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In the beginning, when two people meet and “fall in love”, they truly cannot see each other accurately. The precise biological chemical combination that makes up the feeling known as “falling in love” prevents you from seeing the other person’s flaws. As it wanes, even when you see them and their flaws, you become amused by them or find the flaws endearing. It’s quite literally a chemical imbalance in the brain that is very similar to insanity. The phenomenon of falling in love causes you to detach from reality while you bond.
Even though I am completely aware of this, it does nothing to deter these solid concrete feelings of mine. It's irrational and I know it. His constant demeaning words crushing my hope and abating my trust. My confidence is nothing but an insecure little thing brushed off into the deep corners of my heart, now occupied by his overbearing and insolent presence.
But this is my own undoing, I let him in there. Every beat and swell is a sign of my growing desire and affections, each pulse an indicator of my surging delusions. I can't help my self, and soon I'll be caught with my filthy hands inside the cookie jar.
Like a moth to a flame, I'm magnetized by some indefinable and powerful force. I want to be enveloped in his scorching warmth. Burn alive in those vengeful sparks, knowing he'll stand there and step on my ashes with smoke billowing around him enviously encompassing him in a way I can only yearn to do.
Self-destructive.
Is what they call me.
Not only to describe my so called dedicated heroism.
There are those who say they find it commendable, that I am virtuous, that my selflessness is admirable, but there are those who know.
Those who are more observant, and have an eye for the play behind the act. The face behind the mask.
Privy to my thoughts.
They know.
There is only one.
He is the key to my ignition. I am but a tree in the forest, when he is a wild fire untamed and ablaze, devouring those who dare venture with in proximity of him, and I'd give anything just to be there. Inhaling and choking on the fumes.
I've asked plenty of times. What is wrong with me?
Why. Why. Why. Why. Why. Why him?
Now I doubt the integrity of those words.
Why not?
I'm in too deep to just take a step back. He is all I see. He is all I know for sure. I can count on him.
Independent and intuitive.
Practical and prudent.
Aggressive and astute.
He is perfection and swears like a sailor.
One can easily find them selves falling for him. His rugged handsome looks. Wine red eyes that immediately demand and grab your attention. Spiky tufts of ash-blond hair deceivingly soft. Strong sturdy muscles, and captivatingly prominent chest. Course hands that are incessantly damp and soaked with the Carmel coated smell of nitroglycerin. That seemingly permanent scowl that ever so often softens into something small and subtle, can't really call it a smile, but I like to entertain myself that it is.
Kacchan
I hold onto that name with dear life. It is mine. I call it my own. Something that binds us to each other, as he called me Deku. Though I've carelessly shared this name to rest of the world, I possess the name Kacchan.
He is my dearest, my beloved. I will never come to love anyone else in my life more than him and I have come to terms with this.
I admire him as a hero, I cherish him as a friend, and I love him shamelessly in all positions and dimensions.
His passion breathes life into my very core, the very essence of my being.
The bigggest mistake was our inevitable encounter as children. It was predestined. Neighbors will be neighbors, and thy shall love thy neighbor.
Nervous and impressionable, there is no doubt in my mind I would have been caught up in Kacchan's antics one way or another.
He was a natural born leader, and I was enticed by his breathtaking firecracker hands. Palms give way to torches. Hot to the touch yet he seemed unaffected.
Speechless.
This devilish pyromaniac had me by my throat from the very first day we met and I haven't been able to breath properly since.
I need him. I want him.
But Kacchan is unpossesable.
Unattainable.
He belongs to no one.
For if he were obtained his flame would be snuffed out, and if you were to try he would burn threateningly engulfing you with his blast and infesting you with his blaze. Leaving you to fester on the ground with nothing but ash in your lungs and on your tongue. An incorrigible inferno, he is Ground Zero.
An eruption you can only stand back and watch.
Yes, I truly must have lost my mind.
I tread over to Kacchan by second nature, approaching him frivolously and flighty.
"Kacchan!" I beamed with less then pure intentions.
"What is it now, Deku?" He asked impatiently.
"I love you."
He paused, stiff and evidently unsettled every time I confessed these words.
"You're insane."
I smiled, something that didn't really reach my eyes. I gave a short chuckle that sounded resigned.
"I know."