm sorry."
Daniel squeezed his eyes shut and opened them again. Jack apologizing. The urge to touch himself was suddenly a lot stronger. Hands where we can see them, ma'am, he thought to himself, knotting his fingers into his hair instead.
"Jack, that was three months ago," Daniel enunciated very clearly.
"Yeah, well."
"And why are you calling me at almost four in the morning about an argument we had three months ago?"
"If I give you an honest answer to that you'll hang up the phone and then we can't get on with the apologizing. I think I'm too drunk to hit the redial button."
Daniel snorted.
"So, anyway, about that," Jack continued.
"Yeees," Daniel drawled. He probably should help out some, since he had been as much at fault in that argument as Jack had been, but he was taking a certain spiteful delight in letting Jack do all the work on this. Daniel had one poorly handled drunken conversation on his conscience. Jack needed to atone for over nine months of being a complete bastard.
"I'm doing a thing, in a couple of weeks. For Memorial Day. You wanna come?"
"Okay," said Daniel slowly.
"'Cause last time, us, together, by ourselves. That didn't seem to work," Jack continued, by way of explanation.
"So, this time we can have the entire base, plus families, as chaperones?" Daniel couldn't help feeling slightly miffed.
"Not the entire base. Just some people," Jack said softly. He sounded a little sad.
"Jack, are you OK?"
"Obviously not. I had to get shitfaced to even make this phone call."
Ah. There it was. The anger.
But Daniel felt a little guilty now. Jack was trying, after all. And to Daniel's ear, he sounded miserable, his earlier cheerfulness mostly the alcohol, covering sadness and anger. Daniel knew that Jack was struggling. Daniel just didn't know how to make it any easier. He wasn't going to stop being honest with Jack. That had always been the foundation of their friendship. Their ability and willingness to be honest, and force the other to do the same.
"You do realize that no matter how drunk I was that night, what I said was true," Daniel said. "Nothing's changed about that. And I still think I was right about you. And nothing's changed about that, either," Daniel said. "Are you sure you want to try to do the friend thing, under the circumstances? Because frankly, I'm not sure we can."
There was a such a long pause from the other end of the line that Daniel wondered if Jack had fallen asleep.
"I don't know if we can, either, Daniel," Jack said. Suddenly he sounded much more sober. "But Teal'c told me that if I can't find a way to make this right between us, he's got better things to do than just hang around with the Tauri. It's time for me to get my act together before this becomes an even bigger mess than it already is."
It was Daniel's turn to pause. Jack muttered a curse on the other end of the line.
"The bastard hung up on me," Jack growled to himself.
"No, Jack! I'm still here," Daniel said loudly.
Daniel was sure he heard a sign of relief.
"See, I told you if I was honest..." Jack replied wryly.
"Alright, so. Memorial Day it is," Daniel said.
"Good enough," said Jack. "And if you were wanking yourself off during this whole conversation, I don't ever want to know about it," he admonished, but the laugh was shaky.
So was Daniel's.
"Scout's honor, Jack. My hand's not down my panties."
"Probably just means you're not wearing any," Jack replied taking the cue. But it came out a bit strangled.
Daniel laughed. Really laughed.
"Be sure you drink enough water before you go to bed," Daniel said.
"'Night, Daniel," came the soft reply.
Then the phone went dead.
Daniel hung up in relief. He couldn't remember ever being this horny in all his life before. He fell asleep with his hand down his underwear.
Daniel looked up to find Teal'c in his doorway. The Jaffa bowed slightly in greeting.
"DanielJackson," he said, strolling into the room.
"Hey, Teal'c," Daniel said, eyes drawn immediately back to his work.
"It is my understanding that O'Neill spoke to you this weekend?" Teal'c made the statement a question.
"Hmm? Oh, yeah," Daniel replied, pushing his chair back from his computer and trying not to let himself be distracted again. "He called. Though it was my understanding that the main reason was because you threatened to bail on us if he didn't."
Teal'c inclined his head, with that tiny smile he had when he was pleased, enigmatically not addressing the issue of Jack's motivations.
Instead, he gently placed an object on the table in front of Daniel.
It was a plain brown mailing envelope, a little bulky. Daniel didn't recognized the name on the return label.
"For me?"
Teal'c nodded again.
"I hope you will feel that you can accept the gift in the spirit it was intended. I do not want to have to make threats against my own private parts."
Daniel blinked slowly.
"Teal'c?" he asked. "Um. Was that a joke, or..." No. Daniel would not ask if Teal'c was flirting with him. Daniel turned his attention to the package. It has already been opened. The envelope contained a single item of clothing. A simple, delicate, white knit camisole top, with thin straps and lace trim at the neck. Daniel stifled panicked laughter. His hands trembled as he started to push it away.
"DanielJackson," Teal'c began. Daniel thought he looked... OK. It was Teal'c. Worried would be too strong a word. Maybe nonplussed.
"No, Teal'c. I don't want an explanation..."
"DanielJackson," Teal'c said more firmly. "I have already spoken with O'Neill regarding this matter. The situation between you is intolerable."
Daniel was suddenly panicking a lot more. Teal'c had talked to Jack about this?!
"Look, Teal'c. I appreciate your concern. But..."
Teal'c's expression upon being interrupted was forbidding. Daniel stopped mid-protest.
"DanielJackson," Teal'c began again. "I believe that you must help O'Neill to understand that you have accepted this thing that has happened to you. That you understand that you are a woman now, and not a man."
Daniel scowled.
"Jack is not my problem, Teal'c."
"On the contrary, I believe O'Neill is your friend. You have been devoted to each other for as long as I have known you. And I know that you would do much to help a friend."
Daniel sighed and squeezed his eyes shut.
"So what does this have to do with you dressing me as a girl?" Daniel asked, trying to keep the accusation out of his voice.
"DanielJackson," Teal'c's voice was so soft and gentle that Daniel was startled into looking at him. "We both know where your heart is bestowed, or I promise you that I would have put myself forward long before SG-5 found the courage to make their advances. You want him. We both know he wants you. I think we can both agree that the current situation arises because he believes he should not."
Daniel felt he should say something, but his brain seemed to have stopped working properly. He actually wondered if any of his senses were working properly. Something about presents and Teal'c and unrequited love and Teal'c helping Daniel to help Jack. His brain was just refusing to process it.
"You have to help him, DanielJackson. He has to understand that he is doing nothing wrong in seeing you as a woman. It is my hope that if you can show him that you know and accept your new self, then he will realize that he can, as well, and stop blaming himself for his affection for you."
Teal'c reached out and touched his hand. Daniel realized that he was crushing the soft fabric of the simple garment in both fists. He still couldn't think exactly what he should say.
"You could begin by wearing this," Teal'c suggested. Daniel still couldn't find anything to say.
Teal'c accept his silence. He smiled sadly and inclined his head, then turned and left the room.
Daniel wandered aimlessly around his apartment. He had been thinking about Teal'c's comments for days. Teal'c's gift lay on top of Daniel's dresser, a clean white space against the other detritus of work and life that was jumbled there.
What Daniel couldn't decide was whether Teal'c was right or wrong about him. Daniel had accepted his new status, hadn't he? He rarely thought much about it anymore. It had been months since he had tried to pee standing up. He was comfortable enough with his own body to see himself naked in the mirror and touch himself and fantasize without feeling self-conscious or embarrassed. He was still uneasy about male attentions, but he gave himself some leeway there, because as Sam had pointed out so many months ago, he was in many ways a teenage girl, just learning how to accept his sexuality and it's effect on others. Sam had said it was difficult for everyone. So it seemed only reasonable that it was difficult for him, too.
On the other hand, Daniel thought to himself, he had deliberately avoided being overtly feminine. He chose relatively neutral clothes and simple undergarments and hiking boots. His hair was long enough not to draw attention, short enough to pass Jack's scrutiny, and he didn't do anything much to it. He didn't try to be pretty. He didn't try not to. It didn't matter to him that much, and he felt that was only fair, too.
He was himself, after all. He'd never paid that much attention to his appearance. Why should he start now?
Still, Daniel knew that he honestly didn't think of himself as a woman. If someone gave him a form with a box to check, he still would choose male. That's who he was, inside his own head. He identified that way. He was still a man. The body he was in didn't matter to who he really was, and who he really was hadn't been changed just because some entity in the universe thought it was funny to give him a brand new body.
Except he wasn't a man the way he used to be, either. If he stopped to think about it too long, he still felt uneasy about the fact that the female form didn't do anything for him anymore. And as much as he was disturbed by it, men turned him on. One of the great advantages of his new body, he had decided early in the game, was that at least it was a lot easier to hide the arousal, even when it was its most intense. And his emotional reactions to stress and anger and frustration were definitely different now. Brain chemistry, he told himself. Nothing that touched his essential nature. Except what was he, asked a traitorous tendril of thought, but a big soup of brain chemicals and the electrical firing of neurons?
There had to be something else, he maintained stubbornly. Something else that was separate from hormones and biologically generated electricity. That something was himself, and why did it matter so much if he was a woman, as his body seemed to insist, or a man, as his brain continued thinkt? He was himself. He was Daniel Jackson. Why did these smaller things seem to matter so much?
But he couldn't deny that they did. He couldn't deny that after all these months, he still cared that he was a man not a woman.
How could he blame Jack for having the same problem?
And there was something that Daniel had tried not to think about too hard. The woman in him didn't seem to have any problem reaching out for Jack O'Neill. Daniel felt quite willing to go a long way down that path if it meant he could come to some sort of terms with Jack. The longing his whole self felt for the man now was almost overwhelming, and the anger and sadness Jack's rejection generated could sometimes be debilitating. Daniel was in love now, truly, madly, deeply, and he had accepted it some time ago. And Daniel knew, with great certainty that the reason he was in love with Jack was all about hormones and brain chemistry, and neurons and he still couldn't make it go away.
So there was the real question. Daniel had gone native for Sha'ure. It had even been easy. He'd adopted the clothes and customs and language of her people. Accepted the new roles required of him, been a faithful, loving, loyal husband to her, been a good and obedient son to the Good Father. Learned to fit into their simple society and he had loved it. Loved them. And they had helped him when it was difficult and accommodated his foreign eccentricities with good humor. They had loved him, too.
Daniel had not been willing to do that in his new situation. He had not tried to step forward and be a woman. He had insisted on being Daniel Jackson. Never embraced his new culture, the new language. Never learned his new roles or accepted them.
But Teal'c said that was what Jack needed from him. Jack needed Daniel to go native. To show that he had joined the tribe, wanted to become the person he was expected to be. Then Jack could make the next steps towards accommodating him.
Daniel looked at the clock. 1900. The mall was still open. He was going to need something to go with his new top at Jack's picnic tomorrow.
"Daniel! Oh my God! You wore girl clothes!"
He felt himself blush furiously and hated the little hesitation he felt in his own stride. He wanted people to notice, after all. That was the whole point of wearing the clothes to begin with.
Trust Cassie to announce his arrival to the crowd, though. He had just enough time to scan the yard and see that every eye was on him, before the girl barreled into him and he was being squeezed breathless by a child who really ought to still be child-sized, but now was almost exactly his own height. He returned the hug gratefully and kissed her cheek. It saved him from having to acknowledge anyone else in the yard for a few minutes.
Then Cassie grabbed him by the hand and dragged him across the yard.
"Cassie!" he protested, holding up the grocery bags in his other hand, but it was too late. With a final tug of Cassie's hand, he was standing before a jury of his peers. Sam, Janet, a couple of wives whose names he should know but didn't, Sergeant Jenkins, the only nurse who could draw blood from his arm without his veins collapsing. They were all eyeing him appraisingly. He waited for them to challenge him. Ask him what the hell he thought he was doing. He stood there in the warm spring sunshine and waited for the condemnation.
"Well, it's about time!" Janet said with a warm smile. Strangely, at this picnic being hosted by a single man, it was Janet and not Sam who seemed to be playing hostess.
"Gloria!" Janet called to a girl about Cassie's age sitting with a woman Daniel didn't recognize at the end of the table. Probably her mother. "Take Dani's bags into the kitchen." Janet peered inside and laughed. "You can tell Jack that as usual Dani brought the only decent beer at this party."
The girl smiled delightedly, snatched up the bags and proceeded to bounce across the yard.
Cassie rolled her eyes in annoyance.
"She has such a crush on Jack," Cassie said in disgust, though Daniel wasn't sure that he didn't see a little spark of jealousy under there. Cassie turned around to look at him again.
"You look great! But now you need to do something with your hair.
Daniel blushed again.
"You went shopping without me," Sam said accusingly.
He had. He had gone and gotten himself a pair of denim shorts that looked adorable with the simple camisole. But otherwise he'd just put on the Birks he wore around the house, rather than his usual day hikers. Looking at himself in the mirror this morning, he hadn't been neutral anymore. He was all bare arms, bare shoulders, bare legs and thighs and feet. He had almost chickened out. But today was not about hiding or being neutral. Today was his first day as a native, and he was not going to lose his nerve now.
Still. No sense starting off with one of the most important emissaries of his new culture angry with him.
"It was Teal'c's fault," Daniel said defensively, not hesitating to place blame where blame was due. "He bought me the top."
Sam spluttered into her bottle. It seemed the entire knot of women was drinking wine coolers. Very Berry seemed to be the flavor of choice. As all of his good beer had been sent to the kitchen, he flopped down next to Janet on the grass and reached back to fish around in the mini cooler for another bottle. Cassie sat behind him and immediately began stroking her fingers through his hair. Gloria came back and sat next to her.
"Teal'c?!" Sam asked.
"I'm guessing mail-order," Daniel said. "He does have a computer with an internet connection, after all."
Sam snickered.
"He also sits around my lab looking at all my junk mail," she confided. "Then the Colonel comes in hoping for a chance to filch my Victoria's Secret catalog and it's not there. It makes him very cranky."
The girls behind him giggled, particularly Gloria.
They tugged and pulled at his hair. He didn't even want to know what they were doing to it, but he gathered they were putting in cornrows.
"He'll be so pleased, then," Daniel said with a chuckle. "I put him down on their mailing list while I when there last night." More giggles from Gloria.
"They are having the best sale on panties right now!" said Sgt. Jenkins. The whole group descended into a round of small talk about underwear and bras. Apparently this was a topic that could open up communication, crossing boundaries between civilian and military, the medically trained and those who were not. It didn't require any security clearance.
Daniel leaned back on his arms and enjoyed the sun on his skin and the soothing tug of the girls braiding his hair. He finished off his first bottle, then his second, and listened attentively to all the things he ever might want to know about panties.
The sound of Jack's voice booming across the yard brought made him open his eyes. The group of women went quiet, with a storm of giggles from the two girls behind him and he was sure a few stifled chuckles from Sam and Janet, as well.
"So, ladies!" he called, striding over to them. "Who's eating what?" Then he let his eyes fall to Daniel and he adopted an expression of mock horror. Daniel felt a small, unexpected thrill of fear as Jack's eyes flickered over his bare legs. Then he was fully focused on the young women behind him.
"WHAT are you people doing to Dan-" Jack stumbled over what to call him and Daniel realized that after all these months they hadn't clued Jack in on the cover name."- my archaeologist's hair?!"
More giggles. Accompanied by excited tugging on his new braids.
"Ow," he muttered, then just followed the tugging and slumped back onto the two girls behind him. After much wiggling and squirming, he found himself on the ground staring up at the sky.
"Just stop that right now! Fix it!"
Then the mock scolding was over and Jack had turned his attention to rattling off the dinner options to Nurse Jenkins. Cassie was rolling her eyes at her honorary uncle. Gloria was bright-eyed and giddy from the attention.
"Well?!" suddenly Jack loomed into his vision.
"Uh?" Daniel responded intelligently. Jack looked about fifty feet tall from this position.
"Steak!" shouted Cassie.
"Good girl, that's the spirit!" Jack approved. "Gloria?"
"Me, too, steak!" Gloria agreed. Now both Cassie and Daniel were rolling their eyes.
"Excellent!" Jack rubbed his hands with all the glee of Mr. Burns hatching an evil and devious scheme.
Jack was finally looking at him again, and again stuck on what to call him. Janet stepped in.
"Dani? Chicken, hot dog, burger, or steak?" Janet prompted.
Daniel smirked to himself. He knew the right answer to this question.
"Chicken," he said, pushing himself up onto his elbows and smiling sweetly.
"Traitor!" Jack howled. Gloria could barely contain herself.
"So that comes to," Jack said, turning and eyeing the circle warily. "Chicken, chicken, chicken, chicken, chicken, chicken, steak, steak, and..." he paused for dramatic effect, "chicken." He sighed. "You are such a girl Danny," he finished. That got giggles from Sam, Janet, and Cassie. Daniel got the impression that Gloria might be pouting.
Jack pointed at his two hair stylists.
"You two. Make with the hair."
From the way Gloria was pulling the braids out, Daniel was very sure she was pouting now.
Then Jack was sauntering off, responding to hungry jeers from the poker table with "You ladies have to wait 'til I've taken care of those ladies!"
Freed from his duties as the entertainment for Cassie and Gloria, Daniel picked out a fourth bottle from the cooler – something peach calling itself Sex On the Beach.
"I should say hello to people," he said to Sam, who smirked back at him.
"What?" he asked. She was looking at his hair. He reached up to touch it. It was standing out from his head and felt kind of fluffy and kinky.
"You should get a perm," Cassie commented. "Or maybe we should just get you some hot sticks. Your hair takes curl really well." Daniel had no idea what to say to this, but Janet and Sam were collapsing on themselves laughing.
"Oh, yeah, sorry. I should have warned you," Daniel choked to Cassie and Gloria. If there was one thing his work with the SGC had taught him, it was how to bullshit your way out of a tricky situation.
"I had no idea Jack was dating!" said one of the women Daniel barely recognized. He realized with a certain amount of guilt that she was Ferretti's fiancé.
Nurse Jenkins nodded seriously in agreement, a teasing smile lurking in her dark eyes. She had been one of the hearts broken when Daniel originally cut his hair, as revealed by Sam in one of their adjustment sessions.
"It's about time," she said heartily.
"Sorry?" he asked. Then he understood. "Oh! No! I work on Jack's team, up at the mountain!"
"Really?" replied Ferretti's girlfriend. Daniel was starting to feel very annoyed with himself that he had let himself be dragged around by Cassie without making the rounds and getting introductions first. "What's an archaeologist do on a deep space radio telemetry project?"
Sam leaped in.
"Dani works with us because of her other specialty. She's got a PhD in linguistics. Anything really good or juicy comes in – she works it over, looking for signs of language or intelligent communication."
Ferretti's girlfriend looked first at Daniel, then her eyes cutting over to where Ferretti was playing poker with the boys. She was obviously the jealous type, and Daniel was setting her off. He wondered what a guy like Ferretti, who spent days, sometimes weeks away, told his fiancé about his absences.
Suddenly, Daniel needed a moment away from the tribe.
"I'm gonna go say 'hey' to Teal'c and Kowalski," he said more or less to everyone, and headed for the two men, sitting in lawn chairs in a shady spot, watching the poker table.
"So? What do you think?" he asked Teal'c. He gave a little twirl to show it all off. The spin left him a bit dizzy, and he flopped on the grass at their feet. A wine cooler too many, then? He took a long swallow of his Sex on the Beach in defiance of his lowered tolerances.
Teal'c gave him a pleased smile and nod of approval.
"I think the season becomes you, DanielJackson," he murmured.
The compliment flustered him, and had him blushing right down to the tips of his sandaled toes.
"And I think if you're not careful you're gonna get a reputation as the slut of the SGC," Kowalski snorted. "We've got some weird dynamics going on. Anna looks like she's ready to rip your head off. Jack looks like he might be thinking the same thing about me and Teal'c. Well, me at least."
Anna! That was the fiancé's name.
Daniel picked himself up from the grass again.
"If Anna's that type of woman, she and Ferretti are never going to last," Daniel said, not a little sadly. "I never even mentioned his name. Does he have a clue?"
Kowalski grinned. "He thinks it's adorable."
Daniel shrugged. "Well, speaking of Jack, it's time to go say 'hello' to our host."
Jack had just taken the chair for a quick hand at the poker table, leaving the chicken under the watchful eye of General Hammond.
Daniel walked over to the table, taking a quick inventory of the hands of the players. Dixon had a good hand. Pierce did, too. Mr. Nurse Jenkins had nothing. Ferretti looked to be the real winner. When he finally circled around behind Jack, he had to grin. Jack's hand was worse than Jenkins'.
"Hey! Jackson! No cheating!" objected Pierce with a good-natured grumble.
"Ya? Nikogda!" Daniel protested in amusement. Ferretti and Dixon were eyeing him suspiciously. Daniel rolled his eyes.
"Hey, guys. My Russki extends to da, nyet, spacibo and do svedania," said Jack. "Oh. And 'Ya amerikanskii spi.' Couldn't get through any Air Force language program in the '80's without learning that little gem."
"Besides, all she said was that she would never cheat," Jenkins commented, bemusedly eyeing the rest of the group, obviously not able to see what they found so suspicious about Daniel's presence.
Daniel couldn't get over how jarring it was for someone to call him "she." Nobody ever did that. Not a single person in the entire SGC.
He shook his head and smiled to himself. Today he wanted to be "she" and "her". Today was his first day as a native, right?
Daniel wanted to cheat, just because it was fun. He knew they were all watching him. He let the grin slip out again, just a flicker, before putting on his best concerned and thoughtful expression, complete with worry lines. They all caught it.
Dixon huffed in disgust and folded. "I'm out," he said.
Jenkins laughed and did the same, Pierce following him immediately.
"Hey!" Jack protested. "I just sat down for one hand. You guys not even gonna make this interesting?!" Jack craned around to look up at Daniel who just shrugged and put on his most confused face. He certainly didn't know anything. Jack's eyes narrowed suspiciously. Ferretti was looking back and forth, first at Daniel, then at Jack. Daniel gave him big innocent eyes. He growled and threw in his cards, muttering "Damn SG-1," and getting a snort from Pierce and Dixon.
Jack just shook his head in confusion and showed his cards.
"Read 'em and weep, gentlemen," he said laughing. He stood up from the table, pocketing his winnings of two dollars in change and turned to tower over Daniel. "I don't know what you did…" he said menacingly, tapping Daniel on the chest. For a moment Daniel's heart stopped, and he fought the reflex to look to Teal'c for help. Then Jack broke out into a huge grin. "…but good work!" he crowed, throwing his arm around Daniel's shoulders and dragging him over to the grill, where General Hammond was applying a last basting of barbecue sauce to the chicken before serving it out onto paper plates.
"Colonel?" the General asked, pointedly noting Jack's warm arm around Daniel's shoulder. Almost in defiance of his commanding officer's obvious disapproval, Jack bent to plant an affectionate kiss deep in Daniel's fluffed out hair, taking a deep breath of him before finally stepping back and letting him go. It took a fair amount of concentration and self-control on Daniel's part not to stumble. He carefully leaned against the railing of the deck, and had a really long drink from his bottle.
"Just something for Anna to see," Jack said softly, smiling delightedly at Daniel, as if he'd never been happier. "She looks like she'd like to tear his hair out, and as much fun as a catfight can be, it's not very classy for the neighbors to see one in your own yard."
"Yeah, well, I have to go back over there and sit with Gloria in a minute. Thanks a lot," Daniel said, pleased he didn't sound as breathless as he felt.
"So go sit with Teal'c. He'll protect you from the jealous twelve-year-old threat," Jack suggested, but Daniel was amused to see that he actually blushed. Daniel laughed. Though it came out sounding disturbingly like a giggle.
"Sounds like you've had a few too many wine coolers there, Daniel," Jack said. The smile was still there, and so was the blush, but Daniel met his eyes, and suddenly he knew the moment had passed. Jack turned back to the poker table and the men sitting on the lawn.
"Now how about you ladies? And Teal'c of course…"
Daniel sighed and didn't listen to the rest of the manly banter, just went to pick up a plate of chicken and take some potato salad from the table. The other women took their cue from him, getting up to come over and fill their plates. Gloria was sulking, and Cassie walked away from her in a huff and joined her mother.
Daniel didn’t feel like mixing with any of them. He stood leaning against the deck farthest from where Jack and Ferretti were now sniping at each other over the grill. General Hammond came over to stand next to him.
"I'm sorry this has been so hard for the two of you, son," he said very quietly, turned away from the activity on the deck, watching his granddaughters playing on the lawn. "I've thought about just moving you off SG-1 more than once, but then I couldn't imagine doing that. And I couldn't imagine moving Jack either. So I've left you two together, hoping you would find a way through the impasse. You always have before. Did I make a mistake?"
Daniel sighed and shook his head.
"I've thought about just quitting the program altogether, actually," he replied. Hammond twisted his head quickly, looking alarmed. "But I couldn't stand the thought of life on the outside after all this time and all the…" he gestured vaguely at himself. He grimaced.
"Well, for what it's worth, Dr. Jackson, I'm glad you decided to stay with us. And I think you're doing the right thing today, however Colonel O'Neill is reacting. Things have changed, and they don't look like they're changing back anytime soon. Might as well make the adjustment."
He looked at Daniel with a fond smile.
"You look lovely, if you don't mind my saying so. It's no wonder Anna's jealous." Then to Daniel's complete mortification, the General leaned over and placed a gentle grandfatherly kiss on his forehead. Then he picked up his plate and made his way out onto the lawn again to tell his granddaughters they had to give up on the horseshoes and get something to eat.
Daniel almost left.
Jack's little burst of, well, whatever that was. Anna's eyes following him around the yard. The residual flush of Teal'c's courtly compliment. General Hammond kissing him.
He almost gave it up.
But the whole point of the exercise had been to see if he could help Jack to see him differently. And to be fair, the results had been exactly what he wanted. This afternoon, at this picnic, he was Dani Jackson. He was she. Him was her. It was difficult and upsetting, and Daniel felt a little of that panic he used to feel back at the beginning, but he knew he could handle it, if he just held on and kept his eyes on the goal. And he thought at least now he had a better goal. It wasn't just to find a way to endure the bizarre unexpectedness of changing sexes. This time his goal was Jack. If he could achieve it, that goal was worth a lot of gentle forehead kisses from George Hammond.
So he didn't leave.
He finally went and sat directly between Sam and Janet, 'til the acquaintances headed home, until the General had to get his granddaughters off to bed, until Anna finally dragged Ferretti away from Jack and Kowalski and the poker table. And then Kowalski left, and Cassie had to get home to finish up some homework, and Sam drove Teal'c back to the base, and it was just him and Jack, cleaning up the last of the debris from the yard and putting the leftovers in the fridge.
They were standing on the cleared deck, watching the fireflies come out. Jack was drinking Daniel's good beer, as it was all that was left. Daniel had the last Very Berry wine cooler.
"I wish you hadn't worn that," Jack said quietly.
"Teal'c bought it. He thought it would be a push in the right direction."
"Teal'c?!" he choked out. There was a long pause.
"And what direction, exactly?" he asked darkly.
"He said, 'The situation is intolerable, DanielJackson,' and actually, I agreed with him."
"So, what? The situation is remedied when the two of you go shopping? You should have to answer to Carter for acting like a couple of girls," Jack sneered.
Daniel shrugged. He hugged himself against Jack's anger. He regretted the shorts now, for the hundredth time that afternoon. He felt too exposed.
"The thought was that I had to be willing to adjust. I needed to show you that I know who I am. That I'm not fighting this anymore."
Jack turned and looked at him. Daniel could see that he was confused, as well as angry.
"You're not supposed to be - this," Jack said haltingly. Daniel saw Jack's eyes linger on his bare arms, wander down over his hips and legs then drift away. Daniel's cheeks felt warm. Despite Jack's hostility, Daniel felt himself tingling in his fingers, his breasts, his thighs, just from the caress of Jack's eyes over his body. Suddenly, it was time to sit. His knees felt weak. He turned and walked back into the house. Gave in to weakness and huddled down into the arm of the couch.
Jack followed him in. Looking at him, Daniel thought Teal'c was wrong. This was just making Jack more defensive, more angry. Daniel trying to be the woman he could be was just making Jack hate him.
"I can't believe you've done this again," Jack growled.
"What, exactly," Daniel asked tiredly.
"Set yourself up to be alone with me. Not the slightest bit worried or alert. You're half drunk and dressed..." he didn't look, this time, just gestured.
"Dressed?" Daniel asked with raised eyebrows. Jack just gave him a dirty look. Daniel sighed in exasperation.
"Women don't spend all their time terrified of their male friends, Jack. Sam wouldn't be worried about staying to help you clean up. Janet wouldn't be afraid to be alone with you."
"Yeah, but I can keep my hands off them, can't I? One afternoon watching you parade around my backyard in that outfit, and I'm sniffing you right in front of the General. And you don't see any reason to be worried about being alone with me?"
"Nope," said Daniel, with more confidence than he felt at the moment.
"You know the things I could do with that body of yours?" Jack was practically snarling.
"Yeah, Jack, I've got a pretty good idea. I've been on your end of these kind of situations before."
Daniel manged to keep his voice level, even cool. Jack was towering over him now.
"Really?" Jack said, in mock surprise. "You know I could take you down, and have your delicate little wrists tied to your pretty little ankles before you knew what had happened? Get a knife from the kitchen and cut those cute Teal'c presents right off of you? I could do whatever I wanted. Shove my fist up your ass. Shove my naked dick in your cunt and give you a belly. What would stop me?"
Daniel casually leaned forward and set his empty bottle on the coffee table. He didn't want Jack to see that his hands were shaking now. Jack was obviously more drunk than Daniel would have guessed. And Jack could do the things he was describing. And Jack didn't use words like cunt. For the briefest moment, Daniel wondered if Jack was right and he should have left with Teal'c and Sam. Then he felt a certain shame at his own reaction. He trusted Jack, and Jack was trustworthy.
"You mean aside from the fact that tomorrow Teal'c would rip the still beating heart from your chest and present it to me as a token of his affections before your dying eyes?" Daniel said, as lightly as he could manage. "You're not going to scare me off by talking like that, Jack. I know you. I just don't get why you're so determined to piss me off and make me leave."
Jack seemed to deflate. The change was so sudden that Daniel almost moved to catch him. He looked like he might fall down right where he stood.
"True enough. About Teal'c, I mean." He half smiled, half grimaced.
He flopped down next to him, bouncing the cushions and sitting inside Daniel's personal space. Daniel's heart was tripping. He was having trouble shaking the mental image of Jack pumping into his helplessly bound body. Jack was pressed up against his side, and his hand had fallen on Daniel's knee. Almost immediately his always restless fingers began moving against Daniel's skin, tracing abstract patterns on sensitive flesh.
"You're supposed to be the most brilliant, arrogant, self-righteous, smug, lucky bastard I've ever had the pleasure and privilege of calling my friend," Jack said.
"You are not supposed to be tiny and sweet-faced and pretty with soft hands and silky thighs." Even as he said it, his fingers were stroking delicately.
Staring at that hand, moving so carefully, Daniel's brain was melting.
"Why can't I be both?" he finally whispered.
Jack barked a humorless laugh. He flattened his hand over Daniel's thigh at the same time he twisted so they were face to face, his palm now moving possessively up Daniel's bare leg, his chest pressing Daniel back into the corner of the couch.
"It can't be both because we have too much history, Daniel," he said, the hot breath of his words seeming to steal the air from Daniel's lungs. Daniel told himself firmly this was what he had wanted. He had wanted to seduce Jack, and it was working. But it wasn't anything like he had imagined. He whimpered when Jack's hand slipped up under the hem of his shorts and fingertips brushed against the damp crotch of his panties.
"Right now, all I want to do is stick my cock in every hole you've got, then put you to bed and bring you French toast in the morning." Jack's lips descended on Daniel's neck and Daniel hissed at the unexpectedly delicious feeling of Jack's slight stubble and the light touch of his teeth.
"That sounds fine to me," Daniel groaned. "And I don't see why that means I can't be both."
Jack was moving them, tugging Daniel under them so that he was crushed down on his back, Jack's weight on top of him. Jack rearranged his hand, pushing up the thin fabric of Daniel's shirt and slipping his hand down over Daniel's belly, under his waistband, until he was cupping Daniel's crotch, his fingers moving cleverly, making Daniel gasp and squirm.
"You can't be both," Jack said with certainty, and he pressed down strongly with his hips, so that the ridge of his erection was hot, high up on Daniel's bare thigh.
"All that history and all this wanting you is feeling a while lot like love to me. And you can't be both," Jack said. "I just don't see how you could be both," he whispered, and then Jack kissed him, tasting like beer and apple pie and salt, where his tears slipped between their lips.
"How can you be Daniel anymore, if I want to do this with you?"