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Kids, one day Marshall pulled me aside at MacLaren's with an important question to ask. He was subtle about it, like a lawyer leading a witness into a trap. We talked about Easter vacation plans
"Do you think Mom's going to let me in to her home after my last visit?"
"As long as you promise to leave."
and the weird way that the Salvation Army seemed to vanish off the streets after Christmas
"They have to be benevolent aliens from another dimension that's only in sync with our dimension once a year! It's the only explanation that makes sense!"
and the Mosque near Ground Zero
"I agree, but the architecture is a travesty."
and then Marshall sprang it on me.
Zoey. In the winter of 2011 Zoey and I had finally started a relationship, and it was getting serious fast. We spent an incredibly romantic Valentine's Day together and I spent most of my time talking Marshall's ear off about how amazing she was. So it was time for the question he eventually asked me about all of my girlfriends.
So, here we were. Me and Zoey, quickly learning more and more about each other and liking what we found a whole lot. And my best friend, always looking out for me, pushing on a topic that I was trying to avoid.
"Is it a problem that Zoey's not Jewish, Ted?"
"Of course it's not!"
But it was.
You kids know that I'm not the most religious of people. Your mother is lucky if she can drag me out of bed on Yom Kippur morning in time for say Yizkor for your grandfather. But Zoey was a little WASPy even for me. She couldn't tell the difference between a spritz and shmaltz to save her life.
"Hey, there's a Woody Allen festival at the Angelika. Want to tag along?"
"You like his movies? His voice is too nasal, isn't it?
"C'mon... You're a New Yorker. You have to love Woody Allen! He's the classic New York filmmaker. Bananas, Annie Hall, Manhattan... He even made a movie called Manhattan!"
"Sorry, Ted, I just don't like him."
"Okay, fine. I think Stuart wanted to go with me anyway. We'll have some boys time."
It wasn't a big deal. There are always things that separate two people in a couple. There are always interests that one person has and the other doesn't. Part of forming an adult relationship is finding space for those things as well as the things you share. But I was starting to have doubts about whether I could date someone so goyish. And then Zoey surprised me.
"Hey," she said, squeezing my hand softly. "I want to go to Jewish church with you."
My eyes widened in shock. Surely she was joking. But I looked into her eyes and saw that she was dead serious, as serious as she had been about saving the Arcadian. "Okay," I said. "But here's your first lesson in Reform Judaism. We say Temple, not Jewish Church."
"I want to go to Temple with you," she repeated after me, and we began the process of learning about Judaism together.