Chapter Text
Three social media accounts, 12 million followers, and two verifications later @incorrectavengers is one of the top incorrect account there is. No one knows exactly who owns the account, and there has been multiple attempt at hacking into it by people all over the world - some say even the Avengers themselves - but to no result. Their follower and content grows, far more than anyone could expect and now millions of people wait with bated breath for their next post.
They wait, especially, for the intern. The legend, the myth, and the blue moon. Tony Stark’s intern.
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The first time it happened, Peter didn’t notice.
MJ looks after the accounts on Mondays and Tuesdays, so she was in charge queueing, posting, answering questions. As high quality as their content is, it was getting a bit monotonous with only the Avengers as their source of entertainment. MJ noticed that some of their followers had been requesting to put Spider-man into the mix. MJ agreed with their sentiment, she’ll bring this up in the group chat later.
It was lunchtime and Peter had just ran out to help a robbery down the road, so Ned sat with her at the lunch table. “Man, I hope Peter gets back in time, we’ve only got 15 minutes left.” Her friend watched the timer on his phone as the seconds tick by.
“It’s a small robbery, or so he said, so he’d better be. Or you’ll have to call Stark.”
Ned’s eyes bulged in panic, after an incident a few weeks back no one is particularly in the mood to call Iron Man and say hey your protégé son mentee was hurt saving the city and its people when he’s supposed to be at school . Michelle refused to admit it, but even she can’t help the shiver that runs up her spine at the idea.
To distract herself, she opened their shared document to check on what content they have left. That’s when she saw the new addition to their folder. “Ned, did you make a new word doc?”
“Uh, no? I haven’t checked on anything since last Friday. Why- oh my god don’t tell me it’s hacked!”
“No, at least I don’t think so…” She double clicked on the document icon, and they both sat together waiting for the slow internet to load, “Huh.”
“Huh.”
“You reckon he’d mind if we use this?”
For once, MJ didn’t have a reply. Her expression softened without her consent as she read the first few lines of the document. Peter must have written this as an archive of Tony’s words to him - if you eliminate the dumb ones of course. “Looks like a gold mine to be honest, but we’re only using the… less emotional ones.”
She let Ned have a closer look at the document and he soon nodded without another word. “Yeah,” Emotion riddles his voice, “yeah let’s just use… the others. I hope this doesn’t backfire on us.”
“Well, the people have been asking for Spider-man content, they didn’t specify which part one.”
@incorrectavengers
Employee: This is bad! Someone hacked into the system and they’re playing despacito through the R&D department non-stop!
Tony Stark:
Employee:
No.1 intern: *slowly closes laptop*
Tony Stark:
No.1 intern: that’s so sad, FRIDAY play despacito.
[despacito plays to screaming intern]
Peter was too busy being yelled at by Mrs. Borris for being 5 minutes late to class, again , to notice anything.
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2.
The second time only happened after Peter skulked about for 8 days and 4 hours. Peter knew it was his fault for putting that document in the shared one, not his private account. He was running on 4 cups of coffee, 3 snicker bars, 3 hour sleep and an unsurprising bout of late night anxiety. So sue him. Or don’t. Neither May or he would be able to afford a lawyer, but hey maybe Tony would recommend him one for a discount?
No matter that. 2 days after the initial intern post, as the people call it, Peter was pissed that they’d done it without asking him for permission. Ned apologised profusely and even MJ made a point of saying sorry and being nice (read: gentle shoulder tap instead of arm punch for greeting) for the whole week and by the end of it he was milking it for what it’s worth. He called them to a meeting on Saturday, he wasn’t going to the Tower that weekend because May had the time off.
When his friends arrive, they were mildly cautious but gave him a warm smile as they both trickle into the living room. May has left a few minutes earlier to buy them lunch and subsequently giving the teenagers time to plot world domination .
Peter cleared his throat, “So,” Picking at his shirt sleeve as he prepared for what he’s going to say, “it wasn’t cool what you guys did, but I kinda get it people are asking for more recently and this is new material. I- I’m not angry I just wished you guys had asked me beforehand you know?” Ned and MJ nodded, chastised.
“Thank you for not using… the other stuff in the document.” He started pacing now, “I admit the prank’s pretty funny… and people seem to like it. So, I- I don’t mind posting it to the account from time to time.”
MJ grabbed his shirt to keep him in place while Ned coaxed him to sit down. “Hey loser, don’t worry about other people. We’ll never do it again if that’s what you want, this is… you and his moments. If you want to keep it that way, no one can change our minds.”
“Yeah Peter, just say the word bro. We can also take down the post if you want to.”
“No, no, it’s fine… Mr. Star- Tony was okay with it and he thought it was funny too. But, but can I decide what we post on this?”
“Peter, one word from you and none of those post would exist at all, but yes, you can choose anything you want.” Peter smiled brightly at MJ, she may seem cold but she’s one of the kindest ( and beautiful, smart, amazing, strong, independent ) person Peter knows. “Thanks MJ.”
“I have a question.” Ned piped up all of a sudden.
“Yeah?”
“Dude, you play pranks in the Avengers Tower?”
“ Stark Tower, to be correct, after that walmart fight but yeah sometimes.”
“How many jello packets would you need to cover an iron man helmet, like not the real thing, but maybe a replica?”
“Ned, if I do use the jello again Tony would literally kill me.”
“Agai- you know what, forget I asked, your life man. What about… How many balloons do you think you can fit in Tony Stark’s lab?”
MJ rolled her eyes at the boys’ stupid antics, but who was she to stop them?
3 weeks later.
@incorrectavengers
(Tony Stark’s lab)
No.1 intern:
Tony Stark:
No.1 intern: it takes 967 ball00ns t0 fill T0ny Stark’s lab
[intern murder in progress]
Pepper stifled a laughter at Tony’s annoyed expression, “Did he really?”
“Oh yeah. I’m sending Natasha to kill him.”
“She’s just going to give him a high five.” Tony flopped to their bed and groaned. “You do realize Rhodey probably had a hand in it as well right?”
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3.
Ever since the first two post about Tony Stark’s intern went out, a number of people in SI starts searching for him. It may be an incorrect account, but what happened was more than horrifyingly accurate. The post never mentioned specifically he was Tony Stark’s intern, but no other intern interact often with the owner of Stark Industries, nor do they have the gall to speak the man like that or do what No. 1 intern did. Rumour had been flying around that the eccentric man himself had gotten an intern earlier in the year but no one believed it.
That is, until the Despa-don’t-talk-about-it event in R&D happened and no one was punished, or even the balloon catastrophe in Tony Stark’s personal lab - two of the many weird events that appeared in the posts! Some intern who was tasked to help in the clean up said they saw no one responsible in there, but they did hear indignant yelling and laughter a few doors down. But mostly were too distracted on the fact they were in Tony Stark’s personal lab to clean up balloons to pay attention to anything else.
They also swore they saw Iron Patriot or Colonel Rhodes walk into the lab, burst into laughter, and left.
Marisa, Head Intern of SI’s R&D department, suggested a little manhunt and everyone agreed. Even Greg, Head Intern from Public Relations. “Those posts are hilarious, and SI received more positive feedback from those twitter post than our bloody charity balls,” He admitted. “I’m just as curious as you are.”
So Marisa drafted a plan, a systematic approach which she insisted upon - backed by three more participant, and Greg pulled up all newcomers information to cross-reference. The manhunt began.
Their breakthrough didn’t come so much as revolutionary, more like… an interesting turn of events?
The manhunt team had a brief meeting on Thursday when Peter popped into their shared offices, greeting them with bright spring sun smile, “Hey guys! Mr. Stark brought some sandwiches for everyone, grab ‘em while they’re still warm!”
Three out of seven genius light switch flicked on at once. Huh .
“I would say hot, but Mr. Stark got distracted by an ice cream truck and we-”
Tony Stark himself intruded the room, “Nuh uh you rascal, you’re the one distracted with the ice cream truck like the 5 year old you are.” He pinched his thumb and forefinger together, barely a space between them, “You were this close to getting kidnapped by ice cream selling clowns.”
Two more genius light switch flicked on. Uh huh .
Peter, whined in that puppy whine of his, “They’re not clowns , Mr. Stark. You’re the one who got distracted by the spider-man ice pop, not me.” Padma had to be held down to stop her from leaping across the room and ruffling Peter’s hair.
Mr. Stark beat her to it first anyway, “What can I say kid, I’m a big fan.”
The final two genius light switch flicked on. Oh what the f-
Peter rolled his eyes as Mr. Stark clapped his back and steered him away, “Alright Pete, let’s leave the actual hardworking interns to their jobs, yes? Baby Pete should go back to his playpen.”
The billionaire just laughed at the teenager’s reddening face, “Ohmygod, Tony I’m not a toddler!” He paused. “Or dog.”
“No no, not a dog. Just a puppy.”
“I’m telling Ms. Potts you’re bullying me.”
“She’s just going to look sad you’re calling her Ms. Potts again and then agree with me.”
“I’m telling ‘Tasha then.”
Their voices fades away from the office, where seven interns sat. Dumbstruck.
“How much do you like having your cheeks pinched.”
“Spiders don’t betray each other.”
They no longer hear their conversation but the joyful laughter or Tony Stark echoed the corridor for hours to pass.
Peter covered his face with two jacket sleeve covered palms as FRIDAY sent an elevator to the floor, but before the doors closed on Tony and him, he heard Marisa choke out a sentence that made him smile.
[not posted]
@incorrectavengers
R&D Intern: That’s not an intern, that’s a son
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4.
Ned, Mj and he were in decathlon training when Cindy shrieked and punched Abe in the face with her excitement. “A cat!”
The whole team swung their head around to where their teammate was pointing and sure enough, by the window sill was a black kitten the size of a tennis ball. The room fell to hushed silence as the feline wobbled into the open gap and mewed, effectively killing the occupants with cuteness. It took the rest of their practice time to decide who the kitten goes with. Abe and Flash both have pets that are not good with cats. Cindy’s little brother is allergic. There’s hardly anyone in MJ’s house to look after a cat. Ned’s grandmother is scared of black cats.
So it’s left with Peter. Who had internship. At Stark Tower. Who thought this was a good idea again?
“It’ll be fine,” MJ said, “It’s not as if Tony Stark can say no to two kittens at a time.”
Abe rubbed his face in the background, muttering to nobody, “Huh, I’d peg Parker as a puppy not a kitten.”
“Yeah,” Ned said, traitor that he is, “I’m sure he’ll be fine with it. There’s lot of space in the tower.”
So here he was, fidgeting in his seat as Happy drove him to the tower. Peter noticed the man sneak a look at him from time to time, but luckily the kitten was silent throughout the drive, seemingly fallen asleep in fact. Something Peter wanted to do himself. When Happy pulled the car over the curb, he shot out the backseat with a quick, “Bye Happy! Thanks Happy!”, before the man could say anything.
Peter smiled and accepted quick pats on the shoulder on his way to the private elevator, giving Emma at the reception a toothy smile. He pressed the button to call the elevator, and waited. Ding . “Welcome back Peter, Boss is waiting for you at the lab but he said you should grab a snack before joining him.”
“It’s alright FRI, I’m still pretty full.”
There was a second of judgemental silence before the AI spoke again, “Incorrect. By my calculations your metabolism would have processed your lunch approximately 17 minutes ago.” Peter rolled his eyes. “The Baby Feeding protocol requires that you consume a minimum of 350 calorie in the next half hour. Would you like some snack Peter?”
“I hardly think that suggestion is any more than a threat FRI.”
“I can always call for Ms. Potts.”
Peter swallowed hardly. “Snack sounds like a good idea!”
The teen stepped off the elevator and headed to the fully stocked fridge, grabbing half a sandwich and picked out a ham for the kitten in his sweater. Careful to keep his movement from FRIDAY’s cameras. To keep the AI off his back, Peter picked up an apple and shoved it in his mouth. “‘Anks fwry!”
Pleased with Peter’s arsenal of food, the elevator’s door opened again to bring him up to Tony’s lab. Classic rock blasts through the glass door as Tony worked to the music and as per protocol, FRIDAY lowered the volume for Peter’s enhanced hearing.
“Pete!” Tony perked up. “You came just in time, I think I’ve got the wiring done for your suit. You want to update your suit lady?”
Estaticaly, Peter jumped to the air at the announcement. “Karen’s going to love her new updates! Ned has this idea to-”
“Boss, I have detected unauthorised presence in the lab.”
Peter sweats.
A gauntlet materialises on Tony’s arm in the one movement he got to pull Peter to his side, “What? Who?”
“Uh, yeah, what? Who?” Peter can feel Tony’s hand stiffen, clasp around his arm. The man turned to regard him, slowly.
With all the brilliant timing in the world, the kitten meowed. Climbing on Peter’s chest to poke its head out.
@incorrectavengers
FRIDAY: I have detected unauthorised presence in the lab
Tony Stark: What? Who??
No.1 intern: What? Who??
Tony Stark:
No.1 intern’s jumper: *meows*
No.1 intern: look I can explain
Tony Stark:
No.1 intern: i cannot explain
“I still don’t understand why we can’t keep the cat! I promise to come over everyday and clean up Tony!”
“Yeah, kid, no.” Tony reached his arm out, head down, and Peter passed the ¼ inch wrench to his mentor. “Besides,” Tony sniffed, “I thought we agreed Reindeer Games needed a friend that’s not going to try and murder him.”
“I mean yeah…”
Tony continued, “And you were the one who suggested giving it to Lord Mischief.”
“I didn’t realise you’d actually agree to it.” Peter took the wrench from Tony’s outstretched arm and passed him another size. “I just… miss the little black blob.”
Silence hung in the air until Tony set his tools down and swivelled Peter’s chair to face him.
“Hey, what do you say we pay them a visit next week?” Peter’s head shot up, “Dr. Wizard owes me a favor and we can go on an impromptu trip to Norway. You, me, Pepper and May.” With Pete’s bright shining eyes, Tony smiled, “You can even bring Ted and Scary Girl if you want. Thor needs more friend too- oof! “
Peter nuzzled deep into the man’s oil stained shirt, hugging the life out of him. “You’re the best D- Tony.”
“Yeah.” Voice thick with emotion, “I know kid.”
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5.
Peter really thought he was joking when Tony said he should file a patent for his stupid projects. The 3D printed prosthetic design he made for a school project, his experimental webbing (that closed up his stab wound once), and the industrial strength glue that he made for Shuri’s prank (it involved acrobatics and attaching heavy things onto ceilings - they were both grounded after that, no regrets tho). He thought Tony was still joking when the man pushed three sets of patent application for him to sign. Oh ha ha practice for the future, thanks for the confidence in me Tony. Tony gave him a raised eyebrow and chuckled in amusement, ruffling his hair the next minute. “Oh you know it kiddo.” He said.
Peter didn’t really think it was a joke anymore when May and Pepper greeted him at the Tower’s living room with party hats, poppers, a cake with chocolate icing and a huge banner that said: Congrats on your first (three) patents! In large font and an upside down spider-man decorating the side.
Tony laughed at his expression and blew a party horn at his dumbstruck face making him splutter. “Wha- Mr- Tony, Pepper, May?! What’s going on?”
May rushed up to cover her nephew in a tight hug, “Oh sweet baby, Pepper told me you applied patents for your projects and all of them got approved! Honey, I’m so proud of you.”
Peter’s eyes found Tony’s amused brandy brown ones in panic, “Those applications weren’t for practice?” He heard Pepper gasp before his mentor could reply, “You didn’t tell him it was an actual application?!”
“I did! It’s not my fault our spider-baby is oblivious!” Tony rubbed his head pitifully after his fiancé decided to hit him upside the head. “And besides, at least he wasn’t a jittery mess for three weeks waiting for the results, I think I did everyone a favour not correcting him.”
Pepper narrowed her eyes at the man. “No, he’s not. Instead you almost drove me crazy with your jittering.” Tony squawked, “I do not jitter!” Resulting in Pepper rolling her eyes at his antics.
She turned to Peter and took his hands, “It must be a surprise Peter, but whether you intended it or not, we are so proud of you,” Peter blinked back tears at her soft acknowledgement, “I know it’s still new and all, but SI would love to work with you to make sure your works are made to good use.”
“Huh?”
Tony clasp his shoulder encouragingly, “Pepper brought up the patents earlier in a board meeting and we’ve been having new investors making contact.” His mentor held a firm and encouraging contact with him, “We were hoping you’d let me and SI help make your projects come through. Starting with the prosthetic, we can do that for any-”
“Maria Stark Foundation.” Peter choked out. “I want to do it for the Foundation.” Tony blinked at him. “Okay?”
May nodded in understanding, “Peter, that’s an amazing idea.”
“Okay? I mean it doesn’t have to be an SI foundation, it can be anything you want kid.” Peter shook his head, adamant. “It means a lot to me.”
“When Peter’s parents passed away he had to be sent to an orphanage for a week while we waited for the papers to be finalised.” Tony and Pepper looked at May when she spoke up, “We were worried for Peter because you know how child services can be sometimes, but- but Ben and I were so relieved when the orphanage treated him so well, even helped with his grief. Then we found out it was under Maria Stark Foundation’s care.”
Tony spent the rest of the afternoon half dazed and allowed a teenage parasite to cling to him. Tony would deny clinging back, but when Peter and his aunt were leaving for the night, the kid hugged him tight and whispered the most sincere, “Thank you Tony.” He almost refused to let go. ]
Weeks later, Tony invited Peter to a board meeting with the investors that were interested in Peter’s works. He even begged Bruce to tag along so he could give Peter a little comfort when he’s busy wrangling board member twats. He knew what they were like - lo and behold they don’t dissapoint.
Fergus Graves was a new board member, replacing his older counterpart from their Italian branch, and he raised his eyebrows when Peter’s patents were presented. Peter just finished a presentation on his ideas and Tony took over to explain the production process. He huffed and threw the report lightly on the table, but it echoed as his huff cut Tony off. “Come now, do we have to go through the young genius pretense here? StarK Industries is already known for its charities and foundations, we don’t need a fake genius sob story.”
You can hear a pin drop.
Clearly Mr. Vigrino didn’t do his handover very well. Tony struggled to keep his rage in check, he was a second to self-combusting when he saw Peter’s downturned face, looking ashamed of himself. Pepper beat him to it.
“You are indeed correct Mr. Graves, we need no pretense. SI only employs the brightest mind and Mr. Parker have no qualms in living up to being SI’s proud young inventor.” A pause. “But it seems Mr. Vigrino wasn’t very thorough in choosing his successor.” A few investors and other board members laughed. Nervously.
“Wait, so you’re telling me a kid invented all these things by himself?”
Tony scoffed and picked up his jacket. “What, like it’s hard? He’s my intern.”
Bruce had to hide his smile when Peter’s face lit up like the sun decided to shine on him alone. Hulk’s self-nicknamed Puny Man Friend beckoned to Peter and him. “Come on Brucie Bear, I think Pete here needs his walk and some ice-cream.”
“But- Mr. Stark, we’re still in-”
“Oh, I’m sure Miss. Potts is more than happy to handle the rest of the adult stuff without jittery scientists in the room.” He threw a wink at his fiancé, who waved it away, making the room laugh genuinely.
Bruce knew what his friend was trying to do, so he pulled Peter out the chair with him. Later that night when the building sleeps and only Tony and he were awake in the private lab would he say, “You’re a good dad Tony. Peter’s lucky to have you.”
He let the silence eat the night away as Tony smiled softly at the picture they took together earlier that day. Peter with his three scoop and Tony with his double. A father and son by everything but blood.
@incorrectavengers
[board meeting]
New assh@le : Wait, so you’re telling me a kid invented all these things by himself?
No.1 intern: :(((
Tony Stark : What, like it’s hard? He’s my intern.
No.1 intern: :)))
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+1
Peter rarely gets sick. The one time Peter did get sick, he stayed over at the tower for observation by the Bruce Banner. Because not telling anyone he had a 105F fever was cause for concern and Tony grounded him for a week. He was sick, bored, and ridden with fever delirium. Whoever let him on social media at that point in time is horribly dumb.
Bruce had just left to synthesize the medication he needed for Peter’s fever and Tony grumbled his way out of the room about reckless, stupid genius, and sick as a bat teenagers and something about chicken soup. Not before announcing he was grounded until 30. Pepper ensured him Tony only meant a week and kissed him on his sweaty forehead, “Take a nap sweetie, you’ll feel better soon okay? Tony will get back to you with some broth in a bit.” The she left him to his own devices.
So Peter lay there, with a 3 hour countdown to Hurricane May (she promised to kill him after her shift) and promptly picked up his phone for entertainment. He tried humming a song but his throat hurt like Sandman decided to live in it and sounded like a 300 year old mummy. If, of course, 300 year old mummies could speak.
The twitter app beckoned him and he figured he should check on today’s post. He saw the feed almost straight away. His fever made him laugh like a 5 year old succeeding a prank and replied to the tweet.
@incorrectavengers
No.1 intern: if I run and leap at Mr. Stark, he will most certainly catch me in his arms
No.1 intern: Coming in!
Tony Stark: NO! IM HOLDING COFFEE!
@incorrectavengers replying to @incorrectavengers
Coffee: spilt
Tony Stark: unimpressed
No.1 intern: smug
No.1 intern: I am forcibly grounded on bot cleaning duty
@peter-intern-parker replying to @incorrectavengers
I’m still on bot duty
@ironmanduh replying to @peter-intern-parker
Yes, you are and you should be sleeping fever boy
@peter-intern-parker replying to @ironmanduh
Okay da *love hearts and shining stars*
The internet blew up. (Again.)
When Peter woke the next morning after his fever broke, he had an extra 2 million subscriber on his twitter and instagram account and possibly a headache. Neither Tony or May was sympathetic at his panicked face. Only Pepper did.
Well that’s that then. Pepper is officially his favourite now.