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The afternoon sun was already setting, gifting the front door of Hoseok’s home with last warm touch for the day. The owner of the house stood in front of it, casting the shadow on the green wood, threatened to inevitably be hugged by darkness soon. With winter already being in full swing, the days were short and cold and even though Hoseok felt uncomfortable with both the temperature and a pair of eyes resting on him, he couldn’t help but feel sympathetic.
“Why are you still here?” he whispered, knowing it was pointless, as much as it was ridiculous and kept his eyes on a small creature as he blindly unlocked the door and finally stepped into the house.
Busying himself with putting the things he bought for Christmas celebration away, the twenty seven year old architect’s thoughts wandered to the time when he first realized the little green animal might be more than just an occasional visitor of his garden. It happened a couple of months after he rebuilt the house his late grandpa left to him, made it his small oasis that, in his mind, kept him safe from the cruel outside world, and more than a year has passed since that dreadful moment.
Having a frog invade his space like that, bask in his small piece of heaven on earth was a preposterous thought to Hoseok, something close to blasphemy. The truth was that he was terribly afraid of frogs, so he was desperate to get rid of the small creature somehow, without hurting it. He had no clue what to do about the situation and his best friends were of no help whatsoever - Kihyun not really understanding what all the fuss was about as “little green fellow obviously had manners, wasn’t trying to get into the house and was minding his own business” and Changkyun was… Changkyun.
“You’re heartless! Pepe never did anything wrong to you and you’re leaving him to freeze to death during winter!” The youngest member of their little circle of friends would exclaim, cradling the small animal he had the nerve to bring into the house and failing to draw reaction he wanted from Hoseok as the owner of the house just eyed the frog wearily.
“Don’t call it that, it doesn’t have a name. Besides, frogs are supposed to hibernate during winter. It can just go to the bottom of the pond, it already claimed it as its home anyway.” Hoseok rolled his eyes.
“So you do care about Pepe… and yes, it’s his name, I’ve been calling him that ever since you started living together in this strange family arrangement you guys have.” Changkyun grinned, watching his green friend get cozy on his lap now, still staring in Hoseok’s direction, as if trying to scare him on purpose.
“Ribbit!”
Hoseok stepped back in panic and sighed.
“I asked you to take it with you if you love it so much…” He simply said, wishing for anyone to just save him from his misery.
“You know Ki wouldn’t let me.” Changkyun pouted this time, throwing judging glare at his boyfriend, while Kihyun took advantage of Hoseok’s cozy kitchen, making sure to perfect the delicious Sunday lunch for the three of them.
“A small apartment that barely has space for the two of us is no place for animals…” He replied. “... no matter how small they are. I am not taking care of a frog, one naked kid is enough, thank you.”
Changkyun let out a small huff, but smiled at his green friend a moment later, shrugging a bit.
“So, that’s it, you’ll just have to continue enjoying the perks of Hoseok hyung’s garden, Pepe.”
Hoseok let out a small groan and moved to Kihyun, preparing some warm tea and trying to ignore the stare he could feel on the back of his neck.
“Just… don’t let it like… jump away or something. And take it out with you when you go.” He replied quickly. “And can you please make it stop staring at me? It’s freaky, it does it all the time!”
It was true. It was something that made Hoseok even more uncomfortable as time passed by. His first encounter with “Pepe” as Changkyun called it, took place at his front door one drunken summer night. That night appeared so surreal in Hoseok’s memory, carrying the taste of intoxication, bad memories and starless sky waiting to cry. The bright green color of his front door had a dull shade under the moonlight and he found himself turning his back and leaning against it after a long moment of him trying to unlock it. With a deep sigh and through the blurriness of his own eyes he spotted a small, equally green, but very much alive creature staring at him. The sight made him shake his head, dismissing the image as his mind playing tricks with him, making the evening worse than it already was, before he turned back to the door and, after another moment of struggle, finally unlocked it.
The following morning carried a headache and exhaustion with it and, as he slowly found his way to the kitchen and much needed coffee, Hoseok was glad that it was weekend. It was the end of June and the rainy spell was slowly falling upon Seoul, the sun playing peekaboo behind the clouds. Hoseok glanced towards it as he leaned against the sink in his kitchen, but his attention was taken by a small movement in the corner of his window. He furrowed his eyebrows and almost shrieked as the frog from his last night’s nightmare stared at him again, quickly retreating from the kitchen and running to his phone.
“I’m telling you Kihyun, there’s a frog on my window and it won’t stop staring at me.”
“And I’m telling you to calm down.” Kihyun replied from the other side. “I don’t know if you’re still drunk from yesterday… or lonely… or there’s really a frog there, but either way there’s no reason for you to panic. The window is closed, the door is closed, you have a beautiful garden and the frog probably likes it. Let it be.”
Hoseok couldn’t comment on anything Kihyun has said because, well, everything was true. Still, it didn’t help his fear for little green nasty creatures and it certainly didn’t help his annoyance with two big eyes boring into him. The frog continued appearing, waiting in front of the front door for him to come back home whenever he would go out, sitting by the window while he was washing dishes, watching him in his workroom as he was working. However, soon he got bored of running to the phone and whining to Kihyun about it every time it happened. He knew Kihyun was extremely bored of him too. Changkyun, on the other hand, was eager to hear “the latest episode of “The adventures of Pepe”, but Hoseok found no joy in retelling them to the young physicist.
As the summer passed and days steadily started getting colder, Hoseok realized the frog had no intention of leaving. In some weird way he got used to another presence behind his windows, to the point of not paying attention to the animal anymore. Sometimes, when he would actually acknowledge it, there was a strange feeling, a dangerous thought he would toy with, a whisper that shamelessly told him that maybe the two of them were the same. Alone and put together like this. A small sound of “Ribbit.” would come as a reply to it, muffled behind the glass, and the stare of big round eyes meeting his own would emphasize what seemed to be the confirmation of the silly thought. Hoseok was losing his mind in the most ridiculous way possible.
“I live with a frog.” The young architect muttered to himself now, arranging the dining table and decorating the living room, slowly enveloping his home into a festive mode. The sentence made him laugh a bit bitterly. “My parents would be proud…” He added, shaking his head and willing himself to stop thinking about it, a moment later glad for the doorbell breaking that line of thought finally. Kihyun and Changkyun always made his home look more lively, brought that special smell of family and Hoseok was grateful - even if it meant “Pepe” being on this side of the walls with them.
“I’m so happy we’re going to spend a week together! When is Hyunwoo hyung coming?” Changkyun exclaimed as soon as he got out of his snowy boots and practically ran into Hoseok’s couch, making sure to take care of his green friend that looked like it belonged there more with each passing minute of them all being together.
“He said him and Minhyuk will be here around 7. He’ll pick up Jooheon too, did Honey tell you?” Hoseok replied, already helping Kihyun in the kitchen.
“Yeah.” The youngest replied, putting on some Christmas music before getting up and instructing the frog to behave - like it was a dog, then moving to finish putting the decorations up.
The evening carried on smoothly, with their three friends joining them for Christmas Eve dinner filled with joyful chatter, games, lots of great food - courtesy of Kihyun, some awesome photos - courtesy of Kihyun, and probably unreasonable amount of drinks that couldn’t go well with the holiday, but none of them cared. Gathering together meant letting loose and even though Kihyun and Hyunwoo - being the reasonable adults in their little group didn’t approve of it in the beginning of their friendship there was nothing that could stop the younger ones practically get wasted.
Hoseok belonged to the younger ones even though he was older than most of them, after so many years and holidays spent together it was accepted as a well-known fact, making the rest of the group feel a certain sense of responsibility towards the twenty seven year old. They were a bunch of different people who somehow fit together like a puzzle, despite their differences. The young architect, the one to bring them together and provide a home to all of them, a place where family was, was a sweet soul, a soft ball of love that made all of his friends smile and feel protective over. In their eyes he was too fragile for the world of grown-ups, a grown-up child who wore his innocence and pure heart right under the thin surface of manly body, respectable career and one painful scar.
At the arrival of Christmas five of them silently wished for Hoseok to heal and be happy. Hoseok wished for the moments of all of them being together to last for eternity.
“Time for bed, Changkyun-ah. Come on…” Kihyun stood up from his seat next to his boyfriend, eyeing him and hoping he won’t have to carry him as everyone else already went to sleep some time ago, not being able to finish watching the movie Changkyun seemed to be absorbed in despite the amount of drinks he inhaled.
“I’ll be there in a moment. You go first.” Changkyun tried not to slur his words, getting up as well, surprisingly steady on his feet.
“Okay…” The older one looked at him one last time and moved to get ready for bed, leaving Changkyun alone with his beloved green friend.
“Hey… You’re not going out, okay?” He whispered to the frog conspiratively. “You have to be good though... “ He let out a small giggle, moving upstairs to where the bedrooms were and heading straight to the one belonging to the owner of the house. “You know that silly story? About frog and the princess that kisses him? Hoseok hyung could make a perfect princess, don’t you think?” Changkyun tried to contain his giggles, looking from his sleeping hyung back to the frog. The frog that seemed to not be amused by his drunken rambling. “So, let’s do the experiment!” He tried to exclaim, causing the sleeping guy to stir and quietly giggling again. “Let’s kiss.”
The young physicist moved, bringing the frog to Hoseok’s face and giggling more at the thought of his hyung freaking out if he were awake and aware of the cute animal being so close to him. He finally pressed the frog to Hoseok’s lips and waited for a long moment, before sighing in disappointment.
“And the experiment failed. My hypothesis was wrong.” He frowned at the frog. “Well… you should still sleep here, this bed is the coziest in the house, you know? You’re getting the royal treatment from me, even though you’re obviously not a prince.” The frog seemed to send another glare in his direction. Changkyun knew he was imagining things at this point, but considering the level of intoxication he was at, it was really no wonder. “Sleep well, Pepe.” He grinned, placing the small animal on the pillow next to Hoseok’s and silently leaving the room.
***
“Aah… what the…” Hoseok groaned as his backside collided with the floor, but he continued to stare at the person on his bed.
“I lo…” The tall, naked guy murmured sleepily, but then instantly widened his eyes and brought his hand to his mouth, as if shutting himself up. He looked down at his own form and practically screamed, grabbing the sheets to cover himself and looking around in panic.
“Fuck… who the hell are you?” Hoseok couldn’t help but yell again, not being able to look away from the stranger. He was wasted last night, yes, but all his friends were around and it was Christmas Eve and he was still in his bed, there was no way for a random strange guy to be in his bed. But apparently there was.
“What’s going on?” The door opened with Kihyun stepping inside, followed by the rest of their friends. The strange guy looked at all of them in panic, pulling the sheets further to himself.
“No, no, no, no, this can’t be happening…” He groaned, shaking his head frantically. “This is bad…” Hoseok on the other hand scrambled to his feet finally and moved to put a sweater and sweatpants on, feeling strangely exposed even though he wasn’t completely naked. He still had no idea what was going on and the horrible headache wasn’t helping.
“Wait… who are you?” Changkyun stared at the tall guy.
“Funny how you don’t know, considering you literally named me and were the only one making physical contact with me for the past year or so.” The guy snapped, crossing his arms defensively. “And this is your fault!”
“Pepe?” It was funny how big and round the shorter guy’s eyes turned, while both Kihyun and Hoseok stared at him as if he had grown a second head.
“The name is Hyungwon.” He sighed. “You suck at giving names.” He moved his gaze to Kihyun. “You’re a rational person, Kihyun, please don’t let him name anyone ever again.” The photographer chuckled lightly and gave thumbs up to the tall frog-turned-human, already deciding he liked him.
“You’re Pepe?” Jooheon pushed Changkyun to the side to take a better look at Hyungwon, looking at him as if he was an alien.
“Again, Hyungwon.” The tall guy groaned. “And this was definitely not supposed to happen!” He glared at Changkyun and then at Hoseok, even though the older guy had nothing to do with him turning back into human - or well, at least not knowingly. “What am I going to do now? What are you going to do about me now?”
“My head is killing me.” Hoseok groaned in reply and turned to his wardrobe, fishing out some clothes before tossing them at Hyungwon. “Wear this first. I have no idea what’s going on, so you better explain. I need coffee and sticking my head in snow in hopes of this being a hallucination, but it looks like I’m not losing my mind just yet, so we will wait for you downstairs.” With that Hoseok pushed his noisy friends out of the room and shut the door behind them.
“What the hell? How can he be the frog?” Minhyuk started rambling as they moved to the kitchen, Hoseok instantly busying himself with making coffee for all of them as he rubbed his eyes. “This is crazy… and why did he suddenly turn into human? Is it a Christmas thing? Maybe he grew accustomed to spending time inside? He did say it’s Changkyun’s fault. He’s the one taking care of him and bringing him inside all the time.”
“Following that logic hyung, every frog people take in as their pet would turn human after some time. It’s impossible.” Jooheon reasoned.
“Frog turning into human is impossible in the first place.” Minhyuk continued. “Yet, we have that situation here.”
“Shut up, my head will burst…” Hoseok groaned again, grabbing his coffee and moving past him to the living room. “This is ridiculous…” He murmured to himself as he thought back to the sight of a handsome stranger being the first thing he encountered when he opened his eyes. Yes, Hyungwon was extremely beautiful, but that didn’t make the whole story about him being a frog less than twelve hours ago any less weird. Weird was an understatement for sure, and him thinking about his close-to-pet-frog-that-just-miraculously-turned-human being gorgeous made him the weirdest of it all.
“He’ll be down in a moment, we’ll talk then.” Kihyun gave Minhyuk a pointed look before distributing coffee and taking freshly made cookies he picked up from the nearby bakery while the house was still peaceful.
“That smells delicious.” Hyungwon commented as he entered the room and grabbed a cookie as Kihyun passed by him.
“You’re too comfortable for your own good.” Kihyun commented, smirking a bit as he looked up at him. “And tall. We don’t appreciate it.”
“We?” Hyungwon raised his eyebrows, climbing onto the armchair like a frog would and making himself comfortable.
“Changkyun and I.”
“I don’t mind him being tall… it’s just a bit weird.” Changkyun shrugged, keeping his eyes on Hyungwon, still not being able to believe that he was the small frog resting on his palms and lap so many times before.
“Because I used to be a frog. Of course. I should’ve stayed one too.” Hyungwon glared at the guy he was closest to. He liked Changkyun, the guy was soft and open and, most importantly, warm and comfortable. It was impossible to cuddle him now and Hyungwon was pretty sure he was going to miss it. It was one of the reasons he hated going back to being human. He didn’t plan to go back to that kind of life ever again. Being a frog was too comfortable to give up on and there was never a time when he wished to go back to his long, lanky self. Okay, maybe the thought crossed his mind once… or twice. But it was definitely not tempting enough to beat the frog suit.
“Yeah, about that… we need an explanation.” Kihyun put the cookies down and took a seat, much like the rest of their friends. “And an introduction?” The photographer didn’t really know where to start with the questions, but he hoped Hyungwon would know better.
The tall guy sighed a bit, still not happy about the situation, but knowing he should explain everything first.
“I’m Chae Hyungwon, I’m twenty six, finished Korean language and literature three years ago. Right after my graduation my ex-girlfriend turned me into a frog. She thought it would be a curse, but it turned out to be a blessing to me. I didn’t even like frogs up until I became one.” He started. “I knew there was a possibility of me becoming human again, but it was supposed to involve kissing “one true girl for me” or something along those lines, so I thought I would be safe here, since there are no girls around and well, who would kiss a frog?” He glared at Changkyun again. “But then last night Changkyun here brought me to Hoseok and made us kiss each other - if you can call it that anyway… so, yeah, here I am, in this form now.”
“You did what?” Hoseok exclaimed, turning to Changkyun angrily. “You made me kiss a frog?”
“Hm… yeah, well, it was supposed to be a drunken joke. You were asleep anyway, I had a bit of fun…” Changkyun smiled sheepishly. “But hey, our frog friend turned into a new human friend, so it’s all good, right?” He grinned and then looked around. “It’s all good… more than good.” He repeated, frowning a bit at the expressions of his friends.
“It’s not good. I liked being a frog and now I’m not anymore.” Hyungwon grunted, taking his cup of coffee and drinking a bit before leaning back to sulk again.
“But, you must have people who love you? Family, friends? Where do you live?” Kihyun tried.
“I live here, in Hoseok’s garden. My old place had been emptied when I disappeared, my landlord threw away my things as there was no one to pick them up.” Hyungwon explained. “No family, no friends. No one to miss me as a frog or as a human. And no one for me to miss. That’s one of the reasons why being a frog was more comfortable to me.” He looked at Hoseok. “You guys are responsible for me now, I’m not letting this slide! I had a great life as a frog and you forced me to give it up.”
“Woah… okay, well, we’ll have to figure out something.” Kihyun sighed a bit, watching who seemed to be a new addition to their circle of friends and actually feeling bad for him. The guy was right, they were kind of responsible for him now, thanks to his immature prank-loving boyfriend.
“This house is big, I think you should just continue living here - inside this time.” Hyunwoo suddenly said, giving Hoseok a stern look when the younger one turned to object. “There’s really no reason to further complicate things. Once the holidays are over we’ll go shopping, find you some clothes that fit you and then you can figure out how you want to continue your life considering you don’t have a job or anything else really. But living here would be the most logical first step - it won’t cost you anything and the house is so big, you two don’t even have to see each other much if you really don’t want to. I would recommend to make some friends though. Don’t look at me like that, Hoseok, you’re part of the reason why things turned out the way they turned out. I don’t think it’s all that bad.”
“That’s really a great idea, hyung! And we can get to know you better.” Jooheon grinned, somehow managing to squeeze himself into the armchair next to Hyungwon. “You’re pretty skinny, Kihyun hyung makes amazing food, I bet you missed some nice food during these three years.”
“You’re trying to bribe me with food?” Hyungwon raised his eyebrows, but couldn’t help the tiny smile the younger managed to pull out of him. “Okay, it sounds like a reasonable idea for start…” He sighed, not having other choice.
“I like how I have no say in this.” Hoseok shot all his friends a look. “I’m pretty sure I’m the victim here.”
“No, I’m the victim. You spent more than a year trying to get rid of me, while all I wanted was some peace in your garden. I never even tried to get into the house or come close to you unless Changkyun brought me in on his own accord. I never did anything to you and now I’m like this, so this is the least you can do now.” Hyungwon snapped, giving the older guy another angry glare. “It’s far from ideal, it’s not like I’m thrilled because I have to stay here, but there’s no other option now.”
“Enough. It’s settled. You can sulk all you want, but I’m hungry, so we should eat first… and enjoy the holidays, we all deserved it and I’m not letting you ruin them for us and for yourself.” Kihyun looked at both of them and turned to go to the kitchen, Christmas lunch waiting for him.
Being a frog really made Hyungwon’s life easier. At the end of university he had no direction in his life. He was all alone - growing up without being able to keep the connections to friends from different stages of his school life, those friendships not running deep due to him never being willing to open up to anyone. Books were the only ones there, offering amazing worlds for him to dive in and not asking anything in return. Writing was there too, allowing him to make up his own little secret worlds, build up whole universes if he wanted, universes that existed under his own rules. People just weren’t his “thing”, they always labeled him as quirky and sometimes made weird efforts to establish deeper contact with him. It always felt foreign and out of norm to Hyungwon, him not being open to such efforts made them artificial and everyone felt it, so sooner or later they would simply give up. There was no surprise not one of his colleagues noticed his parents passing away. The tall literature student prefered it that way, it was comfortable.
He wasn’t shy or completely anti-social, he interacted with people on a certain level that he considered necessary and that could benefit him in a way or another in the little circles he was a part of - be it university life or a clubbing scene. Despite his image of an unapproachable, hot and smart literature student who never seeked presence of another human being, Hyungwon really enjoyed dancing and loved to spend the nights exploring Seoul’s nightlife, giving in to the addicting beats under the dim light of the hottest clubs in the city. Dancing meant pleasure and it usually lead to other pleasures in the early morning hours, the time that seemed to hold no responsibilities for the sleeping city. The literature student liked it that way, satisfaction without commitment, safely left with his books and scribblings at the end of the ordeal.
Still, as a twenty one year old, he understood he wasn’t living his life to the fullest, haunted by the thoughts of the youth - of not understanding the world, of missing out. While casual encounters were something thrilling and convenient, there was this desire to try out what it would be like to actually be in a relationship. For someone who didn’t even have friends, the concept was extremely foreign and unimaginable. Getting a girlfriend had been easy. Hyungwon knew it would be, with his confidence when it came to looks, intellect and his dancing skills. So, he got himself a girlfriend, practically overnight.
She was beautiful and smart enough for the two of them to seem like a perfect couple. And, like in bad teen romantic comedies, they became the hot couple at university and basically everywhere they’d go. For Hyungwon it was an interesting experiment he dived into with cold head. She fell in love. He didn’t.
They dated for two years before he decided that it was time to end the experiment, becoming bored of having to make compromises with another person, compromises that didn’t really benefit him in any way. He felt like all the time he was spending with someone else could be used in a more clever way. She decided to turn him into a frog, because “he was ice prince who did nothing worthwhile with his life, hurt other people and deserved no more than life of a frog”. Thinking back, Hyungwon wasn’t sure she was wrong.
Freshly out of university that gave him knowledge he had no use of now, Hyungwon spent the first couple of months as a frog wandering around his neighborhood rather aimlessly. Being a frog truly made life easier in a way that it was low-maintenance and didn’t cause him headaches. The downside of it was that he wasn’t able to read or write in this form, but he compensated it with creating worlds in his head, feeling like a small child again as he went back to the time when his imagination was his only friend. After some time his landlord got rid of his things, putting a definitive end to his old life he subconsciously still held onto. It was a sign for him to move on as well.
The next couple of months passed with him jumping from one part of the city to another, constantly moving without even knowing if he wanted to settle somewhere or not. Changing sceneries was fun, but just as it proved to be meaningless and tiring he stumbled upon a small fairytale-like oasis right in the middle of the city. The interesting house was cozily tucked away in between modern buildings that made it look smaller and more surreal, when in fact it was rather big. Beautiful garden surrounded it and, upon further inspection, Hyungwon realized it hid a beautiful pond and a swimming pool in the back, with colorful flowers making the whole property look more magical and, to him, more inviting. The house itself was clearly inspired by the hobbit houses from “The Lord of The Rings” and made Hyungwon’s geek heart pound with vigor the moment he laid his big eyes on it. With its somewhat round shape and green and yellowish-brown colors that made it blend into the nature surrounding it, it radiated warmth. After a long time, Hyungwon realized warmth might be just what he had been seeking.
The human-turned-frog stayed. At first he simply enjoyed the garden, swimming in the pond and hiding in the flowers, writing adventure stories in his head again and growing accustomed to the beautiful birds that were frequent visitors of it too. With time he became curious about the house itself and its only inhabitant. Hoseok crossed his way a couple of times during that period, usually when the owner of the house would come to the garden to tend to his flowers or when he would go for a late night swimming on hot summer nights. Hyungwon would watch him curiously, somewhat conflicted if it was alright to invade his privacy or not. He didn’t dare showing himself, although it happened a couple of times unintentionally and he soon learned Hoseok was afraid of him. To the younger guy it seemed ridiculous - for a grown up man to fear a small harmless creature, but fears were irrational, so he just accepted it. Still, he couldn’t help but be slightly offended by his host’s reaction.
Bit by bit, Hyungwon started spending more time beside the house whenever the older guy was at home. Windows of Hoseok’s house became the windows into a new world, to a story more interesting than any other Hyungwon indulged himself in before. The story was real and its protagonist was a handsome young architect who, despite having loving friends and seemingly living completely opposite life from what his own used to be while he was still human, had this aura of loneliness. And with seasons changing it became inevitable for Hoseok to notice him.
One night in late June, about nine months after he started living by his side, the architect came home late. He was drunk and visibly shaken and Hyungwon sensed something must have happened. Without thinking, he moved slightly closer, watching Hoseok trying to unlock the door and drawing attention to himself. And then a thrilling thought came to him - why was he hiding anyway? There was no reason to, he knew Hoseok well enough to know that the older guy wasn’t capable of doing him any harm, he also had no plans to overstep his boundaries, which were basically the walls of the house. They’ve been living together in peace for so many months already, without Hoseok knowing, true, but still, that was the situation and Hyungwon enjoyed the life as it was. Hiding from the older guy was bothersome, even if he wasn’t trying all that hard. And, well, a tiny part of Hyungwon had to admit that he found Hoseok’s reaction to him rather hilarious.
He started playfully haunting him, as the wide-eyed expression behind the glass amused him and made his heart beat faster - from the realization that he’s been acknowledged at first and then from slowly falling in love. Hyungwon learned that Hoseok was a beautiful person. He was a talented young architect, hardworking and successful, especially considering his young age. The younger guy spent hours watching him work, the atmosphere surrounding him peaceful as Hoseok seemed to forget his surroundings when he was concentrated and productive, in the world of his own that made him look even more beautiful. He spent hours watching him do simple things like eating, washing dishes or relaxing to soft sounds of good music and a glass of red wine. At least once every ten days Hoseok’s friends Kihyun and Changkyun would come over and spend the evening with food, drinks and fun stories. The young architect’s smile would shine brightly as his focus switched onto his friends and a tingle of warmth would spread over Hyungwon’s whole body.
They were so different, yet Hyungwon couldn’t help but love Hoseok’s life. He couldn’t help but love him. For the first time he felt a twinge of disappointment regarding his new form. He’s been a frog for a while and never regretted it, but Hoseok was afraid of him and had no idea there was a smart, handsome young man hiding behind the frog suit. There was no way for him to let the architect know his feelings. There was nothing he could do about it, but even if he could, Hyungwon wasn’t sure if he would’ve been able to. Being a frog proved to be better once again, the form being his disguise and allowing him to openly say the words of affection whenever his eyes made contact with Hoseok’s. “I love you” was safe, because it sounded like “Ribbit”.
Another year passed like that and it was the beginning of summer again. Hyungwon believed the date of himself shamelessly making his presence known to Hoseok for the first time was coming closer. The starless night smelt of rain again when the older guy made his way home, this time not alone. Hyungwon watched a tall, beautiful young stranger passionately kiss the man he loved before they disappeared behind the round, green door he loved so much too. The ache in his chest intensified as he moved into the garden, hiding behind the flowers, grateful for the darkness of the night hiding more than his frog form. It was irrational, because hiding from anyone other than himself was unnecessary and hiding from himself was the one thing he needed the most, yet couldn’t do.
After some time passed since that night it became clear it was just a one time thing. The beautiful stranger seemed like an image brought by the darkness that disappeared just like it appeared and Hyungwon felt relieved, even though it planted a seed of certain thought in his head. It wasn’t impossible for Hoseok to find someone to share his life with, but for Hyungwon who, even though he loved thinking of different scenarios in his head, wasn’t used to think much ahead of himself when it came to real life, those kinds of thoughts didn’t cross his mind until then. However, that night made those thoughts form, bringing fear of change and of unknown. He loved his life now, this amazing garden and pond, the fairytale house and the prince living inside it. Everything was just right the way it was and Hyungwon hated the arrival of any kind of threat to it.
Everything went back to the way it was, the summer moved along with Hoseok working more, but also spending more time at the swimming pool, enjoying the hot weather together with his friends who were as loud and as lively as ever. Hyungwon got used to the presence of not only Kihyun and Changkyun, who made sure to get him inside of house whenever they were visiting, but also Hyunwoo, Minhyuk and Jooheon. They were all good people and the froggy boy started wondering if things would’ve been different if he wasn’t a frog, but just another guy. Would he, for the first time in his life, actually make friends?
Now that he was no longer a frog it truly felt like it would be possible. He wasn’t sure what lifted the curse, he wasn’t naive enough to believe a simple kiss would do the trick. Maybe it was the fact that he involuntarily opened up to this strange combination of friends or him actually learning how to love. It didn’t matter as it simply happened and it wasn’t like he could act on the love he felt anyway. They might have lived together for a long time and he might have known every little expression and every little habit Hoseok had, but to the handsome architect he was still a stranger. So, he could accept the situation and use his annoyance to continue living in the house he loved so much, while he tried to figure out his own life.
The rest of the holidays passed well. Everyone made sure to make the atmosphere fun and light and both Hyungwon and Hoseok were grateful for Hoseok’s loud bunch of friends. It was obvious they took credit for making things comfortable. Hyunwoo lent some clothes to Hyungwon at first since they were the same height and, according to their previous deal, as soon as the holidays were over, the group went shopping for everything Hyungwon needed, disguising paying for items as their Christmas presents to the tall guy.
January left the two of them alone in the big house. With the crazy group back to their own apartments, the silence fell over their warm home. Hyungwon started spending a lot of time in the biggest guestroom that became his own room for the time being and Hoseok tried to go back to his usual routine. It wasn’t as easy as he imagined it to be, the thoughts about the tall guy who used to be a nameless frog living in his garden invading his mind constantly. The presence was obvious too, but Hyungwon seemed to love his solitude as they crossed paths in the big house much more rarely than when they lived on opposite sides of its walls. Hoseok was intrigued, drawn to the younger guy, not completely understanding the feeling, but at the same time sensing the danger behind it. Openness to welcome him in his life was scary, much scarier than physical presence in his home.
At first he was annoyed with the situation, too used to his loneliness, even though he knew it didn’t bring him happiness. He found happiness in his job and in his friends and his painful past prevented him from asking for anything more. Life was good as it was, well protected behind the bubble of his fairytale home he built for himself after finishing his studies. It was oasis - to him and to everyone else he invited in and decided was worthy enough to stay inside. He wasn’t sure if sharing it with Hyungwon would add onto that happiness. Fear was a scary thing.
However, he couldn’t help but be curious and maybe slightly infatuated. Hyungwon looked like he came out of a fairytale himself. Even him being a frog and then turning into a beautiful prince was a fairytale itself and he was scared of such a surreal, magical thing becoming a part of his life. The young literature graduate looked like a shining elf in his hobbit home, someone too precious to be in his proximity. Hoseok knew that his heart was writing a fantasy of his own, planting it in his mind to fight his reason, but the fantasy brought out feelings he hasn’t felt in a long time, feelings that he missed more than he wanted to admit. So, he just went with it, it made life a little bit more exciting.
Two weeks into January he still didn’t know much about Hyungwon. The younger one kept to himself, going out of his room only to eat and take a breath of fresh air in the garden covered with snow. Hoseok felt somewhat rejected, like a piece of furniture that came with the house the new owner simply accepted, but preferred not to pay attention to. Instead, Hyungwon played with snow, admired the pond he used to spend so much time in and silently communicated with birds flying cheerfully around his slim form despite the cold. The architect felt like their roles were reversed as he tried to silently rush to the window whenever Hyungwon went outside and watch what he was doing, doing his best to remain unnoticed.
One evening, as he finished dinner and made himself cozy in living room with his glass of red wine, the rhythm of his usual relaxing music was interrupted by light footsteps descending the stairs.
“May I join you?” Hyungwon asked as he appeared at the entrance of the living room, making him look up from his book and give a brief nod. The younger guy disappeared in the kitchen for a moment, before coming back with a glass of his own and climbing up on the armchair with both legs, obviously a habit from his frog days.
“How have you been doing?” After a moment of silence and somewhat uncomfortable stare Hyungwon gave him, he decided to break it. He has been waiting for any kind of interaction and now he got it, so the last thing he wanted to do was to scare the younger away. But something told him he was the scared one.
“Fine…” Hyungwon started, giving him a small smile, that didn’t seem natural and then proceeded to mask it with taking a sip of his wine. “Slightly bored, to be honest. I wanted to ask you if I’m allowed to take some books from your library?”
“You live here, you don’t need my permission.” Hoseok wasn’t sure when the thought of Hyungwon not being a guest formed in his head, perhaps since day one and them establishing they were going to live together, so it was natural to just say it.
“It’s still your house.”
“You seem to know it better than me. And I was the one to build it.” He chuckled, drinking a bit too in an attempt to shut himself up. He was being open and they barely knew each other. Hyungwon obviously had the advantage in their weird relationship.
“Well… okay. Thank you.” The younger one replied, obviously not sure how to respond to that and took another sip. “I also wanted to ask you if you could help me re-decorate my room.”
“You don’t like it?” Hoseok watched him with a frown on his face, failing to hide the wish to make the book-loving boy comfortable in his home.
“No… I mean I do, I just want it to be more... mine.” Hyungwon tried to explain, blushing a bit suddenly for a reason Hoseok couldn’t understand. “I’m here to stay and… well, it’s my birthday today.” He whispered, as if asking for a birthday present.
“Oh…” The architect didn’t know what exactly to say for a moment, but then stood up and walked over to clink their glasses. “Happy birthday, Hyungwon.” He smiled, feeling awkward, even though there was no reason to. “You want it as a birthday present? We will do it, of course.”
“Thank you.” The younger one blushed further, chuckling and taking another sip. “Yeah, I thought… I didn’t know if it’s too much, but then, you kind of owe me…” Hoseok raised his eyebrow playfully. “I’m kidding… kind of… yeah.” They were so awkward, it was ridiculous. With his history of interacting with people who he couldn’t put in a box labeled as things like ‘university’, ‘casual fun’ or ‘random strangers’ it was no surprise to Hyungwon that he wasn’t able to be his confident self. When you add the small fact that he was still in love with Hoseok to the equation it was really a disaster. But he wasn’t willing to give up trying. “I like the feel of it… of the whole house really. I just need some things. Like a desk and some shelves for start. And I’d like to change colors to something slightly colder that goes well with the light color of the wood. Maybe something green or blue?”
“Because you’re an elf.” Hoseok muttered into his glass and nodded.
“Excuse me?”
“No, nothing… you’re just tall and handsome and you have interesting features.” Hoseok tried to reason, very well aware that it made no sense.
“I don’t have pointy ears.” Hyungwon deadpanned.
“No, you have cute ones, like a hobbit. I’m closer to elf ears here… maybe we switched?”
“We switched ears?” Hyungwon suddenly started laughing. “What the hell are we talking about now?”
“I have no idea.” Hoseok laughed too, feeling embarrassed and ridiculous, but glad to see the beautiful boy laugh. He watched him, feeling the dangerous pounding in his chest and bit his lip in thought after taking another sip of his wine. “This is nice. We should spend time together more often… drinking wine or something. If you’d like?” He looked up to meet Hyungwon’s eyes again.
“Yeah… I’ll think about it.” The younger one smiled, finishing his wine and retreating to his room.
They did start spending more time together, Hyungwon getting more comfortable around the house. Hoseok helped him rearrange the room according to his needs and soon the light yellow color of the walls was replaced by combination of pastel blue and green, giving it a feel of forest under the bright summer sky. New wooden desk and bookshelves stood next to the big window that provided the view to Hyungwon’s favorite garden and pond. Room full of books definitely made the literature graduate feel more at home, so he spent a lot of time in both library and his room, stacking books and scribbling his days away.
Friday evenings somehow became the time the two of them spent together enjoying music and wine, doing a lot of casual talking, discussing Hoseok’s work, Hyungwon’s activities and books. The owner of the house couldn’t tell the moment Hyungwon became one with his home, maybe he had been ever since he was a frog, but the thought was as dangerous as his constantly growing feelings. Hoseok did a fair amount of work from home, enjoying the coziness and warmth of it much more than modern, minimalistic office he shared with Hyunwoo. Being at home meant being in Hyungwon’s proximity and also closer to his own little childish fantasy, the story he decided to never let himself step into again. Yet, there he was, itching to feel it all again and hope it won’t crush his heart at the end of the road. The book lover was just behind a wall again, the only difference was that he was human and the wall was inside the house, it was thinner and warmer, easier to crumble.
The architect spent a lot of time watching the new inhabitant of his house, much more than the amount that could be labeled as simple curiosity. Sometimes he would peek into his room when Hyungwon was reading or taking notes of something, finding himself staring in fascination for long moments, before he would catch himself and clear his throat, coming up with silly questions regarding hunger or coldness of the house. The air in the house was always kept steadily warm, but Hoseok found it get hotter the more he shared it with Hyungwon and those were the subjective impressions that would trigger him to run as soon as he became aware of them.
One day he came home particularly early and, as soon as he stepped into the house he could hear the faint sounds of bass coming from the direction of Hyungwon’s room. Once again, the curiosity caught up with him and he slowly made his way to it, as if hypnotized by the music. Like many times before, he peeked into the room, his breath getting caught at the sight. Hyungwon was dancing. Hoseok stood still for a long moment before he caught himself and quickly retreated, the image lingering in his mind and making his heart beat faster once again.
“You are a fool…” He whispered to himself, going to the kitchen as fast as he could and making himself a cup of tea, almost burning his tongue in impatience as he desperately tried to calm himself down. He felt like a teenage boy in love with a magical being from another planet, living in some weird fantasy. But Hyungwon was real and full of amazing surprises that made him more special with each layer of his surreal being uncovered for Hoseok to see. He knew his heart went too far, idealizing the guy he has been living with for a little bit more than two months. There was no going back anymore.
“Happy birthday, Hoseok.” Hyungwon smiled, appearing in the kitchen, making him turn around and look at him. All Hoseok could see was him executing complicated steps of the choreography that were both graceful and precise, putting anyone who’d watch him under mesmerizing spell.
“Ah… Thank you.” The older guy replied quietly, smiling back.
“I tried to cook… I doubt it turned out well, but I think Kihyun probably has a strong dislike for me after how much I bothered him today.” The taller guy chuckled, stepping further inside and going to the oven to take out a lasagna. “It was supposed to be simple to make, but I really don’t know how to cook, so let’s just hope it’s edible.”
“I’m sure it’s delicious.” Hoseok replied. “And there’s no way Kihyun will dislike you because of anything.” He stopped himself from blurting out anything else, focusing on setting the table instead.
“I’m sorry I couldn’t get you anything.” Hyungwon sighed, helping him set the table before sitting across from him once everything was done. “I will when I start working, I promise.”
“You don’t have to get me anything. I can’t believe you cooked me dinner.” He replied honestly, feeling touched and realizing he will have to talk to someone about this later. Preferably Kihyun, so the photographer can dislike both of them together.
“That’s the least I could do.” The dancer smiled again. “Eat up.”
“It’s great. Kihyun will be proud.” Hoseok chuckled once he tasted the dish, genuinely enjoying it and proceeded to watch the beautiful guy in front of him.
Once the dinner was finished and they moved to the living room for their regular evening with wine and music, Hyungwon started talking.
“I started applying for jobs.” He began. “I can’t become a writer overnight, if ever…”
“You will become one, Hyungwon.” Hoseok interrupted immediately.
“You don’t know that.” The tall guy chuckled, leaning back in his armchair. “I need a job and all I can do is write, so I’m applying for journalist position, hopefully someone will take me.”
“They will.” The architect smiled again, the words of encouragement sounding so firm that Hyungwon chuckled.
“I don’t know if I’m any good. I don’t have experience, I’m already twenty seven and applying for my first job. I mean, yes, I did a lot of writing during university and I was good, but people will wonder where I disappeared for years.”
“They will love you, I’m sure.” Hoseok replied again. “I believe someone will see your talent.”
“That’s... sweet.” Hyungwon smiled, taking a sip of his wine.
“Hyungwon… why did you want to stay a frog?” He had to ask, it’s been a while since they’ve been living together and he still couldn’t forget Hyungwon’s first reaction when he realized he was human again. Somehow, it never seemed right to ask, but he had to do it some day and now was as good as any other time.
“My frog life made me happy.” Hyungwon smiled, obviously not saying the whole truth and Hoseok decided to pry.
“Usually people like being people? I mean you had no place to stay, you couldn’t read books, do all the things you love, have a relationship, build a family… dance.”
“Oh… you saw me dance?” Hyungwon raised his eyebrows, as if finding a lifeline to hold onto and avoid answering the question.
“I did.” Hoseok nodded, trying to appear nonchalant about it as he took a sip of wine before looking back at him. “It’s beautiful… and you’re avoiding the question.”
“I missed dancing. And books. And sex.” The dancer nodded, smiling playfully for a brief moment. “But life was easier even without it all.”
“Why?” He didn’t know why, but he couldn’t give up.
“God, you’re really something… My life wasn’t much before it.” He finally sighed, putting the glass down and hugging his knees before he started talking, keeping his eyes on Hoseok. “I finished university with no idea what I was supposed to do with it. All I had were books and my writings, everything I wanted to do in life was to write, because it allowed me to create places on my own where I could live along the characters I created too. I had no family anymore and I had no friends. Having no friends was my own decision, my own doing. I had a long list of acquaintances, people that made my life easier in terms of studying or networking or just casual small talk to pass time and make myself seem normal and friendly. I had no long-term lovers as I never felt that way about anyone, I loved dancing, so I spent a lot of time clubbing and having fun with random people I’d meet, people who looked for the same things I looked for - good time over drinks, some casual sex here and there. The girl who turned me into a frog was my first and only girlfriend - I had no feelings for her, except maybe platonic ones and of course, I hurt her - it wasn’t intentional, but it happened. That’s why she turned me into a frog, saying I was a heartless creep hiding behind the beautiful, smart mask of a prince who didn’t deserve anything better.”
Hoseok listened, biting his lip and staring into Hyungwon’s eyes that seemed both vulnerable and daring, perfect mask falling, but revealing something fragile underneath.
“She was right. I did use her…” The writer sighed, taking his glass again and drinking half of it. “I just thought… I had to figure it out. I couldn’t understand it. Having someone… anyone in your life. And falling in love.” He explained. “It didn’t happen though. Not with her anyway. And then, the next moment I was a frog and suddenly, I didn’t have to worry about anything. Love wasn’t for me, I didn’t have to worry about getting a job, finding a way to survive, finding my place in the dumb adult world. I could hop around, watch the world living around me and continue creating stories in my mind.” He smiled. Hoseok smiled too.
“Then I found this house. The hobbit house. It was perfect, everything about it was perfect - from the garden, the pond, the flowers to the house itself… and its owner.”
“I’m not perfect.” Hoseok laughed, trying to cover his red cheeks and drinking more to disguise them as side-effect of drinking.
“I really liked you, Hoseok. You were handsome and smart and had the most amazing bunch of friends. Changkyun was my favorite from the start, of course.”
“He brought you into the house.” Hoseok scoffed, shaking his head.
“But you hated me!” Hyungwon laughed.
“You were a frog!” Hoseok laughed too, shaking his head as they looked at each other.
“And then I wasn’t a frog anymore, the wonderful spell that ensured carefree life was broken.” The writer sighed finally, downing the rest of his wine.
“You were afraid.” The architect stated, finally understanding.
“I still am.” Hyungwon whispered, putting the glass down and watching him, the gaze pulling Hoseok in until he stood up and walked over to him.
“Dance with me.” He held out his hand and the tall boy accepted, appearing more shy than the confident gaze he always gifted him with. Once the dancer was in his arms, Hoseok dared to speak again. “I’m afraid too. But now we have each other. So, there’s really no reason to be.”
His fascinating prince was younger than he appeared from the outside, a childlike innocence trapped in a vicious circle of searching for purpose in life. Lost soul waiting to start living and hiding behind the mask of confidence. He was different, but somehow the same. They were both bound by the fear of life.
Kihyun has always been a voice of reason. Honest and direct, but with short temper. No matter the advice this time though, Hoseok just needed someone to talk to, to get his feelings out of his chest. His younger friend listened and told him to be careful, given the situation. But, he also told him he shouldn’t be afraid. Opening up to Kihyun brought more benefits in the form of him and Changkyun showing even more initiative to hang out with them and get to know Hyungwon better. Once again, the architect was grateful to his friends as they made every gathering, every situation, every struggle feel better, tying them all like loose ends into a tight ball of warm family. They made Hyungwon feel more at home much faster than he ever could. Or so was his impression.
Hoseok’s thoughts and impressions weren’t far from truth as young writer indeed accepted and grew close to all the people that frequently visited their house pretty fast. Changkyun and Jooheon made it easy for people to love them, Kihyun showed affection in little, caring gestures, Minhyuk talked people into loving him and Hyunwoo felt like a rock that provided comfort to anyone who seeked it.
By the time Easter arrived Hyungwon spent a lot of hours with all of them, getting to know them and learning to love them. He started feeling like an equally important part of their little crew and it made the words “home” and “family” finally find their true, deeper meaning in the beautiful boy’s head. Being around six other guys felt right and comfortable, even if it sounded weird that it took him twenty seven years to finally make some friends.
Easter holidays in “hobbit household” were celebrated the same way as Christmas ones, with all guys moving into the house for those couple of days. Changkyun explained to Hyungwon that the tradition started when Hoseok built and moved into the house, being the first one to have a place of his own and all of them naturally couldn’t wait to claim it as theirs too. With life becoming hectic as they graduated and found jobs one by one it became harder to constantly hang out together. Kihyun, Changkyun and Hoseok had their little rambling nights at least three times per month and Hoseok and Hyunwoo spent a lot of time together since they were working together, but meetups of all of them together became rather rare. Holiday traditions allowed them to stay a family for at least those two big holidays and they did it in big style - like taking vacation together. Those were simple reasons and simple traditions, but Hyungwon still found them so extremely special, like a kid discovering the wonders of holidays for the first time in his life. It wasn’t far from truth and the dancer loved being able to be a part of it.
The holiday brought him the opportunity to gather courage and open up to all of them completely too, sharing his story in hopes they will all understand and accept him better, much like Hoseok did. It worked and Hyungwon ended up being in for a lot of teasing once they all realized how worried about their reactions he actually was. Hoseok’s warm, loving smile was worth it.
Spring was in full swing and brought warmer, longer days. With Hoseok being more busy with new projects and spending more time at work, Hyungwon found himself spending a lot of time outside instead, getting comfortable next to the pond, laying out his thoughts and writings onto the beautiful blooming flowers that happily greeted his presence. Sometimes, when he felt like doing something crazy and experimenting, he’d call Kihyun and ask for instructions for something simple, like cute little frog shaped chocolate cookies or muffins filled with cheese. He was no good in kitchen, but it was fun to at least try making something and Hoseok never had anything but words of praise for his baking escapades, so everything was good.
Most of the time he felt like dipping the tip of his toe into the pond, disturbing the surface carefully, simply testing waters. It was what baking was for - on some weird level connecting himself to the house he was so accustomed to, but that wasn’t his. It was also what his scribblings were - fragments of different worlds, experiences, stories, just simple impressions that had no root and were just freely floating in his mind, struggling to find their places. It was what his whole being was - desperately trying to hold onto something, anything, but at the same time being painfully aware that nothing big, nothing important can be achieved overnight. For the first time in his life he started learning about all the small, but big things that made life.
“Hoseok?” Hyungwon knocked on the older guy’s door, smiling a bit as he waited for an answer.
“Yes? Come in.” The architect replied, picking up a shirt to wear and flashing a smile at the other guy’s direction once Hyungwon stepped into his room.
“I want to go dancing tonight. Do you want to come?” The writer asked, biting his lip a bit, trying to check Hoseok out in the most unsuspicious way he could.
“Me? Clubbing?” Hoseok chuckled, finishing getting dressed. “It’s been a while.”
“It will be fun.” Hyungwon chuckled too. “I need to introduce you to the famous Seoul club scene.”
“I’m quite familiar with it, even though Seoul club scene hasn’t seen me in a long while.” The older one replied. “I’m not as good of a dancer as you are, though.”
“I want to see it.” The dancer suddenly looked excited.
“Tonight.”
To say that Hyungwon was good-looking was an understatement. Hoseok felt like he stood next to a model, confidence shining in the glint of his playful gaze and a wink he sent to the bartender as an additional sign of appreciation for well-mixed drinks. Hyungwon was confident simply because he felt good tonight, for more than one reason. Going out for the first time in more than three years was one of those reasons, but even though it felt like coming back to a long lost home, home from another life, he knew he wouldn’t have felt the same if he were there all by himself. Hoseok’s presence was an amazing addition to the world he knew too well and felt comfortable in, it was that necessary spice that gave the whole experience a brand new, special flavor.
“Come…” He took the older guy’s hand and pulled him on his feet, starting walking to the dance floor. “Don’t lose me.” He playfully smirked, tugging him closer until they were in the middle of it.
Hyungwon’s dancing skills were, indeed, exceptional, but Hoseok wasn’t far behind either, much to the younger guy’s surprise and delight. There were still things he needed to learn and learning made him excited, like the architect was a particularly addicting book waiting for him to read and squeal in delight over its contents. The dancer stepped closer and moved against the shorter guy sensually, keeping eye contact.
“I have something to tell you.” He flashed a broad smile, leaning a bit closer for Hoseok to hear him over the loud bass. “We’re here to celebrate.” He could feel Hoseok’s hands tightening his hold on his sides, his face showing his curious excitement.
“Celebrate? While dancing?” The beautiful architect chuckled.
“That’s the way I celebrate.” Hyungwon grinned more, moving even closer to whisper in his ear. “I got a job.”
“What?” Hoseok pulled away to look at him with wide eyes.
“I got a job!” Hyungwon exclaimed, laughing right after. “I’m a journalist now.” Hoseok looked at him in wonder before wrapping his arms tighter around him.
“I knew it! I told you you’ll get it, didn’t I?” The older guy grinned, looking so handsome under the dim light. Hyungwon rolled his eyes playfully, but hugged him tighter too.
“Yeah, you did it before I did, apparently. Happy?” He teased, pretending to be annoyed, but not being able to stop smiling.
“Very happy! Congratulations, Hyungwon.” It was so sincere, Hoseok’s expression so genuinely happy, that Hyungwon felt stripped bare in front of him, like an open book and a mirror at the same time, knowing his own face reflected that same happiness. He leaned down and rested his forehead against Hoseok’s, pressing his slim body impossibly close to the older guy’s. He felt safe and cared for as he closed his eyes and let the beat of his own heart overpower the strong bass of the music hitting their eardrums.
“Thank you.”
The writer was extremely happy to dive into his first work assignments. The work was surprisingly easy, simply because he was allowed to write, even if the topics he was supposed to write about required quite a bit of research and, hence, more time than he thought would be necessary at first. The news outlet he was working for was an online portal, that allowed him to work from home, which was the most comfortable environment for him anyway, adding onto his happiness. With summer around the corner Hyungwon did spend more and more time outside, strolling the streets and getting more inspiration around every corner of Seoul. He felt like his writing improved, much like the quality of his life. There was a tiny little dot of stability in it now, first little step in the adult world.
He was happy and it was obvious. Hoseok being happy because of his happiness was obvious too. Of course, nothing was ever perfect and some days were quite frankly horrible, but Hyungwon was making a progress and, according to all his friends, as well as his own common sense, it was the only thing that mattered.
Somewhere along the way living in hobbit house stopped being foreign and one day Hyungwon understood he slowly started building his new life in it and around it, having small daily routines his life consisted of. Hoseok was a big part of it, much like his own presence became an important part of Hoseok’s life in return. Hyungwon felt that constant feeling of safety and belonging and that was another new thing in his life. Perhaps, it was the most precious thing in his life at the moment and thoughts of having to give it up at some point seemed unbearable. His feelings for Hoseok stood somewhere on the way, like an obstacle, a new type of fear and the younger guy wasn’t sure how he felt about having them anymore.
Whenever they would come to mind an image of Hoseok dancing with him on his birthday would stand next to them, words “we have each other, don’t be afraid” echoing with confidence. Hyungwon would hold onto them, hold onto that promise that everything will be just fine, because the two of them will find a way together. They would give him a boost of confidence, silly courage to go as far as openly flirting with the guy he loved, testing the waters again in hopes of safely finding the passage to the older guy’s heart.
Despite having spent so much time together in the past six months, Hyungwon still felt like there was something missing, a piece of puzzle named “Hoseok” that got lost to him and was safely hidden somewhere in a part of the architect’s heart still unseen to him. Sometimes, it was a foolish source of pain to Hyungwon, making him feel like he still wasn’t worthy enough of the older guy’s trust. In the end, he would, once again, remind himself of patience and keep quiet, waiting for Hoseok to find his way to him instead.
The end of June was coming closer and the preparation for rainy season reflected Hoseok’s mood. Hyungwon wasn’t stupid, the end of June was marked as something painful in his calendar. Something painful for Hoseok. He clearly remembered those two nights in June, the previous two years, the intoxication, smell of rain and darkness. The pain.
That starless night rolled in this time too, as if the sky knew exactly when to prepare for the rain, listening to the sound of Hoseok’s wounded heart and accommodating to it. The architect came home right before the sun disappeared behind the horizon and knocked on Hyungwon’s door, not waiting for an answer as he spoke.
“Can you drink with me tonight?”
Hyungwon sensed it coming, days before it arrived, the night of the talk. He anticipated it as much as he feared it, but they will be together and it will be just fine. That was a promise, at least as long as it came down to him it was set in stone.
The dinner was silent as Hoseok didn’t say much, waiting for the darkness to completely cover the city and Hyungwon didn’t dare to do anything but observe him, trying to read his facial expression. The older guy was calm, occasionally throwing him a small smile and only a hint of pain passed through the expression when he checked the time and moved to clean up the dishes.
Finally settling down in the living room, Hoseok opened a bottle of wine while Hyungwon busied himself with some light jazz music, moving right after to take his usual spot on the armchair.
“No…” The architect took his hand, stopping him. “Please, sit with me.” The younger nodded, sitting down next to his friend and taking his glass.
“Is everything okay?” He asked, aware that it must have sounded like a lie, like it was a stupid question he knew the answer to, but still felt the need to say, as a start of conversation or an introduction to prying or a bridge for Hoseok to cross to him.
“I think it is… I think… it’s strange. I’m not even sure.” Hoseok furrowed his eyebrows, thinking about the question seriously as he stared at the wine in his glass. “I need to tell you a story. My story. Like you told me yours.”
Hyungwon knew, it was needless to say, because they both knew. The writer didn’t know how or when it just became clear they understood each other. There were hints here and there, hidden in endless conversations, drowned in all those shared bottles of wine and cozy morning cups of coffee and tea. Their life together was simple, built upon a random meeting of two strangers, nothing out of ordinary as all the people in the world are strangers to each other at some point, until they’re not anymore. The two of them just skipped a lot of things and went right into sharing the most intimate space - home. Hyungwon knew there was a story, just as much as he knew tonight was the night of the story. So, he didn’t do anything but watch him, waiting for him to start it.
“I don’t know how to start.” Hoseok chuckled a bit. “Well, I have always been rather open to people, ever since I was a kid. I loved making friends and gave them my whole little heart on the plate. It was okay when I was a kid, when other kids were still as innocent as I was. But as we grew up people learned how to use my kindness. I was a good kid and a good student and there was always something to take advantage of, I guess. When I started high school every kid that made contact with me wanted something from me. Usually it would be help with studying, my notes, doing their homework… stuff like that. I helped them thinking that was what friends are for, but the moment they got it from me they would leave me, not having time to hang out or finding better friends. Then I decided not to do it anymore. I stopped interacting with other kids so much and they started bullying me, especially when they found out I was gay, on top of it all. That’s when I met Kihyun. He was this little kid with powerful glare, fearless and with bigger heart than mine was. He hated injustice and bullies and stood up to defend me.” The architect chuckled. “He was really small, so he got beaten up more than once, but he didn’t waver one bit. That’s how we became friends.”
“I can’t imagine Kihyun getting into physical fights.” Hyungwon chuckled too.
“He’s very protective over people he loves. Like a small lion, really, he won’t hesitate to bite your head off if you come after his family.” Hoseok smiled. “I don’t know what I would’ve ended up like if it wasn’t for him. He didn’t let me close off completely. We became inseparable and that’s how I survived high school. We met Changkyun in our last year, him only just starting and being this weird dorky kid everyone avoided. Kihyun had a soft spot for Changkyun from the beginning, so we kind of adopted him. He was weird, but it was adorable and we loved having him around. It was fun.” The older guy smiled again at the memories. “Anyway, Kihyun and I started university and we were happy that we were still at the same place, even with different majors and schedules. Luckily, we moved in together, if we hadn’t I doubt we would find time to hold onto the friendship. I met Hyunwoo at university and he already had Minhyuk attached to his hip, even though he was too dense to realize how hopelessly in love he was with him. To be honest, later I realized just how lucky I was to have them all as friends. I didn’t appreciate that much back then. If I had maybe things would’ve been different.” Hoseok took a sip of his wine before continuing.
“I had a lot of fun in university. The studies were interesting, most of the things we learned were something I enjoyed and studying was never a problem. I met a lot of cool people, interesting to talk to and I started socializing again, going out, having fun. I also dated, but those relationships weren’t meaningful. They were something like your experiment with dating, just trying out. They didn’t last long and feelings couldn’t really develop, it was just… having fun and enjoying it while it lasted and then we would kind of naturally drift apart. Of course I would get hurt, but I would get over it pretty fast, with friends and studies distracting me. Our last year of university started and Changkyun joined us - in university and at home. He moved in and pretty soon him and Kihyun started dating. I continued going out, maybe even more than until then, constantly trying to give the two of them space to be alone, even though they never asked for it. I was happy for them and I was having fun. The last year of university was pretty hectic too, so I was especially busy with all the projects I needed to finish in order to graduate. And then I met a guy.” Hoseok paused, looking over at Hyungwon, who listened to him intently, occasionally taking a sip of his wine.
“He was amazing, very smart, handsome, easygoing. He was the kind of person that seemed perfect, like the whole world was waiting for him to realize his big dreams. I was mesmerized by him, he seemed flawless and he was giving me his precious attention. Hyunwoo’s comment after meeting him was that he was too good to be true. It was the truth. He wasn’t that good.” He sighed, drinking the rest of his wine and pouring more. “I was really happy, everything was going the way it was supposed to be for the first time in my life. Studies were going well, I had awesome friends and a dreamy-like boyfriend. I didn’t notice when I started drifting away from Kihyun, Changkyun, Hyunwoo and Minhyuk though. I still spent time with Hyunwoo, since we were working on some projects together and we already had plans of working together once we graduate. I rarely spent time with Kihyun and Changkyun though, we just shared the apartment, but I was never there, spending all my free time with him and often sleeping over at his place too. Kihyun and Changkyun started hanging out with Jooheon instead, patiently waiting for me to come back to them. Kihyun confronted me about it more than once, but with me being somewhat stressed over the amount of work I was supposed to finish and trying to spend every free moment with my boyfriend we just ended up bickering every time we saw each other. After one bigger fight I moved out.” He frowned, shaking his head. “I was such a jerk to them and such an enormous fool, it’s not even funny.”
“The graduation came and Hyunwoo did his best to make sure we all celebrated it together. I could see Kihyun be happy to see me and I missed him so much, we ended up reconciling and made a promise to make sure we never lose each other again. My boyfriend didn’t like it, but I couldn’t see it at the time. Hyunwoo and I started working together and he did his best to be the link that connected us all, but I always had more important things to do with my boyfriend and didn’t listen when my friends kept telling me he’s keeping me from them. He was smart, making sure to spend the minimum time with them, so that he could hold it against me whenever I complained about missing them and proposed meeting up. Kihyun hated his guts and it hurt me, but I still loved him. I still wanted to be with him and actually had this little fantasy about our future life together in my head.”
“I spent my days working hard on all the projects we were working on. We were at the beginning of our careers and we did our best to make sure we do things right, so we could build our careers from there. It was really important to both Hyunwoo and me. I also started working on the project for this house, it has been a dream of mine ever since I started university. So yeah, I was very busy and enthusiastic about work and my boyfriend couldn’t understand it. He was smart to not talk about it much, but he did complain about the amount of time I spent in the office, while he was “waiting for me”. He didn’t do anything basically, or at least not much. He graduated a year after me and was looking for a job, but that job wasn’t coming, so he became irritated and impatient with time. Or at least I thought that was the reason. I was still happy with him, even though the things weren’t perfect, I still wanted to build my life with him. I started building the house and got even more busy. It gave me a false feeling of everything being good, made me happy.” Hoseok looked at Hyungwon again. “I’m sorry, I know it’s a long story, but I need to tell you.”
“I’m listening, Hoseok, it’s not long, it’s your story.” Hyungwon reached for Hoseok’s hand, smiling at him.
“Would you like more wine?” The architect asked, pouring himself more and then filling Hyungwon’s glass too before continuing. “The house was almost ready and, one night in June three years ago, I proposed. He rejected me and well, practically laughed in my face.” Hyungwon watched Hoseok take a sip of his wine, Adam’s apple moving with the way he swallowed and closed his eyes for a moment. “He told me I was a naive fool who he would never marry. He told me that he was with me because I was smart and not that bad looking and he knew I will probably succeed as an architect, so it would be beneficial to him. It sounded like a good idea back in university and it was all fun in the beginning, but there were constantly things getting on his nerves - things like my friends. He thought he would be able to cut me from them, but that didn’t happen, not entirely, so he just needed to live with it until he found another solution. Me working so much made him annoyed too, but at least that meant money, so he went on with it and used the time when I was at the office to cheat on me.” The older guy paused again, looking at his wine. “When I moved in with him I started paying for his apartment bit by bit, to the point of covering all his expenses, simply because he didn’t have a job yet. He couldn’t let go of that, could he? And he wasn’t even looking for a job, at least not in the country. He got one, in Europe and he was supposed to tell me that night, but I was faster with my proposal. “I was packing to go to Europe and you thought I was going to move in with you in that stupid hobbit house of yours.” were the exact words.”
“God, Hoseok…” Hyungwon moved, wrapping his arms around Hoseok as the older guy sighed again.
“I left after that, I couldn’t listen to him anymore and I went straight to Kihyun’s place. I have never seen Changkyun cry before that, Hyungwon.” His voice trembled a tiny bit, as if he was holding himself back. “Kihyun wanted to kill him, we barely stopped him from going there. Hyunwoo went instead, he took all my things. I never saw him again.” He took a deep breath. “I stayed at Kihyun’s for a month or so, not even leaving the house. Everybody were there every day, trying to… get me out of that worthless hell he put me in. Hyunwoo finished all the preparations for me moving into my new house, but it took another month to get me to do it. Healing took forever, but, even after I started functioning more or less normally, I remained broken. Yesterday was that day.” Hoseok looked up at Hyungwon. “And the first time I didn’t feel the need to drink to the point of oblivion. I didn’t want to tell you yesterday. I wanted it to be in the past.” He put his glass of wine away and wrapped his arms around the younger guy, looking into his eyes and Hyungwon stared, faced with that open book, realizing Hoseok was giving his everything on the plate, much like the boy from his story did.
“Hoseok…” He repeated softly, suddenly feeling so emotional as he hugged him tighter, pressing their foreheads together, much like he did a month ago in that club. The older guy shifted slightly, pressing their lips together instead, a hint of hesitation in the action until Hyungwon kissed him back.
They shifted, until Hoseok moved, scooping his frog prince up into his arms and taking him to his bedroom. The kiss deepened, holding so much meaning, reassurance they both needed as their bodies touched the soft covers of the architect’s bed. Hyungwon’s hands slid from Hoseok’s face down his chest, unbuttoning the shirt he was wearing slowly and letting it slip down the older’s shoulders as he leaned in to trace the path of his fingers with his lips. He needed to kiss every inch of his skin, every little scar left to heal by itself. They needed help and Hyungwon took it upon himself to stitch them up with his plump lips, with this overwhelming love he felt running through every cell of his own being.
Hoseok followed his actions, mirroring them until they were both naked and holding each other, basking in the feeling of need and belonging, alone in the world, but finally together. Hyungwon looked at him and there it was, adoration and that need, without a trace of fear. For the first time in a very long while, Hoseok wasn’t afraid either.
“Make love to me. Please.” The frog prince whispered, lifting one of his long legs to make it easier for Hoseok to prepare him and leaned up to kiss him again, the same feeling of magic enveloping them intensifying. Hoseok had no idea if he was losing his mind or if he was deceiving himself, but the magic was there, in the tingling of his whole body, in the arousal he thought he had never felt before, not like this. The connection he felt was incredible and he knew it was all he wanted, even if it lasted for a fraction of second, he needed to taste it.
Hyungwon didn’t know if this was what being in love was like or if these feelings were something reserved to Hoseok and him only. It was painful, like the burn Hoseok’s fingers left behind, stroking his walls, but it was incredible as the pain turned into pleasure and reflected back to the intense emotions. It was a joyful circle, a thrilling ride he never wanted to end. Feeling Hoseok inside of him was followed by memories of their time together mixing with all the feelings rushing through his body at that very moment. Their love making was gentle and precious, but it felt desperate at the same time. They saw each other in the reflection of their gazes and everything intensified once again, Hoseok’s hips meeting his own in an endless dance of love and desire. And they understood each other yet again.
“I don’t want it to end.” Hoseok voiced Hyungwon’s thoughts and the dancer wrapped his arms around him tightly, holding onto him for dear life as he orgasmed, pulling the older guy into him further, as if saying “me neither”, and feeling the way Hoseok shivered against him right after. They held each other and kissed, prolonging the bliss, afraid of letting go.
The writer finally did, moving down to stitch the remaining scar on Hoseok’s perfect, marble-like body - the one right on top of his heart.
“Don’t cry. Please don’t cry.” Hyungwon whispered, watching Hoseok’s face, illuminated by the moonlight making its way behind the clouds, the reflection of it sparkling in the corner of his eye.
“I’m not crying. I’m happy.”
Hyungwon slowly opened his eyes as sun stroked his eyelids, waking him up.
“It’s not raining.” he said softly.
“It rained early in the morning, but it was just a short shower.” Hoseok replied just as softly, watching the younger guy turn in his arms to face him. “It should be sunny the whole day today… Are you feeling fine?”
“Yeah.” Hyungwon smiled. “Are you?” Hoseok nodded in return. “Are we fine?”
“We’re still together, aren’t we?” The older one joked.
“You would ditch me? I would just go back to living in the pond.” The writer joked back and then gave him a worried look. “I’m struggling, but I’m going to live this life the best that I can. I decided that. And right now what I need in my life is you. Not just you being a housemate or a friend - although that is amazing too and I’m never going to let myself lose that, but I really need you. In every way possible. It’s been like that for a long while and I just want to act on it from now on.”
“You’re braver than I am.” Hoseok whispered, gazing at him in clear adoration. “I don’t want to be afraid anymore.”
“So, you’re going to take that risk with me? But what if I’m the same? You won’t know until…” Hyungwon paused, not being able to bring himself to put it into words.
“You can’t even say it.” The older one chuckled before getting serious again. “You’re not the same. We’re so different, yet the two of us are kind of the same. I know we’re a mess really, but let’s do it. Let’s just try, the way we’ve been trying so far. I trust you. It’s all worth it. My feelings are worth it. This life is worth it. You’re definitely worth it.”
The rest of the year slowly moved forward as they kept trying. It took both a long time to go from dipping tips of toes to letting whole feet to sink, but fears gave way to progress and learning how to handle it all allowed the blossom of much more beautiful things. It was a constant learning process, like everything in life was, growing and evolving into something else. As time passed they were both getting more and more confident about them evolving into something solid and beautiful, two innocent kids enjoying themselves, supporting each other and loving life without fear. Hyungwon happily marked another important step in their adult world, realizing that nurturing a child might be the most important task of them all.
“Hyung, I bought you a present!” Changkyun grinned at Hoseok, handing him a little green box before colliding with the couch in his usual manner.
“Aren’t we giving out presents after midnight?” Hyungwon looked at them confused, helping Kihyun as Hoseok stared at the box, puzzled.
“We are, Changkyun is being a dork. That’s not your real present.” Kihyun replied.
“Open it, hyung!” The youngest grinned, leaning back on the couch and waiting for Hoseok’s reactions.
“It’s a frog.” The architect threw a glare at Changkyun. “That’s not even funny.”
“It’s not a real frog?” The writer walked over to look into the box himself. “It’s a plushie, Hoseok, it’s cute.”
“It’s a frog.” The older one deadpanned.
“I’m a frog.” Hyungwon crossed his arms, raising an eyebrow at him.
“No, you’re a prince who happened to be a frog…”
“If I weren’t a frog you would’ve never met me.”
“I’ll take the frog.” Changkyun sighed, disappointed that his joke wasn’t appreciated. Hyungwon waltzed over to him, wrapping his arms around his younger friend. Hoseok started laughing just as Kihyun came out of the kitchen to look at them.
“Will you kids stop already and help me out?” The photographer glared at all three of them. “Changkyun, please call Honey and ask them to get us more wine. These two forgot to refill their collection.”
“Drive safely! We’ll see you on Saturday!” Hyungwon said to their two best friends before closing the door and joining his boyfriend on the couch, leaning against him. The holidays were over and the house felt too quiet once again, the coziness of silence feeling like a warm blanket. Silence wasn’t usual, most of the time it gave way for soft chatter or some nice music, but in moments like this Hyungwon appreciated it the most.
“Back then… on Christmas, when we woke up, what were you about to say, but stopped?” Hoseok suddenly broke it, causing Hyungwon to look at him, surprised by the question.
“Why the sudden question?” He chuckled.
“I was just wondering… for a long time. I just remembered now, since I thought about last year’s Christmas and us starting living together. It was crazy. I was crazy.” The older one chuckled too before smiling at his boyfriend. “Answer it? I’m curious.”
“Oh, I… I wasn’t fully awake yet and I didn’t register I wasn’t a frog anymore. I was just… speaking to you the way I have been to up until then.” Hyungwon chuckled at the memory, feeling somewhat embarrassed.
“Speaking to me?” Hoseok looked surprised. After a year of living together in the same house there was still a lot of things he needed to learn. “You mean you… um… “talking” while you were a frog was directed at me?”
“Yeah…” He sighed a bit, biting his lip as he looked away. “Always.”
“And? What was it?”
“I love you.”
The older guy’s facial expression softened at the words, suddenly remembering all the times Hyungwon would sit on the other side of the window, saying it loud and clear. Taking the initiative first, like always. It was time to finally say it back.
“Ribbit!”