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Keith was acting odd. The team was heading back to Earth on their ‘space road trip’ as Hunk was calling it. Keith was quieter than usual and more withdrawn, especially after whatever happened with Shiro. He didn’t talk about it and Shiro seemed to either not remember or promise not to talk about it when asked. The new black paladin also seemed more tense around his brother, meaning that something really bad must have happened. So the team decided to not talk about what could have happened and instead decided to try and strengthen their bonds between the old and new members of the team.
Krolia was on the top of everyone’s list to bond with due to the fact that the entire team had been without a mother figure for years. Getting hugs out the Galra was harder though, even for Keith. She was headstrong and didn’t really have that much of a mothering instinct inside of her.
They had landed on a planet to rest which had terrain similar to that of the desert that surrounded the Garrison. They had set up camp and all gone to do their own activities in and around camp. Keith, however, couldn’t be found. He had headed off as soon as the camp was set up and hadn’t come back since, drawing Lance’s attention to his absence. He decided to look around the area to see if he could find his hotheaded friend.
Lance saw the hood of his BOM suit ripple in the gust of wind that hit the side of the cliff. Anxiety shot though the Cuban boy as Keith stepped closer to the edge, tilting his head up to the stars that lurked above. The wind picked up again, making the hood fall from his head and land around his shoulders. Keith’s inky locks seemed to dance to the rhythm of the air that circled them. The dust from the ground blew around Keith’s ankles before diverting over to the edge of the cliff, then over it. A boot clad foot followed suit, making the boy step closer to the descent. Time seemed to stop as Lance figured out what Keith was trying to do. What he as thinking. Streams of tears marked the pale skin of his sunken cheeks and seemed to reflect the universe in the pools that lay at bay in his eyes.
Lance pulled his eyes away from the boys face to check for any damage on his body, skimming over he far too small waist and bony arms. There seemed to be no physical harm done but as his eyes met Keith’s little utility belt he noticed the holder of the mysterious blade was empty. Lance didn’t really think about the location of the dagger and instead decided to quietly step closer to the broken paladin.
“Keith, buddy, it’s cold out here at night. Let’s head back to camp.” He decided that it probably wasn’t smart to address why the paladin was crying while he was standing on the edge of a deadly drop.
“Go to bed Lance, don’t you need your beauty sleep?” The Cuban’s heart tingled at the fact that Keith remembered that he had a set sleeping schedule. But he still needed to get Keith away from the cliff.
“Keith, please come back to camp with me.” He tried not to sound to desperate but the fear behind is plead was caught by Keith. The black paladin turned around to look Lance in the eyes before he started talking back in a hoarse, tear filled voice.
“Lance. You don’t need me, you have Hunk to cuddle, Pidge to crack sarcastic jokes, Shiro to keep you in check, Allura to flirt with and Coran to look after you. I don’t need to be there in your family unit. I don’t need to be here.” He threw his arms out as if gesturing to everything around them, before taking another step back.
Lance’s heart was breaking, as he watched the route another tear took down Keith’s face. The hurt and insecurities hidden behind those purple irises, the fear and tension in his shoulders. This boy was so broken and scared to be rejected by the people he cares about. Lance decided that he would have to convince Keith to come back to safe land and did so by sitting straight down from where he was standing. This seemed to confuse him a little bit as the dark haired boy cocked his head to the side in question, which Lance found adorable.
“Keith, I need you buddy. It has been so hard for me since you left for the Blades. Shiro was acting different and now we know why. Allura was busy with Lotor and Coran was always tidying or preparing the castle for something only he understands. And Pidge and Hunk, they are tech buddies. They dissect old computer parts and modify them with Altean properties to amplify their abilities. I’m too much of a clumsy person to help as the think I will break it. Hunk is always busy as well. The animals are alright to talk to but they don’t tell you anything to do about it in response. Keith, you would talk to me when the others were busy and incorporate me into conversations so I wouldn’t feel left out. You would keep me company while I trained and patch me up if I got hurt. You let me rant to you and when I felt down you would joke with me and give me something else to think about other than the fact that my family thinks I’m dead.” Tears were pricking Lance’s eyes as his lead hung low and his hands remained clenched on top of his crossed legs. Although wanting to pull his hood up and hide away, he knew it was too windy to.
“Two years.”
Lance looked up to see Keith had sat down on the edge wit his legs dangling over, kicking them slightly as he looked out to the horizon. Lance made a questioning noise as if convincing Keith to continue.
“I spent two years on a space whale with only my mother, who abandoned me as a baby, and a space wolf that I swear was only there for the food for half of the journey.”
“Is that why you look older?” It was Lance’s turn to tilt his head to the right as he stared at the back of Keith’s head.
“Yeah, for you it was probably just a couple weeks but for me it was two years accompanied by flashbacks and flash-forwards in time that were shared by both me and my mum. I learnt why she left me alone on a planet I never felt I belonged on. In return she got to see the gravestone of my dad with a small 7 year old me standing in front. Time would flick from visions of baby me, to blurry outlines of what is to come. I’ve seen so many possibilities for the future that change depending on what actions are taken.” Keith seemed to have stopped crying but still refused to face Lance as he continued describing everything he could to him. “Then, with the news about Romelle and Lotor I pushed you away from me. Didn’t even look your way when you met me in the hangar. You didn’t deserve that. I was just such a horrible person you to. Then we found out Shiro was an evil clone and I had the fight with him and...” A choke escaped Keith’s lips.
Lance scooted forward so he could rest his hand on the crying boy’s shoulder, squeezing it slightly. Keith tensed up before practically melting into the touch.
“Keith, how did you get the scar?”
He expected Keith to shout about privacy. To brush him off for being nosy or even give back a remark to distract the attention away from the scar. Instead, what he got was an armful of crying paladin. Keith turned away from the ledge as he wrapped his arms around Lance’s midsection and buried his face into his stomach. His legs were near the edge, with only the ends of his boots hanging over. Lance was still sitting cross-legged so it was awkward but he was determined to comfort Keith no matter what it took. He ran his fingers through the soft locks and cooed sweet reassurances at him in an attempt to stop the tears. After about a minute or two Keith turned his head slightly and explained what had happened.
“There were so many clones Lance, so many. All of him, my brother. Displayed like action figures or dolls on a shelf. Then he turned up. Told me how pathetic, that ‘I should have abandoned you just like your parents did’ and ‘They saw you were broken. Worthless. I should have seen it too’. I didn’t want to fight him. I tried to talk him out of it. But there was no trace of my brother in those murderous eyes.” He hiccuped as he remembered Shiro staring back at him with murderous intent.
“He swung and attacked me and it went on for a while. I was thrown all around the place, bruises forming as I ran from this thing. He got me pinned down on the ground, I remember trying to protect myself from his attack but a burning pain went though my cheek. It was so hot and I was so scared I remember suddenly feeling like I was no longer in control. I kinda went a little Galra and then his arm was off. I cut his arm off. It was all a blur after that. Movements so quick I was scared to even blink. The place came crashing down and he fell. Dead looking. And I caught him with one hand. I was slipping and the place just went. As we fell though I didn’t feel fear. I was content. Accepted it almost as quickly as I did back on Naxela. The idea of nothing. To die.”
“You nearly died?” Lance was shocked that this went unnoticed for so long. How didn’t he realise that Keith tried to die?
“I didn’t want to worry you guys. Only Matt knew, he tried to stop me but I couldn’t let my family die. I lost my family before I can’t let it happen again. I-I tried to fly my ship into the barrier to destroy the ship. After the battle I realised what I tried to do so I muted my transmission and cried. Well, not cried more of like a panic attack. Shaking and grabbing my hair. I didn't even take a second to think if it would actually work.”
Keith was shaking now in Lance’s arms. His jacket was marked in tear stains but he didn’t care. His friend has tried to die, by the sounds of it, more times than once. Like he was use to the idea of ending his existence. But worse than that is the idea that Keith was put in the position to potentially kill his only family member, and being attacked by the same face that had supported him for so many years. He has a constant physical reminder of what had happened. The scar was pure hatred and violence and everything that probably haunted the boys eyes when he slept.
“Are those what your nightmares are about?” Lance’s voice was quiet as he pulled Keith further up his body, leaving his head in the Cuban’s chest and his feet now on safe land.
“How did you-”
“Remember when we opened a private line that one night when we only had animals in our lions. I was talking to you about how scared I was to go back to earth? Well, you only turned off video feed, not vocal communications. I heard you crying, it woke me up. It was soft at first but then you screamed and started hyperventilating. I tried to get our feed to work again but because I guess you were so panicked you didn’t accept my call. So I tried to send reassurance through our Voltron bond but that didn’t work either. I felt bad not being able to help you.”
“I’m scared it will happen again. The nightmares are always either that fight or a future one. In the castle with my team unconscious and then he tries to slash my face again. But you are there like always. My right hand man. He turned his attention to you and shoots you through the heart and you collapse in a pile next to me. Eyes open with a small smile on your face. Eyes hollow of any sign of life and then Shiro just swings again. And I wake up.” Keith’s hand was over Lance’s heart, feeling the beat drum against his palm.
“Keith can I ask you why you were on the edge?”
“I don’t deserve being this happy.” His voice was so certain it sent a shiver down Lance’s back. He pulled Keith even closer and buried his face into the inky locks.
“Everyone deserves to be happy, no matter what their past. You deserve the world Keith and it doesn’t matter if some days you feel sad or hollow because we all do. But I want you to know that I will be there to help you back up. I promise you that I will not leave your side because I couldn’t vision my life without you in it Keith.” The Cuban boy placed a small feather light kiss on top of Keith’s head, but it was still enough to show the true meanings behind the words.
“You can’t promise that Lance.”
“Well I am. I, Lance, hereby decree that I shall not leave Keith Kogane’s side no matter what. For better or worse I will be there for you. Only if you promise me you will do the same?”
Keith chuckled at Lance’s antics, noticing that one of the lines sounded like the marriage vows that say in those old movies his carers use to watch. He pulled himself up and situated himself so that he was sitting in Lance’s lap and staring into those blue eyes like they held the universe. And in this light, they did. The stars that seemed so much brighter on this planet reflected in his eyes making it look like the sky found residence in them. The purples, blues, blacks and red of the galaxy swirled above the pair and the wind had died down slightly. Keith felt safe.
“I do.”
Lance lit up with a beautiful smile that Keith just couldn’t ignore. He smiled back and wrapped his arms around Lance’s neck.
“How do you do that? Make me step away from the edge, from the haunting thoughts and misery? Make me feel safe in your arms? Make me love you like nothing else in the universe does?” Keith realised he just confessed to Lance but he didn’t care because it was all true. He couldn't lie to Lance, he loved him.
“I just don’t give up on the people I love.”
Keith blushed deeply and decided to try one of Lance’s many flirty pick up lines. He leaned back, still on Lance’s lap and smiled.
“Lance, are you Rick Astley? Because I’m never gunna give you up.” He finished it with finger guns and a cute smirk.
Lance cackled and pulled Keith closer again placing a kiss onto the red paladin’s cheek. Keith giggled slightly and returned the favour by kissing one of Lance’s cheeks in return. The brunette decided that it was war and starting assaulting the raven haired boy with small kisses all over his face. Keith loved it and giggled happily at Lance doing so, but noticed that he still didn’t place one on his lips. He wanted to change that.
“Come on sharpshooter, I know you have better aim than that.”
He was met with warm lips covering his and decided that for now, he could be happy.